What is the happiness of family life. Secrets of a happy family life

Be emotionally responsive and accessible

Being a responsive and approachable partner means being someone who is easy to get along with. emotional contact who is ready to “connect” to another, who responds to any appeal, and does not ignore it, does not close, does not blame, does not ridicule. He cares about what happens to his loved one, he is involved, he is ready to spend his time on him and constantly sends a signal - "you matter to me." In a happy relationship, such emotional responsiveness and availability are mutual.

Destroyers - those who for the most part do not respond to the "invitation", do not get involved in what is important to another, do not rejoice at his successes, often criticize, pay more attention to the shortcomings and mistakes of his partner, making him feel wrong and worthless. It is not at all surprising that love in such couples, no matter how ardent it may be at the beginning, does not survive.

Accept differences and see the other as real

Many people associate love with similarity. The feeling that they think, feel, and look at things from the same angle with their beloved creates the illusion of closeness, unity, and security.

And in this beautiful fusion, any difference, dissimilarity, imperfection of the other is perceived very painfully: how? do you have a different opinion? other reactions? other settings nervous system? you don't like what I like? don't you think it's necessary to do what I do?

Differences are not something to be tried and rooted out. This is something that needs to be recognized and respected. Problems usually arise not because people are not similar to each other, but because they cannot “recycle” their differences, cannot agree that a loved one is not like you, is different, cannot accept his individual nature, features and outlook on life. And they believe that he should correspond to their ideas about a “real” person and make their happiness the meaning of their lives.

In order for you to feel good with each other, you need to understand that your loved one is not service personnel and not a set of qualities from a rigid gender scheme. He is a separate, living person. He also has his strengths and limitations and subtle, sensitive places and needs, and they do not always coincide with yours.

You need to respect the differences between you and learn to live with them. To see the other as real, real, and not invented and something you owe. Harmony in relationships is born only when you love each other, take into account your own and other people's interests, and at the same time remain yourself, recognizing the other's right to the same.

Collaborate and negotiate

It's pretty hard to live and feel happy next with a person who, in response to your request or desire to do something, expresses disagreement, resists, but does not offer anything constructive in return.

Who only considers himself right and is sure that everyone should obey this rightness. And vice versa - it is very comfortable and joyful to live in families where people readily cooperate, freely discuss plans, understand that everyone can have their own vision, look for ways to achieve a goal or a compromise that suit everyone, and then willingly follow all this.

Some believe that in happy unions, partners do not conflict or quarrel. They quarrel. But they know how to get out of these quarrels without much loss. How do they do it? Very simple - they do not hide from problematic topics, openly and directly discuss what really worries both of them, clarify incomprehensible things, strive to reconcile differences, find a solution to the problem together, and not blame the other ("it's all because of you!"), stronger hit him on the patient and defeat him.

Quarrels are not terrible. The main thing is that you can (strive) to negotiate and comply with the agreements reached.

Contribute to the self-development of everyone

As psychologists say good marriage is a marriage where both people understand that together they empower each and create a life that one would not be able to create for himself. Without mutual support, involvement in the affairs of a partner, readiness to help him realize his abilities and rejoice in his success, this is simply impossible to achieve.

When people pull the blanket over themselves and believe that the other only takes away their resources, robs them, hinders their development, deprives them of prospects, relationships degenerate and become cohabitation of unfortunate, barely tolerant of each other, "ruined" someone else's youth - until then, until someone has the determination to stop them.

Take things lightly and with humor

If any difficulty is perceived as a tragedy and “everything is lost, boss”, then life, including family life, turns into continuous overcoming and eternal battle. And the ability not to dramatize, not to get bogged down in fruitless “showdowns”, to defuse the situation with a joke and, without hurting anyone, to relieve tension noticeably makes this life easier.

A happy family life is not just a dream for so many people of both sexes. It is also a certain choice, for the sake of which one sometimes has to sacrifice something. And the daily work of all family members, especially spouses, of course. Let's try to reveal the main secrets family happiness, myths and reality that exist around this concept.

