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How to teach a child to be a leader? Raising a leader: a different approach to developing qualities in a boy and a girl.

A child is a leader: psychological characteristics and upbringing

Raising a child leader requires a special approach from parents. How to identify leadership inclinations in a child and how should parents act, taking into account his psychological characteristics?

Sometimes you can see how one child manages to involve everyone else in the game. “Well, the leader is growing up”, “He will definitely become your president” - such phrases are often heard by the parents of a child leader.

Leadership or uncontrollability?

In general, in modern society, leadership is an approved and sought-after trait. Leadership – this is practically synonymous with success. “We educate leaders” - this slogan can often be heard in “advanced” kindergartens, schools, and various youth organizations. But even a born leader, until he turns 18, is first and foremost still a child. This means that he needs to be educated, helped to find ways to develop positive qualities and taught to use them for the benefit of himself and those around him.

One of the common pitfalls is that parents of child leaders sometimes feel somehow weaker than their own child and either consciously or refuse the educational function towards him. Meanwhile, every child needs authorities and role models.
A commanding tone, not only among peers, but also within the family circle, self-will, stubbornness, aggression in response to any restrictions - such behavior is often confused with leadership and is called manifestations of a strong character. And then the parents, although they suffer from such behavior of the child, are deep down proud of the strength of character, relaxedness and energy of their offspring.
If a child manages to achieve what he wants in this way, and he also sees unspoken approval, the method is consolidated.

The main problem is that, unlike true leadership, such pseudo-leadership actually means the child’s complete lack of independence. Why know how to do something yourself if they will do everything for you?!

The ability to get along with people is one of the qualities a leader needs.

How to recognize real leadership abilities?

A leader does not act with hysterics and orders. A child leader knows how to lure other children into the game, correctly explain the rules, and is not afraid of responsibility or conflicts. It’s as if he doesn’t do anything special, but somehow he stands out among others, attracting people to himself.
A true leader is a leader everywhere. If a child “builds everyone up” at home, but prefers to remain silent in kindergarten, most likely this is just a way of interacting with parents, and not a personality trait of the child.
A child leader has a special style of thinking; he is inclined to plan and calculate various options, and this can manifest itself as early as 3–4 years of age.
A child leader is independent, does not wait for adults to decide something for him, he can organize the game himself, and keep himself busy with something.
As a rule, little leaders are excellent observers: their interest in the peculiarities of behavior and human relationships manifests itself early. A leader child is able to convince peers, for example, to give away their cars, but not through cunning, but on the basis of benefits for another child.
In a children's team, the child leader often takes on the functions of a “judge”, a mediator in resolving various conflicts.
“In our kindergarten, all the kids quarrel over who should get up first, when we go to physical education, they push each other, they swear!” – a four-year-old boy tells his mother. “Do you also quarrel and swear?” - Mom asks. “No, I tell them who should go first and why!” - the child answers. “And they listen to you?” - Mom is surprised. “Of course, I’m telling them everything correctly,” the child leader answers.

What should parents do?

First of all, consistency is important. If you tell your child: “Don’t you dare order me around,” and an hour later you brag to your friend in front of him that your son has a “strong character,” rest assured that next time he will show his “character” even brighter.
You yourself must be aware of the line and explain it to your child. It’s good to be able to achieve your goal, but you need to be able to choose methods for this that do not infringe or offend others. A true leader is one who reaches the top not at the expense of others, but together with them. It is important to develop in a child leader responsibility for the team, the value of the common cause, and not his own ambitions.
It is very important for parents of a child with leadership inclinations to help their child find something in which to express himself. For some, this is sports, for others, a school scientific society, for others, organizing the publication of a school newspaper, etc. Leadership inclinations that cannot be realized often gnaw at the child from the inside, turning into envy, vanity, and jealousy of the success of others. .
Children leaders are often very sensitive to evaluations of their activities and are sensitive to criticism, mistakes and failures. It is very important from an early age to teach a child to perceive criticism as a stimulus for development, mistakes as lessons, and failures as an inevitable side effect on the path to a goal.
No matter how old-fashioned it may sound, parents of a child leader need to pay special attention to instilling values and ideas about morality in the child. You are growing a personality capable of leading others, and it is very important where exactly.

Child psychologists have come up with a wonderful formula: tell your baby no more than three “don’ts” a day, and for each of them three “dos.”

Take a closer look at who the child chooses as his idols, “villains” or “noble heroes”; the fact is that in “villainy” leadership is usually more visual and obvious. So, for example, during the popularity of the TV series “Brigade”, while working at school, I observed how in many grades - from 3rd to 11th - the boy leaders began to imitate the main character of this film, a criminal, copying his language, adopting values. The image of a man around whom others revolve and obey him was very bright and attractive.

