Claims are unspoken desires.
Option 18
Read the text and complete tasks 1-3
1) The most important function of phraseological units should be recognized not as a designation of a particular subject, but as an expression of attitude towards what is being said. (2) Possession of figurative means of language decorates speech and enriches the techniques of oratory, in other words, phraseological means are able to influence the mind of the interlocutor during a public speech. (3) it is very important to know the meaning of different phraseological expressions and life situations in which they can be used.
1.Specify two sentences that correctly convey HOME information contained in the text. Write down the numbers of these sentences.
1) The most important function of phraseological units is an expression of attitude to what is being said, they must be skillfully used in order to decorate and enrich speech.
2) Phraseologisms decorate speech and enrich the techniques of oratory, because they express an attitude towards what is being said.
3) Phraseological units are able to influence the mind of the interlocutor during a public speech.
4) Phraseologisms do not denote a particular subject, but express an attitude towards what is being said, and this is their most important function.
5) In order for a public speech to be bright and influence listeners, it is necessary to know the meaning of phraseological expressions and life situations in which their use is appropriate.
2. Which of the following words (combinations of words) should be in place of the gap in the third (3) sentence of the text? Write out this word.
1) On the contrary, 2) Therefore
3) However 4) Probably 5) For example,
3. Read the fragment of the dictionary entry, which gives the meaning of the word SPEECH Determine the meaning in which this word is used in the second (2) sentence of the text. Write down the number corresponding to this value in the given fragment of the dictionary entry.
SPEECH, speeches, pl. speeches, speeches, women
1
. only ed. The ability to use the language of words. Speech is one of the features that distinguish man from animals. The development of speech. Speak (book).
2
. only ed. Sounding language, language at the moment of pronunciation. Northern Russian speech is easy to recognize by the sound. "Is there even a shadow of slavish humiliation in his steps and speech?" Pushkin (about the Russian peasant).
3
. only ed. The nature of pronunciation or pronunciation. Slurred speech. "The strange guttural speech (of a gypsy) crackles in the ears." Maksim Gorky. Calm speech. Quiet, clear speech.
4
. only ed. This or that type, style of language, syllable. Artistic speech. Poetic speech. Business speech.
5
. pl. in the same meaning as unit. Words, conversation, what they say. “But how it speaks, as if a river murmurs.” Pushkin. “I once heard these living speeches in the past years.” Lermontov. “About this truth, the holy wise would have spoken for a whole book.” Krylov. “At last I hear the speech not of a boy, but of a husband.” Pushkin. "I will remember the speeches of passionate bliss, the words of longing love." Pushkin. "It is better for you to save these speeches for another." Nekrasov. “He showered her with his enthusiastic speeches all the way.” Maksim Gorky. Friendly speeches.
6.
only ed. Conversation, reasoning, conversation (colloquial). "At the time we are talking about." A. Turgenev. Travel is out of the question. What are you (was, will be) talking about? It's not about that (not about that) it's (that's not the point). He started talking about her again. It is (went, will go, will go) about something. There is no talk about this.
7.
only ed. Rumor, rumor (reg.). It's about the people.
8.
Public speaking, a statement on a specific topic, addressed to the audience. “One venerable person made a speech, although she was not recorded among the speakers” Saltykov-Shchedrin. Greeting speech. Prosecutor's speech. Protective speech. Funeral speech.
9
. only ed. A group of words, a sentence, which is someone's statement (gram.). Indirect speech. Direct speech.
❖ Part of speech (gram.) - a grammatical category of words united by a common form, meaning and syntactic role.
4. In one of the words below, a mistake was made in setting the stress: the letter denoting the percussive sound was incorrectly highlighted. Write out this word.
borrow it
accepted
5. In one of the sentences below WRONG highlighted word is used. Correct the lexical error by choosing to the highlighted word paronym. Write down the chosen word.
In the IV century BC, the Greeks began to build the MAJESTIC temple of Artemis, surpassing all other sanctuaries in beauty.
Some of the wording in the draft law allows for a BINARY interpretation.
Most ACTIVE way fight for purity regular cleaning.
In public, Goryunov was invariably BUSINESS and collected.
You are unfair: he has already been punished for his OFFENSE.
6. In one of the words highlighted below, a mistake was made in the formation of the form of the word. Correct the mistake and write the word correctly.
Powerful COMPUTERS
aubergine caviar
WAVE
FIFTY tasks
7. Match between grammatical errors and sentences in which they are made: for each position of the first column, select the corresponding position from the second column.
| Grammatical errors | Offers |
| A) violation in the construction of a sentence with participial turnover B) an error in the construction of a complex sentence C) a violation in the construction of a sentence with inconsistent application D) violation of the connection between the subject and the predicate E) violation of the species-temporal correlation of verb forms | 1) The longest escalator in the world is installed at the Admiralteyskaya station of the St. Petersburg metro. 2) Woe to those who, finding themselves in trouble, rely solely on outside help and do not try to find a way out of the situation themselves. 3) The monument to A. S. Pushkin in Moscow was created with money collected by the people. 5) Sasha demanded that give him new phone. 6) Upon returning from a business trip, father always asked us about school news. 7) The rain that had been pouring since morning and which prevented our walk ended in the afternoon. 9) Russian writers, as a rule, put their heroes to the test of love and thus revealed the essence of their hero. |
8. Determine the word in which the unstressed checked vowel of the root is missing. Write out this word by inserting the missing letter.
mon..mania
check.. ry
vyt..tret
bl..sleep
to..mpromise
9. Determine the row in which the same letter is missing in both words. Write these words out with the missing letter.
week.. couples, not.. familiar,
pr..rotation, pr..ground
ra..walk, and..throw
dis..information, under..roar
po..lowercase, o..build
10. Write down a word in which a letter is written at the place of the gap E.
repainting..
offended .. vost
distort .. wat
straw..nka
eclipse
11. Write down a word in which a letter is written at the place of the gap AND.
incessantly..my
sense .. sh
hear.. my
overwhelmed.. my
12. Define a sentence in which NOT with the word is written CLEARLY. Open the brackets and write out this word
The director's (un)blown claims bothered Kira.
The (un)familiar company turned out to be very pleasant.
The sister reported far (not) joyful news.
The tourists fell asleep, (not) waiting for dinner.
No one to know how to find this house.
13. Define a sentence in which both highlighted words are written ONE. Open the brackets and write out these two words.
WHAT (WOULD) agree, it is not necessary (NOT) to persuade ANYONE so persistently.
(NOT) ANY other homeland (NOT) WILL pour my warmth into my chest.
At least dress (NOT) RYAKHU in silk, look (NOT) (AT) WHAT.
KA (WOULD) knew where to fall, STRAW (WOULD) lay.
WHAT (WHATEVER) happens, my father will not leave me in trouble, (FOR) THAT I love him.
14. Indicate all the numbers in the place of which it is written NN.
At the end of the 19th century, Alexander Panshin designed (1) invisible (2), elongated (3) skates, which allowed him to defeat fi (4) and Norwegian runners.
15. Set up punctuation marks. Choose two sentences in which you want to put ONE comma. Write down the numbers of these sentences.
1) Cranes flew low in the gloomy sky and loudly and lingeringly cooed.
2) Styopushka either sits, nibbles on a radish, or drags a bucket of water somewhere and groans, then taps with a piece of wood in his closet.
3) Somewhere nearby there was a “shading” of finches and a short trill of oatmeal.
4) His old and quarrelsome wife did not leave the stove all day, constantly grumbling and scolding.
5) A few days after the departure of the "Holy Mary", a terrible storm broke out in the Kara Sea and immediately rumors began to spread about the death of the expedition off the coast of Novaya Zemlya.
16. Place punctuation marks:
At a low half-open door, dozing (1) leaning (2) on a gun (3) a soldier (4) dressed in the uniform of the Preobrazhensky Regiment (5) and a cocked hat.
17. Place punctuation marks: indicate all the numbers that should be replaced by commas in the sentences.
An amazingly pleasant experience (1) I remember (2) was for me to lie on my back in the forest and look up. Then (3) it seemed (4) the sky was a bottomless sea, spreading before the eyes.
18. Place punctuation marks: indicate all the numbers that should be replaced by commas in the sentence.
At the beginning of 1930 (1) S.M. Bondi (2) ideas (3) of which (4) later came true with the publication of the academic collected works of Pushkin (5) begins a systematic study of the poet's manuscripts.
19. Place punctuation marks: indicate all the numbers where commas should be in the sentence.
Polina went out to the guests on the open veranda (1) and (2) while the ladies enthusiastically expressed admiration for her elegant outfit (3) she thought about (4) how nice it would be to be away from this boring empty fuss.
Read the text and complete tasks 20-25
(1) In the evening, the young shepherd Grishka Efimov, who, for his large cartilaginous ears sticking out in different directions, like sharp horns, was called the Devil, drove a herd to the village. (2) Furiously rolling his pupils, he told the peasants crowding near the garage that he had seen a real antelope in the steppe.
