Family harmony: how to install and maintain? Harmony in family and marriage. Family through the eyes of an Orthodox psychologist

Relations in the family should be not only harmonious, but also mutual. You can't give your all without getting anything in return. If you feel like you're doing everything all alone, then maybe it's time to figure out what you're doing wrong and whether you're living with the right person. In this article, we will give you 10 tips on how to make your family life harmonious.

1. Choose a person close to you in spirit and character, then it will be easier for you to endure the vicissitudes of fate. Suppose you are a strong person, and your partner is a follower who constantly hides from adversity, whines and does not want to decide anything. On the other hand, he commands a lot and demands from you, and out of habit you harness yourself into an unnecessary load of yet another problem. Dot the i. If it's not difficult for you, take on some of the problems, but demand from your partner that he also takes part in family or work moments. You should not constantly do everything yourself, you will not only overstrain, but also be disappointed in your partner. The one who is used to doing everything himself no longer listens to the advice of others, and moves away spiritually. Thus, the internal connection is lost. Discuss any problem at the family council, identify the problem and solutions, and then who will deal with it and why.
2. Never hush up any difficult situations that have happened, always discuss them, ask for help or advice if you need it. The longer you remain silent about the problem, the more difficult it is to solve it later. The partner sees that you are hiding something, and begins to invent, God knows what, this leads to misunderstanding and quarrels, and hence to alienation.

3. Always decide on major purchases and cardinal changes in life together, you don't need to be informed after you've done it. You will not only run into conflict, but your partner may also go on principle. For example, you bought a ticket and want to go on vacation, and your partner is so tired that he is not at all in the mood for romance. Or you have been offered a dream job in another city or abroad, discuss it right away, whether your partner is ready to wait for you or go, leaving everything, with you.
4. Household chores do not disappear from family life, so decide right away who and what can offer to do around the house. If you do everything together or in turn, this is harmony, but you should not put everything on one, because patience may come to an end. You cannot help yourself, provide your partner with household appliances, money so that he can solve problems without contacting you.
5. Discuss not only spending from the family budget, but also how you will relax, meet friends, and how you feel about your partner's long departures. There are no trifles in a family, therefore, in order to avoid quarrels and scandals, it is also better to find out right away. Even if you are a dictator, slow down your manners, be softer, you are at home, not at work. Otherwise, the struggle of strong characters will turn into a constant war.

6. A very important point is your personal qualities, for example, whether you know how to forgive. And also, how do you feel about the fact that a partner can get sick, leave you. If you are confident in him as in yourself, then this is a very reliable and harmonious relationship, so you don’t have to worry, he won’t leave you, and you won’t leave him either. Very often, mutual assistance decides a lot in a family, so look for a partner who is ready to share all the hardships and hardships with you, otherwise your marriage will not be long. The one who runs away after lack of money, the illness of his soul mate, is simply a traitor.
7. Of course, the basis of any family is children. It is children who make a family complete and harmonious. If the partner does not want children, then this should alert you. In addition, always discuss how many children you want and when you plan to have them. Do not put before the fact when it is too late to change something. If a man is not ready for the appearance of a child, then he will not love him. Both spouses should take care of children if they want the children to respect both mom and dad.
8. Do not forget that any relationship is based on sex, because without him the family will not receive the most important thing, love. It is sex that is the connecting thread that helps to renew relationships, raise them to a higher level, and tie the bonds of marriage stronger. Denial of sex can give rise to a bunch of problems that can lead to discord and alienation of partners. If you are always desirable for your partner, and he is for you, then no one will separate you. Love carried through the years is the strongest and most faithful.

