Why am I attracted to married men? Behavioral problems in cats. Why does a cat meow often? Psychology of attraction for married people
Maria, Moscow
How to distance yourself from the advances of a married colleague?
Father, hello. At work, a married employee pesters him (hugs, kisses with lust), and only when his wife is not around. I am not married, and I, a sinner, of course, enjoy the attention. Forgive me, Lord, but with prayer I came to the realization that there is nothing good in this. He says he loves his wife and values her, but why then behave this way? I tried to talk and explained that such behavior was dangerous both for me (God forbid, I might become attached to him, and it would be really hard to live), and for him - he is married, and it’s disgusting to deceive his wife. He answers the following: “I want and will”, “what’s wrong with this”, “it’s not enough”, “she won’t know”, “that’s who I am” and other excuses, he flirts and goes home to his wife as if nothing had happened. Father, please tell me why this is so? For what? What should I do? In this situation, only I feel bad, but he doesn’t care, he doesn’t consider this behavior bad (it’s probably convenient for him). Thank you for your answer and patience.
You should start your business with prayer. Try to pray Holy Martyr Thomaida and Reverend Mary of Egypt for myself and the reverend Moses Ugrin for the person stalking you.
And further, you know, as long as you like him, he most likely will not leave you. Show him that you are indifferent to him. When he realizes that he won’t get anything, he will leave you. You know, sometimes it happens that a woman says “no” with her words, but shows “yes” with her whole appearance. And therefore, first of all, convince yourself that you don’t need it. And you need to clearly, distinctly, accessiblely and firmly explain to him that you are not interested in him.
Based on your question, it seems to me that the person pestering you is running into a scandal. And if your firm refusal does not stop him, in front of witnesses, ask his wife to talk some sense into him. Don't be afraid of a scandal - it will happen anyway, sooner or later. And it will be better if it happens on your terms.
And don't give up prayer.
There comes a time in every woman's life when she begins to need a serious relationship and her own family. However, after analyzing past romances, the woman understands that all her partners were not free. Moreover, in most cases, the woman seemed to be a hostage to circumstances, unconsciously attracting those who were already married. Since such relationships have no future, they left behind a lot of negative emotions, resentment and pain, and the woman vowed to herself never in her life to fall in love with married men. However, after a while, circumstances again brought her together with an unfree person, and the situation developed according to a well-known scenario.
It may seem that evil fate, fate and unfortunate fate are to blame for the problem, but in fact, the woman herself attracts married men into her life. Of course, this happens unconsciously, because... The root of the problem is hidden in deep psychological attitudes and complexes. To break the cycle of unhappy relationships once and for all, let's try to figure out why some women are attracted to married men?
Why do some women always meet married men?
Version No. 1 - she is afraid of a serious relationship
A married man is an unavailable man. He spends a strictly allotted time with his beloved, after which he returns to his wife, an established life and family. Of course, there are cases when new loves forced men to radically change their lives, leaving their family for them. However, a happy ending in a relationship with someone who is no longer free is rather an exception to the rule, but not the rule itself. Women who have affairs with married men understand this very well. Moreover, psychologically they are satisfied with this particular format of relationship, because he does not force them into any serious commitment.
Rare meetings with a married young man create the illusion of a rich personal life, but, in essence, the woman remains free, having the opportunity to make her own decisions and lead her life. If at the same time a woman dreams of her own family and full-fledged relationships, she experiences deep emotional dissonance. Psychologists analyzing this situation would come to the conclusion that in the past a woman who constantly attracts married people has some kind of strong resentment against men. Moreover, this resentment could arise in early childhood. For example, a girl watched her parents’ endless quarrels, which is why her subconscious developed a strong belief that close relationships with men only bring pain.
To get rid of the problem, first of all you need to understand your attitude towards the stronger sex. If you really feel resentment, try to get rid of it so that you can start a new relationship with a clean slate.
Version No. 2 - men perceive a woman as a good friend
The way some women communicate may be the reason why married men pay attention to them. We are talking about the so-called “female girlfriends” who willingly listen to the problems of men, becoming a kind of “vest for tears.” If a man is currently experiencing a crisis in his family life, there is a high probability that support from a woman will force him to pay attention to her not only as a friend.
If you have already found yourself in similar situations, change your course of action. Try not to break the distance when communicating with unfree men and under no circumstances discuss their family problems with them.
Version No. 3 - a woman behaves like a “convenient” lover
Often married men choose “convenient” mistresses for themselves. This means that she will not advertise their relationship, will not create scenes of jealousy and demand the impossible from him. At the same time, the woman herself may not be satisfied with this state of affairs, but she meekly accepts the rules of her partner’s game, justifying her behavior with a strong feeling.
In fact, a woman gets involved in such relationships not out of great love, but because of low self-esteem. For some reason, it seems to her that she does not deserve complete happiness, so she has to be content with little, namely, rare meetings with a man who is already married.
If such thoughts come to you from time to time, deal with your complexes. Understand that you, just like any other girl, deserve to love and be loved, without sharing your man with someone else.
These are just the most common reasons why some women are attracted to married men. In reality, the role of an eternal lover can be determined by self-doubt, the desire to take revenge on past offenders, the inability to say a firm “no” and many other internal problems. However, there are no problems that cannot be eliminated. Therefore, you must analyze your line of behavior and draw appropriate conclusions so as not to repeat sad mistakes in the future.
Indeed, maybe he is simply drawn to places where there are no problems, where he is perceived as he is, where nothing is demanded of him? Maybe a married man simply doubted your love? In this situation, not all is lost. Your heart will tell you what needs to be done so that peace and love reign in the family again.
He probably loves himself most of all
This type of man will never leave the family, but he will not give happiness to anyone. He is afraid of change, he has a terrible dependence on the existing way of life, he is nervous about sorting out relationships, for him it is not important that everyone feels good, he only wants happiness for himself. Such peacemakers can have mistresses for years.
What about family? Your husband will bring in the salary, take care of the children, and help with the housework. But periodically, with stubborn consistency, he will disappear to sleep with another woman and seek acquaintances that are usually undesirable for married men.
What about the mistress? Sometimes they will give her gifts, kiss her tenderly and promise that as soon as his children grow up, finish school, graduate from college, get married, and then give birth to grandchildren, he will immediately separate from his wife. In this case, it is better for the mistress to think about how not to fall in love with her lover. Moreover, she decided for herself: “I’ll meet a married man!” She should have understood from the very beginning that if a married man hits on her, it means he doesn’t have a very good attitude towards women.
What does everyone have? Endless pretense, endless lies. And the children who will suffer the most in this family situation are the children, for whose sake the appearance of marriage is maintained. Children should grow up in sincerity, children should learn love from the example of their parents.
What to do? Just imagine that for the sake of your imaginary well-being, you are robbing happiness not only from your children, but also from yourself. You will not be happy, your children will never be happy. And husband? Who needs him, such a husband?! He doesn't love anyone but himself.
He fell in love and he will leave
That's a tragedy, that's a tragedy. It needs to be experienced. Your husband is an honest man. He doesn't want to deceive anyone. Of course, this doesn’t make it any easier: you don’t want to live, now you hate him, and her, and yourself, and the whole world. But remember, it is not possible beyond your strength. Let him go with God. But don't forget about yourself. A loving heart should love, and not cry and suffer. Of course, you can choose the masochistic option, but then blame yourself for this, not your ex-husband.
Universal remedy
Has your husband fallen in love? Fall in love too! Just know: you need to love a person, and not your love for him. The most terrible crime in life is a crime against Love. Do not live with anyone without loving, and do not force anyone to live with you out of a sense of duty.
A married man has fallen in love - signs, and what should a girl do in such a situation?
Falling in love is a feeling that people cannot control, even if they really want to. This often brings difficulties in their lives, since coping with unwanted love (when you are already in a relationship with someone, for example) can be very difficult. If a married man falls in love, what are the signs of this, and what should a girl do in such a situation?
You should not enter into a relationship with a man who is not free under any circumstances. Even if the sympathy is mutual, and the attraction is strong. You will get into a lot of trouble at best, or you will weaken your psyche and get a nervous breakdown at worst. We’ll figure out how to refuse without negative consequences for ourselves.
If you find yourself in a relationship with a married man by accident
It sounds incredible, but it happens. Many dishonest and philandering married men not only do not advertise their status, but carefully hide it. Therefore, it may well happen that you accidentally find out about him some time after the start of your romance.
