How to create a strong and happy family? Tips on how to create a strong family: a good, friendly, ideal atmosphere.

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Building a family is a labor-intensive process in which all participants are involved. The slightest mistake, on the one hand, can become the source of the collapse of family relationships. This raises the question: “Are husband, wife and children always a family?” Perhaps these are cohabitants who live together only because of current circumstances. They come after work, have a quick dinner and go to their own bedrooms. So how to create a happy family where there is respect, trust and love.

Five rules for a successful existence

There are 5 rules that will serve as a guide for you to create fruitful cooperation. These rules were invented and thought out to develop mutual respect and love. After all, without these foundations it is impossible to create a happy family.

Comparing yourself with your partner is unacceptable. Comparison gives each person objective moments of knowledge. But when starting to compare, it is important not to “pull the blanket” over yourself.

If you notice that you are starting to compare yourself with your significant other, run away from it.

You are different - learn to admire it! The character traits and actions of a loved one do not always correspond to our ideals. Learn to admire it. Think how good it is that you are slow, and your partner reacts quickly to situations.

You learn opposing qualities from each other, enhancing your own. You learn to be more active in life, and your significant other learns to take a break. Admiring our partner, we enrich our inner world.

Help move forward. There is often a lack of mutual support in relationships. If you don't know how to create a happy family, learn to support your own spouse. Listen, give advice, look for new ideas yourself and give tips.

Highlight your partner's strengths and extol them. In family relationships, it is important to feel a person, and for this you need to know how he lives, what worries him.

Learn to agree. Let your consent be sincere. To or 1-2 days of grievances in married life, one half may agree. But at the same time, the intonation of the phrase is such that everyone understands that you think differently.

In general, the ability to agree with the opinion of the other half is already half the percent of a sincere relationship. After all, everyone wants to hear an affirmative answer in response to a statement. Thanks to this, a feeling of satisfaction and security arises in the soul.

If a family often argues to find out who is right, the members also face danger. A person lives in a feeling of a catch. Learn to say “Yes” and you will see how your other half becomes softer. Please note that it is not the scale that is important, but agreement with at least part of what is proposed.

Sometimes being right is more important than intimacy in a relationship. People tend to prove their own rightness. But at the same time, the feeling of unity and closeness is lost. What is important to you about this evidence? Feel the power and self-worth? Then do you need to be together? Spouses should look for what makes them similar.

Before you stand up for what’s right, think about what you get out of it? Do you want to stay together and build a strong relationship or prove the weight of your own voice? Being in a relationship is not a sacrifice of your own ideals and interests. This is a search for a position where both feel good.

Try less to tell others what to do. After all, at this moment you yourself are faced with a choice. Shift your emphasis in your own direction and think about which direction to move. In family life there are no right and wrong. The truth is always in the middle.

How to build a happy marriage?

Some spouses enjoy life together, while the other half of couples prefer to spend time teaching their children and grandchildren. Some people enjoy an active life full of drive, while others get adrenaline from watching their favorite TV series on a quiet evening. Happiness is different, just like families are different.

Family happiness lies in children

The main factor in both the desire and fear of starting a family is the birth of children. The birth of new members of society should not happen by chance. Family relationships are excellent if parents understand their own responsibility.

It is necessary to understand what problems will arise and what financial investments will be required. Plan for children, taking into account their financial and moral situation. Seek help from couples who already have children and know how to create a happy family. Don’t delay childbearing and give yourself the joy of being parents.

If you think that having a baby will be an obstacle to your education or career advancement, take a look around. Hundreds of thousands of families combine study, work and...

Starting a family - finding compromises

There is a lot of work in family relationships and the main task is to find a solution that suits both. Consider the interests of your husband or wife. Does he want you to wear a less provocative outfit? Add elegance to your everyday wardrobe. Are there socks or candy wrappers scattered throughout the house? Get used to order.

Parents and friends will not help you find a compromise. Your family is a personal matter and you must create peace and comfort yourself. The more you two communicate, the faster you will find a way out of the situation. You will decide how to behave, establish personal space and get to know each other better.

