Why does the child love the father more? "Why do children love their fathers more?" The child loves the father more than the mother.

Often there is a situation in which the child loves one of the parents more. The second parent is trying with all his might to win the location of the baby, but his efforts are in vain. What is the reason for such a phenomenon?

First, understand that the child most often does not understand how hard it is for the neglected parent. Therefore, do not rush to blame the baby for everything, attributing excessive "coldness" to him. However, you should not execute yourself either, because sometimes even all the tried methods are not suitable in order to change the child's attitude.

There is a widespread belief that daughters are most often more disposed towards their fathers, and sons towards their mothers. Although, of course, at the stage of growing up, children are often drawn to the parent of their own gender. It is impossible to say exactly who your child will be more disposed to - a lot depends on his character, characteristics of upbringing and other factors.

As the child grows older, he becomes more independent and begins to choose his friends based on his own habits and views. It is not surprising that he finds more common ground with one of his parents, because we are all different.

Analyze why the child loves dad more than mom. Perhaps he was only with his mother for a long time, and saw his father only on holidays? Then the desire to compensate for the lack of attention is more than justified.

Pay attention to how the father behaves with the child. Maybe the reason that the baby seeks to communicate with his dad is that the latter allows him everything? If a child receives toys and treats only from his father, knows that he will never be punished, then, of course, the father becomes a closer person for the child. Talk to your spouse and decide what tactics of behavior you will follow with him. Analyze whether it is always necessary to pamper the child like dad does, or occasionally it is necessary to show character, like mom does.

It is worth considering that sometimes it is difficult for children to build relationships with two parents at the same time. Therefore, a small child chooses a father who is physically stronger than his mother and can ride on his back, carry him in his arms, play "airplanes". This is not surprising, because in the first years of life, the child interacts with others precisely through the game, happily responding to the desire of one of the parents to play with him.

Do not be jealous of the child to the father. You will see, soon the child will be able to learn how to build relationships with both parents, if he sees that you are ready for this!

What to do if the child loves dad more, and when you try to approach the baby's bed or do something, the baby just ignores you? Do not be upset, in the life of all children, especially one-year-olds, there are times when all their love goes only to dad or mom. Don't take it so personally. We will show you how to deal with such a situation.

The child loves his father more Of course, when a baby chooses his father as his favorite, it is very difficult to endure his indifference towards himself. But it's not all bad. On the contrary, it indicates the correct emotional development of the baby, demonstrates his natural desire. In the same way, he will choose his friends, favorite food, fairy tales and toys in the future. These are the first manifestations of his sympathy and antipathy. You must remember when a baby gives a clear preference to your spouse - this does not mean at all that he rejects you. All these manifestations of love for one of the parents are nothing more than signs of the formation of the personality of the baby. In addition, when a child turns more than a year old, he begins to understand that dad and mom are the closest people to him. But since both dad and mom react completely differently to his behavior, the child has to be torn between two poles. For example, if the mother all the time makes concessions to the child, and the father forbids it, the baby will naturally choose the company of the mother.
Children are warmer to the one who spends more time with him As a rule, children are warmer to the parent who spends more time with him. But it also happens the other way around - the one whom the child rarely sees becomes the pet. The manner in which parents communicate is of great importance. For example, if a child sees that dad very rarely raises his voice at him, he always speaks gently, and almost never snaps with phrases: “Caution!” or "Don't go there", the baby will naturally prefer the company of dad.

mom and dad confrontation

Very often, parents themselves play along with the child, thus strengthening his addictions. Do not try to compete with your husband for the love of the baby. If the baby has already started playing with dad, do not bother them. Do not reproach the baby with phrases like: “Here you are kissing dad, playing with dad, but what about mom?”. Try to alternate between parenting responsibilities. If the baby ignores you, carefully hide your disappointment. Otherwise, he will start to manipulate. Let the baby know that his choice does not hurt you at all: “I see that you want to play with dad. Great!". The child's favorite toys or games will help to arrange him to himself. Group games in which all family members play are effective in such a situation.
Don't try to compete with your husband for the love of your baby. If your child cries every time your husband leaves for work, don't be upset. You should make it clear to the baby that you perfectly understand his feelings: “Do you want dad to stay? But he has to go to work! But I will be with you all day, and we will go with you to the zoo. So, if your baby has chosen his dad as his “favorite”, don’t be upset. This is a completely natural process. Remember: the cravings of the crumbs, especially up to two years of life, change every day. It even happens that the child begins to insist that, for example, you feed him, and only dad reads a fairy tale and puts him to bed.