9. Study your soul mate, try to match her, grow up to her level. No need to laugh at some quirks or desires, since you fell in love with him or her for who they are, then this is your person. The more nit-picking and ridicule, the less trust and love. Do not sting at home, you will get the opposite effect. If the requirements are too high, you too may not get what you expected. Your partner is the same person as you with your strengths and weaknesses, learn to forgive and accept him with them.
10. A lot depends on the upbringing of a person, so try to grow spiritually together, don't stop along the way. You can learn something new, help each other. You should not constantly mock a person that he does not know how to do something, take it and teach him, otherwise he will simply go to someone who does not have such high requirements. It is not necessary to drive the partner beyond his strength, maybe he does not want this. You need a garden, it is more pleasant for him to live in the city, you should not break your personality, who knows, maybe this is where his calling is. A lot depends on good manners and tact, a tactful person will give you that feeling of harmony that you dreamed about.

By listening to your partner and meeting his desires, you will get a strong family, relationships based on trust and love. This is the harmony of family relationships, which can be preserved for life.

Harmony in the family is an age-old and relevant topic for all the fair sex, married or still brides. How not to argue with your husband? How to become an ideal mistress, wife, mistress? There are countless answers to these questions. And since the topic itself is far from the last place in a woman's life, books, psychological trainings and much more are dedicated to her. But each of us has our own harmony in the family! Our women's magazine will tell you how to achieve it today.

Family harmony starts with you

It is no coincidence that they say that all diseases are from the nerves. A nervous person, being in constant stress, breaks down on others, and first of all goes to relatives. Of course, they understand and forgive us. But isn't the price too high?

After all, the family at all times has served as a kind of island of stability, joy and kindness in this frantic whirlpool of life. And why, knowing all this, do we bring our stresses to our own home, thereby violating even the most “stable” harmony in the family?!

Learn to separate the working moments of life from your personal life. Understand that work is not the most important thing. This is by and large just a means to get money for recreation and entertainment that you could not afford if you were not working.

Family harmony: a little practice

What to do if you can't just switch? What if you yourself create this disharmony in relations with your family? After all, in the end it turns out that you simply do not love yourself and consider yourself unworthy of this harmony!

Think about it, take a break from everyday affairs. Find what makes you lower your self-esteem, find out the reason. Ask for help and support from your husband, best friends. Contact for . Remember that not always a person himself can solve his mental anguish, some need serious psychological help. And most of us just need a moral boost.

As soon as you begin to radiate harmony from within, when your voice is full of life and joy, when a sincere smile appears on your face, you will achieve harmony in the family! You will become more cheerful, lively, stop breaking loose and paying attention to various minor troubles.

Harmonious relationship with husband and boyfriend

With the help and support of loved ones, it is much easier to achieve your goals, to understand yourself much easier. But what if you are left alone with your problems?

To avoid conflicts and clashes with your loved one, just decide for yourself once and for all that you and him are the perfect couple. Relax and let this belief really sink into your consciousness. You can, for example, make a list of qualities-characteristics on which you agree one hundred percent:

- Physiological: Are you an owl or a lark, a vegetarian or a meat eater and so on. Your partner must respect your choice, understand, accept and not judge it. The ideal option is to adhere to the same attitude, opinion on a particular issue.

- Flexibility of character: the ability to negotiate and listen to a partner is the key to harmony in the family. Everyone wants to be understood and listened to - this is a well-known fact!

- Sexual preference A: Every person has different needs. If there is no agreement in sexual matters in a couple, conflicts cannot be avoided. Therefore, it remains only to talk frankly with a partner, without hiding, and find out what wishes, claims and interests anyone has.

- Views on "what is good and what is bad": this is another issue that requires a detailed joint discussion. “Good boy” and “boy girl” can get along together if they are connected by something more and deeper.

- Money requests: This is a very sensitive issue. Of course, it's good when you belong to approximately the same social stratum. Otherwise, strive to have an equal level of claims and expectations in the material plane.

- Future plans: Your plans and plans of your beloved for the future can be anything. But, unfortunately, harmony in the family cannot be achieved if you look at your future life differently.

Ours believes that you should not be afraid of the main thing - talking with your beloved man about the problems or difficulties that arise in your relationship. Accumulated grievances, destroyed expectations a priori do not contribute to strengthening relationships and do not contribute to harmony in the family. So don't wait for the situation to resolve itself. Take action!

