How long does a woman fall in love with her lover? How long does passion last? When the passion subsides

The word "passion" is quite common today. It is not something new, like “laser” or “computer,” or something abstruse or rare. which can raise a lot of questions. But still, this word, like any one that characterizes the area of ​​feelings, has many connotations, and it is worth figuring out which ones.

What is this feeling

What is passion? Efremova’s explanatory dictionary of the Russian language gives the following interpretation of this concept: “passion” is a strong feeling that arises on an instinctive level. This is a strong passion, craving or inclination towards something.

According to explanatory dictionary Dmitriev, the meaning of the word “passion” is defined as follows: a strong feeling, physical or sexual attraction of one person to another. It is also a healthy interest in some activity or profession.

Ushakov’s explanatory dictionary defines the term “passion” in a similar way. What is passion? This is a very strong sensual attraction that arises in a person subconsciously, instinctively.

Thus, after conducting a literary analysis, we can confidently say that this is still a feeling.

The seven most terrible human passions

Also quite often this term is used not to describe attraction to a person, but to describe it secret desires, which cannot be curbed.

Such passions include the seven of humanity. Many people know this legend. The list of sins includes: pride, gluttony, greed, laziness, envy, anger and lust.

These seven feelings and actions are considered passions because they are quite difficult to restrain. Each of us has been angry many times in our lives, sometimes unknowingly envied, or been too proud of ourselves, gluttonous or lazy, this is a self-evident fact. And this is another criterion for understanding what kind of feeling it is - passion.

Passion and love in adolescence

All people in life sooner or later experience the feeling of passion. And very often it happens that it is confused with love. Why is this happening?

This happens especially often in at a young age when young men and women first begin to experience feelings for opposite sex. Then teenagers confuse passion with love and often confuse themselves with this. After all, teenagers experience, rather, passion. What do feelings mean at this age? IN in this case they can be compared to falling in love. It's like It's not about at all sexual attraction. Girls fall in love with boys, and boys fall in love with girls. But they begin to experience love at a more conscious age.

"Adult" passions

If we talk about adults, it is worth noting that passion manifests itself a little differently in men and women.

Men in this issue more hot-tempered and reactive. If a man experiences passion for a woman, the object of his desire, then he becomes excited very quickly, blood rushes to the brain, figuratively speaking. A man tries to use all the methods and methods available to him to satisfy his desire as quickly as possible.

But when a woman experiences passion, her actions are more measured. Women tend to think a lot about different things and carry out analysis. Therefore, as a rule, a lady achieves the object of her desire less impulsively, becomes emotionally aroused more slowly, and tries to keep the situation under control, restraining passion. She guesses that such a phenomenon can lead to negative results.

Of course, sometimes the opposite happens. People are different, and everyone can behave in their own way, uncharacteristically, regardless of whether they are a woman. This is influenced by factors such as emotional and physical health, temperament, a person’s lifestyle or events that have happened or are happening in life.

How to recognize passion

As in adolescence, adults also tend to confuse the concepts of “love” and “passion”. What is love in adult life, is already becoming more clear. That it's not just fun, eternal candy-bouquet period, but also constant work on oneself, compromises, concessions and mutual understanding. But passion is a more frivolous and irresponsible feeling.

And often one might think that when we experience an irresistible attraction to a person, we love him. But you need to clearly understand that love is the spiritual closeness of two people, and passion is a feeling based on desire.

There are two basic differences between these feelings:

1) Manifestations of feelings. Of course, there can be no relationship between people, a man and a woman, without passion. But there is a difference. If relationships are built on passion, then in such a tandem, as a rule, people do not take into account the desires of other people, but only their own, since passion is a selfish feeling.

2) Transience. Passion arises quickly and can quickly “disappear” depending on various factors impact on humans. In most cases, when a person achieves what he wants, the passion fades. This is its difference from love. But sometimes it happens that passion develops into a stronger and deeper feeling.

Thus, everyone can understand and set a framework for the concept of “passion” in a slightly different way: what is infatuation, craving, love, and what is true love.

The Chemistry of Passion: How Long Does Passion Last? And why does love die?

It turns out that at the heart of the most strong feelings are just chemical processes

Where does love live?

