How to stop talking to a friend without resentment. The hidden reasons why people stop being friends

Good afternoon, dear readers! It often seems to us that girlfriends are those with whom you can talk about everything in the world. You can raise and procrastinate any topic, express any of your emotions ... But still, if a friend is not a spiritual mentor, it is better to be careful in some matters. How to communicate with a friend? What conversations have a destructive effect?

Who are girlfriends?

Girls looking for friends different purposes:

• to go to a fitness club or to parties together;
• to have someone to talk to women's themes;
• for someone to support difficult situation so that there is someone to cry and speak out;
• so that someone regularly gives a weighty kick, motivating for new achievements;
• many are looking for like-minded people with whom they can develop together, discuss serious issues and find solutions together.

But no matter what the purpose of your friendship is, your friend is not a priest or a spiritual mentor. It is very good when you live with someone soul to soul and do not have any secrets. There are quite small list those that are forbidden to lift even with best friend. But be careful with him!

What should you never talk about with your friends?

1. Never be negative about your spouse. Even if he offended you. Ten years did not give flowers. Didn't appreciate your dinner. Even if he flirts with others. Or you have a suspicion of treason. If you haven't filed for divorce yet, don't discuss your spouse with anyone. Don't complain about him to your friends. Such complaints are very dangerous... They destroy your respect for your spouse, they destroy your relationship. You can only cry The Diary. Or - in difficult cases - to the priest, spiritual guide. AT last resort — good psychologist. Who will be able to correctly respond to your claims, and not add fuel to the fire with something like “oh, did he really do this to you ?! How could he?! Oh, you, my poor thing ... "What main danger? Discussing a person is already disrespectful. And complaining, saying something negative is really bad. In addition, a friend will remember all your quarrels, all the shortcomings of your husband, and you will read her attitude. Be sure to read, and never complain about your spouse. Even if you really want to.

2. One more addition: do not allow no one to judge your husband. Even if everyone sees that he was guilty. Late for a meeting, for example. Strictly suppress all disrespectful words about your spouse. Soon your acquaintances will understand that you do not tolerate such statements, and will begin to talk differently. And if not, think about how to stop communicating with these people.

3. Any gossip is destructive. Do not discuss events that you are not sure about, try not to talk about those who are not present nearby. This is not as strict as in the case of your spouse, but still undesirable. Gossip drains your energy and also saturates you with a judgmental mindset. You don't have to judge others. And try to look for the good in everything.

4. Be careful in everything that concerns your spiritual practice. You can only ask for advice from those who are much more experienced than you and are suitable for the role of a mentor. Otherwise, you can hear from a friend something that will be pleasant to you, but not useful. If you are in a spiritual crisis, a friend may say: “You have driven yourself too much with your austerities, take a short break, take a break from prayer.” Or vice versa: “You don’t read spiritual books much, you need to work hard.” But what will be really useful for you - ask your confessor.

5. Don't discuss the health of their children. And your health too. If you have any problems, see a doctor! And talking about how someone had what, only increase the maternal paranoia. Or vice versa, they set things up: “Katya also had it, and everything worked out.” Only a doctor advises on health! It's wild, but I constantly notice young mothers giving each other " people's councils» about treatment, recommend medicines, etc. Even on the Internet, at every step there are messages like: “The child has a rash, the stool is green, he has not eaten anything for three days. What to do?" Go to the doctor, and not listen to hundreds of other people's stories! Of course, in the simplest cases, you can go to an experienced friend. For example, what kind of cream to smear dry baby skin? But instead of asking your friends about illnesses and medicines, find out their reviews about doctors. And find yourself a doctor you really trust.

How to build a relationship with a friend?

If you are not getting along with a friend, pay attention to the following points:

• Friendship is not consumer relations. Here it is necessary not only to take, but also to give. Take the time to communicate, take the initiative, give gifts for no reason, say compliments, do not hesitate to call first ... When people see your enthusiasm and interest in their person, they often reciprocate.
• Be gentle, not all people normally perceive the disapproval of their beliefs. And if you think that this is evil, do not talk about it to the one whose children attend such institutions. At least until you are asked about it. And even when asked, think carefully about how to put it mildly.
• Ask more questions about the life and views of your friend. And listen carefully to the answers.
• If you know your friend's husband, communicate with him as neutrally as possible.
• And if, despite all this, a friend does not want to communicate with you, relax and let her go. Friendships have no value without reciprocity.