Courage to you and harmonious relations with the closest people!

Especially for the portal "Strana Kr asoty" Natalia Ionova

Creating a family is the most responsible step that we take in our lives. Having taken this step, we pass into the world of genuine social maturity. This is, first of all, the willingness to take responsibility for the responsibility of another person.

Family - a word derived from the ancient Slavic "seven" - worker, servant, household.

A formalized marriage union gives a woman the opportunity to feel confident, reliable in her position, affects her dignity and well-being. In a legal marriage, love relationships are open, obvious to everyone, and most importantly, supported by public opinion and from this they become stronger.

Family life, it can be said, is a symbiosis of sexual, intimate-psychological and household intimacy. Therefore, when entering into these relationships, you must be clearly aware that by taking this step, you have already passed the period of clarifying your compatibility issues and are embarking on a qualitatively new path to the formation of your family.

An important question that arises is where to live. If you do not yet have your own separate housing, and the fear of possible difficulties prevents you from independent searches for new ways, and you decide to stay in your parental home, then you should be prepared for the fact that you cannot avoid parental care in this situation. And of course, you will have to reckon with the family structure that has already developed in the house.

There are pros and cons here. For example, according to sociologists, quarrels in a young family arise regardless of whether they live separately or with their parents. But the number of divorces is less in those young families who live with their parents. And strange as it may seem at first glance, where the material conditions are better, including the resolved issue of separate housing, there are also much more divorces.

Many young couples, approaching the principles of creating a family, its development strategy, are mistaken, thinking that we, they say, will live in a completely different way, we will organize everything differently than the old people. But, as they say, you don’t need to invent a wheel, you can just add something of your own. Of course, each family is different in some way, but the fundamental principles, the formation of the family way of life, the psychological climate, sexual compatibility, are already accumulated experience of generations. It must be studied and learned to skillfully use in your newly formed young family.
This is undoubtedly difficult and hard work, but it pays off a hundredfold with the harmony of marital understanding, family comfort, the happiness of children and a calm old age.

The most important thing is to preserve the love that exists between you, with which you came to the family. Do not let her dissolve into the routine of family relationships. This is the invisible foundation on which the happy well-being of every family rests. It is no secret that a prosperous family atmosphere, its spirit, so to speak, largely depends on a woman. By nature, a woman perceives the multiple nuances of relationships faster, better and more subtle, and how she behaves in the family, what mood she sets, such an atmosphere will develop.

He is looking for beauty - I will become more beautiful,
Uma - I will stand before him divine
Whatever he wants, what love wants,
What does he know, or hear, or read?
He finds all the joys in me -
So what will he be tempted to do in others?

And if it's hard to be faithful,
He will find thousands of others in myself.

A. Eroe

Many young couples, as statistics show, are faced with opposing positions regarding which of the two should be loving and which should be loved. For some reason, everyone is sure that he should be the object of love. Such a position initially leads to further clashes and confrontations in sorting out relationships, introduces an unhealthy atmosphere into the family, leads to the destruction of love, without which the family will simply fade away, like a fire without firewood. And then we wonder how she disappeared, we doubt whether she was at all.

It is difficult to create harmonious relationships in the family, even if one of the spouses is selfish in his role. Constant readiness for self-sacrifice of oneself, one's personal interests for the benefit of the family - this is the path to harmony.

This includes restraining one's irritation, and jumping up at night to the child's bed, and erasing diapers, and solving the mass of everyday issues that we face daily in the family. The family is the daily fulfillment of one's certain obligations, established by the family way of life. The family is also a psychological refuge for each of us. Everyone, coming home, undoubtedly wants to find rest, relaxation, a sense of support and mutual understanding here. Especially in difficult times. It is necessary to analyze each other's problems that arise at work, in other situations. It is impossible to allow a person to close his problems in himself, it is unacceptable to distance himself from the difficulties that arise in the life of a spouse. Help and get help yourself - that's the motto of the family.

