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Uncontrollable children: normal or pathological? Age crisis in a child. Parenting

At some point, parents notice that their child is completely uncontrollable. This can happen at three years old, and at five, or even at nine. It is difficult to withstand whims, hysterics and other manifestations of disobedience. Few fathers and mothers are ready to tolerate this. How to explain the uncontrollable behavior of a child and what to do with it? You will find the answers in our article.

View from the outside

Who is an uncontrollable child? This is a child who does not comply with the requirements and rules of his parents, who does not obey them.

Let's remember what uncontrollable behavior of a child looks like from the outside. For example, imagine that a child is rushing like a tornado through a children's psychological center. It seems that he is in several places at the same time. He climbs everywhere, touches everything, tugs, pulls, addresses people he meets without waiting for an answer. When grabbing valuable objects and receiving comments, he reacts inappropriately, aggressively, rushes into a fight or shrugs it off and rushes on, threatening to break something. In such situations, mothers are usually completely at a loss: they don’t want to be heartless and cruel to the child, but they can’t do anything to stop the disorder.

It happens that the child seems to have calmed down and shown obedience, but after some time everything becomes the same again: the baby does not obey, those around him are unhappy, the parents are shocked.

And it happens that children behave quite quietly and peacefully, at school or at a party, but at home they turn into real hooligans and practically destroy the whole family with their behavior.

What could cause such demonstrative behavior?

Let's consider the reasons

The reasons for children's uncontrollability are different:

Congenital developmental features (psychophysiological). Experts most often point to hyperkinetic syndrome, which is expressed in excessive involuntary movements. This pathology manifests itself in the form of behavioral disorders. Unfortunately, in such cases, parents do not always rush to see a doctor, although in this case treatment is simply necessary.
Age crisis. If you notice that a child regularly does not listen at all, and reacts to comments with hysterics, then most likely the reason for his uncontrollability is age-related crises (from one year to three, six to seven years, adolescence). Crises related to age characteristics, happen to all normal children. Reacting to events in your life with hysterics and whims (in younger age), stubbornness and laziness (at an older age), the child grows and learns about the world, discovering a new understanding of it, realizing the boundaries of what is permissible. During these periods, parents just need to be more attentive to their children.
Unhappy child. Internal troubles can cause a child to become uncontrollable. In this case, the child’s behavior, which is difficult to control, is the child’s cry for help. By his behavior, the little rebel demonstrates to adults that he has problems.
Misbehavior of parents. Parents who do not have enough pedagogical knowledge and experience may behave incorrectly towards a rebellious child: provoke him, encourage whims, etc. A child is not born bad. He simply behaves as his parents allow him to. The child’s behavior is affected by whether we allow or prohibit, allow or restrict, whether we are attentive to him or indifferent.

“This may be useful. Parents’ confidence in their actions and consistency in their demands on the child, a clear idea of what is possible and what is not, is the key to obedience and adequate behavior.”

Most often, it is the pedagogical illiteracy of parents, their reluctance to devote time to raising a child, that underlies children's uncontrollability.

What to do about hyperactivity?

It happens that the reason for a child’s uncontrollability lies in his hyperactivity. For a child with increased activity, a state of uncontrollability is common. Such children, even with all their desire, cannot restrain themselves.

What to do with hyperactivity?

We are studying the issue of hyperactivity. First, parents should understand this issue by finding out what manifestations of behavior are characteristic of hyperactive children. Such children are distinguished from ordinary ones by too free behavior and disobedience. They do not respond to prohibitions and requests, and also do not know how to manage emotions and desires. These characteristics are the basis of their restlessness, contradictions and fears. Being in constant logical tension causes emotional damage to the child, which makes both the child and his parents feel bad.
Let's show calm. Remember what gives rise to aggression. If you do not restrain yourself in relation to your child, you will not be able to come to an agreement with him, but will only worsen the scandal. Restrain your emotions (after all, we are adults too), be consistent in your actions and decisions. Seeing your calm behavior, the baby will cry and calm down.
We introduce a clear daily routine. Hyperactive children need to be busy with something all the time. Make a small bright poster with the daily schedule and place it in the child’s field of view. Write down how much time is allocated for each activity. Don't forget to remind him of his responsibilities.
We give it to sports. The best way find a use for excess energy hyperactive child- write it down to sports section. The child should enjoy playing sports. During classes, he will not only throw out negative energy and accumulated aggression, but also learn to maintain discipline.