The question of what you should do in such a situation cannot even be raised in such a situation. Run, and as quickly as possible. What can a relationship that begins with such a monstrous deception lead to, and how can one characterize a person capable of such actions?
So thank the higher powers that everything did not go too far and did not have time to acquire irreversible consequences (in the form of an accidental pregnancy, for example). And break off contact, and under no circumstances renew it. And there cannot be two opinions here.
If it's your colleague or boss
The most difficult situation is when her married colleague, or, worse, the boss on whom her career depends, falls in love with a girl. You need to act here very carefully, and first of all, make sure that you are not mistaken about him. Maybe you are just imagining this love, and he simply allows himself free communication and flirting with girls.
Do you know what your compatibility with a man is?
To find out, click on the button below.
Signs of a married man in love
If a man holds his gaze on your eyes for more than 10 seconds, this is the first sign of his caring attitude. If he looks at you when he laughs with everyone else. If you notice his gaze on you when he thinks you don't see him.
If a man touches you casually so often that you notice it. If he sits next to you in meetings and planning sessions, stays close to you in the break room, in general, he is nearby all the time.
3.He helps you
With work, or with something else. Drives you home or to business meetings. Offers help when he knows you have a problem. Delays you at work (if he is your boss), inventing all sorts of reasons for this. Goes with you to trainings. He tries to spend as much time as possible with you, in a word.
4. He is trying to bring you into personal communication that does not concern work issues.
He writes messages, tries to involve him in correspondence. Asks personal and uncomfortable questions. Flirting.
A woman usually feels when a man falls in love with her. Therefore, if you have any suspicions that your married boss has fallen in love with you and is trying to get closer to you, you should be wary and keep your ears open.
How should a girl behave if a married man falls in love with her?
If there is no way to stop communicating, as is the case with this work colleague, you will have a hard time, especially if the man persistently involves you in communication and flirting. Try the following algorithm.
Behave correctly, but be extremely cold. Move away if he comes close to you, break eye contact, and gently refuse any help. Reduce your work communication to a minimum, and interrupt non-work communication completely.
Invent yourself a lover
Sometimes cold behavior can only provoke a man. In this case, even if you have no one, you can come up with a relationship, a budding romance. Tell other colleagues about it, show photos. Ask one of your friends to play along with you. Let him meet you after work sometime and play a tender lover.
Have an affair with another, single colleague
An option if you don’t want to invent anyone. And everything will not only be reliable, but at close range from your married admirer
If a married man confesses his feelings
Make it clear to him that nothing can happen between you under any circumstances. If he continues to insist, threaten to quit. Don't leave him the slightest hope that he might even have the slightest chance of winning you over.
Remember the main thing - your behavior means a lot to a man, but if there is no harmony at the level of signs, then the relationship will be very tense. It is very advisable to find out the exact compatibility of your zodiac sign with the sign of a man. This can be done by clicking on the button below:
What are the dangers of having an affair with a married colleague?
If you yourself are drawn to embark on this dubious adventure, think carefully about the consequences. Everything happens at work, and sooner or later everyone will start whispering. His marital status will be a separate reason for condemning you.
A damaged reputation will not bring anything good to your career. Damaged nerves will not make your health and your psyche stronger. His love will quickly pass (after all, he is married), but what will happen to you and your feelings? I assure you - nothing good.
Try to imagine someone else you love in your place, like your sister or your best friend. Would you advise her to enter into such a relationship? Try to imagine yourself in the place of his wife - how would you feel if your husband had an affair with a work colleague.
Deciding what to do if a married man falls in love with you, of course, is up to you, but remember the consequences of any decision you make. About the fact that everything in our lives comes back to us like a boomerang, and that even the strongest sensory experiences are not worth your tears and the future negative consequences of the decision to enter into a relationship with a married man. Even if you both fell deeply in love with each other.
If he can't cope with his feelings, set an example and deal with yours. We don't always get what we want from life, but we always get the lessons we need. Reconsider your view of the feeling of falling in love, realize its dark side and danger.
Relationships with married men are very expensive for girls - disappointments in their romantic expectations, frayed nerves, and a damaged reputation (if such relationships become public knowledge). Think twice – do you need it? If you still think yes, think again.
If you want to be with the man you love, you need to figure out whether you are compatible according to your zodiac sign?
Find out your exact compatibility with a man by clicking on the button below:
How to tell if a married man is in love. Main signs
In this article we will talk about how to determine that a married man has fallen in love. You will learn what verbal and non-verbal signs of love the chosen one can express, as well as what actions and words indicate a man’s serious intentions. As a result, you will be able to determine whether a man is in love with you and whether you can plan a future together with him.
Recognizing feelings
There are frequent cases when a married man meets a sweet and charming woman and his whole life is turned upside down. At first he does not realize the seriousness of what is happening and does not pay attention to his experiences, but over time the feelings become stronger, and the desire to be with this woman overcomes the fear of the destruction of a long-term marriage.
Unfortunately, not in all cases love is truly real. Many men, who are womanizers by nature, simply take advantage of the naivety, gullibility and love of their chosen one, promise “mountains of gold”, and as a result, use her to satisfy their male “ego”.
Understanding a man’s feelings will help you determine the seriousness of his intentions and build a long and happy relationship with your loved one.
No matter how professional a player a man is and no matter how well he maintains the brand of a decent family man, there is a certain list of “symptoms of falling in love” by which one can easily find out the true motives. So, let's take a closer look at the signs that can be used to determine whether a married man has serious plans or not.
Conventionally, all signs can be divided into two categories:
- verbal (conscious words and actions);
- non-verbal (uncontrolled gestures, emotions and even actions).
- He has become less interested in sex and is not bothered by the lack of intimate life.
- He began to pay special attention to his appearance (ironing his shirts, shaving more often, wearing expensive perfume, etc.).
- He was often detained at work and sent on some business trips.
- For him, family holidays, significant dates and events concerning his family became completely unimportant.
- He tries to avoid communication, sharing dinners, and intimate conversations with his beloved.
- He stopped making surprises and giving gifts.
- Body position. During a meeting, you may notice that the man's body is slightly tilted in your direction, as if he is trying to bridge the distance between you and does not want to agree with your distance.
- Touching. A man in love will try to touch you as much as possible. At the same time, these can be either targeted touches on the shoulders, hair, or minor, accidental touches with the hands.
- Sight. You can understand everything from a man's gaze. If you notice that he is constantly looking at you and wants to make eye contact with you, then most likely he is in love and wants to get your full attention.
- Lips. Notice his smile. A man in love wants to achieve a smile from his chosen one in every possible way. He will joke, be mannered and do everything just to see a response smile and a happy look. Also, his lips will betray his feelings. If you refuse him or say something sad, it will immediately be reflected in his smile, even if he tries to keep the brand of a strong and independent man, the corners of his lips will be lowered.
- Smell. A man in love strives to smell his woman. He will inhale the aroma of perfume, the smell of hair and skin. This instinct is uncontrollable and often men do not even notice such behavior.
- Demonstration of self-importance. If a man in love has serious plans for a woman, then he will definitely try to demonstrate to her his superiority and importance. He will demonstrate with all his behavior that he is smart, handsome, wealthy, cheerful, etc.
- he will buy gifts, take him to a restaurant, shower him with flowers (demonstration of financial security);
- he will strive to solve any of your problems on his own (demonstration of importance and strength);
- you will definitely notice the so-called “gentleman's set” behind it. He will offer his hand, open the door for you, help carry heavy packages, offer his outerwear on a cool evening, etc.;
- he will demand complete dedication from you and any signs of attention from other men will infuriate him (jealousy is a sign of falling in love).
- Fear of direct contact. The husband feels guilty and begins to show it in his behavior. He tries to avoid eye contact with his wife. His conversation becomes more reserved, and any attempts to talk about relationships and the future are simply ignored.
- "Random" meetings. A married man cannot make an appointment with his new chosen one, and therefore he will strive to organize a seemingly random meeting. This could be a friendly party or a holiday, the obligatory guest of which will be your loved one. If it's a colleague, then it's even easier to justify spending time together.
- Help and problem solving. He can justify his readiness to resolve any issue that arises with simple friendly support, but this is not so. If the husband is ready to quit work, rest and rush to solve her questions and problems at the first call, then most likely he is in love with her.
- Interest in a woman's life. A man in love not only sympathizes with his chosen one, but also listens to her carefully, remembers important events and dates from her life. If he does not have the opportunity to personally talk with a woman, then he begins to learn about her affairs from friends and relatives.
