Why does the child not listen and what to do about it? Development of thought processes. Relations with society

A person experiences several crisis and transitional moments throughout his life. Each age has its own signs and causes. The crisis of 7 years in a child, whose developmental psychology has been studied by more than one scientist, is the second transitional moment in humans.

The turn is caused by changes in the emotional, psychological and even physical state of the baby and is typical for children from 6 to 8 years old. It is during this period that the child begins to feel older with all the ensuing consequences. A young schoolboy not only feels like he has matured, but also tries to fully comply with this, that is, he tries to dress differently, behave like an adult, and so on.

As a rule, at this age the baby goes to first grade. Before this, his parents try to convince him that when this time comes, he will grow up. At the same time, mentally the child still remains small. The responsibility entrusted to him, the inability to cope with his emotions and correctly set priorities put him, frankly, at a dead end.

The symptoms of the seven-year-old crisis are similar to the turning point in adolescence.

It is only at first glance that it seems that the baby is achieving a certain mental development. For example, he eats his own food, cleans up after himself, and goes to the toilet on his own. In addition, he has a certain range of responsibilities established family traditions. However, upon reaching this age, a number of additional tasks are imposed on him, such as studying diligently, performing homework, acquire certain practical skills.

The once obedient child begins to behave in the completely opposite way. Most often, a crisis has the following symptoms:

• awkward behavior;
• antics;
• ignoring requests;
• rudeness, harshness;
• sudden change of mood;
• aggressiveness;
• unnatural behavior, expressed in arrogance and pathos.

All this relates more to behavioral manifestations, but there are also emotional and physical signs crisis of 7 years, which an attentive parent will definitely notice:

• the child gets tired quickly;
• becomes lethargic or hyperactive;
• often absent-minded.

There are objective reasons for all this.

Varieties of the condition

Changing one’s own “I” is precisely the main reason for this behavior. This is exactly what L. S. Vygotsky, the famous child psychologist. In addition, the little man will have to act and live by different rules and be able to adapt to a completely new society for him.

Children begin to remember the habits and postulates that were instilled in them earlier. Further, with the new formation of personality, children within themselves impose these rules on the new “I”, and they, in turn, need to be combined with the new dogmas that the new one prepares for them. school life and parents.

All this is a manifestation of natural contradiction. A defensive reaction occurs: the inability to correctly determine his attitude towards the world around him leads the child to deny everything that was instilled in him before.

As a result, a spirit of contradiction arises. How can a baby behave at this age? Begins to rebel against parents' requests, and in some cases, simply ignore them. This happens this process unconsciously. Having been rude to elders, he may regret it, but within himself.

Getting into the school world, in new circle their peers, conflicts can often arise. The reason for this may not even be the person himself, but a group of children with the same experiences as his. Every schoolchild at the age of seven learns to defend his opinion and win a place in the “sun” in his own way. Some people fall into hysterics, others don’t listen to teachers, and others use force and screaming. Therefore, there are often cases when a first-grader refuses to attend school.

Is it all due to physiology?

From a physiological point of view, a person is changing at this moment, but what happens to him? This age is characterized by biological maturation. By the age of 7, the frontal hemispheres complete their development and take their final shape. This means that a person can act freely (voluntarily) or purposefully, solving certain problems, that is, draw up a plan for his further actions.

At the same time, it is actively developing nervous system, taking on special mobility. The main point is the occurrence of excitement, which affects the restlessness and hypermobility of the child.

His unstable psyche“learns” to react in a new way to these biochemical processes, to which external stimuli are additionally added. IN this period a certain percentage of children have nervous tics, distortion, some phobias appear. The child often begins to be afraid of things that he was not afraid of before.

Motivation of behavior

In developmental psychology, the state of crisis is determined by the formation of his personality. The manifestation of a crisis can be provoked by the slightest reasons that prompt the child to commit one or another action.

An important point is the child’s psychological preparedness for school. This period is often called “first-grader syndrome.” Parents need to know that up to the age of six or seven, almost any child, provided that his dignity has not been violated before, perceives himself exclusively from the positive side.

Experiments by psychologists have shown that children under six years of age rate their skills much higher than children with the same skills but who are older, for example, seven-year-olds. This once again proves that preschool age has inflated self-esteem.

Before going to first grade, a preschooler’s opinion changes dramatically. The peculiarity is that he already consciously gives himself internal self-esteem, highlighting what he really can do, between what he only seems to be able to do. A person in society begins to realize that in reality his personality is not so perfect. At the same time, the level of requirements remains at the same level.

A whole chain develops inside it logical concepts. For example, kids preschool age tends to connect the people around you with the game. Children who are a little older begin to understand that not everything is about games. Right now little man already feels and can explain the difference between family and strangers.