"No! I want daddy to do it!"

Your three-year-old is squeezed between the bed and the closet, and with all his appearance shows that he will not allow you to help him get dressed.

“Daddy is at work now. Mom is here! I will help you".

When you try to get closer, he pushes you away with his little hands.

Resentment grows within you. “What makes dad so special? I'm here with you all day. And this is the thank you I get?” - you think to yourself.

How to deal with it?

It is not uncommon for children to prefer one parent to another. Sometimes - due to a change in parental roles: due to a move, after starting a new job, during illness or separation, parents can change responsibilities, and the parent who used to do this may not prepare breakfast, take him to kindergarten and put him to bed .

Sometimes this happens after the birth of a younger brother or sister. One parent takes more care of the baby, while the other spends more time with the older child.

And sometimes it's just because it's more fun to swim with dad. And my mother tells bedtime stories more interestingly.

Regardless of the reason, rejection by a child hurts. Thank God there are ways to deal with it and get through this difficult phase.

AdviсeFor"rejected» parent

• Learn to master your feelings

It is normal to experience a wide variety of feelings when a child pushes you away. Telling your child how you feel (“I feel sad when you yell “go away!”) is also normal. But tears, angry thoughts and painful feelings about this are better shared with someone from adults, and not with a child.

• Work on the bond between you and your child

If the relationship between you has become strained, take the time to strengthen the connection. Spend daily quality time only with each other. Participate in activities that your child enjoys or come up with "special" activities that both of you enjoy and are yours alone.

• Show empathy in difficult times

There will be times when the other parent will not be around and will not be able to come to the rescue of the child. At these moments, help the child survive the feelings that captured him, and then calmly draw boundaries. “I know you would like daddy to help you get dressed. It's hard when he's at work and your mommy helps you get dressed instead."

• Look for clues

This can be difficult to accept, but often there is much to learn from the parent whose company the child prefers. Perhaps the songs that dad sings while bathing help the child cope with the discomfort while washing his hair. Or a funny game that mom plays with a child in the morning, charges him with a good mood. Be yourself and at the same time consider whether you can borrow some good parenting habits from your husband (or wife).

• Treat Yourself Kindly

It's easy to get discouraged or question how good a mom you are when your child prefers dad's company (or vice versa). Remind yourself that this is just a phase. That you are the parent your child needs. And that your worth is not measured by how positively your child feels about you. If you can't deal with negative feelings on your own, seek support from a professional.

What about a parent who is "loved" more?

It can be hard to be a parent who is repulsed by your own child, but being a parent whom your child “loves” more can be just as difficult. You may feel helpless, embarrassed, and feel like you're torn between the two people you love the most.

Here are some tips for you:

• Support the “rejected” parent

It's easy to feel on horseback when a child turns to you for help. Instead of picking up his mood, encourage the child's dependence on the second parent. Remind your child that he is loved by a lot of people, including the parent from whom he prefers to be at a distance.

• Talk to your child about the common and special things about both parents.

When alone with a child without a second parent, emphasize what makes the latter special and unique. Pay attention to its advantages and strengths. Talk about things you both do well. Or ask your child to describe what he loves about both parents.

• Be careful with the feelings of the second parent

Remember that he may suffer from how close your relationship is. Even if the child's special attitude towards you gives rise to warm feelings in you, envy, jealousy, frustration and pain can lurk in the soul of the second parent. Put aside your pride and give these two the time and space to talk openly about their feelings. And remember, the situation can change exactly the opposite after a while, and you can be in the role of the “rejected”!

