Does love really exist? Is there true love

Throughout his existence, man asks the question " Does love exist? Or is it an illusion - a mixture of attraction and falling in love, passing over time?

Do you think Adam loved Eve? If so, then wouldn't his first impulse have been to protect her before God, and not to shift all the blame on her?

Remember our about? There were many arguments in favor of loving husband does not want his wife to waste her nerves on a low-paid job and in general he likes it when she creates home comfort and takes care of children. An outstanding Russian psychologist, psychotherapist M.E. Litvak said the following about this: Quite often women are more low development marry wealthy patriarchal men. And they, as a rule, set conditions: “Why do you need to work? I earn. And you do the housework, cook borscht and pies, because I don’t want to eat in public catering. ” Do you think he loves her or not? No. Because he doesn't let her develop.". We do not take into account some abstract self-development, because any development must have specific purpose, aspiration and result.

And the great German psychoanalyst Erich Fromm defined love as follows: “This is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love”. Therefore, love cannot be unhappy, non-reciprocal and tragic. And it cannot limit the other person and force him to adapt to any criteria. The tragedy of relationships, when we suffer from the fact that our personal life does not work out, lies in a simple thing - we really just don’t know how to love. What we understand by love is an escape from loneliness and an attempt to plug the inner emptiness. Therefore, nothing comes out. One popular psychologist, a man, said that men cheat because they do not feel the love of a woman. Of course, we know how men like to cover up ordinary lust with beautiful and catchy phrases, but perhaps there are a certain number of such men. For this reason, they find a mistress and for the same reason they do not go to her - because they do not feel love from their mistress either. They see that both the wife and the mistress need him only for some specific reasons, but not by itself. They do not see a person in him and do not love this person with an unconditional love that does not require anything. They do not aim to help him in his development, but only use them for themselves. Not necessarily material.

Erich Fromm believed that modern society confuses 2 fundamental things. People think that the main problem- find the right person, object of love. In fact, the problem is the inability to love. We believe that love is something taken for granted, coming as soon as that person appears. Exactly the opposite - when we know how to love, when we are full of love, then we meet our chosen one. If we love only someone specific and oppose the rest of the world with him, then this is not love, this is selfishness together. And selfishness is destructive - for love as well.

The paradox of love is that two become one, while remaining two separate and independent individuals. Of course, marriage can exist regardless of these criteria. Many unions are quite prosperous, based on simply certain agreements, including unspoken ones. But what we are discussing is does love exist and not a form of family unit.

I remember my husband once said to me, "I trust you." At first I didn’t understand and was even a little offended - I never gave reason to doubt, so why talk about it again. But it turned out that he meant something completely different. He trusted me to be the person I want to be and do what I want to do. Well, as it turned out, he doesn’t trust me 100%)) But in fact, quite a lot. I do not feel that my freedom is limited in any way - and I do not abuse it. 3 years ago I was even able to go on vacation without him. We got together, but then there were serious financial difficulties- nevertheless, my husband decided that at least I should rest. And I flew to Spain for a week with friends.

How is it in many other marriages? It is very difficult to trust a partner to be himself. Moreover, the partner does not always know how to dispose of the trust placed in him. Hence the strong tension in the relationship. A woman (usually she) puts a lot of pressure on her husband with her anxiety. Don't go there, don't do that, don't say it, don't move - your unnecessary movements hurt me. It's like in a fairy tale about Moomintroll, when his mother decided to do something unusual, and her father strictly besieged her - you never did that, why are you scaring us ?! But after all, a person cannot stand still - the movement goes only forward.

Love between a man and a woman is a special feeling that not every person can feel. In order to know true love, you will have to constantly work on yourself and try to make your loved one happy, sometimes even to the detriment of your interests. However, this sacrifice must be reasonable. People are often confused true love and addiction. To avoid this and return the value system “in place”, deep inner work is required.

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What is true love

Real love rare, but it exists. To create a harmonious "healthy" union, you need internal autonomy. Only two emotionally mature individuals can experience a true feeling that is not built on addiction.

Such couples are united not by possessive inclinations, but by the desire to give their partner freedom, to realize their dreams. They help each other without neglecting their lives. They can calmly maintain relationships at a distance, as they do not feel jealousy and do not want to make their loved one their property. And they also understand that for their own development they sometimes need to be away.

There are various situations: life can throw people to different ends of the planet to realize their plans. But in a healthy relationship, there are no barriers to this. Partners give without expecting servitude in return, admire and rejoice in mutual success. They are there not for the reason that it is necessary, but because they want it.

