Support of mother in difficult moment of her daughter. Priceless words of sympathy: how to support a friend in difficult times

Are you good at making friends? Being a good friend means helping your friends when something goes wrong. You can communicate fluently in English only when you learn to find the right word in right moment. Today we will learn English expressions with which you can cheer up an English-speaking friend who is in a difficult situation or who is depressed for any reason.

“If a friend turned up suddenly” ... in unpleasant situation, feels depressed (to feel down), is experiencing any problems: lost his job, is on the verge of a breakdown (breakdown), or is simply too emotionally experiencing an event ... How to console him (to console), how to help cope with problem?

We help to speak out

So what do you do in such an unfortunate situation? Often when a person experiences hard times, he just you have to let him talk - perhaps that will be enough. What to do? To ask questions. To a friend who has lost his job, you could ask the following questions:

Being forced to answer a question, a friend will talk, express what is sore, ease his soul and, perhaps, at least forget a little about the problem. Give him support (be supportive) - after all, as the famous English proverb says: "A friend in need is a friend indeed." ("Friend is known in trouble").

As good friend, you would be happy to give advice (to give advice) to a friend, but keep in mind that advice must be given carefully, trying not to offend the person. Put yourself in the place of your unfortunate friend and formulate advice in this way: "If I were you ..." ("In your place ..."), for example:

Avoid faux pas

But sometimes direct advice can be taken with hostility and you need to slightly soften its meaning:

The main reason why it is better to give advice in a veiled form is so that your interlocutor does not feel that you are talking condescendingly (condescending), condescendingly (in a patronizing manner) or without due sympathy to him.

Condescending - imagine the situation: you lost your job and some well-wisher suggests that you look for a job on the Internet, as if you yourself had not guessed it before.

Patronising is when they tell you:

Sharing experience

What else can we do to help a distressed person? If you know the problem of your friend, share your experience, tell about your feelings at that moment, about how it all happened and how you came out of a difficult situation with honor. In our example with a friend who lost his job, these could be the following phrases:

We substitute the shoulder

Give support, offer help - become a “shoulder to cry on” (literally: “a shoulder to cry on”):

Encourage a friend (to reassure), give him hope for the future, but not with the formal “Don't worry, everything will be OK.” (“Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”) It’s better to say: “Something will come up.” (“Something new will appear”): the phrasal verb to come up means “appear, arise.”

Trying to cheer

You can also try to cheer up a friend with a joke - this is accepted in British culture (the main thing is that the joke is understood correctly). After all, when the mood is not very good and someone successfully jokes, everyone becomes more fun!

How about this option:

In fact, we got a slightly dubious joke - but it depends on your friend's sense of humor, be guided by him so that the joke does not backfire.

And finally - another method of comforting the unfortunate called "lullaby for the night" (learn from Dr. Sheldon Cooper):

We hope the phrases given here will help you cheer up a sad friend, express your sympathy and empathy to him. How do you act, what do you say? similar situation? We are waiting for comments!

I understand the desire of the reader of this article to find universal words of support for another person. Well, I will try to write them, or rather, write a few recommendations on how to find them. At the same time, the beginning of this article for a few people may seem of little interest and not important. In this case, I suggest skipping a few paragraphs to read and find what they are looking for. For myself, I leave the desire to first describe the mechanism by which the desire or inability to support other people is formed.

Anyone who grew up in an environment and atmosphere of lack of attention and warmth, care and comforting words of support, is not able to give attention and care, to support the words of a person in difficult moment. This happens often, but not always.

There are rare exceptions in which a person, having no experience of support from other people, strives to compensate for the lacking quality of character in himself. How does this happen? He great attention pays attention to what happens in his relations with people, how he communicates with them, takes into account the needs of another, and gradually, changing his treatment of others, rebuilds his behavior to the desired one. Over time, experience consolidates and becomes natural style communication.

In situations of crisis or, a person with a new style of communication is able to lose control of himself and return to the previous style of communication, ignoring, suppressing, the other person. A kind of “swing” can haunt a person all his life, and a feeling of guilt towards himself for such breakdowns can also haunt his whole life.