Parents' position

Complex, but inevitable stage development of any person with his adaptation to environment. No matter how much parents would like to, it will not be possible to avoid this crisis stage, as well as the teenage one.

Parents, first of all, need to be prepared for it themselves. But even despite such “preparedness,” a sharp change in their child’s behavior confuses parents, and, unfortunately, most of them make mistakes.

It will not be possible to limit a child’s actions and pull him out of society. Parents should pay attention to the duration as well as the severity of the crisis. If this is not given due attention, then the baby will not be able to overcome the accompanying difficulties, and they can be imprinted on his mental and physical condition for life. In the future, having realized their incorrect initial approach, parents will no longer be able to correct anything.

The crisis can begin not only at seven years old, but even earlier. This period is called subcritical. It can be seen in the loss of interest in previous games. This means that a little person subconsciously wants to become more mature.

Manifestation of obvious negative signs indicates that the moment of crisis has arrived. And finally, this stage passes when the child finds inner, albeit relative, peace. He is entering a stable phase psychologically and emotionally.

Parents' actions

When faced with such a situation, the main thing for parents is not to get confused and not lose their “face” in front of the baby. Why? At this moment the little one man is walking active “denial” of everything and everyone. You need to think very carefully before you make a promise to him or answer something out of place.

Until this moment, the baby’s parents had always been in authority. Considering that at the age of 7 a little man feels very well the difference between truth and lies, it is not difficult to guess what reaction he will have if the child feels a trick on the part of his parents. The baby is already excellent at comparing the correspondence between actions and words. Parents need to know clearly what to do if their child is hyperactive - how to behave and what to say to him in this or that case.

• It is necessary, both morally and from an educational point of view, to first prepare the child for school. This could be learning poems and songs. You can teach him to retell, for example, a fairy tale in his own words, that is, teach him to expound. This point also includes the ability to distinguish objects. There are many educational programs for homeschooling.

Basic basic training will help your child feel confident among his peers when he gets to school. It would be a good idea to visit the future first educational institution, get to know the environment and the teachers.

Parents themselves need to be calm, patient and very positive. The most painless way out of a difficult situation is considered to be with humor. Over time, this approach will leave its mark, and as an adult, it will be easier for your child to get out of difficult situations on his own.

A person develops and matures throughout his life. In a child, developmental leaps are more noticeable due to periods of crisis. At these moments, the baby begins to behave differently. The crisis of 7 years is one of the most difficult. Some teachers believe that difficulties in communicating with children arise due to gaps in upbringing. Psychologists do not agree with this statement. They call the crisis a normal, natural process of emotional adaptation to changing conditions.

Main reason behavioral problems for older preschoolers - growing up. The child’s life changes, he worries, worries. He will have to adapt, change his daily routine, and lose his carefree attitude. The crisis of seven years is complicated by the fact that the child will have to communicate with peers who are in the same difficult period and overcome academic loads.

Vygotsky argues that the 7-year-old crisis occurs in children from 6 to 8 years of age. No one can say the exact age, since it depends on individual development baby. Signs difficult period:

• ridiculous behavior, manifestations of harmfulness;
• pretense when communicating;
• decreased perseverance;
• imitating adults;
• attracting attention by clowning.

These main signs are accompanied by behavioral characteristics:

• increased fatigue;
• irritability and short temper;
• aggressiveness or withdrawal;
• poor academic performance and absent-mindedness;
• search for authority, one’s place within the team;
• decreased self-esteem;
• comparing your life with others.

Due to their character traits, some children begin to slander adults and curry favor with them. Behavioral changes occur at a subconscious level; preschoolers lose control over their behavior. They have a negative attitude towards criticism, since the brain does not perceive negative information and blocks it.

The reasons for the onset of the crisis period are the loss of childlike spontaneity, intellectual maturation, and the emergence of worries about committed actions. Additionally, children begin to worry about adaptation at school, anxious conversations from parents about new difficult period. They resist environmental changes.

Main symptoms

Age-related psychology of this period highlights the symptoms of crisis that parents can notice on their own. There is an explanation for each of them:

Another important symptom is a passion for playing “school.” Small man strives to become more mature, to enjoy beautiful things. At the same time, the baby does not fully understand what will be required of him.

The first symptoms can be noticed at six years of age. By the age of 8, the effect of the crisis weakens. It is important for parents to act correctly when the first signs of a difficult period appear. Overprotectiveness, the use of unconscious prohibitions will only aggravate the situation.

