Feminine guy: character, appearance, figure, behavior. How gay people decide when they meet who will play an active role and who will play a passive one

Who are gay people and whether their behavior is normal, people have been arguing for centuries. For many centuries, lovers of same-sex love were expelled from society, imprisoned, and executed. Now they are much more tolerant. The question remains: is homosexuality a disease or a norm?

Who are homosexuals?

The concept of "gay" has many interpretations. The etymology of the term is believed to come from English word“carefree, cheerful”, the meaning of which at some historical point in time expanded and began to denote a person indulging in voluptuousness. Later, representatives of the gay community were considered carriers of a special self-consciousness, they were members of an entire subculture. Who are gay people now: just people with a different sexual orientation. Neither the openly declaring his preferences, nor the hidden, latent homosexual are not an innovation today.

Causes of homosexuality

Homosexuality: a disease or just a sexual variation - that's what society has been arguing for centuries. Scientists insist that such behavior is not deviant at all: in nature, male animals also often give preference to their own. Mother nature did not make an exception with people. So more often - gays are born. Sometimes it is acquired and depends on upbringing.

What are active and passive gays?

In society, when answering the question of what kind of gays are, it is customary to divide them into active and passive. Among homosexual individuals, dominants are often distinguished, that is, active, and slaves are passive. IN sexual life preferences change frequently, and social roles are rarely divided into male and female, so the question of passivity and activity is very controversial. Who are active gays, and who are passive, we will understand further.

Active homosexual

Where active gays come from can be difficult to determine. Who are gay assets, by outward signs often impossible to tell. Active homosexuals can look brutal, so they often look like heterosexual men. Activity is shown in love relationships they dominate the partner and play the role of a man - they protect and take care of their beloved.

Punk

It's easy to see why people become passive gay. A man recognizes himself as a woman and wants to act as the weaker sex, allows himself to be taken care of in everyday life, and his partner dominates in bed. Passives often look more feminine than most men, have refined manners, and are emphatically polite.

How to recognize a gay?

There is only one one hundred percent way how to identify a gay: learn about his homosexuality from himself. Other signs:

1. He behaves like gays behave: he walks down the street with a representative of his gender, holding hands, kissing.
2. Does not pay attention to girls, does not converge with them or converges, but does not make attempts to build a relationship.
3. He hides his personal life, shirks about inquiries about his soulmate.
4. Extremely sensitive to attacks against sexual minorities.

What do gays look like?

How to recognize a gay among others? Almost nothing! Often this is not even possible experienced psychologists, since representatives of the sexual minority do not outwardly differ from heterosexuals. But knowing which ear gays pierce or which finger they wear a ring on, one can determine one of them: homosexuals themselves invent attributes for themselves in order to highlight their otherness. So, wedding ring on the little finger - a sign of supporters of same-sex love. Few people know that even such an insignificant detail as an earring in the right ear speaks of belonging to the gay community.

How do gays live?

Homosexual men, as a rule, are no different from the rest of their sex. They perceive themselves as they are, live in harmony with themselves and the world around them, do not shout about their belonging. After all, between sexual orientation and cultural life there is nothing in common. There is a separate layer of aggressive homosexuals who participate in parades and processions, dress brightly and flashily, trying to shock the public and are condemned by society.

How do gays make love?

There is controversy about how gay men have sex. Some believe that partners assign themselves sexual roles once and for all and do not change them. Others hold the view that everything depends on specific individuals, and one homosexual can be an asset in one pair and a liability in another. Even within one sexual relations roles change frequently.

How to get rid of homosexuality?

Contrary to many opinions, homosexuality is not a disease. Craving for the same sex is laid genetically. Even Sigmund Freud called it a variation of sexual function. However, the question arises whether it is possible to cure a gay man who became gay as a result of trauma, abuse or mental disorders. It is possible to restore it, but it is not a fact that the former sexual preferences will return to him.

10 myths about homosexuality

Here are some myths about homosexuality to reassure homophobes.

1. Same-sex relationships are a fashion trend. existed at all times, starting from antiquity, where it was even exalted.
2. Homosexuality is a disease. Even in nature, up to 10 percent of creatures practice same-sex relationships.
3. All representatives gay feminine: this is only a prescribed type of gender behavior, in fact, among the representatives of this minority there are many strong, courageous, absolutely brutal people.
4. All gay men are fashion addicts: we are all people, someone loves fashion and understands it, someone does not care about it.
5. You can't trust boys like that: Scientific research prove that there is no connection between pedophilia and homosexuality.
6. Same-sex relationships are not serious, for once: history knows many examples strong marriages and love to the grave.
7. There can be no marriage between same-sex partners because they are not capable of raising healthy children. Again, as history shows, sometimes families with only two dads are harmonious and complete.
8. This is inherited: the homosexuality gene has not been proven in nature, it all depends more on upbringing.
9. All representatives of this sexual minority are divided into active and passive: not at all, like heterosexuals, they practice different sexual roles.
10. The main disease in the gay community is AIDS. HIV can infect people of any sexual orientation, business in protection or lack thereof.

famous gays

Society has been familiar with the concept of homosexuality for a long time. There have been gay people at all times and many of them have influenced the development of our civilization:

Films about homosexuals

Feature-length films about homosexuals began to appear in the 1980s. These were often dramas or deep melodramas, because society in those days did not accept such strange love:

1. "Old friend", 1984 - about the fight against AIDS.
2. "Maurice", 1987 - about trying to hide relationships in a refined English society.
3. "Philadelphia", 1992 - about the struggle of minorities for their rights.

