Why children steal and how to wean a child from a bad habit. What to do if a child steals money from parents: advice from a psychologist

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Why do children steal

There are many reasons that push a child to steal. Let's try to structure them and outline the most basic messages.

1. Stealing as a side effect. The child is often lonely and lacks communication with his mother. He steals because he gets maximum attention after this incident. All family members give up their activities and begin a joint search for the loss. The director of this entire performance is a child who desperately needs communication.

2. Stealing as an imitation of authoritative parents. Mom and dad can’t do wrong, the kids are sure. Their actions are always correct and reasonable. Therefore, if a child often sees his parents bringing a “badly lying thing” into the house, he will most likely decide that there is nothing reprehensible in stealing other people’s things.

3. Stealing as a way to satisfy one's needs. This is the most severe form of child theft, characteristic of little spoiled egoists, often the only children in the family. Envy of a friend's toys, which the child does not have, will sooner or later push him onto the path of theft.

4. Stealing as entertainment. This form is typical for teenagers who want to demonstrate their coolness to their peers at all costs. But sometimes 3-4 year olds also steal for fun.

My son is 3.5 years old. For 3 months he has been stealing toys from kindergarten and taking them home. And he climbs the cabinets! When I ask why he does this, he says: “We have to!” We tried not to pay attention, simply brought the toys back and quietly placed them on the “lost and found table.” Then they started scolding. Does not help! We are afraid that in the future this may turn into something serious! He seems to understand everything! He agrees that it’s bad, but still continues to steal.

Children live in a fantasy world and sometimes do not separate reality from fiction. They often bring other people's toys from the playground or from kindergarten and, in the literal sense, this act cannot be classified as planned theft. Children under 4 years old do not distinguish between “mine” and “someone else’s” things. A toy you like unconsciously ends up in the hands of a child. And he takes it home, not thinking that the toy has a rightful owner.

Children 5-6 years old already realize that an item belongs to another person. However, they are not always able to restrain the natural impulse to possess the item they like.

Parents, as a rule, turn a blind eye to the fact that the child has appropriated a cheap toy and, in a panic, return the expensive one. Although, in fact, the very fact that a child calmly takes other people’s things without asking is an alarming sign and you need to react to it no matter what.

At the age of 5, children are characterized by selfishness. Often they are not even interested in who owns the thing they like. They just take it for themselves and that’s it. Parents' task: explain that every toy has an owner and you cannot touch a thing without permission.

Sometimes a child refuses to return a stolen item because he is convinced that it is ownerless. “I found her! She’s mine!” the child stubbornly insists, clenching the toy in his fists. Parents should explain that lost things also have owners. And, perhaps, the little owner is now very upset, crying, because he cannot find the loss.

Inaction of parents in this matter can form an initially incorrect model of behavior in the child’s mind. Harmless theft of 3-4 year old children can develop into a lifestyle in the future. There are many cases where a 5-year-old child caught stealing says that he did it to give his mother a gift. Since his parents did not explain to him in a timely manner “what is good and what is bad,” he does not realize that he is committing a bad act and was guided by a good goal - to please mom or dad.

“Guard, my child is stealing!”

So, what should parents do if their children bring other people's things into the house?

First, understand the root cause of his action. Maybe parents are inattentive to the child’s needs and, seeing the “rich property” of their peers, your child feels deprived? Or he stole an item that he had been asking to buy for a long time and to no avail, but having been refused without a compelling argument, he decided to “get” the toy in the only way available to him. In any case, the stolen item must be returned.

One day my daughter brought a small mold in her sweater pocket. Why she needed it, who knows, but I only found it at home, when they took off the jacket. There was a very serious conversation (3 years old). She realized, admitted her guilt, and in the morning she took it to the teacher and apologized. This never happened again.

Analyze the child's behavior. Did he bring it openly or secretly? Did you take the toy on the sly or did you “agree” amicably with the owner? It happens that at this age a child takes a toy from a peer in order to prove his leadership, strength and power over a weaker peer.

Psychologists advise taking pity on a child caught stealing. Then he will feel ashamed, they say. Experts recommend explaining the badness of this act through the prism of the experiences of another participant in the situation - a child who has lost a toy. Tell him how he worries about the “lost” thing.

What exactly should parents not do, even if cases of seemingly innocent thefts have become more frequent? Don't threaten or yell at your child. This behavior is unlikely to turn the child away from the habit of taking someone else’s property without asking. However, he will understand that it is better to hide this fact from mom and dad so that they do not quarrel. Don't call him a juvenile thief. Insulting a person has never brought a positive result. Remember the old saying “if you call a child a fool, he will eventually become one”? In the case of theft, the effect will be similar. Stop comparing your baby with other, more obedient children. There is no need to try to shame the child for this offense.

Finally, remember the main pedagogical rule: “scold in private, praise in public.” There is no need to give a public “spanking” to a child who takes away other people’s things. Talk to him at home without witnesses.