Rules of conduct for parents

Panic is a bad adviser in matters of education. Adults need to calm down and adhere to a number of rules:

It’s not worth nurturing a seven-year-old all the time. The crisis period of 7 years for a child is the time when he begins to grow up. He needs to spend time with friends, without parents, read alone, do homework on his own, design, draw.

By the age of 6, the baby should have his own room or place where other family members will leave him alone for a while.

Psychologists often have to deal with children experiencing personal crises. They give advice to parents of seven-year-olds:

Remember, the child is not your thing. He is a person who needs to be listened to and his wishes taken into account. He doesn't have to be an absolute copy of his parents or fulfill your childhood dreams.

Everyone good day! Now the girls' mothers can rest a little and skip today's lecture. Today we will talk about mischievous boys and the peculiarities of their psychology and upbringing. However, stay, everyone. We're already alone big family, in which there are no other people's children and problems. By the way, about problems.

It is believed that sons bring mothers much more worries and worries than daughters. Too restless people. They have barely learned to walk, and they are already stuffing themselves with cones, climbing into puddles and trees, chasing pigeons. These little bandits. How to deal with them?

We have already talked about this before. Today I want to dwell on a specific period when you need to pay attention to many aspects of a child’s behavior Special attention. The psychology of a 7-year-old child, especially a boy, requires a separate publication, I decided, and I invite you to a discussion today important points this topic.

"Daddy's boy"

Remember how harshly boys were raised in ancient Sparta? This was certainly done by men. And weak and frail boys, they say, were even thrown off the cliff. Those were terrible times. But now, with living fathers, there are a lot of pampered mama’s boys growing up.

So, dear mothers, rule No. 1 in raising a son is not to spoil or raise indoor plant. Especially at 6-7 years old, when male nature the boy begins to bloom wildly. Psychologists believe that it is at this age future man already clearly understands his gender, and this needs to be supported in every possible way, explain to your son what is good and what is bad, where you need to act like a man, set a positive example.

Now is the time to “hand over” the child to be raised by the father. Let them spend time together more often. The boy simply needs this; he, like a sponge, absorbs every word and action of his dad. If dad is not there, or he, for example, works as a truck driver or sailor long voyage, then grandfather, godfather, and uncle are suitable for the role of teacher.

It happens that they are not there either, what to do then? Moms, you and I are a courageous people, and we are quite capable of raising a full-fledged man ourselves. Even if dad left you and sees his son once a month. You should not and do not have the moral right to speak badly about him. Whatever he is, he is a father, and for the boy he is now sacred.

I'm sure that most of you are still plump happy families, and dad is “available”. So, dear fathers, your silent presence at home is not enough. It's time to act! Your son looks at you with all his eyes and copies you in everything. If you come home from work, lie down on the sofa and watch TV, the child thinks that a real man that's exactly what it should do. But I should get up, help my mother clear the dishes from the table, or even cook dinner.

Respect for female boys learn from their dads.

A little more and at school he will meet new girls, and he will behave with them in exactly the same way as you treat your wife. Even if there are quarrels in the family, try to “quarrel in a civilized manner.” Remember that the child is also involved in your conflicts, albeit as an observer. All the reproaches and insults that he hears from his parents towards each other are imprinted in his memory.

Now the father should involve his son more in male activities. Fishing, fixing a bicycle, playing football on the street - men of any age love such pastimes. Ignoring your son, citing fatigue and busyness, is fraught. Then don’t be surprised if the kid breaks a window at school, beats up a neighbor’s boy, or sets someone’s mailbox on fire. This is how he tries to draw attention to his person and at the same time takes out his resentment.

About pistils, stamens and first love

What should mom do during this period? Well, of course, don't sit idly by. The boy still needs his mother's tenderness and warmth. Mom is the most close person, who will regret, listen, and always help. Both parents should harmoniously complement each other in their upbringing. Don’t forget that the baby is coming soon, and this is a new, yet unknown world for him.

Now we need to not only instill in our son a love of order, but also the basics of decency.

And again, do not forget about visibility, that is, about personal example. A dad who throws socks around the apartment and is rude to neighbors is a bad example. A dad who neatly puts things away, takes care of his hygiene and the cleanliness of his shoes, is polite and fair is a positive example. Take action, parents. Despite the fact that your boy’s first teacher will soon appear in his life, you will remain his main teacher.

At 7-8 years old, according to the observations of psychologists, your son may be visited by his first love. Yes, yes, early, school-age and slightly naive. So get ready, moms and dads. Very soon your child will want to have a serious conversation with you. Sex education during this period has its own characteristics and subtleties.

· Try not to leave any questions about girls and relationships with them unanswered. Surely your son will ask how you met. Tell it like that, but add “fairy-tale”, magical moments to your story.