If none of the described methods helps or is not suitable, it is better to consult a psychologist or doctor: the reason for uncontrollability may lie in congenital disease brain

Parental behavior patterns

“Did you know that there is no uncontrollable children, but there are parents who don’t know how to cope with their child?”

When the baby grows up, he begins to fight for attention to himself, for. Most often this occurs in the form of various protests against guardianship and supervision, demands, strictness or, conversely, indifference of parents. These patterns of parental behavior only stimulate children's disobedience and develop their capriciousness.

One of the most common causes of uncontrollable and demonstrative behavior child is insufficient attention parents. The fact that parents do not pay attention to the child or do not spend enough time with him can encourage him to behave inappropriately. There is nothing worse for children than indifference. So they try to attract attention to themselves.

Problems arise in families where mom and dad are inconsistent in their demands: they don’t keep promises; today they allow, and tomorrow they allow; dad says one thing, mom says the exact opposite, and grandma says the third. A child from such a family will easily manipulate adults, staging entire performances. Parents must agree on a common upbringing tactic, decide what is allowed for the child and what is not, and outline the boundaries of what is allowed.

"Advice. An adult must remember that he is the main initiator of building a relationship with a child.”

We feel sorry for mom

It’s such a pity for those parents who just can’t cope with an uncontrollable child. You can often hear unpleasant words addressed to your mother little fidget. People around them consider such mothers to be indifferent to upbringing. own child, unable to influence him, calm him down, or explain the rules of behavior. It’s easy to say that: after all, this is someone else’s child. It is difficult for others to put themselves in the mother’s place. And once you put it on, you can only feel insane tension, fatigue, and despair.

Depending on the psychological characteristics mother, she may perceive an uncontrollable child differently. One of them will react to stress with protective inhibition, outwardly showing indifference, but internally being very worried. Another mother, on the contrary, will control every step of the tomboy, feeling annoyed and showing irritability. Both styles are far from the best options.

When a mother is ashamed of her child's violent behavior, it is sure sign. She realizes the problem, tries to find a way out of it, looks for reasons in herself. If the mother justifies the child in everything, no matter what he does, blaming educators, teachers, children and other surroundings for existing problems, then she perceives the situation inadequately. Such a mother has a distorted idea of social norms behavior, she is not able to change the situation for the better. This mother will easily instill in her child the idea of the hostility of the world, sowing fears in his soul. And hyperactive children are already characterized by increased anxiety.

In any case, others should treat with understanding a mother who has such a problem child, because this is not an easy test. A the best option The beginning of the problem for the mother should be love for the child, however, not thoughtless, but aimed at positive upbringing.

What to do if your child is uncontrollable

In most cases, uncontrollable behavior can be controlled, albeit with difficulty. Let's see what can be done at each specific age:

1.5-2 years. Better from the very beginning early childhood Make a list of your requirements for your child and monitor their fulfillment. At this age, a child can be influenced by any method that works: distraction with a bright toy or sweets, interesting game. , does not put away toys - this will continue until you change his attitude towards these matters. Remember: it is not you who depend on the baby, but he who depends on you. For children, the rule of “absolute prohibition” should work, which must be strictly observed. For example, do not go near the stove or iron under any circumstances.

3-4 years. At this age, the baby learns to be independent, he wants to do everything himself. Children explore what is possible and what is not. If they behave well, their parents approve of them with smiles. If not, no big deal. Pay attention to what your baby is doing well and praise him more often. With the help of encouragement, you can change your baby's behavior better side. The task of parents is not to scold (and under no circumstances beat) their children, but to gently guide them, showing them how to behave well.

6-7 years. This is a period of intensive development cognitive processes child, as well as entering a new society - school. The child begins to study intensively, gets used to the new daily routine, and tries to establish relationships with classmates. Parents need to be attentive to the child, help to get involved in educational process, overcome communication difficulties, support.

9 years and older. Around this age they begin hormonal changes that can influence the child's behavior. The student grows, his interests change, he develops physically and emotionally. You need to work with teenagers in a special way, because parental solidarity and understanding are important to them. Nurture in optimistic spirit. Find common hobbies and spend weekends together. Be an authority figure for your child.

If parents work not only on their children, but also on themselves, thinking about methods of education, then they will achieve success and overcome the child’s uncontrollability.

