To understand whether love has passed or not. Troubled marriage: how to understand that love for your husband has passed

Ecology of relationships: If there is a crisis in a relationship, you need to sort it out. It is important to understand what connects you and realize that love cannot always be as strong as at the beginning. Many people break up when the inspiring feeling and passion wears off.

How to understand that love has passed? When should you break up? Photo: thinkstockphotos.com

If there is a crisis in a relationship, you need to figure it out. It is important to understand what connects you and realize that love cannot always be as strong as at the beginning. Many people break up when the inspiring feeling and passion wears off.

However, over time, feelings inevitably become calmer, while you discover more and more new sides in a person, get to know him.

How can you understand that love has really passed?

7 symptoms that feelings have gone away

1. The first sign is irritation. You begin to be annoyed by the habits and behavior of your once loved one. You suddenly notice that you don’t like the way he smells or the way he smiles. You notice flaws in his appearance.

2. You want to spend time together less and less. You are not in a hurry to get home from work, you each meet with your friends, and joint leisure does not bring joy and pleasure.

3. You have moved away from each other - you have stopped sharing your innermost thoughts and impressions, you have begun to communicate less often, you often become bored and even burdened in the company of your partner.

4. Missing sexual attraction. If sex has become perceived as a duty and does not bring much pleasure, this is a bad sign.

5. You have become indifferent to quarrels - you do not strive for reconciliation, you do not try to sort things out.

6. The person has stopped occupying your thoughts. During the day at work, you may not think about it even once. You don’t care about his problems and experiences - you just stopped thinking and caring about him.

7. Finally, imagine that the person you are with becomes seriously ill. Of course, such thoughts ordinary life you need to get rid of yourself. But it’s worth thinking about whether you are ready to care for a very sick person, whether you are ready to sacrifice something for him. Ask yourself and answer the question honestly. This way you can assess the depth of your feelings.

Do not cling to relationships if love has long grown into the habit of being together. Living with unloved person, you are only torturing each other. Listen to yourself, and if you don’t find in your heart the desire to maintain the relationship and rekindle your feelings, it’s time to leave.

Consider whether you are staying in a relationship out of fear of being alone. Perhaps you are afraid that you will not meet best person. Or the very prospect of finding your other half is frightening. In any case, there is no point in continuing such a relationship - this is a road to nowhere. Find the strength within yourself to let the person go.

What relationships should you end?

In what other situations should you think about breaking up?

If your relationship is built on control and manipulation. Don't let a person subjugate you and control your every step. If you encounter such an example of oppressive influence, it is better to end the relationship.

If your partner does not respect you - he constantly belittles you, criticizes your appearance and actions, makes unconstructive remarks.

If for some reason a person is embarrassed about your relationship - he doesn’t take you out with him, doesn’t want to introduce you to friends, keeps your relationship a secret. Your loved one should be proud of you.

Of course, saying goodbye to someone with whom you have many memories is not easy. Make this decision with confidence that you are doing the right thing.published

Love is a high and beautiful feeling, but often impermanent. Not everyone is able to realize in time that she has weakened and that protracted relationships no longer bring joy. Unfortunately, we often realize this too late, when it is not easy to break ties with a partner – even if he is already unloved. the site lists 13 signs that love has left you once happy couple, and it's time for you to think about finishing your novel.

When a woman for a long time is dating a man, then most likely she natural desire- marry him. Of course, there are many couples who do not want to legalize their relationship according to the most various reasons, but in such cases the partners usually make this decision together. But what should you do if for many years you have been in a relationship that not only does not lead to marriage - it simply does not develop? Is this really not your man and it's time to move on?

Abort long term relationship It can never be easy, especially if you have invested too much in them.

However, if you began to notice that a long-term romance gradually began to turn into a habit of being together, perhaps this is a reason to think that love has passed.

Unfortunately, in life it very often happens that feelings gradually fade away, unable to withstand quarrels, separations, difficulties, distances, changes or everyday problems. This is not easy to admit not only to your partner, but also, first of all, to yourself. It takes some people a long time to realize that love is no longer about you and your partner. So how do you know when it’s time to end a long-term relationship that’s going nowhere?

He always has excuses

When it all just started, your man ran to you at the first call, but now... Either he works late, then he feels bad, or his friend needs urgent help. In general, he finds dozens of reasons not to see you or not fulfill your request.

