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How to communicate with children - valuable advice from experienced teachers. Understanding is the goal of talking to a child

Upon learning that a baby will soon appear in the family, many parents immediately begin to study many books and articles on raising and caring for children, but not everyone pays attention to the fact that proper communication with the child remains an important factor in the formation of a healthy personality of a person, because all the emotions and fears experienced from childhood, we transfer to adulthood. Therefore, it is very important for parents to teach their children how to properly adapt to the world, through communication and a good attitude towards them.

When a newborn baby appeared in the family, even then you need to communicate with him correctly, tell him that you love him, you were waiting for him. All words are subconsciously deposited in the memory of the child. There should be no scandals and quarrels in the family, a bad mood and the energy of the conflict are transmitted to children, which can affect their well-being and behavior.

When a child grows up, begins to realize what is happening and participate in it, making the first sounds and words, you need to support him in every possible way. Praise for the first word, for the first step, for any independent action. This intuitively tells the baby that he is loved by his parents.

Children grow up quickly, time flies and there comes a period when the child absorbs everything that happens like a sponge. It is important for parents to understand that upbringing is influenced not only by communication directly with the baby himself, but also by the relationship between mom and dad. Now it is necessary to praise and show your love not only to the child, but also to each other, because children take an example of behavior in the family from their parents, choosing in the future subconsciously a life partner similar to their mother or father.

It is important to understand that nothing can be forbidden to a child, he does not understand this, he should be limited, but not forbidden, he will learn the world in this way, with all its joys and sorrows. Children should be encouraged for any attempt at independent action, whether self-administration food or building a birdhouse. A child cannot be scolded, so he withdraws into himself and is unlikely to want to do something, knowing that in case of failure they will shout at him. You can not limit it in communication with peers, children develop this way, communicating with each other. In no case do not raise your voice to the child, no matter how upset his behavior or trick is. Children may think that a high tone is the norm, and then this is fraught with the same behavior from them towards you or your address. strangers. Constantly tell your child that you love him deeply no matter what, even when you are angry. Make time joint games and watching cartoons, so the baby will feel protected. Do not force the child to do what he does not want, encourage him to good behavior or deed. In no case do not indulge and do not respond to whims, otherwise the children will think that a mountain of sweets every day is the norm and will demand it all the time. Always explain everything to the child, it is stored in the memory and will pop up at the right time.

In general, raising children is not an easy thing, to do everything right, parents need to learn from children. sincere love and joy. Understand that for a small person the world is very interesting and he sees it only with positive side, and whatever the life of the child in the future, the task of the parents is to provide him with a carefree and complete good emotions childhood.

It would seem that the natural process of communication with your own child, but it can turn into a real test when mutual understanding is lost. What happens between parents and child? Why is everything changing?

Friendly communication is the basis of parental love

Many psychologists and educators come to the conclusion that parents do not know the basic methods of communicating with children. To improve your literacy, you need to read special literature.

Type of communication by age periods

From the moment of birth to 2 years, parents practically conduct a monologue with their beloved child. At 2-3 years old, the child is aware of himself as a person. At this moment, the child's character is formed, he vividly expresses his dissatisfaction with what he does not like. During this period, it is necessary to perceive the child as a person. Ask the child's opinion, if he doesn't like something, then try to correct the situation.

Communication should start with infancy

Communication begins with understanding the condition of the child. If you master this tactic, then everything will turn out well in your relationship with your children. If you experience any difficulties in communication, try to adhere to the following recommendations.

If the child does not want to listen - you need to find out the reason

Books by Julia Gippenreiter about communication

Love, care and indifference

Your thoughts and actions must be permeated with unconditional parental love. Only in this case, all communication will be built on a disinterested feeling. All aspirations and actions that a person performs while in a state of love will certainly lead to success. It is unlikely that a loving parent will start a conversation with the phrase: “Will you get it from me now?”. The mood of the parent is indicated, the child has prepared for defense, now he is only defending himself. Try to avoid such statements in communication with children.

