A 6 year old is stubborn. Stubborn child: looking for a way out of a difficult situation

• When accusing your child of being stubborn, think about whether you yourself are stubborn. Do you have enough flexibility and imagination to switch the child's stubbornness to something exciting and interesting for him, corresponding to the semi-fairytale world in which he lives? Do you know how to distinguish the shades of relationships, based on the temperament of the child, or do you only need his unquestioning obedience? Analyze your behavior towards the baby. Are you humiliating him?

• When accusing your child of stubbornness, think for a moment, is this your fault? Are you not discharged on him, not hiding your irritation, remembering only about his duties and forgetting about his rights? Do you remember if he was desired? And if suddenly not: Is he really stubborn or just a victim of conflict, because when conflicts in the family are constant and parents are always on the battlefield with each other, the child involuntarily absorbs their spirit. He imitates dad and mom - what's wrong here, because the atmosphere of negativism is the usual state of the family.

• When it is as if you are not to blame for anything, and the post-crisis "spirit of contradictions" in your child grows and grows, very exciting and disturbing him, in no case scold the baby.

• Think about what torments him. Such behavior usually accompanies prolonged, insoluble emotional stress for the child. Looking for - where is the source of stress? After all, if the stress does not stop, then this is the path to neurosis.

• Please note that when such a child is excited and restless, restless and does not finish what he has started just because he cannot because of the instability of attention that has arisen, then your remarks, which he is still unable to follow, overexcite him even more. and make stubborn without limit.

• When such a child is inhibited, he ignores all your requests, thinking about something of his own, and you are in a hurry, hurry, you have very little time, although the kopush is indifferent to this, as if deliberately wanting to piss you off with his slowness - do not declare war on stubbornness, but rather, consult a doctor and try to do everything possible to find the slightest reason to praise the stubborn.

• In other words, so that stubbornness does not complicate your life and the life of your child, do not create artificial problems for yourself.

  Stop for a moment and remember yourself as you were as a child.

  • When the baby is especially stubborn, you don’t need to get hung up in the same way as him. Find a way to switch his interest, pick a task for him to complete successfully, and don't forget to praise him.
  • Do not argue with the child and do not quarrel with him. For example, your little one, out of the best intentions, decided to surprise you: she stands and washes her dishes after eating, broke a plate, took a cup. You, full of indignation, demand to stop such washing. But if you demand to stop and it is forbidden, she continues washing with redoubled energy, as if to spite you and only because at this age all babies have an increased interest in what is “not allowed”.
  • Understand the child and be sensitive. Turn washing into a game and clean the dishes together, emphasizing that your daughter helped you a lot. But she needs to grow up a little more to become the main assistant in the house. Let her no longer be upset because of a broken plate, she will only have to wait a little when the time comes, and the plates will not slip out of her hands. * In cases where there are no real reasons for stubbornness and the “spirit of contradiction” is , and your baby does not feel guilty about this and is even aggressive, be sure to show him to the doctor.
  • Remember that the manifestation of stubbornness may indicate not only the age characteristics of the child, but also the illness of the baby.

  HOW NOT TO BE PARENTS WITH A STUNNING CHILD

  • In no case do not demand the impossible from the child and do not try to humiliate his self-esteem.
  • Do not fight with the child for various reasons and trifles.
  • Do not try to win continuous victories in your educational activities, especially those related to the strict implementation of the main regime moments (food, sleep, etc.). Remember that a healthy child cannot obey you unquestioningly, and by unwittingly maintaining stubbornness, you create the ground for neuroses.
  • If your child is particularly stubborn, before re-educating him, make sure he is not left-handed (with some dominance of the right hemisphere, stubbornness is very often developed in children).

Stubbornness is very annoying. Especially if a child shows it. At the same time, an adult finds himself in a helpless and miserable position: it is shameful to give in, but it is impossible to withstand the onslaught. Parents of Stubborn Children, as a rule, have prospects either to become neurasthenics who raise a cry for any reason, or to gain monumental equanimity and forget what the word "nerves" means.
If your child has a tendency to choose the most inappropriate, in your opinion, way of behavior, and no effort can lead him astray from this path; if he "brings" you to a white heat and only after that he can sleep peacefully; if lately you want to add something like “like a ram” or “like a donkey” to the word “stubborn”, then this article is for you. Let's think together what to do with this shortcoming ...