It’s hard at first, but who said it’s an easy process? Be positive about it. The more you are together, the faster you learn the advantages and disadvantages. After living in your parents' home, it is difficult to accept responsibility and follow new routines.

Learn to bypass minor conflicts and forget grievances. Solve problems in a quiet, trusting environment so that respect for each other remains throughout your life.

Understanding and forgiveness are the foundation

The ability to listen and accept the position of your other half is an important task, by solving which you will create a happy unit of society. Learn to forgive and not remember grievances so that they do not become a heavy burden. Trust and respect will help you interact and get out of the most conflict situations.

Understand what is more important: understanding or constant nagging and living in reproaches? After all, after a long period of negativity, a time of disgust may come, when each of the spouses, as if under a microscope, examines the shortcomings and criticizes. In the first years of life, spouses are just getting to know each other and it is important to be patient during this time.

Do not offend your loved one with ultimatums or threats of separation. Learn to restrain harsh words and think constructively. This will give weight to the words and create an atmosphere of respect. After all, everyone has shortcomings and some of them can be accepted. Think about why you chose your soulmate and evaluate their merits.

Give smiles and praise and you will receive the same in return. Everyone is pleased to see a person happy with life, and not a sad person. By expressing positivity, you energize those around you, creating a happy atmosphere for family life.

What is a happy family based on?

Romantics are pleased to know that the family is an exalted society where everyone praises and adores their other half. And it’s a shame to hear that starting a family is work.

Family life can be taken as a science. To create and maintain a happy family, it is necessary to use methods of addition and subtraction. Add passion and jealousy to everyday relationships. Take away hope and give it again. Learn to negotiate so that there is equality and balance in everything. Who performs what duties, who is the first to reconcile, who gives in more often and who goes out with friends less often.

If you really want to know how to create a happy family, remember that this is not always the case. What will replace it? It's up to you to decide. Will you build trusting relationships, learn to forgive insults, and support your partner? It's not about pompous phrases, but about the path that each family chooses.

March 15, 2014

The family is the basis and, at the same time, the main problem of modern society. It's no secret that up to 80% of marriages soon break up. The statistics are extremely unpleasant, but quite real. Read and watch videos about how to create and maintain a good, happy family.

It is unlikely that passion can be the key to a strong, stable family. The very definition of passion suggests that it is not normal. Its property is to pass quickly. It rises quickly in such large waves, splashes, and it passes just as quickly.
Passion is a disease, so it cannot be beneficial. Think about it - “mad love”. That is, love is crazy. We don't use our reason. And marriage, paradoxically, is something of convenience.

In family psychology there is such a thing as readiness for marriage. This is a whole complex of components and criteria that leads a person to the point that he can start a family with this person. People are sometimes afraid that being ready for marriage is too difficult. But in reality there should be a standard.

There is no need to be scared here. We just have to know what to strive for. This is just one of the series of conscious approaches to marriage. If this is not the case, a person begins to move by touch, stumbles, and makes many mistakes.
What are these components?

How to create a happy family

How to create a happy family

This is sympathy when you say “I like him (she).” Secondly, this is a commonality of interests when we understand that we love the same music, like watching the same programs, reading the same literature, going out into nature, kayaking. And the more of these components on the scale, the more attractive a person is to us.

Then there are deeper things that also need to be taken into account. It is necessary to look at the family, who the person’s parents are. Most often, people project the parental script into the family. This is not to say that this is a 100% reproduction, but it is a template that many people follow.

In addition, you need to take a closer look at family relationships, whether the family is complete, how a man communicates with his mother and father. If something doesn’t work out for him in the relationship, see how he reacts to your comments, whether he can be flexible and listen to your opinion.

You can also see whether a person has many or few friends, find out whether he thinks that we are self-sufficient and we feel good just the two of us. You can't concentrate on each other for long. It happens that he is jealous of his girlfriend’s friends and tries to scare everyone away. Maybe he has communication problems. Then this is a serious reason to think about it. See if he is trying to isolate you, if he is jealous of his friends.