How to find an approach

To prevent or correct a child’s uncontrollable behavior, we suggest following a system of rules:

Be consistent. Learn to keep your word to your child and fulfill your promise. Do not violate the established ones.
Be firm in your prohibitions. A child may feel weak if something is not allowed in the morning, but in the evening it is already possible.
Communicate with your child as equals. Respect the child’s opinion, value his personality, take his opinion into account. When you refuse something, explain why.
Develop a daily routine. And make sure your child adheres to it. This will teach the child discipline and order and reduce protests to a minimum. Be close to your baby, teaching him daily activities. Repeat the steps again and again. It will take a long time before he learns to follow the regime of his own free will.
Do not Cry. A child is a small person who wants to be respected. Therefore, be respectful to the baby, do not raise your voice, do not scold, do not blame, do not hit.

You can sit the baby on your lap, hug him, talk to him tenderly, looking into his eyes, until it passes.
You need to distract the child with something neutral, use humor and affection. When the child calms down, you need to calmly explain to him that this cannot be done.
Leave the room during the tantrum. The performance is always aimed at the audience.

The main thing in working with children's uncontrollability is that your efforts, restrictions and prohibitions must be united by force parental love, care and confidence that you are raising a child for the good.

conclusions

Faced with children's uncontrollability, parents need to think about what is bothering the child, what the real reason such behavior, how can he be helped. If parents are attentive to the child’s problems, his behavior will return to normal. Be mindful of your behavior. A child learns everything from his parents. Therefore, try to become a role model.

View from the outside

Who is an uncontrollable child? This is a child who does not comply with the requirements and rules of his parents, who does not obey them.

And it happens that children behave quite quietly and peacefully, at school or at a party, but at home they turn into real hooligans and practically destroy the whole family with their behavior.

What could cause such demonstrative behavior?

Let's consider the reasons

The reasons for children's uncontrollability are different:

Congenital developmental features (psychophysiological). Experts most often point to hyperkinetic syndrome, which is expressed in excessive involuntary movements. This pathology manifests itself in the form of behavioral disorders. Unfortunately, in such cases, parents do not always rush to see a doctor, although in this case treatment is simply necessary.
Age crisis. If you notice that a child regularly does not listen at all, and reacts to comments with hysterics, then most likely the reason for his uncontrollability is age-related crises (from one year to three, six to seven years, adolescence). Age-related crises occur in all normal children. Reacting to events in his life with hysterics and whims (at a younger age), stubbornness and laziness (at an older age), the child grows and learns about the world, discovering a new understanding of it, realizing the limits of permissibility. During these periods, parents just need to be more attentive to their children.
Unhappy child. Internal troubles can cause a child to become uncontrollable. In this case, the child’s behavior, which is difficult to control, is the child’s cry for help. By his behavior, the little rebel demonstrates to adults that he has problems.
Misbehavior of parents. Parents who do not have enough pedagogical knowledge and experience may behave incorrectly towards a rebellious child: provoke him, encourage whims, etc. A child is not born bad. He simply behaves as his parents allow him to. The child’s behavior is affected by whether we allow or prohibit, allow or restrict, whether we are attentive to him or indifferent.

“This may be useful. Parents’ confidence in their actions and consistency in their demands on the child, a clear idea of what is possible and what is not, is the key to obedience and adequate behavior.”

Most often, it is the pedagogical illiteracy of parents, their reluctance to devote time to raising a child, that underlies children's uncontrollability.

What to do about hyperactivity?

What to do with hyperactivity?

We are studying the issue of hyperactivity. First, parents should understand this issue by finding out what manifestations of behavior are characteristic of hyperactive children. Such children are distinguished from ordinary ones by too free behavior and disobedience. They do not respond to prohibitions and requests, and also do not know how to manage emotions and desires. These characteristics are the basis of their restlessness, contradictions and fears. Being in constant logical tension causes emotional damage to the child, which makes both the child and his parents feel bad.
Let's show calm. Remember what gives rise to aggression. If you do not restrain yourself in relation to your child, you will not be able to come to an agreement with him, but will only worsen the scandal. Restrain your emotions (after all, we are adults too), be consistent in your actions and decisions. Seeing your calm behavior, the baby will cry and calm down.
We introduce a clear daily routine. Hyperactive children need to be busy with something all the time. Make a small bright poster with the daily schedule and place it in the child’s field of view. Write down how much time is allocated for each activity. Don't forget to remind him of his responsibilities.
We give it to sports. The best way to use the excessive energy of a hyperactive child is to enroll him in a sports section. The child should enjoy playing sports. In the process of training, he will not only throw out negative energy and accumulated aggression, but also learn to maintain discipline.