Experts point out that theft can be a symptom of trouble within the family. Therefore, if a child increasingly wears other people’s toys, do not rush to take the plunge. It may be worthwhile to work on strengthening family ties, forming traditions, and establishing a favorable microclimate.

The age before is the time when theft is not fully conscious and can still be corrected. We'll soon talk about how to act for parents of younger schoolchildren who cannot cope with the desire to take someone else's.

Cases of child theft are not that rare. Almost every child has taken something that belongs to someone else at least once in their life. The reaction of the parents plays a big role in this situation. Whether this situation will happen again depends on the reaction of the parents. But in any case, you need to deal with the reason. In each age group, the reasons for theft may be different.

The age of 4-6 years is the age of formation of moral habits, but this does not mean that they have already been established. As a rule, children are already able to distinguish between “mine” and “not mine” and have the concept of personal space and personal property. But, on the other hand, it is often difficult for a child to curb the impulsiveness of his desires, and this can lead to theft.

Voluntary behavior, subject to internal social norms, is usually formed by the age of 6-7 years. But some children have difficulty with this. Typically, these children are more active and excitable; it is difficult for them not only to restrain their desires, but also to simply sit calmly in class and listen carefully to the teacher. The cause of impulsivity may be temperamental characteristics (increased activity), and temporary neurotic reactions to any mental trauma (divorce of parents, moving, entering school), and serious mental disorders (for example, mental retardation).

In older children (from 8 to 10-11 years old), theft is often associated with insufficient development of the volitional sphere: the child has a hard time responding to his “I want!” firmly say “no!” to yourself. It is very difficult for such children to cope with temptation, although they feel shame for their action. The child knows that stealing is wrong, but is unable to resist his “want” and commits theft.

For a teenager (12-15 years old), theft is already a conscious step, and maybe even a bad habit.

The motives for theft can be very different and it is important to understand the reasons.

Psychological portrait of a “thief”

Research by psychologist E.H. Davydova, conducted in families of children who steal, showed that theft is often a child’s reaction to traumatic life circumstances.

M. Kravtsova confirms that in families of children who steal, there is emotional coldness between relatives. A child from such a family either feels that he is not loved, or in early childhood experienced a divorce from his parents, and although the relationship with his father is preserved, he sees alienation, even hostility, between his parents.

If you draw up a psychological portrait of a child who steals, then, first of all, what attracts attention is his goodwill towards others and his openness. As a rule, these are insecure, vulnerable children who need support and emotional acceptance from loved ones.

The child’s attempts to restore the lost connection with his parents often become the cause of theft. A child can use theft to gain attention from his parents. Let this attention be negative. The main thing is that the child will receive this attention.

M. Kravtsova notes that these children gave the impression of being dependent and infantile.

Often thieves are distinguished by insufficient development of will. Some children understand that they are doing something reprehensible, some children appropriate someone else's property without even thinking about the consequences. They take the hands they like and help themselves to other people's sweets without asking. When committing “thefts,” children do not put themselves in the place of the “victim” and do not imagine her feelings, unlike a child who takes revenge on his “offenders” by stealing.

Let's talk in more detail about the reasons for child theft. Recommendations to parents and advice on further prevention of these situations will depend on understanding the cause in each specific case.

What are the reasons for children's theft?

M. Kravtsova conventionally identifies three main reasons for child theft:

1. A strong desire to own the thing you like, despite the voice of conscience.
2. Serious psychological dissatisfaction of the child.
3. Lack of development of moral ideas and will.

Let us describe in more detail and specifically the most common causes of child theft.

1. We have already described one of the reasons - trouble in the family sphere, lack of parental love, desire to attract attention. Perhaps the parents are too focused on their own affairs, perhaps there is trouble in the marital relationship, perhaps a younger brother (sister) was born and he (she) is now destined for most of the parental love. The child feels lonely and abandoned, it seems to him that his parents pay less attention to him, or that they do not love him, or that they are unfair to him. And then he can take money or some other thing from his mother’s bag, but always in such a way that the loss is easily detected. The child doesn’t really need the money itself. Theft, in this case, is a means to attract the attention of parents, a cry for help. It happens that, not finding support and understanding in the family, a child begins to steal outside the family. One gets the feeling that he is doing this to spite his always busy and dissatisfied parents or to take revenge on his more prosperous peers.

For those children who seek the attention of their parents through theft, noisy scandals and severe punishments only convince them of the correctness of their chosen strategy.

When you are punished, it is still better than when you are not noticed at all. In such cases, it is recommended to ignore the fact of theft or treat it as an ordinary event. Parents need to communicate more with the child, be sure to approve of his actions (if there is even a small reason). It is necessary for the child to develop a sense of self-worth, recognition, acceptance in the family and understanding, to make it clear that it is better to do actions approved by parents and society than negative ones.