During communication, watch him and yourself. How you behave when you are together, how quickly you are able to reconcile. This is a big rehearsal for your future serious relationship.

We also need to pay attention to the state of health. A woman came to me, who was already about 28-29 years old. For her
It was the discovery after a year of marriage that her husband was unwell. Time passed and she learned about his mental deviation. He says: “He was soft and compliant.” I asked her to name the character traits that a man should have, she listed them in this order: he should be soft, kind, compliant.

Why do people start a family?

Why do people start a family?

Can a woman feel protected when getting married, knowingly incorrectly ranking a number of the main qualities of her chosen one? Unlikely. Women who prioritize such important qualities as: responsibility, masculinity, hard work, etc. are more likely to find themselves next to the owner of such characteristics.

This means that the choice of a spouse was not conscious and did not have a serious approach, because due attention was not paid to such serious factors as: the presence of good health and significant human qualities.
It is good to maintain friendly relations for at least a period of one year. This will be a change of events, seasons (autumn and spring are the most acute periods for the nervous system).

During this time, all character traits may appear or worsen and mental disorders may become apparent. A year is a defining period. During this period, you can collect information about each other. Find out whether he wants children, how many he wants, who will wash the floors or dishes...

We need to talk about everything! You always need to talk through problems. Questions need to be posed to yourself and to the person with whom you are in a relationship. We can say that this is the most important period in your relationship. Then only the consequences of your choice will appear. And this is where it is important not to misfire, not to make a mistake. It is necessary to assess the ability of both of you to perform all the functions of husband and wife in the family.

I want to create a friendly family

I want to create a friendly family

The family has several functions: reproductive (reproduction of children), economic (budget distribution), household (everyone performs a functional responsibility: someone pays money for the apartment, someone vacuums).

That is, who takes what share in building a family. Construction involves seemingly small aspects of family life. In addition, there is a psychological function: they take care of each other, give warmth, understanding.
Another function is educational.

As a rule, men believe that this is the wife’s lot, her front line of work. But the participation of the father is also necessary. Mom sometimes gets hot-tempered when doing the same homework. Father's participation is missing...
Creative function.

At the beginning of a relationship, before the romanticism cools down, they go to the cinema and come up with activities. Then all this stops and is confined to work and home. Everything is boring, bland, monotonous. Leisure is also very important, being able to spend time together. By the way, at the premarital stage of a relationship, you need to watch the behavior of the young man: how he behaves, whether he willingly pays for you.

I heard a story from one girl that it was February, and a young man took her along the boulevard, back and forth. She hints at donuts, and he suggests they go home. You have to look closely at everything so that later it will be a surprise.

A woman functionally strives to ensure that everyone in the family has shoes and clothes. She will demand from the man - give him this, give him that. And if he fights, talks about female commercialism, if he is afraid of this, then you are not on the way.
Psychologist Irina Rakhimova

Many people dream of family happiness and strive to build a harmonious relationship with their loved one.

However, lovers often quarrel, and spouses get divorced even in the first year of marriage, because instead of happiness, relationships bring only disappointment to couples.

Adequate and reasonable individuals who once dreamed of love in relationships turn into terrible monsters, insulting and humiliating each other, making exorbitant demands on each other.

Why is this happening? Why do many people take a wrong turn on the way to the dream of family happiness? What should you do and what should you be like to create a truly happy family? How to build harmonious relationships? We will talk about this topic in this article.

Why don't relationships work out?

The main cause of discord between people in relationships is one extremely harmful belief: “Someone else should make me happy.” Unfortunately, most adult individuals in fact remain infantile children throughout their lives, and in the worst sense of the word.

Such people lose their best childhood traits. They no longer know how to sincerely laugh and enjoy life, enjoy simple things and actions, be spontaneous and open, greedy for new knowledge and skills.

Instead, the belief that someone must make me happy stays with them throughout their lives. That's why their relationship doesn't work out.

What is growing up?

Each child, as they grow older, should gradually acquire a sense of responsibility for their life and actions. First, the baby learns to control his natural urges so as not to wet his diapers anymore, then to move independently, then to express his emotions in words, to understand where he can climb without consequences, and where he should not climb.