If none of the described methods helps or is not suitable, it is better to consult a psychologist or doctor: the reason for uncontrollability may lie in a congenital brain disease.

Parental behavior patterns

“Did you know that there are no uncontrollable children, but there are parents who cannot cope with their child?”

One of the most common reasons for a child’s uncontrollable and demonstrative behavior is insufficient attention from parents. The fact that parents do not pay attention to the child or do not spend enough time with him can encourage him to behave inappropriately. There is nothing worse for children than indifference. So they try to attract attention to themselves.

"Advice. An adult must remember that he is the main initiator of building a relationship with a child.”

We feel sorry for mom

It’s such a pity for those parents who just can’t cope with an uncontrollable child. You can often hear unpleasant words addressed to the mother of a little fidget. People around them consider such mothers to be indifferent to raising their own child, unable to influence him, calm him down, or explain the rules of behavior. It’s easy to say that: after all, this is someone else’s child. It is difficult for others to put themselves in the mother’s place. And once you put it on, you can only feel insane tension, fatigue, and despair.

Depending on the psychological characteristics of the mother, she may perceive an uncontrollable child differently. One of them will react to stress with protective inhibition, outwardly showing indifference, but internally being very worried. Another mother, on the contrary, will control every step of the tomboy, feeling annoyed and showing irritability. Both styles are far from the best options.

When a mother is ashamed of her child's violent behavior, this is a sure sign. She realizes the problem, tries to find a way out of it, looks for reasons in herself. If the mother justifies the child in everything he does, blaming caregivers, teachers, children and other surroundings for the existing problems, then she does not perceive the situation adequately. Such a mother has a distorted idea of social norms of behavior; she is unable to change the situation for the better. This mother will easily instill in her child the idea of the hostility of the world, sowing fears in his soul. And hyperactive children are already characterized by increased anxiety.

In any case, others should treat with understanding a mother who has such a problem child, because this is not an easy test. And the optimal way to start solving a problem for a mother should be love for the child, however, not thoughtless, but aimed at positive upbringing.

What to do if your child is uncontrollable

In most cases, uncontrollable behavior can be controlled, albeit with difficulty. Let's see what can be done at each specific age:

1.5-2 years. It is better to make a list of your requirements for your child from early childhood and monitor their fulfillment. At this age, a child can be influenced by any method that works: distraction with a bright toy or sweets, an interesting game. , does not put away toys - this will continue until you change his attitude towards these matters. Remember: it is not you who depend on the baby, but he who depends on you. For children, the rule of “absolute prohibition” should work, which must be strictly observed. For example, do not go near the stove or iron under any circumstances.

3-4 years. At this age, the baby learns to be independent, he wants to do everything himself. Children explore what is possible and what is not. If they behave well, their parents approve of them with smiles. If not, no big deal. Pay attention to what your baby is doing well and praise him more often. With the help of encouragement, you can change your baby for the better. The task of parents is not to scold (and under no circumstances beat) their children, but to gently guide them, showing them how to behave well.

6-7 years. This is a period of intensive development of the child’s cognitive processes, as well as entry into a new society - school. The child begins to study intensively, gets used to the new daily routine, and tries to establish relationships with classmates. Parents need to be attentive to their child, help them get involved in the learning process, overcome communication difficulties, and support them.

9 years and older. Around this age, hormonal changes begin that can affect the child's behavior. The student grows, his interests change, he develops physically and emotionally. You need to work with teenagers in a special way, because parental solidarity and understanding are important to them. Cultivate an optimistic spirit. Find common hobbies and spend weekends together. Be an authority figure for your child.

If parents work not only on their children, but also on themselves, thinking about methods of education, then they will achieve success and overcome the child’s uncontrollability.

How to find an approach

To prevent or correct a child’s uncontrollable behavior, we suggest following a system of rules:

Be consistent. Learn to keep your word to your child and fulfill your promise. Do not violate the established ones.
Be firm in your prohibitions. A child may feel weak if something is not allowed in the morning, but in the evening it is already possible.
Communicate with your child as equals. Respect the child’s opinion, value his personality, take his opinion into account. When you refuse something, explain why.
Develop a daily routine. And make sure your child adheres to it. This will teach the child discipline and order and reduce protests to a minimum. Be close to your baby, teaching him daily activities. Repeat the steps again and again. It will take a long time before he learns to follow the regime of his own free will.
Do not Cry. A child is a small person who wants to be respected. Therefore, be respectful to the baby, do not raise your voice, do not scold, do not blame, do not hit.