Is the life of happy families the same today. Well, of course not. The modern world is so multipolar that there are much more family happiness than, say, a hundred years ago. On the other hand, there are common things that make people happy in marriage. Such as mutual understanding, support, love. But is this always enough for family happiness? What is the reality of the modern relationship between spouses, what helps and hinders us from living happily together?

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What is the key to happiness in family life?

Today, very few couples can unequivocally answer this question. And the answer to it remains the same. That and a hundred, two hundred. Five hundred years ago. happy in family life love makes us. Very simple answer, so where's the catch?

The catch is that today this concept is “erased”, distorted and twisted. Young boys and girls no longer understand what it means to love someone, to love your partner. It seems to most that this concept means, first of all, to take everything you want from your loved one - attention, care, warmth, affection, love.

How people talk today young girls dreaming of marriage and unable to find a man? Here I have a man, he will begin to love me, carry me in his arms, patronize, and I will love him in return. But it's not about love. That is not about love at all.

Love lives inside each of us. As soon as a girl begins to feel her and is ready to give her to her man, then she becomes ready for family life, and then she has a man and everything works out.

And of course, the main secret of family happiness is to give your love to your loved ones. First of all, to the spouse, of course, but also to children, parents, her and her husband. Take care of each other, patronize and protect. Make their life easier. It seems that Grace Kelly said that the main purpose of a woman in family life is to take responsibility for the happiness of all family members.

Living together is not higher mathematics, let's put it this way. Yes, to truly care for someone, to love him, to give him your warmth and energy is not an easy, costly business. And this will have to be learned. But if we are talking about personal development - which, by the way, is also very fashionable to talk about in youth circles - you will never, alone, achieve even a fifth of the development that you will receive in family relationships in tandem with a partner.

In addition, you cannot talk about what is not created for family life and joint happiness until you get the appropriate experience. Any reasoning that is not supported by experience is just a hypothesis that needs to be tested. If you don’t want to take it, admit it honestly at least to yourself, and don’t cover it up own fears non-existent natural features.

Myth No. 2: “The main secret of family happiness is how well you chose a partner”

If you are lucky and you just met the very one, your person, family happiness is guaranteed to you. All other, unsuccessful cases are simply a consequence of an error in the choice. Therefore, as a consequence, you need to get divorced and look for another or another.

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Of course, how harmoniously you combine in domestic attitude, by nature, how comfortable you are with each other, well in bed and sincerely in conversation - all this is very important. But, alas, this is not all, and this is not enough. Often a happy life together does not work out even for very harmonious couples.

Sometimes because they don't understand why they are together. Their relationship has no purpose, and therefore. Sometimes because the husband and wife have absolutely different views about marital happiness, and they cannot give each other what each of them wants from family life.

Truly happy families know that family happiness in reality is an everyday life. teamwork, not always pleasant. Learn to accept each other completely, namely to accept and love completely, and not close your eyes or deny shortcomings. To what happy spouses go all their lives, or what they start doing from the very first day.

There are no ideal ones. Each of us has shortcomings, difficulties in character, complexes, and so on. Only by learning to love a spouse with all his negative qualities, we are taking the first step towards family happiness.

Myth #3 or “The rich also cry”

Prosperity has never made anyone happy. Or did not do very well for a long time. Prosperity in the family, of course, significantly expands the possibilities of its members, creates more comfortable conditions their livelihoods. However, the causal relationships in the level of happiness in the family, depending on the wealth, are very confusing.

Of course, unsettled life, the constant lack of livelihood is very exhausting for all family members, and especially for a woman. And sometimes it causes divorces, especially in our country. But also among families with high level prosperity, the number of divorces is no less.

The amount of money in your wallet, cars in your garage, and floors in your house won't make you happy. Because it won't teach you how to love. It will not save from, from his betrayal or dislike. Keep this in mind when prioritizing when choosing a potential life partner.

