Why can't a man find his other half. Your standards are too high

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Tatiana!

Let's try to analyze what could be the reasons why you have not met your man yet. Considering that it is impossible to find out from your letter how you communicate with the opposite sex or look at the situation from the outside, we will start from what it would be important to pay attention to in general.

The first thing that is important to focus on is the information that long term relationship You lined up with men whose lifestyle is somewhat social norms. And you made absolutely correct conclusions: “I became picky in choosing men, as I learned from bitter experience that you shouldn’t fall for men with a lifestyle that can lead me back to the same thing that was in my previous relationship.” At the same time, a person has the peculiarity of attracting relationships or people of a certain type. Many women can confirm that all their chosen ones were somewhat similar. Now you are very attentive and prevent in advance meetings with those men with whom relations can be built by analogy with what it was. At the same time, the reason why you “attracted” those particular men and built relationships with them remains unclear. Thus, it turns out that the root of your difficulties is also not clear. This is what is important to think about. Why do men of this type like you so much.

The second question that is important to understand is why free men, who are potentially able to make a good match for you, stop making contact after a while. You write: "those who are free after a short time of communication begin to avoid me." Maybe this is due to the fact that “at the same time, in every new acquaintance I see a potential husband in men”? Men are very sensitive to trying to save them from loneliness. After all, most of them start relationships not with a mystery for the future, but for a good time. The idea of ​​marriage is formed in the process of relationships. Even if such a thought is in my head, the open desire of a woman to go down the aisle of men is frightening. You may assume that if you do not speak directly about your intentions and desires, no one will know. However, men and women read each other quite well. As a rule, what worries us a lot is very noticeable. Plus, a person in words always gives information about what interests him especially. You can unconsciously broadcast to a man that you see him as a good husband in the future. This information is read by a man, and he, not ready for your scenario, prefers to interrupt communication. IN this case first of all, you need to change your views, attitudes, probably even interests. The more failures happen on the personal front, the more you fixate on this idea. The lightness that so attracts men is leaving. It is important to move away from concentrating on thoughts about the need for marriage and about your “curse”: “I’m starting to think that someone has jinxed me.”

There is another type of men. They are looking for a wife and, as a rule, they choose women of a certain type. You write about yourself: “smart and Strong woman". This image is not suitable for those men who are looking for a woman for marriage, because. in a man's head, "smart and strong" does not go well with "cooks and takes care of children." You need to ask yourself the question: Is marriage really your main goal now? If yes, then it probably makes sense to reconsider your image and the way you present yourself. However, before that, you should ask yourself if a quick marriage is really what you want. Is the role of wife and mistress suitable for you? Probably even housewives.

The third thing you can do is to start a dialogue with your friends and acquaintances about the relationship situation that concerns you. It is advisable that you talk to a male friend, if there is one in your social circle. It will help you to understand with what eyes men see you. You must be ready for this conversation and be sure that the person with whom you decide to discuss the situation will tell you the truth, and you can trust his opinion. Here it is important to avoid such conversations where you will be encouraged, cunning or, conversely, spoken in an exaggerated manner. So, first of all, it will be useful to weigh your relationship with friends and understand who you can come to with such a conversation. It may surprise you that this is not necessary. best friend or a childhood friend.

Perhaps these are the recommendations that you can use and apply at any time. If the situation develops in such a way that everything is much deeper, I recommend that you seek an internal consultation with a psychologist, because. search may be required deep reasons your situation. From your letter it is clear that you are ready to work on yourself and to search for answers. Perhaps this is the most important, because. the desire for change is already half the battle.

They say that one day love comes to us... But it's not love that comes to us, but we come to it...

We live in anticipation of a miracle, in anticipation fabulous day when long-awaited love appears on our way. We accomplish our intentions and actions, moving in a direction that can lead us to love. In every person who comes into our lives, we try to see that very one, dear and most beloved, the one who will wake up our heart, sleeping under the cover of sincere feelings.

But where is he, the man who will make us happy? He is very close, closer than we think ... And somewhere on this Earth he leaves his steps, somewhere his voice sounds and his laughter is heard ... But we know what he will be like, don't we? His image always appears in our mind. And this is not a figment of fantasy, not a fictitious ideal, but a real man that exists on this Earth and in this life.

From birth, we are given the image of our soulmate, and we carefully store it in our minds, but often take it for the fruit of our imagination, for a fictional character that does not exist in reality, this person seems too ideal to us. But the more we accept the image of our soul mate as a fantasy, the further life takes this person away from us, the more difficult it will be to meet him halfway. We doubt and cannot see a holistic image of our soul mate, but as soon as we discard all doubts, prejudices and focus on the image, a picture of the person who will be next to us will immediately begin to emerge in our minds. And this picture is multidimensional, it has many facets and development scenarios.