Of course, people don't have to stop what they're doing to please you. However, if the situation repeats itself constantly, this may indicate that your partner has lost interest in you.

Sex has become different

You no longer remember when last time did you have sex? Every time you, lying in bed, start to kiss your loved one, he turns away with the words: “I’m tired”? Of course, in every couple there are periods of “calm” - a streak of failures at work, health problems for loved ones, and others. stressful situations may temporarily dampen your sexual desire.

However, if the “black streak” lasts for quite a long time, this is a reason to think: maybe you are no longer attracted to each other?

There is another situation. There is sex, but it has ceased to suit you: it is no longer making love, but a set of mechanically performed movements. Has your partner's main goal become to satisfy only himself, but not you? Well, it seems he is no longer interested in the emotional component of a relationship with you.

He doesn't want a future together

Your man directly said that he does not want to get married, but you still hope to “re-educate” him? Unfortunately, many women think this way. Believe me, if he says that he is not going to get married, that means it is so.

Family psychologist Paul Coleman claims to have counseled dozens of women caught in the web of sticky, unproductive relationships and has learned one axiom: before being caught in a web, she always receives a warning. IN in this case- this is a direct and without concealment admission of reluctance to start a family. “There is a type of personality in which a person does nothing but give, but receives nothing in return. If you neglect your feelings, desires (in this case, marriage), thoughts for the sake of a relationship, then you need to run away from them,” says the expert.

He doesn't ask

When someone asks another person a question, it is sure sign that the interlocutor is interesting to him. It’s clear that in the first months of dating, your man tried to get to know you better and asked what films you watch and what literature you prefer. However, you should pay attention to something else. Does he ask how you are doing, how your day was, what the boss said about the project you completed, and whether the dish you chose at the restaurant was delicious? When your man stops asking these kinds of questions, it's a sure sign that he doesn't want to take care of you.

You gave up what you loved

You turned down career opportunities interesting acquaintances, friendship - and all for the sake of another person? “Looking back, you realize that you don’t have many things that would make you happy - for example, a good job, study, a favorite hobby. As a rule, those who behave In a similar way, forced to be content with little.

This style of behavior becomes so natural for people in unhealthy relationship“that they can’t imagine what it’s like to live their life,” Dr. Coleman comments on the problem. If you feel like life is passing you by, run away from this relationship before you miss out on something truly important!

You're in this relationship for no apparent reason

Many people continue to date each other for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with their feelings. Are you staying with this guy because it's time to get married? Because all your friends have already been to the registry office? Or maybe you just can't find more the right man? If the above, and not at all the pleasure of being next to a person, are your main motives, it’s time to think about whether you love him?

None of you make an effort

For a relationship to be harmonious, both partners must make some effort and think through how and where they spend time together. Of course, immediately after meeting, everything works out by itself - it’s easy and comfortable for you together, and you try to spend every minute of your free time together.

Over time, the butterflies in your stomach disappear and you have to find time for meetings. This in itself, of course, is not a reason for separation, but precisely because of the lack spending time together and many relationships end. If you don’t want to plan common leisure time, then this only means that your feelings are gradually fading away.

Abandonment of plans

You've already planned for a long time joint vacation, going to the theater, to a concert or a trip to someone’s parents. However, in Lately your partner began to evade your clarifying questions about the upcoming event and say that you still have plenty of time to resolve the issue... Of course, there is no need to panic yet, but psychologists say that this may be one of the signs of cooling in the relationship. If at this point you recognize yourself, then it’s time to think about why you don’t want to spend time with your man.

Your inner voice tells you to leave

How do you know when it's time to end a relationship? Sometimes you just know it. True, in order to take your own seriously inner voice, you must be in harmony with yourself.

Honestly answer the question: “Should I continue to be with this person?”

If you have doubts, ask yourself hundreds of times, and are also interested in the opinions of friends, mother and colleagues, then you definitely shouldn’t: you probably just fell out of love. Psychologists also advise rating on a scale from one to one hundred how happy you are with your partner. If less than seventy, then you should probably break up with your partner.

The bad outweighs the good

When one of the partners makes the other feel unhappy, controls him or destroys his self-esteem, this suggests that there is no talk of any love on his part. In this case, there is no other way out of the situation except to break up. Some relationships don't bring joy to either party, and you have to be honest with yourself first - this is simply not your man.