- (3) Why listen to this Imp: he doesn’t distinguish a dog from a chicken! They waved him away in disbelief. - (4) Where do antelopes come from in our places?
- (5) Yes, I personally saw it! (6) She grazed in the hollow!
- (7) So, maybe it's not an antelope, but a reindeer or a mammoth ?! Grandfather Kadochnikov asked the imp, squealing with resentment, insinuatingly, hiding his smile in his large bushy beard. (8) Laughing, the men began to disperse. (9) Only the tall mechanic Nikolai Savushkin did not laugh. (10) He looked sternly at the shepherd and quietly asked him:
- (11) Did you really see the antelope?
- (12) Exactly! (13) I saw! (14) I swear by my mother! The shepherd clumsily crossed himself. - (15) Why do you need an antelope, Kolek? (16) After all, summer - the meat will go bad!
- (17) I don’t have meat, I need horns, I’ll make medicine out of them! (18) My daughter is very ill, for the third year already.
(19) In the early morning, as soon as dawn broke, Savushkin took a gun and went to the hollow. (20) The fog covered the steppe with tight ribbons, and through the white lace lonely birch trees looked like old ships stuck in the ice. (21) Savushkin walked the whole hollow, climbed all the copses, but did not find traces of the antelope. (22) He knew that he would not find anything. (23) So, apparently, it is destined. (24) It is destined to see the glassy eyes of a girl who longingly looks somewhere inward, as if she feels pain creeping over her tiny body. (25) Pain like a big black cat.
(26) The midday sun burned mercilessly, and the air, like hot fat, flowed in thick streams to the ground. (27) It was necessary to go back. (28) Savushkin went down the hill and cried. (29) Tears flowed down his face, mixing with sweat and, like acid, corroded the skin ... (30) She is silent, just looks inside herself and is silent, because she knows: no one will help. (31) And you see how your child wanders alone through the endless labyrinths of pain.
(32) Suddenly Savushkin froze. (33) An antelope stood in a ravine dug by spring waters. (34) Very close, under the very nose, about twenty steps. (35) Savushkin carefully removed the gun from his shoulder, cocked the triggers. (36) Antelope looked at him, but for some reason did not run away.
- (37) Stop, stop, dear, stop! Savushkin persuaded her in a whisper. (38) He stepped to the left and saw a cub next to the antelope. (39) The baby perched next to his mother, on the grass, tucking his thin legs, and, scorched by the heat, wearily looked somewhere to the side. (40) Mother stood near him, covering her body from the scorching sun. (41) A cool shadow, like a purple blanket, lay on the sleepily trembling head of the cub. (42) Savushkin sighed and stepped back ...
(43) The sun burned the scorched earth. (44) The daughter was sitting on the porch and eating strawberries, which he picked in a ravine in front of the village.
- (45) Tasty, dear?
- (46) Delicious!
(47) Savushkin leaned over and stroked her soft hair. (48) A cool shadow fell on the child's head, like a purple veil.
(According to A. Vladimirov*)
* Alexander Pavlovich Vladimirov - a modern prose writer.
20. Which statement Not matches the content of the text?
1) Savushkin's daughter was sick.
2) Savushkin needed antelope horns to prepare medicine for his daughter.
3) The shepherd Grishka was going to hunt an antelope and went all over the hollow in search of it.
4) Savushkin saw an antelope with a cub and did not shoot at it.
21. Which of the following statements is wrong?
1) In sentences 1 - 2, reasoning is presented.
2) Sentence 18 explains the content of sentence 17.
3) Sentence 20 contains a description.
4) Sentences 38-40 contain an explanation of what is said in sentence 36.
22. Indicate the sentence in which the phraseological unit is used.
1) 18 2) 2 3) 33 4) 34
23. Among sentences 27 - 35, find one that is connected with the previous one using a possessive pronoun. Write the number of this offer.
Read a fragment of a review based on the text that you analyzed while completing tasks 20 – 23. This fragment examines the linguistic features of the text.
Some terms used in the review are missing. Fill in the gaps (A, B, C, D) with the numbers corresponding to the number of the term from the list. Write in the table under each letter the corresponding number. Write the sequence of numbers in the ANSWER FORM No. 1 to the right of the task number 24, starting from the first cell, without spaces, commas and other additional characters.
Write each number in accordance with the samples given in the form.
24. “The author, telling the story of his hero, uses a variety of means of expression that enhance the emotional impact on the reader. This is a technique - A__________ (in sentences 23–24, 24–25), as well as paths: B__________ (“like a purple veil” in sentences 41, 48), B__________ (“glass eyes” in sentence 24) and Г__________ (“through labyrinths pain" in sentence 31)".
List of terms:
1) antithesis
2) metaphor
3) comparison
4) anaphora
5) a number of homogeneous members
6) lexical repetition
7) rhetorical question
8) rhetorical exclamation
10) exclamatory sentences
Part 2
Write an essay based on the text you read.
Formulate and comment on one of the problems posed by the author of the text (avoid excessive quoting).
Formulate the position of the author (narrator). Write whether you agree or disagree with the point of view of the author of the read text. Explain why. Argument your answer, relying primarily on the reader's experience, as well as on knowledge and life observations (the first two arguments are taken into account).
The volume of the essay is at least 150 words.
A work written without relying on the text read (not on this text), Not Evaluated. If the essay is a paraphrase or a complete rewrite original text without any comments, then such work is evaluated by zero points.
Write an essay carefully, legible handwriting.
Answers to option
| Option 18 |
|
| accepted |
|
| Wave your hand |
|
| Check |
|
| Flaws unfamiliar |
|
| outshine |
|
| Audible |
|
| stranger |
|
| To nobody |
|
Anxiety is common in people with low self-esteem. They are prone to controlling behavior. I teach parents to get out of psychopathic circles to the level of creative realization, their own and their child. This exit involves learning empathic listening skills. And my course is for those who are taking their kids out of the school system. Self-education provides other ways of communication with the world.
Behind the claims are unexpressed directly human needs. Very often, when children talk about their desires, they hear in response: “You never know what you want !!!”. Such children learn early on that it is dangerous to talk about desires directly: it will be painful to refuse them. And when a child wants something, then he needs to do it himself. And when the adults are dissatisfied with the result, then, perhaps, it will also fly in. The lesson “initiative is punishable” is being learned, which means that one no longer wants to take responsibility.
And if the parents are satisfied with the result, will they surely attribute the merit of success to themselves? It happens. And often. Is it worth it then to try, even if they don’t give you joy? And when you wanted, you wanted, and when you were satisfied with the process, you lost your desire? After all, they will force you to continue! And then the child begins to hate on the sly with all his heart this very thing that just recently made his heart tremble with joy. As you can see, everyone has a lot of reasons for unlearning to desire in childhood. When I conduct training, my piggy bank of such reasons is replenished every time.
What does the refusal to know your needs and the courage to express them lead to?
The most important breakdown in understanding oneself, in my opinion, occurs when the basic needs of the infant and child of the first are not satisfied. three years life: the need for protection, attention and unconditional acceptance. To reveal the true Self to a child, not any feedback is important, but only empathic.
There is a couple sitting across from me.
She: “You always leave with your friends at the very moment when I need your help!”.
What is behind this message? And why is he so sharp reaction- the guy directly soared: "Again you start! ...". By the way, this is the most commonly used attack as a defense against a verbal attack.
So, the girl was offended by the fact that the guy devotes little time to her. Moreover, the reason for the reproach is not “little”, but that when a guy leaves without her to his friends, the girl experiences unconscious disappointment in herself, which first appeared in childhood, when her mother left her without responding to her requests.
The child has a need for a mother, since all his other needs for food, play and development are satisfied by her. He himself is not yet able to satisfy them. And since the mother's needs are not satisfied, the child experiences grief. He cannot be disappointed in his mother, as he is afraid of being left without her love. So he is disappointed in himself: “I am not worthy of my mother’s love” and “Something is wrong with me.” Resentment fills the heart of the child.
Now that the girl is already an adult, she can satisfy any of her needs without outside help, but she unconsciously reacts like a child who is abandoned by a loved one. She wants to get confirmation of her importance at the expense of a friend, since she has already given herself a low rating for a long time.
The young man immediately boils, because from childhood he has a reaction to react aggressively to any violation of his boundaries. This is exactly how those in whom he needed reacted to him, and he clumsily expressed this need, begging for attention from adults. He was called capricious and said that boys do not behave like that. He was shamed in front of everyone.
Out of fear of punishment by deprivation of communication with the mother, the child suppresses aggression and forces it into the unconscious.
In adulthood, repressed aggression finds its outlet whenever the situation mirrors his need to be understood and accepted by the significant person.
So, both characters in this story have a need for attention, that is, a response of acceptance. But they do not express these needs directly, because they do not even understand the nature of their painful reaction.
Offended, each of them hopes to replenish energy at the expense of others: there is hope that as soon as the need for attention is realized, the person will experience joy. But it is impossible to fill with joy, as it immediately merges through the valve of guilt that a person feels, experiencing remorse little man sitting inside and experiencing his displeasure with himself and the world.