The heart is considered to be the seat of love. In fact, the heart is not a source, but an indicator of love. Its desperate knocking, which everyone around seems to hear, its frightening interruptions let us know how strong this feeling is.

Anthropologist and Doctor of Science Helen Fisher knows where love lives. She found this out experimentally with the help of computed tomography and several dozen loving volunteers.

Love, it turns out, lives in the head, in the deepest and most ancient parts of the brain, which we inherited from our ancient ancestors - reptiles. This is where our basic, uncontrollable feelings and drives reside. It was these departments that became more active when a portrait of the object of their passion appeared before the eyes of the lovers. When they were shown a photo of a simply familiar person, no activation occurred.

But this is not chemistry yet, but physics.

Messengers and Messengers

For the fire of love to engulf us, the brain must send signals throughout the body. The signals are not electrical, but chemical, in the form of certain hormones, or more precisely, neurotransmitters. Scientists have also found out which ones: during romantic love, the content of dopamine, the goal hormone, as well as norepinephrine (adrenaline) increases in the blood.

At the same time, the content of serotonin, the pleasure hormone, decreases. As a result, love is strongly associated with suffering (lack of serotonin) and at the same time with high rise and inspiration (excess adrenaline). As for the main “culprit” - dopamine, it gives complete concentration on the subject of passion. He imperiously compels one to achieve a goal, to strive for the possession of such a desired object.

How long is the age of love?

And scientists know this. The state of ardent love lasts on average 12-17 months. This is, in principle, enough to achieve reciprocity or receive a final refusal. If the fire of passion burned longer, it would simply burn us to the ground, which is clearly not part of nature’s plans. Happy lovers would die from exhaustion, and rejected lovers would die from unbearable suffering.

But there are no rules without exceptions. IN in some cases love can last a very long time. Especially if this is unhappy love. For happy love Nature has a mechanism that turns a violent flame into an even fire of the hearth. For unhappy love there is no such mechanism - only the instinct of self-preservation. It doesn't always work.

Hormones vs hormones

When the goal is achieved, souls and bodies are united, the new stage relationships. During lovemaking, substances such as oxytocin and vasopressin are produced. These substances are related to the production of offspring, lactation, and also to the formation of those amazing relationships that connect mother and child. These are hormones of tenderness and affection.

These same substances suppress the production of “passion hormones”. Ardent love fades as affection grows.

The phase of quiet bliss is provided by nature for the period necessary to bear and feed the baby. Its duration is on average three years. In the fourth year, many relationships fall apart.

On the other hand, other couples demonstrate amazing vitality of feelings and relationships. But these are different feelings and different relationships. And they are connected not with the ancient, “reptilian”, but with the later, purely human structures of the brain. You can call it friendship, you can - eternal love. In any case, these feelings are another topic.

By the way

About the benefits of courtship

The “vitality” of relationships is largely determined by the speed of their development. Once the blinding passion subsides, we suddenly discover that the object of our adoration is not without its shortcomings. Why did he change so quickly?

In fact, he did not change, it’s just that in the heat of love we had neither the time nor the opportunity to see our chosen one.

A long period of courtship allows two people to get to know each other better and at least partially insure themselves against unpleasant discoveries.

Interesting

Cure for lovesickness

Is it possible to glue broken heart? Can. And knowledge of the chemistry of love will help with this.

Endorphins, nature's painkillers, play a key role in the bliss of shared love. They provide a general feeling of well-being. But these substances are released not only during skin-to-skin contact lovers. They are also produced when physical activity: Many people are familiar with the “runner’s high” – pleasant sensations related to stress, sports, and movement. The joy of movement - unlike the joy of love - is available to everyone and at any time. Anyone who knows this secret will not wither away from lovesickness.

Promote low level dark chocolate or lying on the sand by the sea will help with serotonin. And now life doesn’t seem so miserable.

But what about unspent dopamine - the “hunting hormone”, which is associated with the pursuit of a goal, with the pursuit of prey? It can be spent in pursuit of victory in sports. Any hunting, including fishing and mushroom picking, is a dopamine-filled activity. Gambling is from the same series. But the best thing is a career. Excess dopamine will allow you to quickly achieve professional growth: Having consumed this substance, you will forget about unhappy love.