First of all, is it a disadvantage? After reading many biographies of prominent people, I came to the conclusion that almost all of them were adamant in achieving their goals already in childhood. “Stubborn” - biographers and historians delicately write in such cases, and when they decipher this concept, one becomes terribly sorry for the parents of future geniuses. Many of the famous children ran away from home, broke and dismantled toys, fought with their peers - in general, most of the time they acted against everyone. That is, they were stubborn and self-willed children in the most classical sense. Or, in another way - purposeful and independent. It was these qualities that subsequently allowed them to act decisively and overcome life's obstacles. And in the end - to become outstanding, famous, talented and so on.

So it makes sense to look at the problem from the other side: stubbornness is necessary for a person in order to be able to withstand difficult life circumstances. And to suppress this quality in a child means to complicate his further, adult life.

By the way, intuitively, we always distinguish little stubborn children from other children. Imagine that you are watching a group of toddlers. Who will attract your attention more - a calm, obedient and silent child or a noisy, persistent and tireless one? Stubborn people are characterized by the fact that to the last they protect what is dear to them. It is interesting to watch them, because they make a lot of inventions in order to overcome the prohibitions of adults. We say with a smile: well, wow, small, but so stubborn. And let's be honest - we like this character trait. Because it is somewhere near the love of life, integrity of character and willpower.

Another thing is when the stubborn one is our own child, and the “cute” trait haunts us every day. Here it begins to seem that this child is raising an adult, testing for strength and generally doing everything out of spite.

Where does what come from?

For the first time stubbornness, as a rule, manifests itself between the ages of two and three years. The child learns that he is not like the others, and this alone makes him difficult to control and explosive. This time is called the stage of negativism. Moreover, its beginning is often unexpected. A complaisant and obedient baby suddenly flatly refuses to leave the bathroom or go to bed, deliberately takes what you can’t take - in a word, he doesn’t do everything the way you want. Here is what the English psychologist David Fontana writes about the reasons for such behavior: “Your child begins to realize himself not only in his physical needs and feelings, he already understands that he can become the cause of some events and play an important role in them.

Most adults count their childhood years from this age. From that moment on, the child comes out of infancy and joins us.” That is, the kid mentally argues something like this: “If I eat this porridge, everything will be as usual, they will wash me and start dressing me for a walk. And if I don't
eat this porridge - what will happen? Will the course of events change? Can I disrupt mom's plans or not? The child tries - and he succeeds! He does not eat porridge - mom starts to get nervous, offer other food, the walk is postponed or canceled altogether. “So,” the child rejoices, “I am so important that everything around can change from my behavior!”

And at the same time, it seems to the mother that the daughter or son deliberately says “no” and spitefully turns their heads away from the porridge, which they usually ate with such pleasure. She has the impression that the baby gets pleasure from his stubbornness. And, in principle, she is right. He likes it, but not because he wants to annoy his mother, but because denial is a wonderful way of self-affirmation and awareness of one's self-worth.

The most fruitless and useless way to communicate with a child in the stage of negativism is harsh measures. Today and now, having thoroughly spoiled the nerves of yourself and your child, maybe you will achieve your goal. But tomorrow everything will start all over again. Your small and valiant opponent will choose the battlefield on which you are most vulnerable - and begin the attack.

What to do?

First, let it not seem strange and funny to you - change the vocabulary. Eliminate such words as “stubborn”, “harmful”, and even more so “you do it out of spite” or, God forbid, “you don’t love your mother” from use.

Instead, try telling your child that they are assertive, independent, and responsible. Gradually, the positive coloring of stubbornness will become a reality - because both you and your child will believe it.