2. Theft can happen way of self-affirmation, which is also evidence of the child’s psychological distress. In this way he wants to attract attention to himself, to win someone’s favor (with various treats or beautiful things). If a child lacks parental attention, lacks recognition, a sense of significance in his family, he may try to look for this in peer groups. E.H. Davydova notes that the condition for happiness for such children is the good attitude of their parents towards them, good attitude towards them in the class, the presence of friends and material wealth. For example, a child who stole money from home and bought candy with it gives it to other children in order to buy their love, friendship, and good attitude. The child increases his own importance or tries to attract the attention of others in the only possible way, in his opinion. This can be done by older preschoolers and younger schoolchildren. In adolescence, “theft of prestige” and theft “on a bet” may occur due to the desire to establish themselves in the group.

A global solution to this problem should be sought in the relationship between parents and child.

It is necessary to work with the reason - and the reason here is low self-esteem, undeveloped communication skills. It is also worth discussing the topic of “friendship”, talking about how to properly meet guys, how to interest them, etc. - all this needs to be explained to your child, and if necessary, then play out the corresponding situations with him. It is also worth explaining that it is unlikely that you will be able to gain authority from a group of peers in this way; there are other, more worthy ways to do this. You can, for example, organize a children's holiday (party, a joint trip to a picnic), invite the child's friends. At the same time, it is important to emphasize to friends the importance of the child, to show him respect, to show how the child is taken into account.

It is important to identify a child’s abilities and talents - this greatly increases self-esteem in the child himself and in the eyes of his peers.

3. A child may steal a toy that was boasted to him for a long time, he was offended. He stole to take revenge on the offender. “I’ll take Sashka’s car because he beat me,” the child reasons. In this case, it is important to help the child develop the correct position and behavior in such situations. That is, the child understands well what he is doing and why he is doing it. The fight against theft of this kind is carried out in the same way as in the previous case with the help of explanation, persuasion, and by playing out conflict situations.

You can play out scenes with kids where toys solve similar problems. This type of theft is typical for older preschoolers and younger schoolchildren.

4. The child cannot understand which things are his and which are strangers. Such misunderstanding is typical for a child when he is 2-4 years old. It is necessary to explain this to him in each specific situation, so that the baby knows the boundaries of his own and someone else’s (including members of his family). Parents should tell him about this more than once; it is better to accompany his story with an analysis of a specific situation, and to make it clearer for the child, draw his attention to the experiences of a person who has lost something.

It is important that the child has his own crib, his own corner, his own toys. When there is no concept of “mine,” it is difficult to comprehend the concept of “alien.”

It happens that these concepts are not formed even at an older age, which may indicate intra-family problems.

5. A child may like a toy so much, and he wants to own her that he doesn't even realize he stole her.

This can happen when a child's needs are often ignored by parents. In this case, parents should pay attention to those needs that the child is not meeting. It is important that the child’s stable, constant desire for something is at least partially satisfied, and does not cause severe stress or anxiety. The exceptions are momentary desires, for which the child really has no need. This occurs in preschoolers.

In older children (from 8 to 10-11 years old), theft with such motivation is often associated with insufficient development of the volitional sphere: the child has a hard time responding to his “I want!” firmly say “no!” to yourself. It is very difficult for such children to cope with temptation, although they feel shame for their action. The child knows that this is theft, that stealing is wrong, but is unable to resist his “Want” and commits theft. The main recommendation in this case is the following: never do for a child what he is already able to handle on his own. It is also useful to encourage your child to set goals and achieve them. Start with short-term goals: where are we going? what will you do today? And do not change his program, let the child implement it. This is an important quality: the ability to set a goal for yourself and fulfill it.

6. Desire make a gift to someone close (usually parents). This reason is also related to the lack of understanding of the negative assessment of theft. The child strives in one way or another to please his mother - and the fact that he is doing wrong simply does not occur to him. It's worth explaining this to him.

7. The child can imitate adults, copy their behavior.

Perhaps someone in the family brings something home from work and talks about it.

Perhaps parents at home are discussing other people who receive their livelihood through dishonest means, expressing their envy or saying that such people should be followed as an example. You should not allow your child to be present during such conversations.

8. Extortion from older children.

In this case, parents must protect their child by stopping any attempts at intimidation or blackmail. It is important to explain to the child that in such cases he can turn to his parents and teachers for help.

9. Kleptomania. This is a very rare disease, especially among children. In this case, the child should be shown to a neuropsychiatrist or psychiatrist.

Errors in education that provoke child theft

The main mistakes in education that can provoke child theft include the following:

lack of consistency in upbringing: in one situation the child is punished, and in another they “turn a blind eye” to the offense: they threatened to punish, but did not punish;

inconsistency of adult demands (father allows, but mother forbids);

“double morality” - the parents’ actions are at odds with the case (for example, the parents instill in the child that “you can’t take someone else’s things,” but they themselves bring from work something that “is bad.” The child, sincerely believing in the authority and infallibility of the parents, follows their example and for a long time he cannot understand why he is scolded if he acts like mom and dad.);

a situation of permissiveness, raising a child in the “family idol” style: the child grows up with the thought “I am the best”, he does not learn to take into account the opinions of other people, he is guided only by his own desires and interests. Such children, when they find themselves in a group of peers, continue to behave in the same way as in the family, but very quickly receive “feedback” from the children - they do not want to communicate with them. They sincerely don’t understand why they can’t take what they want. And parents begin to blame other children for the harmful influence on their “miracle child”;

total control over the child’s behavior and actions. Some children take an active “defensive” position, constantly showing stubbornness and getting into arguments over any reason. Others “go underground,” continuing to commit acts condemned by adults, but at those moments when no attention is paid to them.

