Uncontrollable child? Uncontrollable children: normal or pathological? Age crisis in a child. Parenting

The age crisis is an integral part of every child’s growing up. Gradually developing, the baby becomes more and more familiar with the world around him and his mental perception changes. The crisis should not be perceived as something negative. In psychology, this term means a transition to something new, a change in understanding of the world to a more adult one.

Several stages of childhood crises have long been identified - one year, three years, five years, seven and, finally, adolescence. All of these age categories are the most susceptible to changes in the psyche, and each child goes through these stages differently. The task of parents is to help the child overcome them.

Stages of psychological maturation

The earliest crisis in a child begins at the age of one year. It is at this time that the baby begins to actively explore the world. He already crawls, walks and wants to study literally every subject. The child does not yet understand that some things can be dangerous and does not distinguish them from others. He would love to play with a socket or a hot iron.

Parents should be as attentive as possible during this period of the child’s life. There is no need to physically punish him, since the baby already does not understand why there are so many restrictions around him. Calmly present the information to your child in the form of a game.

The best option to prevent interest in dangerous objects is not to let your child out of sight.

To keep the child as safe as possible, all games must be supervised by adults.

At three years old, the child already begins to identify himself, to understand that he is a separate, independent person.. He wants to do everything himself, including adult work. Do not interfere with this; let the child be an adult for a little while.

Ask him to wash the dishes and put away the toys. Children of this age willingly and happily provide any help. Try not to impose many prohibitions; it is better to offer a choice, so the child will feel that he is trusted.

Five years is a very difficult stage. There are several age-related features of this period:

1. Imitation of adults
2. Managing emotional behavior
3. Interest in new hobbies and interests
4. Desire to communicate with peers
5. Rapid character development

The child develops very quickly and often finds it difficult to cope with this.

Symptoms and causes of the crisis

A sharp change in the baby’s behavior, his reaction to the words or actions of adults is the first and most obvious sign of a transition to a new stage of development. At this age, watching their parents, the child wants to be as similar to them as possible. Probably everyone remembers how in childhood they wanted to grow up faster. But it is not possible to grow up quickly, and the child begins to get nervous and withdraw into himself because of this.

The baby’s brain is actively developing, he already knows what it is to fantasize. Children enjoy inventing imaginary friends and composing different stories. They successfully copy the behavior of mom and dad, distorting their facial expressions, gait, and speech. The age of 5 years is also characterized by a love of eavesdropping and spying; the child’s curiosity about the world around him grows.

It is important not to miss the moment when a child withdraws into himself

When a crisis occurs, the child withdraws; he no longer really wants to share his successes and failures with adults. The baby develops various fears, ranging from fear of the dark to the death of loved ones. During this period, children are extremely nervous and unsure of themselves, they are embarrassed by strangers, and are afraid to start communicating with them. They always think that adults won’t like them. Sometimes a child is afraid of the most ordinary things.

The baby's behavior changes completely in the opposite direction. A previously flexible child becomes uncontrollable, he does not obey, and shows aggression. Children can constantly whine, demanding something from their parents, cry, and throw uncontrollable tantrums. Irritability and anger very quickly give way to a good mood. When experiencing a crisis, children become very tired and many parents do not know what to do to return everything to normal.

The age of five is characterized by irritability and frequent mood swings.

One can understand parents who are faced with a child’s 5-year-old crisis for the first time. Confusion, even fear, is the main emotion at first. However, growing up is inevitable, and often parents, without understanding this, believe that the child is simply manipulating them. What needs to be done so that the baby can comfortably overcome a difficult stage?

Provide your child with a calm environment. In families where the parents themselves constantly argue, it will be morally difficult for the child to cope with his own internal problems. Try to get him to talk, to understand what’s wrong, what’s bothering him. Many children do not immediately make contact and begin to trust their parents with their secrets and fears. Think about how to calm the child and offer a joint solution to the issue.

Dr. Komarovsky gives some advice on how to behave when a child is hysterical:

Show attention to the baby, always be interested in him and his successes. Encourage him to help around the house, explaining why it is important to keep things clean. A calm explanation is the best way to let your child understand why simple duties are needed. A story about your own successes gives a very good result. Share them with your child, and you can also tell them about your fears.

Five years is no longer a baby that you have to follow everywhere. Give your child some freedom of action, show him that he can already be independent. If necessary, communicate with him as an adult; children really appreciate this. Always support him and don't scold him for mistakes. Having taken on a difficult task and failed, the child himself will understand that he was wrong to listen to the advice.

Actions “prohibited”

Often parents, faced with a crisis in their child, immediately begin to introduce a lot of taboos and restrictions, scream, get upset, and get offended. Under no circumstances should this be done. It is difficult to maintain composure in some situations, but it is still easier for an adult than for a child who still has little experience. With the correct reaction of adults to whims and hysterics, the crisis will not drag on for a long time.