And finally...

Thank God, children grow and mature. Over time, the difference in their preferences will become a thing of the past, and they will realize that it is possible to love each parent in their own way. Until that time has come, breathe deeply. Find the source of strength within yourself, as if someone near and dear gave you many, many hugs and kisses. And smile softly when the child calls his beloved daddy to change a dirty diaper.

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1 Comment threads

3 thread replies

I raised you, because of you I did not sleep at night! And you ... You ride the train .. "It inspired .. Moms react like this when they see that the baby is very happy about his father's coming, when dad is at home, the child wants to communicate only with him, and some manipulations are entrusted exclusively to his beloved dad.

Someone will say "thank God!" and will go to drink tea with cookies, and someone is really offended, jealous and in all seriousness thinks that the child does not like them. Let's figure it out!

1. Until the age of 5-6, we are talking rather not about love, but about affection. Love is a very complex and multifaceted feeling. Saying "I love you!" - the baby copies your words and behavior. Therefore, we will continue to talk about love in terms of attachment.

2. Right up to the age of 5-6, attachment in children is unipolar, that is, a child can be attached to only one person at a time. When dad comes, the vector of affection goes to him, so there is a feeling that "mom is no longer needed." It's just that a child's brain is not capable of processing many attachments at the same time.

3. At the stage of growing up, there are different periods when attachment is more to mom, then to dad. This is normal, natural and, in general, wonderful! At least there is an opportunity to exhale when the “mom period” ends. Girls at 4-5 years old often become daddy's daughters, and boys, on the contrary. But both boys and girls at 2-3 years old, passing through the stage of attachment by the type of similarity, copy the parent of their gender. It's very cute and funny when a daughter paints her nails like a mom, and a son hammers nails like a dad.

4. If you have serious jealousy or you are really upset when the baby turns around, runs to dad and stops paying attention to you, you need to look not at the child, but inside yourself. To your inner child. He is jealous, he feels rejected and unloved. A real child has absolutely nothing to do with it. And this is what needs to be dealt with. Ideally, your child is an object of unconditional love, that is, he should be loved just like that, no matter what he gives in return. And when you expect manifestations of love from him (this is always pleasant, the question is whether it is a need), when you want him to love only you, you are upset when he “rejects” you, this means that the child becomes the object of your projection . To put it simply: “I love you in order to receive unconditional love in return. The love that I missed so much as a child. When a child becomes projective, a lot of problems arise from this both in the relationship and in the future for the child, but this is a completely different story. In short, if you have a feeling of rejection when the baby calmly plays with his dad, you need to go to a psychotherapist and deal with your childhood, everything will be safer. And you are even happier.

5. If you are just a little worried about whether the child loves you, whether he is attached to you, I will answer briefly: absolutely! In all senses. Of course he's attached to you! And he loves you unconditionally, that is, the way you are. When he does not pay attention to you, playing with dad, see item 2. What to do if the baby selflessly throws himself into the arms of his father and disappears there for the whole evening? Rejoice! And go quietly drink tea with cookies.

funny video

2 year old loves to throw. Look what happened when his parents bought him a basketball hoop!

In the life of almost every one-year-old baby, there come moments when he idolizes only his mother or only his father. Do not take his whims to heart.

September 20, 2009 · Text: Alisa Kobozeva· Photo: Dreamstime.com, Shutterstock

Until now, your baby has been an affectionate good boy. You never thought that he would learn to break hearts at such a young age. And the fact that he will reject you, you did not dream even in your worst nightmare. But now, as soon as you get closer to the cradle, the baby builds a displeased mine and yells loudly: “Dad-ah!” And when you try to entertain him with a book, a puzzle, or a new toy, he instantly loses interest in you as soon as his spouse enters the room.

When a baby chooses one of the parents as his favorite, it is very difficult to endure his indifference. But this behavior is by no means a cause for concern. On the contrary, it speaks of the correct emotional development of the child.