What's happened unconditional acceptance

Complete indifference is not welcome, it is important to understand the difference between calmness and outright indifference. Your indifference plays a detrimental role, the child becomes isolated, it is almost impossible to make contact in such a situation.

Methods of personal communication with your child

The conversation with the child should start with eye contact if the situation is calm, you can go to tactile contact. Through interactions, true emotions are transmitted, try to overcome irritation and negativity, take a step towards a meeting with all your heart.

The child takes an example from the parents

Try not to use the particle “not” in speech, it gives a negative connotation to the whole speech. Until you throw out the garbage, you don’t put things in order in the room, you don’t go to the store for bread. Preferably, when you take out the trash, you can play with the guys.

Praise your child for real success. Some parents go to extremes, some limiting themselves to sparing praise once a year, others bow to the child for performing daily actions. It is important to stipulate for yourself the criteria for the success of the child, if the achievement is real, then do not skimp on praise. This position will form an adequate self-esteem in the child.

And finally. Try to study the culture of speech - children copy our habits. If a child constantly hears speech errors, then he subconsciously copies them. You are the most best example It is a great honor and a great responsibility.

Sooner or later, the son will follow your example, not your advice. Someone said so clever man and was certainly right. The character of the child is not influenced by the words of the parents, but rather by their personal example. However, you still need to communicate with the child. But unfortunately, not all parents know how to do this. When a conversation with a son or daughter is limited to teachings and lectures on moral issues, unreasonable prohibitions and incomprehensible nit-picking, the benefits of such upbringing are not just zero, but tend to negative value. Not all parents know how to properly talk with children and make many mistakes in communication without realizing it. How to communicate with a child correctly?

Rules and secrets of communication with children

A child from infancy has a need for communication. little man, listening to conversations in the house, remembers words, adopts intonations, manner of expressing feelings. This is how the culture of speech is formed. The child in the future will speak exactly as his parents taught him. Trained for personal example. The second aspect of communication with a child is communicative and educational. Parents pass on to children important information, seek to teach them something, establish spiritual contact. The two aspects of communication are inseparable from each other.

Do not forget that along with the words and phrases that parents use in speech, great importance have tone and intonation. Consideration should also be given to the age of the child and individual characteristics, the specifics of a particular conversation.

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Understanding is the goal of talking to a child

Of course, your goal is not blind obedience, but mutual understanding. To install emotional contact with a child, take two simple principles communication.

Conversation on an equal footing

In no case do not make a child an uncomplaining performer of all your requirements. Remember: the conversation should proceed on an equal footing. Even a newborn is already a personality, and even more so a three-four-year-old toddler! You, as an adult and more experienced person, of course, will have to direct the dialogue in right direction. Please note: only dialogue. The child must answer you, express his point of view, and it does not have to coincide with yours. Many parents do not give the child a word against saying. "You can't talk to adults!" they exhort. But only by respecting the child can you count on respect from him. Watch how the child reacts to your words, change your speech depending on the situation. If you do not speak with the child on an equal footing, you risk making the conversation fruitless, causing annoyance in the child and anger in yourself.

Reinforcement of words by personal example

Children catch the discrepancy between word and deed very quickly. If, say, a mother receives a call from work, and she asks her grandmother to say that she is not at home, what conclusions will the child draw? It is true that cheating is not good, but sometimes it is possible. And if the parents say they love the child, but at the same time they constantly yell at him? When the words of an adult disagree with the deed, the child may consider this a guide to his further action. Of any two options, he will choose not the correct one, but the one that he considers beneficial for himself. Disharmony can lead to mental conflict.

So whatever you say, back it up with action. And if you promised something to a child, keep your word, no matter what it costs you.