The child is forced to adapt in order to maintain the illusion that he is loved and willing to satisfy his needs. Otherwise, he will not survive. One day he gets frustrated. Distrust is the reason for the inability, and sometimes conscious unwillingness, to talk about one's needs and values.
A mature person is quite capable of taking a sober look at himself, seeing the true background of many of his actions and not waiting for his needs to be met at the expense of other people, using manipulations based on resentment for this. Whether it is worth spending time and effort on cultivating such mature qualities in your inner baby, everyone decides for himself.
From time to time, a person gets hurt, and he usually blames other people for this pain. The child does not do this, because he does not have an ego - he lives in pain, cries or gets angry, but does not take offense. Growing up, he learns that pain is associated with external causes. They say to him: "If that boy had not pushed you, you would not have been ill." Sometimes this is true, but it hurts a person even when no one beats him - then he begins to look for someone to blame. He grows up, no one pushes him often, but he still hurts. He builds a whole chain of defenses, does not allow himself to be offended, but when he gets close to someone, the pain cannot be avoided: internal wounds remind of themselves when they are touched. Feeling pain, a person habitually transfers attention outside and sees another as the cause of his condition. He is offended, believing that if this other did not exist or he would have acted in a different way, then everything would be fine. Offended, a person transfers responsibility to another, blaming him for his problems.
There is nothing wrong with being offended as a phenomenon: if someone pushed you, physically or mentally, then it is correct to say that you were hurt. But do not blame the other: even if he hurt you, this does not mean that you are not responsible for being there at that moment. Talking about your pain and making claims are two different things. If you blame other people, you will face protection, but you need to show your pain, otherwise you will hide it, and it will begin to eat away at you from the inside. This happens quite often: you are hit, you are in pain, but you do not show that this is so, but hide this fact. The pain has not gone away, the wound remains, but no one knows about it, and even you can forget about it. Maybe you want to say that you are hurting, but there is no one around to listen, so you have long exhausting dialogues inside yourself. You make claims, say that you were not understood, not heard, not noticed, then you answer on behalf of another person, and these conversations never stop. Society requires to be restrained, therefore the most pleasant people are those who do not make claims. Those who are constantly dissatisfied with something are often left alone.
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Help! Task how to write NOT together or separately
Words: (not) rebuilt house, not) a successful student, (not) a mistake I noticed, (not) a tired worker, a completely (not) invented solution, (not) inhabited house, (not) a blossoming bud, (not) allowing to a predator, (not) inflected nouns, (not) a solved mystery, the truth (not) clarified, (not) crickets silent until night, (not) frozen, but still smoking polynya, (not) a place protected from the sun, nothing (not) broken silence, reasons (not) disclosed, (not) overheard phrase, (not) directly stated claim.
1 with a short participle
2 with a participle having dependent words
Free legal advice:
3 with opposition
4 with all other uses of participles
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Dautlyn 11/27/2014
Answers and explanations
- aniblod
- average
NOT RECONSTRUCTED HOUSE, NOT SUCCESSFUL PERSON
- Comments (1)
- Flag Violation
- Tanechka42002
- good
Unfinished house, failing student, mistake I didn’t notice, indefatigable worker, completely uninvented solution, house not populated, unopened bud, not letting a predator in, indeclinable nouns, unsolved mystery, truth not clarified, crickets not ceasing until night, not frozen , A still a smoking polynya, a place not protected from the sun, an undisturbed silence, reasons not disclosed, an unheard phrase, an unspoken claim.
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Linguistic game to distinguish between NOT and NOR particles
Description of the presentation on individual slides:
In which sentence is NOT written SEPARATELY with the word? 1) He lacks experience and (does not) have enough patience. 2) Our country is (in)dependent. 3) He was somehow immediately (not) loved. 4) We stopped at a site that was by no means (un)suitable for construction.
4) We stopped at a site that was by no means suitable for construction.
In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) It so happened that I (not) had anyone to tell about my doubts. 2) At first, everyone was silent, considering how to start a conversation in such an (un)usual environment. 3) The room was (not) lit, so it was difficult to distinguish the faces of the people sitting opposite. 4) But they say you are (not) people: in the wilderness, in the village, everything is boring for you.
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3) The room was not lit, so it was difficult to distinguish the faces of the people sitting opposite.
1. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) We (not) even had a place to lay out our documents on a table littered with books. 2) It was quiet, (not) hot and boring, as happens on gray cloudy days. 3) The window in the kitchen was (not) curtained. 4) (Un) passionate, breaking bark filled the garden.
Correct answer: 3 (not curtained - short participle)
2. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) (Despite) the complexity of the topic under study, we will try to understand it as best as possible. 2) Today his words sounded (not) warm and affectionate, as before, but cold and somehow aloof. 3) His eyes looked straight and (im)moving. 4) (Not) fell in love with his countryman from a young age for his luck.
Correct answer: 2 (not warm, but cold)
Free legal advice:
3. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) The rain poured down on us in an (un)dominable stream. 2) Our attention was attracted by a (not) tall, slender larch. 3) The rain continued, but (not) strong, as in the morning, but weak, drizzling. 4) In silence, good should be done, but (not) what to talk about it.
Correct answer: 3 (not strong, but weak)
4. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) I was attracted by (un)explored corners of the earth. 2) They announced a (not) long break for lunch. 3) Consideration of the case is (not) completed. 4) It turned out that there was (not) anyone to entrust such a difficult task.
Correct answer: 3 (not completed - short participle)
5. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) An (un)usual phenomenon caught our attention. 2). This man is (not) unimaginative. 3) I remembered his (not) perplexing look for a long time. 4) With me completed the course (not) who Izotov.
Free legal advice:
Correct answer: 2 (not deprived - short participle)
6. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) (Not) where to put the new furniture. 2) (Not) far from the village there is a camp of vacationers. 3) An (un)passable strip of land for fire separated the steppe from the fire. 4) The tasks set before us have not been (not) solved.
Correct answer: 4 (not solved - short participle)
7. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) In the meadow, the grass is (not) cut. 2) We heard a (not) loud whisper coming from the next room. 3) Something new was born in his head. 4) Take this song, (not) gray-haired, in your backpacks, let it be carried around the wide world by a fair wind.
Correct answer: 1 (not beveled - short participle)
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8. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) A boat, clinging to the shore, (not) unsteadily stands on the water. 2) I (have) no one to ask for help. 3) This problem is (not) studied. 4) The (un)pleasant meeting with this person upset me.
Correct answer: 3 (not studied - short participle)
9. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) (Not) perplexed, he looked at his interlocutor. 2) The (un)surmountable desire to see his relatives made Shirokov immediately go to Return trip. 3) The reasons for the migration of birds from these areas have not yet been (not) studied. 4) The (not) bright light of lanterns made its way through the thick fog.
Correct answer: 3 (not studied - short participle)
10. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) (Not) the forest bells that had time to bloom faded. 2) I saw a grey-haired man (not) resembling his brother. 3) In games, Seryozha turned out to be very (in) dexterous. 4) (Un)perplexed, the boy looked at his father carefully.
Free legal advice:
Correct answer: 1 (those who did not have time to bloom - the sacrament has a dependent word)
11. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) The hero, (not) seeing slavery, tries to change the relationship between people. 2) It is difficult for us to remember an (un)understandable rule. 3) Remains of (not) melted snow are still visible. 4) So the auditor (not) appearing on the stage disturbs all the townsfolk.
Correct answer: 4 (did not appear on the stage - the participle has a dependent word)
12. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) (Un)explored by geologists areas are very promising. 2) At the exhibition, Zverev showed (not) similar to the previous watercolors. 3) There was a (not) wide road ahead of us. 4) Vasiliev (not) indignantly looked at the old man.
Correct answer: 1 (not explored by geologists - the participle has a dependent word)
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13. In which sentence is NOT written together with the word? 1) The required book has been (not) read. 2) Klementiev left without (not) answering our questions. 3) The hero turns out to be an instrument of a force (not) understood by him and dies. 4) (Un)expressed reproach shone in the eyes of Sofya Nikolaevna.
Correct answer: 4 (unspoken - full participle without dependent words and opposition with union A)
14. In which sentence is NOT written together with the word? 1) The director's (un)spoken claims bothered Kira. 2) The (un)familiar company turned out to be very pleasant. 3) The sister reported far (not) good news. 4) The tourists fell asleep, (not) waiting for dinner.
Correct answer: 2 (unfamiliar - full adjective, no opposition with union A)
15. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) Whales often swallow objects that obviously (not) serve as food for them. 2) I settled in a (not) large, bright room. 3) The enemy experienced that day (not) a little. 4) The climber is attracted by (un)conquered peaks.
Correct answer: 1 (not employees - participle, has dependent words)
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16. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) The sun, still (not) visible to the eye, spread a fan of pink rays across the sky. 2) A yellowish haze, (not) resembling dust, rose in the east. 3) Valentine walked with a (not) hasty, but decisive step. 4) Adverbs - (un)changeable words.