And here’s what the mother of a third-grader says about the peculiarities of raising her child as a leader.

“My son has always shown an inclination to lead, ever since kindergarten. He is the headman in the class, the guys listen to him. And recently such an episode occurred. A boy from another school came to their class, and because he was new and had some other external shortcomings, as often happens, they began to “spread rot” in the class. Some of the guys started making fun of him and playing cruel jokes. My son, talking about this, was very worried. He said that he felt sorry for the boy, but he was afraid that if he did not participate in the common venture, he would lose his authority. We discussed for quite a long time that this was exactly the case when he could use his authority in the class for a good cause. This is, of course, more difficult, but this way he will respect himself more. We had conversations several evenings in a row. I must say that the situation ended well. As soon as the son expressed his position in the class, many children immediately joined him, who were afraid to do it themselves. The arguments that we picked up with him helped, he took the newcomer under his wing. I think he's proud of himself."

Leadership is responsibility, it is important that the child understands this.

Child leader at home

How to communicate with the little leader at home?

He has his own view on everything around him and strives to help or advise. It is clear that you cannot limit your child to your desires and needs; he needs space for thoughts, decisions and actions. But on the other hand, a parent always remains a parent, and this is essentially a leadership role. That is, a contradiction arises...

In any case, the child must recognize the authority of the parent
It is best to come to the following compromise. It is worth discussing difficult situations with your child as equals, giving him the opportunity to express himself and argue his position. The final decision in difficult situations should remain with the parent. For example, your child insists on watching a movie on TV with you late at night. Let him explain what interested him - the film itself or the opportunity to spend more time with his parents. This way you can offer alternative options (“We’ll find this movie on the Internet tomorrow and watch it during the daytime”). And then firmly say that he is going to bed now, because he must follow the regime. You can explain to a child who is sensitive to the fact that you decide for him: “When you grow up, you will also be responsible for your family.”
Try thisdistribute tasks and responsibilitiesso that the child has an area for which he is fully responsible and makes decisions.
For example, a preschooler’s responsibility may be to wipe the dust in the apartment. It is important to give him the opportunity to draw up a schedule for such cleaning himself, to choose his own “tool of labor.” You will only occasionally check the quality of the work, but not interfere with the process itself. With age, the area of responsibility needs to be expanded. By the way, this will clearly demonstrate an important rule - the more you know, the more you can decide for yourself. After all, often a child leader has ambitions that are not based on the real level of capabilities.

For example, a first-grader may demand no control over homework, but he himself will spend a lot of time playing games and watching TV and will not have time to study properly. Then you can say: “I will not interfere in your tasks themselves until you ask, but for now we will plan your day together, you still do not have a good sense of time and know how to organize it.”

Don't compete with your child.
Sometimes parents, if they themselves are leaders by nature, unconsciously begin to organize a home competition “Who is in charge?” It is very important to avoid such a situation. What a child leader needs to be taught is cooperation, and he will learn competition himself. "We are going to the cinema!" - says dad. “No, let’s go to the skating rink!” the child insists. And such disputes are every day, their purpose is often only to see who will out-argue whom. "Let `s together!" – tell the child leader more often. Let him hear your opinion, and you hear him and make a decision together.
Help build relationships with brothers/sisters.
In families with several children, competition between them is also not uncommon. It is important to find for each child his own “niche” where he will prove himself and become the first. One child may be an obvious leader in the sciences, while another in creative pursuits. Explain to children that a true leader always strives to help another person in what he is most successful at.

Locking a child leader within the framework of your own desires and needs is like death. He needs a field of activity. On the other hand, you always remain a parent, this is a special role, and here too you should not lose your leadership. In any case, the child should appreciate your authority and obey you, despite the fact that sometimes he has his own view of things.
Look for a compromise. Just sit down and, having patience, discuss the problem with your child as an adult with an adult. He should feel not just trust and warmth, but also respect. I wish you SUCCESS and MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING, LOVE each other!

Who is a leader? This is a person who can and knows how to lead other people, how to organize them to fulfill their own and social needs. But do not confuse a child’s leadership qualities with dictatorial ones - these are two different concepts that, like batteries, have opposite polarities. A person who grows up as a leader remains a positive and responsible character to the end, who goes towards his goal not “over the head”, but by finding the right workarounds. It is this kind of positive leader that most parents want to raise, because they dream of enjoying his successes in the future, seeing in him the head of a large company or simply an accomplished person in this life.