The fact is that we can see not only the image of that very person, but also all sorts of options for our meeting. Our ancestors knew that every person has a soul mate, and that their meeting will definitely happen when each of them is ready. Because young girls and boys were not allowed to have relationships with just anyone, because virginity had importance when choosing a wife or husband. All the people with whom we have relationships leave their mark on our energy field, which in turn creates interference and distorted vibrations for the person who is truly our soulmate.

Because we attract each other thanks to own energy, a certain level of vibrations, which is reflected in all components of our life. Because in modern world where perverted ideals have become a value, it is so hard to meet that same person. But there is always the opportunity to cleanse ourselves of other people's energies, to tune in to the wave that will reunite the river of our life with the ocean of love. We can prepare the ground for long-awaited meeting. It is enough to realize the connection with your soul mate, cast aside all doubts and accept the image that is reflected in our minds. After all, each of the halves develops simultaneously, everything that happens to one on the energy plane, the same happens to the other.

Just stop, stop looking, feel how your heart breathes, feel the presence of your soulmate, an invisible connection - a thread stretched between you, along which the energy of your love moves. And the stronger the awareness of love in the heart, the closer that one and only person becomes to you.

One day, you will remember the eyes that reflected your life for thousands of years. You will remember the hands that always hugged you so tenderly. And your dear and beloved smile will touch your soul. Everything will be remembered by the heart when you meet your soul mate. Wonderful memories will emerge from the depths of your soul, and love will illuminate you with all your being. The love that has lived in you for thousands of years. From one life to another you went together, each time you met and parted to find each other again. So it was and always will be, and this circle of joy and bright feelings. Remember, no one can lose anyone, no one will ever be left alone, because your heart keeps the image of a loved one, you follow each other in every new life, in every incarnation. And the power of your love creates its universe.

If you knew how close love is to you, if you understood that from the very birth next to you is the same only person, you would stop searching, suffering and making mistakes. A thread is stretched between the two halves, which binds the hearts together. You are together even when you have not yet met each other. You are always there, wherever you are, with whomever you are. There is an image of your soul mate in your mind, you always feel "your" person, you just do not attach any importance to this, since many people cannot separate their thoughts and feelings from those of others.

You live life together, develop at the same time and are always energetically connected with each other, so "strangers" will always leave, you should not consider this another disappointment or mistake and suffer from loneliness. In fact, it was just not your person. But it is worth realizing the connection with your soul mate, as all anxieties and worries will go away. You will simply feel that he is there, that he is very close to you. Remember that this person also always thinks about you, he also feels your thoughts and feelings, and there is your image in his mind. At the moment when both of you are ready for a meeting, life will bring your paths together and a long-awaited meeting will take place.

The truth of the word: "When you meet that very person, you will understand why it did not work out with others."

When you meet that same person, love like you love for the first time. Love with all your heart, with all your soul, completely surrendering to feelings, giving all of yourself, but not demanding anything in return. Love sincerely, where the light will not know darkness, where fears, doubts and prejudices will fade before the fire of unconditional love.

Wherever you are, whoever you are with, remember who is in your heart, keep your love, keep it from all negative and selfish manifestations. Protect your loved one, as the Universe protects every child. Give him warmth, tenderness, care. Appreciate it. Accept his true essence without masks and stereotypes. Admire his virtues. Respect his shortcomings. After all, he is your reflection. Everything that attracts or repels you in a loved one is only you. You see in him who you are. Love your reflection in it. Love yourself in it.

When you find your soul mate, when you love unconditional love, you are doing a great good for the entire Universe, you are helping the entire Universe. Together you create a world of harmony and love around you, fill the space with light and pure energy, you revive the world and the souls of people who come into contact with yours.

Even if a person does not yet know about your love, you send him the light of your heart, you heal him, you help him develop, he may not know that it is you who make him happy, but what could be better than the happiness of that person who do you love?

And then, one day, the love that you have been waiting for so long will appear in your life. Love that will heal your soul and fill your heart with light. Love that will reveal the truth of being. Love for everything that exists - for every living soul, every manifestation of energy is its beginning. Love is all-encompassing, limitless, all-powerful. Love that gives you awareness. Love lives in everything and everywhere. She is selfless. She is unconditional. Love that will give you the desire to see yourself in everything created by the Great Creator. Love that will open your spiritual beginning and bring boundless happiness into your life.

Unconditional love is the only key to healing and awakening the soul.

© Alexandra Mershchy

Finding your soul mate is the dream of people of all ages. With the same frequency, this goal is pursued by both men and women. Some try their luck on the Internet, on various dating sites. Others are looking for a soul mate destined for the universe with the help of astrology. But long awaited soul mate nowhere. In this case, it's time to think and find the source of the problem. Perhaps it does not lie in the outside world, and failures in personal life act as a signal beacon calling for attention to the inner world.

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Who to look for?