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Emotions when communicating with the younger generation

The love of parents is vital for every child. Words spoken without love, of course, will force the child to obey, but they can forever instill alienation in his soul, hostility towards his father or mother, a desire to resist their prohibitions at all costs. If you don't want to destroy the close relationship between you and your child, never start a conversation when you are annoyed, even if the reasons for your irritation are serious and the baby played a role in this. Try to avoid indifferent tone. The child may perceive it as indifference to his desires, needs, feelings. The baby may have the idea that it is not needed. So pull yourself together and start a conversation with affectionate treatment. "I'll arrange for you now!" - this phrase can often be heard from annoyed parents, and it is the most wrong.

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Non-verbal elements of communication

Positive emotions during communication will help to establish a good relationship with baby. Tactile sensations no less important. Many parents of teenagers do not know how to communicate with their child, they say that they do not find common language. Start by making eye contact and touching. Touch the child's hand, and at the same time give your face a calm expression and try to smile, even if you are annoyed. But it all has to come from pure heart. Children subtly feel pretense and falseness. If you have a serious and long conversation with your child, you first need to eliminate everything that can distract you. Finish all your household chores, turn off the TV or computer. This way, both of you can focus on the subject of the conversation, and your dialogue will be productive. Do not talk about serious things as if "by the way." Noticing your preparations, the teenager will be imbued with your mood and responsibly treat the upcoming conversation.

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Requests and orders in a conversation with a child

In communication with any person, it is always preferable not to order, but to request, and if we are talking about a conversation with a child, even more so. Orders emphasize the inequality of the two interlocutors, and we remember rule number one: communicate with the child on an equal footing. In addition, orders imply unquestioning obedience. A the main task education does not mean that the child obeys your will, but that he himself understands and comprehends the need for this measure, takes responsibility for the fulfillment of the task.

Advice to parents: formulate requests and orders in a positive form, try not to use the NOT particle. You can often hear: "Until you do your homework / DO NOT clean the room / DO NOT wash the dishes, you will NOT go for a walk." It is much better to say this: "As soon as you do your homework, you can go for a walk." It is necessary to demand so that the child has a sense of responsibility.

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What really helps to convince

Children, especially preschoolers and junior schoolchildren, absolutely do not perceive boring exhortations. But in some situations, they are indispensable. How to be? It is necessary to try to state the "boring" arguments in a more "lively" form. Try to express your thoughts in an interesting way. Games or parables come to the rescue, or maybe a story about your own childhood, when a similar situation happened to you.
Always be sincere with your child. He must feel that what you say is important to both of you.
Try to be laconic. The attention of the child switches to other things after a few minutes.
Speak persuasively and clearly, without subtext or innuendo. Do not use words in your speech that the child may not know the meaning of. Abstract thinking is not yet sufficiently developed in children, and if you already provide the child with any abstract ideas, illustrate them with concrete examples.

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Many parents consider it their duty to advise their children about something. After all, they are older, more experienced, smarter, and indeed, advice is given exclusively with good intentions. We want to keep children safe possible errors, those that they themselves did in childhood and in their youth. Psychologists do not advise rushing with advice for any reason, and even more so, for no reason. In this case helpful tips may get lost in total mass moralizing. Should be limited to current this moment advice. At the same time, direct instructions and turnkey solutions don't give. Perfect advice- when the child himself comes to the desired conclusion, starting from your words.

As for the questions, in no case do not ignore them, no matter how ridiculous and unnecessary they may seem to you. If a child asks a question, then it is important to him. Even if children's "why" and "how" irritate tired parents, one cannot deny children's questions. Do not be silent and do not answer a question with a question, and even more so do not invent fables on the go. Answer clearly and unequivocally, without hints.

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You can’t humiliate - it’s better to praise

Some parents, unfortunately, put a comma after the word humiliate. For any success, even an insignificant child, you need to praise. But beware: this is a well-deserved praise. Do not praise the child if he did not deserve it. As for punishments, without them in educational process, unfortunately not to do. But do not make rude warnings and threats, keep remarks discreet and even tone Try to suppress your anger and irritation.