According to my observations from work experience, I noticed that people never told me that in childhood they were deprived of toys, things and other material joys. At the same time, I always come across stories in which people talk about how they were deprived of warmth and support. This gave me the idea that it was parental care, warmth and support, is fundamental in the development of the human psyche.

Just feeding a child, dressing for the weather, bathing and going for walks with him is not enough. There is also an emotional sphere that strives for satisfaction through words of sympathy, verbal support, body contact(hugging, stroking, touching), recognizing the right to one's opinion, .... Ignore emotional sphere in raising a child means depriving the child of the opportunity to fully develop.

A year and a half ago, I witnessed a conversation between men, one of whom said: we ourselves push children away from us, ignoring their interests and desires, skimp on the manifestation of feelings, and then wonder why children treat us so coldly. Me and my friend, these seemingly simple words made me think.

Words of support in difficult times, or in moments of life choices, are incredibly important for someone who is in a difficult situation. emotional state. It seems that the words of support do not allow you to fall into the abyss, and give the feeling that "I am not alone with my problem, that there is someone who understands me and shares my feelings with me."

I don't know what words of support are universal for all people, but the fact that a person will be attentive to the concerns and problems of another is very supportive in itself. No need to think that they are not important to another person, and that he can easily do without them. If you are looking for universal words of support in this article that you would like to say to another person, then I will write the following: say sincerely what you feel. If you feel pain, joy, anxiety, for another person ( you know, your story somehow resonates with sadness, and I understand how hard it is for you now. Is there any way I can support you?), sometimes it’s better to talk about it than - “don’t worry, everything will pass” ... Such words do not console, and sometimes, they only exacerbate sensitivity. After all, a person does not know whether it will “pass” or “not pass”, because it is difficult for him now.

Tell yourself how you feel - it helps a lot! Joint experience, sharing of feelings, is much more supportive than banal consoling words without sincerity. If not sincere feelings, I think it would be easier if the person was simply silent, since forced words without sincerity are felt and perceived by another person as false. After all, no one forces you to necessarily say something when, for example, a friend has a problem.

It is not necessary to support another person only in difficult moments, but also in moments of joy when he manages to start or complete an important business. Supporting a person ONLY in difficult moments, one involuntarily creates a feeling unilateral relations(for me the only thing that matters is when you have difficult periods in life).

If you want to support another person with words, but don’t know what to say, ask yourself the question - “if I had the same situation, what words of support would I like to hear”? Write them down. If there are several options, what - just wonderful - there are plenty to choose from. Then, listening to your feelings, and choose what “catches” you more.

There are people who deliberately do not say words of support, purely for their own materialistic reasons. A case from practice comes to mind in which a woman said that her husband did not support her interests and desires.

—Sometimes, he just opposes satisfying my needs and sets his own terms..
— I have a feeling that if he supported you in your ideas, interests, then you could even move mountains., - I said.
— Yes, but when he forbids me to do anything myself, I don’t want to create a conflict, and I stop wanting.
— I also have a feeling that he is simply afraid that you will become independent, because it is beneficial for him that you are dependent on him - this is how he feels his own. I also have a feeling that he satisfies his needs at the expense of you.
— Yes.

I have met people for whom it is so difficult to speak words of support that they choose to remain silent, or even talk nonsense. Not only are they unable to talk about support, they still manage to different ways demand it for yourself from other people. This is not the limit of impudence, this is a property of character, which is based on parent-child relationship, which is perceived as the utmost impudence.