Farther. Every time your child seems to be acting inexplicably stubborn, try to understand why he is doing it. For example, as in the situation described by the American child psychologist Mary Kurchinka in the book A Child with Character. Little Ross refused to drink milk and orange juice, which his father offered him. He stated that he only wanted Pepsi-Cola. When his father analyzed the situation, he realized that Ross really liked the ice cubes that were usually put in a glass of Pepsi. Then the father suggested: let's put ice in orange juice. And the kid happily agreed. If the adult in this situation would not begin to think about why the child insists on his own, it would continue for a long time and end, most likely, with tears and punishment.

It is important to find out what is the interest of the child, why he wants to do just that, because there is a logic in children's behavior, you just need to find it. Psychologists say that if an adult talks with a child on an equal footing, tries to understand the reason for stubbornness, the child sees that his opinion is valued and taken into account - and softens.

There is another important rule here: the child must be able to express his desires in words, and not whimper and sniff resentfully. To do this, you need to talk more with him, teach him to think logically. It is very helpful to comment in detail on how you yourself change your decisions. For example, you wanted to make a cake, but it turned out that there was no butter in the refrigerator. “Speak” to the child the course of your thoughts. “I wanted to bake a cake, but without butter it won’t work. Maybe something can be substituted? No, it won't taste good. I was supposed to buy oil yesterday, but there's nothing to be done, I'll have to do it tomorrow. The child hears you and learns how to make decisions and how to change them under pressure.

A little about the rules

But, of course, there must be firm rules that govern behavior. They are unshakable. Instill in your child that you need to respect others and take care of yourself, take care of the weak and small, be honest and accurate. Each family has its own rules, but the main thing is their simplicity and a small number. And in order for them to be fulfilled, parents must be persistent. The child must be sure: you will not deviate from what is most important. Every day, calmly and methodically, you need to convince the child - and then even the most stubborn children admit that there is nothing to argue about ...

Get ready for the fact that from time to time the child will try to test you in practice. There is a temptation to give up and give up. But this is exactly the case when “you need to be calm and stubborn”, because by doing this you will facilitate the further existence not only for yourself, but for him too.

The child needs to be able to stop. If you see that he is doing something completely unacceptable, it is enough to tell him “stop” in a firm tone. Here it is important to observe the measure - not to slide into constant shouting, but also not to be afraid to be firm. If you tell him "no", you run the risk of running into questions "why", "what for" and so on. “Stop” only means “don’t move”, “stop”, after which it will be much easier to switch the child to another activity or calmly explain to him what you do not like.

And who are the judges?

Now please be careful. Keep in mind that stubborn children very often (if not always) come from stubborn parents. Analyze yourself. When you really want something, do you think or immediately make attempts to achieve what you want in any way? How long are you offended? Look at yourself from the outside - most likely, either you or the other parent of the little stubborn one is no less stubborn.

It’s just that with age, a person learns to direct his temper where it is necessary (and sometimes he doesn’t learn ...) Dig into your childhood, and you will probably remember how you were called stubborn or stubborn child.

In a word, two stubbornness often collide in the upbringing of a child - an adult and a child. If no one wants to give in, then the situation comes to a standstill. If this is the case for you, be aware of this fact. And since you are still an adult, get off the ground first. Yield to the child - and you will have a chance that someday he will follow your example. Children always imitate their parents - no one has disputed this truth yet.

We cool the ardor

Often the child will become stubborn because he is too nervous, overexcited, so “wound up” that he can no longer stop. In these cases, psychologists recommend relieving tension with calming activities. What it can be - is determined in each family empirically. For some children, the best thing is a warm (or even cool) bath where the child can play, sing or pour water from one cup to another. Water is known to have a wonderful calming effect. And it’s not scary if the baby splashes in the water two or three times a day. If he wants it so much, if it relieves tension, do not interfere.

You can use a child's rich imagination in order to calm the baby. “Let the child imagine that he is going to a magnificent ball or to a masquerade. Dress him up. Stand in front of you or sit on your knees. First, simulate washing your hair by massaging your skin and running your fingers along the strands of hair.