To get a result, you need to correctly set the task. Without accurate data about the person of your dreams, even if it is still imaginary, it is impossible to get positive result. Usually, already at this stage, the searchers start having problems. And there is only one reason for the problems - a person does not know himself.

Finding a partner for life together should not turn into obsession otherwise it is nothing more than an escape from yourself. People who cannot stand their own company seek to fill free time communication with outsiders. Left alone with themselves, they experience fear and even horror. Therefore, before thinking about finding a soul mate, you need to find out who the seeker himself is. You need to have a clear picture of your life. If a person is unhappy with himself, then together with someone he will only be more unhappy, and even risk ruining the life of another.

When an image of one's own personality has formed in the head, the question of the desired qualities of a partner will disappear by itself. A mature person knows what he loves and what he cannot stand. He understands how and what will make him deeply unhappy. For example, a sociable person who needs frequent tactile and eye contact with his partner, can not stand next to him an introvert, immersed in the world computer games. Such a relationship will bring disappointment to both.

What can you tell about yourself

Refinement of coordinates

The next stage of the search is the specification of coordinates. adult independent personality easy to get along with almost anyone. The partner will be comfortable, but the seeker himself is unlikely. Only in fairy tales and movies love story"good girl and bully" has a happy ending, in reality, people who have the same view of the world get along best, shared dreams and goals.

Partners should be equal, then they understand each other perfectly. Therefore, the search criteria should be clarified, namely:

• Age.
• Income.
• The level of education.
• His goals and dreams.
• The presence of children.
• Does he want to have children.
• Religious affiliation (for example, people who profess Orthodoxy will find it difficult to get along with Muslims).

When looking for a partner, it is important to identify those qualities, habits and character traits that annoy. It is necessary to consider only your own thoughts, without consulting friends or parents. Only in this way will it be possible to identify true needs.

Need in the smallest details imagine the created image next to you. Scroll in your head possible development events and domestic difficulties. When looking for a partner to create a family, it is important to realize what role everyone is ready to play in family life. For example, an adherent of a traditional, patriarchal system will not get along with an emancipated woman. It is important to understand that a life position is an important part of a partner; it cannot be corrected without harming the human psyche. And that is psychological abuse.

How to understand that this is your person

Search methods

Desire to feel joy sooner love adventures often pushes people to rash, chaotic actions that lead to new disappointments. Of course, in order to find your person among the thousands of "wrong ones", you need to significantly expand your circle of contacts. But you can not rush into new acquaintances headlong. If the goal is a fleeting romance, lasting a maximum of several months, this is correct tactics. Building long-term relationships requires a serious approach.

To find happiness in your personal life, you need to check your imaginary ideal more often. This is not a waste of time, but a natural filter. Live soul to soul long years only partners united by one idea can. Therefore, when choosing a place to meet, you should take into account your hobbies, otherwise there is a great risk in Once again engage in a stormy romance with his opposite. For example, active people should meet in places active rest: hiking, gym or thematic groups in the Internet. Fans of creativity - at exhibitions, museums, master classes and various courses.

Partners should experience unity in all plans:

• Psychological compatibility.
• Physiological attraction.
• Social identity (an introvert will find it difficult to get along with an extrovert).

If compatibility is present at all three levels, this union is practically invulnerable.

If the search is introverted person, then the chaotic search gives a positive result. Natural modesty will not allow you to contact inappropriate people, and gaining new knowledge will improve communication skills, significantly expanding your social circle.

When looking for a partner by date of birth, it is important to consider a number of factors: if the person of interest has the same horoscope as the seeker, this is not a guarantee of a harmonious union. If the object of adoration is older or too young, significant communication difficulties may arise due to the difference in upbringing.

How to meet your destiny man

Why didn't it work?

Often, even despite all attempts, relationships still do not add up, and a person begins to fall into new extremes. He either withdraws into himself and denies the possibility of finding his other half, or, conversely, becomes socially activated and exhausts himself with attempts at self-improvement. There is nothing wrong with self-development if it is done with passion and interest. But in most cases, love disappointments make people doubt their own worth, and this becomes a motivator to acquire new skills. This is a destructive path that leads to unhappiness in love and dissatisfaction with life.

To prevent this from happening, it is important to understand that searching is normal. Even if it lasts a long time, it doesn't matter. The reason for the failed relationship is not in the seeker, but in the fact that there was a "wrong" person nearby.

Often you can meet the situation: luxury woman over 35 looking for a man over 40. She is self-sufficient, beautiful body, a lot of vital energy, happy with her life, playing the piano and learning Spanish. A grown man. She finds on a dating site a profile of a man she likes, who has similar interests. But there is one "but", he is looking for a girl under 25. The result is disappointment. But the point is not that something is wrong with the seeker, but that it is precisely this, specific man Looking for a girl under 25. He is experiencing urgent need in naive enthusiastic looks and spontaneity, while the seeker is looking for a stable partner for life.