The art of family life lies in the fact that everything that is positive in one becomes the property and pride of another.

The family, as a complex system of relationships, involves interaction and management. "Who is the head of the family?" is not an unimportant question. In the process of time, the attitude of each spouse to family life is manifested. The leader becomes the one who is able to maximally contribute to the implementation of all the functions of the family, that is, who performs his family duties better than anyone else. Therefore, whoever assumes the powers of the head of the family receives more as a result of duties than rights. As experience shows, the desire for absolute power in the family of one of the spouses is not the best form of organizing family relations, which ultimately leads to physical and psychological overload. The most prosperous situation is in those families where the issue of leadership is not on the agenda at all. Where there is no struggle for the leadership of one of the spouses, there is no clearly defined headship of the husband or wife.

The emotional and psychological balance of the family directly depends on the satisfaction of the needs for care, affection, attention to each other, sexual satisfaction. Each of the spouses must receive in marriage their own minimum requirement for satisfying these requests. Otherwise, due to the resulting discomfort, negative feelings and emotions develop, which gradually undermine the stability of the family.

There is no need to use the tactics of criticism in the family, this is a harmful method, the functions of which can only be destroyed. Almost all wives of the well-to-do families surveyed use criticism extremely rarely and in small doses. But in dysfunctional families, wives are constantly criticized. This gradually leads to a violation of spiritual harmony, the husband’s sense of usefulness and value disappears. As a result, it can lead to the fact that a person cannot assert his self in the family. And as a result, the marriage may fall apart.

What kind of husband will turn out from a man, as numerous life examples show, largely depends on the mind and female virtue. Of course, the attitude of a man who can elevate or humiliate a woman is also important.

You can not speak badly about your spouse in the circle of relatives, friends, acquaintances, it is necessary to protect the honor of the family. Engaging in the condemnation of a spouse in front of outsiders is a sign of bad manners, elementary disrespect for oneself. By doing this, you only bring up once again for discussion by everyone the question of why you chose him, and whether it is your fault that now everything is so bad.

In any family there can be periods of misunderstanding and resentment. Therefore, it is necessary to compromise, to show diplomacy. Sensitivity and tolerance can promote cooperation in the family.

W. Shakespeare wrote:

Try to protect yourself
Not for yourself: you keep the heart of a friend.
And I'm ready, like a loving mother,
Protect yours from grief and illness.

One destiny for our two hearts:
Freeze mine - and yours is the end!

Newlyweds begin their life together, as a rule, already with a previously established, inflated level of requests in all areas of life. And contradictions, disappointments are naturally inevitable here. Therefore, it is necessary, especially in the initial period of family relations, when there is an intensive grinding in, to try to lower your bar of requirements, not to follow your own lead in this regard. The interests of husband and wife should be common in everything. In prosperous families, a man gives in and helps his wife, in comparison, more than in dysfunctional families.

Try to communicate with each other more often. Make such a rule in your family, after work, share your impressions of the past day, making assessments and giving some advice to each other, compliments, encouragement. Get used to having dinner only together, always waiting for each other, at the table the atmosphere is more conducive to sharing impressions of the past day. Try to be aware of all the problems of the spouse. It is also important that your attention does not turn into importunity, which will simply annoy. Get some rest from each other if possible. For example, you can go to relatives for a short time, spend time with friends - this is also a manifestation of concern for the integrity of the family.

You should not completely lock yourself into the family in communication. As a rule, this leads to constantly arising frequent petty quarrels and conflicts, which, like rust, corrode the well-being of the family, as you simply annoy each other, limiting yourself in communication.

You need to learn the ability to refuse family to each other, while not offending the other. It is not so difficult, it is just necessary to give information about a possible refusal with humor. Promise to consider the request. The use of such tactics smooths out grievances.