Personal opinion

Maxim Dunaevsky, composer:

– The lifespan of passion is individual. It depends on temperament and on some external circumstances. There are also monogamous people. I know people like that, but in my opinion it's terrible boring people. Of course, the first feeling of “high note passion” passes, and if it is taken for love, then yes, love is fleeting. But ideally, passion should move into a more stable and strong relationship.

“He has another one! How to live now? From time to time you have to deal with such situations (mainly in the stories of clients).

The answer to the question depends on many things, and, among other things, on the length of the novel.

Seriously. The length of an affair affects many things, and today I will talk about the duration of an affair.

Let me make a reservation right away: these are not the results of research. Unfortunately, I have not seen any research on this topic. They probably exist, and perhaps they were even published in Russian, but I didn’t come across them.

Therefore, everything stated below is a summation of my observations of people.

So let's get started.

1. Preliminary stage “Accumulation of potential”. At this stage, future lovers are just looking at each other, just thinking about the possibility of an affair. They feel closeness, tremble and are nervous, suffer and worry. They want to be with each other more and more, they find more and more reasons to communicate. This condition can be called a voltage arc. How closer people become, the steeper the arc bends, the more potential accumulates.

The duration of this stage is deeply individual. It’s even difficult to roughly set deadlines here. Some have two seconds, some have twenty years. Therefore - no deadlines.

2. initial stage"Fireworks and butterflies in the stomach." The voltage arc cannot last forever; at some point it “bursts.” The steeper the arc, the stronger the “burst”. Fireworks begin, a flood of feelings, crazy sex, butterflies in the stomach, the sky in diamonds. This is absolutely the same stormy candy-bouquet period as in other respects. Hormones are rampant, the world is beautiful, the feeling of guilt is temporarily buried under the previously mentioned hormones.

The duration of the stage is approximately three months.

3. Inertial stage “Reduction of intensity”. Since the hormonal storm cannot last forever, after some time the calm begins. Meetings are still beautiful, the butterflies are there, but you can no longer feel them former passion. Together it’s just good, but nothing more. If earlier feeling there was no guilt, it may now appear.

The duration of the stage is approximately a month.

4. Stage of tension “Let’s decide!” Since the potential of the arc of tension has largely been exhausted, the intensity of passions has already subsided noticeably. Moreover, the subsidence of the hormone storm allows the brain to turn on. And this brain begins to ask awkward questions. They say that if you and I have a relationship, then you shouldn’t have any other relationships. And they exist (there is a husband or wife). This means, says the brain, that you should leave your disgusted spouse. Isn't that right? Isn't that right?

It seems to be correct and seems to be true, but for some reason no one leaves their disgusted spouse. As they perfectly showed in the film “What Else Men Talk About”: “You see, we have to wait a little…”

And at this moment, lovers begin to understand that the cloudless relationship they had two months ago is no longer so cloudless. Demands begin (“Get away from her!”), reproaches (“How long can this go on!?”) and other delights of a tense relationship.

Suddenly it turns out that the connection on the side is quite burdensome and, to be honest, carries with it many disadvantages. Before all this was not visible, but now it’s like a veil has fallen from our eyes.

The duration of this stage is approximately three months.

5. Decaying stage “I’ll definitely call.” The stage begins only if the fourth stage remains unsolved. If lovers do not dare to change the status quo, then their connection gradually becomes thinner. Fewer meetings, fewer calls, less interest in each other. If no one makes up their minds, if no one decides to make drastic changes (leave her husband, divorce his wife), then the romance will die out on its own. And the last phrase will be “I will definitely call.” Of course, no one calls...

The duration of this stage is about four months.

Is this always the case? As the most opinionated psychologist in the world, I would like to say yes, but scientific integrity stops me. It happens both ways. I just outlined some “average portrait”, something like general trends.

Now about what to do with all this. As you can see, it turns out interesting - the options for action greatly depend on the stage of the affair.

Firstly, it turns out that if you do nothing, the affair will end on its own (some people are lucky and don’t find out about anything at all).

Secondly, it turns out that in the second and third stages it is useless to do anything - the hormones have turned off the mind anyway. You can't reach him.