But without support and proper upbringing, a child is unlikely to strive for leadership. If you want to challenge this fact and say that there are leaders in orphanages where no one raises street children, then you can find the correct explanation - a person is born with a temperament, and if a child is naturally “punchy”, then he himself will want to stand out from crowds. Well, under the wing of their parents, even smart children grow up unadapted to adult life due to excessive guardianship. Therefore, if a child has the makings of a leader, then they undoubtedly need to be developed.

Already at the age of 3 years, you can notice the child’s desire to be the center of attention, to gather children around him in the yard and come up with new games, always becoming the captain of the team. These are the makings of a leader! The child already understands that he wants to stand out from the gray mass of subordinates and lead others.

Give your child freedom of action

At 3 years old, a baby cannot go outside on his own without his mother, but he plays in the sandbox without her, overcoming various difficulties in communication and trying to learn to live in society. It is this freedom that we are talking about. While we live, we learn, and every mistake we make is an experience from which we draw useful conclusions. While you are running after your child and solving his problems in any situation (a neighbor took a toy, a girl pinched him in kindergarten, his brother pushed him), you do not give the child a chance to sort out what happened on his own and feel more confident.

Such children, for whom their parents always do everything, grow up to be capricious and unadapted individuals who, with the slightest problem, run to their mother, without even wanting to think about a possible solution to the problem. What kind of leader can grow out of such a child?

If your child really wants something, then think with him about how to implement it, and we are not talking about buying an expensive toy, but about children’s sports clubs or a drawing group, or music and singing classes. Show your child that you need to be able to realize all your desires - let him learn to solve problems efficiently and quickly, because this is the main and most important quality of a leader. Before making a child a leader, parents should think about what example they themselves can set for him? After all, first of all, a child imitates his mother and father and learns from them to cope with difficulties. So be a role model, and you will raise a worthy son or daughter.

Support and praise your baby

A child who is constantly scolded, shortcomings pointed out, called names, from childhood becomes withdrawn and unsure of himself, and he can carry this uncertainty throughout his entire life, never giving vent to his feelings. Unfortunately, such parents do not understand that they are “trampling” and crippling the will of their child.

If you encourage your baby at least with words (no one talks about expensive gifts), then he will want to repeat it again and again, bringing the action to perfection. So, for example, if a child was shy at a matinee and did not want to read a poem, there is no need to scold him, otherwise he will be even more afraid of the audience. The most correct words at this moment: “Nothing terrible happened. It didn't work out this time - it will definitely work out next time! You will be better prepared and I will be even more proud of you!” With such motivation, the child leader will want to please you, overcome his fear, and next time he will still take that small step onto the stage. And the more a child liberates himself, the better he communicates with his peers, and the more likely he is to lead the crowd.

Initially, the child needs to be liberated while still in the family circle, learn poetry with him and place a chair in the middle of the room so that all relatives can listen to the baby. Thus, the child overcomes his fear of public, and in the future he will be happy to perform in front of a whole audience.

It is especially important to talk with the child, explain to him that until he takes the risk of doing something, he will not get the result. After all, how can he say that he won’t do it or it won’t work out until he tries? Support your child in all his endeavors, encourage him. Successful and active children are imitated by other children, so when you start sculpting a beautiful sand castle, your child will notice how everyone else will join him.

Give the leader a “field” for communication

To hone his leadership skills, a child needs to communicate, not only with family and friends, but also with other children, be it in the sandbox, in kindergarten or at school. The child needs to expand his usual social circle - send him to a sports section or any other, but always to one where leadership qualities can be demonstrated, that is, where the child can be a captain (football, basketball, volleyball, hockey, team games). A child leader is cheerful, active, always tries to be the ringleader and come up with the rules of the game himself.

A leader can talk

Among other leadership qualities, oratory plays an important role, because in order to lead people, you need to be able to convey your thoughts to them.

Teach your child to formulate sentences correctly and explain things clearly and clearly. There are children who, at 2.5 years old, can express their thoughts clearly and clearly, and there are also those who, at 10 years old, stumble and cannot put words together into a sentence. But this is very important for a leader - to be able to correctly formulate a thought so that everyone around him understands it. You can monitor his speech at the moment when the child is playing, when he is talking with you or with friends, when he speaks in front of grandmothers or at a matinee. And be sure to encourage your child and persuade him to try again. If the first time it was not possible to clearly tell dad about what happened on the street, then let the baby collect his thoughts, repeat everything to himself, and only then say it out loud. Give your little one confidence, because parents are the most important judges and helpers for him.

A leader is responsible for his words

A liar will never become a leader because people around him will simply stop respecting him. Many parents forgive their little children for frivolous lies when they try to justify themselves in the fact that it was not he who spilled the cup of milk, but the cat. But a big lie grows from a small one, and the baby must understand that he is responsible for his words, because others may suffer from his lies. A leader must be responsible for the phrases spoken, for his actions, and for what follows what is said.