· Of course, there will be questions about where and how you, a loving couple, got him. Be careful here. It’s too early to even talk about “pistils and stamens” to a child. “You came to us because we love each other very much,” this answer is quite suitable. It is better to explain everything to your son in an accessible, childish language, and not in abstruse expressions from medical reference books.

· It is better not to mention violence and cruelty. If there is a movie on TV where a woman is insulted or a hand is raised against her, switch it off immediately. For the developing and delicate child’s psyche, this is a real blow. Tyrants and maniacs also, you know, do not grow up on their own. Everything comes from the family.

If you feel that your son is too aggressive towards women, ask him to draw a simple picture of your family. As a rule, from the drawing one can determine many traits of the future character and attitude towards oneself and parents. A small mother and a huge, domineering father are a sign that the mother clearly has no authority in the family; her husband oppresses her mentally and physically. This is exactly how your son will behave with girls in the future.

Psychology of a boy and his upbringing

Psychologists advise parents to pull themselves together during this period, be patient and give as much of themselves as possible to the child. Be on an equal footing with him. Authoritarian education has long been rejected by all teachers; it bears no fruit.

Parent-friends, whom you can always turn to for advice, this is what you should now become for your son.

And from misunderstandings and “under-embracing” men grow up embittered towards the whole world and at the same time indecisive and withdrawn. This is not a threat to your son, because now you know how to behave in order to raise a worthy, loving, fair person, a real person. Continue in the same spirit! Well, I'll leave you for a while. I look forward to your comments and feedback, see you next time!

Seven years - special age, behind kindergarten and the child goes to school and becomes more independent. It seems parents can relax a little.

However, right now they are facing a crisis of seven years - one of the most important stages growing up. This transition period opens to the child A New Look on the world, allows him to move to another level of development.

Often these positive changes are accompanied by negative changes in character: a surge of stubbornness, irritability, etc. Famous psychologist explains that by this age the child has formed an “inner parent”: this is the “imprint” of you in the child’s mind, which tells him how to behave in different life circumstances. This means that the child no longer needs to constantly hear the external voice of the parent, he remembers all your settings and can model your reaction to his behavior or the behavior of others.

But not all of us ideal parents, and sometimes it’s difficult for us to behave correctly with a child. Crises arise, and in certain periods they intensify. How to survive the crisis of seven years with the least losses?

Child development at 7 years old

A seven-year-old child is already a formed personality. He enters first grade and is already able to systematically receive and assimilate a significant amount of knowledge. At the same time, he is still a child and needs free time to play. He also needs the love and recognition of his parents; by the age of seven, the baby becomes very vulnerable, he painfully perceives his failures and disapproval from adults.

Typically, by the age of seven, a child can already:

• retell or tell long, connected stories;
• divide words into syllables;
• draw correctly geometric figures, paint them carefully, know how to use scissors;
• count to 20, and in reverse order;
• remember up to ten named words;
• draw plot drawings;
• dress;
• solve logical problems.

Causes of the Seven Years Crisis

From the works of well-known Western and domestic authors, we know that the seven-year crisis is associated with the transition from immediate “childish” behavior to conscious “adult” behavior. The baby begins to copy the adults around him. This is where the “mannering”, “acting”, “teasing” that irritates parents so much comes from: the child tries new things for himself social roles. Therefore, he suffers from mood swings and frequent bouts of irritation. This behavior differs from the three-year-old crisis in its “intellectual” component: the baby no longer just wants autonomy and independence, but an equal position with an adult, the opportunity to make decisions that are important to him. And in view of the fact that seven years is still very young age, parents continue to act on old scheme. This is where conflicts arise.

How to cope with a 7 year crisis: 8 rules

1. Set rules for everyone in the family, involving the child in creating the final list

7. Be an example for your child and be aware of your surroundings

Inspire your child with your behavior, not just your words. At seven years old, kids “mirror” your behavior, so at this age a positive example from parents or other adults is important. For example, if mom or dad themselves sit for hours at the computer, and the child is not allowed to do this, he is unlikely to listen to their arguments. Also make sure that there are no “negative” examples of behavior in the child’s environment.

8. Play with your child

Play is a child’s natural language, says Elena Piotrovskaya, an expert on the “I am a Parent” website and play psychotherapist. Pay attention to the relaxed ones, because now the baby really misses them. The child will “play out” some crisis scenarios in life, and the problems will go away on their own.

Competent behavior of parents in crisis period plays very important role– it contributes to the formation of correct self-esteem, as well as attitude towards learning. Healthy health depends on how attentive adults are. psychological development young schoolboy.

Are you spending enough time on seven-year-olds?

Ekaterina Kushnir