The desire of the baby to do everything on his own, including choosing his own friends, is completely natural. At this age, he already has favorite food, toys, fairy tales, and he openly declares his likes and dislikes.

“By making certain demands and setting his own rules, the baby determines for himself the boundaries of what is permitted in relations with his parents,” says developmental psychologist Tatyana Bednik, an expert at the center for providing psychological assistance to children and adolescents.

When a baby gives a clear preference to one of the parents, this does not mean at all that he rejects the second.

“Whims, stubbornness, rejection - all these negative manifestations are nothing more than signs of the formation of the child's personality", - explains the psychologist.

In addition, a baby over the age of one begins to realize that mom and dad are the closest people in his life. But since parents react differently to his behavior, the baby also behaves inconsistently, torn between two poles.

« If mom allows everything, but dad forbids it, the baby will choose mom's company, - says Evgenia Dushina, child and family psychotherapist, candidate of psychological sciences. − In addition, at this age it is very difficult for children to build relationships with two people at once.».

“Most often, the child begins to act up when his parents feed him, dress him or put him to bed,” says Tatyana Bednik. That is, we are talking about situations where parents are easiest to manipulate. As a rule, the baby shows his dislike in the presence of both parents. There are several reasons for this. “At this age, boys are very attached to their mothers, and girls to their fathers, but over time this passes,” says Evgenia Dushina.

“Sometimes a baby is warmer to a parent who spends more time with him or, conversely, to someone with whom he sees less often, trying to get his attention when meeting. In the latter case, the baby forgets about everything that surrounds him.

The behavior of the baby is also influenced by the way parents communicate: the one who plays more fun, whose voice is softer, who says “no” less often, he likes it more. If you constantly yell at him with the phrases “Be careful!” or “Don’t touch!”, the baby will prefer to explore the living room or kitchen in the company of your spouse.

The addictions of babies in the second year of life change daily. Sometimes a child may insist that his mother feed him, and only his father put him to bed.

“If the baby wrote you down as a “favorites”, do not express enthusiasm about this. If he imposed disgrace - do not be offended, do not shame him and do not make fun of your spouse, ”advises Tatyana Bednik.

“At this age, the attention of the child quickly switches to a new object. In just a couple of minutes, he will already forget about his whim, ”says Evgenia Dushina. However, for some babies, the indicated period is delayed, especially if he rarely sees one of the parents.

Mom vs Dad (The Great Confrontation)

Sometimes parents, without realizing it, play along with the baby, strengthening his addictions. Do not compete for the love of the crumbs. When the baby plays with dad, do not disturb them. Be careful and refrain from making comments like: “You kiss mom, but who will kiss dad?” Alternate parenting responsibilities. If the husband puts the baby to bed, and you only change diapers, a negative role will be assigned to you. And do not criticize your spouse, especially in the presence of the baby. If you do some little things differently, the baby will not feel bad from this.

Don't make an elephant out of a fly
If the baby ignores you, try to hide your disappointment, otherwise he will begin to manipulate you. Let him know that his behavior does not offend you at all: “I see that you want to be in the hands of dad. I am very happy about it!”

Use the game to get closer
Invite your child to play his favorite game or give him a new toy. But wait until he comes up to you to collect a pyramid of cubes or take a closer look at a funny plush animal. Come up with group games that the whole family can play: paint old wallpapers with paints, play a theatrical performance with the baby (choose a simple fairy tale that he knows well).

Don't get emotional
If the baby cries every time dad leaves for work, don't make a tragedy out of it. Show your baby that you understand his feelings: “I know you want dad to stay, but he has to go to work. But I'll be with you all day. We'll have a great time!"

Be tactful
If you are listed as a “favorites”, leave the child alone with dad from time to time so that they have the opportunity to get closer.

talk about it
To avoid quarrels with your spouse, discuss the behavior of the baby one on one and decide together how you will react when the whim repeats.

Pause
If the baby does not want to communicate with you, do what you love: a book, a call to a friend, a bath. Noticing that there was no reaction on your part, the child will quickly change anger to mercy.