Myth #4 “An incomplete family is an unhappy family”

Incomplete families are families where either one of the parents is absent or there are no children. Of course, ideally, the family should be complete, but if it so happened that a woman, for example, became a widow, can and should this interfere with her happiness and the happiness of her children? Life is unpredictable, the role of the missing parent is often taken on by other relatives - uncles, aunts or grandparents.

AT incomplete family a woman who has lost her husband, first of all, her mother. And it mainly depends on her how, and she can raise them happy, regardless of whether their father is nearby or for some reason he is not around.

As for the absence of children in the family, the situations here are also different. Someone does not want children, is not ready to take on this responsibility. Someone wants, but medical indications, for example, cannot. Children, of course, are a factor that holds the couple together. But at the same time, the presence or absence of children cannot guarantee happiness and success. life together. Everything is very individual, and the absence of children today cannot be an unambiguous criterion for an unhappy union.

Myth number 5 "In happy families - silence, but smooth surface, but God's grace"

The most serious misconception is that the secret of family happiness lies in the fact that in such families they live without quarrels, they always go towards each other. There is no jealousy. misunderstanding and so on. Ideal, in general, relationship, without a hitch, without a hitch. But, of course, this is not so - troubles, losses, sorrows happen in the life of absolutely everyone.

Married couples who have been happily married for many years share their secrets on how to make love endless.

1. Trudy and Paul have been married for 35 years:“I once read in a very old book on marriage: "Always treat your husband as the most honored guest in the house." In other words, your behavior should be the best. It changed me, and my husband responded to me in return. And my personal opinion about marriage is this: A good relationship are built from a thousand small good deeds for each other.
2. Steve and Cheryl have been married for 20 years:“Never discuss sensitive issues when you are hungry or tired. And to improve communication, chew marshmallows. What can't you do with a mouthful of marshmallows? Speak. And communication is more about listening than talking. I always tell my wife, if what I said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the options upsets or angers you, then I meant the other option.
3. Stephanie has been married for 18 years:“We purposely sit side by side on the couch every night. My father told me to do this when I got married. Because then you touch each other, you feel the cozy warmth and energy of a loved one.
4. Rita and Kurt have been married for 27 years:“Watch your manners. Too often we show more respect for strangers than for those we love. Parents often expect good treatment from their children, although they themselves do not show it among themselves. “Please give me this plate” sounds much gentler and kinder than “Give me this.” Kindly, could you please excuse me - this is magic words. And they're not just for dates."
5. Don and Estelle have been married for 50 years:“Our main tip for newlyweds is to look only forward and look back only at Good times. Each of us has our faults and our faults, and so if all of your attention is focused on past bad times, your marriage can turn into a heavy burden. Remember and revel in your successes.

   Ignore moments when you failed. Don't try to blame the problem, try to find a solution. Love is like a boomerang, throw it at your spouse and it will come back to you.”

6. Don and Tony have been married for 32 years:“Always find something to laugh at. Laugh together. Times are cruel. Problems happen in all families, and things don't always go smoothly in life. But if you find a way to laugh at it, then unity will arise between you, and you can overcome everything!”

   

7. Nicholas and Rafaela have been married for 82 years:: "Always respect each other and try not to attach special significance trifles. Our parents also lived long years in happy marriage. Our family does not know what divorce is at all. Upbringing family values a very important part of the culture."
8. Judy and Jeff have been married for 22 years:“Remember: Women want to be loved and adored. And men want to feel respect ... Even more than love. It sounds strange, but it's true. Do not deprive your man of masculinity. Don't take your woman for granted. Life becomes boring and stressful.

   Your marriage will have times when it is both strong and weak. Whatever you did at the beginning of your marriage that ended up laughing together later, take the time to repeat the same things 10, 20, and 30 years later. Read excerpts from your favorite book to each other, watch your favorite movies together.