Correct answer: 1 (not visible to the eye - the sacrament has a dependent word)
17. In which sentence is NOT written together with the word? 1) (Not) wanting to frighten off his joyful state, Ivanov quietly got out of the car. 2) Having got used to people, the beavers (not) were afraid to leave their huts during the day. 3) (Un)cleared rocky paths led rare visitors deep into the park. 4) The house stood in the middle of the steppe, with nothing (not) fenced.
Correct answer: 3 (uncleared - full participle without dependent words)
19. In which sentence is NOT written together with the word? 1) (Not) despite deep autumn the days were warm and clear. 2) Were you (not) bored? 3) Oblomov is a child, but a (not) immoral egoist. 4) The bridge is (not) built yet.
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Correct answer: 1 (despite - preposition)
24. In which sentence is NOT written together with the word? 1) There is no one to know how to find this house. 2) There was (not) anyone to help Masha in trouble. 3) (Not) everyone will be able to solve the problem in this way. 4) Kostya was (not) very pleased with our visit.
Correct answer: 2 (no one - a pronoun without a preposition)
25. In which sentence is NOT written separately with the word? 1) The sailor (not) slowly reported to the commander about the suspicious noise. 2) I was taken to a (not) large cozy room with a fireplace. 3) Small (un)painted houses are neatly arranged on both sides of the street. 4) The dog, (not) wanting to betray his fear, barked loudly.
Correct answer: 4 (not wanting - gerund)
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- 02.10.2016
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FREEDOM FROM CLAIMS AND OFFENSES
FREEDOM FROM CLAIMS AND OFFENSES
Claims destroy relationships. Claims against other people are our chains, ropes, lack of freedom from them.
Claims block money.
Claims ruin careers and achievements.
Claims literally burn out a person from the inside: they deprive them of creative energy, love for themselves and others.
Imagine the universe is like the sun. The sun shines all the time, pouring its life-giving energy on us in an inexhaustible stream. We feel the action of the sun when we face it, but if we turn away, we will no longer receive its life-giving rays.
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The universe works in exactly the same way as the sun. She is always here and always available, shedding grace upon us. When we have complaints, complain, blame, criticize, feel resentment (everyone owes me) and irritation, jealousy or any other negative emotion, we turn away from all good things.
Claims are a hole in our vessel through which our energy comes out.
Our task is to recognize and heal that part of ourselves that hides behind claims and demands.
My boss is greedy - he pays me little;
My girlfriend is a slob, doesn't know how to dress...;
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My husband earns little;
I have terrible legs, a figure, clothes ...
Claims cannot be listed, there are millions of them on any topic and with varying degrees negativity towards another person. Our most common complaints are:
Other systems and aggregors
World, Universe, God, destiny...
Make a list of those who offended you - those whom you need to forgive. Start with your parents, siblings, children and spouse, friends, lovers, cat and dog, government and God.
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Formulate your claim or resentment. Put the person in front of you and tell him everything you want. “You offended me by…” “You betrayed me when…” “You deceived me” “You didn’t comply” “You disappointed”…
Feel where your resentment lives in the body? Claim?
The expression of claims is always emotionally colored: anger, irritation, resentment, disappointment, hatred, impotence, etc.
As you know, resentment is a state of our soul. The soul is the well from which we drink. What source of thirst quenching do we present to ourselves and others? Protect your storehouse, your source of life. We need to forgive everyone who has hurt us, even if it seems that what they have done is impossible to forgive. Forgive them not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you don't want to suffer anymore and endure this pain every time you remember how you were treated.
Resentment is a pure poison that poisons ourselves. But… “Forgive others: easy to say! I would love to, but it doesn't work." We have hundreds of reasons and excuses for the things we cannot forgive. But this is not true. The truth is that we are used to not forgiving. We only mastered the art of unforgiveness: “Don't cry. Don't be afraid. Do not ask".
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Forgiveness is an impenetrable jungle for those of us who yearn for justice. The very thought of someone walking away unpunished after everything they've done hurts. Forgiveness seems like a betrayal of oneself.
But forgiveness doesn't fix or change anything. This is not an eraser that will erase everything that has happened to you. It won't undo the pain you've been living with or provide you with instant peace. Forgiveness means giving up hope for another past. That is, the understanding that everything is over, the dust has settled and the destroyed will never be restored to its original form. It is the recognition that no amount of magic can repair the damage. Yes, the hurricane was unfair, but you still have to live in your ruined city. And no anger will raise it from the ruins. You will have to do it yourself. Forgiveness means taking personal responsibility - not for destruction, but for restoration. This is a decision to regain peace. Forgiveness does not mean that the guilt of your offenders is atoned for. It does not mean that you should be friends with them, sympathize with them. You just accept that they left a mark on you and now you have to live with this mark. You will stop waiting for the person who broke you to return everything “as it was”. You will begin to heal wounds, whether or not scarring remains. It's a decision to move on with your scars. Forgiveness is not a celebration of injustice. It is about creating your own justice, your own karma and destiny. It's about getting back on your feet with the resolve not to be miserable because of the past. Forgiveness is the understanding that your scars will not determine your future. Forgiveness doesn't mean you give up. It means that you are ready to gather strength and move on.
Resentment is a wrongly lived experience ...
(how did they come about and what functions do they perform)
The claims mechanism simplifies a lot. I'm good - they're bad. So let them change. If they don’t, I will be offended ... But if you take offense for a long time and for a lot, then after a while you can find yourself beautiful, living in a bad and offensive world among bad people. And if you are not offended, then questions will arise mostly to yourself. And then you can feel yourself not the smartest, not the most right and not the most beautiful in the world, but at the same time live among good people and in not the worst of the worlds. And then the focus of our attention turns to ourselves, inward. We become sincere about ourselves.
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I MADE THIS MYSELF! (For example, excess weight). I can’t, I don’t know how, I haven’t been taught - this is the point of choice.
Being responsible means acknowledging that you are the cause or source of something (such as your problems). For example, if you take responsibility for your life, this means that you acknowledge that all the decisions you have made or not made have led you to exactly where you are now. This means that the key to fixing the problem lies in changing some aspect of your personality. You must realize that you need to change something within yourself, and this, in turn, will change the external problem.
Not “I was deceived”, but “I let myself be deceived, I didn’t figure it out properly.” Not “I was provoked”, but “I allowed myself to be provoked” or “I succumbed to the provocation”. Not "I got pissed off", but "I got pissed off". Not “I am being used”, but “I allow myself to be used” ...
Don't say, "I'm unhappy in love." Say: "I can't interest my loved one."
Don't say, "I'm being pushed all the time." Say: "I allow myself to be disregarded."
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Don't say, "I'm not lucky." Say: "I made a mistake - and you need to understand what."
Don't say, "This is an unsolvable problem." Say, "This is a problem I'm more comfortable living with than without it."
Do not say: "I am a stranger to this disgusting world." Say: "Life in this world requires strength and skills, which I do not yet have."
I did all this myself. All my troubles, failures, misfortunes are my own choice, either done now or made sometime in the past. And only I can change everything.
I am the master of my feelings. Nobody can make me feel anything. My feelings are a reflection of how I see the situation.
It is my responsibility to move away from what hurts me. I am responsible for protecting myself from those who harm me. I am responsible for paying attention to what is happening to me and assessing my share in what is happening.
There is no betrayal. And there is only faith that you have been betrayed, shifting responsibility from yourself outside.
As long as we depend on others, we are powerless to improve the situation.
HOW DID I CREATE THIS? (cause -> effect) In the Universe, everything is closely interconnected and nothing random can appear on our way. Everything that happens to us has a reason. To understand it, you need to ask yourself questions:
What actions or inactions have led me to the problem?
Which hidden reasons the same patterns of behavior are constantly reproduced in me, they make me step on the same rake.
WHY DID I CREATE THIS? (what is the meaning, lesson, experience, benefit in this for me? What aspect of myself should I still realize, heal thanks to this experience?).
“God allows our trials for something. If He doesn’t change our circumstances, then He wants to change us!” (Bert Helinger)
We ourselves turn our lives into drama and tragedy. We benefit from the role of the victim, the sufferer!
- This easy way to get something, a kind of manipulation (- Resentment is generated to create feelings of guilt among others (not always even the offender). Resentment has a clear goal - extortion. "You (all of you) are to blame (s) before me. You (you ) must atone for guilt. And I will choose the method of atonement! "Moreover, I still won’t say exactly what exactly I want to receive (often exactly like that) - so, your atonement will end only when I decide that I received (a) enough. True, a wrong atonement multiplies the offense, so that you kowtow in atonement before me forever.);
- it can be a source of development or growth, some kind of motivator, etc. My example: when I lacked the energy to go towards my goals, I created situations where I was offended. And then it was the resentment that gave me the energy to achieve the goal, to grow, to develop. It was with such fuel that I refueled my car (organism, body). And wondered why goal achieved(admission to Moscow State University, defended dissertation, desired harmony) did not give me joy, but only brought devastation and impotence ....
Personal boundaries are the ability to say no and hear no in return. This is an attempt to restore justice, based on self-righteousness.