Love at first sight is not a feeling that can be considered a manifestation of true feelings. It is attraction and passion. However, there are couples who, on the basis of this, were able to build a harmonious union. They continue to admire each other further, but do not limit someone else's freedom and value personal boundaries (their own and their partner).

mature union from dependent relationships distinguishes the ability to perceive a person as he is. Partners see each other's shortcomings, but are able to enter into a dialogue and strive to help their beloved develop. Such couples tend to maintain warm, friendly relationships, even if they decide to leave. They are grateful for the time spent together and wish their loved one happiness.

True love is freedom. Limiting the personal boundaries of a person leads to the destruction of feelings and the development of dependence.

Signs of true love:

• Partners accept a loved one with all the advantages and disadvantages, without trying to remake each other.
• People are completely trusting, can calmly express their thoughts, feelings, share passions and communicate needs. They do not feel constrained in communication, they are confident in the support of their partner and are ready to become his support.
• Lovers are serious about self-realization. They are ready to help and support a loved one on the way to goals, but without causing damage to their lives. Each of the members of the union strives for their own personal growth, without preventing the other from following his own path.
• Such people know how to take responsibility. They know that the union is the ability to vouch for the fate of both partners.
• Mature people are distinguished by the understanding that everything in life is transient. Relationships may end, but this should not affect the promises made. They retain a sense of responsibility and love, maintaining friendly contacts.

To achieve such a union, it is necessary to conduct a thorough work on yourself, your life and way of thinking. Only an emotionally mature person can, without crippling another person, create a couple. To do this, it is important to always follow your own path, do not forget about your own values, be able to accept a partner as he is, and calmly weed out those who are not able to accept.

false feeling

To characterize true love, you first need to figure out what it is not. Most couples tend to be addicted. It's unpleasant psychological condition, characterized by a feeling of inner emptiness and one's own inferiority outside the relationship. The search for a partner becomes obsession. The dependent person does not fall in love, but fills himself with the object of adoration.

Falling in love is often confused with addiction. You want to spend more time with your partner, and then a distortion of values ​​gradually occurs. The existence of the object of adoration becomes more important than one's own. The lover seeks to please the partner, to make his life as comfortable as possible, forgetting about personal needs. Dependent Maybe give up your favorite pastime, career, dreams, just to satisfy your only one. This is the psychology of addiction. But the trap similar situation that the subject in question does not need such sacrifices.

If two dependent people meet, a so-called co-dependent relationship is formed. This trap is even more dangerous than the previous one. It is almost impossible to get out of it on your own. Feeling their inferiority in the absence of contact, partners cling to each other, although they interfere with this full development everyone. In such couples, emotions are always seething, which are often confused with manifestations of true love:

• jealousy;
• the desire to patronize;
• disregard for personal boundaries;
• total control.

Toxic relationships develop in several scenarios. To avoid them, you should carefully observe your feelings. Need to understand that mutual feelings are different, but they should not hurt. If there is a painful tendency, it is anything, but definitely not love.

Dependency development options:

1. 1. The addict completely dissolves in the partner. For him cease to exist own borders and aspirations. He gives up himself in the name of his beloved. In addition to complete dedication, such a person transfers to his beloved all responsibility for his life, entrusting him with the role of a parent.
2. 2. The partner's boundaries are absorbed by the lover. He begins to control all his actions, to indicate how to act in certain situations. This is argued by the inability to independently cope with certain life circumstances, so the loved one is exposed as helpless.
3. 3. Possession of a partner is a manifestation of abuse ( psychological abuse). "In love" completely destroys the boundaries of the "beloved". He seeks not so much to care as to rule. His task becomes complete control over the life of another person, but the main actions are performed only in words. The manipulator tests his ability to influence the thoughts and emotions of another person.
4. 4. The search for a reflection is another variant of the "skew" in the mind. The addict is looking for a partner who could convince him every day of his own exclusivity. He needs to have next to him not a person, but a “mirror-man”, in which he can constantly look and be convinced of his perfection.

By continuing to follow these scenarios, a person is looking for perfect love all my life, but I never find it. The only way to break the cycle of repetitive events and disappointments is to understand own feelings and formulate a “healthy” idea of ​​relationships. It is necessary to carefully monitor your thoughts in order to prevent a “skew” in consciousness again.

There comes a time in everyone's life when doubts arise about love. Someone all his life claims that all this is fiction, and there really is no love, but for someone it is a mystery and a desire to understand oneself.