What advice can be given to parents if there has been a case of theft?

First of all, you need to find out the situation in detail. Much will depend on the age of the child and the circumstances of the event, the reasons for the theft and the child’s motivation.

If a child brings someone else's toy into the house, this is not always theft. Children often exchange toys, and the monetary value of the toy does not matter to them.

If this is someone’s toy, then it is important to find out the nuances of the relationship between the child and the owner of the toy. What is behind this offense is the desire to attract attention and make friends, or, conversely, neglect of another child, who may occupy the position of an outcast in the group, or the desire to take revenge. It is important how the fact of theft was discovered - by accident or by the child himself.

It is worth paying attention to how he himself feels about his action - he is ashamed, he repents, or believes that everything that happened is in the order of things. If there is no feeling of guilt at all, the parents' assessment should be sharp and definite: the child should feel that such behavior is unacceptable and condemned. It is important to express confidence that, of course, this will not happen again.

If a child knows that he did wrong, then it is wiser, when giving an assessment, to focus not on making him feel guilty, but to paint a picture of the experiences of the one who lost his toy, and develop a strategy for returning the thing without unnecessary humiliation.

There are some general rules that apply to all ages and all cases of theft.

Do not throw hysterics and scandals, do not assume that something irreparable has happened to the child. Forceful punishment is the most seductive and the most ineffective, since it does not solve the problem that has arisen, but more often aggravates it. It does not promote trust between parents and child and may encourage the child to do a better job of hiding stolen property next time. By giving vent to your indignation, you can ruin a child’s life, deprive him of confidence in the right to be treated well by others, and thereby of self-confidence.

It is important to talk kindly and privately with the child: find out where the toy or thing came from, and how he wanted to dispose of the stolen property. What kind of relationship does the child have with the owner of the item? This way you can understand the child’s motivation.

You need to let the child understand how upsetting the parents are about what is happening, but it is better not to call the incident “theft,” “theft,” or “crime.” A calm conversation, a discussion of feelings, a joint search for a solution is better than a showdown.

You cannot blame a child if his guilt has not been proven.

You cannot call a child a thief, etc., i.e. hang “labels” on him, predicting a criminal future for him.

You can express a negative assessment of the actions of the child (but not the individual), with specific condemnation of such behavior.

Talk about the consequences of such an act from the perspective of the experiences and feelings of a person who has lost his favorite thing, money.

Avoid comparisons with other children and with yourself as a child, saying, for example: “This has never happened in our family,” or “How I envy other parents who don’t have to be ashamed of their children.”

Do not require the child to swear that this was the first and last theft.

You cannot discuss your child’s behavior in the presence of strangers.

We must not allow the child to be judged publicly and do not insist on demonstrative apologies.

If possible, organize the return of the stolen item, preferably without witnesses. If it is impossible to return it this way, pretend that the child found it and return it to the owner. Share responsibility with the child, help him correct the situation.

If money is stolen from your parents, you need to express your grief over their absence and tell them what they were intended for. You can limit the whole family in something significant - for example, we don’t eat sweets for a month, don’t go to the cinema, etc., until the stolen amount is collected.

It is important to make it clear to your child that you can always count on your parents’ help in a difficult situation.

When discussing what happened, remember that strong negative feelings can cause the child to hide all actions that he considers shameful or bad.

It is important to understand the true reasons for theft and work with them.

Do not return to what happened (after the situation has been sorted out), because This will only cement this act in the child’s mind.

Prevention of child theft.

Complete mutual trust between parents and child is the best prevention of child theft. In a family where parents do not lie, children answer them in kind, and theft is rare.

It happens that a child does not have his own personal territory, his own personal belongings, which he can completely dispose of at his own discretion. He does not form the concept of “friend or foe.” He can take things from home without perceiving their sale or gift as theft. It is important to clearly delineate for the child the boundary between his own things and common ones, which he has the right to use, but does not have the right to dispose of. It is the child’s lack of experience in owning property that provokes theft.
It would be good to direct the child’s activity “in a peaceful direction”: you need to find out what really interests the child (sports, art, collecting some kind of collection, some books, photography, etc.). A person whose life is filled with activities that are interesting to him feels happier and more needed.