There is no need to show the child your own aggression and anger at his actions, or get lost and panic during a hysteria. React calmly, sit down and just wait until the child calms down. Having lost the enthusiastic viewer, the children quickly come to their senses. After this, you can talk together and figure out the reason for the whims.

Remember, if you behave as aggressively as your baby, his behavior will only get worse.

Don’t control your child everywhere, try to overcome yourself and stop teaching him . A good option would be to come up with a responsibility together, which from now on will only be performed by the child.. For example, watering flowers. Explain that if you don't water them, they will wilt. Buying a pet is also a huge contribution to the development of independence in children.

Around the age of three, many children become uncontrollable, disobedient and capricious. Rarely does a parent turn a blind eye to such behavior in their offspring. What explains the child’s whims? So what should parents do?

Reasons for uncontrollability

Many parents periodically complain that the child behaves uncontrollably: he throws toys around, does not listen, and may throw a tantrum. If such behavior is rare for a child, then this is not completely uncontrollability; it is most likely caused by age-related characteristics.

It also happens that children behave quite quietly and obediently in a nursery or at a party, but at home they turn into little tyrants and literally drive the whole family crazy. In this case, the child’s behavior is explained by impunity and unwillingness to comply with the rules and requirements of the parents.

Also, one of the indicators of uncontrollability can be. Because for a hyperactive child, the state of uncontrollability is familiar. Such a child really cannot restrain himself, even if he really wanted to.

Who is a hyperactive kid?

A hyperactive child chaotically switches from one object to another, which happens to be in his field of vision, and does not complete a single task. The child often answers inappropriately, without thinking about the meaning of the questions, and does not listen to what is said to him. Therefore, you should not be surprised if, after you asked your child to collect the toys, he forgets about it after 2 minutes and goes about his business.

This behavior is associated with the mental and physiological characteristics of the child. Hyperactive children are usually diagnosed with MMD (minimal brain dysfunction). These are residual effects of organic brain damage. It occurs either when the child was still in the womb (for example, with severe toxicosis or), or during childbirth, or due to serious illnesses in the first months after birth.

Hyperactivity is a disease that needs to be treated. Whether this treatment will be medicinal or psychological and pedagogical depends on the cause of hyperactivity. But, in any case, the patient and persistent instillation of rules of behavior in a child is not canceled.

What to do if the child is uncontrollable?

Since chaos is raging in the child’s soul, parents need to streamline his life and inner world as much as possible. Such rambunctious children, more than all others, need to follow a strict daily routine. It is useful to post a detailed schedule on the wall and appeal to it as a given fact that does not depend on your will. This works well for many young children.

But before you create a routine, you need to take into account the characteristics of such a baby. In most cases, he simply cannot fulfill the demand or request immediately. Therefore, it is very important to warn him in advance that time is running out. In general, such children have to be asked several times. This is their peculiarity, and it must be taken into account.

Parents should get used to speaking measuredly and soothingly, without irritation or anger. Otherwise, in a family where both parents and children quickly get involved, constant scandals cannot be avoided.

An excitable child should dose impressions especially carefully. An excess of pleasant, bright events is also harmful for him. But you shouldn’t completely deprive him of entertainment and trips to interesting places. However, if you see that he is starting to get overexcited, it is better to leave. It’s okay that you don’t finish watching the play or circus performance. Just don’t present this departure as a punishment. It’s better to say: “You’re tired, let’s go, you need to rest.”

And one more piece of advice: an uncontrollable child needs the opportunity to throw out his energy. Sports, dancing, and outdoor games will help channel this energy into a peaceful direction.

Child psychologist Daria Selivanova: You cannot put your child on an equal footing with you in all situations. It is you who decide whether to go outside or not. With equality you only provoke the child to defend his point of view and subsequent scandals. At the same time, it is very important to find a balance between where you can give the child freedom of choice and where it a priori cannot be.

You can consult a psychologist

It is customary to call a child uncontrollable if he refuses to listen to his parents and do what he is asked. In reality, psychologists convince us that there are no uncontrollable children, there are simply parents who cannot find an approach to the youngest member of the family. There are reasons for so-called uncontrollability, and these reasons must be identified. Psychological illiteracy of mothers and fathers, reluctance to delve into the child’s consciousness can not only aggravate the situation, but also cause significant harm to the child’s mental state. The wrong approach to children's behavior can have consequences worse than its immediate causes.

Causes of child uncontrollability:

There are four main causes of child uncontrollability:

1) Features of physiological and mental development. Many people have heard about attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and the syndrome of the same name (ADHD). Behavioral disorders and disobedience are often explained by attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Here you cannot do without treatment and medical consultation.