Try to encourage each other in everything, especially in difficult moments of life for a spouse, sometimes even two or three kind words spoken in time mean a lot to a person, do not skimp on them. Compliment your wife more often, now she needs it even more than during the period when you met. Don't forget that women love with their ears. And wives need to remember that a man's heart is also sensitive, even to mean praise. The conclusion is very simple, you must always think positively about your husband - this is the shortest path to harmony and vice versa. The selfish character trait of concentrating on one's "I" is one of the factors destabilizing family relationships.

Harmony is complete mutual understanding, love and trust. Relationships should be peaceful. People must find compromises among themselves so as not to create ground for conflicts. It is important to learn to listen and hear each other, to accept your soulmate for who she is, to appreciate and respect. To achieve happiness, you need to wish it to your companion with all your heart, elevate him and admire his virtues, turning a blind eye to minor shortcomings.

However, it is much easier to say in words than to do it in practice, to apply it in life. We all understand with our minds how to act, but only in theory. When an annoying situation arises related to your partner, then anger and emotions cover the mind and fill it completely. First anger, then pride and the eternal pushing forward of one's own "I". And then what?

Then a scandal, a quarrel, one after another. And so from time to time. As a result of such a process, misunderstanding and irritation are born, admiration and inspiration disappear, as if it never happened. A habit is born, which consists of memorable moments “how good we used to be” and the hope that this will happen soon. But nothing bad appears out of nowhere, and nothing good either. So how can a bright feeling be born again in the cold life of familiar relationships? Unfortunately this is not possible. No wonder they say that you can't step into the same river twice. We conclude: you need to protect what is and while it is.

Relationships are a very fragile thing that doesn’t cost anything to destroy. Therefore, you need to treat them like a crystal vase. The family rests on trust, which means that it is better not to sow the seed of suspicion and not to invent reasons for jealousy and imaginary deceit. It is important to respect and support your spouse in their hobbies, interests, work and other concerns. If you really do not like the addiction of a loved one, try to remain neutral.

Stop and don't start rummaging through mobile phones that don't belong to you. The same applies to pockets, notebooks, diaries. Every person has the right to their own privacy. And he will not leave you, will not give and will not change if you are attentive and diverse to him. Watch your appearance, few people like a beer belly or cellulite on the hips.

Periodically go together to places that are memorable for you, make annual trips, at least out of town to nature or a sanatorium, be responsive and cheerful. Do not try to constantly complain about life and sores. Strangers will pity you, but a loved one will soon get tired of it. Follow the daily routine, health and nutrition, do not run into a conflict, then you won’t have to complain.

Abstract

The book is devoted to the actual problem - the creation and preservation of the family. The particular urgency of this issue is related to the severe crisis in which our families find themselves: priority is given to egocentric values, the number of divorces is growing, the birth rate is falling, the number of abortions that are performed daily is horrifying - the crisis has taken deep roots. Therefore, it is important to revive the value of family and marriage, to actualize their spiritual principles. How to build relationships between a man and a woman, how to avoid the eternal conflict of "fathers and children", how to maintain warm emotional relationships in marriage, what are the spiritual foundations of marriage and family - the author raises these and other questions in his work. An unambiguously positive moment is that the author of this work proposes to consider family and marriage in the context of two complementary aspects: spiritual and psychological. The book was written by an experienced psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences Morozova Elena Anatolyevna, who devoted many years to studying the problems of marriage and family. Having developed the problem in detail at the psychological level, after her churching, the author supplemented and rethought the work, including in it the spiritual component of family and marriage. The result is a book that, on the one hand, is psychologically sound, competent and highly professional, and on the other hand, sanctifies the spiritual aspects of marriage in line with the Orthodox tradition, Orthodox tradition. This combination is an undeniable success.

Harmony in family and marriage. Family through the eyes of an Orthodox psychologist - Morozova E.A.