You can "pierce" his or her earlobes with imaginary diamond earrings or pirate rings. If the fantasy of children extends to cosmetics, touch the pads of their fingers to their cheeks, eyebrows, bridge of the nose and lips. Light touches are soothing.

Sliding your fingers around the neck, mark the chain or tie. Walk along the spine - this is a zipper, or around the waist - this is a magic belt. Don't forget knee-highs that fit each finger and tight-fitting calves.

Rings and bracelets complete the massage. Rings are put on each finger, sliding from the nail to the base. The final touch is a watch or bracelets that fit around your wrists. The child is “dressed” for the ball, and his mood has noticeably improved.” Mary Kurchinka offers this kind of massage game in her book, and this is probably what your child will like. Or you can give him plasticine, or simple dough - children love to sculpt, this activity is both soothing and distracting. You can guess the numbers and letters written on your back with your finger. You can paint the tiled walls of the bathroom with shaving cream - it will then be easily washed off. In a word, everything that involves the senses and the child likes is suitable for relaxation and stress relief.

And finally, it is very important to constantly develop the child's intelligence. After all, stubbornness is good when it is reasonable, when a person knows how to think and highlight the main thing in life. So do not spare time for learning, developing logical thinking and the ability to analyze.

And most importantly - always remember that you are lucky no matter what. After all, your child has a strong character. Let it bring you a lot of inconvenience now, but then you can be proud of it. In that case, of course, if you can teach to give stubbornness a positive character.

Stubborn children are future politicians, businessmen and scientists, Olympic champions and great musicians. A variety of characters, minds and talents, marked with the sign "U" - stubborn, stubborn, enthusiastic - achieve their heights. This is their indisputable advantage.

It's just that this diamond requires careful and accurate "processing".

And finally, a confession: why did I decide to write about this? Because from childhood I was considered terribly stubborn ....

Photobank Lori

Some babies from the first days of life skillfully manipulate their parents. They persistently demand that their mother fulfill their desires, whether it be dressing or cooking. Often, even if they do not need anything, they continue to demand attention. It is very important for them that mom and dad do not leave them for a minute. Disobedience is punishable by crying, which can develop into a real one.

However, psychologists say that one can seriously talk about the formation of such a quality as stubbornness at the age of three. Moreover, experts note that, to one degree or another, absolutely all children go through this period. Why? Yes, because every baby, even the smallest one, is already a person - with his own character,. In addition, it is influenced by such factors as the relationship of parents to each other, the requirements that adults place on him, the ability of mom and dad to take into account the age and psychological characteristics of the child.

By the way, stubbornness can be caused by the wrong behavior of the parents themselves. For example, if they demand unquestioning obedience. Such parents are akin to military commanders who "drill" soldiers. The child may begin to become stubborn when he is driven, demanded more than he, due to his age, can do. Stubbornness may be due to parental reproaches and accusations against oneself.

10 tips for parents with a stubborn child

1. First of all, you need to understand and admit the mistakes made in the process of education, if any. Then you need to be patient - it is very important to cope with attacks of aggression when the baby begins to test you for "strength".

2. Never compare your child to other children. Even if the boy next door is “white and fluffy,” tirelessly repeat to your child that he is full of virtues.

3. You can not humiliate the child with offensive words and nicknames. If you tell your baby that he is a “thug”, it is unlikely that this will make him more agile. No need to create behavioral stereotypes, which will later become a heavy moral burden for the child.

4. not only in a close family circle, but also in the presence of strangers. Moreover, psychologists recommend praising in advance, even if the baby did not score high in some activity. When a child feels his uniqueness, he "blooms". The kid will be ready to “move mountains” so that his parents notice and approve of his act.

5. If the baby began to be stubborn and naughty for no reason, try to figure out the reasons for his behavior. Perhaps in this way he demonstrates fatigue, internal tension due to problems in kindergarten or school. The reason for the sudden obstinacy of the child may be due to low self-esteem. In the end, the baby may simply miss your attention.