2) Crises of certain ages. During certain periods, children experience critical turning points in their perception of the environment. These are: 2-3 years, 6-7 years and 10-15 years. During these age intervals, a sweet, kind and non-conflict child turns into something stubborn, hysterical and uncontrollable. At such moments, parents need to be especially attentive and sensitive. This is not a manifestation of bad behavior, but a feature of child development at one or another age.

3) The child’s internal discomfort also manifests itself in specific behavior. You need to try to understand what worries or unbalances the child, because... With his behavior, the baby is clearly “screaming” for help.

4) Inappropriate parental behavior. This is a type of behavior when adults unknowingly provoke children's whims or, even worse, indulge them. Even the most capricious and disobedient child was not born this way; more often than not, his parental upbringing makes him this way. In most cases, children become uncontrollable due to unreasonable contradictions in upbringing: excessive love is replaced by indifference, blanket permissions are replaced by categorical prohibitions, overprotection replaces indifference.

How can you correct children's behavior?:

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are usually accompanied by neurological changes and disorders of brain function. Uncontrollability becomes a problem not only for parents, but also for the children themselves. The child is filled with disorganized energy, excessive activity, and often has difficulty concentrating. Schoolchildren are not assiduous, it is difficult for them to listen for a long time, and their concentration is impaired. Antisocial behavior may predominate in adolescents. Methods of treatment and behavior correction in this case are selected by the doctor and strictly individually for each child.

Crises at different age periods are explained by maturation and the transition to a new, more complex stage of development. This is another step towards independence. No matter how much a child strives to become more independent, he needs control, protection and a sense of security. Parents should be ready to explain any of their prohibitions or justify their worries so that their beloved child does not feel a sharp invasion of personal space. It is dissatisfaction with the fact that the child is not perceived as an adult and independent that manifests itself in rude, uncontrollable behavior. A child who denies everything, deep down, expects parental advice and care, and not anger and irritability.

When the child is not satisfied with love, communication, attention or emotional support, he begins to experience internal discomfort. This is manifested by increased aggression, protests, complete or partial disobedience and other ways of sharpening attention to the internal state. The child provokes adults to certain responses, which determine whether such behavior will contribute to the achievement of children's goals and the realization of whims. When, with the help of hysteria and rebellious behavior, the child manages to achieve what he wants, this will be the first step towards conscious hysterical behavior. Attention is important for a child. It does not matter in what form it will manifest itself on the part of an adult. An emotional breakdown on a child due to his uncontrollable provocations is also a kind of attention from adults that was achieved. It makes sense to delve into the essence of children's disobedience and uncontrollability. Behavior will return to normal when the child receives the necessary psychological help from his parents.

Incorrect behavior of parents towards a child manifests itself in the inconsistency of requirements and rules. When tomorrow they allow something that was prohibited today, this involuntarily prompts the child to think that, in principle, absolutely everything can be done. The main thing is to find a trigger that will contribute to this. In searching for this hook, the child will not limit himself in anything. Capricious uncontrollability is a great way to manipulate adults. If adults follow the lead of unnatural child behavior, then the system is working and the child can continue in the same spirit. It should be noted that children behave differently with different family members. Consequently, when disobedience, whims and uncontrollability are observed only around the mother, it means that she is the one who behaves incorrectly with the child and something is going wrong in their relationship. When with grandmothers (grandfathers) - it means there is a problem in communicating with grandmothers (grandfathers), when with dad - it means in dad.

The child has become uncontrollable: what to do?:

All children are individuals and individuals. It is impossible to force all children into the same framework and give all parents the same advice. But choosing from all the advice something correct and effective for yourself and your child is quite possible.

There are 6 basic rules for the behavior of parents whose child has become uncontrollable:

1.   Parent sequence. Every parent must fulfill their promises, keep their word given to the child and not “swim” in prohibitions. A child is almost always ready to check whether what was prohibited yesterday is true and is also prohibited today. Parents must be firm and always confirm their prohibitions. The situation is the same with permissions - you cannot prohibit something that has always been permitted, because one of the parents is now out of sorts.

2.  Communication with the child on an equal basis. Respecting children's opinions and interests does not mean following the child's lead. Adults, when communicating with each other, always explain themselves and motivate. You also need to always justify your decisions to your child: “I don’t allow this and that because...”, and “this is allowed because...”.

3.   A solid daily routine, a clear schedule. Many requirements can be introduced as rules, so they do not require additional effort. Brushing teeth, making beds, putting away toys should become rules, not constant requests. You need to have endurance and patience until these actions become a habit. The more automatic actions there are, the less reason there will be to manipulate adults with disobedience.