Actually there is Love, but there is love, and you must be well versed in the differences between these two concepts, so as not to make mistakes and not ruin your life. Many people say that if you have experienced both of these feelings, then you happy man let's look at this in detail.

What is love?

you met a person opposite sex and lost their heads. You get goosebumps, your legs give way, and you are embarrassed to even speak. It seems that something has changed in this world, and that you no longer feel like a full-fledged person when there is no object of adoration nearby. You constantly want to be with him or her next to you, it seems that everything inside you is turning over, and even your attitude towards yourself is changing. You strive to please the person who caused you such feelings, with all your might.

For this you are ready change your habits, sign up for a gym or visit plastic surgeon. Psychologists say that you can maintain a feeling for a long time, but only if you rarely see each other, know each other little and are far away. Falling in love is like an emotional hurricane that blows you away and gives you a feeling of euphoria. It seems to you that life was divided into before and after you met this person. It is important to learn how to manage yourself so as not to do stupid things under the influence of hormones and acute feelings.

What is love?

Of course, it is important to understand that there is also Love which is very different from love. The person we feel for this feeling, makes you want to take care and give your affection. You constantly want to be around, and separation seems like a real test. You can act quite deliberately and logically, feelings do not overshadow your mind. loving person ready to carry good not only in relation to his soulmate, but also in relation to others.

Who knew Love, differently relate to the feelings of other people, know how to show respect and compassion. Often love is transferred to the world, a person wants to smile at everyone and give an owl good mood. Most often, love is the result of hard work on yourself and on your partner, the desire to change yourself for the sake of someone and learn to live in peace and understanding. To keep love, you need to work long and hard.

What is the difference between love and infatuation?

Modern People are regularly interested in the terms, definitions and scientific discoveries of psychologists, therefore they know a lot of theory, having a lack of practice. Many people know that love and falling in love are two different feelings, but few can tell what their differences are. Love differs from falling in love with the stage of the relationship. It is impossible to immediately begin to love a person without having experienced love before. When you meet a person with whom you have a sympathy, first hormones kick in, your brain reacts sharply, everything seems new and unusual to you.

Often love reinforced by the realization that a person is a mystery to you, his body has not yet been explored, and his thoughts and actions cannot be predicted. After falling in love, love can come, but often this does not happen. You just enjoy a person, enjoy sex and communication with him, and then you realize that nothing binds you, and there is no point in being together further. If people are suitable for each other, then after falling in love, love appears, and they understand that they are destined to be together. It should be understood that these feelings are very different, they should not be confused.

What mistakes do people make when they confuse love with falling in love?

If not on time realize that this is not love, but simple love, then you can make a mistake in your actions. For example, getting married or marrying a person when you just have an emotional upsurge. Many people, succumbing to the acute feeling of falling in love, run to apply for marriage, but they do not even think about how temporary it is. It seems to them that they will have such passionate sex every day, and a person will forever remain an interesting unsolved mystery. But later certain time falling in love goes away, and love will replace it or not - this is a question. Also, during a period of heightened feelings, many renounce friends, spend all the time with their other half and are ready to change the environment, stop communicating with their parents, etc.

Love, of course, exists. Everyone understands differently what love is.

And yet - love is different:

1. Love for parents
2. love for a teacher who becomes a mentor and adviser for a person in the main questions about life;
3. and finally, love to my.

With the first three points, I think everything is clear.

But love for the opposite sex - is it love? Or is it just habit or attachment?

The question is ambiguous, as, however, and the answer to this question. Each couple, each love story is individual.

• Someone, at the beginning of a relationship, "drowns", blinded by love, forgets about everything in the world, soars in the clouds, seeing nothing in front of him, except for the object of his adoration;
• Someone soberly builds relationships, weighing every step and every word, but never knowing love as such.

Here another question arises. Unclear, which of these two couples is happier : the one that at the beginning of the relationship is given to impulses of passion, or the one that acts "at the behest" of the mind.

Love-match

Again, it is not a fact that the feelings that take hold in the first case are love. Rather, passion, and then, after a while, passions subside, life remains, children return common sense, and it’s good if, in addition to feelings, there are also common points of intersection, common interests. Indeed, often a person is not aware of his actions, it is like a veil before his eyes, and when the eyes are "cleared", it is already too late, and the couple either breaks up or remains to coexist with each other. There is no longer any talk of love. They don't even have anything to talk about. This is the truth of life. As a result -, the search for happiness at another pier.

Marriage based on sober choice

The second pair, given by me in the example, can get along well together. Measured relationships, planning children, respect for each other, affection - maybe sooner or later this will just become true love? In such a union, both a man and a woman cannot imagine their lives without each other, they have something to talk about, they speak the "same language", which cannot be said about the couple from the first example.