With the advent of the melodrama "Brokeback Mountain" in 2005, films about strong male love became more. These are simple melodramas about love (no matter what gender she is):

1. "Weekend"(2011) - excellent melodrama.
2. "Harvey Milk"(2008). This topic remains a problem in society.
3. "50 Shades of Blue"(not a parody, but a deep complex drama).
4. "Story bad boy» and others.

Let's start with the terminology.

Among gays, there are not only assets (people who use an erect penis during intercourse) and liabilities (people who take a penis, recipients), but also generalists (people who, according to circumstances, play both one and the other role).

Often the choice of role depends on the specific partner and specific circumstances.

From my experience, I can say that people often act as assets:

Those who consider themselves straight (“my wife didn’t let me, I’ll go out of spite and sleep with a man” - these people do not recognize themselves as gay or bisexual).

Often assets are people who artificially limit themselves in universal contact (“I am afraid to take a member into myself, I am afraid that it will be painful or dirty, I will pretend that this is not interesting to me”).

In turn, liabilities can be:

People who want to feel weak with a partner;

People who are confident that they have sexual shortcomings (uncertain erection, too fast ejaculation, small or excessively large penis);

All the same bisexuals who consider themselves straight, but want to feel what a woman feels, and practice homosexual relationships as an extension of their experience.

For the most part, gays and lesbians are universal partners. Not always and not with everyone (it all depends on how pleasant the partner is, what fantasies and associations he evokes, in the end, what he wants and what you want at this moment).

And yet, how do they decide who will be an asset and who will be a liability?

If we are talking about partners who have established themselves in their interests, the issue is discussed during an acquaintance or right before sexual intercourse: "I clearly know what I like and what I want - I tell you about it in advance." The discussion is the same as if two adults were not on a date, but at the signing of a cooperation agreement, and agreed not to sexual preferences but about rights and obligations.

If there is interest in such contacts, but there is no experience yet, they agree to try something, and postpone something for later. Do not insist or force.

After all, who will forbid during love game suddenly take and do something else that both wanted? Change position, role, duration.

In the end, human sex differs from animal sex in that in it we continue the race only a few times in our lives, and the rest of the time we enjoy: different, new, unusual, again and again expanding the boundaries of what is permitted, liberating ourselves and our partner.

In this sense (and this is no longer the question) I tend to perceive any sex between any two or more people as part of the evolutionary process. And two sexual partners are bisexual - after all, what is most important in sex, if not a variety of experiences?

Restriction of sexual relations by sex, age, national characteristics is a product of religions and state norms. Over time, restrictions are transformed, strengthened or canceled. Just like laws or exchange rates.

For example, in Ancient Rome or at Ancient East homosexual relationships were considered more valuable than heterosexual ones, and today in some African tribes sex life boys begins at the age of 10 with contact with the father (the so-called initiation and "transfer of male power"). In the Middle Ages, people got married at the age of 12 and often died before they even reached thirty, and today in the Caucasian regions civil unions arise at the age of 14-15. These vowel and unspoken norms are not clear to us, but are enshrined by those who live in these norms. So different morality gives rise to different restrictions on sexual relations between people.

Understanding this, we can, but should not succumb to state, religious and other artificial restrictions, guided only by the norms of personal values ​​and having secured the unconditional understanding and consent of our potential sexual partners.

Let me remind you that procreation in the total volume of sexual relations is an episodic thing. When humanity finds the strength to admit that sex is more (ok, not only) a way of reproduction, but another way of successful interpersonal communication: bodily, mutually pleasant and diverse, it will admit that it has found another way to successfully find a common language.

Not to fight, but to communicate.

At 28 I became gay. The issue is that I have not one partner, but a company of young guys from 18 to 22 years old. In the role of a liability, I am alone, and they are young. I like everything, even very much, but sometimes sex happens very often and the guys are sometimes under the closet, which lengthens the time of sex and there are up to five partners per night. I feel no discomfort despite the fact that two of them have far from small penises. This has been going on for 2 years now and I really want it to last forever. For me it is not harmful in particular to the anus.

I became passive gay at 28

Hello Dima.

It's not bad for me

At what plan? If you are writing

I really want this to last forever

then it’s unlikely that you want this relationship to end, if you want to continue it, everything suits you, it’s unlikely that someone’s words about benefit or harm will make you give up what gives you pleasure, satisfies some of your needs. I suppose that in this way you get a feeling of your need, importance. You may also have some other feelings. Which?

in particular for the anus.