Introduction

Part I. Family and Marriage: The Basics

Spirit, soul and body

Main goals in marriage

Independence from parents

family hierarchy

Free choice

Overcoming egocentrism

Love and its manifestations

The first love

signs of passion

neurotic love

Chapter 4

Signs of true love

Chapter 1

Marriage motives

Choosing a life partner

What matters before marriage

Conditions for a happy union

sacrament of wedding

Stages of marriage

The origins of selfishness

"Masks" of egoism

bodily differences

Differences on a mental level

Spiritual Differences

Levels of communication in the family

Dialogue approach

Conflicts

Ways to resolve conflicts

Humility and patience

family functions

Family Roles: A Psychological and Patristic Perspective

Distorted Roles

family hierarchy

Family types depending on the hierarchy

Emotional togetherness

Family and emotions

Expression of emotions

Chapter 5

Intimate relationship in marriage

Spiritual relationships of the sexes

Consequences of unchaste intimate relationships

Contraception and its complications

Chapter 6. Abortion from Orthodox and Secular Points of View

Typical arguments for abortion supporters

Consequences of abortion

Chapter 7

family crisis

Characteristics of the stages of the family life cycle

Overcoming age crises

Chapter 8

Church on Divorce Permissibility

adultery

Relationship breakup stages

After divorce

Part III. Parents and children

Chapter 1. Personality of the child in the family

Development of the child's personality

Family Qualities

Emotional attitude towards the child

Conditional relation

Conflicting emotional attitude

Selfish love for a child

overcare

Emotional rejection

Chapter 2. Spiritual and psychological meaning of motherhood

Motives for the birth of a child

Perspectives on motherhood

Reasons for abandoning a child

Chapter 3. Parenthood as a special phenomenon

The concept of parent prototypes

Spiritual and psychological meaning of parenthood

Chapter 4. Conception and Birth: Biological and Spiritual Aspects

Conception: secular and Orthodox points of view

Fetal formation

Biological and spiritual aspects of childbirth

Infancy

Baptism

Chapter 5. Orthodox and humanistic education

Orthodox education

Humanistic psychology

Features of raising a boy and a girl

Chapter 6

Punishment: general concepts

Method of punishment

Hoax

Types of punishments, their impact on personality

Types of rewards, their impact on personality

Chapter 7. Parent Directives

Good intentions

Part IV. Family as a whole

Chapter 1

Family as a system

Causes of the patient's appearance

Chapter 2

Family way

Conclusion

Harmony in family and marriage. Family through the eyes of an Orthodox psychologist - Morozova E.A.

According to the author, there are several reasons for writing this book: it is the loss of spiritual roots and traditions of the values ​​of marriage, a strong family, motherhood, their replacement by “free love”, “civil” marriage. Based on many years of experience in the field of medicine, psychology and education, the author reflects on how to build relationships between a man and a woman, how to avoid the eternal conflict of “fathers and children”, how to maintain warm relations in marriage, what are the spiritual foundations of marriage and family.

Introduction

Part I. Family and Marriage: The Basics

Chapter 1. Existing approaches to marriage and family

Family and marriage: from the point of view of psychology and the church

Spirit, soul and body

Main goals in marriage

Chapter 2. Conditions for the Existence of Marriage

Independence from parents

family hierarchy

Free choice

Overcoming egocentrism

Chapter 3

Meeting: psychological and spiritual meaning

Love and its manifestations

The first love

signs of passion

neurotic love

Chapter 4

Signs of true love

Spiritual, spiritual, physical love

Part II. marital relationship

Chapter 1

Marriage motives

Choosing a life partner

What matters before marriage

Conditions for a happy union

Chapter 2

sacrament of wedding

Stages of marriage

Chapter 3

The origins of selfishness

"Masks" of egoism

Chapter 4

Differences between a man and a woman

bodily differences

Differences on a mental level

Spiritual Differences

Levels of communication in the family

What hinders self-disclosure of spouses

What helps the intimacy of spouses

Dialogue approach

Conflicts

Orthodox view of conflicts

Ways to resolve conflicts

Humility and patience

family functions