How nice to refuse a meeting. How to politely refuse a guy without offending him

Some people are so persistent that they are not even used to considering other people's opinions, which may not coincide with theirs. A guy is trying hard to ask you out on a date, but you don't want to? How to cancel a date?

Say a firm "No"

If you do not want to go on a date at all, and are full of determination, it is better say a stern, firm "No" to a stubborn boyfriend. In this case, he will understand everything as he should understand, and will not have any illusions about this.

Refuse politely

Consider how you can refuse a date with a person politely, gently, so that he does not take offense(although this, of course, is his problem if he is offended). Do not refer to any personal qualities of a guy, just say you can't go, give a reason. If it is strong enough, the applicant for a date with you will understand everything, and vice versa - if you say that you just don’t want to and that’s it, this will further spur the guy to active persuasion.

Cast aside your doubts

You need to speak decisively about your refusal of a date. so as not to awaken in the heart of the applicant the hope that you will change your mind again, or that he will be able to convince you of the opposite. In no case do not give in to persuasion, because this will make both of you worry and get nervous.

Say what you want to say

In case you are still not sure whether you want to go on a date with this guy or not, and you need to think for a while, just say so - he will understand. 'Cause it's true, and sincere words always better than the sweetest lie. You will not be blamed for anything later.

State the reasons for rejection, whatever they may be

Whatever your reasons for not dating, state them.. And although at first glance they seem insignificant, serious reasons you don’t need to think up a date, otherwise you will get confused in own words . But you don't want to be caught in a lie, you don't want to be considered a liar, do you? Then speak only the truth.

Date can be rescheduled

It seems that you want to go on a date, but you can't because of lack of time. In this case, you do not need to refuse, just offer to transfer your romantic meeting Next day. Think together and decide which day and time will work for both of you.

A person by nature is inclined to look for a soul mate similar to himself: the same principles, understanding, outlook on life and other positions become a criterion for choosing a partner.

Rarely do girls manage to meet that one guy, although other males constantly offer to meet.

In this situation, a difficulty arises: how to politely refuse a meeting with a man so that he remains calm.

To beautifully refuse a guy without offending him, we offer several effective and simple tips.

The need to refuse a guy an offer to meet arises quite often.

Girls may not like the style of behavior young man, his rudeness, excessive pathos, rudeness and assertiveness.

Former boyfriends can also often pursue girls who decide to start a new life.

To correctly refuse a meeting, date or relationship, pay attention to the proven phrases:

1. After thinking for a long time, I realized: you are not ready for serious relationship. I only accept serious connections, so we should wait - the option will wrap the guy's actions in the right direction.

   He will dramatically change his behavior, so the girl should be more assertive in refusing.

2. Now there are difficulties on my life path, so I'm not in the mood to communicate with guys, I'm sorry - the way will help to tactfully get away from a relationship that has not yet begun.
3. I'm sorry, but I don't want to hastily start a relationship with a person, I need to think carefully - the guy will offer to wait, so the young lady needs to culturally send him off.
4. I don't meet guys on the street, my mom taught me good manners- suitable to adequately refuse a guy who asks for a phone number.

Many girls, having made a refusal, continue to make further mistakes. Psychologists insist that after the refusal, the lady should change her behavior: it must coincide with what was said the day before.

For example, to strive to seek communication after a refusal, to flirt with a man - all this characterizes a girl from the negative side.

It is worth refraining from insults - this is too low for the behavior of a decent girl.

How to correctly refuse intimacy and sex without offending a guy

The difficulty for polite young ladies is the task of how to deny a man intimacy and sex, while not offending him.

It happens that for the first time it is still far away, although the man insistently offers to go to the next step.

Then it’s worth showing delicacy and gently refusing the offer: simple advice from psychologists will help smooth out the guy’s resentment.

Note! Denial of sex is needed not only when a relationship is born. He is needed in married couple when a woman is tired, but does not want to offend her husband.