- Nervous when meeting. When meeting the woman he loves, a married man begins to get nervous and loses self-control, because he understands that his feelings for this person are quite strong and he wants to be with her.
- limit communication and prohibit calling him in the evening when he is at home;
- prohibit telling friends and relatives about your relationship;
- spend holidays only with family;
- be nervous if you talk about relationships and a future together;
- strive to make up for their absence and ignorance with gifts.
- His behavior and communication with his wife will be colder and rude.
- He will begin to devote more time to his new passion and strive to spend time with her even on important family holidays.
- His facial expressions and gestures will contradict his words and actions.
- He will begin to get nervous and will be irritated by any serious conversations from his wife or mistress.
- A man’s new passion will definitely affect the intimate relationships between spouses.
A new and strong feeling of love affects a man’s behavior, his words and actions. At the first stages, all the so-called “symptoms” may not be so expressive and even completely controllable, but over time the true condition becomes known.
How to tell if your husband is in love
The first person to notice that a man is in love is his wife. She knows her loved one well and can easily notice even the most minor changes in his words, behavior and daily schedule.
To be sure that your husband is in love with someone, check out this article.
If you suspect that your husband has found a new passion, then most likely you will be able to notice the following changes in his behavior:
In some cases, exactly the opposite happens. The man feels guilty and tries to make amends for it by showering his wife with gifts and attention.
Of course, you shouldn’t immediately jump off the hook after one of the points is noticed by your spouse. Perhaps he was really delayed at work or he just got tired and forgot about the family dinner.
It is important to understand that each person is individual, and therefore there is no exact pattern of behavior for a man in love. Someone begins to ignore their spouse, while others, on the contrary, try to pay as much attention to her as possible so that she does not suspect him of cheating.
Only one thing can be said for sure. It is not at all difficult for many wives to notice changes in their man, but it is difficult for them to accept reality and agree that he has found someone else.
A husband's falling in love does not always mean the end of a relationship and divorce. Perhaps this is a passing hobby, after which he will begin to appreciate you even more. In some cases, such situations strengthen the marriage, but more often than not, they cause the destruction of the family.
How to understand that a married man has fallen in love with you
Of course, you don't know a man as well as his wife, but you can understand his intentions and feelings through his verbal and nonverbal behavior.
Pay attention to the following nonverbal cues:
As for verbal ways of demonstrating feelings, they will be as follows:
Many men, not wanting to lose their family, try in every possible way to control verbal signs of attention, but it is simply impossible to take control of non-verbal gestures, and therefore, first of all, you need to pay attention to them.
Verbal behavior - signs of falling in love
It is quite difficult to determine whether a womanizer is in love, because this category of men professionally controls themselves and their emotions. They are quite rational and know how to plan their time, meetings and calls. It is difficult to determine the betrayal of an inveterate womanizer and identify his love, which cannot be said about a decent family man.
If you notice the following behavior in your man, then most likely he is in love:
It is quite difficult to say that all of the above points will be reflected in a man’s behavior, because each person is an individual with his own temperament and character.
Many women want to build a relationship with a man so much that they perceive any of his actions as attempts to declare love. Practical psychologist Nadezhda Mayer will tell you what three misconceptions lovers in love often encounter. Thanks to this video, you can understand whether your relationship has a future or whether you are just wishful thinking.
Is it worth building a relationship with a married man?
It is important to note that a decent man will not disparage his wife and leave her for a new passion. On the contrary, he will try to muffle his feelings and save his family.
If a man, from the first weeks, begins to speak negatively about his wife, be rude to her on the phone in your presence and declare that he is ready to leave her for you, then do not think that he will not allow this to happen to you.
Of course, there are exceptions. Some men are truly unhappy in their marriage and perhaps meeting a new acquaintance and falling in love is a chance for them to start life from scratch.
man proposing to girl fiend outdoors
If you have fallen in love with a married man and think that this is the person with whom you can create a happy family, then pay attention to his behavior. If a man’s plans are not serious, then he will:
In most cases, such relationships do not lead to good results.
What to do if your husband falls in love?
It is important to understand whether this hobby is temporary or whether its intentions are serious. Of course, there is no need to make drastic decisions and ruin relationships. Give him time to rethink what is happening and make a choice - family or new love.
What should I do if a married man fell in love with me?
It all depends on your plans. If you want to build a long-term relationship with him and are confident in the seriousness of the chosen one’s intentions, then act boldly. If you do not want to destroy your family and this is just a fleeting romance for you, then the only way out will be a complete cessation of meetings and communication.
If there are signs that your husband is falling in love, what should you do?
Many women immediately begin to sort things out, create scandals and begin to demonstrate their anger and aggression in every possible way. This is the wrong tactic. Show your man your love, demonstrate to him the importance and value of family. Try to remind him of how much you have gone through together, what difficulties your relationship has overcome. Let the decision to save the family be his personal one.
If a married man falls in love, then the following signs will certainly appear:
A relationship with a married man is a huge risk. Many women fall in love with their chosen one and become mistresses without even realizing that he does not plan to develop this relationship. Other women destroy a man’s family, and then tolerate boorish behavior towards themselves. If you are sure that a married man has fallen in love with you, then first you need to think about all the subsequent actions and only then make a decision.
A married man fell in love - signs
A married man may not be happy with many things in family relationships: a boring everyday life, an unkempt wife who is always dissatisfied with something, capricious children. And if you consider how greedy they are for self-confident, young and sexy beauties, it often happens that some work colleague, wife’s friend or random fellow traveler becomes the one for whom you want to live and feel loved and needed again . This article contains signs that a married man has fallen in love.
Can a married man fall in love?
Of course, maybe, because nothing human, as they say, is alien to him. Working a lot, spending very little time at home, a man moves away from his wife and subconsciously begins to look closely at those who surround him most of the time. In addition, marriage requires work on oneself, the ability to give in and obey. Once upon a time, romantic relationships are consumed by everyday life and caring for common children, but a man wants to be loved and desired, wants to win the woman he loves again, give emotions and receive them. That is why there are often situations when a married man falls in love with another woman - easier-going, sexy, well-groomed, who can give new sensations.
Behavior of a married man who fell in love with another
You can understand that a man is experiencing certain feelings by his behavior, gestures, words, and actions. Of course, bound by marriage, he will control himself, because only a bachelor has nothing to prevent him from showing signs of attention, but in any case, he will find a way to make it clear that he is not indifferent to this particular woman. This will help you guess his true feelings:
- Language of the body. A man will not be able to resist “accidentally” touching the object of his passion, giving her a smile or sending her an interested glance. He will strive to overcome the intimate comfort zone that every person has in order to smell the body and hair.
- Taking care of the woman you like. If this is a colleague, he will offer his help with work, and then offer a ride home. He will invite his wife’s friend to visit more often and will make sure that her favorite dishes are on the table. In a situation where a married man falls in love with a married woman, he will act extremely carefully so as not to compromise her, but at the same time he will provide help through friends, acquaintances, etc.
- Increased interest. He will be worried about everything connected with the object of love. What she likes, where she likes to go, spend time to find common ground.
- Attention. Those who want to know how to understand that a married man likes you should answer that he will look for a reason to please you. He will bring coffee to the beginning of the working day, present flowers or some kind of gift. He will take every chance to be close and enjoy communication.
Actually, even if a man acts with maximum restraint, the woman will intuitively understand that he is not indifferent to her. How she should behave in this situation and what to do next is another matter. It is clear that having decided on a close relationship, she will automatically be drawn into a love triangle and it is impossible to immediately understand who will be the loser and who will be the winner. In addition, a man may simply be a womanizer who decided to have fun on the side. Without wanting to become a homewrecker, much less another victim of a womanizer, it is better to immediately and delicately let the man understand that there will be no development of the relationship and that he is not your type. Of course, this needs to be done gently and without hurting the man’s feelings, because he hasn’t done anything bad to you yet.
If a married man has fallen deeply in love, then what are you risking by playing the second role?
Actually, if your plans do not include a relationship with a married man and you are not in love with such a man, you risk practically nothing if you have the belief “men don’t get divorced.” The risk arises when you have fallen in love and are already in an affair with a married man.
If you do not believe that he can leave his wife for you, and do not believe that you have every chance of starting a family with him, you risk:
1) constantly protect and cry;
2) spend half your life in a relationship with one married man and never get married;
3) always be in second or third roles;
4) give a lot of your priceless feminine energy not only to him, but also to his family, including his wife and children.