Foster in your child not only leadership, but also human qualities - respect for others, the ability to listen to and take into account other people’s opinions, the ability to be responsible for their actions and find a way out even in the most difficult situations (at the same time, let your child know that you will always you will be there and help solve the problem, but you will not solve them for the child). In addition, leaders become those children who can boast of their resourcefulness, ability to analyze a situation and find a way out (perhaps not without your help, but on their own initiative), and even when something doesn’t work out for them, they will not fail their hands are depressed, but they will try until they get a positive result.

A leader knows how to listen and hear

A true leader respects other people and listens to their opinions. People will not follow a person who always stands his ground, puts others down and yells for no reason. Teach your child to always and everywhere greet everyone, no matter whether they are familiar people or not. When he first came to the kindergarten, let him say hello and be sure to smile at all the teachers, all the children, and be sure to the cleaning lady and the cook - this will already earn him a positive reputation. It is more pleasant to communicate with positively minded and charming people; you want to trust and believe in them. So if you notice that greeting with a smile has become a baby’s habit, and he does not need to be forced to do so, it means that the habits of a leader have begun to emerge in him.

But there is another very important trait for a leader - to listen and hear criticism in his direction, and not to be offended by it, not to cry or hide in a corner, but to draw constructive conclusions from it. If a child was reprimanded or his actions were criticized, it means he was unable to please everyone, and you need to think about how to make sure this doesn’t happen again. A person who does not accept criticism, does not want to listen to it and draw conclusions, thereby shows the weakness of his soul and obvious selfishness.

The main mistakes of parents

Often, parents love their child so fanatically that they go from one extreme to another - they send the child to the sports section, and a month later send him to art school just because the teacher praised him for a beautifully drawn drawing. Parents “mold” the child into what they think is an ideal person, not paying attention to his temperament, behavioral characteristics, or vision of the world. It is important not only to know how to raise a child as a leader, but also to understand why you are doing this, whether the child will be able to live up to your hopes or will break under such strong pressure.

A child is unlikely to live up to the title of leader if parents:

Instead of encouragement shout and scold the child for his mistakes. In this case, the baby simply will not want to try again and achieve his goal;
At all don't help the child in solving his problems. Of course, the baby needs to be taught independence, but that’s why you and the parents are always there to help if the child asks for it or if you see that the situation requires your intervention. No matter how old a child is - 3 years old or 60 years old, for his parents he will always remain a child, and his parents must take care of him until the end of his life;
They don't believe in their child. Even for a person who has achieved success in this life, it is difficult to live without the support of loved ones, and for a small developing organism it is completely painful to break into life without the words “you will succeed!”, “don’t give up!”, “we believe in you!”;
They think their baby is perfect and the best. Even if a child succeeds in something, you should not elevate him above others, otherwise he will become proud and treat others with disdain. It is enough to gently praise and say that next time he can do more;
They want more from their child than he really can. Just as your desires may differ from the child’s capabilities that nature has endowed him with, he may also want something completely different. And if you force an audience on him, and due to his excessive shyness, he cannot even tell his poem in front of his family, then maybe you shouldn’t upset and humiliate the baby? After all, instead of a leader, you can get a child with a broken psyche. A person with musical talent may never become an artist, so love your child for who he is and don’t mold him into someone he doesn’t want to be.

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Which parent today does not dream of developing leadership qualities in their child? Probably only a very few. After all, these qualities help you achieve in life what gives you happiness and success.

And we sincerely believe that anyone can become a leader - you just need to find out how to raise a child as a leader, and apply some in his upbringing.

Is it really?

Leadership is different from leadership?

When thinking about how to raise a leader, parents most often have no idea what it is. The child is capricious and demands “I want it!” - Moms and dads are happy to believe that they have a leader growing up. Does he take away other people's toys and show aggression? “He’s just a leader!” - his parents justify his behavior.

But if parents do not have a clear understanding of what true leadership is, they will inevitably become confused about desires and results. So, instead of a leader, some will grow up to be a capricious creature who is used to achieving everything with hysterics. And for others - an aggressive teenager, not at all like a leader, but who bullies his family and loved ones with his behavior.

Where can I get this clear idea? Personally, I received it only after training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Before that, like many others, I was torn by contradictions; I drew conclusions based on personal experience and observations. I peered at my child and thought: “Well, who are you? Who does he look like? What will you be when you grow up? And how can I raise you? leader ?»

Back then I didn’t know what a surprise nature had given me.

Who is called a leader? Someone who leads a group of people and who enjoys authority in this group. Someone who knows how to influence others.