In this video dear positive girl helps to reconcile:

I tried to tell you how to behave with friends so that your communication is not destructive. Share this article on social networks, and subscribe to new blog posts. See you!

Instruction

Given the fact that this person was once the closest and dearest to you, try to do everything possible to make the separation painless. Talk to him, express everything that worries you, and - most importantly, convey it - to your former friend(friend, comrade, boyfriend, loved one) why you want to end your communication. Do this as delicately as possible without hurting your interlocutor. Remember that everything in this life is cyclical: if you hurt someone, it will return to you like a boomerang.

The person with whom you want to stop communicating must be clearly aware of the fact that you are not suitable for each other. Depending on the reason for the breakup, the whole process of breaking up also depends. If your friend or loved one is simply tired of you, has become uninteresting, make every effort not to make him a notorious person. Reduce communication to a minimum, but not abruptly, but gradually. If this has caused you serious harm or brings solid negative Of course, with such a person it is necessary to cut off relations abruptly and without a chance for rehabilitation.

There is also such an option when you seem to have decided to end the relationship, but still there are some doubts that prevent you from doing this. Then you just need to calm down and just talk to this person about what does not suit you in your relationship. Express everything that hurts, convey to the interlocutor the reason for your grief and resentment. Perhaps then he will realize his mistakes and sincerely ask for forgiveness.

After that, you should think about the life saying that true friends are easy to lose but hard to find. Remember that every time you decide to end a relationship, always weigh the pros and cons in advance and never do it in a hurry.

Sources:

• how to stop wanting someone

It doesn't matter why you decide to stop communication, but I want to do it painlessly. Scenes and showdowns attract few people and there are ways to avoid them. Make a decision, choose a method and prepare mentally for its implementation.

Instruction

The methods are universal and suitable for everyone. But first, consider whether you are doing. Perhaps the reason is not so tragic and the problem can be solved without. It is bad when a person makes a mistake, but everyone has the right to make a mistake.

Talk to the person frankly about your feelings and thoughts about your relationship. Avoid accusations - they encourage you to analyze the circumstances, talk only about yourself (I felt, I understood, me, etc.). Stick to the rules: don't insult, don't humiliate, don't blame.

Give time and opportunity to repent, correct. Hasn't changed and stayed the same? Then talk again, but already about the fact that you are breaking up with him.

Choose unambiguous expressions if you decide to stop communication forever. It is not necessary to create the impression that there is an opportunity to resume everything after a while or to set conditions: “if ... then ...”.

Can be stopped communication without talking, that is, to encourage him to stop calling you, coming to visit. Make it clear that you are not in a position to communicate. Start giving one-word answers to his questions: normal, everything is fine, there is nothing to tell, etc.

At phone calls refer to employment, saying goodbye, hang up.

Refuse to come to visit and do not invite to your place. If a person asks for himself, then find the reason why you cannot accept him in specified time, as well as before or after it.

Tip 3: What to do if there is no one to express all the pain

Happening in a person's life different situations some of them hurt. And I want to share my experiences, to tell someone about them. But there may not be a person nearby who is ready to listen to this, who will understand and support.

Those who are sick need to be shared, emotions need to be thrown out, and not stored in oneself. And it is the statement that gives the most top scores. In this case, friends provide great support, but if they are not there, you should not be upset, there are other ways to share your sadness.

Letters

You can write in a diary. Get a large diary or a beautiful notebook, and, as in youth, write down all the events of the day. It is important not to concentrate on trifles, but on experiences. You can write about those around you, blame them, or lament that you do not share their opinion. Keeping a diary is an opportunity to get distracted, and here it is important not to do it every day, but to choose your schedule as you like, and take it in hand. But try to make sure that no one reads it.

Psychologist

Remember that there is a special profession - a psychologist, he is engaged in listening to other people. His job is not only to learn about problems, but also to help solve them. You can find such a specialist in almost any city. There are psychological centers where there is different masters your business. You can find both paid and free consultations.

The doctor will not only listen, but also help get rid of pain, ask the right questions advise on how to proceed. Such communication allows you to change your life in a few months, to return joy and desire to be realized in it.