9. Dave and Rose have been married for 32 years:“In a couple, each should strive to do good for the other, and not fight in the style of “And me?”. And then with experience comes a win-win solution where each person gives and serves the other.”
10. Chuck and Marilyn have been married for 41 years.: “When we faced adversity together, it brought us closer. Child care was also powerful force. And as soon as you have grandchildren, the family bond is strengthened even more.
11. Charlene and Rick have been married for 18 years:“Divorce is not a solution to think about, talk about, and think of as the answer to a problem. Almost all problems are short-term. Divorce is the long term answer. If money becomes the reason, discuss it immediately. Family life is not garden greens, these are values ​​that give rise to contradictions and disputes.
12. Paula and Dan have been married for 26 years:"Keep dating. Since we've been married, we try to spend one night a month as a couple. When the children were small (up to 6 months), we took them with us, we never sat at home. And it doesn't have to be just the two of you. Date other people or couples. This will give you the opportunity for interesting full-fledged communication, and not a long discussion of domestic problems.

    

13. Julia and Mark have been married for 15 years:“Be caring, patient, and accepting of what happens in your partner's life. We always knew that it was important to always stay individual personality. There are things that we would like to achieve personally. We would like our goals in work to be not only understood, but also supported. And it's not always easy.

    My husband went through 2 stages of my higher education and a job change in 5 companies. And I put him today on a plane flying to the war zone to fulfill my military duty. I have an ambiguous opinion about sending our troops outside the homeland. But I believe in my husband and I know it's important to him."

14. Rick and Jen have been married for 14 years: Forget your old "best" friends. Now you have a new best friend. Give each other unforgettable moments.
15. Nancy and Don have been married for 16 years:“The most important thing for a long and happy married life is to know yourself first before marriage.”
16. Beverly and Pablo have been married for 33 years:“Spare yourself from friends, families and situations that negatively affect your life and family, and let your husband do the same. Save your intimate life interesting. Listen to each other's fantasies. Don't be afraid to be sensual in the marital bedroom. And be sure to plan an amazing vacation together.”
17. Ralph and Teresa have been married for 17 years:" We - best friends. When sex becomes less important, it is best to enjoy doing things together (what used to be done alone). For example, we travel by car for several days to get to a car exhibition. And we start to like each other even more.
18. Lisa and Brian have been married for 12 years:“We made a pact not to quarrel over money. Financial difficulties lead to divorce. And we do not want our relationship to deteriorate because of such an insignificant issue as money. We have gone through financial ups and downs, we have gone through times of unemployment and huge loans. But we never blamed each other for anything and always calmly discuss financial questions.»

    

19. Doren and Tim have been married for 20 years:“We are as different as partners can be in a couple. But instead of being annoyed by our differences, we enjoy them. We find each other's quirks endlessly funny, like watching exotic animals in a zoo. Not a day goes by that I don't die of laughter because my husband makes fun of something I do. We often tease each other. And it never looks low and mean. We are each other's best psychotherapists.
20. Lanni and Christine have been married for 23 years:"You must have a common . When a couple has it, any bump on the road to it will be a guide to the goal. Without a dream, any obstacle on the way will be a huge peak for you to climb. Find your purpose on this planet, make a list of the values ​​​​of your life, take a step forward and forward!
21. Anna and Dean have been married for 25 years:“If you think you are made for each other and are going to live long, happy life, develop and grow together - you need to always remain in close spiritual closeness with each other. Otherwise, as a result, you will find that you do not know your spouse at all, because he / she has changed over the years.

Write in the comments how many years have you been married, and what is the main secret married life can you share?! Before you connect your life with this or that person, be sure to find out everything about him or her. You may be interested in a variety of points - from hereditary diseases to the inheritance due to your potential soulmate. Most importantly, ask yourself if you can live your whole life with this person. In the biography of your future spouse, by the time you get married, there should be no dark spots left for you.