In system-vector psychology, a leader is a representative skin vector. Its description is too lengthy for me to list all its features in one article, but some must be mentioned.

Leather workers have a flexible body and flexible psyche. They prefer logic in everything, they are concise and easy to communicate. A person with a skin vector experiences an internal need for control, restriction, prohibition. He knows how and loves to save money, as well as control both himself and others. Kozhnik has high adaptive abilities and quickly finds a common language with other people. Competing, striving to be first is his natural desire, which allows him to become a leader. As is the need for financial success and well-being.

But these are adults. What about children? What are they? What will be the characteristics of a leader's child?

In many ways they are the same, but with their own characteristics. Above is a portrait of a developed person with a skin vector, and before becoming such, he needs to go through several stages of development - from birth to puberty. And a lot will depend on how smoothly they go, including whether your baby will become a leader, realizing his natural potential, or not.

At this point, it’s probably time to talk about how to make a leader out of a child. But I want to give an example of my personal experience, which may be useful to you.

When I took the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, my son was about 3 years old. Already at the lecture on skin vectors, I began to recognize my son in many of Yuri’s descriptions. But the skin qualities fully manifested themselves over time - when the child joined a children's group.

I was worried about how he would adapt to kindergarten, because he always loved to sit in his mother’s arms. By the way, from birth the baby loves tactile contact: he calms down after stroking, if he is very excited, he asks to scratch his back before going to bed. All this is also evidence of the presence of a skin vector.

So, there were no problems with adaptation: the child quickly joined the team, although before that he had no experience of communicating with other children. Watching him from the side, I realized that he does not experience any difficulties when getting closer to an unfamiliar child: he is the first to start a dialogue without preambles or shuffles, quickly adapting to the interests of his peer.

This ability to quickly adapt, change your opinion or position depending on the situation is a bright skin trait of a son, a characteristic of a child of a leader. Mom doesn't want to play cars with him? Okay, we also have puzzles, soft toys, coloring books - let mom choose what she likes. Does your grandmother forbid you to watch cartoons? Okay, no problem, then let grandma read something out loud.

The child does not remember or accumulate any grievances. Even before the training, I was worried: what if he would be as touchy as I was as a child? And I was sincerely surprised that the baby was not at all offended if his mother forbade him to do something. I remember that for quite a long time I expected him to remember all his grievances, but now I only smile at these memories: I judged the child through myself, not realizing that he does not naturally have such a “mechanism”, the need and ability to be offended.

It is very important for my son to do everything quickly. But not just fast, but faster than everyone else. Who ate their lunch in the garden first? Of course, my child. Who was the first to draw a house according to the teacher’s instructions? Naturally, he is. Who was the first to climb the steps to the apartment door after a walk? He.

If, thanks to the training, I did not understand why it is so fundamentally important for my son to do everything first, I would definitely try to re-educate him. No matter how it sounds, I honestly admit this to myself: I would try to remake him, change his nature. Why? Not out of malice, of course. But because I myself like to do everything one by one, in order, and certainly not on the run.

Previously, I would have been indignant: “Who eats so quickly? Why draw faster than everyone else?! After all, in drawing it is not speed that is important, but the quality of the final result! Why rush around the entrance, scaring the neighbors?” Now I smile, looking at how my child is gradually developing in his desire to be the first, in his desire to become a leader, successful and fulfilled.

Am I helping him with this? Still would. I use the knowledge I received at the training on systemic vector psychology (and when I forget something, I go through it again, especially since the lecture on the skin vector is free). And then, knowing how to raise a leader from my child, I apply this knowledge in practice.

My parenting methods

What am I doing?

Firstly, I do not prevent him from satisfying his natural needs. Does he want to do everything quickly, do he want some kind of competition? All this is in every game (in reasonable quantities).

I see that the baby has a great need to negotiate everything? Very good: we will agree on everything and act strictly according to plan. For example, every evening after kindergarten we agree that first he does exercises, then plays on the tablet (games are only as a reward for some useful actions), after which he has dinner, and before bed listens to a fairy tale (the list is approximate) . By the way, the child does the exercises himself without persuasion or blackmail. It only happens that he sometimes forgets about her, but what can you take from a skinned child who “got it in one ear and out the other.”

Secondly, I don’t put pressure on him with my opinions and views, passed through myself, because I know how to raise a leader. I don’t force him to sit for hours at a time with books and albums, I don’t require him to write out every squiggle in his copybooks, I don’t force him to do any activity that goes against his skin’s nature. I am absolutely calm and normal about the fact that he can get bored with a training session quite quickly - and I do not insist on its continuation. At the same time, the child constantly surprises me with his ability to quickly memorize material.