4. If a child is stubborn, hysterical, or has an outburst of anger, you need to try to distract him with something (games, humor), start talking, and puzzle him with interesting questions. You need to try to smooth out children's negativity, and not spray it more with retaliatory irritation. 5.   Any disobedience or hysteria is intended for its audience. At the moment of such behavior, it is better to take the child to a separate room or leave on your own to give the grumbler the opportunity to calm down on his own. Only after calming down can you calmly talk about everything and kindly find out what was the matter and why the child was dissatisfied.

6. Small children must have absolute prohibitions: do not touch the iron, do not climb into the socket, do not play with matches. Strict prohibitions create a feeling of physical safety and emotional stability for a small child. In parallel with the prohibitions, you need to slowly expand the boundaries of independence, without interfering in the child’s affairs, believing that the prohibitions will not be violated.

Long holidays, when parents don’t go to work and kids don’t go to kindergarten, often become a serious test for families. A child deprived of the usual daily rhythm can be so uncontrollable that parents begin to doubt: is everything okay with him? Is it possible to call a two-year-old fidget hyperactive?

What does a hyperactive child look like?

Some children who are about to turn 2 years old can hardly be called hyperactive. Sometimes it seems that nothing can put an end to this, tension in the family increases, parents simply go crazy. Here's the description. Did you recognize one of your own in him?

Paul is sleeping, and the house is quiet and calm. Alas, this does not last long, since Paul is an early bird: he rarely stays in bed after 7 am. This is where the fun begins. Paul jumps on the bed, throws toys and screams with all his might. He is dying of hunger. And off we go!..

During breakfast, as soon as mom turns away, he turns over a glass of orange juice, followed by a plate of porridge. He refuses to bathe, you need to call him ten times before he deigns to return. His parents feel like he's ignoring them, and you have to scream all the time if you want to get his attention. After they managed to bathe him with grief, he refuses to get dressed...

He turns the most ordinary procedures - feeding, dressing, going to the store, bathing, walking, going to bed - into a real problem, a test for all family members. But the day has just begun.

Paul's games with his peers often end in fighting, crying and biting. As soon as he is denied something or his activity is interrupted, he flies into a rage, rolls on the ground and does something incredible; it all ends with the parents giving up, fearing that he might harm himself. He doesn't listen to his teachers, and he doesn't seem to understand what they're telling him. No matter how much you punish him, it will do no good!

After dinner, which Paul did not even touch, the endless ritual of going to bed begins. He calls his parents or gets out of bed ten times, and the day often ends in hysterics.

There are, of course, moments when Paul becomes an obedient boy, full of enthusiasm and fun, causing universal affection. I would like to hope that this will always be the case now, but in reality it will not be enough for a long time.

Do you recognize your baby?

Do you think I'm exaggerating? So much the better: it means your child is not acting that way. If Paul is simply unbearable, then many children his age are characterized by certain character traits that make life with them very difficult. If you find at least some similarity with your case, then know: nothing is irreversible. There are effective ways to teach your child to obey in order to make family life calmer. You will have to look at the situation from the outside to understand how things really are.

Childhood hyperreactivity syndrome has been very well studied. Among the characteristic symptoms is also attention disorder. However, many two-year-olds who are amazingly active and constantly switching from one activity to another are not actually susceptible to hyperreactivity as such.

If in doubt, contact a child psychologist who will advise you on which parenting strategy to choose. Let's make a reservation right away: difficulties in the learning process have nothing to do with mental level. These are just the adverse effects of problems with concentration, which can be overcome with the help of special exercises.

Three characteristic features

• The child behaves very actively, constantly moves, as if he never gets tired; and eventually gets overexcited and loses control. He keeps jumping from one activity to another, and he seems unable to obey or simply remain calm in one place for even a few minutes. Staying focused on a single task—like looking at a picture book—is too much for him.
• At the same time, he cannot stand it when you try to tear him away from something or take something away from him: he wants to decide for himself what he will do. He does not tolerate coercion, which makes it almost impossible to adhere to the daily routine: going to bed, as well as eating, turns into a real fight. Problems with eating and sleeping in such a child are far from uncommon.
• And such children are also very sensitive. They react sharply to any change in the surrounding atmosphere: they become stubborn, become overexcited, or suddenly throw a tantrum. Some slept poorly and cried a lot as babies. According to statistics from American researchers, such character traits are found on average four times less often in girls than in boys.

Raising a 2-year-old is not easy: keeping yourself in control all the time, not being nervous, doing many things at the same time... and not blaming yourself for anything. So you should never be afraid to talk about it or even ask for help.