A woman feeds a man energetically. When a married man falls in love with a woman who plays a “second role,” she acts as a kind of donor and psychotherapist in one bottle for a man who has problems in his relationship with his wife. At first, this donation and therapy are unnoticeable, but over time the woman begins to feel more and more empty, squeezed and tortured, she loses strength and receives practically nothing in return.
Money and jewelry, if they appear, are wonderful, but often they are not. And if a woman behaves incorrectly, being a “second wife,” she only loses strength and receives nothing in return except suffering.
Another question is that if she goes for it, it means that for some reason this type of relationship is beneficial to her and suits her. But this is already about the question of personal problems and reluctance to have full intimacy.
It is important to note one more point. Who is the “other” woman if she does not become a wife? This is a person who is not actually drawn into a relationship by the husband himself, but he does it together with his wife and his entire family system. At the same time, the wife may not suspect that the married man has fallen in love and the existence of another woman.
What this means is that men and women, as spouses, together with their children, form a family system that acts as a single mechanism. At different stages of the family system’s existence, it faces difficult situations that must be overcome.
To overcome these difficulties, she can use different strategies - going to a psychotherapist, independently discussing the situation and finding solutions, negotiations - these are constructive strategies. But family members can also involve third parties to solve the problem: often such third parties are children, whom parents unconsciously use in order to somehow agree with each other, such third parties can also be other relatives, some kind of activity.
The following mechanism operates here: a man cannot come to an agreement with his wife. For example, both of them do not know how to openly discuss their needs and talk through options for solving problems; all their discussions end in conflicts and cursing, accusing each other of “ruining their lives,” “not understanding anything.”
Another woman appears, to whom the man tells a lot without fear and sincerely, including about his relationship with his wife (the first mistake of a “secondary” woman that prevents her from becoming a wife is listening to a man’s stories about his relationship with his wife). This is just as wrong as not buying a Chanel bag on sale.
If a married man falls deeply in love, he unwinds and relieves stress by voicing his emotions in contact with another. Then he satisfies in contact with her those needs that he cannot satisfy with his wife. Most often, contact is in first place, in second place is receiving recognition and positive emotions from the “second” woman and the absence of criticism and comments about his personality.
He receives all this and returns home calm. He is no longer so nervous and does not worry about his relationship with his wife, because now he has the opportunity to discharge himself emotionally and physically in another place.
This is how the woman of the “second plan” is integrated into the family system and can thus remain integrated until she gets sick of it all.
Aries - horoscope for today
There is a very high probability that your efforts will still lead you to some result. If you suddenly discover that the result is not at all what you need, try to take it for granted.
Whatever happens between you today will only bring you closer together. This means that you don’t care about any troubles or obstacles in life as long as you are together. So, it’s easy to break one twig, but it’s almost impossible to break a whole bunch of them. Your tandem is that same bunch of twigs. At least on this day.
On this day, something will happen in your intimate life that you have already heard or read about. Or maybe something similar has already happened to you - just a very long time ago. Try to remember that. what to do in such situations and don’t get confused.
Carry a red pen with you everywhere and find opportunities to correct other people's mistakes. Restore your own sense of dignity, which has suffered greatly from such treatment at school. Hunt with special diligence for documents belonging to the older generation, especially nasty individuals reminiscent of teachers, head teachers and the director of your memorable educational institution.
Today you will have to spend quite some time figuring out what you want to do, what you need to do, and what needs to be done right now, postponing thoughts until a more appropriate time. The stars recommend that you set your priorities right, even if it turns out to be a difficult task.
When planning to go to a restaurant for romantic purposes, be prepared in advance to compromise on the choice of what you will eat and, most importantly, drink. If the stars recommend fish to you, but your companion would prefer a leg of lamb, which, not only is it impossible to eat alone, also requires red wine, while white is more suitable for you, and you can drink it We actually intended to have champagne, since the occasion for dinner requires it—problems might arise.
Nowadays, don’t forget about fresh vegetables and fruits: they must be on your table. It is not at all necessary to eat them in large quantities: one or two fruits a day will allow your intestines to function normally.
How to understand a married man
No matter how much they say that you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune, no matter how much they warn that nothing good will come of it, there are still no fewer affairs with married men. No one is safe from them, because you can’t command your heart. And it is very rare when a representative of the fair sex has such great willpower that can make you listen to reason and forget about feelings. If you don’t want to become another victim of a busy representative of the stronger half of humanity who has decided to diversify his personal life, find out how to understand a married man, who you are for him and whether it’s time to cut him out of your life.
How to understand the attitude of a married man
Sooner or later, a woman begins to think about the further development of her relationship with her beloved man. And it doesn’t matter at all whether her chosen one is married or not, although the chance to connect her fate with a free man is always higher. No matter what married men say about their wives, about how bad they feel in their family, how they are not understood, their words do not always correspond to reality. Most of them, therefore, want to pity the woman they liked. They understand perfectly well that not a single representative of the fair sex dreams of an affair with a married representative of the stronger half of humanity, understanding all its futility. To conquer the beauty they go to any lengths. Therefore, you should not believe everything they say, but rather watch how they behave. Their actions will speak best about their attitude towards you.
A man who is truly in love will feel remorse towards his family for not being able to maintain his feelings for his wife. He will never insult the woman who gave him children and took his last name. Instead, he will try to find a way out of the current situation and it is not a fact that he will decide to leave the family, especially if he has developed a trusting and warm relationship with the children. Only when a man made a mistake in choosing a life partner or got married because a girl was pregnant, can he decide to make a choice in favor of the one who won his heart. But even in the case when his wife does not respect him, does not care about him and tries to humiliate him all the time, he will not talk about it. He will enjoy his relationship with the woman he loves and choose the right moment to change his life forever.
If a man shows a lot of attention before the start of a date, but stops doing this when it ends, showers him with messages and calls before the meeting, and then dryly replies that he’s already at home or everything is fine, he simply wants to diversify his sex life and is experiencing a certain interest in his mistress. kind. It’s not worth talking about some deep and strong feelings. In such a situation, only the woman herself can decide whether she is satisfied with such a relationship, which reduces the chances of meeting a free man for whom she will be the one and only, or not.
When a married man begins to talk about his own plans for several months or years ahead, it’s worth thinking about. No one is forbidden to dream, but if he thinks that it is time to take his relationship with his mistress to another level, it is unlikely that in such a situation he would have time to make long-term plans for the future. When a person is in love, but is already married, he does not feel stability, he is in limbo. And planning is associated with a feeling of stability, which means that a man, even in his dreams, does not think about changing his personal life, he is satisfied with everything.
He is attentive during intimacy, and then seems to forget that the woman is also a person, it’s time to end this relationship as quickly as possible. After all, all this indicates that he is absolutely not interested in what and how she lives, he satisfies his needs by having fun and taking a break from family life, which is not as rosy as he would like, but is not going to change anything. He doesn’t care what problems and difficulties she has.
His infrequent appearance is evidence of his frivolous attitude. He may call unexpectedly, and after the meeting disappear for a month without saying a word, then appear as if nothing had happened. Meetings with another woman provide him with a break from his wife during moments of quarrels. But when peace and tranquility reigns in the family again, he completely forgets about the one whose head he turned.
If this is repeated for several months, there is no need to talk about any long-term, let alone serious, relationships. Such a man is satisfied with such frivolous relationships. If you raise the issue of more regular and longer meetings, he will try to reduce everything to a joke or disappear altogether if the woman’s position remains as firm.
- A married man does not have strong feelings for his mistress if he does not go out with her, does not introduce her to friends, refuses any joint outings, even if the place where he should go is very far from his home and it is unlikely to meet someone in common there family friend. Considering a woman as a way to diversify his life, he does not seek to spend free time with her, anywhere. It is best for him to retire to her home or hotel and go their separate ways. In the case when such behavior continues for more than a month, it is worth thinking about whether you need a man in whose life you occupy an insignificant place.
- When the first impulses of passion that threw him into the arms of another woman pass, a representative of the stronger half of humanity begins to get irritated over trifles. Any questions about his family and feelings can cause anger and aggression.
- He sincerely believes that if a woman knows about his marital status, then a priori she agreed to respect the boundaries that he sets. When she starts to violate them, she will receive a harsh rebuff.