You can sit the baby on your lap, hug him, talk to him tenderly, looking into his eyes, until it passes.
You need to distract the child with something neutral, use humor and affection. When the child calms down, you need to calmly explain to him that this cannot be done.
Leave the room during the tantrum. The performance is always aimed at the audience.

The main thing in working with children's uncontrollability is that your efforts, restrictions and prohibitions should be united by the power of parental love, care and confidence that you are raising the child for the good.

conclusions

When faced with a child's uncontrollability, parents need to think about what is bothering the child, what is the real reason for this behavior, and how he can be helped. If parents are attentive to the child’s problems, his behavior will return to normal. Be mindful of your behavior. A child learns everything from his parents. Therefore, try to become a role model.

It is customary to call a child uncontrollable if he refuses to listen to his parents and do what he is asked. In reality, psychologists convince us that there are no uncontrollable children, there are simply parents who cannot find an approach to the youngest member of the family. There are reasons for so-called uncontrollability, and these reasons must be determined. Psychological illiteracy of mothers and fathers, reluctance to delve into the child’s consciousness can not only aggravate the situation, but also cause significant harm mental state child. The wrong approach to children's behavior can have consequences worse than its immediate causes.

Causes of child uncontrollability:

There are four main causes of child uncontrollability:

1) Features of physiological and mental development. Many people have heard about attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and the syndrome of the same name (ADHD). Behavioral disorders and disobedience are often explained by attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Here you cannot do without treatment and medical consultation.

2) Crises of certain ages. During certain periods, children experience critical turning points in their perception of the environment. These are: 2-3 years, 6-7 years and 10-15 years. During these age intervals, a sweet, kind and non-conflict child turns into something stubborn, hysterical and uncontrollable. At such moments, parents need to be especially attentive and sensitive. This is not a manifestation of bad behavior, but a feature child development at one age or another.

3) The child’s internal discomfort also manifests itself in specific behavior. You need to try to understand what worries or unbalances the child, because... With his behavior, the baby is clearly “screaming” for help.

4) Inappropriate parental behavior. This is a type of behavior when adults unknowingly provoke children's whims or, even worse, indulge them. Even the most capricious and disobedient child wasn't born this way, more often than not it makes him this way parental education. In most cases, children become uncontrollable due to unreasonable contradictions in their upbringing: excessive love is replaced by indifference, blanket permissions are replaced by categorical prohibitions, overprotection comes to replace indifference.

How can you correct children's behavior?:

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are usually accompanied by neurological changes and disorders of brain function. Uncontrollability becomes a problem not only for parents, but also for the children themselves. The child is filled with disorganized energy, excessive activity, and often has difficulty concentrating. Schoolchildren are not assiduous, it is difficult for them to listen for a long time, and their concentration is impaired. In adolescents it may predominate antisocial behavior. Methods of treatment and behavior correction in this case are selected by the doctor and strictly individually for each child.

Crises in different age periods are explained by maturation and the transition to a new, more complex stage of development. This is another step towards independence. No matter how much a child strives to become more independent, he needs control, protection and a sense of security. Parents should be ready to explain any of their prohibitions or justify their worries so that their beloved child does not feel a sharp invasion of personal space. It is dissatisfaction with the fact that the child is not perceived as an adult and independent that manifests itself in rude, uncontrollable behavior. A child who denies everything, deep down, expects parental advice and care, and not anger and irritability.

When the child is not satisfied with love, communication, attention or emotional support, he begins to experience internal discomfort. This manifests itself increased aggression, protests, complete or partial disobedience and other ways of focusing attention on internal state. The child provokes adults to certain responses, which determine whether such behavior will contribute to the achievement of children's goals and the realization of whims. When, with the help of hysteria and rebellious behavior, the child manages to achieve what he wants, this will be the first step towards conscious hysterical behavior. Attention is important for a child. It does not matter in what form it will manifest itself on the part of an adult. An emotional breakdown on a child due to his uncontrollable provocations is also a kind of attention from adults that was achieved. It makes sense to get to the bottom of it childish disobedience and uncontrollability. Behavior will return to normal when the child receives the necessary psychological help from parents.

