Discord in the family. Feelings of self-importance and quarrels in the family

Next reason. We only want to take in relationships: love, care, attention. We want to be a child. We do not know that partnerships are relationships of equals. He satisfies our needs only when we satisfy his needs.

How often do we give in a relationship what a partner does not need, for example, we take care of a man, take care of him like a small child, indicate what he should do, give advice. Naturally, the man does not like it, and he moves away. And we are upset that he does not give us love and does not take care of us. And there are quarrels.

We quarrel because we do not accept a man as he is, we want to remake him. We do not know that only by giving a man admiration and appreciation, by accepting him as he is, we will be able to receive devotion, care and attention in return. We talk about this at the 5th lesson of the Women's School. You can see the training program and testimonials of the participants

How to avoid quarrels?

I repeat once again, in order to avoid a quarrel, you do not need to learn to give in and just make compromises. This will not solve anything, but will only accumulate emotional fatigue from such relationships, and anyway, someday it will result in scandal and hysteria.

It is important to understand some points and follow them. And remember that most often quarrels are initiated by a woman.

Why? Yes, because when a dispute begins, a woman understands well that she will lose in a dispute with a man. A man will turn on logic and begin to give arguments, so a woman turns on emotions. Everything is used: anger, swearing, screams, reproaches, complaints, accusations, demands. The woman herself begins to play not "by the rules."

You should also know that when a man feels challenged by another person, he perceives him as an enemy and it does not matter who is in front of him - his beloved wife and mother of his children or another man. At this moment, he concentrates only on his being right and on proving this right. If he doesn't, what kind of a man is he?

His voice becomes metallic and indifferent, he begins to attack and order. Naturally, this hurts us, we forget what we were arguing about, and we concentrate on the fact that the man offends us. The man is so arranged - he saw the enemy, which means that you need to catch up with him and destroy him. And very often we ourselves become this enemy, of course, out of ignorance.

A woman needs to remember that she is a woman. And unlike men, it is arranged differently. For a woman, the regime “Overtired” and “Too much shouldered” is a time bomb. You need to learn to ask for help, slow down, wait, and calm down.

Don't push yourself to the point where tantrums are your only way to relieve tension.

You don't have to apply "forbidden tricks" in a relationship with a man:

• provocative phrases like “Yes, what kind of man are you”, “You ruined my whole life”,
• remembrance of all grievances,
• ultimatums "If you love me, you will do it for me"
• insults. Insults leave a very unpleasant aftertaste in the soul.

A man is lost when a woman behaves unbalanced. Often he has to balance it with the help of force. After all, it is in an unconscious state that we dump all this on a partner.

Do not wait for the first step from a man if you were the initiator. It’s better to say first: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t restrain myself.” Do not play with pride after a quarrel and do not delay reconciliation, do not try to cause a feeling of guilt in a man, telling him: - How could you treat me like that, do it! He didn't even think to do that, it was you who turned him on.

Why does he start? - you ask. Because, like a normal man, he is looking for logic and truth in your words, but it is not there, because we are waiting for something completely different - of course, Love!

And if you don't get what you want from a man, then you don't give him what he needs. Therefore, any quarrels and scandals that a woman uses in order to get what she wants are unproductive.

Need to pay attention to your inner world, what is happening in it? You need to learn to pay attention to what you feel and how you feel. Do not accumulate negativity, and do not wait until it starts to pour out of your ears.

Learn to calm down, relax and stop. We women are very emotional and that is our nature. It is important to learn how to manage our emotions, because if we are not aware of what is happening to us, then emotions control our lives.

Learn to express your feelings directly: what are you dissatisfied with and what are you disappointed in without expressing disapproval to a man.

No - Why didn't you throw out the trash?! a - I'm tired, please throw out the trash.

No - Why didn't you call? a - I get worried when you don't call.

To do this, you must learn to listen and understand yourself. And be honest with yourself and with your partner.

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Tatyana Dzutseva.

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In many families, conflicts become too frequent. To achieve harmony in relationships with your loved ones, use effective conspiracies from quarrels and scandals.

When your loved ones quarrel, the atmosphere in the house becomes tense. Constant conflicts and lack of understanding are very common problems in many families. Some people in this case turn to family psychologists for help, but is this method always effective? Our ancestors did not have the opportunity to turn to psychologists and coped with such difficulties with the help of proven rituals. The site site team invites you to use effective conspiracies that will help harmonize the energy at home and improve relations between family members.