When do we feel most offended? - When you give more than you receive, there are always complaints against those with whom an unequal give-and-take exchange is established. This is especially true for women - to sacrifice themselves and adapt to the desires and needs of a partner. But at some point, a claim arises as an overcorrection - and the woman issues an invoice and demands payment or leaves her partner (children, colleagues, friends) offended: “I have nothing more to give you - you did not appreciate me ...”. She feels injustice: she gave, gave, and what in return?
Many of us betray ourselves first, and then we are offended and take revenge on those who do the same to us. (does not respect our lies, betrays, disappoints). Life in constant betrayal of your needs, dreams, needs gives rise to claims, resentment, irritation, resentment towards others or, even more strongly, self-hatred (for not being able to say “no”).
An example, as Joy Gray writes in his bestselling book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", if a man, seeing his partner upset because of his intention to hide in a cave and feeling guilty for this, will change his nature - he will stay outside and try to console his beloved (when he himself feels bad), he becomes either irritable, overly touchy, demanding, with a lot of claims, or passive, weak, lying ... And neither he nor his partner realize what made him so.
In fact, it is a refusal to defend one's own dignity, needs, space. Which also corrupts those who are close to us!
Only by respecting yourself can you earn the respect of others. Only by respecting your own lies, you can treat other people's lies with respect and awe.
1) We recognize ourselves as the author of our unhealthy lies. We take 100% responsibility for how we treat them ourselves. We do not choose to suffer, be offended, blame ourselves or others for the fact that we ourselves cannot say “no”. Let's be honest with ourselves. A person who loves himself respects his personality, respects his personal boundaries, desires and needs. He respects in himself the freedom to make his own decisions, the freedom to live the way he wants. And that means others!
2) It is we who set the boundaries of our own giving. It is important that it does not grow into sacrifice and self-denial. The way out is simple: give as much as you feel sorry for and with a clear understanding of why you are doing it. Give not for thanks, but simply because there is and it’s not a pity. It is important for a woman to clearly define the boundaries of what she is ready to give to a partner without feeling irritated and resentful: “I do nothing for the sake of another and therefore he does not owe me anything. He doesn't do anything for me and therefore I don't owe him anything. We just do some things together. And we are happy about it."
When we stop sacrificing ourselves, trying to become convenient, necessary good for others, we stop demanding this from others!
I let my heart guide me, and when I give with joy and with all my heart, without any expectations or reservations, I know it's appropriate. But if I have doubts, hesitation or resentment, then I understand that this will not be appropriate.
For people who hate loved ones, the function of respect definitely does not work, this muscle is not formed, since respect is the ability to share boundaries, recognize another person as a separate being and at the same time maintain benevolence towards him. A person who knows how to respect does not hate anyone, does not feel resentment, envy, painful emotions, because all these negative emotions require high energy costs. If a person knows how to separate his boundaries, he can do without prolonged negative emotions. But if he does not know how, he has no choice but to rage and hate. Such a person knows only two states: He=I and then passionately loves, "gives himself away" or tries to absorb himself, merge, and He=Other, that is, an enemy, a dangerous creature, at best requiring alertness, but if this hostile creature is nearby (was a spouse, was a parent) it is doubly dangerous and it would be better to destroy it. That is why with people who feel hatred and painful resentment towards their ex-wives or parents, it's best to keep your distance outstretched hand especially not getting close. While you are a stranger, they are wary of you, but almost indifferent, they can even imitate courtesy, but as soon as you become close, you can only be in two forms: "half" or "traitor". No others.
What is the basis of respect and benevolent attitude towards people?
Firstly, I know how to separate the boundaries, that is, it recognizes that the second person does not obey him in any way, does not fall under his control, is on his own, has a separate will and view of the world.
Secondly, I am not afraid of such an individual person, does not despise, does not see him as an enemy, can be sympathetic and not wait for an attack, look from the side and rejoice in his separate existence.
People who do not know how to respect others are not able to treat someone else as a potential friend. A friend for them is one who enters the close circle of I, is a part of themselves. All others are enemies. That is, for such a person there is only a good Self, and bad not-me. It goes without saying that someone who entered the circle of I (parent, wife) and then left it became the main enemy, because he took with him a lot of personal things, that is, a person is especially vulnerable and open before him. He literally robbed the I and ruined it.
Is it possible to stay forever in the circle of I of such a person? That is, never become a traitor, an enemy, always enjoy his love? Theoretically, this is possible, but requires special behavior. In order for a person whose love is associated with appropriation to "love" you always, you should never oppose your I to his I, you should never create a conflict. You must live up to his expectations, and the expectations of such a person are very contradictory and almost always arbitrary. Due to the fact that his personality has not matured (and the "I-Enemies" system is an infantile construction, in an adult construction a field of subject-subject relations, "adult-adult", a field of benevolent respect necessarily appears) such a person has a lot of neurotic complexes , complex affects, phobias and dissonances, and all this will pour out on the "half". In order to remain a half and never cause hatred and panic (guard, I warmed the snake on my chest!) She will have to be a bottomless barrel of love, and a capricious despot will spit into this barrel from time to time to make sure that this is his barrel, and not someone else's (if someone else's it needs to be destroyed). Will the barrel receive thanks? Of course not. To thank someone for love, a person must be able to share boundaries and feel that the other is on his own, separately, and his love is an act of goodwill, a gift. If you are his property, your love belongs to him and so on. And by denying love, you take away his thing. Therefore, you will never receive any gratitude, you will have to be content with the happiness of being one with him.
Parents can be infantile, consider the child their part, adore him passionately or just as passionately hate him for betrayal (like all infantiles), while the child can be an adult and treat his parents with respect, that is, see them as separate people and look favorably on them. Benevolent does not mean obeying them and fulfilling their whims. On the contrary, it is impossible to be respectful and benevolent and at the same time feel like a weak-willed thing. These are opposite processes. Respectfully and benevolently means wishing people well and understanding their sovereignty, their separateness. And this ability does not depend on how the parents relate. It has nothing to do with how you are treated. It depends only on your level of maturity and the ability to feel your own subjectivity.
A full feeling of being a subject implies that a person also sees other people as subjects. One does not exist without the other. It is not true that a person can regard himself as a subject and other people as objects. That doesn't happen. A person who considers others to be his parts and tools is not fully aware of his subjectivity, does not feel boundaries, does not understand where he ends, where he begins, where his field of control is, where his Self is. Such a person can be an egocentric and most often happens, however, egocentrism and subjectivity are not only unequal, but also incompatible concepts. An egocentric considers the whole world to be himself, a person with conscious subjectivity is aware of the boundaries between himself and the world. If the egocentric is suddenly aware of the boundaries, he will either be forced to stop being an egocentric and begin an exchange with this world, or he will suffocate and die in the confinement of his boundaries, ceasing to use the world as the submissive body of a nursing mother. A simple example is someone else's refrigerator. As long as a person considers the refrigerator to be his own, he calmly takes food from it and does not bathe, but if he realizes that the refrigerator is someone else's in the full sense of the word, he will either be forced to starve or begin to offer the owner of the refrigerator something in exchange. That is why there are no egocentrics with the boundaries of subjectivity. One excludes the other.
What is so dangerous about people who are offended by their parents? What if their parents are really cruel egoists? Of course, this can and often does happen. However, no behavior of parents can lead to permanent resentment towards them (situational emotion may be, a constant feeling is not) and even more hatred towards them, if a person really shares boundaries with them and does not consider that parents are part of him. If he understands that they are other people, not he, not his servants, not his body organs, not the placenta that should feed him, he can analyze their wrong actions, but not experience a negative affect. This point is very difficult to understand for those who do not have the practice of separating boundaries, but it is obvious to all those who are already aware of their subjectivity, at least to some extent.
Can a person not share their boundaries with their parents, hate them and be offended by them, but at the same time be able to share boundaries in communication with others, that is, respect others and treat them kindly? No, It is Immpossible. The ability to separate borders is a general skill. Just as a person who knows how to speak does not lose this ability, so a person who knows how to share boundaries does this with any people. Being able to share does not mean keeping a distance. Vice versa. This means achieving any degree of closeness, even complete merging at some moments, but in the case of negative and unwanted contact, quickly and calmly share these boundaries. Why do such people never experience hatred and strong resentment? Such emotions are very energy-intensive, destructive, stressful. The organism would get rid of these emotions, itself, without any knowledge of the person, if in his personality there was a tool for this. But if a person is at such a stage of maturation that so far he can only merge and hate, the organism goes to hate if the merger is dangerous. That is, having discovered harm from a loved one, the brain begins to hate it in order to prevent further merging and use. Pay attention, hating people (whomever they hate) always say that hatred is the only remedy. If they had better means of protection, they would not plunge themselves into the stress of hatred.
The best means of protection is subjectivity and separation of boundaries. After that, a benevolent attitude is possible. This is the most energetically comfortable, economical and productive state. Having learned to live in this state, a person will never change it for another, just as a rare person will change his comfortable, large, with good ventilation and light, dwelling for a small stuffy and damp hole.