Nature

You can talk not only with people, but also with animals and plants. In order not to suffer alone, get yourself a dog or a cat. These amazing creatures they are very attached to the owners, enjoy spending time together and are excellent listeners. Of course, they will not answer you like a person, but they will never offend you, they will brighten up your life, bring joy.

If the animals require big care, then the flowers are less whimsical. Get yourself green plants, water them and share your joys and sorrows. Transplanting, fertilizing, spraying soothes. Any work with the earth allows you to harmonize your condition. And if it hurts a lot, go up to the flower and touch the soil with your fingers. Just stand on the ground and you will immediately feel better.

People sometimes do stupid things, causing pain to their loved ones and loved ones. This pain is difficult to endure, and you yourself must decide for yourself whether to forgive a person or not.

Instruction

If your loved one has hurt you, you should not keep it to yourself. Gather all your strength into a fist and try to talk to him. Explain what exactly you are dissatisfied with, what his act brought you similar negative emotions. Say that you love your offender, but do not want this to happen again. You need to let him know how hurt your feelings are. Most likely, your soulmate will realize his mistake, feel ashamed, apologize to you and do everything in order to similar situations no longer happened in your relationship.

After a frank confession and sincere repentance of your beloved and loved one You have a choice: to forgive or not to forgive. It all depends on what exactly the person did, and whether you are ready to accept him after such an act. If you value your relationship, most likely you will decide to restore peace and harmony in them.

If you do decide to forgive the offender, try never to remind him of what happened again, otherwise you will constantly quarrel and hurt each other. After you make up, spend joint work over mistakes. Whatever happens between you, it cannot be the fault of only one person. Most likely, in what happened there is a share of your fault.

Improve relationships with each other. Start respecting your soul mate and take care of her. Learn to spend time together not only in home environment but also in other places. Have fun and relax more often in the company of your loved one and your mutual friends. Rejoice in any pleasant little things and go through life with a smile. If you do not pay attention to problems and difficulties, but overcome them together, this will temper your relationship and make you an inseparable couple. When harmony and happiness reign between you, none of you will allow yourself to hurt your dear person.

If you are not ready to forgive your loved one, who, albeit not consciously, nevertheless hurt you very much, and decide to part with him because of this, most importantly, do not keep anger at him in the future. Release him and wish sincere happiness and well-being, if not with you, then with someone else. If you constantly remember your grievances, your pain will destroy you from the inside, so you will not be able to build new relationships that will make you happy.

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Question to a psychologist

In the 5th grade I met a friend, I usually just love to be friends with everyone, but when we met we had a lot of fun, she was open cheerful and did not hesitate when I arrived at next year she had already begun to behave strangely ... In the 7th grade, everything was completely bad, for example, she began to be very shy of everyone, saying that they were all evil and did not want to be friends with anyone, even a pen, if she lends it, then she is afraid to ask her, she is embarrassed of herself in kiosk to buy a jumper and I have to. Let's say I want to play already and be friends with others so that everyone knows me, but she is offended when I play with someone other than her or even talk, tell her something is wrong, she says that I bad. It’s already 8th grade and I noticed that classmates laugh at her, that she hunchbacks and always walks in the same thing for the 3rd year already. She is beautiful and tall, but shy of her height. I just don’t know what I want to stay at this school, but if I say that I don’t want to communicate with her, she will sit alone at the last desk (as always, and I want to sit at the first), and I sit with friends and look at her, like she picks her burrs I can’t, and all this is my conscience! JUST TELL ME HOW TO BE?! I can’t do this anymore ....

Psychologists Answers

Dear Ekaterina!

Being friends with your girlfriend doesn't mean you can't connect and be friends with other people. I don’t understand why you want to end your friendship with your girlfriend, in my opinion, you just need to dot the I, i.e. tell your friend that you want to sit on the first desk and go to the first, you can continue to communicate with her to the extent you see fit, but if your friend says that you are bad, the whole point is whether you believe her . big question why does she say that, i.e. when you do what she likes, you are good, and if you do what she does not like, you are bad, but this is at least strange, in my opinion. You are who you are, neither good nor bad, you have your own needs, such as communication, a friend has other needs, such as keeping you as her only friend, so she manipulates you by calling you bad in order to make you stay with her. She does it unconsciously, of course. It seems to me that it is inhuman and unfriendly to stop communicating with a friend and laugh with others at her stoop and shyness, so support her friendly relations as far as you are comfortable.