When blaming your child, do not state the fact, but explain in detail to the child why he is guilty. It is important that the child understands that your judgment refers to his act, and not to himself. He must know that, despite the dissatisfaction, you continue to love and appreciate him. Only in this case, the punishment will be an educational, not a punitive measure. And it is better to punish a child, not doing him bad, but depriving him of something good. For example, going to a cafe with the family on the weekend. Or by limiting the viewing of cartoons and the game on the computer on certain time.

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The culture of dispute and the culture of speech in a conversation with a child

Disputes, as you know, are different. If it's a joint search optimal solution, then such disputes are only welcome. But if the argument is a maniacal desire of one of the participants to insist on his own at all costs, they should be avoided. It happens that adults "go in cycles" on any point, without having any reason. These are, as a rule, orders: “You will not go there!” or "You won't do it because I said so!" And no explanation. This is tyranny or a whim of an adult. And the children know that you can’t indulge whims (you didn’t indulge their whims, after all!), And therefore they will do it anyway, as they see fit. Is this the purpose of education?

The culture of speech is also an important point. After all, when a child grows up, he will speak the same way as you spoke to him. Of course, his speech will be enriched with new words, but the basis will not change. This is a conversation from childhood. Of course, you want the speech of your son or daughter to be competent, expressive, and figurative. Therefore, watch your speech and do everything possible to isolate the baby from an unfavorable language environment. Of course, complete isolation in our society is impossible, so you need to develop a kind of immunity in the child: yes, you hear these words, but this does not mean that they need to be repeated, since these are bad, uncultured words.

Books are your indispensable ally in the development of your child's speech culture. Read them to your child early age Fortunately, we have plenty of good children's literature. And of course, read with expression. Even if you are tired. Let reading be your nightly ritual. Do not refuse, if the baby asks to read, try to find time. Because he will grow up. He takes off his baby pajamas and outdoor sneakers. And as an adult, he certainly will not ask to read or sing. A child is a holiday that is still with you. Good luck with your relationship with your son or daughter.

How to properly communicate with a child.

Advice for parents.

The psychology of communication with a child identifies the following key features in relationships:

The need for recognition and respect;
Mutual understanding with parents;
Developed speech of children;
their curiosity;
Recognition of the child as a full person;
Trust in the child
Emphasizing his competence;
Communicate with adults on an equal footing.

How to properly communicate with a child.

Many parents do not think about this issue - communication happens by itself, both parents and children are satisfied with it. Bye. But there are adults who have already realized the great importance of communication style for the development of the personality of their child.

It has been experimentally proven that if the baby receives good nutrition and good medical care, but is deprived of constant contact with an adult, he develops poorly not only mentally, but also physically: he does not grow, loses weight, loses interest in life. However, just as food can be harmful, so improper communication can harm the psyche of the child, his emotional well-being and will affect his future.

How to properly communicate with your child? This question is complex and simple at the same time. It is difficult because so many factors influence our communication style, most of which we are not aware of. The experts came to the conclusion that the style parental interaction involuntarily imprinted in the psyche of the child as early as preschool age. As an adult, a person reproduces it as natural. Thus, from generation to generation there is a social inheritance of the style of communication: most parents raise their children the way they themselves were raised in childhood. At the same time, the way we interact with the child depends on the fashion in society for certain pedagogical ideas, from our immediate environment - relatives and friends, from the style of communication between other family members, from the age of the parents, from living conditions, and from many other reasons.

And yet, communicating with a child is easy. Because not always, but often this process brings joy. And so that communication is always useful for both an adult and a child, parents, you can use several rules.

Rule #1

Unconditionally accepting a child means loving him not because he is beautiful, smart, capable, an excellent student, assistant, and so on, but just like that, just because he is.

You can often hear from parents such an appeal to their son or daughter: "If you will good boy, then I will love you. " Or: "Do not expect good things from me until you stop ... (be lazy, be rude, fight), you start (obey, remove toys)." In these phrases, the child is told that he is being accepted conditionally , that is, they love, "only if ...". A conditional, evaluative attitude towards a person is generally characteristic of our culture and is introduced into consciousness from childhood. The reason for an evaluative attitude towards children is faith in the power of reward and punishment. Praise a child - and he will become stronger , punish - and the evil will recede. But in reality it turns out that with what more baby scold, the worse it gets. Because upbringing is not training, and parents do not exist in order to develop conditioned reflexes.