Over time, this helps to realize that not all of his “wants” must be immediately satisfied, including the dream of family happiness. Many of our contemporaries are stuck at that stage of development when their every desire must be immediately fulfilled by someone or something from the outside.

And if it is not fulfilled, people get offended, scream, grumble and show their dissatisfaction in every possible way. Such people, by definition, cannot create a happy family, and then we will look in detail at why relationships do not work out.

Infantile people

The fact is that infantile individuals in fact do not want to be responsible for themselves and their lives. Moreover, they don't even want to admit that they have to do it. All their relationships with the outside world come down to the demand: “Give!” And if the world does not want to give a capricious child what he demands, the child pouts and begins to scold everything around him according to the principle: “Mom didn’t give me chocolate - bad mother!”

Such people are immediately visible: they often condemn the government, officials, friends, relatives, weather and the location of stars in the sky, blaming everyone for their endless misfortunes.

In all the people and even phenomena around them, infantile individuals see parents who, a priori, owe them everything that the child requires, of course, absolutely free and without any effort.

Tell me, can such people create a happy family? Imagine, two such capricious children meet who don’t know how to build a harmonious relationship and begin to beg from each other: “Give me!” Give! Give!".

Both demand, being sincerely convinced that they are “owed”, but no one wants to give anything. Absurd, right?

The secret to a happy relationship

To enter into a relationship and find family happiness, you must stop being an infantile person. And to do this, you need to understand that each of us, with age, must become “our own parent.”

After all, we all understand that in order to have something to eat, we need to earn money, buy food and cook food. We do not sit like chicks, with our mouths open, and do not wait for manna from heaven to fall on us from above. Before you receive something, you need to do something, give something, invest somehow.

And if everything is more or less clear to us with food, then why can’t we transfer this principle to other areas of our activity, including in resolving the issue of how to improve relationships?

However, most people cannot even arrange their own lives, satisfy at least their own needs, they live unhappily and for some reason believe that relationships and family life (read - another person, most likely just as infantile) will solve this problem.

"A man must, a woman must"

Many girls believe that their husbands should completely solve their financial problems, as well as provide them with gifts and entertainment. But men expect their wives to take care of the housework, cook food, wash and clean, and also admire their husbands and constantly praise them.

As a result, instead of mastering some profession and going to work in order to provide themselves with finances, as well as find hobbies and friends, girls throw all their energy into searching for a groom who should make them happy, preferably rich and successful.

And men, instead of learning how to effectively run a household on their own, as well as achieve success in career, sports and other activities in order to stabilize self-esteem, which would not need external feeding, see their dream of family happiness in women who are ready for all this give them “for free, because supposedly they have to.”

Codependent relationships, and what are their dangers?

The only way out that representatives of both sexes could find for themselves was “exchange”: the man earns and entertains, and the woman manages and admires. I am for you, and you are for me.

This is a codependent model of relationships, and it cannot bring family happiness. For some time, such a “scheme” will work in the family, but then “glitches” will invariably begin, which are most often expressed in disputes between spouses, whose contribution to the relationship is more important and valuable.

The husband will be sure that he bears the main burden of responsibility - material support and protection, and the wife gives him very little in return. She doesn’t clean perfectly, she doesn’t cook very well, and she looks worse, although she should always shine and shine for him. hence the dissatisfaction.

The wife will argue, shouting that she, working around the house and with the children, almost never rests, does not receive a salary for this, serves her husband, but he gives her little money, does not want to pay attention, and it is impossible to wait for help from him.

Everyone will strive to “sell more” their services: do less and demand more and more, until, ultimately, the spouses finally quarrel and divorce. Why? Because both are infantile individuals who believe that they should be made happy because they should, period.

How to create a happy family?

Only those people who can provide themselves with money, comfort, entertainment, and relaxation can create a happy family. Harmonious relationships are possible only between two initially happy ones and independent of external circumstances, from the “will of fate”, from other people.