You always justify this relationship

“He’s not that bad... He has his own strengths,” is the phrase most often heard family therapists. Relationship experts say that women who utter such lines are well aware that the relationship is over, but simply cannot admit it to themselves. Many representatives of the fair sex feel a difference in their views on life with a partner, but for some reason they still convince themselves that everything is not so bad.

According to psychologists, when a person has doubts about the advisability of an affair, but is not ready to leave, he looks for excuses to stay, because this is the most easy way. Which, however, leads to nowhere.

You've lost yourself

If you find that in just a couple of years of a relationship you have changed internally beyond recognition, this is a signal to think about whether it’s time to do something. Of course, it's normal to change, but if you no longer remember yourself before meeting your partner, this should alert you. Honestly answer the question: “Did these changes have a positive impact on my character and well-being, or did I just do everything to make this person love me?” If you are leaning more towards the second option, you need to break off the relationship.

You evaluate relationships based only on the past or future

We all love to remember happy moments from the past - there is nothing wrong with that. However, you need to know when to stop - most of us, unfortunately, forget about this when it comes to a failed romance. Many people tend to devalue the bad present, because in the past the partner was almost an ideal: he carried him in his arms, paid attention, and cared for him.

“Now he has changed, but everything will definitely return to normal,” we console ourselves. Will not come back.

The other extreme is to rely on the future. You fantasize that when your man gets rich/stops drinking/marries you/becomes a father, everything will change and your relationship will be completely different - much better than it is now. In a word, console yourself with the illusory hope that tomorrow he will play by different rules and turn into ideal man. According to psychologists, it is precisely because of this self-deception that many women “get stuck” in relationships that they really don’t need. If you recognize yourself in these examples, we advise you to think about it, because in fact you love the wrong man who is next to you.

You love a person and think that you are simply made for each other. One day, you catch yourself thinking that love has passed. At first, you drive thoughts away by convincing yourself of the opposite, trying to reproduce in your memory only the happy moments spent together. But sometimes this doesn’t help either. How to understand that love has passed?

How everyday life kills love

In my youth, the relationship developed from love, which later grew into love, then into and, as well-wishers predicted, into a happy family life.

Myths about what spoils life romantic relationship were not amenable to conscious perception. But everything changed from the moment a child appeared in the family. The burden of care and responsibility for your beloved woman and child falls on your shoulders. You understand what you have to create best conditions for your family.

Trying to work like hell, without weekends and holidays, you only get dissatisfaction in return. At first it was an argument, then, for the reason that you do not devote enough time to your family. Explanations and persuasion did not help. The relationship became even worse as time passed.

When you ask the woman you love for advice, you hear the answer: “we’ll talk later,” “I don’t have time,” or “we’ll discuss it later.”

After hard working days, you want warmth, not quarrels and questions, you catch yourself thinking that it’s just difficult period, soon everything will change and will be as before.

But the situations kept repeating themselves, we stopped saying words of love to each other, spending time together and simply fell asleep under the same blanket.

One of these days you understand that love has passed, but responsibility and habit remained. As a result, the question arises: what to do? Should I leave my family to live on my own or continue to live as before?

You try to cling to at least some straw in order to dissuade yourself, but you understand that this is a fact. You look at the woman you once loved with completely different eyes..

Treason

The fact is not always the end of the relationship, but feelings cool down. Even in cases where repentance occurs, love passes.

When in personal relationships everything is fine, there is no need to change, but if something is missing, a replacement can be found on the side.

Initially, you try to evaluate yourself from the outside and understand what is wrong. Why did they cheat on you? You look at your partner, who assures you that everything happened by chance, and you no longer feel anything for this person.

At physical betrayal not only love passes, but also a feeling of mistrust and sometimes disgust appears. A woman who has betrayed at least once will have no future.

Parting, of course, is one of the most painful moments in the life of both partners. Here the principle: “It’s better to be alone than with just anyone,” comes in handy. Here are articles on the topic of infidelity on my blog:

How love goes because of jealousy

You can safely call it a disease, since sometimes it provokes actions that cannot be comprehended. A surge of emotions gives rise to suspicion when it seems that the woman you love is showing interest in someone.

First, you ask to reduce communication with this person, since every time you voice your suspicions, another conflict arises. Then you insist, and then you set the conditions, either I or he.