That is why, if you hear curses from a person towards someone (and this is not a temporary affect from overwork or conflict, but a stable worldview) and especially towards his close people (former and even more so real, that is, parents and children) you can be sure that you are dealing with a person who has not yet developed the boundaries of subjectivity. Such a person has the opportunity to develop and become an adult, but until he has become one, keep a certain caution in dealing with him, as if you were dealing with a person who cannot be relied upon, who at any moment can see you as a fierce enemy or his personal property.
You may have forgotten that the other person is different!
You merged with him into a single whole and began to identify him with yourself. Therefore, any behavior that deviates from yours is felt as alien.
“How could he do that, because I don’t do that!” "He was jinxed, bewitched ..."
The heartache at this moment is infernal! After all, if you walk with a person along the road of life, holding hands, then if you unstick your palms, there may be a burn, but not fatal. It will hurt, hurt and heal. And you can again look for a life partner. What if they merged? It feels like you've been skinned alive. Such a wound does not heal for a lifetime. It is impossible to be in a new relationship. Where among strangers to find a new skin?
Only an egocentric interprets the actions of another person as meanness.
Why did you decide that a person's behavior is directly related to you? I assure you, he is not thinking about you at this moment! He thinks ABOUT HIMSELF - about his problems, acts in his own interests. He has no intention of hurting or betraying. A person makes a decision that is most beneficial for him.
Remember what boundaries were set in our relationship with those with whom we are offended. What did we agree on with this person, and what did not. For example, honestly conduct approximately the following internal dialogue: - Did Petya promise to call me today? Did I ask him about it?
A. If there were agreements, there is no need to hush up the offense, sulk, avoid contact, etc. Resentment from this will not go anywhere, but on the contrary, it will draw even more vital energy. Yes, and relationships with others from such an approach are more likely to turn into a swamp. The best way out is to communicate your feelings and let the other person make their own choice. We need to declare ourselves, and this statement is not always soft, it can be quite environmentally friendly, but tough, and maybe even more aggressive, depending on how our boundaries in the relationship have been violated. Provide timely feedback on what is happening and set boundaries so that they meet our needs.
B. If during the internal survey it turns out that there were no agreements, then you need to act differently. Find out: why I am waiting for what I was not promised. This is a lot of inner work, primarily because it requires the realization that relationships are not built with real person, but with some internally. And the real Petya, serves only as a screen for the projection of this image, provides this image with life. Sometimes, in order for such an insult to dissolve, it is enough to realize that it turns out that Petya did not promise anything. The only way out in this situation is to build relationships with the real Petya, see his real one and tell him about your desires, find mutual language. Then the relationship will be possible. As long as we build relationships with an image in our heads, nothing good will come of such relationships. It is important to understand that there is no one to be offended by, and to direct energy towards exploring your desires and building relationships with a real person.
And then the unspoken request becomes a demand to repay the debt and restore the violated fairness of the exchange.
“The house is always such a mess!” = "Please help me clean up!"
"Do not you love me anymore!" = “I feel bad today. I feel very insecure. Please tell or show me that you love me!"
1) This is a feature of women - to give (anticipating the needs of a partner) until they lose their pulse, and when there is nothing more to give, bill and demand from the partner that he himself guess what they need (where is my fur coat? Diamonds?). But men, unlike women, make an effort when they are asked to.
“Why should I ask him for something? After everything I've done for him?" But to make claims to another for not guessing our desires is an empty business. A woman must learn that the fulfillment of her desires is the sphere of her responsibility.
The other person is not turned away by the very fact of our need, which we ask him to satisfy, but by the form of its expression - a demand, a claim, an insult!
2) Usually we put into our relationship what we need and want to receive ourselves. Few people realize that the needs and desires of a partner can be very different from our own. We express love in our native love language, which may be completely foreign to our partner. We invest and invest, but in the end, both are dissatisfied and each has accumulated a whole bunch of grievances.
It is important not to give your partner more and more Furthermore what is important to me, but to give him what he needs. A classic example: a man needs trust and acceptance as he is, and a woman needs support, care, protection. As a result, a man, instead of being supported by faith in him and his ability to cope with the problem himself, receives a bunch of advice, valuable guidance, or even worse - a woman takes on herself and begins to solve his problems. And a woman, instead of care and protection, receives the non-interference of a man and his trust that she herself will cope with everything. Way out: ask for what you need, don't wait for your partner to guess.
Resentment is the reaction of the inner child to dislike, to the thought that they don’t love me, don’t appreciate, don’t respect me, “I don’t mean anything to him.”
Facts are not needed for resentment, suspicions of not love are enough. Resentment suffocates at the thought that someone has the audacity not to love me, not to appreciate me and not to value me. Someone dared to do something that called into question my unconditional worth.
If you go deeper into resentment, then you will experience the pain of a helpless, abandoned, unloved child.
An offended person, at the very core of his suffering, experiences the pain of an unfortunate abandoned child. He is waiting for someone to fill him with their love, warm his icy hands and revive his soul. This is the pain of a child who, for some reason, did not receive this unconditional and all-filling parental love in childhood.
This pain can flare up every time like a match from any suspicion of not love, so that the second one proves to me that I am loved (a) and finally fills my soul, gives me what my parents could not give.
It is very difficult to admit your neediness, weakness and need for love and care, to ask for it. Because rarely anyone has the right to weakness. Not everyone is allowed to be weak and needy. Often a family brings up a child in such a way that the only thing that gives the right to weakness is illness. And people are unconsciously forced to use this trick to give themselves the opportunity to rest and ask for care.
Talking about your needs is not accepted, it is shameful and “unnatural”. You need someone else to figure it out.
“GIVE ME WHAT I NEED! IMMEDIATELY!"
A small child, whom the mother left alone and left, will choke for a long time from crying in the crib. Then he calms down and falls asleep. No, he won't calm down. Part of his soul will simply die. In his mind, his mother left him and will never return. This pain of an abandoned child, especially repeated many times in childhood, will make an adult person very painfully relate to the danger of losing love.
For a child, there is only him and his needs, he cannot understand that his mother left on her own. important matters that she was in the bathroom or she was ill or she left for five minutes and was detained. For a child, there is only him, his need for love and his grief that this love is not there when he needs it so much.
Adult people, after many many years, behave the same way as this child. For them, there is only their need for love and their pain if this love is not given. It is very difficult for them to realize that another person has needs that are different from theirs. “If you love me, be kind enough to give me what I need! And immediately!” They are sincerely offended when the other does not give and does not meet their needs. This resentment covers with burning pain and breaks the heart, not allowing to breathe.
FOR A PERSON WITH A SCAR IN THE SOUL, IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO CONSIDER THE NEEDS OF OTHER PEOPLE AND TO STATE OURS.
He expects the world, like a mother, to guess what he needs and give him everything. And if someone, especially a close one, does not do this, then the old pain and resentment covers him with his head.
Another person, he is… different. He has his own thoughts, his feelings, his ideas about himself and his life, his plans and his needs. His purpose is not to make you happy (yes, not that!) He lives his life and lives as best he can. How sad it is to talk about it, but your beloved man will never be able to become you loving dad to give you all that tenderness and unconditional love, admiration and adoration that dads give to little girls (those of them who are lucky).
A woman cannot replace her mother and love as unconditionally as she does. If she puts her whole life on the altar of love and lives only for you, then this love has a name - psychological dependence.
Filling a hole in your soul with another person is the dream of many disadvantaged people.
Expectations are an image (method) fixed in a person’s head to satisfy a need.
Our expectations are that ideal picture of the world that sits inside us, and we most often unconsciously try on everything around us, compare it with it. And in this inner ideal picture of the world, we have a firm conviction that, for example, mom should behave in this way, and dad in this way, that the beloved man must speak and do this, and not otherwise, and girlfriends should behave in a certain way. way. And we are perplexed, angry, disappointed and suffer in those moments when the real state of things does not correspond to what we expect within ourselves.
Have you ever had the feeling that a man seemed to have done something nice for you, but you are not happy, because a worm is eating inside you: “I expected something else from him” ?. How often do you say to someone: “I didn’t expect this from you ?!”, how much do you generally expect from others?
When we passionately want something, we wish, and our expectations about this are not justified, it is difficult for us to forgive. And if we suddenly realize that the world, our partners do not meet our expectations, we are not ready to forgive him. We are more comfortable living in a world of our own expectations than in a world of real people. And all because we have built expectations about ourselves - I'm not good enough to be loved, to be happy and we expect to change, become different and think that then I will become happier, and again the discrepancy ...
It is very important for us to realize that:
1. The surrounding people do not know about our picture of the world and most often do not even know about it.
2. People around us are not obliged to meet our expectations and are not obliged to guess them;
3. We have no right to demand that someone meet our expectations, we can only ask that a person understand our picture of the world and do something for us, provided that this does not destroy him mentally and emotionally.
And we don't forgive ourselves for it. I am not good enough, the whole world is not good enough, the people around me are not like that, all these patterns do not meet my expectations.
As a result, all this search for happiness to have the best - the best of yourself, best relationship, a better world - are directed outside and lead to even greater suffering.