Sincerely, psychologist, Lilia Volzhenina, Novosibirsk

Hello Ekaterina! YOU ARE NOT responsible for other people and for your girlfriend TOO! SHE chooses HOW to communicate with others. You choose FOR YOURSELF - or sit with her and not deny her anything, so as not to hear that you are bad (and such relationships can no longer be called friendship - rather, it is more some kind of manipulation - she hides behind you, and if you - then you do it the way YOU want - then she doesn’t like it right away and she accuses you of this - i.e. she doesn’t allow you to be near her herself - because she doesn’t need it - she needs to hide behind you, but if you rebel, then he accuses you, causing you to feel guilty - this is NOT FRIENDSHIP!). She herself needs to understand herself - to understand that the problems are NOT in others, but in herself - that the roots of her constraint are in her, and not outside, she needs to free herself from complexes - BUT YOU CANNOT do this - only she herself, when it's ready for it. You can continue to communicate with her, BUT hear yourself - YOU DO NOT have to sacrifice your life just to please her - if you want to sit on the first desk - sit - this is YOUR life, YOUR study - the teacher will see you, you will study, to gain knowledge, and not try to hide it behind you - if she does NOT want to sit at the first desk - let her sit at the end - this is HER choice! if you want to communicate with others - COMMUNICATE - only, for example, when communicating, do not become like others and DO NOT LAUGH at that girl yourself, just do not support this direction, change the subject. You should not sacrifice your life to please her, if she accuses you of being a bad friend, then draw conclusions - she herself is not yet ready to FRIEND - friendship is acceptance of a person, and not an attempt to manipulate him with a goal use for yourself!!! allow yourself to be yourself! This is your choice!

Shenderova Elena. Moscow. You can work by phone, skype, watsapp.

Friends play a big role in our life social role: we trust them, we turn to them for support when we are depressed, we celebrate our successes with them. As we grow and develop, friendships can also change, unfortunately, sometimes not for the better. You may feel that your friendship has dried up. Most likely, you already have little in common, or perhaps friendship has begun to bring you negative emotions. Sometimes it becomes clear that such a relationship is time to end. But how to do this without unnecessary tantrums and scandals? In this article, we will help you figure out whether it is really worth ending friendships, and, if so, how to do it as gently as possible.

Steps

Rate Friendship

Consider whether you really want to cut this person out of your life. Ending a friendship can have a pretty big impact on your (and his) life, so don't take it hasty decisions if you're just angry. It is best to calm down, sit down and think; take a piece of paper and list the reasons why you are friends with this person, and then write down what you don't like. This will give a visual idea of ​​whether it is possible (and worthwhile) to keep the friendship or is it better to end it.

Think about whether you want to end the friendship with the person or try to fix things, perhaps the conflict is based on strong personality changes. It is likely that both of you have changed a lot, and you no longer have common ground. For example, if you made friends back in kindergarten and now you are teenagers, most likely you have different interests and values, and you are no longer compatible as friends.

Watch for signs that the friendship is starting to get you into trouble. Poison friendship is unhealthy relationships in which you feel like you are constantly being taken advantage of. If a friend often insults you, envies you and your other friends, lowers your self-esteem, if you feel bad morally after talking with him, most likely it's time to end such a friendship.

Give your friend a chance to change. If the good side outweigh the bad ones on your list, talk to a friend about the things that upset you, that hurt you. Perhaps these problems are quite simple to fix, and then you do not have to end the friendship. Remember that no one is perfect, maybe you could find ways to be a better friend too.

Gradually stop talking

1. Consider whether it's appropriate to end the friendship gradually and in stages, or if you just need to have a frank conversation with your friend. If this person is your best (or longtime) friend, you probably shouldn't use this tactic. If you just want to step back a bit (maybe go from friendly to friendly relations), phasing out communication might work. But if you want this person out of your life, the best thing to do is talk about it. However, you can get started by putting some distance between you.

   Be more unavailable. When a friend asks what your plans are, say you're busy. Tell him you can't spend time with him because you have homework/family time/religious activities to do. Try to talk on the phone with your friend less often and respond slowly to his messages. Conversations should be relatively short.