I can't cope

Living with a child like the one described above is very difficult: this affects both his brothers and sisters and his parents; However, the first person to suffer is the mother, who always finds herself at the epicenter of a raging hurricane. The child constantly plays on her nerves, but she dreams of calmly hugging the baby and expects understanding and participation from him. In fact, she has to spend all her free time on prohibitions and reprimands. She can’t make him obey, and the strength of his persistence squeezes all the juice out of her.

This is how a feeling of guilt arises: “I can’t cope with it,” the mother thinks. “Other children don’t behave like that...” Then anger appears: “Yes, he’s deliberately pissing me off. Provokes me at every opportunity." There are often cases when other family problems add fuel to the fire, heating the situation to the limit and leaving no stone unturned for patience and goodwill.

Try to figure it out

The situation needs to be analyzed. Here are questions to ask yourself.

• Who is responsible for the general atmosphere in the family? Who is the head in this house? Is it good or bad?
• What elements of a child's behavior are unacceptable? And which ones you can ignore, you can’t fight on all fronts? Do both parents agree on this?
• What child behavior turns you on? Try taking three deep breaths in and out before you start screaming. Maybe find a more suitable or more effective course of action?
• In what situations does everything turn into drama? Can you avoid them for a while? For example, should we stop taking our child with us to the store or should we all eat together at the same table?
• Does your child behave more appropriately when he is with other adults rather than with you? If so, what are they doing differently?
• What levers could you use to control your baby, in addition to those that you currently use and which, apparently, have shown themselves to be ineffective?
• What plan of action, different from what you have, could you come up with after discussing it with your partner to improve the situation?

How to behave

Especially active and naughty children need increased attention and confidence. You must make their life as stable as possible. You can avoid most conflicts only by establishing clear order and daily rituals. It is worth entrusting the child with a certain range of tasks that he could perform himself. This will not only help him gain self-confidence, but also make him feel useful and responsible for something.

Discussion

Well, shouting certainly won’t help you here, try to walk with him more and over time he’ll just start to get tired

I used to not understand when mothers shouted at their children on the street or somewhere else, but now, being the mother of a Hyperactive child, I only sympathize with them.
My child sometimes throws such ostentatious tantrums that it is impossible to calm him down without screaming. I checked the option “calm down”, “leave alone”.... But then the hysteria can last more than an hour, which is much more harmful than me shouting once and stopping it.

Oh, I should take note. Lately there have been a lot of hyperactive children, I see how mothers suffer with them. Only I thought that they were prescribed special drugs, sedatives, and that this could be treated. It turns out that a child will always be like this; special approaches to education are needed.

Comment on the article "Uncontrollable child: 7 questions for parents"

30 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF BOYS 1. Do everything to ensure that your son has a full-fledged father. If a woman is unable to live together with a man, but he is not burdened with serious moral vices and bad habits, fully promote intensive contacts between the son and his father and his relatives 2. Protect the authority of the men around him, do not undermine it in vain with disparaging remarks and rude shouts, especially on minor occasions. 3. Encourage communication with...

Adolescence is a difficult time for children and their families. At this age, the usual relationship with parents changes dramatically. A once obedient child becomes uncontrollable, harsh, or, on the contrary, withdrawn and distant. He has new friends, hobbies, interests. And it becomes more and more difficult to control every day. Such changes in behavior cause anxiety among parents. Often parents do not understand or do not accept the changes in their growing child. Peculiarities...

Remember the Bible parable? “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach him to fish and he will eat forever.” Here are a few skills of parents whose children know how to solve their own problems: 1. Parents of independent children stand behind them to solve the problem together, and not instead of the child. Raise your children so that they can cope with their problems without outside help. 2. Parents of independent children ask questions no less often than they offer ready-made answers When asking questions about...

1. Question No. 1: “Am I raising obedient or successful?” 2. When your child doesn’t listen to you, remember question No. 1. 3. Even the little one knows better than his mother whether he is warm or cold, whether he wants to eat or not, whether he likes something or not. 4. Children copy their parents. There is no point in scolding for the shortcomings that they took from you. 5. Give your child choices more often. For example: what (and how much) to eat, what to play, where to go for a walk... This is how he learns. 6. If possible, do not interfere with negative experiences...

QUESTION: Help with advice. My eldest son will turn 13 in October. And we cannot influence him. Everything is bad at school, teachers complain that he disrupts lessons, speaks loudly in class, laughs, classmates also complain about him, that he fights, swears, etc. He doesn’t want to study, he does his homework with difficulty, he rolls the answers off the answer book , in my head just to walk. That's the only thing he loves - walking. His friends are only in the yard, he has no friends at school, he communicates with some guys...