The child must be taught to empathize and think about the feelings of others. We need to introduce him to the rule: “Do as you want to be treated,” and explain the meaning of this rule using examples from your own life.
The child needs to be responsible for someone or something in the family - for his younger brother, for the presence of fresh bread in the house, for watering the flowers, and certainly, starting from the age of 7-8, for his own briefcase, table, room, etc. . We need to gradually hand over things to him and share responsibility with him.
The simplest measure to prevent child theft is not to provoke it. For example, do not scatter money around the apartment, but keep it out of reach of the child. Sometimes this alone is enough.

An effective way to prevent theft is to provide your child with pocket money. This should not be money for breakfast at school, it should be personal pocket money, issued regularly, which the child can spend at his own discretion. Children perceive their own money with great responsibility. As a rule, even seven-year-old children manage the amount regularly given to them very wisely, and from the age of nine they begin to save it for large purchases, which indicates that they have successfully overcome their impulsiveness. As you get older, the amount should increase.

Family councils, where family members distribute the budget, are very helpful in avoiding home theft. They determine the total income and distribute it for various needs: food, rent, transportation, large purchases, vacation. The council makes contributions for personal expenses for both children and parents. The child becomes involved in the expenditure of funds and even has the right to vote, which raises him in his own eyes and makes him more responsible for family affairs. The child also sees the limits of the family budget, he learns how much it costs in this world. He learns to plan. It is more difficult to commit theft under these conditions.

You can help your teenager find an opportunity to earn money himself.

This is something worth talking about with a parent who has contacted you about the theft of their child. This information can help a parent correctly structure their behavior towards a child who has committed theft and prevent a similar situation in the future.

In conclusion, we can say that the general strategy of parents’ behavior in relation to the theft of their children should depend on the reasons for the child’s behavior, the clarification of which is of paramount importance. But in any case, it is necessary to remember that the appearance of such an alarming signal as theft indicates a child’s psychological distress - this is a cry for help!

“Your child is stealing”! Such a sentence from a teacher produces the effect of a bomb exploding on parents. “I’m a bad teacher”, “what will others think of me if they find out”, “what a shame in front of the teacher”- these thoughts fly like fireworks through the minds of confused adults, and the reaction is often immediate. The father takes out a belt, the mother, in tears, begins to appeal to the child’s conscience. And here, before parents use radical methods of education, a teacher or psychologist should come to the rescue, who will help answer the eternal Russian question: “Who is to blame, and what to do?”

Who is guilty?

“The future of juvenile offenders is uncertain. They can still grow into decent people.”- said Stanislav Jerzy Lec. However, there is one condition - the desire of parents to understand the root cause of their children’s actions.

The basis for theft can be different motives, based on which the following types of theft can be distinguished:

1. Kleptomania

Kleptomania (with the gr. OS"О"ОВВР‚П„ОВВµО№ОР...вР‚" to steal, and OSV?OVV±OR...ORvЂЎOVВ± vР‚" madness, passion) is a person’s painful passion for theft. A kleptomaniac has a desire stealing comes impulsively, like an attack. For such a person, it does not matter what to take, he is attracted by the very act of stealing, which relieves emotional stress and internal discomfort, and the satisfaction that he experiences at the same time is akin to a drug high. The things that a kleptomaniac takes, his are not attracted at all, he stores them, sometimes simply forgetting about them. This disease is treated by a psychiatrist and is quite rare. However, if your child’s actions fit this description, then there is only one way out - contact a specialist.

2. “Steal once”

In this case, we are dealing with a “spontaneous” theft. Yielding to temptation, the child takes someone else’s thing and, being exposed, experiences extreme stress. As a rule, such children have developed norms of social behavior, they know what is good and bad, and they know how to control their impulses. The act of stealing does not occur intentionally, and the child subsequently sincerely repents.

Another reason for spontaneous theft may be the child’s desire to assert himself and feel his importance, to gain authority in the group, and if he does not find other ways to realize himself, then he decides to commit such an unseemly act.

Attracting the attention of parents is the next reason why a child might steal. Most often this happens to children of primary school age. Parents are too busy to devote enough time to their children. "How are things at school? Fine. Well done! Bad, got a bad grade? Oh, well, tell me what happened." Gradually, the child begins to understand that negative actions attract more attention from loved ones. And then the child commits theft in order to be “noticed.” He does not need this money (things), the child needs communication with his parents, even if it is negative contact, but it will be directed towards Him.

3. Systematic theft

This is the type of theft that worries parents the most. A child steals often and in different situations. At the same time, he understands that taking someone else’s is not good, but he cannot refuse the impulse to “steal” something. Such children are characterized by problems in all types of activities associated with volitional effort: sitting down for lessons on time, keeping personal belongings in order, brushing their teeth. It is difficult for him to follow the rules in group games, to obey restrictions in time and space. It is the lack of maturity of the self-control function, the underdevelopment of the volitional sphere, that leads to the fact that the child begins to take things that he liked without permission or steal money in order to acquire what he wants. Often, without realizing it, parents do a “disservice” by trying to replace the child’s self-control with their own controlling actions, involving teachers in this: “He’s so disorganized, you’ll have to keep an eye on him.” And as a result, a person grows up who lacks self-discipline and strong-willed qualities.