Incorrect behavior of parents towards the child manifests itself in the inconsistency of requirements and rules. When tomorrow they allow something that was prohibited today, this involuntarily prompts the child to think that, in principle, absolutely everything can be done. The main thing is to find a trigger that will contribute to this. In searching for this hook, the child will not limit himself in anything. Capricious uncontrollability - great way manipulation by adults. If adults follow the lead of the unnatural child behavior, which means the system is working and the child can continue in the same spirit. It should be noted that children behave differently with different family members. Consequently, when disobedience, whims and uncontrollability are observed only around the mother, it means that she is the one who behaves incorrectly with the child and something is going wrong in their relationship. When with grandmothers (grandfathers) - it means there is a problem in communicating with grandmothers (grandfathers), when with dad - it means in dad.

The child has become uncontrollable: what to do?:

All children are individuals and individuals. It is impossible to force all children into the same framework and give all parents the same advice. But choosing from all the advice something correct and effective for yourself and your child is quite possible.

There are 6 basic rules for the behavior of parents whose child has become uncontrollable:

1. Parent sequence. Every parent must fulfill their promises and keep given to the child the word and do not “swim” in prohibitions. A child is almost always ready to check whether what was prohibited yesterday is true and is also prohibited today. Parents must be firm and always confirm their prohibitions. The situation is the same with permissions - you cannot prohibit something that has always been permitted, because one of the parents is now out of sorts.

2. Communication with the child on an equal basis. Respecting children's opinions and interests does not mean following the child's lead. Adults, when communicating with each other, always explain themselves and motivate. You also need to always justify your decisions to your child: “I don’t allow this and that because...”, and “this is allowed because...”.

3. Solid day mode, its clear schedule. Many requirements can be introduced as rules, so they do not require additional effort. Brushing teeth, making beds, putting away toys should become rules, not constant requests. You need to have endurance and patience until these actions become a habit. The more automatic actions there are, the less reason there will be to manipulate adults with disobedience.

4. If a child is stubborn, hysterical, or has an outburst of anger, you need to try to distract him with something (game, humor), talk, puzzle him interesting questions. You need to try to smooth out children's negativity, and not spray it more with retaliatory irritation. 5. Any disobedience or hysteria is intended for its audience. At the moment of such behavior, it is better to take the child to separate room or leave yourself to give the grumbler the opportunity to calm down on his own. Only after calming down can you calmly talk about everything and kindly find out what was the matter and why the child was dissatisfied.

6. Small children must have absolute prohibitions: do not touch the iron, do not climb into the socket, do not play with matches. Strict prohibitions create a feeling of physical safety and emotional stability for a small child. In parallel with the prohibitions, you need to slowly expand the boundaries of independence, without interfering in the child’s affairs, believing that the prohibitions will not be violated.

“But he’s simply uncontrollable!” Maybe, modern parents Very often you hear this about your children. Particularly different similar behavior children aged three years. If your child becomes “uncontrollable” by the age of three, then you should not panic, but you should understand the reasons and learn to find solutions with your child. mutual language. It all depends on the parents and their desire to interact with the child.

Reasons for uncontrollability

If speak about three year old child, then the reason for uncontrollability is quite natural, because it is at this age that the so-called leap in development falls, or, as psychologists say, the crisis of three years. What is characteristic of this period in a child’s life? We can say that this stage is brightly colored by negativism, denial and stubbornness. Before this, the “silk” baby becomes simply a terrible monster who doesn’t want to do anything that adults offer him, deliberately “mischiefs” and in every possible way drives his parents to white heat.

Of course, any stages of development benefit the child, because the ability to insist on one’s opinion is important. Equally important is the desire to make decisions independently and bear responsibility for them. All this is what your child is actually trying to do. Why do we like such character traits so much in adults, but for children we consider such behavior unacceptable? Of course, there are actions in which the child puts himself in danger without realizing it, and in this case he must be stopped, absolutely and categorically. In other situations, you need to try to beat the situation so that everyone is happy.

How to live with an uncontrollable child?

First of all, it is worth understanding that such behavior is temporary, that when the right approach you will be able to guide the baby to the right direction and your family will breathe a sigh of relief, not only you, but also the child.

The child must know clear boundaries of what is permitted. It’s just not worth introducing strict restrictions at any age, and it’s especially undesirable during crises. Psychologists advise conditionally dividing borders into three zones: red, yellow and green.