Thirdly, I develop his innate abilities. So, I know that leather workers are potentially excellent mathematicians and logicians. And this is confirmed in practice: at the age of 5, my son adds and subtracts in his head quite easily. It all started with counting steps during the same running around that I wrote about above. And although children do not like to do difficult tasks (and my son is no exception), as you gradually complicate the tasks, the result will quickly surprise and delight you. You just need to remember to add creativity to the tasks so that something new appears in them regularly.

There is even more theory on raising a leader in the article: “A nimble child. Secrets of raising children with skin vector"

The development of abilities relates not only to mathematics and logic: it is important to teach a child with a skin vector to discipline, routine, sports, and help him develop the ability to control himself (and then others) - all this will also help raise a leader.

A child with a skin vector really needs sports - otherwise he will rush around the apartment, knocking over everything in his path, getting bruises and bumps. Sport organizes it and allows you to develop not only your body, but also many natural qualities.

Fourthly, during education I use incentives and rewards that are suitable specifically for children with the skin vector. In the case of boys, material gifts will serve well here.

For example, we gave our son a tablet, which he was very happy with, but on the condition that he would play on it mainly in games to develop logical thinking. He plays his favorite races, which only develop reaction speed (however, leather sports develop it much better) in measured doses.

Fifthly, I correctly punish him if he is guilty of something. The most accurate punishment for skinners is a restriction in space (put them in a corner or not allowed outside) and in time (for example, ban cartoons for a couple of days). All other options do not work or only cause harm.

It is imperative for a leather worker to demonstrate the benefits of some activity. So, quite by accident, not hoping for a positive result, I once suggested that a child (he was 4 years old) learn to read, since he constantly asked adults for help while playing on the computer. The child realized that if he learned to read, he would be able to play faster, and the process would be more interesting. The result: after three months he read syllables, and after six months he read relatively fluently and meaningfully.

These are not all the ways that allow you to make a leader out of a child and raise him to be a developed person. Perhaps after training in system-vector psychology you will be able to invent new ones. Register for the next free lecture on skin vectors and find your own methods for developing leadership qualities in children.

The article was written based on training materials on system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan

The issue of leadership depends not on natural data, but on the knowledge put into the child’s head by parents. And the experience of generations confirms this. It often happens that a person sat like a hero on the stove for many years, did not bother anyone, did not go anywhere. But an emergency situation arose, and he took upon himself both power and responsibility for what was happening, easily solving difficult problems over which yesterday’s passionaries shrugged.

Children's leadership

Children also easily demonstrate their leadership qualities if you don’t interfere with them and don’t get it into their heads that “yes, you won’t achieve anything with your character.” Parents should remember that anyone can take a leading position, and they should not give up too soon; they need to choose the right parenting strategy depending on the child’s character and temperament.

Two types of leadership

Did you know that there are two types of leadership?

Most likely, you are well aware of only the first type, the brightest, charismatic - so-called open leadership (“the first guy in the village”, the soul of the company). The man-organizer who said - and everyone obeys, does it, because you want to obey his power and charm.

The second type of leadership is more restrained, not always emotional, a kind of eminence grise. who quietly and imperceptibly does not even give orders, but controls people so that they themselves offer to do what is necessary and rush to do it after a slight nod.

The second type is in many ways more profitable, since non-obvious, not conspicuous leadership allows one to achieve results, and in the event of a mistake or failure, the offended crowd will tear the bright leader to pieces, while the gray eminence will calmly sit further in his office. He will remove another unlucky hero from his contact list, that’s all... Not a bad tactic, if you think about it.

What about child leadership? Most parents realize that raising boys and girls to be leaders should be done differently. But often even adults do not understand what exactly the difference should be.

If you have a son

Let's take as an example the literary work of Mikhail Weller, “The Adventures of Major Zvyagin,” an incredibly motivating book. One of the chapters tells how an inconspicuous boy falls in love with the first beauty of the class. Already at student age, she accepts his advances without fanaticism, then begins dating a richer guy - a graduate student with a car. And he says to the boy: “Leave me alone, you’re tired of me.”

In the book, this “amoebic” young man, under the leadership of Major Zvyagin, gradually becomes a popular guy that every girl dreams of. Over the course of several months, the major “pumps up” an ordinary hard worker from a construction site, who has not gotten anywhere, who is shy: he teaches him to play the guitar, dress decently, and ski. The young man publishes a poem composed by the collective mind of the Zvyagin family, and ends up on a prestigious TV show, which everyone watches, including his passion.