Consider popular ways to refuse sex to the representatives of the stronger sex without affecting his feelings, preserving love:

Way	Description
Abstraction	A man came to his wife with an interesting request, but is she tired or wants to rest? No problem: order sushi, turn on football and distract your loved one from an annoying thought
Deposition	Cheating in this case unacceptable. If sex was postponed until tomorrow, a man is waiting for him with great pleasure, so cheating will only destroy trust.
Replacement	Sexual intercourse is easily replaced by petting: this species proximity will allow you to watch your favorite series and the young man will bring a lot of pleasure
Talk	Refusal without motivation to a man who came to ask for intimacy will plunge him into rage and resentment. Start a heart-to-heart conversation: explain the reason for the refusal
No blackmail	Don't try to punish a man by not having sex. The approach brings a lot of negativity to the relationship between partners. Sex should be accompanied by love and desire. Scandals are superfluous here, it is better to follow the above tips and delicately refuse

How to maintain friendships and continue communication

Rejection is always accompanied by unpleasant experiences and negative consequences.

Every woman can prevent them by choosing the right strategy of behavior.

Effective advice from psychoanalysts will help maintain friendship and continue communication correctly:

1. Support. Close friend, who was refused, is surely in depressed state. Despite this, it is necessary to constantly encourage a man.

   If you specifically seek meetings, trying to console a friend, he will think that the girl has feelings for him.

   It is enough to accept the communication of a young person, and continue to support friendships.

2. Common acquaintances. Most cases indicate that after the refusal, the guy and the girl still have common acquaintances and friends.

   Meet in common companies, have fun, communicate. Then you should not cross the line and behave as if the refusal was not sincere.

3. Keep your distance. From the moment when the girl beautifully refused the young man, it is worth paying attention to behavior.

   Notify the man that from now on communication will become friendly.

4. Abstract. Move on, because there are still many new acquaintances ahead.
5. Tact. Only adequate communication will help maintain friendly ties with a man. Self-analysis and digging in yourself are superfluous here - accept everything as it is and move on.
6. No flirting. Refuse to flirt in the direction of the young man, and if you notice that he himself wants to flirt, step back.
7. Lack of personal information. From now on, you should not devote a man to personal experiences and hardships. This will give him too much hope.

For a young man to be offended, it is enough to completely stop communicating with him. The approach promises trouble, but if it is the only way out, use it.

In the world of business and startups, people make many appointments with the most different people. These meetings are devoted to a variety of reasons, but more often than not, one of the two parties needs this particular gathering at Starbucks more often, and he wants to get something from his interlocutor. What to do if you are the one who takes the initiative, in principle, it is clear - by all available (preferably, remaining within the bounds of decency) ways to achieve your goal - meeting the right person.

But what if it is you who is offered to spend your time on some non-obvious conversations over coffee? The question “How to politely decline a meeting?” was discussed on Quora just recently, and the most exhaustive answer to it was given by the famous tech blogger Robert Scoble. Here are 11 of his tips.

It so happens that I receive so many requests for a meeting that, with all my desire, I cannot stomach. Here is what helps me in cases where I need to refuse a person:

Auto Reply in Gmail

I set up an auto-reply in my Gmail box, in which I explicitly registered my right not to reply to letters. It says right there - “if I didn’t answer you, it automatically means“ no ””. Here is a mega letter that allows me not to respond to uninteresting offers and still not be an asshole.

Thank you for taking the time to write, I'm sorry I can't answer.

Now I receive so much mail that I physically cannot answer everyone. This is an auto-reply to your letter sent to the mailbox [email protected]

I will do my best to be able to answer you, especially if your message is about some cool technology that can change the world, or if you create contextual software or services - I wrote a whole book on this topic in collaboration with Shel Israel ( Shel Israel).

Also, thanks to my position at Rackspace, I'm interested in various services that help people do business based on cloud infrastructure.

I read all the letters without exception, but I can answer five percent of them, I beg your pardon. Therefore, if I do not answer you within three days, unfortunately, this is the same as hearing "no".