6. If mom and dad forbade something to a child, it is important to skillfully argue it. By speaking aloud the causal relationship of the ban, you help the baby understand the reason for the refusal. In addition, such conversations will help establish a warm, trusting relationship between parents and children.

7. Create a calm, friendly atmosphere in the house. Eliminate all external irritants in a timely manner. They, for example, are frequent viewing of children's cartoons and other television programs. Try to follow the daily routine.

8. Requiring the child to comply with certain rules, be patient. The kid is not able to do everything quickly and clearly, as sometimes hurrying parents want. Children who often experience the dissatisfaction of their mother and father, persons who are authoritative for themselves, begin to withdraw into themselves.

9. Psychologists emphasize that the inability to make an independent choice affects the mental state of the baby extremely negatively. When solving a problem, offer your child several options for getting out of the situation so that he has the last word.

10. Finally, I want to say: you should not scream and pull a stubborn child. Not only will this not solve the problem, but it will make it worse.

"I do not want! I won't!" and want! Will!" - two sides of the same coin, which is worn with shame by parents who have failed to build a respectful relationship with their child.

I read the dissertation and was surprised how simple and obvious the results were presented in the study, and at the end an equally unpretentious recommendation was given: “Lectures and educational work with parents can be recommended as measures to correct child-parent relationships.” This is what we will do….

So, this information is for you if:
- the child defiantly does not respond to your requests;
- the child refuses or acts contrary, despite their own desires;
- the child insists on something, not because he really wants it, but because he demanded it
- the child is rude, withdrawn, aloof

Why does your child do this and what should you do?
Summarizing data from observations of children who demonstrate denial and stubbornness, the researchers identified the leading causes:

Ignoring the child by the parent (from 10 to 60 seconds) due to communication with other people or calls, at a time when the child wants to communicate with an adult.
10 Seconds!!! 10 seconds creates a problem for life! If the child is in dire need of attention, apologize to the “important” adult and make it clear that you care: “Baby, I know that you want to tell me something, now I have to end the conversation so that we are no longer with you did not interfere, and I could listen to you carefully ”and, of course, LISTEN to the child after.

Parent's disagreement with the child's proposal without giving a reason or an explanation that seems sufficient to the child.
What prevents you from explaining to the child the reason for the refusal? Can't find the words or are you afraid that the child will not understand the explanation? - try, the most complex and incomprehensible explanation is better than the absence of any. Or maybe your “no”, because “NO AND EVERYTHING”? - well then you need to treat stubbornness in yourself.

Non-fulfillment by the parent of the promises that are significant for the child, given the day before, without explaining the reason or with an explanation that seems insufficient to the child.
It's simple: you promise - fulfill, if you can't - explain, explain - check if the child accepted your explanations. In reality, there are not so many cases when we FORCED to break our promises ...

A remark made by a parent to a child in the presence of other adults or children.
Talk about your dissatisfaction in private. Firstly, it will give time for emotions that can turn a conversation into a tough conflict to subside, and secondly, it will not lower the child’s self-esteem and protect him from public humiliation.

Open dissatisfaction on the part of the parent with the results of children's work (application, drawing), behavior, play of the child or other activities that are significant to him.
Sometimes parents ask me: “How to praise if done clumsily? Lie? - you don’t need to lie, you can’t praise the result, praise the process (diligence, creativity, unusualness, speed of execution) or the initiative ... And a little sweet criticism, if you really want to: “If you weren’t in a hurry, I think the drawing would be more more successful."

Comparing children to each other.
Under no circumstances compare children with each other, the comparison can only be used with him and his actions, for example: “Before, you did not forget to say hello to your neighbors”

And finally if the child is already stubborn, it aggravates the situation, putting aside for you the prospect of changing his behavior for the better the following:

A constant change by the parent of the tactics of interaction with the child, when the parent goes from persuading the child to threats, ignoring manifestations, then to persuading the child with logical arguments and again to persuasion or threats.
- inclusion in the interaction of a parent and a child of another adult who does not have special significance for the child;
- ignoring the manifestations of negativism and stubbornness of the child on the part of the parent

Lecture and educational work is over, but it will not make your baby happy, but only you!