Such individuals enter into relationships and family life only in order to be close to their loved one, and not in order to receive as much benefit from him as possible, because they provide themselves with everything they need.

Anyone who is not happy with himself will not be happy with another. Usually, independent, non-infantile people invest equally in family relationships: money, attention, housekeeping. In principle, they can divide their contributions according to the principle “the wife is responsible for the household, the husband is responsible for material support,” but this will look fundamentally different than in the family of infantile spouses.

After all, the wife will understand that making money is not an easy task, because she once earned her own living, and the husband will also realize that running a household is a lot of work, since he himself had to provide himself with comfort in everyday life. This is their secret.

Such people will respect each other's activities and contributions, and it will not occur to them to devalue the work of a loved one. How to build harmonious relationships? Just. Finally, emerge from the infantile age, take responsibility for your life, make yourself happy and provided with all the necessary benefits, and only then decide how to improve relationships and family happiness.

Then everything will definitely work out for you, and your reward will be a harmonious and happy family, which is what we wish for you!

In this article we will talk to you about 5 rules for successful cooperation that will allow you to be happy in your marriage and create a strong and happy family!

In relationships, it is important to know the axioms, rules, laws; they are not just invented, but serve as guidelines along which we can move. We say that there must be respect for both yourself and your partner - this is an axiom.

If there is no respect, it is useless to build any relationship. If I don’t respect my partner, this will permeate all my actions, all my words, and disrespect for my partner comes from disrespect for myself. By respecting ourselves, we see and appreciate what we love our partner for, this is the platform of our life.

5 golden rules of cooperation in couples!

Often in personal relationships we compete, compete, and decide all the time who is in charge. To prevent this from happening, it is important to follow several important rules of cooperation:

#1 – Never compare yourself to your partner!

On the one hand, comparison gives us objective moments of knowledge, but the “good-bad” scale very often subordinates everything to itself, then it is very difficult to break into productive relationships. If you notice that you are comparing yourself with your partner, move away from this comparison.

#2 - Admire the fact that you are so different!

It’s great, for example, that you are a very fast person, and your partner is very slow, you feel good together, because you learn to take a break, and your partner is charged with energy from you. Most often, we choose a partner for ourselves as compensation; we see something very valuable in him and learn from it.

If we admire what is different about our partner, we enrich ourselves all the time. Find qualities that you don't have, but that you really like. Those qualities that create the opportunity to be close to your partner are what you value him for.

#3 - Help your partner become successful.

Give it your best effort. Support everything your partner comes up with, suggest some ideas if he doesn’t mind, show his strengths, talk about them. It is very important to be interested in your partner’s work, everything that saturates his life, do it consciously and know that you are helping him become successful. Read more about how to save a relationship.

#4 – Recognize that sometimes it’s more important to you to be right than to be together and maintain intimacy in your relationship.

This is a deep phrase. Every time we fight to be right, we sacrifice the feeling and feeling that we are together. What do you emphasize when proving something? If you want to be together, you must always be in search of something that unites you!!

Ask yourself the question more often: “What am I doing now? Do I want to be right or do I want to be together?”

Being together does not mean sacrificing your priorities and interests, it is a search for a state when you will feel good together. Believe that it is important to be together, focus on it!

#5 – Practice telling your partner “you’re right” when you mean it.

You can say “you’re right, of course,” but with such an intonation, such a tone that no one will need your confession. The ability to agree is fifty percent of a good, sincere relationship, when you know how to say “yes” within yourself.

It all starts with the parents. If you and your parents can say: “Yes, Mommy, you’re right,” then you can easily agree in partnerships. Think about how easy it is for you to do this for parents and transfer that ease, if any, into your partnership.

It is extremely important for every person to hear this phrase: “You are right!”

This creates a feeling of comfort and security in a person. If they agree with us, we have a feeling of security inside us, if they argue with us all the time, if they contradict us all the time, they improve us all the time, our level of anxiety increases.

When you practice telling your partner “you're right”, “I agree”, he will easily relax. You can find different reasons for this; it is not the scale that is important, but the action itself, when we agree with at least something.