The topic voiced in the question can be developed for a very long time. Love in my mind - this is when you see a person, no matter how much time has passed since the beginning of the relationship - the heart begins to beat tremblingly, there is a kind of surge of emotions. With this person I want to spend everything free time without leaving him even for a moment. Honestly, I have not met in my environment such couples who, after 10-20-30 years of marriage, experience such feelings towards each other. At the same time, I don’t deny the existence of love, of course, it exists, but not everyone manages to find it.

The question "Is there love?" are asked by many who have experienced failure in love, been betrayed or live without feeling anything for anyone, including their partner. But those who live with a loved one, and every day melt away from the influx of feelings, they know for sure that she is and do not ask anyone about it.

So how does it happen that some scream that there is no love, that these are just fictions and vegetate alone, others enjoy it wonderful feeling and for decades they live in love, peace and harmony.

How does it happen that we look for it and wait, and when we find it, we say that it does not exist. What is the reason and how does it appear light feeling is it possible to save it to long years and how to find it? We will talk about this below, but for now, ask yourself the question of whether love exists. Here you answered for yourself, now we will answer you.

Love is the foundation

You yourself have just answered the question of whether there is love, most likely imagining the image of that person who is dear and with whom you would like to develop this bright feeling. Yes, there is love - it is the basis of all life and it begins from the very first days.
human life, with a mother's love for her child and a child's love for her mother. It is on this love that the beginning of each new life is based. But it grows with a person, now love for a mother is not enough and at the stage of puberty the body begins to demand another love - love for a person with whom you can create new life. A life born in love from love.

Same-sex love is rather a pathology of love, and for many, after a few years or even decades, it goes away. There are those who seek to look for people only of their own gender, but it sits in the head rather than in the heart, and if initially it was a mistake of the body, then it becomes a mistake of the mind. It is impossible to say for sure that there is no love in same-sex relationships, it is, but of a slightly different nature, it rather develops from hopelessness and on a person’s desire to be needed by someone, from the mind and does not live long.

How to understand that this is love?

When we meet people, relationships are established, we feel good, and we begin to think that this is it - love. However, after a while, such relationships begin to crumble due to the fact that we get to know the shortcomings of a person closer and some love begins to flow into irritation. At this stage, 80% of breakups happen and people begin to say that there is no love.

In fact, love does not develop, does not go away, does not arise - it just exists in the heart. Yes, it just exists and it depends only on you how you will give it an outlet. Each individual person shows his feelings in different ways, but the second person of the couple is also individual, their relationship, their love and living together- depends on the manifestations of one's own love. It is given to a person and only decides how to deal with it, give it or keep it deep under lock and key, without feeling it.

When you meet your man, who is also ready to give and feel his love - then one huge feeling is born, from which the ears are pawned and the heart is beating. This does not mean at all that if you give each other love there will be no quarrels, because they will all be individual, and again it depends on you how you will perceive these quarrels. Someone will proudly say that I will not call, and someone will step over pride with the words “I want to be happy, not proud” and dial the number where they are waiting for his call.

Those who feel this feeling do not ask such a question, but those who have not experienced it do not get tired of asking what it is. In this case, it is enough that when you really feel it, from the first moment when your feelings, internal energy will overwhelm you when every kiss will be a desire to give your feelings, and your eyes will shine. Many scientists have tried to explain what happens to a person at the moment of falling in love, who unanimously say that this state is like euphoria, that hormones are to blame for everything. Although the hormones themselves are the reaction of the body to the overflowing energy and this great feeling itself, pushing to rash acts.

When we constantly give love, it, like everything else in this world, dries up. And what can be said in such a case that it is not eternal? No! Like everything, love is required in constant nourishment to grow within you and never end. How can it end and how to save it:

Remember that love is your gift, which was given to you personally and lives inside you. When you can feel this love in your heart, open it to others and give freely, you will very soon find someone who
I am also ready to open my feelings and share them with you.

You must learn to accept people as they are, because you chose them yourself and your love should not become less because of their actions, your grievances and some kind of trouble. Otherwise, your gift will be lost, you will not be able to learn how to use it, and the body, tired of constant pain and nerves, will simply not be able to give anything, but will only demand the absorption of someone else's love. In this case, you may be comfortable, but you will not be able to feel love. It will be a forbidden and lost feeling that you will have to learn to feel again. Open your heart and don't be afraid to feel! There is love, and it lives in you!