Philosophy

You should have your own philosophy, that is, your interests should be known to everyone. For example, I am a fan of contextual computing, respectively, if you are a complete zero in this area, then you will not be particularly interesting to me. This gives me the opportunity to politely decline: "Sorry, in 2014 I'm only interested in communicating with a certain type of people, unfortunately you are not one of them."

Having an evil boss

In cases where you need to refuse a meeting, it helps a lot to have strict boss, who has a lot of ideas about how you could spend your time. The boss doesn't have to be someone from work. For example, my children and wife manage my life and my time just as well as other people. Therefore, say something like "My wife and I already have something planned for these dates, so there's no way I can speak with you" or "I haven't seen my children for a month, I have to spend time with them, and I don't I'll be able to be at this dinner" - this is a completely normal answer. And it works just as well as saying something like "My boss at Rackspace is sending me to speak at another conference at the same time."

Life priorities

You need to know what you want from life. I wish I could dine at more 3-Michelin-starred restaurants, so if you make an appointment with me, it's going to be pretty hard to say no. It would also be interesting to talk with the creators of some new cool product, especially if it is a company with a team of a couple of people.

Willingness to help in some other way

Even in case of refusal, it is not necessary to behave aggressively and defiantly. You can just try to help a person in some other way than wasting your own time on him.

Hey, there's no way to get the interview you want because this week has been full, but I can get you in contact with other journalists who can do just as well. Will this option work?

Suggest ways to succeed

Invite the person not to call you for coffee, but to arrange a meeting for a pitch - he probably planned to do it anyway, he just wanted to be polite, because he called out to "drink coffee." However, busy people are not at all inclined to spend time on gatherings with just anyone, but an offer that could potentially promise some kind of benefit is another matter.

Meeting at the event

It also happens that someone managed to interest you enough, but it’s still inconvenient and you don’t want to specially allocate time. In this case, you can offer to chat at an upcoming event. Something like "Hi! I'm going to Vegas for CES here, maybe you can be there or at SXSW in March?"

Honest employment

If you're really busy, what are you doing here? For example, my calendar is usually packed a month ahead. I can show you a screenshot of Google Calendar as proof. So the phrase "Sorry, there's no way until February at all" may well turn out to be true. And if so, then this is quite a polite way to refuse a person.

redirect

Not everyone gets rejected easily. At the same time, you probably have a friend or colleague who refuses easily and does not see any problems here. For example, I have producer Rocky Barbanica - this guy is much more inclined to say "no" than I am. Therefore, when I don’t really want to refuse a person myself, I redirect him to Rocky, and if you managed to break through him, then this is a good application for getting into my calendar.

Social network

You can redirect people to social media. I like to do this because I'm always for scalability of everything and everything, and answering a conditional question on Quora can help thousands of people, while answering one email will only help the sender. So saying something like "ask a question on Quora" is good way refuse to meet. Smart people use Facebook to understand when I'm online - chatting is often easier for me than replying to an email.

Things are more interesting

Once a friend of mine, Loic Le Meur, refused to meet with me, saying: "I will be on Necker Island at that time" (and this island belongs to Richard Branson). This can be described as a rejection when you really have plans that are much cooler and more fun than some kind of meeting.

Relationships between men and women are not always as easy as we would like. AT modern world Both a man and a woman can take the initiative in a relationship. But if you ask a man on a date, be prepared for the fact that he may refuse.

Surely you have often seen a situation where a woman was sympathetic to a man who, moreover, communicated very kindly with her and often helped (for example, a handsome work colleague). At the same time, he himself did not make an appointment with her, and the woman believed that this could be from embarrassment or timidity (after all, his behavior was a little more than just friendly).

And what's wrong with inviting a colleague to a cafe for a cup of cappuccino? But, having made an appointment herself, she received a polite refusal (and, in addition, perhaps also a message that he had a girlfriend). Of course, this situation can happen to every woman who is in search of her the only love. What to do in this case, how to relate to the refusal and how to continue communication?

How to behave if a man refused a date you proposed?