Energy causes of quarrels and conflicts in the family

Before proceeding with rituals from quarrels and scandals, you should understand the reason for their occurrence. If your loved ones constantly come home in a bad mood, and an attempt to talk to them ends in a conflict, then there is reason to worry about the energy state of the household. There are several energetic reasons due to which family discord occurs.

Bad aura at home. The energy background of your home affects the physical and mental state of your loved ones. Sometimes it is because of a bad aura that quarrels occur between households. The reasons for the emergence of negativity can be different: for example, the aura worsens if a seriously ill person has been in the house for a long time or a tragedy has occurred in your home earlier. To neutralize unhealthy energy, get rid of old things, make repairs and burn incense every evening. Create comfort around you, and then relations between your relatives will improve.

Damage or evil eye. Unfortunately, we are not protected from the negative influence of envious people. Some of them not only cannot be happy for others, but will do everything to disturb the harmony in someone else's house. If objects unfamiliar to you suddenly began to appear in the house, and your loved ones began to get sick often, it means that your family has become a victim of a negative program. You can remove damage or the evil eye yourself at home.

energy conflict. The incompatibility of your biofield and the biofield of another person can cause a conflict at the energy level. To solve it, try to get close to the person with whom you have quarrels most often. If these are your parents, be more affectionate and frank with them. Try to treat children with understanding, do not scold them because of trifles. Show consideration and concern for other family members. Destroying the energy barrier is not difficult, just be more open towards your loved ones.

Conspiracy from quarrels in the family

Very often, big scandals begin with small quarrels. If there are disagreements and misunderstandings between your loved ones, use conspiracies that will help you rectify the situation.

Get a white rose with wide petals from the store, then cut them off and hide them away from prying eyes. At the moment when your loved ones begin to quarrel, open the window and throw the petals with the words:

“Wind-wind, I don’t want to disturb you, but I ask: take quarrels out of my house, calm down my loved ones. Do not blow love and peace out of our house.

Immediately after pronouncing the conspiracy, the quarrel should stop, and your loved ones will calm down. Say it every time there is a conflict between households, and soon love and harmony will reign in your house.

Conspiracy from family scandals

Scandals in the family can destroy not only relationships between family members, but also the energy background of your home. To build relationships with loved ones, use an effective conspiracy.

You need to buy a package of refined sugar. In the morning, immediately after waking up, take one piece and say:

“I want my family to live in friendship. So that there are fewer scandals in our house, and more love and understanding. Taste my sugar, forget about all the insults.

Crush the charmed sugar and sprinkle it on other pieces that must first be put in a common sugar bowl. Soon, your loved ones will quarrel much less often, and over time, the scandals in your house will stop altogether.

Some representatives of the zodiac circle simply cannot live without conflicts, and it is advisable to contact them as little as possible. Astrologers have compiled a horoscope that will help calculate the most scandalous zodiac sign. May love and peace reign in your home,and don't forget to press the buttons and

Hello dear readers! You get tired of scandals very quickly. They exhaust, depress the nervous system and have a bad effect on the health of all participants in the conflict.

But if there are constant scandals in the family, what to do? What to do if you start to get the feeling that you and your family have simply forgotten how to talk without quarrels. This is what will be discussed in our today's article.

Explicit and implicit needs

When frequent scandals begin in a family, the claim itself is not always the reason for this. More often just the opposite. People hide the true causes of the conflict and quarrel over things that are not so important in reality.

For example, the household skills of the wife: “You don’t meet me from work with dinner”, “You completely forgot about cleaning”, “I again went to work in unironed pants.” Even if the next day you "correct", then you will not see the satisfied face of your spouse, he will still find something to complain about.

This indicates just that the claim made to you is not of significant importance. A man is worried about completely different problems, which, for some reason, he does not want to tell you. It remains only to guess what lies the answer to the question: "Why does he behave this way."

Such conversations can put him in an awkward position. In your eyes, he will look weak. Who wants to deliberately take a non-winning position?

You will have to be patient to find out the true reason, since even a frank conversation, most likely, will not work. If you start asking what really worries a man at a time when he is not ready for a conversation, this will only cause a new wave of indignation: "Do you think that I'm just picking on?".