What to do?

“If the situation is hopeless, exit through the entrance,” says popular wisdom. Knowing the reasons for child theft, you can safely combat this phenomenon.

So, if the family has a friendly atmosphere and the parents are quite adequate, then you need to start by paying more attention and love to the child. Communication should not be limited to talking about how your day at school went. Being more attentive means spending free time together: reading books, playing games together, talking about various “everyday” topics. Share your thoughts with your child, talk about your own childhood and the experiences of your youth. Over time, your child’s inner world will open to you, you will find out: what he dreams of, who he is friends with, what his area of ​​interest is.

It is very useful to spend weekends together, preferably with a trip to nature. At the same time, it’s not a bad idea to grab a couple of your offspring’s friends - it’s a troublesome task, but it’s worth it. In joint activities and even next to friends, the child will not only be imbued with trust and respect for you, but will also be filled with pride for such parents.

Reading at night is another way to connect with your child. By discussing books you have read and exchanging impressions, you reveal your inner world to your child, thereby getting closer to him. It is important that the child develops trust in his parents and feels the sincerity of their intentions. And then, in an atmosphere of love and mutual understanding, the problem of theft will go away by itself.

However, it is not always enough to create a favorable microclimate in the house. Children who have disorders of volitional functions need help in their formation. Start with:

• 1. Stop replacing the child’s volitional efforts with your own impulses.
• 2. Instill responsibility in your child from an early age, for example, let him be responsible for buying fresh bread every day, watering flowers, or looking after his little brother. Explain how important this is for you and for the whole family.
• 3. Use exercises to develop willpower. For example, hang two pairs of identical clocks in the children's room. Some will go according to the time of day, while others will be left without batteries and external glass. When giving your child a task: clean the room, fold his briefcase, draw his attention to the clock. Specify that he is given 15 minutes to complete this work, and on the clock that is not running, move the hands to the time when the task should be completed. The child must receive clear instructions: the order must be completed by the time the clock hands show the same time. This exercise helps develop internal discipline and organization.
• 4. Enroll your child in a sports section; nothing like sports will teach him discipline and order, and will also shape his internal volitional qualities.

And finally, a few general rules that all parents should be aware of:

• 1. Start preventing child theft with a confidential conversation. Only by knowing the reasons for the child’s action can you successfully combat this phenomenon.
• 2. Talk to your child about the theft privately and in a calm environment. Popular wisdom says: “Praise in front of everyone, scold in private”.
• 3. Refuse labels such as “thief”, “criminal”, and the words “theft”, “theft”. Replace them with the concepts: “take someone else’s”, “take without asking”. The use of such definitions in relation to a child can lower his self-esteem and subsequently lead to new offenses.
• 4. Convince the child of the need to return the stolen item. If he is ashamed or scared to do it on his own, go together.
• 5. Don’t be afraid to give your child pocket money, this will protect him from the desire to steal and teach him to save.

And remember the words of the American writer Erma Bombeck: “A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.”.

Often the phrase “a child steals money” is perceived by outsiders with a shudder. But if you remember yourself at a young age, weren’t there situations when you “forgot” to give your mother the change from the bread or unnoticed a couple of coins left on the nightstand? Many people may not have rummaged through their pockets, but everyone will most likely remember such innocent tricks. So why does child theft from the height of parental age cause so much indignation and shame?

When a child is still at the age at which actions can be impulsive and unconscious - up to 6-7 years old, he may not fully understand the difference between his own, someone else's and the common, simply copying the behavior of adults. And if mom often tells dad when sending him to buy things, they say, take the money there, this interaction pattern is stored in the child’s head as a typical one: if you need to buy something, take the money. He doesn’t know how this money is earned, whether it can be taken at will or whether it needs to be agreed upon with someone. Is it possible to reproach him for this? However, a simple explanation of where money comes from and how to handle it is not enough. First, you should find out why the child needed them.

Sometimes a child just buys sweets for friends. In this way he tries to win their recognition and love. In this case, you will have to explain to him that this is not how you make friends, but that respect is earned by other actions and qualities.

It also happens that a child feels uncomfortable in his own company if other children already receive some small change that they can spend at their own discretion. In a family with authoritarian parents and strict rules, he may simply be afraid to ask. It’s easier for him to quietly take it himself, so as not to look like a black sheep among friends and at the same time not incur parental wrath. Here it will be a little more difficult. Parents have to admit that the baby has matured, begin to take more interest in his life and small desires, and periodically give out small money to satisfy them.

But there are also much more unpleasant circumstances when theft is provoked by extortion and threats from older children or more “enterprising” peers. In this case, legal measures will be needed, and the child will have to be taught to give a worthy rebuff. But the main thing in such situations is to establish a trusting relationship with him before it’s too late, so that you don’t have to find out about hidden desires and fears through such indirect signs as theft.