Temporary loneliness gives you the opportunity to relax, get to know your desires more deeply and fill your life with new hobbies. However, when loneliness becomes a burden, it is incredibly depressing and turns life into one continuous problem. And even if at some stage in life a person consciously chose a single path, sooner or later we all understand that the time has come to meet our love. This is where the most main question- how to meet your soul mate if there are no worthy candidates among the people around you?

In matters of finding love, many rely on fate. However, what is the likelihood that your significant other will find you if you yourself are not looking for her? Perhaps only 10 steps separate you from the second half, which you can easily overcome, deciding to radically change your life.

Step #1 - Believe that you are worthy of love

Probably, in the life of every woman there were unsuccessful relationships that ended not in the most pleasant way. Someone remembers this experience with a slight smile, but for someone the memory of it prevents them from believing in their own. female attractiveness. If you want to meet new love forget past mistakes. Whatever wounds they leave on the heart, just trust that you are worthy to love and be loved.

Step #2 - Examine Your Past Mistakes

Many women note that their new relationship is developing according to the previous scenario. Someone breaks up over and over again because of the unbearable jealousy of a partner, someone gets tired of inattention, and someone cannot build love due to a lack of emotional intimacy. If several of your novels ended for the same reason, and you do not want to step on the familiar “rake” again, analyze your behavior frankly and without embellishment. Perhaps it is you who make men do this, and not otherwise. If you cannot independently determine the cause of recurring situations, do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist, because from the outside the problem is always more noticeable.

Step #3 - Be patient but don't waste time

Do not hope that as soon as you want to meet your love, she will immediately appear to you in the form of a handsome prince. It is possible that you will be lucky enough to meet your soulmate in a few months or even years, but this does not mean at all that you should patiently wait for your chosen one all this time, cruising along the “home-work-home” route. While you are still free, fill your life with new emotions, meetings and acquaintances. Nice talking with new people, and especially with the opposite sex, incredibly uplifting, developing our sociability and charm.

Step #4 - Discover Your New Talents

When life starts to feel like a boring and monotonous television series, The best way get rid of the blues - do something new. If you have been dreaming of sewing for a long time soft toys, enroll in a Spanish course or go kayaking - now is the time. Firstly, new emotions are incredibly uplifting, and secondly, it is possible that you will meet your soul mate in the company of like-minded people.

Step #5 - Be around men more often

If you are working in women's team, and in your immediate environment there are no applicants for a hand and heart, look for new opportunities to meet your soul mate. Go to a cafe that broadcasts sports matches, sign up for a business seminar, attend events that are of interest to men. In an informal setting, acquaintances tend to start on their own. In addition, hanging out with men will help you improve your flirting skills and feel more feminine.

Step #6 - Take a trip

very many happy couples found each other during the journey. While on vacation, we forget about our problems, becoming more open, friendly and real. And even if you do not meet your love on the journey, getting to know new cultures and countries incredibly broadens your horizons and gives you an incentive to enjoy life.

Step #7 - Don't be the perfect partner

By nature, women are very dreamy. Having not yet met our chosen one, we already know what features of appearance he should have, how much to earn and what character to have. Sometimes an imaginary image ideal partner obscures dignity real men. It is optimal if you determine several character traits that you definitely want to see in your future chosen one, and let fate decide for you all the other moments.

Step #8 - Imagine that you have already met your love

There is an interesting technique in psychology: girls who really want to get married, but at the same time cannot meet their chosen one, are offered to behave as if they already have a husband for a month. Imagine that you have already met your soul mate and think about how this meeting will change your life. Surely, the presence of a beloved man will make you reconsider your daily routine, give up habits that interfere family happiness, improve your culinary skills and the ability to lead household. Such self-deception is very useful from a psychological point of view. With it, you will subconsciously tune in the right way, making it easier for your soulmate to find you.

Step #9 - Improve Yourself

Female attractiveness is made up of many factors. This includes and outer beauty, and the ability to dress stylishly, and intellectual awareness and confidence in own forces. Of course, your soulmate will definitely love you for who you really are. However, it is very important for every woman to feel and realize her irresistibility, and this is possible only through constant work on herself.

Step #10 - Have no doubt that you will meet your soul mate

Many women who, for some reason, do not have a personal life, begin to blame fate for this. At some point, they stop dreaming and hoping, getting used to their own loneliness. However, if you want to be happy, know that happiness is up to you. Treat your loneliness as a temporary phenomenon, not doubting even for a minute that sooner or later you will meet your love.

There is one very interesting wisdom among the people, which says: "to find what you are looking for, you need to stop looking." If your whole life is devoted to the question - how to meet your soul mate, you will not be able to just live and enjoy life. So sometimes, in order to solve a problem, you just need to let it go.