Unconditional invaluable acceptance is the satisfaction of one of the fundamental human needs - the need for love, belonging, being needed by another. This need is satisfied when we tell the child: "It's good that you were born with us", "I like you", "I love it when you are at home", "I like to do this with you." Similar to these messages are "wordless" forms of acceptance: glances, affectionate touches, postures and gestures. Psychologists say that 4 hugs a day are simply necessary for a child to survive, and for wellness You need at least 8 hugs a day! And by the way, not only for a child, but also for an adult.

We do not always follow our appeals to children. And the children literally understand our phrases such as: “You will drive me to the grave”, “You constantly interfere with me”, “How tired I am of you”, “How happy we were in our youth, before your birth”, “I sacrificed everything for you".

The more often the parents get annoyed with the child, scold him, criticize him, the faster he comes to the thought: "They don't like me." Arguments like: "I care about you" or "For your own good" children do not hear, because. tone for them more important than words. If usually the tone of the parent's voice is angry, strict, then the child feels bad, "not like that", unhappy.

Does this mean that parents should never be angry with their son or daughter? No. Hide and, moreover, save your own negative feelings by no means is it possible. Let's pay attention to

Rule #2

You can express your dissatisfaction with individual actions of the child, but not with the child as a whole.

You can condemn the actions of the child, but not his feelings, no matter how undesirable they may be.

Dissatisfaction with the actions of the child should not be systematic: otherwise it will develop into rejection.

Parents are prevented from accepting their child by the mood for education, which results in demands, criticism, reminders and lectures, in the struggle for obedience and discipline. But discipline should arise not before, but after the establishment of good relations, and only on the basis of them. The upbringing attitude can be associated with the desire to compensate for one's life failures, unfulfilled dreams, or the desire to prove to everyone one's indispensability or "the burden of the burden of parental duty."

Another reason that interferes with non-judgmental acceptance is the unconscious emotional rejection. For example, parents did not expect a child, he appeared at the "inappropriate" moment, or a child of the wrong sex, who was expected, or the birth and first days were too difficult, or he was born too painful.

How do we know if we are accepting our child? Try to count how many times a day you turned to your child with emotionally positive statements (greeting, approval, support) and how many with negative ones (reproaches, remarks, criticism) and compare the results.

Now close your eyes for a moment and imagine that you are meeting your best friend(girlfriend). How do you express your joy? Really own child makes us less happy with his appearance?

Now consider a situation in which your child is busy with something, but does something badly, "not right." Imagine a picture: the kid is enthusiastically fiddling with the mosaic. It turns out not very well: the details crumble, they are inserted into the wrong holes that the child wanted to get into, and the flower does not look like a flower at all. You want to intervene, help, show. And now you can’t stand it: “It’s not necessary, but like this.” But the child replies with displeasure: "But I didn't want it that way. I myself."

In general, different children react differently to the parent's "wrong", some become sad and lost, others are offended, others rebel. Why do children not like this kind of communication? Because we impose on the child "simplicity" where it is difficult for him. Let's look at one year old baby who is learning to walk. Here he unhooked from your finger, makes the first uncertain steps. At the same time, he sways, tensely moves his little hands. But he is happy and proud! Few parents would think to teach: "Is that how they walk? Look how you should!". Or: “Well, why are you all rocking? How many times have I told you: don’t wave your arms! Come on, go through again and properly.”

Critical remarks about a child who is learning something are also ridiculous. It is important to leave the child alone if he wants to do something himself and does it with pleasure.

Rule #3

It says: Do not interfere in the matter that the child is busy with, if he does not ask for help, by your non-intervention you will inform him: "You are all right! Of course you can handle it!"

If a child learns something himself, he will immediately achieve 4 results:

knowledge or skill
learning ability training
satisfaction and self-confidence
positive impact on relationships with parents.