Capriciousness and stubbornness are two whales that many parents (especially young ones) endure with great difficulty, and which are abused by a huge number of children. Unfortunately, a stubborn child can put parents in a very uncomfortable position, because finding ways to influence a stubborn child is quite difficult. Of course, mothers and fathers of such babies try to find an approach to them and behave themselves in such a way as to somehow smooth out capricious moments.

Give space to the child

From the first years of a baby's life, parents are gradually trying to accustom him to independence, responsibility for all his actions and independence of judgment. It is difficult for adults to stay on the edge - not to “strangle” with their advice and total control, not to “press” with authority, not to exaggerate with the number of threats, punishments and praises.

But even advanced mothers who constantly analyze their pedagogical experience and still make mistakes, giving children the opportunity to communicate freely, have their own opinion, feel equal, at the same time - loved and pampered, can raise a stubborn capricious child.

Let's talk about stubbornness

Stubbornness is not a completely negative trait of human nature. Its positive features include self-confidence, correct perseverance, adequate self-esteem (of one's strengths, intellect ...). Stubborn people know how to set a goal and achieve it, even if circumstances and people around them resist. On the other hand, a very stubborn child from time to time will not reckon with the opinion of mom and dad, and especially grandparents (if they, of course, take part in upbringing), respect them (or pretend to). For adults, this is a really difficult situation. Raising a stubborn toddler can be a struggle for parents and older generations—difficult, exhausting, sometimes useless. Moreover, this is a struggle not “for”, but “against” - the most dear, beloved and so dependent on adults little man.

Inability to control emotions

So why is the child stubborn? It is difficult to understand the origins of his misbehavior. It seems to adults that children who do not yet go to school have an absolutely calm life without worries. After all, they don’t even need to learn lessons yet. But psychologists believe that for the first time, stubbornness in children manifests itself at the age of three: it is then that children begin to evaluate their personality and themselves in a completely new way. In this age period, babies begin to get acquainted with new emotions, but they have not yet learned to control them. The result is a very vivid reaction to words and events. It manifests itself in the form of whims, disobedience, tantrums and resentment.

Causes of children's stubbornness

Yes, it happens that a stubborn child grows up in a family. How to raise such a kid correctly? To correct his behavior, first of all, you need to establish the reasons due to which he is stubborn. Most often, the following factors lead to disobedience of children who are not yet attending school:

1. Emotional background in the family. If the baby sees frequent conflicts between parents and other family members, then stubbornness will be a natural reaction to this. So the child tries to switch the attention of adults to himself.
2. Crisis of three years. Psychologists believe that the baby passes the first age crisis at the age of three or four years. It was during this period that significant changes were observed in his behavior. Stubbornness is just one of the clearest manifestations of this.
3. Individual characteristics of a preschool child. We must not forget that the baby is also a personality, therefore, he develops his own temperament, his own character. It is possible that stubbornness is just part of the child's character.
4. Features of education. If the baby is treated too softly, this can often lead to the fact that he feels like the center of filming of the whole family. And in this case, children's stubbornness will be the answer to any "disobedience" on the part of mom and dad. The situation will be exactly the same in families in which very strict rules of upbringing are practiced.

How to make contact?

In a family where a stubborn child grows up, parents know that it is very difficult to negotiate with him. The baby already has his own opinion, and if moms or dads do not agree with him, a serious conflict may arise. Attempts to persuade a child to do something, or even to force him, usually end in an emotional outburst. Parents, on the one hand, should not succumb to such behavior, and on the other hand, they do not need to resist. After all, at first, the stubborn child will still be the winner. What to do in this situation? The best thing that adults will do in this case is to begin to establish contact with the baby, and then they will be engaged in his re-education.