There are still people who do everything to the maximum in order to get support, recognition. They try to be good, to meet someone's expectations (sometimes created by their own imagination), to look appropriate (and what will they think of me), in order to satisfy the need for recognition. At the same time, when they receive support, recognition, attention, they behave as if no one showed interest in them. It seems that they remain forever emotionally "hungry", unable to accept what they need, and what they so carefully try to get from other people in a relationship. But that is another story…

Funeral words of encouragement

Several times I attended the funerals of my relatives and friends, acquaintances and not so much, and I can say with confidence that the words of support at the funeral, no matter how paradoxical it may sound, are superfluous. At the same time, support and assistance in organizing a funeral, material support, or just being nearby is very important. I don't think those universal words support that could soothe someone who is experiencing the trauma of loss.

To begin with, understand and accept one thing: even though you have known each other for a long time and you know a person as flaky, now this does not mean at all that his behavior will meet your expectations. “There are certain general stages of grief. You may well be guided by them, remembering, of course, that each of us still needs individual approach”, explains psychologist Marianna Volkova.

Our experts:

Anna Shishkovskaya
Psychologist at the Nina Rubshtein Gestalt Center

Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology

How to support a person if he is in shock

Stage #1: usually a person is in complete shock, confusion and simply cannot believe in the reality of what is happening.

What should I say. If you are really close friends, it is best for you to be there without relying on the phone, Skype or SMS. For some people it's very important tactile contact, the ability to see the interlocutor in front of you live. “At this time, conversations and attempts to express condolences are not needed,” Marianna Volkova is sure. - None. Therefore, if your friend asks you to be around and at the same time refuses to communicate, do not try to talk to him. Contrary to your expectations, it will not get easier for him. It is worth talking about what happened only when the loved one is ready for it. In the meantime, you can hug, sit next to me, hold your hand, stroke your head, bring tea with lemon. All conversations are strictly on business or on abstract topics.

What to do. Loss native person, sudden terrible diseases and other strokes of fate involve not only reflection, but also many worries. Don't think that giving this kind of help is easy. It requires a lot of emotional return and is very exhausting. How to support a person in such a situation? First, ask how you can be of help. A lot depends on what state your friend is in. You may have to take over organizational matters: call, find out, negotiate. Or give the unfortunate a sedative. Or wait with him in the doctor's waiting room. But, as a rule, it is enough to at least deal with everyday issues: put things in order, wash the dishes, cook food.

How to support a person if he is acutely worried

Stage #2: accompanied by acute feelings, resentment, misunderstanding and even aggression.

What to do. It is clear that it is difficult to communicate at this moment. But right now, a friend needs attention and support. Try to come more often, be in touch if he is left alone. You can invite him to visit for a while. It is important to clearly understand whether you are mentally ready for this.

Words of condolence

“Most people, when expressing condolences, use conventional phrases that do not carry any meaning. Actually, this is a courtesy and nothing more. But when it comes to a loved one, you need something more than a formality. There is, of course, no one-size-fits-all template. But there are things that definitely shouldn’t be said,” says Marianna Volkova.

1. If you don't know what to say, shut up. Better hug once again, show that you are there and ready to help at any moment.
2. Avoid expressions like “everything will be fine”, “everything will pass” and “life goes on”. You seem to promise good things, but only in the future, not now. Such conversations are annoying.
3. Try not to ask unnecessary questions. The only appropriate in this situation: "How can I help?" Everything else will have to wait.
4. Never say words that might devalue what happened. “And someone can’t walk at all!” - this is not a consolation, but a mockery for a person who has lost, say, an arm.
5. If your goal is to help a friend moral support First of all, you yourself must be stoic. Sobbing, lamenting and talking about the injustice of life is unlikely to calm.

How to support a person if he is depressed

Stage #3: at this time, a realization of what happened comes to a person. Expect depression from a friend and depression. But there is good news: he begins to understand that he needs to somehow move on.

What should I say. We are all different, so the best thing you can do is ask what it is. close person waiting for you.