1. I suggest you now take a few sheets of paper (or a notebook) and answer honestly to yourself:
What kind of behavior and attitude do you expect from your mother?
What do you expect from your dad?
What expectations do you have for your husband/wife (beloved man/woman, future husband/wife)?
What do you expect from your girlfriends / friends (in general and from each / each separately).
Describe your expectations on these sheets of paper in order to understand what ideal picture of the world lives inside you ... Re-read your expectations now, are they even real? Are REAL living people able to give you all this?
Most often, with our expectations, we fill some kind of void inside ourselves or cover up some kind of fear. This is important to be aware of. When we understand our true need, we really realize it, then the way in which it is satisfied becomes not so important to us, the very fact of satisfaction is important for us.
2. Think now (about each loved one) and write it down:
What is my need for a relationship with this person? What do I really want (care, attention, etc.)?
How do I expect this need to be met by this person (specific steps of a loved one)?
Does this person know about my need, have we talked about it?
Is this person able to satisfy this need of mine without harming himself?
What makes my close person in order to satisfy this need of mine (his possible vision of what and how to do)?
It is very important to realize what our deepest need is and to whom it is really directed. Because often, for example, we want the attention of our parents, but we don’t get it, and at the same time we try to demand all the attention from our husband that we lack from our parents. That is, we expect and charge him with the obligation to give us everything. But this is wrong and not possible. A husband is not a mom or a dad, and we cannot plug all the gaps in them.
Who are your expectations really directed to?
Next, you need to say the words addressed to yourself: “I free myself from expectations about this person. I accept my need ... (indicate the need that underlies the expectation, for example, for love, attention, etc.). I allow myself to satisfy this need on my own and accept help from other people in the form in which they can give it to me, with love and gratitude. This practice should be done several times, ideally 21 days in a row, and each time expectations arise during this time.
Claims come from the mind and false ego. Gratitude is from the heart!
As long as there are claims and grievances, the heart is closed.
If I am immature, in symbiosis (I=Other), then a person cannot feel gratitude and love for the Other. Everything that comes from the other to him, he takes for granted, due, as an extension of himself. And he is hurt, offended by the fact that the other at some point stops doing it or does less than before. There is indignation: how can he not give me what I expected! Such a person does not understand that love is a gift of a free Other, worthy of gratitude.
Resentment seizes us when we lose the ability to love and care. In most cases, the offended person feels like he is giving more to others than he is getting in return. Because of the injustice done to him, he shies away from love. However, by closing your heart, you lose the ability to create what you want, and you cannot be loving and generous.
By focusing on what we have not received in this life because of our resentment, we miss other opportunities to give and receive. By not forgiving others, you are living in the past.
You feel sorry for yourself when you lose your innate ability to be grateful for all that life has given you. By focusing on what you didn't get, you can no longer feel grateful for what you have, and you don't notice the many opportunities that open up.
Before you talk about problems, take a closer look: are you complaining about your own benefits?
I have a house that needs cleaning. Children scurrying underfoot. A job to go to. Money that needs to be better managed. Many friends with whom there is no time to keep in touch. At times I can barely keep afloat. Believe me, the feeling is not pleasant.
I have a house. I have children. I have a job. I have money. I have many friends. What am I complaining about? It's not a burden, but a blessing. Yes I am busy. Yes, sometimes too busy. But if you think about it, the reason I'm busy is because I'm generously gifted. Can this award be stressful? Sometimes it can. But do I want it to be the other way around? No work? No friends? No family? No money? No home?
It turns out that when we are unhappy, we often complain about our own benefits.
The first step to love is gratitude.
In this world, few people thank anyone.
You have to keep track of how much gratitude you have and how many complaints you have about others. You will find that we often more claims than gratitude. Claims come from the mind and false ego.
An unhappy person is, first of all, ungrateful. He is always dissatisfied, he just is not enough.
1) Take everything for granted, for granted (when a partner has done something for us once or twice or three, then on the fourth we simply begin to expect this from him and are offended if he refuses to give us something that we do not value and for which we are not truly grateful.)
2) Devalue what we have - very often in order to achieve even more. Our entire Western civilization is built on this! Our desires are constantly sublimated: new goods, services. - in order to sell all this, a context of eternal insufficiency and dissatisfaction is implanted. Self-claims are self-blame in order to become perfection. But the ideal is dead. Life is beautiful in its "imperfection".
3) Impossible to bring more joy into our own lives if we are not grateful for what we have. Because the thoughts and feelings that we radiate when we experience feelings that are the opposite of gratitude attract even more things into our lives for which we do not want to be grateful.
The Power of the Gratitude State:
Life switches from "on autopilot" to conscious mode. Indeed, in order to begin to thank, one must begin to notice, be conscious and stop perceiving life out of habit. We start enjoying the little things. Gratitude is always a state of joy here and now! Gratitude opens new doors for us!
The habit of gratitude also suppresses negative emotions. This is a good detour! Gratitude changes the flow of your energy. Changes your focus. Before that, you probably focused on what you don't have or your problems. Using gratitude, you begin to focus on what is good, what you already have, and this creates a flow of positive feelings that attracts new positive circumstances into your life.
When we give thanks, we hatch out of the cocoon of the "unfortunate victim," the child. We begin to see the positive in every person, in every event, at least an experience, a lesson - and love everything that happens. This is maturity. You have to love what you already have. Immaturity always lives in “what if” or “it would be nice”, but never in “is”, but “is” is reality. We take responsibility for everything that has happened and is happening to us - we become conscious creators of our life. And this is the greatest happiness in itself!
Gratitude is recognition (non-resistance), letting go, healing, release. Claims against other people are our chains, ropes, lack of freedom from them. The metaphor of the postman: as long as we have claims against our parents, we have not even begun to live our lives, we do not even open the “life” package, but argue with the postman ... It is impossible to separate from our parents, “grow up”, gain maturity without feeling gratitude to them for giving life and much more. Can't let go former partner without being grateful to him for being him and for having learned an important lesson together.
Neil Donald Walsh: "Find the gift this man came to you for... I'm not sending you anything but Angels!"
1. As your ability to create increases, it will become easier for you to forgive. And by learning to forgive, you will develop your ability to create.
It is important to shift the focus of expectations from another person to yourself, that is, instead of waiting for someone to please us, start taking care of ourselves more, supporting ourselves more, etc., developing mature self-sufficiency. Take back control of our lives, because when we expect something from others, it means that we give them control of our lives, impose on them the responsibility for our happiness and well-being.
Many people feel that they should have more in this world. But, not knowing how to get what they want, they perceive themselves as deprived. To get rid of the feeling that you were not invited to fun party, necessary. come to it yourself. No one will do what only you can do.
2. Human behavior upsets us only when it reflects those aspects of our being that we especially dislike in ourselves and therefore project onto others. The person gives us a chance to accept and love the part of ourselves that we have cursed, and in this respect this person is our healing angel. Through our stories (which are false perceptions of reality), we create our own life and reality. We always attract people who reflect our false perceptions, thus providing us with the opportunity to heal from error and move in the direction of truth.
Consider your insatiable desire to be right. People make a huge investment in being right and are trained from childhood to stand up for it, which usually involves the need to make someone else wrong. We even determine our own worth based on how often we are right. Therefore, it is not surprising that we find it so difficult to accept that something just is - and nothing is inherently right or wrong, good or bad.
We come into physical life with a mission: to fully experience a particular energy pattern, to feel the sensations associated with that pattern, and then to transform that energy through love. Life is not a random event.
We learn and grow through relationships with other people. Through this same relationship, we heal our underlying trauma and return to unity. Surrounding people play a crucial role in a person's life, because they reflect him. distorted perception reality and its projections, and also help him to realize the material repressed into the subconscious and thus heal.
Everything we condemn in others is actually what we condemn in ourselves.
Every person we meet in life gives us the opportunity to choose between projection and forgiveness, unity and separation.
If you attract a lot into your life evil people, then, most likely, you have not yet figured out your own anger. If people give you too little love, you're probably skimping on love yourself. If people steal from you, it means that some part of your being is being dishonest or considers itself dishonest. If you are constantly betrayed, you may have betrayed someone in the past. If you are an ardent opponent of homosexuality, it is possible that you simply cannot accept that part of yourself that sometimes experiences homosexual desires.
The funny thing is that those people who upset us the most, on a soul level, love and support us more than anyone else. Almost always, these people are trying to teach us lessons to help us better understand ourselves and heal our traumas (and often they do it at the expense of their own nerves and comfort).
The Law of Resonance helps us attract into our lives people who resonate with our own problems so that we can heal. For example, if a person's problem is loneliness, he tends to attract people to him, who eventually leave him.
We think that this or that situation is the worst thing that has ever happened to us, but in fact it gives us the key to healing some deep-seated trauma that prevents our happiness and growth.