Parents should understand that the stubbornness of their child is in most cases not a vice of behavior. So the baby is trying to show internal emotional stress. Therefore, the usually used system of rewards and punishments does not give the desired effect, but only aggravates the situation. You need to start with a simple one - communicate with the child as often as possible, even when whims appear, adults need to calmly respond to this. You can’t stop the dialogue, you can’t go to another room either, just as you don’t need to succumb to manipulation. Most likely, this will be enough - the baby will understand that it is useless to put pressure on parents with stubbornness, and will not use it.

We respond to stubbornness

If a stubborn and naughty child grows up in a family, it is important to learn how to properly respond to his behavior.

Mom and dad need to find a compromise. And kindly and with patience. For example, a daughter wants to wear a New Year's dress to kindergarten. She tearfully refuses to try on something else that her mother offers her. In this case, you can agree that in the kindergarten she will be in beautiful shoes, with a festive hairstyle and an elegant handbag. And the dress can be saved for some holiday, for example, for the New Year or the celebration of one of the children. Sometimes you can give in to the child, only explaining that this is not the result of his whims, but the good will of the mother. This refers to something simple, but not important situations and serious matters, such as going to the doctor or vaccinations. Let (in very rare cases) a growing child of 5 years old - stubborn and capricious - make his choice and do as he himself wanted. Sometimes parents have to let him pay for his mistake.

Adults must be in control. No matter what he does or says ("I don't love you!", "You're wrong!") baby. It must be understood that his behavior and character is the result of parental pedagogical efforts and some miscalculations. You need to talk to a naughty baby. Take the time to explain your position and its advantages. But in no case do not put pressure on the child and do not threaten him. After all, such methods do not work with real stubborn people.

Dealing with a stubborn child

The upbringing of a stubborn child and communication with him should be built on the principles of trust. Then it will be a little easier to interact with him.

For the little ones, the option with distraction is suitable. This method will be most effective for those who are experiencing a crisis of three years of age. You can carry small bright objects with you - whistles, toys, books, balloons, soap bubbles. If the baby is stubborn and does not want to leave the walk on the playground, you can whistle whistles, inflate colorful balloons, sing songs or tell poems (mother should know a lot of them and quote them on various occasions) and fairy tales.

It often happens that nothing seems to have happened, and the child is stubborn. 4 years is the age when fairy tale therapy is still a separate item. Many of the well-known Russian folk tales are suitable for drawing a conclusion about the harmfulness of stubbornness. For example, "Masha and the Three Bears" - a girl, not listening to her mother, ran into the forest, just like that, out of pure stubbornness. And there she ended up in a hut where a family of bears lived. How it ended, everyone knows. Or “The Tale of Little Red Riding Hood”, in which the girl did not listen to her mother and started talking to the gray wolf, blurting out to him where she was going and why. The result is also known to all.

A warm, respectful, kind family atmosphere will benefit. Constant “hugs”, things that can and should be done together, occupational therapy (taking into account the age of the baby and his gender) will help level the features of raising a stubborn child. Indeed, often his stubbornness is just a sign that the baby is uncomfortable, he is offended by his parents, he has stress, he does not feel happiness in the house. You just need to love your child, and - any - and naughty, and capricious, and stubborn. Then he will learn to appreciate, respect, love his parents. And, if possible, obey.

A bad trait exclusively in childhood

During children's whims, it is quite difficult for adults to control themselves. Before them is their beloved, adored, but such a stubborn child. How to behave with him?

It must be remembered that if parents break into a scream and show their anger to the baby, he is convinced that he managed to manipulate adults with certain tools. It is quite understandable that when a child comes to this conclusion, it is not a fact that he will stop being stubborn. Most likely his cruel experiment will be continued.

So, a stubborn child grows up in the family. How to set the limits of what is permitted? First of all, we must try to understand that stubbornness is a bad trait only in childhood. In the future, she will help the child, making him more confident in his own abilities, giving him the opportunity to defend his point of view in any situation. That is why it is very important not to nip in the bud all the "harmfulness" of the baby, not to overdo it in too hard, literally under pressure, raising a child, try not to suppress his craving for actions and disputes in defiance.

Causes of stubbornness

There are many situations in which parents worry that they have a stubborn child growing up. How do you set limits on what is allowed and what is not?