1. Some people need to talk about what happened.“There are people who, in a difficult situation, it is vital to speak out loud their emotions, fears and experiences. A friend does not need condolences, your task is to listen. You can cry or laugh with him, but it’s not worth giving advice and putting in your five cents in every possible way, ”advises Marianna Volkova.
2. Some people need a distraction to get over grief. You are required to talk on extraneous topics, to involve a person in solving some issues. Invent urgent matters that require full concentration of attention and constant employment. Do everything so that your friend has no time to think about what he is trying to escape from.
3. There are people who are in difficult life situations prefer loneliness - so it is easier for them to cope with their emotions. If a friend tells you that they don't want any contact yet, the worst thing you can do is try to get into his soul with the best of intentions. Simply put, forcibly "do good." Leave the person alone, but be sure to make it clear that you are there and ready to provide all possible assistance at any time.

What to do.

1. In the first case, help of a domestic nature is often required, especially if your loved one is not one of those who easily negotiates, communicates and can easily choose the best of several proposed options.
2. You have to help your friend step back a little from what happened. If you are connected by work issues, you can carry out distracting maneuvers in this direction. A good option- sports. The main thing is not to torture yourself and his grueling workouts, but choose what you like. You can go to the pool, to the court or to yoga together. The goal is to try to have fun.
3. In the third case, you only need what you are asked for. Don't insist on anything. Invite “to go out and unwind” (what if he agrees?), but always leave the choice to the person and do not be intrusive.

How to support a person when he has already experienced grief

Stage #4: This is a period of adaptation. You could say rehab.

What should I say. It was at this time that a person re-establishes contacts, communication with others gradually takes on its usual form. Now a friend may need parties, travel, and other trappings of a mourning-free life.

What to do. “If your friend is quite ready to communicate, you don’t need to try to somehow “correctly” behave in his company. Do not try to forcefully cheer, shake and bring to life. At the same time, one should not avoid direct looks, sit with sour face. The more habitually you adjust the atmosphere, the easier it will be for a person,” Marianna Volkova is sure.

Visit to a psychologist

Whatever stage a person is in, friends sometimes try to provide help they don't need. For example, forcibly send to a psychologist. Here you have to be especially careful, because sometimes it is necessary, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary.

“Experiencing trouble, sadness is a natural process that, as a rule, does not need professional help, - says psychologist Anna Shishkovskaya. – There is even a term “work of grief”, the healing effect of which is possible provided that a person allows himself to go through all the stages. However, this is precisely what becomes a problem for many: to allow yourself to feel, to meet experiences. If we try to “run away” from strong, unpleasant emotions, to ignore them, the “work of grief” is disrupted, “getting stuck” at any of the stages can occur. That’s when the help of a psychologist is really needed.”

Support cons

The tragedy experienced sometimes gives people a reason to manipulate others. This, of course, is not about the first, most difficult period. But you may be required to be present for long periods of time. Your personal life, work, desires will not be taken into account. Let's say you invited a friend to stay with you for a while - a fairly common practice. But all the agreed terms have long passed, and the person continues to visit. You are silent, because it is impolite to talk about inconveniences, but spoiled relationships will be a natural result.

No less important is financial question. It happens, time runs, everything that was needed has been done, and the need for investment does not disappear. And you, by inertia, continue to give money, afraid to refuse. " I noticed that you are starting to sacrifice yourself and your interests, which means there is a reason to talk and clarify the situation,” recalls Anna Shishkovskaya. - Otherwise, the accumulated resentment and indignation will one day provoke a serious conflict with mutual claims. It would be nice not to lead to a scandal, but to mark the boundaries in time.

Personal dramas are just one of those troubles in which friends are known. And your behavior during this period will certainly affect your relationship in one way or another. Therefore, it is worth rushing to help only if you sincerely want it.

Modern everyday life involves difficult situations that everyone can face. Sometimes situations can be negative and therefore people who experience them may need support. In order to support your loved ones and loved ones, you need to have certain knowledge.

Otherwise, you can only do harm. In this article you will find words of support in difficult times in prose. After studying all the recommendations that we have provided, your help will be effective.

Once you decide to lend your shoulder of support, you need to remember that the person may react differently to what you say. He can be short-tempered and almost never compromise. In addition, it is important to know that the words you say to a woman and a man can have different effects. During the provision of assistance, it will be necessary to observe tolerance and correctness in words and actions.