Firstly, don't give of great importance his refusal. Yes, most likely you are slightly offended and unpleasant, because you thought that he liked you - but it turned out that you didn’t. But don't dwell on this failure. The main thing is to move forward.

Secondly, mentally thank this man for refusing. Actually, this refusal has relieved you of illusions. After all, if it weren’t for this situation, you would continue to waste your time on someone who doesn’t really like you or is simply not nice enough to invite you on a date. But now you clearly understand how he treats you, and you can move on with peace of mind.

Thirdly, with his refusal, he made room in your life for that man who will truly love you. Often, without noticing it, women are so immersed in a feeling of sympathy for a man that they do not notice real opportunities to begin real romance(rather than "fictitious" relationships).

Fourth, refusal is sometimes not the final decision. A man could answer this way because of fatigue, a banal unwillingness or inability to communicate (not specifically related to you), because of difficulties at work, or family problems. Perhaps he has some negative events in his life and he is not in the mood for a romantic wave now.

Or maybe he just fundamentally won’t go to drink coffee after he was invited by a woman (especially for shy men who rarely go on dates). There can be many reasons for rejection, including his relationship or love for another woman that you did not know about. And some reasons you simply will never know - but this, in general, does not matter.

If a man refused a date because he was afraid to look awkward, then it is likely that after a while he himself will offer you a meeting. Unless, of course, he really has sympathy for you. But you should not wait for his offer - let it be better pleasant surprise than a long and agonizing wait.

So, the main thing to do after a rejection is to expand your social circle and continue to meet new people. After all, rejection does not make you worse or better - it's just a kind of beacon that says that you are unlikely to have anything positive on this life path. Meet new men, give yourself a chance at real relationship, not an empty wait.

Fifth, after the man has refused the meeting, continue to communicate with him as usual. This is especially important if you study or work together. Communicate with him in a friendly and polite way, but do not get ahead of him in this one step. Do not look for unnecessary meetings, do not try to please him or prove what a treasure he has lost. Maybe this is just not your man, and he will never be able to appreciate you, no matter how hard you try.

Maybe this rejection will be good for you - because no one knows how your relationship would have developed. Therefore, the best option is to accept what is and continue to live your life without obsessing over this man. And even more so, do not try to somehow verbally offend him - after all, he has every right to communicate and meet only with those with whom he wants, and not you.

And if you have not become such a person for him, what is the point of experiencing negative emotions about this? Maybe in reality he is not at all your destiny and not “your” person?

Should I ask a man out on a date?

Of course, in an ideal situation, a man calls for a date himself, does not become shy and does not play for time. But most likely, you are familiar with situations from life when relationships developed mainly due to the initial female initiative. This is also not uncommon and women's initiative can bring positive results.

It is worth noting that the best initiative on the part of a woman is a benevolent and interested communication, smiles, looks, light flirting. As a rule, this is enough for a man (if he is interested in you) to ask you out on a date.

Well, if the “light” form of your initiative does not bring results and lasts already long time(from six months or more), then it's time to decide what to do next.

Here are possible 2 options- either you simply stop considering this man as your potential boyfriend and pay attention to other admirers, or you decide to find out his attitude towards you directly by inviting him on a date. The latter option carries the risk of rejection, but at the same time, it will allow you to clarify for yourself as clearly as possible how this man actually treats you. And this is very important, because you need to know whether it is worth further spending your time and emotions on it.

Inviting a man on a date is, perhaps, only if you really like him very much and you understand that you would like to spend your whole life next to such a partner. Because in the future it will be difficult to simply switch attention to another and subsequently not think that “maybe everything could work out if I took the initiative.” In this case, it is better to find out everything at once.

After all, there is nothing terrible or unpleasant in calling a man on a date. If a man sympathizes with you, on the contrary, he will be glad that you also feel sympathy for him. Well, if you were mistaken, then a direct invitation will also be good option- on at least, you will know exactly what is going on.

Do not forget also that if a man really likes you, he will invite you on a date on his own. it classic version, but unfortunately, it does not occur as often as we would like. Sometimes a man is limited to only a couple of hints, and then simply disappears from the horizon. You should not blame yourself for this either - it is quite possible that he simply did not like you enough. But another man will like it at first sight!