The key concept for creating happy couple no doubt can be called fidelity. If you are going to connect your life with this person, tune in to loyalty to him. If you haven’t “worked up” yet, it may be worth postponing marriage. Most people consider fidelity to be the key to happiness in a couple.

Appreciate your husband or wife. Indulge, make compromises, give little cute gifts ... A quarrel is better than a tense silence that undermines a marriage gradually, but better than a quarrel calm discussion of the problem. Be sure to clarify all conflict issues and put up. You should not go to bed in a quarreled state, because grievances only grow stronger over time, which means that in the morning it will be much more difficult to put up. If you find it difficult to compromise, imagine that your significant other has disappeared. If you truly value your loved one, after that it will not be so difficult for you to be the first to offer a truce.

If a couple has problems, go to a therapist or attend a couples seminar.

Do not let everyday life break family comfort!

Domestic problems have separated many strong couples. It is worth starting to fight with them from the very beginning of their life together. Share the responsibilities, buy household appliances(from the vacuum cleaner to the dishwasher), take care of the house together. If both you and your half work, such a separation of duties is simply necessary. Despite the stereotypical idea that a woman should run the house, in modern world where a significant proportion of women work on an equal footing with men, women have earned the right to rest. Therefore, the division of responsibilities will greatly simplify your joint existence.

To keep relationships healthy and strong, don't use sex as a manipulative tool.

Mutual support in a couple is the key to success. Instead of nag or reproach your spouse, support, reassure, something. It is very important to listen carefully to each other in hard days.

sex life- an indispensable component happy relationship. At the very beginning, there are usually no problems in this regard, but over time, marital sex becomes boring, becomes monotonous and boring. Unfortunately, in the sexual sphere, everything just doesn’t get better. Buy erotic lingerie, read about role playing, take the lead. There is a lot of literature on the web on this subject.

For many centuries, neither scientists nor philosophers can give a concrete answer to the question "what is happiness." AT explanatory dictionary Russian language: happiness is a state of well-being, joy from the fullness of life.

What is happiness

Happiness is complex and simple at the same time, it all depends on moral values person. As you get older, your idea of ​​happiness changes with age. AT carefree childhood seems like a huge blessing new toy, eaten candy or going to the movies.

The older you get, the less often you pay attention to what just recently gave you a feeling of happiness: the bright sun, or bubbles in a puddle from the rain. Time runs, a lot is changing. And this is happiness good job, respect for the team, next to the person who loves you, and whom you love.

Happiness is a state that comes from you, comes from within. This state depends primarily on your ability to perceive the world. Lives somewhere nearby the large family, which barely makes ends meet, does not have enough money to once again buy sweets for children, not to mention various entertainments. For them, happiness is in their children. Putting all their love into them, people feel very happy. For others, the need is to be famous, famous and rich. Happiness in money? But there are things that cannot be bought or sold.

What makes happiness

Happiness is in simple things. It cannot be smelled, tasted or touched, but the state of happiness cannot be overlooked and missed. I want to smile just like that, sing in my soul and it doesn’t matter that it’s raining outside or cats screaming all night long under the windows - the soul sings, which means that the person is happy.

But a person cannot always feel absolutely happy - this is unnatural. Happiness is still a state of flux. In our lives, there is always anxiety, and fear, and anxiety. Worrying about your loved ones, taking care of your health, fear of losing material independence, and many other things do not allow you to enjoy the feeling of happiness every day.

So what is the secret of happiness? The answer is no. Happiness can only be in the present, it cannot be accumulated in reserve. Only being in harmony with oneself, appreciating every minute lived, solving problems clearly and calmly, one can be in a state of satisfaction and happiness.

While chasing happiness, think about what moments in your life you feel like happy man. What in life gives you great joy: a strong family or a bank account. Know how to enjoy the little things, look for positive sides in any situation and happiness will not keep you waiting.