In my teaching practice, I observe how parents, who are fairly self-realized, socially adapted, wealthy, and know how to do a lot of things, are increasingly turning to psychologists for help and advice regarding the peculiarities of raising their, in general, very smart, active, inquisitive children. The process of raising a child is “jammed” and has reached a dead end. The child's symptoms are very rich. The child commands everyone in the family, his imperious “And I want, but I said!!!” often heard throughout the house...

Is it true that exemplary parents sometimes grow up to be completely uncontrollable, hyperactive children? Of course, this does not happen by chance, because children do not always become copies of their own parents. Children do not inherit their parents’ qualities; they very often have completely different character traits, habits and desires. And this is natural, because children are born not according to the principles that the apple does not fall far from the tree, but according to the shortage of individuals of a certain type in a conditional flock. Here...

“It is incorrect to say that children began to read less than their parents at their age,” says school psychologist Natalya Evsikova, “they simply read different literature.” Does this mean that we worry in vain? “When forcing children to read, parents often go too far and easily “get the taste,” continues Natalya Evsikova. – Parental pressure, as a rule, begins simultaneously with the start of first grade, but gradually the style of relationships based on coercion becomes...

Almost every parent is accustomed to the fact that his authority in the family should be indisputable. The child, in turn, must unquestioningly obey the mother’s prohibitions and the father’s assault. But an inadequate ban and restriction gives rise to another wave of indignation, and hitting the ass with a belt only intensifies confrontation. Everyone says: “You just have an uncontrollable child.” System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan gives a clear definition of this behavior. A little leader is growing in your family, for...

Many parents often hear: “You have an inattentive child,” “all the mistakes in the text are due to inattention.” And the parents themselves most likely notice that their child cannot concentrate on one topic, is often distracted, can skip letters when reading, make mistakes and not notice them, ask a question on one topic and immediately jump to another. All this is carelessness. A kindergarten teacher, teacher, or psychologist can help you determine if your...

Education in this matter requires parental self-discipline. But it works. It helped us a lot with our son. Well, plus consultations. The psychologist will see the child once, and the parents will live with him every day.

Uncontrollable girl - I ask for advice! I will briefly describe the initial data: the girl is 11 years old, the middle child of three, a complete family, there were no parental divorces, stress, deaths or other shocks in her life, we do not live in Russia (Europe), the girl was born here.

That's right, they don't need to talk to the child. They have questions for the teacher and administration. Maybe call the garden and ask if they need it? And it is categorically prohibited to interrogate a child without parents.

The situation is this: in my daughter’s first grade there is a boy with inappropriate behavior, completely uncontrollable. And blame everything on the dissatisfied parents of other children. And then, registering a child for home schooling is not so easy.

Help! Uncontrollable child.. Child-parent relationship. Child psychology. I had several situations with my husband's parents. The child stayed with them and did not obey, misbehaved, and was rude (they themselves encourage this to some extent).

I have an uncontrollable dictator, when I think that he will grow up and new miscarriages will appear) the hair on my head begins to move. +1 maybe such a child is very convenient for parents, but still a child should be inquisitive, that’s another matter...

Raising a child from 7 to 10 years old: school, relationships with classmates, parents and Here from time to time the question is “what to do with an uncontrollable classmate. What is better for school, an uncontrollable child or a parent-member :) I come to the conclusion that a member is better.

Uncontrollable child! Cry from the heart!. Relationships with parents. Child from 7 to 10. 7 Ya.ru - information project on family issues: pregnancy and childbirth, raising children, education and career, home economics, recreation, beauty and health, family relationships.

Uncontrollable child in class. Tell me how to get rid of an uncontrollable and aggressive child in the class if all methods of influencing him and his parents have been exhausted.

Uncontrollable age? I appeal to all experienced parents! 7 ya.ru - information project on family issues: pregnancy and childbirth, raising children, education and career, home economics, recreation, beauty and health, family relationships.

At some point, parents notice that their child is completely uncontrollable. This can happen at three years old, and at five, or even at nine. It is difficult to withstand whims, hysterics and other manifestations of disobedience. Few fathers and mothers are ready to tolerate this. How to explain the uncontrollable behavior of a child and what to do with it? You will find the answers in our article.

View from the outside

Who is an uncontrollable child? This is a child who does not comply with the requirements and rules of his parents, who does not obey them.

Let's remember what uncontrollable behavior of a child looks like from the outside. For example, imagine that a child is rushing like a tornado through a children's psychological center. It seems that he is in several places at the same time. He climbs everywhere, touches everything, tugs, pulls, addresses people he meets without waiting for an answer. When grabbing valuable objects and receiving comments, he reacts inappropriately, aggressively, rushes into a fight or shrugs it off and rushes on, threatening to break something. In such situations, mothers are usually completely at a loss: they don’t want to be heartless and cruel to the child, but they can’t do anything to stop the disorder.