An affair with a married man is doomed to failure in most cases.. Of course, it also happens that he leaves the family, leaving his wife and children, but this happens very rarely. If it so happens that you have fallen in love with a married man and cannot free yourself from this passion, try to understand his attitude towards you. After taking a closer look at it, listening to your intuition, make a decision on what to do. No one has the right to decide for you how to live, but do not let your feelings control you; they are not always able to tell you the right answer on how to act in a difficult life situation. After all, an affair with a married man gives not only the opportunity to love, but also severe pain.
What does a married man in love look like and how does he show his feelings?
Hello, dear ladies! They say that it is difficult to understand a woman. But it’s no less easy to guess what a man feels about you. Especially if this man is already taken and has another relationship. But sometimes love comes from where you don’t expect it at all. Today I want to talk about how to understand whether a married man loves you and what to do in such a situation.
By and large, the behavior of a married man in love is not much different from the behavior of a single guy. And if you take a closer look, you will definitely notice the signals and hints that he subconsciously or consciously sends to you. And here you don’t need any special test to determine sympathy. Just take a closer look at it.
He will truly care. Even in such a small thing as bringing coffee or a ride home. If you work together, he will often ask if you need help, for example, moving furniture. Or he will give you theater tickets for a production that you really wanted to go to.
Another bell - he is looking for a meeting with you. If you are colleagues, then he will look for projects in which you will be together. If he is the boss, he will often ask you to stay and help him. Unrelated calls, chance meetings, a collision in the elevator - all this can hint at his feelings.
A married man may become very nervous in your presence. After all, we have to agree that this is a tense situation when a captive person develops feelings. Therefore, he may even experience outright panic around you.
A man in love will recognize you. And not just be interested in hobbies, but ask about your personal life. How do you spend your free evenings, who are your friends and do you have a significant other.
Some married men start lying. Lying to my wife about being late at work. And he tells you that in his family life everything is much worse than it really is. Finding himself in such a situation, he wants to convince himself that he is doing everything right. Therefore, he deliberately worsens the situation at home in words.
If he calls you in some special way, then this may indicate his sympathy. Showing special attention to your person definitely shows his interest.
Of course, gifts. If a married man gives you gifts, then you can be sure that he is really interested in communicating with you.
Subliminal signals
But it also happens that a man tries to ignore the woman he likes, so as not to complicate the situation. He avoids meetings, cannot talk calmly, blushes or turns pale. However, no matter how hard he tries to hide his true feelings, his body language will speak very loudly about his attraction.
The first subconscious signal is touch. They may be casual and fleeting, but very meaningful. When passing an object, he will hold his hand a little longer than expected. Will stand next to you to touch your shoulder.
His gaze will linger on you longer than on everyone else. Even when he turns away. He wants to look at you and this will clearly show in his behavior.
Smells have their own certain power. A man in love will unconsciously inhale when he is near you to smell the perfume. Might accidentally run your nose through your hair if you're close enough.
Of course, a smile. We always smile at the person we like. Even when we are just talking about this person. And he will try to make you smile with all sorts of jokes and funny stories.
It is quite possible that he will display a gallantry unusual for him before. For example, he never opened the door for a woman, did not pull up a chair, and so on. And he tries to please you in such trifles and shows concern.
What should you do now that you have realized that a married man has sympathy for you? It all depends on the situation. Who are you to each other, do you want to start a relationship with a married man, do you have feelings for him or not. After all, according to statistics, only 10% of men end up leaving their wife for another woman.
It also happens that he loves two women at once and cannot leave either of them. And here everything depends only on you: are you ready to build such a relationship, are you ready to share a man with another lady all your life.
One of my clients dated a girl for five years behind his wife’s back. He said that he loved both of them and couldn’t decide. But a crisis at work came, which provided an opportunity to test which of the two women would stay with him no matter what. And it wasn't his wife.
You must determine for yourself what you want. If it doesn't bother you that he's married, then go ahead. You need to fight for your happiness. My article “How to interest a married man” will help you.
But the problem with this situation is that you yourself may end up in the place of his ex-wife. Therefore, carefully assess the situation, think about what you are ready to do and what you cannot accept.
In any situation - remain yourself. Don't become a victim. Many ladies believe that they need to grab every chance so as not to be left alone. That’s why they tolerate cheating, date married people, and allow much more than they would like. Don't forget about your wants and needs.
I wish you all the best. Love yourself and be loved!
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I have no words. I read these articles and I’m sitting... Let me be Anna, let’s call me that. I've been a lover for four years now. I'm surprised myself. I have two children from my first marriage (8 and 6 years old). My man lives with me most of the time, brings money to the family, takes care of my children, does all the men's housework, does the shopping and sleeps over two nights a week. So I think... I lived in a marriage for 5 years with a man who did not work for 4 years, did not take care of the children at all, did not know where the garden was, and treated me like a servant. I asked him for sex. He was generally shy until his next lady got pregnant. Being a mistress is immoral, bad, arrogant, but I don’t refute anything and prove nothing to anyone - I live better with my married man than my married friends with husbands. Believe me, our daily life is in full swing, but somehow I don’t notice it all; it’s easy, pleasant, and I want to do everything for this strange family. I see he is in a hurry to come to me, he misses the children. In four years I would have figured out the deception. Not everything is as described in this article. It’s better to get married and there are the same problems. It all depends on the people and how they build their relationships. At times I imagine that he left his wife... But I don’t need that. Don't judge others and you won't be judged yourself. I wish everyone peace and mutual understanding, and with this comes love.
Hello Anna! It's great that you met a loving man. It is absolutely clear that your relationship with him is special and if everyone is happy with everything, then don’t worry about someone’s opinion.
I recently got a job at a company. The director treats me very well. The first glances were towards my chest when I turned away, my eyes narrowed. It was obvious that he was interested in me as a girl sexually. There's a ring on my finger. Helps me with work, teaches and takes care of me, makes coffee, etc. He is patient and forgives a lot. I’m 25 years old, men like me, some compliment me, some suffer... I don’t think highly of myself. Not self-confident, I would say, but I'm working on it. She has always been modest and sincere. My childhood was difficult; I lacked a real father. Therefore, I began to notice that I like mature men and I do not pay attention to green guys. Therefore, his attention bought me and now I think about him every day. At the very beginning, he looked at me as if spellbound, looked at everything, looked as if he was drunk... He was straightening his hair when I came in, the smell of perfume filled the whole office, he even blushed, he was fiddling with his chin, he was looking in the mirror... I drowned too... I realized it right away, therefore, I began to show indifference, although I really like him, he is a Real Man and there are few like him. But I understand that this is taboo. Therefore, I behave as usual, I don’t show it and, on the contrary, I ignore it; having noticed this, he is now afraid to look again and does it when I have turned away. His wife is listed as his favorite and I know that he has 4 children. He is a good person in his own right. How can I not think about him and forget about him?
Hello Mila! I understand how difficult it is for you, because indeed, a patient, caring man, who seems to float from meeting you, cannot help but bribe. I’m even amazed at your resilience, especially that you don’t even show it. Deep down, of course, you understand what the approximate alignment will be. While you have the opportunity not to fall into this cauldron, and if you do, you will grow head over heels in feelings for him and then it will be very difficult and painful. Somehow I'm exaggerating. In fact, it can be anything and no one knows how. Perhaps it makes sense to clarify the situation. Talk to him about what this special attention to you is. And how does he generally imagine the development of the relationship (if the proposal follows at all). Although it makes sense to do nothing at all, because there are no hints, no proposals either. In general, the situation is ambiguous, it seems to me that your intuition will tell you how to act.
Thank you very much for your answer! I think it’s worth leaving this job... He hinted to me with body language, gestures, hints were about sympathy. At first it’s more open, but when I behave as usual and don’t pay attention, he stops, but his eyes won’t lie. He never ceases to amaze me and act like a man. He gets nervous when I’m around and seems to be sad inside, wanting to please me. I don't know, maybe I came up with it myself. A man acts if he wants, but he has 4 children and he is a caring Father and earns money for them. I’m already in a whirlpool, I’m already in pain, so I don’t see the point in continuing to deceive myself. He had to buy me a ticket on his own for a business trip when his brother found out about it (he told me, he knows him too well, etc., that he wouldn’t do it just like that). He himself simply treats me in a special way and is also married. But I don’t see anything wrong with this to buy a ticket, what’s wrong with that? It’s just that men are polygamous and that doesn’t make it any easier for me. Nothing is sacred. I don't want to be deceived. Do you think it's better to leave?