In cases where your partner is unable to accept your conditions, you understand that you were mistaken about the person and the feelings you experienced were simply not love.

Men are owners - that's a fact. Therefore, the desire to create for oneself comfortable conditions in a relationship, the first thing is prioritized. Now you know the signs of when you can say that love has passed. Let it go mutual love never passes and haunts us until old age!

Love cannot end overnight. So that you wake up in the morning and realize that suddenly you don’t need the person lying next to you. It fades gradually - due to quarrels, misunderstandings, or even because new love to another man.

How to understand that feelings are already far in the past? And what should you do to “not hit” your once loved one with your confession of indifference to him?

It is during such disagreements that the “race” in thoughts begins:

Where was I looking? I saw that he is a stubborn sheep, that he can’t prove anything, and what connects us anyway?

But my mother told me that he wouldn’t be any good! And why did I have to rush to marry him?

What a good boy my first high school boy was! It’s a pity that he’s already married, I would take him back!

A couple of minutes have passed since the quarrel, and how many nasty things have you already said in your mind about your husband! Moreover, if you are offended by your spouse and call the same mother in tears, she will gloatly confirm to you everything that is far-fetched. And with every quarrel it gets worse: you look at your husband with different eyes.

It is impossible to take away a woman's maternal instinct. In families where there are no children, love for a husband is often manifested through tenderness. But even if there is a child, the husband will still be the second child, no matter how brutal a male he is.

The only exceptions are infantile “women-daughters”. Yes, yes, those little girls who marry old daddies and live on their support. Mrs. Pink Brains. Or vice versa - “She-Wolves in sheep skins" But in such families there is no smell of love.

But truly loving families the husband will never be left without “maternal” care, although he will play second fiddle to the child. And this is how it shows up:

He must have a cutlet with the most fried flank – that’s how he likes it. And a richer puree. And pickled cucumber slices.

You can’t skimp on quality - he must have all the best: from soap and soap accessories to clothes.

The husband was tired and fell asleep - everyone should be silent at home! The child is at the computer with headphones, the cat is on the balcony, she is on Odnoklassniki on the phone.

By the way, you can read more about such manifestations of care in the chapter “From irritation to tenderness” from the article.

Feelings of tenderness, tenderness and tender pity for your spouse mean that the love in you is still deep. Neither quarrels, nor relatives, nor anyone at all can destroy it.

Because even after deep resentment, the realization comes that you and your husband cannot exist without each other, like a mother without small child. And relatives who pour “fuel on the fire,” on the contrary, confirm this even more.

But if these feelings have disappeared, and you don’t care what cutlet he likes, what he wears and how he feels, then this is already serious problem in a relationship. Love still more start fade away.

You get angry about everything:

He eats while sitting on the sofa in front of the TV with his feet on coffee table. Have you really not been embarrassed by anything about this before: this is a chair - they sit on it, this is a table - they eat at it.

It used to make you laugh out loud when he sings in the shower. And now I want to cover my ears: he yells in a bad voice, he’s embarrassed in front of the neighbors. You have reprimanded him more than once, but he just laughs it off. It's annoying!

Just recently you played with him in computer games. And now his hunched back at the monitor is annoying. He sits and does nothing around the house, his brain is like that of a teenager.

With the appearance of irritation, respect for the spouse disappears:

What makes me think that he is capable of more - he will sit on a pittance salary.

Nobody takes him seriously - neither the boss, nor my relatives. And his friends are generally losers.

And why am I having children from him? It would be a nightmare if his genes made themselves known when the children grew up.

You're happy when he disappears from home with his loser friends to go fishing somewhere for a couple of days. You can take a break from him for this time.

One more, and probably main feature the fact that the feelings have passed is complete indifference to him. You don't feel sexual attraction or jealousy. Just recently you were ready to grab the hair of a sexy neighbor who is making eyes at your husband, but now you don’t care about her.

You don’t deny sex as such, but that passion is no longer there. Foreplay and the sexual act itself are already so familiar and familiar that you give yourself up only for the sake of “ marital debt"without unnecessary emotions.

You won't hunt him down to find out if he's cheating on you or not. It's better for you not to know about him possible betrayals, just because you don’t want to hurt your own pride. The less you know the better you sleep.

You compare your husband with other men and not in his favor at all. No, as long as you don’t cheat on him, but you notice how much more beautiful, smarter, more successful and sexier other men are than him.