We all focus on the 1st result more often, but the other three are more important for life. Of course, the question arises: “How can you teach if you don’t point out mistakes. Yes, this is necessary. But you need to be able to point out:

don't notice every mistake

it is better to discuss the mistake later, in a calm atmosphere

often the child himself knows about his mistakes, but he is already satisfied with the fact that something is working out and hopes that tomorrow it will turn out better.

The following algorithm will be suitable for parents:

choose a few things your child can do on their own, albeit not perfect
try not to interfere even once and approve the efforts of the child despite the result
remember 2-3 mistakes of the child that seemed especially annoying to you.
find right time and the tone to talk about them.

Rule #4

It would seem that it contradicts the third, but in reality, it complements it:

If the child is having a hard time and is ready to accept your help, be sure to help him.
If a child encounters a serious difficulty that he cannot cope with, then the attitude of non-intervention can only bring harm. Some parents, especially dads, try too hard to teach their children not to be afraid of difficulties and to be independent. If your son or daughter directly asks you for help or complains that “nothing works out”, “I don’t know how”, or they leave the business they started after the first failures, then they need help. All parents know that a preschooler can fasten buttons, wash his hands, put away toys, but he cannot organize his own affairs during the day. That is why the words are often heard: "It's time", "Now we will ...", "First we will eat, and then ...". But gradually the range of tasks that the child performs on his own increases due to those tasks that he previously performed with an adult.

Reminder for parents.

How to communicate with a child.

Rule number 1.

It is not necessary to interfere in the business in which the child is engaged, only if hedoes not ask for help.With your non-intervention, you will inform him: “You are all right! Of course you can do it yourself!”

Rule number 2.

If the child is really having a hard time and he ready accept your help, be sure to help him, even if you have to sacrifice your time. Important: take on only what he cannot do himself, and leave the rest to him to do on his own! As the child masters new actions, gradually transfer them to him.

Rule #3

Gradually and steadily take off your care and responsibility for the personal affairs of your child and transfer them to him! Trust your child!

Rule #4

You don't have to watch your child's every move. Let him face the negative consequences of his actions (or of his inaction). Only then will he grow up, be able to predict the consequences and become “conscious”!

Rule #5

If a child has an emotional problem, it is right to “actively” listen to him! This is exactly the moment when you can’t say “I would have your problems!”.

Rule #6

If the child's behavior causes you "negative" feelings and experiences, just tell him about it in the form of "I - statements": "I feel unpleasant when ...", "I feel offended if ...", "I feel so sad when …" etc.

Rule #7

Remove habitual or automatic reactions from your communication with your child: orders, commands; warnings, threats; morality, morality, etc.! Communication must be constructive.

Rule #8

Measure your own expectations against your child's abilities.Do not demand from him the impossible or difficult. Instead, see what you can change about the environment! The child must cope with his assignments and tasks, albeit with some effort.

Rule #9

In the life of every child, there must be rules (restrictions, requirements, prohibitions). But they should not be too many, It would be very good if they were flexible; - parental requirements should not come into direct conflict with the most important needs of the child. Rules (restrictions, requirements, prohibitions)must be agreed by adults among themselves;- the tone in which the requirement or prohibition is communicated should be more friendly and explanatory than imperative!

Rule #10

Rules and consequences must be formulated at the same time!

Rule #11

In case of violation of the rules, sanctions should be applied, not punishment! Sanctions follow misconduct immediately. And always and everywhere, parents voice that it is unpleasant for them to apply certain sanctions, but the child must understand what they followed.

PATIENCE TO YOU AND LOVE!

Instruction

At the moment of anger, irritation, parents often utter such words, for which they later become ashamed, label their children. Even more often, mothers and fathers do not notice at all what they say to the child in a bad mood. Eliminate phrases such as:
- “everyone has children, like children, only I don’t understand what”;
- “I’ll see about it again (I’ll find out), you will get it from me”;
- “you can’t do anything and you don’t know how”;
- "child (dirty, harmful)";
- "You have no brains" and so on.