I cannot recommend to you what exactly to do in this situation; this decision must be made by you. But I can imagine that the situation may repeat itself at another job. It seems that you are a very charming girl and somehow charm men with ease, without even meaning to (especially men with good baggage). Look how they hover around you, his brother is also in the know. I would recommend working with a psychologist in your city, firstly, remove the burden of overwhelming emotions, and secondly, try to change the style of communication with such men and direct your charm to a free partner.
My situation is complicated. He has been married for 3 years and has a two-year-old child. We have known him for 7 years. We were together for 4 years, I found out about his marriage when his wife was 6 months pregnant and broke off relations with him. After a while we started talking again. I see his gaze, I feel his embrace. He gave me the keys to his apartment. I don’t know what it is on his part, care, love, affection?
Tanya, hello! And it is truly a difficult situation. You asked a question about his feelings, but it begs a completely different question. Did I understand correctly that when you were dating, he was simultaneously dating someone else and a year later he married her, and not you?
There is a person whom I now think I’ve started to like! But the problem is that he is married! First of all! Secondly, he is my colleague! And thirdly - he is a rare bastard! I always couldn’t stand him, he’s very self-confident and arrogant! Although, as an employee, he’s nothing special yet! I can't stand people like that. But just recently, my team and I went on vacation, including him. And all this time (almost a week), he showed signs of attention to me in every possible way, even very intrusively for some time, I constantly made it clear to him to leave me alone, but he still did not let up. Then he really calmed down, on the way back home. I came home, and now I can’t get it out of my head! What to do??
Hello Maria! Perhaps the traits of a man that you don’t like so much still awaken not only negative emotions, but also attract you. Have you noticed that you tend to sympathize with men of this type?
Good night, Elena! He was with her for several months, yes, in parallel with me. He got married because she got pregnant. I just want to understand, by keeping in touch with me, by giving me the keys to his apartment (not for sex), what does he have for me, what does he want from me?
It is not always possible to understand the real reasons for your partner’s actions. Tatyana, it seems to me that it makes sense to talk to him about this and clarify what is happening between you now.
Yes, I really did notice. And more than once. This happens quite often, I would even say systematically. I don’t know why they are so attracted to me, perhaps because I never hide my attitude towards a person and can immediately say to their face everything that I think about him. But nevertheless, many are not particularly put off by this, I would say even the opposite. In this case, the more I annoyed him, the more he would not leave me alone.
A simple mechanism works here: when you express your dislike openly, the man unconsciously tries to please you. I described this mechanism in the article “How to stop thinking about guys who are not interested in you,” in the “Women” section. But I asked you something a little different - have you noticed that most often you feel attracted to men of this type?
Hello! I'm married. I returned from maternity leave and a new employee was hired at the department. They were closely connected at work. He was not yet married. Half a year later he got married (he lived in a civil marriage and the wedding was planned). On his honeymoon, while celebrating his status as a married man, we broke down and cheated on our spouses. I was just lost in this man. Afterwards everything became complicated, we argued, didn’t communicate, but still made up, but without sex. They didn't allow this. Then he quit, at that time we were in a quarrel. I kept thinking, we won’t see each other again. But he appeared in my life again. He came to my work and asked permission to call me. I agreed. The situation has been going on for 4.5 years. He comes, calls, corresponds, but only during working hours. On weekends and after work, no...no! Sometimes with his friend or mutual acquaintances we go somewhere to a club, karaoke, or outdoors. Fortunately, my husband lets me go. And always after passionate kisses, but no more! Then we went home and it was as if nothing had happened. Friends talking again. How can we understand his attitude? I sleep and see us together. I don’t understand what’s wrong with him. Communication on all topics, but as for his feelings for me or his wife, this is taboo. Although we are talking about children. He often asks how my son is, and I how his daughter is, and we share.
Hello, Elena! It looks like he enjoys spending time with you. But given the duration and lack of dynamics, one gets the feeling that it won’t be any different. Perhaps he is compensating for the lack of romance in his family and does not need more.
Yes, there is certainly an attraction... All the men I have ever liked always cause me hostility or even slight disgust at the beginning of communication and acquaintance. But then somehow they naturally become my favorites. I can’t even pinpoint the moment when exactly I start to like them, and sometimes even madly. Something just suddenly clicks, and that’s it, I start to experience completely different feelings...
You and I have discovered a pattern and the fact that a man is a bastard should no longer bother you, this is the usual development of relationships. Now, it seems to me, the main question remains about his marital status. After all, this is what makes you worry the most?
Without a doubt. This is my first time in such a situation. Now that I'm on vacation, it all seems to have calmed down. But when I get out, it’s unknown how events will develop.
I need to somehow get rid of this feeling, I don’t want anything with a person (at least it seems so to me at the moment) who has a family. Although they have been married for only 2 years and have no children, nevertheless, this is already a FAMILY!
Actually, you have decided on this issue. All that remains is to avoid situations where he or you might give in.
Hello, I decided to tell you my story. I have been married to my husband for 10 years, and I still do. Then a month ago this started, his friend confessed his love to me that he saw how I was suffering with my husband. He asks me to give birth to him and marry him. He treats me very well; it’s clear that when we meet, he blushes and is nervous, there was no intimacy; we met with him like schoolchildren. I don’t know how to take him seriously or if this is just some kind of temporary phenomenon for him. He is not officially married, but lives with a woman who is 8 years older than him. Please advise whether it is worth developing the relationship.
Hello! Tell us what kind of relationship you have with your husband and why you started considering another man?
Good evening. My story is straight out of a pulp book. Last year, I met a man at a casual job. He communicated very well with my friend who worked there. She said that he is married and has a daughter (1 year old). He drove me home from my part-time job a couple of times, since public transport was no longer available. In the car we talked about a little bit of everything, mainly about work issues, since I was going to take on another part-time job if possible. A couple of days later, he invited my friend to go to the cinema, she took me for company. We had a very positive time, mostly they talked, I watched a movie. That same evening he asked for my phone number and that’s how we started communicating. Periodically he picked me up and took me home, and invited me for coffee a couple of times after working part-time. Then he began to give flowers and constantly looked for a reason to meet. At first, I simply responded with gratitude. Then, getting to know him more and more, I began to note to myself that I liked him and that I was attracted to him. A month later we started dating, romance. I set myself up for fun, for light flirting, just to give in to passion, until I realized that I had fallen in love with him. And around the same period he confesses his love to me. Then a month later he suggested moving in together. I put this question off because I needed to resolve the housing issue with the landlady I was renting from. And then a month later I found out that I was pregnant from him. Everything was positive, they discussed that there was no abortion, that I was giving birth. And then he gradually began to move away. Meetings are becoming less frequent, correspondence and calls are becoming less frequent. Then my wife found out about me and who I was. He resolved the conflict with her because she stopped writing to me, calling me and looking for a meeting with me. I’m about to give birth, and I’m at a crossroads, because he periodically appears and declares that he is the father of the child, and asks how we are, how our health is, what else will need to be purchased (although the whole world helped me with baby paraphernalia and nothing special I I didn’t buy it). But at the last meeting, when I said that I was tired of waiting for unknown things: are we together or not? He just said I don’t know and so far he has no opportunity to meet again. And sorting things out by correspondence is like kindergarten. And I love him, and at the same time I am already losing hope and faith in our future with him.
Hello Ekaterina! Indeed, a story for a book. It seems to me that you yourself understood from the very beginning that the chances of a future together were doubtful, this can be seen from the way you set yourself up at the beginning of the relationship. Now, in new circumstances, you feel a strong need for a complete family and this is a completely natural desire of a pregnant woman. It's great that the future father periodically provides assistance and is interested in both of you. It seems to me that you should concentrate on motherhood; at first you won’t have time for yourself, much less relationships. Let the situation develop on its own, don’t try to push yourself further and urgently solve something. Try to enjoy your new state and role, but watch the relationship develop.
Thank you, Elena. The mind and heart are already in constant resistance to each other. It is better to combine them and focus on the child. And I liked about watching the relationship develop. This is something that you don’t need to dwell on right now. Thank you again. Have pleasant experiences in your life.
Best wishes! Write how events will develop.
Hello, Elena! I also can't figure out my situation. Married for 13 years, two children. Family life proceeds like all families: work, home, children. There are no feelings of passion for my husband, we sleep in different rooms. Literally 2 months ago, a man I knew on the Internet found me 22 years ago, during my student years. Our acquaintance lasted literally 3 days. I had long forgotten about this man, but he says that he remembered me all these years. We are far from each other. We have been actively corresponding on the Internet for 2 months. He wants to meet, every day he writes kind words and words that he loves me all these years that he has been looking for me. Makes financial gifts. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have the right to accept gifts of this kind from him. After all, I didn’t do anything for him. We just communicate virtually. But he believes that we will have a future. What is this? Thanks for the help!