In just three months, an ordinary guy gains those bonuses with the help of which he moves into the category of sought-after young people. He dances beautifully, dresses well, has a lively conversation, argues, broadcasting thoughts from smart books. He fights skillfully in front of his beloved, is a great skier, and also has a fan with a car. And that’s it, the image is formed, yesterday’s touchy-feely girl falls head over heels in love and agrees to get married.

Let's take a closer look at the artistic plot: The book clearly describes the classic scheme of how a man goes from being a construction worker and a loser with no special prospects to becoming a desired husband for a spoiled girl. And a similar scheme can be applied to any person at a young age or, even better, in childhood. A parent can become a “Major Zvyagin” for his son and help him consistently follow the steps to success.

On this path, your son may also need the help of friends, but for friends to want to help, the child must already be an authority for them. And this authority is developed: either a person knows how to do something better than them, or he knows more; or in some situations he reacts competently, does not get lost, does not panic, but clearly says how and what we will do; or he has some unusual thoughts, knowledge, actions, and then others look at him as a guru.

You need to think about what interests are suitable for his age, for his company, in what situation the child can demonstrate superiority, knowledge that other children do not have.

If you have a daughter

I once read an interesting episode about how a girl, an ordinary schoolgirl, can be turned into the first beauty and smart girl. A teacher in the subject “Ethics and Psychology of Life” wanted to make an ordinary girl a super beauty in the perception of her classmates. After a lecture on gallantry and good manners, he put the girl on a chair and showed how to properly kiss a lady’s hand, using this girl as an example.

It was in the 10th grade, in September, and throughout the school year all the boys looked at this girl as the first beauty. This is such a simple manipulation on the part of an adult - and the teacher ensured that an ordinary girl becomes the superstar of the class, although before that she felt like an ugly duckling for nine years. This example is very illustrative.

I think you also noticed that the most beautiful and most popular girl is not the one who is really very beautiful, judging by some objective characteristics of the choice, and the one who behaves like the first beauty.

Therefore, if you want your daughter to feel like a queen, start telling her about it and giving her compliments. Moreover, it is desirable that they are not done by a woman, although mother’s praise never hurts, but that the daughter hears compliments and words of admiration from her father and other men: uncle, brother, grandfather.

The girl begins to get used to the fact that everyone likes her, because everyone tells her this, then she positions herself differently among her peers . Such a popular girl does not enter adulthood with the stupid feeling that every bit of attention must be paid for somehow, or that guys only give compliments when they need something. She lives with the feeling that admiring attention to her is the norm.

Unfortunately, mothers raised by the Soviet system make a terrible mistake: they kill femininity and leadership in girls. For example, my friend’s daughter in kindergarten had boys taking turns sledding her. And she, like a princess, favorably accepted their signs of courtship, they even fought over which of them would carry her on this sleigh. And suddenly my mother began to be indignant and reprimand: “How are you behaving like this?! You have to change places - he drove you, now you drive him.”

When I heard this, I was amazed and asked: “What are you even doing?! You understand that your girl has an innate female model of behavior - men perform feats for her, in return they receive her admiration and gratitude, and this is a completely normal, adequate exchange.

What are you teaching your child? Plow like a horse, no less than a man? Why are you doing it?!" Mom, naturally, was offended that I considered her model of equality stupid. But in my eyes, a mother who kills her natural femininity in a girl is her daughter’s enemy. This is a huge mistake if, fearing that her daughter will grow up frivolous, she does not allow the girl to be beautiful and attractive easily, without effort.

Therefore, if we are talking about teenage girls, think that for them a valuable distinguishing feature is beautiful clothes, the latest iPhone model, going to modeling courses, or any other attributes of “coolness” accepted at this age. No, I’m not calling for you to immediately withdraw your entire salary from your card and run to a boutique to dress your child in the latest Milan fashion.

This is a simple example of superiority on the scale of children's values. And no, it's not dangerous. Fashionable things and the latest iPhone will not make your daughter selfish on their own - character is formed by upbringing, not by brand of shoes. But among children and teenagers, fashionable things give superiority, all other things being equal, and this is good.

And now for the good stuff: You can have signs of superiority and leadership qualities without material wealth. If your child is intellectually ahead of other children, they will listen to him. If you have intelligence, any object or activity can be turned into an object of worship. Remember the scene from “Tom Sawyer” when the boys gave up all their valuables: glass marbles, coins, a button, a dead cat in exchange for a unique opportunity - permission to paint their aunt’s fence?

If you decide to raise your child as a leader, take into account his gender and create situations for him of victory and peer support if he is a boy. Praise and admire beauty and grace if the child is a girl. Your task as a parent is not just to buy him expensive things, but to determine the type and temperament of your daughter or son, and develop it intellectually and emotionally. Then the child will begin to dominate his peers and learn to build relationships with adults. This will be the foundation of his future leadership in the adult world, and you will be able to raise bright, successful and happy individuals. published.