He is unlikely to confess, but he will gladly accuse you of all mortal sins again: “You also think that my claims are unfounded. Excellent!".

I must warn you that in fact, the spouse may not suspect that the reason really lies in something else and firmly believe that he sincerely wishes you well, trying to do better. He moves away from his real experiences, delving into correcting your mistakes. It's also much easier.

force of habit

Somehow I had a chance to communicate with a couple for whom scandals and quarrels have become a habit. The woman could not sleep peacefully until she expressed all her dissatisfaction with her husband. Every day she came up with new problems, without even noticing this trend behind her. She didn’t like either one or the other, and she couldn’t stop in any way, justifying herself by the fact that if something worries her, then this is actually a significant problem that her husband should know about.

This is the biggest danger of frequent scandals. Such a strategy of behavior quickly becomes an established tradition, self, which both adhere to. One turns into a teacher, and the other becomes an eternal negligent student.

If you notice this behavior in your family, then you need to try to cope with the situation as soon as possible. At this stage, it ceases to be important who is right or wrong, who will win in a particular quarrel, the need to end the hostility comes to the fore until one of you is tired and has not declared a firm desire to divorce.

I can recommend a book Nancy Dreyfus "Speak to me like someone you love". It will help you learn to remain calm when dealing with the aggressor and return him to a constructive dialogue. In it you will find 127 stop phrases that will stop any quarrel.

How to avoid conflict

First of all, you need. You can't fix another person. It is impossible to win a quarrel and at the same time completely stop it. One will still be dissatisfied with something. Most likely, he will remain in his opinion, even if you were actually right. Now everything happens on emotions.

Any phrase can only inflame the other person, and you will get involved in a new confrontation. It is unlikely that you will be able to simply avoid a quarrel by doing other things, such as reading in another room or preparing dinner for tomorrow. If a relative wants, even at this moment, he can find an opportunity to make a scandal, so just learn to be silent. At least for a while.

Mentally repeat to yourself that the spouse does not care about what he is talking about now. You're just wasting time figuring out both things that aren't important to you. He needs to throw out the negative, and if you help him do it again, then the scandals in the family will not stop.

Talking in raised tones does not lead to anything, they do not help. The most important conversations for two people always take place in a calm atmosphere, almost in a whisper. Remember this.

That's all for me. See you soon and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

Good day and good mood everyone! The day before, doing household chores, I turned on the TV and got on some regular series. The whole plot revolved around the fact that everyone quarreled with everyone - children with parents, wives with husbands, best friends and worst enemies communicated exclusively in raised tones and tried to convince each other of the truth of their own point of view. I got tired of this business pretty quickly, I turned off the TV, but I thought: why in many families “house wars” are a matter of routine and almost daily. And what to do if there are constant quarrels in the family?

Our hit parade

I started my research by finding out why. It turns out that married couples quarrel:

How to quarrel?

We all argue and quarrel from time to time, but how we do it determines our future relationship. Of course, in the heat of emotions, it can be difficult to maintain self-control and listen to the voice of reason. In order not to break firewood, we remember for what purpose we quarrel. Certainly not in order to humiliate, offend and morally crush your partner, right? This is the shortest path to the destruction of relationships.

There are a few simple rules on how to maintain relationships and a friendly atmosphere in the family:

Continuation:

After a fight

And yet there was a conflict. Perhaps, in the heat of the moment, something superfluous was uttered. And it feels like an abyss between you. How to reconcile? First, internally. We mentally imagine the image of a husband and “clean off” the husk of resentment, anger, irritation. We are looking for under it that person whom we love and appreciate. And after that, sincerely, not through gritted teeth, we pronounce the words of reconciliation, apology and declarations of love. Do not forget about tactile contact - hugs, strokes, kisses.

Video about the parable "Mirror":

I wish you all long and peaceful years of living together, happiness and health to all your loved ones! Subscribe to updates so as not to miss new interesting articles!

At first, everyone hears “darlings scold - they only amuse themselves,” and then a divorce comes. Where is the moment when people move from love skirmishes to serious battles that undermine the family ship?

How to deal with quarrels in the family and achieve mutual understanding?

Sometimes a husband and wife are so carried away by the actual process of a quarrel that by the end they forget about its causes. The next morning, the veil falls and a hangover sets in: you screamed at each other all night, blamed all mortals, and the reason for this is milk forgotten in the store or being late for the holiday?