It happens that the child seems to have calmed down and shown obedience, but after some time everything becomes the same again: the baby does not obey, those around him are unhappy, the parents are shocked.

And it happens that children behave quite quietly and peacefully, at school or at a party, but at home they turn into real hooligans and practically destroy the whole family with their behavior.

What could cause such demonstrative behavior?

Let's consider the reasons

The reasons for children's uncontrollability are different:

1. Congenital developmental features (psychophysiological). Experts most often point to hyperkinetic syndrome, which is expressed in excessive involuntary movements. This pathology manifests itself in the form of behavioral disorders. Unfortunately, in such cases, parents do not always rush to see a doctor, although in this case treatment is simply necessary.
2. Age crisis. If you notice that a child regularly does not listen at all, and reacts to comments with hysterics, then most likely the reason for his uncontrollability is age-related crises (from one year to three, six to seven years, adolescence). Age-related crises occur in all normal children. Reacting to events in his life with hysterics and whims (at a younger age), stubbornness and laziness (at an older age), the child grows and learns about the world, discovering a new understanding of it, realizing the limits of permissibility. During these periods, parents just need to be more attentive to their children.
3. Unhappy child. Internal troubles can cause a child to become uncontrollable. In this case, the child’s behavior, which is difficult to control, is the child’s cry for help. By his behavior, the little rebel demonstrates to adults that he has problems.
4. Misbehavior of parents. Parents who do not have enough pedagogical knowledge and experience may behave incorrectly towards a rebellious child: provoke him, encourage whims, etc. A child is not born bad. He simply behaves as his parents allow him to. The child’s behavior is affected by whether we allow or prohibit, allow or restrict, whether we are attentive to him or indifferent.

“This may be useful. Parents’ confidence in their actions and consistency in their demands on the child, a clear idea of ​​what is possible and what is not, is the key to obedience and adequate behavior.”

Most often, it is the pedagogical illiteracy of parents, their reluctance to devote time to raising a child, that underlies children's uncontrollability.

What to do about hyperactivity?

It happens that the reason for a child’s uncontrollability lies in his hyperactivity. For a child with increased activity, a state of uncontrollability is common. Such children, even with all their desire, cannot restrain themselves.

What to do with hyperactivity?

1. We are studying the issue of hyperactivity. First, parents should understand this issue by finding out what manifestations of behavior are characteristic of hyperactive children. Such children are distinguished from ordinary ones by too free behavior and disobedience. They do not respond to prohibitions and requests, and also do not know how to manage emotions and desires. These characteristics are the basis of their restlessness, contradictions and fears. Being in constant logical tension causes emotional damage to the child, which makes both the child and his parents feel bad.
2. Let's show calm. Remember what gives rise to aggression. If you do not restrain yourself in relation to your child, you will not be able to come to an agreement with him, but will only worsen the scandal. Restrain your emotions (after all, we are adults too), be consistent in your actions and decisions. Seeing your calm behavior, the baby will cry and calm down.
3. We introduce a clear daily routine. Hyperactive children need to be busy with something all the time. Make a small bright poster with the daily schedule and place it in the child’s field of view. Write down how much time is allocated for each activity. Don't forget to remind him of his responsibilities.
4. We give it to sports. The best way to use the excessive energy of a hyperactive child is to enroll him in a sports section. The child should enjoy playing sports. In the process of training, he will not only throw out negative energy and accumulated aggression, but also learn to maintain discipline.

If none of the described methods helps or is not suitable, it is better to consult a psychologist or doctor: the reason for uncontrollability may lie in a congenital brain disease.

Parental behavior patterns

“Did you know that there are no uncontrollable children, but there are parents who cannot cope with their child?”

When the baby grows up, he begins to fight for attention to himself, for. Most often this occurs in the form of various protests against guardianship and supervision, demands, strictness or, conversely, indifference of parents. These patterns of parental behavior only stimulate children's disobedience and develop their capriciousness.

One of the most common reasons for a child’s uncontrollable and demonstrative behavior is insufficient attention from parents. The fact that parents do not pay attention to the child or do not spend enough time with him can encourage him to behave inappropriately. There is nothing worse for children than indifference. So they try to attract attention to themselves.

Problems arise in families where mom and dad are inconsistent in their demands: they don’t keep promises; today they allow, and tomorrow they allow; dad says one thing, mom says the exact opposite, and grandma says the third. A child from such a family will easily manipulate adults, staging entire performances. Parents must agree on a common upbringing tactic, decide what is allowed for the child and what is not, and outline the boundaries of what is allowed.

"Advice. An adult must remember that he is the main initiator of building a relationship with a child.”