Words with the prefix “not” addressed to the child have no power and the child either does not perceive them or does them out of spite, contrary to what was said. Therefore, instead of “do not jump”, it is better to say “go, son, calmly next to me.” Instead of "don't be mean," explain what exactly you don't like about his behavior.

Eliminate the mentoring, commanding tone from communication with the child. “Calm down quickly”, “get ready immediately”, “shut up”, and so on, other people would cause a negative, and for some reason, parents allow their child to be treated like that. The sudden emotional outburst of the parent leads the child to bewilderment, and he sincerely does not understand him. Choose other paths to get what you want.

You need to talk to your child a lot and often. Don't brush it off annoying questions about the knowledge of the world, explain in an accessible way, as frankly as possible. Read more to your baby and let him read books to you. Visit places that help develop the mental and thinking abilities of a child, such as a museum, exhibitions, dioramas, aquariums, a zoo, a theater. Having visited such a place, talk about it, explain to the child what seemed incomprehensible to him.

Remember that physical assault applied to a child is a primitive means of communicating with him and achieving his goal. Moreover, such methods of education are used by parents who do not know how to explain simple things to the child in words.

Do not brush aside the problems of the child, his bad mood saying, "Your problems are bullshit." By demonstrating their unwillingness to understand the things that are important for the child at the moment, parents risk losing his trust under more difficult circumstances in his life.

Tip 3: What phrases you need to say to children so that they grow up good

Responsible and loving parents try to raise their children as worthy people and universally developed personalities. And many understand that not only what needs to be done with children, but also what they need to say is of great importance.

Moms and dads read the necessary literature, watch programs that tell new and effective methods education. There are a few basic rules to follow. It is necessary to choose phrases and expressions with which parents are trying to raise a child. You need to understand that everything that parents say remains in the mind of the child. If the baby is praised and encouraged, he will grow self-confident.

What to say

When parents say: “You are great! You did great!” - the child wants to continue and complete the work begun.

If parents try to calm the child in failures: “Don't worry! Everyone makes mistakes and that's okay. IN next time you will definitely succeed!” - The child learns to accept defeat and draw the right conclusions from his mistakes.

It is necessary to tell the child as often as possible about his talents, praise drawings and crafts, ask him to do something else, then the baby will not be afraid to try something new, knowing that he succeeds in a lot.

You should definitely tell your baby: "Sit down next to me and tell me how your day went" - then mutual understanding and trust will never leave the relationship between parent and child. He will learn to share his thoughts and experiences, ask for advice.

When parents say: “Baby, I'm sorry. I was wrong ”- the child knows that truth is not on the side of authority and even adults are not ashamed to admit mistakes, on the contrary, this is a sign of strength.

Character, formed in an atmosphere of parental approval and support, will be the basis for a successful future life. It will be easy for such people to study and work, they are not subject to long experiences and depression.

Unwanted phrases

If a child is constantly criticized and told that he is a loser, he will never be confident in himself and in his actions. If parents want to teach their son or daughter something, it is better to discuss the actions, and not the baby himself.

You can not scold the child in front of others, so he feels humiliated. All educational moments must be carried out one on one, being on the same level with the eyes of the child.

You should never tell a child: “I'm tired of you!” - for a parent, this is momentary fatigue or anger, and the child takes such words literally and very deeply.

All the fears and insecurities of people begin in childhood. Likewise, self-confidence and positive attitude to the world is laid in childhood. It depends only on the parents what kind of worldview they give to their child.

Raising a child is no easy task. Sometimes it is difficult to resist irritation, seeing how a son or daughter does something not the way you want. However, throwing sharp phrases at a defenseless child is also not worth it. Psychologists identify 10 phrases that can cause moral trauma to children.

1. "You can not!" (you can't, you don't understand, etc.). Don't program your child to fail ahead of time. Appreciate any effort. If you see that it doesn’t work out, say calmly: “Can I show you my way ... (tying shoelaces, wiping off the table, etc.)?”.