It seems that you don’t want to get divorced, because in calm times you really love each other. But spending evenings in a state of cold war is difficult. What to do with quarrels in the family?

The only ways to avoid major family strife are either not to quarrel at all (that is, not even to start!), or to someone to give up first, even at an early stage of insanity.

Usually the responsibility for finding a compromise falls on the ladies' shoulders. It is understandable: women are wiser, it is easier for them to yield without hurting the thin skin of their own dignity.

Moreover, those ladies who manage to lead a peaceful coexistence with brutal soul mates, by no means consider themselves weak and weak-willed. This is a great power to endure, to yield, to submit, to smile...

So that in the end everything turns out your way, but without quarrels. This requires mental strength, so look for your own source of energy. Communicate with children, be in nature, realize yourself in creativity.

Men - they are, whatever one may say, males. They flare up quickly, defend pride, hate making excuses and asking for forgiveness. This is their little weakness, and a smart woman will never dance on this sore point. And even more so - to saw the poor fellow for nothing.

Let's see why peaceful families so often turn into a nerve sawmill. The reason for this is the dissatisfaction of both parties.

Yes, yes, it may seem to a woman that only she is not satisfied, but as soon as a quarrel begins, they crawl out of dark corners - mutual claims.

It turns out that since childhood he dreamed of becoming a poet, and she ruined his talent. And he forced her to move to the countryside and abandon a great career. And so on, until a snowball is formed, under the avalanche of which both will get stuck.

Quarrels in the family are a useful thing, as long as they are controlled. If both play by the rules and discuss solely around the cause of the contention, arguing the position and listening to each other, then such a debate will play into the hands of both.

Expressing your opinion is important! But, you see, rarely does a home skirmish resemble an intelligent discussion, except that the spouses have three higher educations and the status of professors.

What to do with uncontrollable quarrels in the family

1) find out the reason. Perhaps you just entered a time of crisis (for example, you recently had a baby or moved to a new place). It is necessary to wait without making sudden movements.

2) Chronic dissatisfaction must be treated ... with satisfaction. Think about what drives you to nightly scandals. It is never too late to realize your dreams, and you should not blame your spouse for your current life.

Ultimately, you are responsible for yourself. Look for ways out, talk. Do you want to go in for sports, needlework or take courses? Look in the family budget for money for new hobbies.

3) Ladies love for nothing. And if you just chatted with a friend, and she told how a distant friend of a colleague from the third floor “missed” her husband, who ran to his mistress during business lunches ...

This will unfold in full, and the husband can safely expect an interrogation with passion after every dinner. Conclusion: slow down self-winding and listen to friends less .

4) If the reason is obviously stupid and empty, bypass it in silence. Spend the evening in silence, go to cheerful friends or get distracted by some movie. If you don't start loosening the boat now, by morning the problem will have evaporated.

5) Tact and delicacy are needed even after ten years of living together. Give each other freedom, don't touch personal things, don't follow, don't check phones, don't throw away other people's old knick-knacks, don't yell, respect your partner's parents, don't insult each other in public.

6) Talk. Do not harbor doubts, fears and secret desires. The more innuendo in a marriage, the more holes it has. Togo and look will disperse at the seams.

7) In earthly love, the egoistic principle takes precedence over tender feeling and reason. Sometimes you can't do without outside help. Someone is being helped psychologist's advice, for someone - a conversation with the priest and a prayer. Marriage only then becomes indestructible when stable mutual respect arises in it. Respecting your partner, you will never stoop to insults and screams.

8) Blame the guilty. If your expectations were not met, think about what caused it. Think well, not out of habit! My friend once a week complains: “Life is a nightmare, I haven’t been fishing for five years ... Ten years ago, nothing prevented me from sitting with a fishing rod!”

He blames his wife for everything, but she allows him to go fishing. I even gave my husband a new rod and a set of tackle for his birthday. And he is prevented from resting with a fishing rod by hard work, systematic help to his brother in building a house, children requiring dad's attention in the evenings, a love of books and football on TV and too lazy to get up early.

It is customary to blame your neighbor for everything, but to be honest, you will understand: in order to realize your desires, you need to get up, put aside ordinary affairs and go towards the goal. We ourselves drive ourselves into the routine of everyday life and are too lazy to change something!