Hello Fotinha! Without a doubt, it’s nice to receive signs of attention from a man, especially when you haven’t received this from your husband for a long time. But in your story I didn’t see how you feel about your new boyfriend and what feelings you experience. Personally, I am alarmed by his ardor and zeal, given that the meeting was fleeting many years ago.
Hello, Elena! What feelings can you have for a new boyfriend? I can't understand myself yet. I don’t know him at all, neither by character nor by behavior. I don't know his thoughts. I only saw him through online conversations. I only have interest in him, but what will happen next? It happens that I miss it when it doesn’t go on air for a long time. Because of this communication, I almost separated from my husband; I was attacked by some kind of obsession. I just don’t know how to understand this person and what to do next? Break off communication, but I don't want to? And I don’t want to change anything in my life either!
It’s great that you don’t rush headlong into the pool and pay attention to the right details. This man, in my opinion, made the problems in my relationship with my husband clearer. You yourself noticed that you cannot understand yourself, so concentrate on this understanding, do not try to solve several problems at once. What is happening in your relationship with your husband now, what impact did the threat of a breakup have? Have you tried to talk about problems with your husband?
Hello, Elena! I met a man. When I came to him, he had a girl at work and he spoke to her affectionately. He saw how upset I was! What do i do?
Hello, Elena! The situation can indeed be assessed in different ways. Did you discuss what happened with him, what did he say about it? And what exactly do you want to achieve in this case, I didn’t understand a little?
Good afternoon Elena! I want to tell my story. I met a 36-year-old man, I was 30 years old two years ago. A friend gave me his phone number, said that he was looking for a wife, and said that she also left him my number. But for some reason I never received a call or a message. Then I decided to write to him myself. That's how we met. We immediately agreed that we needed a serious relationship. At the beginning everything was fine, even like in a fairy tale; to be honest, he made it so that my rose-colored glasses did not come off for a long time. But then I began to notice that he turned off the phone when he stayed overnight, he knew my number by heart and therefore it was not necessary to write it down as he said. We didn’t celebrate the holidays because he worked part-time as a taxi driver. That is, there were always excuses. This summer we even lived together for 2 months, but the relationship began to deteriorate, I began to demand more, and he got angry, and claims appeared that were not justified. But with all this, he assured that he loved me and I was the only one with him. And recently I found out that it turns out that he has been living with a woman 10 years older than himself, for 8 years, while he has been in a relationship with me for two years. Naturally, I didn’t know about this and was shocked, we were making plans for the future, we wanted to take out a mortgage, we went to look at apartments, we were planning a child. I wrote to this woman on VKontakte myself and found her. I don't know if I did the right thing. On the one hand, I revealed the truth for myself and I felt better after several months of tears and resentment, but on the other hand, I hurt this woman and constantly think about it. After I wrote to this woman, he does not talk to me, he did not even apologize for his action. Do you think he deceived me because he understood that he had no future with this woman (she will not bear him children, and he really wants a child) and therefore protected me from the fact that I could find out the truth or he was deliberately taking advantage of me.
Hello Tatiana! The man acted meanly both with you and with the other woman, and began to build relationships while already in them. What motives motivated him can only be guessed at; it’s impossible to determine for sure. The fact that you hurt the feelings of that woman no doubt haunts you, but at that moment you did what you thought was right, now you just have to accept what you did. Don't despair, you will definitely meet your person.
Why are married people so attractive to us?
“There are so many single guys, but I love a married man...” is sung in a famous song. Why is this happening? Why are girls so attracted to unfree men? Why are they so attractive? Let's figure it out.
- A single girl chooses a married man.
This often happens unconsciously; a family man looks more reliable and predictable. He is well-groomed, well dressed, there is no hungry gleam in his eyes, because the woman is next to him every day. Such a man is a desirable object for many girls. In addition, he is often more impressive and personable than single guys. He behaves calmly and confidently.
There is no need to discard the point that very often a married person is not a snotty young man, he is accomplished and wealthy, and has achieved a lot.
Of course, he is a tasty morsel; young ladies are sure that all they have to do is use their charms, and the unfree male representative will immediately be charmed.
- Another option is that a married woman chooses a married man.
What is behind this? Firstly, such a lover is constancy, he is predictable and reliable. He has no need to ruin his relationship with his wife, he is not in search. If we take the aspect of health, then a married man is preferable in this case as well. Secondly, such a lover will not blab to everyone about this relationship, he has something to lose, he is more careful. A woman can be sure that their relationship will not be discovered. Meanwhile, a single man may want to get married and confess everything to his husband. Of course, this is the downfall of everything if the girl did not plan to get a divorce in the end.
Relationship with an unfree man. What are the pros and cons!
Pros:
- You are young, pretty and completely poor, and the married man is wealthy and ready to spend money on you. Of course, it would be nice to improve your financial situation at his expense. The main thing is not to settle for small things, only expensive gifts or real help.
- You are against official marriage, you want freedom, you crave new sensations. A married man usually intends to fulfill all his fantasies with his mistress.
- You can simultaneously look for a available man for marriage. At the same time, you are satisfied and will not rush to the first relatively handsome man.
- If you are married, then such a connection will add thrill and spice to the relationship. The fear of being caught intensifies the desire.
Cons:
- If you are a possessive woman, then it will be difficult for you to constantly imagine your lover in the arms of your wife. This way you can completely wear yourself out and have a nervous breakdown.
- If a man is greedy and does not give anything significant, then there is little point in such a relationship. Another option is that you are completely hungry for affection, and the married man is very attractive to you.
- Your wife may be informed about your affair, and then things will be bad for you. The matter could end very badly.
- You long for your family, husband, children. Then you definitely shouldn’t waste time with a married man, it’s better to start building your family.
Is it permissible to communicate with someone who is not free?
If you feel ready for such a relationship, then you can decide on it. The main thing is to take into account all the pros and cons given above. Be clear about why you need such a relationship, so as not to be disappointed later.
If you are determined to improve your financial situation, then choose a wealthy person and make sure that your plans are fulfilled.
You shouldn't get stuck in a relationship if it doesn't bring anything good. If your goal is to have fun while you are busy with your career and not focused on your family, then have a blast. Relationships with a married man, if you are married yourself, are ambiguous and are not suitable for everyone, only for women with a certain type of character.
Relationship between a married woman and a married man
Now betrayal no longer surprises or shocks anyone. Many couples even choose a similar format of relationship for themselves - free, when both periodically start affairs on the side, then share their impressions. However, in general, such a lifestyle is not encouraged in society, which does not prevent some people from walking to the left. What pushes you to cheat? And why do people who cheat often choose unfree people as their lovers?
If we talk about men, then everything is more or less clear - here is the notorious instinct that encourages you to chase after a new girl, the desire for novelty, and maybe love. In the case of women, things are a little different. Girls are not inclined to faint at the sight of a handsome macho man or lose their heads at the firm butt of a stranger; they won’t be able to boast about their victories either - such a woman will be more likely to be judged than admired.
However, often married people still decide to cheat, this happens for the following reasons:
- The husband is not affectionate and attentive enough. The wife feels uncomfortable, craves tenderness and warmth, and it all ends with her diving into the arms of a caring lover, receiving what she needs in abundance.
- Sexual dissatisfaction. If the husband does not understand that his wife is a passionate and hot woman who wants sex often and a lot, then of course there is a risk that the married woman will have to get what she needs on the side. It happens that intimate relationships do not suit the wife because of insipidity and monotony.
- Thirst for spice. Cheating tickles the nerves, adds adrenaline, of course, sometimes wives want a surge of emotions, new feelings, the most risky ones decide to cheat.
- Revenge on my husband. If your husband has cheated or seriously offended you, it seems that the only way out is to cheat in return, thus annoying the offender. Although sometimes it turns out that I have annoyed myself, since in the end there is neither satisfaction nor a feeling of joy from what happened.
- For girls who are too amorous, after 10 years of marriage, it seems that love is gone, it’s all over. A new object of love is found, the girl is immersed in new feelings and is ready to run for her beloved anywhere.
- Active harassment of men, often married men. Often a pretty, sexy girl is directly attacked by guys. And if the stranger does not back down, he is handsome and hot, the girl herself is a passionate person, and her husband is a mattress and a bore, then adultery is quite possible.