There is a wonderful phrase: “The less we know what we need to do, the more we know what others need to do.”

If you notice how often you tell others what to do, you will realize that it is at this moment that you yourself are at a loss, not knowing what you need to do. We need to shift the emphasis from telling others how to live to ourselves.

There are no situations when someone is right and someone is wrong; there is always an element of rightness in both. If we remember this, strive for this, respect and see this, then everything will be much easier.

Excerpt from the training “5 Golden Steps to Happy Relationships”

Family relations expert.

- Stage of patience. There are quarrels, but they are not of such a fatal nature. There is an understanding that the quarrel will end and the relationship will be restored. The thought runs through the couple: “This can be dealt with.” And here the law of conservation of energy comes into play: no energy disappears, it is transformed. The energy of patience is transformed into the energy of reason. And then we finally see our partner through the prism of reason, and not through our sensuality or selfishness.

— Stage of duty and respect. At this stage, an understanding comes that the partner is not obliged to do as I want. You begin to see your partner's strengths and your weaknesses. You begin to think not about what “my partner owes me,” but about what “I owe to my partner.” Focusing on your responsibilities is a powerful resource for developing relationships.

— Friendship stage. At this stage, common goals are formed based on common values.

— Stage of love.

Up to and including the fourth stage, we are focused on what is owed to us. In subsequent stages we focus on what we need to do.

When a woman gets married, she ends up in another family. We all know that sometimes relationships with mother-in-law are difficult? Without building a harmonious relationship with your husband's parents, you can hardly talk about a happy family.

Think about the word “married.” We are going for my husband. But the husband is a representative of his Clan. And in fact, we go under the protection of our husband’s Family. Hence the tradition of changing the surname. And we do this voluntarily.

If we realize this, then there will be no problem in the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship. If you volunteer you consciously enter into your husband’s clan, then how can you deny his representatives, in particular the mother-in-law?

And in life, we often demand from our spouse a kind of renunciation of their family. In principle, this is the same egoism. And if you have a natural relationship with your mother, natural intimacy, then with your mother-in-law you need to make an effort. The mother-in-law, like the father-in-law, needs to pay more attention, i.e. invest more energy into relationships than with your parents. The same is true for a spouse.

His attention, his energy belongs more to his wife’s parents than to his own. This formula gives excellent long-term results.

I can’t help but give an example from practice. A client made a request regarding a bad relationship with her mother-in-law. We have reached the stage of understanding that the mother-in-law should pay more attention and love. How? The client had the following insight: I know that she really wants to get a pedicure, but she has problem feet and it’s difficult for her to find a pedicure specialist. Probably the best gift or token of attention would be a pedicure done by me. The client is a manicurist and pedicurist. In this process, something important happened for both of them: bowing their heads in front of the older woman and at the same time demonstrating their qualifications, which caused return respect. Relations have improved.

Olga, I know that in your course “Men’s Success. Is “Woman’s Happiness” a theme of family selfishness? What it is?

The selfishness of the spouses grows in proportion to the time invested in the family. The more and longer people are together, the more rights they claim from their partner. This is family selfishness, which pushes the family towards collapse. The position “Why me? Why not you? - destroys relationships. Attitude “I’ll be happy to do something for you myself!” — maintains, develops and creates relationships. Conscious selflessness towards each other saves. A higher form of selflessness, which reduces selfishness in the family, is doing for others, conscious selflessness outside the family.

Olya, what three main pieces of advice would you give to women who understand that they are responsible for peace and happiness in the family?

The energy of inspiration belongs to a woman - inspire your men. If a woman believes in her man, he reaches the top. If he looks like he’s lost, he’s lost. We women are very strong in the world, in the material sphere. Be chaste. Chastity is not just about getting married as a virgin. First of all, it is to be sure that the best man for you is your husband. Accept your men. Totally! Acceptance is unconditional agreement with some qualities, traits and characteristics of your man, without the desire to change it or fight it.

I would like to finish like this: A Woman gives a Man the right to do what he wants, while retaining the right to ask for what She wants.

The interview was conducted and prepared by Tatyana Dzutseva

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