Thirdly, it seems that at the fourth stage there is no way to push on and demand a decision. A person will find himself between two fires and go to where the fire is smaller.

Fourthly, at the last, fifth stage, you can put pressure - most likely, then it will end faster and in favor of the marriage.

In general, there are many answers, which of them are correct is not for me to decide. Everything is very individual.

But I can say for sure - do not lead to betrayal. They are usually much more hassle than pleasure. It is better to resolve accumulated difficulties in relationships with your partner, rather than find an outlet in the person of a stranger.

That's all I have, thanks for your attention.

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How long does the affair last?: 502 comments

1. Nikita

   Good afternoon, I saw your next article in the media and decided to write. 1.5 months have passed since my last question. The wife and the children went on vacation to visit their grandfather (her first love lives there). I’ve gotten away from her, I don’t call, I don’t write, no conversations or goodies (I’ve been chasing her for half a year, flowers, gifts, compliments, I can’t live without you, let’s start over). Before leaving, she screamed that she didn’t care about the fate of the children and me, she herself wanted to be happy and manipulated, but now she has returned quiet (there are no living conditions there, Ukraine, village) here I left the apartment for the children, she has a good job (which I didn’t get ). She tries to reach out to the conversation through the children, reads books to them, takes them to entertainment, began to cook and clean the house (before that, everything fell on me, she constantly felt bad), doctors, signed up for clubs and gives gifts, while she tries to give me everywhere either report what she has done, or partially involve her in what she can do herself. I started showing up late at home, I don’t tell anything about myself, I just save money for new life. In the evenings and weekends he does not answer the phone as before, but continues to correspond with his lover. Love by correspondence began in January (an open gestalt, she sighed over it for 11 years, with me for 9), she went there in April and August (there was already 100% betrayal), as I understand it, now she has a feeling of guilt in front of the children? Divorce on October 5th, I think they will give me another 3-6 months. Two children (4 and 6). I understand correctly that if a feeling of guilt in front of the children arose, then soon it will begin in front of me (I was the only one who looked at the children from the moment she fell in love), now she is trying to prove that she good mom(and tell me about it in every possible way). I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to deprive my children of their childhood and family (they are already asking questions about why dad doesn’t cook for us, comes late, doesn’t wave at the window in the kindergarten), but I understand that the person doesn’t regret anything (it sounded cold - I’m sorry, I didn’t want it to happen like this, it just happened that way). For the sake of the children, perhaps I would forgive for a while until they grow up, but I walk around with the thought - if our entire family, for which I tried to build for 9 years and gave everything, was exchanged simply for conversations and correspondence, a person so easily betrayed, is it even worth it? For the sake of the children, trust him again.

2. Nikita

   Good afternoon, Pavel! I will describe the situation to the end, otherwise people usually don’t know how it all ended. Judging by external changes and towards me, the affair has been going on since last July. After the last return in August, the wife lasted 2 months. This weekend there was a breakdown (without telling me anything, I would look at the children, buy tickets to Kyiv, pack and hide a bag, make a custom-made gift), I knew all this, but didn’t say it. Having warned that I would go to my friends for the night, I left, an hour later I returned and my mother-in-law was sitting with the children (who had not looked after the children for 6 years, I let her go with the words - I will look after my children myself, I know everything, do this not decent). The wife left, bought her lover gifts and alcohol at duty free, paid for hotels and cafes, and returned only on Monday morning (in fact, for the first time she left the children without even warning). Divorce after 5 days (first hearing), even for the sake of the children I decided not to forgive her, she was just great mom, but now I’m really scared, the romance has already lasted for about 12-14 months, is it possible that at a distance it can last much longer than approximately described by you. (I’m just afraid to leave the children anymore, lest they be left unattended and her brain turns on). Thanks for the answer!