Do not attach importance to the fact that you did not have a relationship with this man. Perhaps tomorrow you will meet another person who will sincerely love you and will gladly invite you on a date. Treat the rejection simply as a source of information, and be sure to move forward. Do not worry about this, just forget about this situation and continue to build your life only with the man who really loves you!

I saw the former on the other - what to do?

Almost every girl sooner or later needs to correctly break off relations with a guy, or refuse to meet with a fan, trying not to offend him. This situation can arise both a week after the start of dating, and after six months of a relationship.

An educated woman thinks through such moments in advance, because it’s not for nothing that they say that everything in life returns: today you stopped answering calls without clarifying the situation, and one day they will do the same to you. In addition, as you know, men are very sensitive to rejection, so it is important to choose correct words and the correct tone to soften the conversation that is unpleasant for both of you.

If you are not dating for the first time

Imagine the situation: you started a relationship in the hope that love will arise later. Time passes, and you are still indifferent to the chosen one. Gradually, at the sight of a man, you begin to feel annoyed. There is a desire to end a meaningless relationship, but you do not dare to break up and do not want to hurt a person who, by and large, did not deserve bad attitude to yourself.

If you don't care about a guy, don't put off breaking up.

It is pointless to delay the solution of the problem - sooner or later you will simply break loose. negative emotions will accumulate inside until they spill out even for a minor reason. A few simple tips will help you tune into the conversation and make it as painless as possible for the gentleman. To refuse a guy another date, take the following into service:

• Select appropriate place, which will allow you to be alone, but will give you the opportunity to leave if necessary - for example, a park or square where people walk. You can consider the option of a cafe or restaurant, but the conversation may not turn out to be too friendly, and you don’t need to attract the attention of onlookers who are ready to stare at someone else’s scandal. When you arrange an upcoming meeting, do not scare the guy with the news that is planned. serious talk. Start a walk, during which you gently hint that you need to clarify some points.
• Soften the conversation. Start your monologue by listing the virtues of a young man. Of course, you should not exaggerate and paint non-existent features - for example, if your boyfriend is far from an athlete, do not admire his strength and figure. Tell the young man that you really like him, but you value him solely as a friend, a witty conversationalist and interesting person. Circumstances have developed in such a way that you cannot fully respond to his feelings. From direct questions, what exactly does not suit you, it is advisable to carefully leave. Note that the matter is exclusively in you, and you cannot order your heart.
• Speak in a soft but confident tone. When you have expressed everything you wanted, and informed about the impossibility of further meetings, leave. Do not settle for last hugs, farewell kisses, escorts home, and even more so do not let yourself be drawn into a showdown on the topic “who is to blame?” And now what i can do?". Give yourself the opportunity to calmly leave at the right moment.
• Do not succumb to persuasion, threats and manipulation. It is clear that promises to commit suicide are seriously frightening, and persuasion to give last chance may cause a desire to pity the gentleman. It is known that relationships mutual feelings doomed to failure, and pity cannot hold them together. New break in this case, it’s still not far off, only it will pass more painfully. If the boyfriend descends to threats and rudeness, do not give vent to emotions and do not be rude in response - just inform that your communication is ending and leave silently.
• Deny the existence of another man. Insist that it's about you, not how you feel about the other guy. Having an opponent won't make the breakup easier, it will only make the conversation harder.
• Be firm on the phone after a rejection. For some time, the guy may call you under the pretext of a friendly conversation. There may be an offer to meet and talk over a cup of coffee. Your consent will give false hope and lead to a re-finding of the reasons for the breakup. Properly refuse the meeting until you are sure that the guy has "burned out" and will not disturb you anymore.

Usually, this refusal tactic justifies itself, and it doesn’t matter if this is a first date or not. The situation is not easy, because we want to quickly forget about existing problem. But simply ignoring the person is not a way out. Of course, not every ex-boyfriend will become good friend. But you will do anything to keep respectful attitude, demonstrating a delicate approach to ending a relationship.