Why do unfree men so strongly desire relationships with married women?
- The opportunity to plunge into passion with the girl you like, with virtually no risk. This free girl can lose her head, start calling home or bombarding her with letters and SMS, and even demand a divorce. For a married woman, such a connection is simply bright emotions, a desire for pepper, a break from her annoying husband. A married woman will not bother you, annoy you or generally ruin everything.
- All problems that arise are usually solved by the mistress’s husband or she herself. For example, a lady becomes pregnant, which means she will sort everything out herself or begin to raise a child with her legal husband.
- There is no need to call a married woman often, and on the contrary, calls are not welcome, you never know, you might run into your husband again. You don’t need a lot of gifts, otherwise how can you explain their presence to your legal spouse?
- There is no chance of catching a bad disease. A married lady does not sleep with anyone, does not change partners like gloves. There is no risk of infection.
- There is no need to run to your married woman at the slightest call, no matter if her car has broken down or she wants to go shopping. There is a husband for all this.
- It is also not necessary to spend a lot on a married woman. You can always remind about your husband, so let him buy a new fur coat or pay for a visit to the spa.
Many girls, if they decide to cheat, then also do it with a married man, for various reasons:
- A single guy may want to possess the girl alone, open up to her husband and try to take her away from the family. A married man will weigh everything many times before he decides to do this, because then he will have to destroy his family too.
- A single man can meet you near work with flowers and talk about what a chic young lady he has a close relationship with. A married man would never do this; he would not expose himself to harm.
- If you can meet a married man sometimes, then a single man may need more attention, love and affection. If he doesn’t get enough sex, he can go get it from random partners. How to avoid getting infected from it later.
- It is much easier to end a relationship with a married man; most likely there will be no hysterics, scandals or showdowns.
It turns out that such a connection is convenient for both. Yes, of course, anything can happen, and it happens that an affair develops into love, people leave their other halves and join each other in a happy marriage. However, more often than not, this scenario is not even expected.
What kind of relationship is it with a married man?
Let's consider what situations exist.
- Love for a married man has clouded her mind, and now the girl is making every effort to try to take the man away from the family. Even if he succeeds, how to resolve the issue with his children, what surprises can he expect from his abandoned wife? You should think about this in advance.
- It happens that the age is approaching 30, but there is still no family. Of particular attractiveness, however, too. Here the girl decides to go for broke and seduce the married man she likes, maybe it will work out. Usually things end in tears.
- Sometimes a woman enters into a relationship with an unfree man in the hope of advancing her career. Although, often, there is no promotion, but the reputation is damaged, and it is problematic to correct it.
- Female hunters are sure that not a single worthy specimen will pass by her, so they also encroach on married people. The ending of the affair really leaves sadness in the soul and that’s all.
What should I do, I lost my head from an unfree man?
First, you need to realize whether this is love. Maybe it’s just a desire to grab a worthy male or dissatisfaction with your husband, maybe you’ve become fed up with everyday life and want the intensity of emotions?
If you feel nothing but passion, then know that it will soon end, but a residue will remain, can you direct your feelings to your husband, and if there is no one, find a free man?
If you still don’t have the strength to end the relationship, then you need to be prepared for difficulties. A married man will not be completely yours; he will be able to devote only a fraction of his time to you, rushing to his wife at the most pleasant moment when she calls. Loneliness on holidays, the inability to go out with a man, lack of care and help - all this cannot be avoided. Maybe you will get some crumbs from his money and time, but the main part of all the good things will go to the legal spouse. And yes, men leave for their mistresses extremely rarely.
How should you behave?
Don’t immerse yourself completely in the relationship, try to maintain a sober mind. Seriously think about what the future holds for you. It is unlikely that a man will leave for you. How does his wife feel? If you were in her place, would you like such a marriage? You can focus on the man’s shortcomings, he’s not ideal, like all people. Live your interests, meet others. Don’t call or lie in wait for a married man near his house. It's better to try to distance yourself from him, time will pass and you will probably regret this relationship, so it's better to end it early.
How to break off a relationship with a married man forever?
If you want to end your relationship with a married man, it is better to do it in one fell swoop, honestly admitting that you want to leave. It is much worse for everyone to pull and chop piece by piece, meeting less and less often. After your confession, do not intrude, do not call, do not try to return everything. There is no need to review joint photos, listen to both of your favorite music, or remember the past. It’s better to find something exciting to do, move away from the city, or change jobs. Try to flirt more with others, live life to the fullest, forget about the past, don’t bring it up.
A new acquaintance will bring you back to life, only now it’s better to choose a free guy.
Sometimes girls see that a man is married and, despite this, are not averse to starting a relationship. A man can speak directly or simply hint. If you are against this format of relationship, you should not give even a ghostly hope. If you somehow show that you agree to go to a cafe or talk in the park, then a man may get the impression that you are ready for more.
Don’t act cheeky with married men: flirting, smiling, making requests can make a man decide that you wouldn’t mind having an affair.
It would also be a mistake to open up too much to a married man, to tell a lot about your life, to complain about your spouse; the man may want to console you.
Anything can happen in life, and adultery is often not uncommon. Married men decide to cheat when they lack sex, their spouse no longer worries them as before, or they simply want a new woman. The psychology of relationships for girls who decide to cheat is also varied, but more often women do this in search of tenderness, care, warmth and affection. However, it is worth realizing that this is not an option. Peace in the family cannot be restored if you constantly seek peace and tranquility in the arms of others. Rather, in this way one can achieve not harmony, but an illusory semblance of happiness, short-term and short-lived. Passions will subside, lovers will be satisfied with each other, and then what? No random man will invest in a relationship as much as a beloved husband, a real soul mate.
It’s better to try to restore the relationship with your spouse without resorting to infidelity, and if you can’t, then get a divorce and get acquainted and build relationships with free men.
Answers to other questions
What to do: a married man is hitting on me?
Be cold, make it clear that he has nothing to count on here. Say that you are fundamentally against relationships with married men. Invite him to get a divorce first, and then get acquainted and expect affection from other girls.
What to do: a married man gave me a gift?
Gifts are hints and testing the waters as to whether something shines here for a man or not. It’s up to you to accept his gifts or not, but know that by not refusing the gift, you will make it clear that something more is possible. Seriously think about whether you need this. And if it comes to your wife, won’t you regret that you got involved with someone who is not free?
How can you woo a married man?
Of course, you can use all your charms, entangle a man with love, affection, surround him with care, but remember, a married man has a lot in common with his wife, many years of marriage, children, and often grandchildren, as well as common property, and maybe a business . No man will just give it all up and leave. Only a few individuals leave their wives and go to their mistresses; this happens so rarely that you can’t even hope.
Married men are so attractive, they are gallant and attentive, they lavish compliments and look with adoration.
In fact, they are well aware of what they want to achieve. They already have a family, but they lack new impressions.
Everything is used: flattery, gifts, languid glances, help with your career. It’s up to you to decide on such a connection or not.
However, do not forget about some rules in relations with a married man:
- Do not fall in love! This is important, remember that the man most likely does not plan to leave his wife.
- Meet others. Live your own interests, your own life, don’t get hung up on a married man.
- Don’t whine that you’re lonely on holidays or at night, you knew what you were getting into.
- Don’t call his wife, the man will quickly leave such a brawler.
- Don't tell everyone about you. If it gets to his wife, you won't be happy.
Whether it’s worth getting involved with a married man is up to you, however, remember all the disadvantages of such a relationship, think, maybe you deserve more?
How long can such a relationship last?
Let's face it, until a man gets bored and gets a new enchantress. They usually do not stand on ceremony with mistresses; having had enough of one, the man sings the praises of the new one. Yes, it happens that relationships last for years, but this is still rare, most often the affair does not last long and everything ends quickly. Treat it as a learning experience, get the best out of this relationship and move forward without looking back.
Relationships with a married man. Are they necessary? I fell in love with him, but I don’t want to break up my family. What should I do?
It's good if you realize that breaking a family is terrible. Yes, often a married man seems ideal, perfect, and you really want to get him. Remember, this is an illusion, everyone has flaws, focus on them.
Think about what you are missing at this stage of life: new sensations, sex, drive or something else. It’s not a fact that the married man you like will give it all. Maybe you can find what you want somewhere else? By destroying your family, you will do bad things to many people, and someday you will have to answer for it. Take care of yourself, find interesting activities, switch to something, it’s best to meet someone else.