Words of support in prose for a girl

Very often, young girls can behave unpredictably in stressful situations. That is why it is necessary to distract and support. Thanks to this, the girl will be able to isolate herself from problems that can affect her condition negatively.

You will only need efforts that will help to dip the girl in a sea of ​​positive emotions. To help a girl, you should talk sincerely. And the words of support in difficult times will definitely help her.

Remember that many ladies are harmful to excessive attention. They may become even more depressed, giving up. Therefore, the influence should be dosed. If you feel that the girl is being naughty, then it is better to leave her alone with far-fetched whims.

Words of support for a loved one

Your support for a loved one is considered most needed. Thanks to this, words of support in difficult times for a loved one will become a support for him in difficult situations. The person with whom you share your happiness will feel much better after your words. When providing support, it is imperative to remember something common and shared.

You can:

• Talk about your relationship;
• Tell about your love;
• Make plans for the future;
• Promise something nice;
• Make a surprise.

So you can show your loved one that you love him and that he can rely on you. You also need to mention the phrase "I also worry, just like you." This will give you confidence in your actions. Also, this wording will help you get closer. Sometimes words cannot replace your presence. Just being close to your loved one, and that in itself will become a support.

How to support a sick person?

Most often, support may be needed for people who are suffering from illnesses. In moments of illness, each person dreams of being supported not only by loved ones, but also by loved ones. Thanks to the right words, a person will be able to understand that he is dear to you. And this will positively affect the healing process. If the ailment is not serious, then the words of support can be simple and comic form. Tell about what:

1. You yourself want to be so sick for the company;
2. Promise to "kill" if he doesn't get better;
3. Envy in a humorous way;
4. Express suspicion of the simulation (jokingly).

But don't express serious concern or "tearfully" sympathize. This will only complicate the situation. You will also need to come up with an activity that can bring positive emotions not only to the patient, but also to you.

What to do when the mood is at zero ... when you give up ... when you don’t see where to go, and you want to quit everything ... once and for all.

Know that even in this moment you are NOT ALONE. There are a LOT of people like you. There really are a LOT of us!

So different, so unlike... and yet I = YOU. YOU = I.

We offer you 20 quotes famous people as support and inspiration on your way! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

1. "If you're always in a hurry, you might miss a miracle." Lewis Carroll

2. "Believe in the fact that there is something to live for, and your faith will help this fact to come true." William James

3. "To reach the goal, you must first go." Honore de Balzac

4. "The biggest mistake you can make in life is the constant fear of being wrong." Elbert Hubbard

5. “What is the purpose of man? Be him." Stanislav Lets

6. "Knowledge is a treasure trove, but the key to it is practice." Fuller Thomas

7. “Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer from it instead of living and enjoying it." Dan Millman

8. "The fate of the person who sits in the seat does not move either." Philip Farmer

9. “There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create it well anywhere ... "

10. "You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can always raise the sails to reach your goal." Oscar Wilde

11. “When you feel very bad, raise your head. You will definitely see the sunshine." Drew Barrymore

12. “While we pedal and steer towards the goal, it is important not to forget about the beauty that opens before us every day.” Paulo Coelho

13. "Life is beautiful when you create it yourself." Sophie Marceau

14. “When you really want something, the whole Universe will contribute to your desire come true." Paulo Coelho

15. "Forgiveness doesn't change the past, but frees the future."

16. “This world is like an echo in the mountains: if we give up anger, anger returns; if we give love, love returns.” Osho

17. “Most people are only as happy as they choose to be.” Abraham Lincoln

18. “You can only see what you believe. Believe and you will see." Wayne Dyer

19. “You won’t see the most important thing; only the heart is vigilant." Antois De Saint Exupery

20. “The goal of every person’s life is to become as happy as possible. Happiness is the goal to which all other goals are reduced. » Deepak Chopra

Many thanks to my Vkontakte administrator Natalya Bukhovtseva for such wonderful selection quotes!