Theft by older children, as a rule, is more widespread and may have different motives. Sometimes a child, becoming more independent, is simply forgotten and left to fend for himself, and then in this way he attracts the attention of his parents, because for him even a negative reaction is already a reaction, as opposed to complete indifference. If you show aggression or threats and leave the child alone again, he will do it again, and then repeat it out of principle and a sense of opposition. In this case, only attention and acceptance of the teenager into your “team” will help; he should feel like a necessary part of the family, and not an appendage.

Often theft is generated by the parents’ reluctance to understand the child’s needs, which are actually much broader than food and shelter. The teenage world, where stereotypes rule, is very tough. The “rating” is assigned based on the compliance of clothing, equipment, and accessories with accepted standards, which are not always clear to parents. However, at this age, the psyche of children is very vulnerable, and many suffer from non-recognition by society quite painfully. This leads to the theft of money to buy “signs of conformity”, parents’ expensive phones and tablets are taken to school, etc. Parents should remember themselves and their feelings during these years: wasn’t it painfully offensive when a mother or grandmother considered the best clothes for a growing child? girls in leggings with a fleece, while all the progressive youth were flaunting with all their might in nylon leggings? Didn’t your peers laugh at the old-fashioned briefcase, carrying textbooks in their mother’s worn, but “branded” bags? If you try, you will remember many such grievances. Is it worth taking it out on your child? If it is not possible to make the purchase your child wants, you can start a piggy bank and agree that the item will definitely be purchased in the future. Or offer to contribute there too, providing all possible assistance in earning the required amount.

Weak self-regulation also causes a child to steal money. Parents need to moderate their desire to lead. This form of education leads to the fact that all the child’s actions are stimulated from the outside, as the fulfillment of someone’s will, and as a result he does not acquire the ability to make decisions independently and control his actions; he remains undeveloped both a sense of motivation and internal prohibition. Independent actions (including theft) occur uncontrollably, and only then can the child realize that this should not have been done. This gap is expressed not only in theft: such children, if not forced, are very reluctant to perform basic operations, such as brushing their teeth, cleaning up after themselves, or doing homework. If a child is used to doing everything under pressure, long-term painstaking work is necessary to expand his area of ​​responsibility. You need to trust him to solve simple dilemmas, unobtrusively justify your own decisions for him, so that he learns to build cause-and-effect relationships.

Another prerequisite for theft may be the conversations of the parents themselves. Often children in society do not follow what is said, and the words that come out can be very firmly deposited in the child’s mind, like dogma. This also applies to conversations about material things: if you periodically complain about how difficult it is nowadays to earn a living by honest work, and how well this or that person got a job, stealing from the people and feeling great at the same time, the child will develop a very definite stereotype that , firstly, stealing is not bad, and secondly, parents are quite loyal to it. And the consequences of such thinking may soon be revealed quite unexpectedly.

Under no circumstances should you call him a thief, make him feel ashamed and depressed, compare him with “positive” friends, and generally arrange a biased trial. This can only ensure that the child becomes even more withdrawn and secretive. It is important to let him understand that despite his actions they love him very much, and they just want to figure out what was missing from his parents. Perhaps they missed something or didn't notice? As a rule, such conversations do not encourage one to defend oneself, but, on the contrary, encourage sincere emotions and constructive dialogue.

You should also be understanding about the issuance of pocket money, because children cannot tell their parents about all their needs, even if they have an open relationship. It is important to understand that money itself is neutral; it is only the inability to handle it that gives it a positive or negative connotation. And a child is unlikely to be able to learn this without money. In addition, it is worth teaching a child to distinguish between his own, common and other people’s things and means, so that he understands the boundaries of property, what he can dispose of at his own discretion and what he cannot.

Child theft is a problem that all parents face. This behavior usually causes confusion, panic and bewilderment among older family members. We will tell you about the main reasons why a child steals money, and what you need to do in such a situation.

Child theft is quite common. Almost every child is faced with the temptation to take something that is not theirs. If this situation has affected your family, do not panic. The problem has a solution. You just need to understand the reasons for this behavior and respond correctly to it. In this case, you need to take into account the child’s age, his relationships with you and his peers.

Such features are purely individual. One child, caught stealing once, will experience a strong emotional shock and will forever give up such ventures. Another, experiencing systematic punishment, will continue to steal again and again. Both situations require attention and a responsible approach on the part of parents.

Why does a child steal?

The psychology, motives and essence of child thefts largely depend on when exactly children start stealing.