Olga Yurkovskaya

If you have any questions, please ask

Oddly enough, it depends on a loving mother how her son will grow up - responsible for himself and his family or remaining a mama's boy until old age.

The boy should be supported and given the opportunity to take initiative. In this way he will gain an understanding of his inner worth as a spiritual being. He must develop a healthy approach to life based on the virtues of honesty, respect, kindness and compassion.

In adolescence, a boy needs discipline, and he will also benefit from some kind of social work (even military service may be useful) or some kind of charitable, religious activity.

It is especially important to spend time with a boy in nature so that he can gain the skill of interacting with the natural world. Walking, camping, gardening, connecting with plants, stones and stars will broaden his horizons and make him more sensitive to life in general, because it includes the study of not only ecology, but also traditional spirituality.

The sooner a mother begins to encourage her son’s “masculine” actions, the better. This is especially important when a boy goes through periods of so-called age-related developmental crises:

“three-year crisis,” when the child’s personality is formed and he becomes overly independent, disobedient and even aggressive;

“crisis of school readiness”, when cognitive activity is focused on the subject and informational development of the world;

and the very important “crisis of adolescence”, when “the blood is fermented” and studies recede into the background.

It is necessary to understand that during these critical periods the boy’s self-esteem is especially unstable.

Firstly, at the beginning of each crisis, your son enters a new sphere for himself, and this is always alarming.

Secondly, competition between boys is intensifying (“who is stronger”, “who will spit or pee further”, “which dad has the bigger car”), which reaches its maximum among teenagers (“who is cooler”). There is nothing to be done, nature created us this way. Girls also have competitive relationships, but they are much more smoothed out.

Compliments made by his mother about his physical strength will be especially valuable for almost any boy. "Well done! You are my real man! You are just like dad - a real master! I'm proud of you! With you I'm not afraid in a thunderstorm! Wow, how strong you are, I had no idea! You are so brave! I believe in you!" These and similar words, spoken with the appropriate expression, will never lose their magical power, even when your little “bunny” grows up. Don't skimp on them.

It probably wouldn’t be worth mentioning that a mother should teach her son useful skills: sew on a button, wash the dishes, boil potatoes, sweep the floor. A real man should be able to do everything - a mother should instill this idea in her son from childhood. Of course, the best confirmation of this can be the actions of the pope. But if, due to circumstances, dad is only good at talking on the phone and working on a computer, then you can tell your son that the best fashion designers and tailors are men, that the vast majority of chefs in restaurants are also men.

By the way, a mother may well involve her son in cooking. Just don’t entrust him with uninteresting and dirty work. Try to turn everything into a creative and exciting game, while not forgetting to follow safety precautions. “What else would you add to the soup?” “Do you think there is enough salt?” “Listen, can I rely on your nose? Please choose chicken spices to suit your taste.” “You can shape anything out of this piece of dough, and then we’ll put it in the oven.” “Who will open a can of canned food for me?”

Anything can happen in life, and if you are raising your son alone, then try to provide him with the maximum possible male influence - your father, brother or some other man who is authoritative for the boy. There is nothing to be done; male society is a necessary condition for the normal formation of a boy’s psyche. And one more thing - whatever your relationship with the child’s father, never tell your son anything negative about him...

A mother should, as early as possible, teach her son to have a particularly respectful and attentive attitude towards himself and towards women in general, thereby forming his masculine self-awareness. A boy must be taught not only to care for and help girls and women, but also to look after them, to clearly and beautifully express his normal masculine feelings. In addition, the mother must remember that, just like a father for a girl, so a mother for a boy is the first and most important object of the opposite sex that he meets in his life. The image of the mother is firmly imprinted on his subconscious, updated and enriched as the son grows up, and then, when the boy becomes a young man, this image will play a significant role in his choice of a life partner. That is why a mother should constantly monitor her appearance so that her son can at any time confirm the original truth: his mother is the most beautiful.

Leader - boy, has a masculine leadership position, that is, the boy tries to achieve his goals through his perseverance and perseverance. He achieves his goal, no matter how hard it is for him.

Your task is to help your son find his unique individuality as early as possible and realize it.

Dear caring mothers, if you really want the best for your child, if you want your son to respect you not only as a mother, but also as an interesting person, then think more about yourself, work on yourself, grow up with your son. Mom is the most necessary and noble profession in the world. But do not forget about other professions, that you not only have the right to realize yourself in other areas, but this is your responsibility precisely in order to be a full-fledged mother to your son. If you are happy in your personal and professional life, you will never turn your son into a “mama’s boy.”

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