How to refuse a date with a man you know?

Let's say an acquaintance with whom you occasionally intersect began to court you. Tell him you're in a relationship. It doesn’t matter that at the moment you don’t have anyone - very soon someone may appear in your life. Note that you appreciated the signs of attention of a friend. Express to him sincere wishes to meet a worthy couple as soon as possible. Even if the newly minted gentleman is frankly ridiculous, respect his feelings and refuse culturally, but firmly.

Rude and obsessive types do not be rude in response. Stop communicating and ignore attempts to get you into a scandal and swearing. It is much more difficult if a woman regularly encounters a gentleman who invited her on a date in a common company or at work. In a circle of constant communication, personal life or its absence cannot be hidden. The excuse that you already have a loved one will not work in this case.

Your behavior will tell the gentleman what you want

When you begin to suspect a budding sympathy and foresee an imminent date invitation, take preventive measures. Behavior should be restrained, communication should be emphatically friendly or even detached. Many suitors are frightened of such behavior and do not risk offering a date, fearing to run into a refusal in response.

If the invitation to spend the evening together has already been received, treat the guy with respect. You have to work together or communicate in a team, and you don’t need to make an enemy. Specify that you appreciate the attention shown, but see him only as a friend. Do not agree to a date if the young man begins to assure you that this is just a friendly meeting.

He will come to the conclusion that you are flirting and are waiting for decisive steps on his part. If he does, it will be much more difficult to solve the problem. Saying "no" should be firm enough not to give hope for the future. Don't promise the guy he'll think about it, but keep it short and clear, but don't forget to mention that you're sorry.

If you just met

If you met a young man on the street, in a cafe or at an event and gave your phone number, deciding to go on a date, and then clearly realized that you didn’t want to see him at all, you can use the following tips.

• Report that you are having a sudden migraine attack, a sore throat, or a toothache. Malaise is good reason to cancel the date. Say you'll call back when you feel better. So you can buy a little time to assess the degree of interest in this person. It is possible that you will come to the idea of ​​​​desiring to continue communication.
• Share the news that you have been planning to meet and celebrate the birthday of one of your friends for a long time. You regret such a coincidence, but miss organized party it’s impossible, otherwise you risk seriously offending the birthday girl.
• Say that your parents asked you to help them with household chores: dad brought berries, and mom arranged a home preservation day. Grandmother asked me to help transport things to the country. Unexpectedly, guests from abroad arrived. Unfortunately, you cannot refuse your relatives, and you are forced to make changes to your personal plans. If the gentleman grew up in normal family, he is familiar with the concept family responsibilities And he knows he can't refuse.
• If you are working, report an unexpected slip: the manager gave an urgent task or the head of the department decided to call a meeting on a vital issue for the company. You would like to meet, but instead of going to the cinema or in a cafe, you will have to spoil your eyesight behind the monitor and participate in a brainstorming session to solve the problem of increasing sales. You cannot afford to lose this job. Normal guy enter the situation and not be offended.
• If you are a student, say that a strict teacher filled up the group with assignments that must be handed in tomorrow. There are a lot of workload options for studying: they remembered an urgent essay, a report, an analytical task, a course project, a presentation or preparation for an exam.

Several of these reasons are clever guy will understand that he is unobtrusively denied. He will stop calling, appreciating that you gave him a chance to save face and self-respect.

You can always find a tactful way to avoid a date.

Thus, there are a sufficient number of reasons that make it possible to tactfully get away from an unwanted date, while not offending the gentleman. Of course, it is not always worth lying, even in the name of a good cause. Non-existent affairs and a fictitious gentleman are a good excuse for refusing a random acquaintance who proposed a date.

It is better for a colleague or friend to say “no” carefully and tactfully, assuring that friendly feelings are valuable to you, but there can be no relationship. You need to be able to refuse, because it’s better to tell the guy directly about your true intentions rather than give him vain hopes and pointless waste of time.