As for the anus, human nature is not meant for sex (although many people have anal sex and are unlikely to stop). The mucous membrane of the anal canal and rectum is quite thin and easily damaged. As a result, cracks can form, which can become inflamed, become chronic. With frequent mechanical impact on the anal area, weakness of the anal sphincter may occur, which can lead to the inability to control one's bowel movements, to prolapse of the rectum. A proctologist will tell you more precisely and in detail about this if you contact him for an appointment.

Sincerely, Olga Poznyak.

I became passive gay at 28

Good afternoon, Dima

For me it is not harmful in particular for the anus

From a medical point of view, this is not useful, for sure. The intestinal microflora is disrupted mechanical influences microcracks appear, which can develop into more serious illness especially hemorrhoids. Because you have multiple sexual partners, your risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, increases
But since you like the process and you clearly do not intend to give it up, take care of your health using condoms and special lubricants in sex, as well as regularly (at least once every six months) visiting a proctologist in order to detect health problems in a timely manner if they appear
Sincerely, Zavgorodnyaya Yulia

Our expert - psychoanalyst, art therapist Anna Harutyunyan.

Like in a dream

Sluggish, inhibited children can be seen already in infancy: after sucking their breasts, they immediately fall asleep, even crying, as if reluctantly. An older child is difficult to interest and encourage to do something. They say about this: "As if he is sleeping on the go."

Passive children also outwardly differ from their peers: they often suffer from overweight, and even in boys, the distribution of body fat follows female type: full hips, wide pelvis And narrow shoulders. Such children are awkward, poorly coordinated. Questions are answered in one word. They avoid playing with their peers, and often by force: because of their inactivity and stiffness, they simply cannot keep up with active children.

But they are the joy of the teacher and the dream of any working mother: they sit in the lesson without moving, faithfully looking into the eyes of the teacher, and at home, having obediently eaten lunch, they quietly play.

Of course, in such passivity there is genetic predisposition, but at the same time, we can say that the seeds lay on fertile ground.

It's easier to be a trio

There is an explanation for the child's passivity: it is due to some weakness of the nervous system, just like in hyperactive children. Only in the super-mobile suffer the processes of inhibition, while in the passive - the processes of excitation. But in both cases nervous system depleted quickly.

It is necessary to encourage the child to be active as soon as possible - as soon as you notice his excessive inertia. You still have time ahead of you. True, psychologists say that at the age of 10-12, the so-called self-stimulation can occur, and the child, realizing how comfortable he is, will stubbornly defend his own behavior. It is easier for him to be a quiet C student, he has no desire for victory, for success, he avoids responsibility at all costs.

Five prohibitions for parents

What not to do with such children:

• You can't force them to do their homework right after school. Take a break for 3-4 hours. It is best for the child to spend this time on fresh air and on the move. If he wants to sleep a little, let him.
• Don't force your child to redo written assignments over and over again if he hasn't been able to complete them accurately. The child will be tired, nervously exhausted and as a result will have a negative attitude to learning in general.
• Do not leave a child without parental supervision during any homework. "Sleeping Beauty" can sit behind desk or washing dishes for hours, but to no avail. You need to calmly but persistently direct the efforts of the child to complete the assigned tasks.
• Do not force your child to participate in active team games such as football, for example. He will not be able to keep up with the ball or the puck because of his slowness, and this will annoy his peers. As a result, both sides will be offended.
• Do not ridicule or punish the "turtle" for being slow. Do not set him as an example of more active peers, otherwise the child will close in on himself, and trust in you as a parent will disappear. Kindness and patience will help the child to adapt faster.

Support Group

For slow children pauses during execution are very important homework. Moreover, the more complex the subject, the more often these pauses should be. For example, while solving problems in mathematics, it is recommended to break every 5-7 minutes, and when reading - every 20 minutes.

Try to involve passive children in outdoor games that require independent decisions. Games are also useful for them, where “quiet” and “active” moments alternate, for example, the game “The Sea Worries”, when children are invited to freeze in a certain position, then again actively move.

Psychologists advise. But, since they are unable to command, group lessons(such children do not keep up with their peers), at first you will have to deal with “myamliks” individually. Try to play with them, adjusting to their pace, and motivate the "mumblers", for example: "If we run now, we'll go to the cinema together in the evening."

Often passive. They say about them: "Porridge in the mouth." If this is your case, consult your child with a speech therapist. With a diagnosis of "dysarthria" (gross violations in the pronunciation of sounds), you will have to go to speech therapy group. As a rule, such speech disorders are corrected.

It is possible that some subject at school is given to the baby easier than others. Pay attention to this and try to captivate the child with this subject. Help and extra classes in a circle (especially since passive children are initially assiduous), and the right motivation. Success will bring self-confidence to the child and, in addition, help determine the future profession.