The red zone contains everything that can cause harm to the baby himself; the child must confidently and clearly know that under no circumstances will he be allowed anything from the red zone. For example, playing with fire, touching sockets, crossing the road on your own, etc. You can come up with a lot of examples.
In the yellow zone there are things that are possible, but certain conditions. Those. you can pick up a knife and cut food with it (yes, at three years old you can already give your baby this cutlery), but only if there is an adult nearby. Again, all these conditions under which an item or action from the red zone is acceptable must be clearly stated and reminded to the child.
The green zone is everything that a child can do when he wants and how he wants. Be sure to give him the opportunity to realize himself as much as possible here. If your baby is interested household appliances, but playing with her is in the red zone, then why not buy him a toy stove, mixer or iron?

Possibility of choice

An orderly tone and a dictatorial system of education do not work with an uncontrollable child. No, of course, if you “break” a child, he will become obedient and comfortable, but at what cost will you achieve this? Therefore, with a three-year-old child you need to be able to find a common language, and in some cases even outwit him, in a good way.

How many of us would like it if we were simply ordered without being given the opportunity to choose? Likewise, your baby will be more willing to make the choice you want if you offer him the illusion of making an independent decision. Don't ask your child if he wants dinner, just ask him to choose a menu for dinner - porridge or potatoes, meat or fish. It will be just as effective similar method and in relation to daily duties. Hysterics and protests before bed can be avoided if you offer this option: will you first put away your toys before bed, and then go brush your teeth, or vice versa? The baby can choose what action to perform, and at the same time, the moment that it is time to sleep is not even discussed.

Correct behavior of parents

This is the key to success in overcoming the “uncontrollability” stage. Of course, it’s hard to explain to your child every time why it’s dangerous to cross the road alone, why you can’t go far from adults while walking, why you can’t jump from a high ladder, etc. This requires patience and an emotionally balanced state from mom and dad. There are not always situations when you want to do this, because adults already have problems. But the baby, in his tiny but so important world for him, also has plenty of problems, and he, too, may not have the mood and desire. And only we adults can help him, because we know and can do much more than Small child. And we can raise a harmonious, self-confident personality if we are not lazy and make efforts to help the child.

Natalie Goydenko specially for the site

The baby is stubborn and denies everything, does not listen to his parents, does not want to do anything that is asked of him, can actively play mischief, throw tantrums out of the blue, and be jealous. At the same time, the child was previously obedient and affectionate (applies to both boys and girls).

At three years old, a child goes through new sensations. Now he clearly understands that he may not want what is asked of him. He wants to be independent and do things his own way.

How to react to parents

Parents need to try to realize that the child is growing up and changing. Try to readjust yourself. Offer your child a choice from several options. For example: what kind of blouse do you want to wear on the street - red or blue? Sometimes it is useful to let the child experience the fruits of his behavior himself (this is how he learns to be responsible). For example, a child wants to wear boots instead of light sneakers outside in the heat, he will feel hot outside - explain why this happened, and calmly return home to change his shoes.

But if your child’s behavior puts himself in danger, act immediately and stop categorically. Do not allow anything that could harm or threaten the child’s life. And on the contrary, do not prohibit what is not dangerous, but explain it. So, you need to define clear boundaries of what is permitted, what is possible (with various variations, giving the child the right to choose), and what is never allowed and under any circumstances.

The main rule for parents: be calm and patient. If you forbid it, do it calmly, at the peak of the child’s hysteria, no matter how difficult it may be, don’t yell at him, don’t hit him, but just wait it out. If you can distract him, redirect his attention, then wonderful, if not, we just wait.

Remember that the baby will not behave this badly all the time. Be calm, confident, don’t get angry and guide your child in the right direction. Everything will be back to normal soon.

Permissible zones

Many parents complain that it is not easy to teach their child what is possible and what is not. It turns out that a lot has to be prohibited. At the same time, the child actively tests the boundaries of what is permitted and literally torments the parents.

Psychologists suggest that parents conditionally formulate the boundaries of what is permitted as follows:

The red zone is never allowed, it is dangerous for a child (raising a window on the street, getting into someone else’s car, playing with fire, etc.).
Yellow zone - it is possible if... For example, you can open the refrigerator and take something out in front of an adult, you can cut something off with a knife in front of an adult, etc.
The green zone is something that a child can always do.

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