3. Anna

   Good afternoon, Pavel. I re-read your article a hundred times, Last year. Thank you for it, everything in it is accessible, reasonable and logical.
   Are there the same psychological patterns in a triangle situation, but if the mistress is pregnant? My family went through all the stages described in the article. The affair with another woman is already ongoing more than a year, during this time the husband left the family five times and after a while returned again. On at this stage he asks to return home again, but his husband’s mistress is pregnant and really wants to give birth to a child.
   We have been married for 19 years and have two children. During his departure, my husband kept in touch with the children, our communication with him was also every day, but in the form of correspondence in the messenger, there were no romantic overtones, only about children and various common interests. Every time he left was painful for me, I still love him and with my heart I want him back. But all this time I did not persuade him, all the parishes were on his initiative. I understand that if he returns, everything could happen again and that it would be wiser to finish this story for myself, but I know that I won’t do it. My question is what to do now with the presence of pregnancy. Or rather, not by presence; of course, it’s not up to me to decide, but only to her. Are there statistics on what happens in situations like this when a spouse’s bastard? How to behave correctly with that girl, because even an illegitimate child needs a father, and of course financial support. The husband convinces that he cannot live there, but that he is physically very attracted to this woman, that he believes that it is more correct to refuse to meet with her, but to support the child financially. And I still don’t understand how to get closer after all this? After all, he told me every time that he was not physically interested in me. We had sex during those periods when we were together, I don’t understand whether it was his desire or because it was necessary, because he came back. On my part there is both love and a desire for intimacy.

How long does passion last?

The aunt prompted me to start two topics. She seems like an adult, but she asks such stupid questions.

Always last. Periodically, sometimes a lot, sometimes nothing.

It cannot be controlled - that’s a fact. And the brain remembers feelings. So the only way out is to either date or break up. finally. and don't meet with him.

It cannot last for years, but under good circumstances it turns into calmer feelings, love, affection.

With a perfect match of temperaments.

We had an insane passion for three years, it was so intense that you could even climb the walls if you quarreled. Then it became quieter, calmer. Together for 7 years.

If anyone has had a similar relationship, how long did it last and how painfully did you experience the breakup?

IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE AN EVEN GREATER PASSION WITH EVERY MONTH.

This has been going on for us for 5 years now, we can’t fall asleep together.

In my mind, I understand that it’s just some kind of chemistry—hormones in the blood, and outwardly even he’s not exactly my type, but it’s like there’s some kind of veil before my eyes when we’re together. And now I can’t break it anymore.

It lasted 6 years for me. And in one moment it was cut off by hand! Now it started again with another 2 years in captivity. I wonder when this time will end.

Near three years, and then I had a child, and he had more important things to do.

The topic was created in 12, it would be interesting to hear the author’s answer today

I've been dating for a month married lover, from the very first meeting we were very passionate about each other, there was a very strong physical attraction. It's very strong and nice feeling, but unfortunately it is not durable and we have no future. I feel like I’m stuck, it’s like a drug, if you take it away you’ll experience withdrawal symptoms. I heard that passion passes faster in men. Sometimes I regret that I got involved in this, but now it’s too late to control the mind, it doesn’t lend itself to control, although I understand that it can be very painful. If anyone has had a similar relationship, how long did it last and how painfully did you experience the breakup?

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Source:
How long does passion last?
I have been dating my married lover for a month, from the very first meeting we were very passionate about each other, there is a very strong physical attraction. This is a very strong and pleasant feeling, but unfortunately it does not last long and we have no future. I feel like I'm stuck
http://www.woman.ru/relations/men/thread/4179635/

How long does passion last between a man and a woman?

The question is not very correct, because... a certain pattern of behavior is laid down, compliance with which is the input condition for posing the question.

Passion (and love) like trigger, turning off any interest in other members of the opposite sex - a setting more typical of most women than most men.

Therefore, if you ask how long a man’s interest in a woman turns off due to the appearance of a certain superwoman in his life, that’s one thing.
But if you are interested in the duration of exceptional passion for a woman in general, the period will be different.

There are no clear boundaries. I judge by myself.

Basically, I am one of those people who focuses heavily on the one I love. And he hardly notices strangers.
However, there were precedents.
A possible explanation is:
when you are loved and desired, self-esteem automatically soars,
and the sea seems to be knee-deep, and a little affair finds you on its own, it happens “easily and naturally”, without any special remorse, etc.
But it does not become a system! After all, you understand that you only really need your beloved, she is the best.

That is, you notice other people’s charms, but don’t look for them! And these are different things.
How long does passion last?
Chemists say about three years, it seems.
In my opinion, if you shake it before use, it will last almost forever.