   • Remember that you can not be angry and harsh when communicating with a friend! You're not trying to hurt his feelings, so be polite and just say, "Sorry, I'm in a hurry right now!"
   • If you don't feel comfortable pretending to be busy when a friend calls you, then don't pretend: get really busy. Start doing something that is interesting to you, but not interesting to your friend. This way you can meet new people, get to know them, and you will have true reasons don't spend your free time with this friend.
   • Spend time with your other friends, communicate with family and friends more often, go for walks.

2. Do not share your thoughts with this friend. If before you always told your friend that you talked with your fan, or trusted her family problems stop doing it. Now the conversations should be more superficial, mostly about work and study.

   • If a friend wants to talk to you for hours about her boyfriend, find a way to avoid this conversation or just try to keep it as short as possible. You can tell a friend that you are busy, that you can’t talk right now, and that you only have five minutes to chat with her, and then you definitely need to run errands.

3. Don't make any hints on social media. If you immediately remove a friend / girlfriend from friends on a social network, all your subscribers will immediately understand that you have cut off contact with your friend, besides, this friend may not even know about it. If you abruptly remove a friend from all social networks, your decision to publicly end the friendship will ruin the plan for phasing out communication.

   • Instead of unfriending a person, simply "hide" your news and posts from them.

Be frank

1. Plan in advance what you are going to say. This is a difficult conversation, so it's better to immediately write down the reasons why you want to end the friendship, you can even write a script of actions. Since you are trying not to offend the person, the reasons should be clear and tactful, not just blaming the person.

   Sit next to a friend and tell them what's going on. If this person was your closest friend, this step must be taken in order to give him the opportunity to speak out. No need to email him e-mail or just a text message. Be direct (but not aggressive).

Can not be. Nevertheless, it is difficult to imagine a woman who has no girlfriends. They (friends) are part of every girl's life. Only with them they discuss new and old fans, test cosmetics, admire fashionable outfits, shopping, sitting in the kitchen for hours, pouring out their souls when there is nowhere else to go. Only with girlfriends (not with mothers or sisters) do they share the most secret and intimate details of their dates, erotic fantasies or suffering for a new gentleman or a new dress. Great happiness when such friendship is really sincere, real and goes through the years. But this rarely happens: often relationships end due to everyday problems, misunderstanding, envy, meanness, etc.

If this happened, how to stop communicating with a friend, so that, for example, not to make an enemy in her face? They (enemies) are completely useless, and a smart girl, a woman, break off relations just like that. This is the wisdom: friendship must be reduced to nothing, and at the same time part beautifully. And then you never know what happens in life? The earth is round, and the meeting can occur at the most fateful moment of life.

How to stop talking to a girlfriend: tips for girls

So, if for some reason you decide to end your friendship with another girl, then you can do it like this. For example, in open form tell her that you no longer want to communicate with her and that in the future there can be no trusting relationship between you.

However, this must be preceded by some specific event that showed a friend not with better side. How to stop communicating with a friend if, for example, she has become overly intrusive and allows herself incorrect actions that are unpleasant for you? To begin with, you can explain to a person in a tactful manner that his behavior is slightly out of line. accepted norms that she needs to take into account other people's needs, etc.

If this does not happen, then how to stop communicating with a girlfriend? Do this. At first, try to keep communication to a minimum: do not answer her invitations, refer to employment, avoid personal meetings with her under all sorts of pretexts. Having received 3-5 refusals, on the sixth she will understand that you clearly do not want to communicate with her. But don't answer the phone - it's just impolite. Moreover, you openly make it clear that you are ignoring the person. And this cannot be done. It is necessary to break the friendship in such a way that no one would guess that this was done intentionally. Then you will “save face” and you will not make an enemy. After you stop communicating with, think again whether it was done on emotions and whether you will regret it later.

As a conclusion

It is known that " Good friends don't roll on the road." If you are thinking how to stop communicating with a friend, then he was not such. With real comrades, I want to communicate as much as possible, meet, spend a lot of time together. Relations with them are valued, they are protected. And such a person, probably, was “neither a friend, nor an enemy, but just like that” ... In any case, breaking off any kind of relationship, it must be done while maintaining human dignity. Then you don't leave people bad impressions about yourself, which is very important for a normal, civilized person.