And you begin to understand that you don’t feel sorry for him at all. The fact that he starts begging you for sex, that he is offended that you are not jealous, and that you compare him with other men. You don't care about his feelings.

Never, not one is true loving wife, will not even allow the thought of cheating on her husband. She either needs to be tied up and raped or drunk into unconsciousness. There is no other way - love does not tolerate betrayal.

But it all starts with this comparison described above - when you stop respecting your own spouse, and other people’s men seem better than him. A little later you begin to accept their flirting, agree to have sex, and end up falling in love with some macho man.

You do not feel remorse - you are indifferent to your husband. You don't care if he finds out and files for divorce. In general, it’s not clear why you still live with him, because you don’t even have pity for him. Well, maybe children, relatives or some obligations stop me.

Stay or get divorced

But if nothing can be fixed, then do you think that a life of lies, unlove and indifference will be the norm for you and your spouse?

Do you think he doesn’t feel your irritated gaze on his back and doesn’t hear your sigh of relief when he’s about to leave the apartment? He hears and feels everything! So what to do?

Finally - an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. It’s like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any problems in your relationship at all.

And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her technique has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.

Ever since I started falling in love, I've been wondering where love goes after a relationship ends. And one more question - why in at a young age behind a short time we manage to go through several relationships (first love, etc...), and then we “get married” - we connect our lives with one person and live with him almost forever? Personally, this seems like a miracle to me.

How do you understand that love has left a once happy couple? Or understand that love never existed?

1. You don't want dates

When we are in love, we try to spend as much time as possible together, it doesn’t matter whether we go to a restaurant or just sit at home and watch a movie - the main thing is that we are together! If the thought that you will have to spend time alone with your husband (or him and his wife) seems sad to you and you are ready to go to great lengths to find reasons not to do this, this is a huge “red flag”. I have heard more than once from friends that they would be happy to meet, but to their chagrin, they have to go somewhere with their husband. If “evening with my husband”- this is a duty, not a pleasure, this means that the relationship has reached a dead end.

2. You are the only one “working on the relationship.”

Let's say you talked with your partner and came to the conclusion that you need, but you cannot get rid of the feeling that for your husband these are empty words and he agreed only so that you would fall behind. And only you schedule a consultation with family psychologist, you are preparing surprises to “spice up the relationship” without receiving anything in return or, even worse, receiving favors. It is difficult to accept the fact that love has passed and that the marriage has broken up - many cannot and live like this, maintaining appearances. Relationships are the responsibility of two.

3. Lack of sex.

We understand that over the years the desire for sex with a partner may not be as strong as before, but intimate relationships That's why they're intimate - they make people close. It is not for nothing that it is so difficult to forgive infidelity, and the betrayal of a partner is experienced so painfully and often leaves a wound for life. Of course there are happy marriages without sex, but I don’t believe in that. For me this is a sign that love is gone.

4. You make trouble in public

If you are one of those couples who feel uncomfortable around each other because you are constantly teasing each other, humiliating and even making scandals by raising your voice, and do not care at all about your reputation and the reputation of your husband, this is a sign that you are not each other love. If respect is lost (and yelling at a partner in public is a sign that there is no longer any question of respect), then there is no love either. More than once I have met people who say that “kicking is our style”, “that’s just how we communicate” - this never ends well. Either divorce or a terrible relationship. Negativity feeds on negativity, so there is no point in waiting for the good.

5. The reason for the scandals

You have been quarreling and making scandals for years for the same reason, it becomes a habit and the problem is not solved in any way - this is a sign unhappy marriage. A constant toxic scandal that never subside (once it starts) and makes people more and more divided will sooner or later undermine the relationship completely. Especially when it comes to money, habits, raising children and relationships with parents- these are the most pain points in any relationship and if your views on this do not coincide, then it is better not to start serious relationship. It's amazing what problems in life can be avoided if you give yourself the trouble to think before you decide to live together.

6. Life without him?

This is from my observations. Towards the end of my first marriage, I increasingly imagined life without my husband, and it seemed much better to me than with him. Thoughts are irrational and they appear before we realize them.

I hope that you will not have a situation in your life when you feel that there is no more love... Although, on the other hand, it is probably better to understand this as soon as possible and not to drag yourself into a relationship without love.