We must immediately dwell on the fact that this quality is manifested in babies who are two years old. This is due to the fact that children grow up, they develop an understanding that they can influence events or even become the central figure in them. Quite often, such difficult behavior of children helps them to increase their self-esteem, because as soon as they begin to persist, parents begin to persuade them or even threaten them out loud. Most of the kids are watching this with a smile. Especially if these threats from parents remain in words.

This is how a stubborn child has fun. How to set the boundaries of what is permitted in communication with him and in education?

The only way to do this is to turn to tougher measures. Parents should come up with a few basic rules and try to teach the baby to follow them. There shouldn't be too many rules. The main thing is that they are simple. And it is very important not to deviate from the rules themselves created. The kid must understand what his duties include and how he will be punished if he refuses to fulfill them.

How can a stubborn child be punished? How to set the boundaries of allowed and prohibited actions?

When you have to bring up a stubborn one, it is very important not to show him your own softness. If the baby is behaving badly, and his mother told him to go to his room without dinner, you must follow your own words. After all, a stubborn child must understand that parental words have weight.

If the baby does not ask in the store, but demands to buy him a toy or sweet, you should clearly explain why right now the mother cannot buy it. For stubborn people, a motivational system is useful. For example, come up with a rule according to which, if a child cleans up toys after himself, then you can reward him with a delicious chocolate bar, a small doll or a car.

If the baby is stubborn in eating, one should not rush to punish, but try to figure out what exactly he does not like. Do not force him to eat, it is better to try to find a better alternative.

Only a firm and confident tone of the parent can stop the unacceptable actions of the child. The kid should immediately understand what mom or dad wants from him. You should not ask your child questions like “Why are you doing this?”, Because they contribute to children's philosophical reflections. It is necessary to say simply: "Stop", "Stop immediately." But when the baby follows the order, you must be prepared for the fact that you will have to answer his many questions. He will want to know why he shouldn't play with matches or touch a hot iron. Mom needs to stop all her affairs for literally five minutes and talk with the baby, giving him a clear answer.

What needs to be done and what not?

If contact is established in the baby, but he still shows stubbornness, the system of relations in the family should be changed. There are a few simple rules for moms and dads that will help answer the question of how a stubborn child should be brought up.

It is very important to improve the atmosphere in the family. If adults understand that family relationships are far from ideal, it is necessary to work in this direction. The stubbornness of the baby as a reaction to problems in the family is an indicator that it is necessary to solve them very quickly.

You should remain calm. If the kid starts to hysteria, proves his case, or refuses to do something that adults have instructed him, you need to be patient and go about your business. When parents react to bouts of stubbornness, they “turn on the green light” for such behavior.

You don't need to be in conflict. It is useless and tiresome to argue with a stubborn child. He will definitely not obey, but he will be able to spoil the tense relationship perfectly.

Adults must justify each of their positions. If you simply forbid or ask, it will not work on the baby. Therefore, motivation and argumentation of words are useful here. It is necessary to explain to the child in an understandable language why it is impossible to behave one way or another and why he needs to carry out certain other assignments.

Try to create the illusion of choice. If the baby does not want to comply with the request, you should offer him a choice. And you don't have to come up with real alternatives. It will be enough to create an illusion for him. For example, “What do we do first - eat or fold books?”. With this approach, the baby will not perceive the request as an order, therefore, he will calmly fulfill everything.

Praise your child more often and in no case compare him with his peers. When the formation of personality takes place, babies become especially sensitive. Therefore, any comparison with other children is inappropriate for them. Such statements will in no way contribute to the proper motivation of the child. They will lead to the fact that the problems will worsen and the confidence of the baby will decrease.

What can be said in conclusion? The main thing for parents is not to give up and not let the whims of their little ones take their course. Kids should learn the rules of decent behavior, good manners and morality at the most tender age, thanks to the tips of moms and dads, and by the example of their behavior. Despite the fact that children's characters can be very complex, about 80 percent of a baby's behavior still depends on upbringing.