2. "Who are you so slow in?!". Avoid harsh assessments of the character and physical data of the child, so as not to develop an inferiority complex later.

3. "Come on, stop crying!". By forbidding tears, you provoke the child to accumulate negative emotions which can lead to neurosis and hysteria. The dismissive tone of the phrase shows your indifference to the child's problem. It is better to calmly find out the cause of the child's tears and try to help.

4. "Go do something useful." By dismissing the child with this phrase, you make him think that all his actions earlier are aimless and not particularly important. If you so want to instill “useful” habits in your child, learn to spend time together more often and show by your own example what is good and what is bad.

5. “If you behave like that, I’ll give you to that uncle (aunt, orphanage, etc.)”. More than anything, children are afraid of being abandoned. Do not blackmail the child with his own fears. Explain in detail the rules of behavior in a given situation.

6.“Are you smarter than me?!” (“Don’t talk nonsense!” etc.). Very often, the child's attempts to challenge something end in parental anger: "How so, the eggs will still teach the chicken!" By imposing your dictatorship, you deprive the child of the ability to make independent decisions in the future. Learn to listen and agree with children's opinions.

7. "You are nothing but problems!" (“Because of you…”, “If not for you…”, etc.). It's like regretting aloud that a child was born at all. It is always difficult with children, but there are no hopeless situations. Do not shift your own impotence in upbringing onto fragile children's shoulders.

8. “Here is Vanya (Lena) then ...”. Constantly poking a child at other people's successes, you thereby humiliate his own achievements. Why would your son or daughter need to be like someone else? Grow a personality, not a copycat. There is also a reverse phrase: “You are the best!”, which also deprives the child of the opportunity to adequately assess his abilities.

9. “You will drive me to the grave!". With this phrase, you will instill in the child a constant sense of guilt for causing you so much suffering. Mother's love should not be selective: today I love, tomorrow I don't. Love any child, even if he broke your favorite vase or got another 2 in math.

10. "Tell your crazy father (mother)...". In quarrels or divorces, parents sometimes use their children as a means of blackmail, or as an ally in the fight. Hence the phrases: “Who do you love more?”, “Well, go to your daddy!” etc. Remember that children need both parents, and your family squabbles should not affect the child in any way.

Communicating with our child, we do not think about the fact that some of our phrases can be very Negative consequences for the gentle children's psyche and cause significant harm to the baby. What phrases should be avoided in a conversation with a child?

“If you don’t sleep, the grandmother will take it away”, “If you don’t obey, I’ll hand it over to Orphanage". By intimidating a child, we make a neurasthenic out of him and form fears, which then will not be easy to get rid of even with the help of a good one.

"Clutch! Let me do it myself!” By hindering the child's attempts to act independently, you cultivate lack of initiative, self-doubt and lack of independence in him.

“Look at Katya, how slim she is, and you still lean on buns ...”, “Misha studies for one five, and you are an idiot.” There is no need to compare your child with other children - this is how you can form in little man an inferiority complex, which in the future will bring him many problems and disappointments.

“You are my most beautiful”, “Your classmates are no match for you!” Overpraising a child is just as harmful as underpraising. The result of excessive praise is arrogance, inflated self-esteem and "star fever". Such "star" children often have conflicts with their peers and practically do not have friends.

"When you're so naughty, I don't love you." Mother's love- this is the basis on which a person's attitude is built, his ability to be happy. The child must be sure that he is loved always and under any circumstances. Otherwise, his self-confidence is undermined, resentment, fear and a sense of inferiority arise.

"If it wasn't for you, I would have done successful career"," If I didn't have to mess with you so much, I would look better. Do not place the responsibility for your failures on the fragile shoulders of a child, do not make him feel guilty that your life was not successful.

“Okay, take this candy - just leave me alone!” Giving in to the entreaties of the child, you give him power over you. By realizing that you can be "broken" by whining or whining, the child will begin to use them regularly to achieve his goals.

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