We feel sorry for mom

It’s such a pity for those parents who just can’t cope with an uncontrollable child. You can often hear unpleasant words addressed to the mother of a little fidget. People around them consider such mothers to be indifferent to raising their own child, unable to influence him, calm him down, or explain the rules of behavior. It’s easy to say that: after all, this is someone else’s child. It is difficult for others to put themselves in the mother’s place. And once you put it on, you can only feel insane tension, fatigue, and despair.

Depending on the psychological characteristics of the mother, she may perceive an uncontrollable child differently. One of them will react to stress with protective inhibition, outwardly showing indifference, but internally being very worried. Another mother, on the contrary, will control every step of the tomboy, feeling annoyed and showing irritability. Both styles are far from the best options.

When a mother is ashamed of her child's violent behavior, this is a sure sign. She realizes the problem, tries to find a way out of it, looks for reasons in herself. If the mother justifies the child in everything he does, blaming caregivers, teachers, children and other surroundings for the existing problems, then she does not perceive the situation adequately. Such a mother has a distorted idea of ​​social norms of behavior; she is unable to change the situation for the better. This mother will easily instill in her child the idea of ​​the hostility of the world, sowing fears in his soul. And hyperactive children are already characterized by increased anxiety.

In any case, others should treat with understanding a mother who has such a problem child, because this is not an easy test. And the optimal way to start solving a problem for a mother should be love for the child, however, not thoughtless, but aimed at positive upbringing.

What to do if your child is uncontrollable

In most cases, uncontrollable behavior can be controlled, albeit with difficulty. Let's see what can be done at each specific age:

1.5-2 years. It is better to make a list of your requirements for your child from early childhood and monitor their fulfillment. At this age, a child can be influenced by any method that works: distraction with a bright toy or sweets, an interesting game. , does not put away toys - this will continue until you change his attitude towards these matters. Remember: it is not you who depend on the baby, but he who depends on you. For children, the rule of “absolute prohibition” should work, which must be strictly observed. For example, do not go near the stove or iron under any circumstances.

3-4 years. At this age, the baby learns to be independent, he wants to do everything himself. Children explore what is possible and what is not. If they behave well, their parents approve of them with smiles. If not, no big deal. Pay attention to what your baby is doing well and praise him more often. With the help of encouragement, you can change your baby for the better. The task of parents is not to scold (and under no circumstances beat) their children, but to gently guide them, showing them how to behave well.

6-7 years. This is a period of intensive development of the child’s cognitive processes, as well as entry into a new society - school. The child begins to study intensively, gets used to the new daily routine, and tries to establish relationships with classmates. Parents need to be attentive to their child, help them get involved in the learning process, overcome communication difficulties, and support them.

9 years and older. Around this age, hormonal changes begin that can affect the child's behavior. The student grows, his interests change, he develops physically and emotionally. You need to work with teenagers in a special way, because parental solidarity and understanding are important to them. Cultivate an optimistic spirit. Find common hobbies and spend weekends together. Be an authority figure for your child.

If parents work not only on their children, but also on themselves, thinking about methods of education, then they will achieve success and overcome the child’s uncontrollability.

How to find an approach

To prevent or correct a child’s uncontrollable behavior, we suggest following a system of rules:

1. Be consistent. Learn to keep your word to your child and fulfill your promise. Do not violate the established ones.
2. Be firm in your prohibitions. A child may feel weak if something is not allowed in the morning, but in the evening it is already possible.
3. Communicate with your child as equals. Respect the child’s opinion, value his personality, take his opinion into account. When you refuse something, explain why.
4. Develop a daily routine. And make sure your child adheres to it. This will teach the child discipline and order and reduce protests to a minimum. Be close to your baby, teaching him daily activities. Repeat the steps again and again. It will take a long time before he learns to follow the regime of his own free will.
5. Do not Cry. A child is a small person who wants to be respected. Therefore, be respectful to the baby, do not raise your voice, do not scold, do not blame, do not hit.
If hysteria happened

• You can sit the baby on your lap, hug him, talk to him tenderly, looking into his eyes, until it passes.
• You need to distract the child with something neutral, use humor and affection. When the child calms down, you need to calmly explain to him that this cannot be done.
• Leave the room during the tantrum. The performance is always aimed at the audience.

The main thing in working with children's uncontrollability is that your efforts, restrictions and prohibitions should be united by the power of parental love, care and confidence that you are raising the child for the good.

conclusions

When faced with a child's uncontrollability, parents need to think about what is bothering the child, what is the real reason for this behavior, and how he can be helped. If parents are attentive to the child’s problems, his behavior will return to normal. Be mindful of your behavior. A child learns everything from his parents. Therefore, try to become a role model.