If the child is less than 3-4 years old, we cannot talk about conscious theft. At this time, the baby is just beginning to analyze the concepts of other people's property and value. It is still difficult for him to control his desires to own something.
At an older age, having reached the age of 5-6 years, the child already understands well and is aware of the boundaries of what is permitted. Theft in this case indicates certain problems in socialization and relationships with parents. You need to understand the child’s motives and the goals of this behavior in order to nip it in the bud.
There may be several reasons why a child 6-7 years old and older steals:

1. The child lacks attention, and we can talk about both the attention of parents and the attention of friends and peers. Having discovered the loss, everyone stops their daily activities and starts looking for money, and the little director of this play enjoys watching how the situation changes dramatically. Even an educational conversation about how bad it is to steal becomes an unnecessary reason for communication for the child.
2. The child feels deprived, not having what other children have. This is especially true for children, who are still the only ones in the family. When parents refuse to buy an expensive toy, the little schemer thinks about how to get this trophy and decides to steal money from his parents to buy the coveted object.
3. The desire to earn the respect of peers. The one who has the most toys has the most influence in children's society. If your child strives to be a leader, he will look for leverage and ways to get it, even bypassing parental prohibitions. One solution is theft.
4. The child repeats the behavior of one of the adults. The reasons for theft may lie in watching mom take money from dad's wallet without asking. If adults bring other people's things into the house, this can also lead the child to think that this is normal.
5. He uses stealing as revenge, a way to punish someone. If you recently punished your child for an offense, the reason for the theft may be hidden in a desire to take revenge, to express your resentment.

Analyze the situation and identify the key cause of the incident. This will help you plan an action plan and choose the right words to explain to your child that this should not be done. When you understand the motives that underlie this behavior, you will be able to purposefully solve the problem without turning to a psychologist.

What to do in case of the first theft?

Having noticed the loss of money at home or seeing other people's objects, money in the child's things, you should not ignore such a situation - such behavior must be dealt with without delay. In this case, the value of the stolen item does not matter, be it a cheap toy or an expensive one, large or small banknotes. The fact of theft itself, and not its size, should be a concern. A psychologist is needed only as a last resort; first try to cope with this incident on your own.

Talk about what happened

We can't do without a serious conversation. Ask a direct question and watch the reaction. If the child honestly admits his guilt, explain to him the inadmissibility and consequences of such behavior.

• If the child honestly admits his guilt, praise him for his courage, and then explain the inadmissibility and consequences of such an act.
• If in response you receive silence, tears or a refusal to admit guilt, on the one hand, this is a positive signal: the child is ashamed of his behavior. However, the reason for the inability to confess may also be copying the behavior of parents during quarrels and family squabbles. Gently hint that you understand why this happened. At the same time, you need to be serious and strict, and not reduce the conversation to a joke or a game.

Find out the reason for the theft

When a child confesses, every effort must be made to ensure that he explains why he did it. We are talking about talking with children over 4 years old - they already understand why and why they commit certain actions. Try to create a trusting atmosphere so that the child can reveal to you the true reasons for his action. Take the advice of a psychologist: ask what worries him, what offends him, why he is upset. Listen to your child - this will help determine the reasons and measures to prevent repeated theft.

Explain the negative aspects of theft

Tell where money comes from, emphasize the fact that it needs to be earned, and not taken from strangers. Explain that in society, theft is followed by criminal punishment, imprisonment and loss of reputation. Let children understand that people who do this become outcasts that no one respects.

Put the child in the place of the victim

In case of appropriation of someone else's toy, ask your child if he would be glad if his favorite car or doll was taken away from him. It is easier for children to understand their own feelings and emotions than to feel sorry for the victim. When he imagines himself in the place of the one from whom he stole his favorite toy, the child will understand what a mistake he made. In the future, this association will stop him if he wants to appropriate something.

Do not shout or humiliate the child. You cannot call him a thief, threaten him with cruel punishment, or abandon him. This will provoke fear and mistrust, which will only make the situation worse. The child may not stop stealing, but now he will hide everything from you for fear of being rejected.

Determine the punishment

You need to be strict in this matter. Explain to the culprit that the stolen amount or item must be returned or paid for. He must feel the consequences of a wrong action. As payback, you can offer housework that he did not do before, or other help to his parents.

Arrange for the return of the stolen item. It is advisable for the child to ask you for forgiveness for stealing money from your wallet or apologize to a friend from whom he stole a toy.

When should you see a psychologist?

Sometimes the situation gets out of control. Parents cannot understand what to do if this is not the first time their child steals. If your child begins to steal regularly, and educational measures do not help, this may be a reason to seek help from a psychologist.

When once again your arguments and actions are not successful, make an appointment with a specialist. Perhaps it’s not just a matter of attention deficit at home or the desire to gain authority among peers. One of the reasons for child theft is kleptomania. This disease is distinguished by:

• Impulsive attraction. Children steal without a specific purpose or preparation.
• An irresistible urge to satisfy the need to steal. Talking and admonishing parents does not help.
• Psycho-emotional stress. When a need is not satisfied for a long time, the baby withdraws or shows aggression.
• Promiscuity. The child doesn’t care what he steals - he began to steal not only toys and money, but also objects that are completely useless for children.

When you identify one or more signs of kleptomania, do not refuse professional help from a psychologist. Experts will tell you how to solve problems that arise at this age.