Forgiveness is about not resisting life, it's about letting life live through you. The alternatives are pain and suffering, and in many cases even physical ailments, which greatly impede the flow of life energy. It is at the moment when you truly forgive that you reclaim your power from the mind. Unforgiveness is the very nature of the mind, as is the nature of the mind-created false self, the ego, unable to survive without strife and conflict. The mind cannot forgive. Only you can. You become present, you enter the body, you feel the vibrations of peace and tranquility emanating from Being. That's why Jesus said, "Before you enter the temple, forgive."
True (radical) forgiveness is about letting go, about liberation. What does it mean to forgive? It means giving away the most valuable thing you have - giving away your ego, your expectations.
The existence of the ego is entirely based on division. Without separation, we do not need to defend or attack - therefore, at the moment of unification, we raise our vibrations, give up defense mechanisms and become who we really are. At the same time, we give up our own projections and see in man a child of God, perfect in every way. This is the essence of Radical Forgiveness.
Radical Forgiveness comes from the premise that NOTHING bad happens, and therefore, there is nothing to forgive. There is NO need to blame.
The goal of radical forgiveness is to see the truth behind the surface of visible events and find the love and perfection behind every situation. Looking at what is happening in a different perspective, we were able to perceive the idea that nothing bad actually happened and, in fact, there is nothing to forgive.
Ask for forgiveness from yourself. Sooner or later, you realize that you need to forgive yourself for all the wounds and all the poison, for all the suffering that you caused yourself by creating just such a dream. And when you forgive yourself, harmony with yourself comes, self-love strengthens. This is the highest forgiveness - when you finally forgive yourself.
Ask yourself, why would I benefit from not forgiving myself or someone/something in my life? And suddenly you find that it turns out not to forgive:
- this is an easy way to get something, a kind of manipulation;
- these can be false personal boundaries, when you are thus protected from people;
- so you can protect yourself from pain or betrayal;
is a way to attract more attention, care, support, love;
- it can be a source of development or growth, some kind of motivator, etc.
This is the way to get life experience, wisdom;
This is a way of life built on the pleasure of ritualized suffering over the experience ...
And then you will see that all claims and insults are created by you, for you and your safety. And then you will see what you hid behind the accusation of yourself and others. And then you will be able to make a free choice - to continue to drag the load of claims and insults, or to go through life lightly. The choice is yours!
It is difficult for you to let a new person into your life. Are you still resentful ex-man(woman).
You broke up a long time ago, but you realize that all thoughts are about who left.
You still cannot forgive what was done to you.
You feel powerless over your hurt. You no longer have energy for yourself, the implementation of your plans, dreams, goals. And youth, beauty and the desire to unconditionally give your love are melting before our eyes.
Doctors have already made you a disappointing diagnosis.
Annoyed, angry, dissatisfied with themselves, each other and the situation, people often make the same mistakes.
Why did I call it mistakes? Yes, because as a result of such behavior, the situation only worsens or becomes chronic.
These are the typical mistakes:
Silence. People get annoyed with each other and are silent about it, holding back. At the same time, the partner who is annoyed with may not understand at all what the matter is! Sometimes he even directly asks: "Are you angry?" - "Yes, no" - he answers annoyed, showing with his whole appearance that "Yes, I'm angry." In psychology, this is called a double bind.
For example, a love relationship. Imagine a woman is annoyed with a man, but does not talk about it. But she walks sad, does not want to have sex, constantly grumbles over trifles. He thinks (as an option) - she fell out of love. Consequence - he moves away, or verbally attacks her, etc.
Or a man, secretly annoyed with a woman, goes to the computer, does not want to talk heart to heart, behaves aloof. She thinks (as an option) - he found another. Suffering, mistrust, scandals.
I saw very exhausted (emotionally and physically) bosses, subordinates who did someone else's work, and even after the end of working hours, endured the unpleasant habit of a colleague, his/her silent condemnation. They could not find words to resolve the situation. Instead, they fantasized about firing a colleague, or leaving the organization themselves, "and set it on fire."
Explosion. Irritation tends to accumulate, resulting in an explosion. And this is the second mistake, because often an explosion destroys relationships, causing feelings of guilt, bitterness and disappointment.
An exploding person becomes literally inadequate. He greatly exaggerates the situation and devalues his partner, morally destroying him. A partner turns on such an inadequate person in response and does not remain in debt. As a rule, he also slanders a lot of superfluous things. Familiar?
I heard about a case when a man drove his woman out into the street in winter in a dressing gown and without money. When a woman threw her husband's favorite computer from the 10th floor, and of course, we all constantly hear about mutual insults.
After everything that happened in this spirit, people come to the conclusion that next to them is a cruel, not loving and not appreciating them, but simply an inadequate person. Those who exploded may repent of their deeds, but at the same time they understand that they could no longer restrain themselves, they do not know another way to express their irritation.
Revenge. And in love, and in friendship, and even more so in business relations revenge often results in betrayal and treason. Also, revenge can be expressed in all forms of fraud.
The disappearance of the necessary things, documents, and the partner himself. Refusal to help difficult moment. Revenge removes the intensity of anger, but leads to new problems, backfire. The result is more anger, loss of trust and destruction of relationships.
Getting away from the problem. This is another mistake. Often, when people are angry at each other, they decide to take a time out, step back for a while, get distracted by not clarifying the situation with each other.
Admittedly, sometimes, rather rarely, it works. It works if the problem resolves itself during the timeout. As you can imagine, this doesn't happen often. Regular avoidance of problems leads to a complication of the situation and to the loss of relationships, both business and personal. Contact and interest is lost, and irritation accumulates.
Criticism. Criticism can be fair, partially fair and unfair. The most big mistake- defuse your irritation by criticizing a person unfairly. But other types of criticism should also be handled carefully, because no matter what anyone says, it’s insulting.
Example. It happens that for a woman the problem is that a man scatters his things around the house. The woman regards this as a personal disregard for her care of the house and for her, she tells him: you are an infantile slob. Or: "you always ...", "you never ...". How do you think he will feel? This is an unfair criticism as he doesn't always clean up after himself. After all, 2 months ago, cleaned the same !? The error came out.
Or in friendly relations. One friend solves all the common issues all the time: organizes vacations, collects sandwiches for a picnic, looks at the location map, etc. The second girlfriend just enjoys. At the same time, the first friend is annoyed by this, and constantly criticizes the second friend. And for some reason for irresponsibility in general. Criticism is not to the point, but only partially fair, the second friend is so irresponsible only in the above issues. That is why she can simply dismiss the critical nonsense of the first girlfriend.
Or at work - the boss does not trust the employee with her immediate work, doing it herself. Criticizing the employee, she breaks down: "yes, you're just stupid, your hands are growing out of w...". She is offended, angry, resists. The criticism is unfair. The situation is getting worse.
Claims and insults. Do you know the difference between a request and a demand? You probably know, but with your permission, I will nevertheless express the wording that I like. So. A request implies the possibility of refusal, but a demand does not. Making claims, rolling out insults is a big mistake. Even just because each of us ALWAYS HAS THE RIGHT TO REFUSE.
A claim is a claim. The claim does not imply the possibility of doubting one's wrongness or refusal.
For example, a woman makes claims to a man, reproaching him for laziness on the basis of her demand: "you must provide for your family." She has no doubts, does not ask him: “what do you want yourself?” Maybe he even wants the same thing as her! But her claims activate the rebel in him, and he resists. What if he doesn't want to provide for his family? Do you think she can re-educate him?
Or a man makes a claim to his wife: “again, our house is dirty” based on his demand for her: “you must cook and iron.” A mistake, because in response she will rebel - hidden or open.
Other popular (and completely unrealistic) demands are “you must never make a mistake”, “you must be careful”, “always be on time”, “be perfect”. Behind any claim is: “you must / must ...”, and this debt causes irritation, impotence, rebellion.
The same with resentment. When a person is offended, behind his resentment there is always an unspoken claim "you should / should ...". Example. The woman was offended that the man was late (hidden claim: “you should have come on time.” The offended woman’s expectation did not materialize, although she did not express her claim directly. calling for debt sooner or later hardens, loses interest in relationships and partnerships.
Manipulation. It is tempting to achieve what you want secretly, from under the silence. But this is a mistake, because the fee is high - a breach of trust. It's just a matter of time! Almost all of us avoid manipulators, dodge and resist them. As a result, the manipulator remains with the nose.
Following the above tips, you will surely come from irritation to mutual understanding in love, friendship and business. True, in order to adequately follow them, you need to have a desire, their correct understanding and well-developed skills of emotional hygiene, irritation management.
As a psychotherapist, I often come across very neglected situations, when mutual irritation of people's claims, criticism destroyed good, warm relationship and nothing can be returned. If only these people had caught on sooner! We did preventive maintenance!
Prevent Anger Poisoning, it is possible to get rid of its deposits. It is also possible to find such forms of expressing one's dissatisfaction with each other that strengthen, rather than destroy, relationships.
You just have to want and learn useful skills!
Anna Vyacheslavovna Uzbekova
Psychologist, Gestalt therapist, trainer
"People's World", Moscow
Website: www.mirludey.org
Mail: This address Email protected from spambots. You must have JavaScript enabled to view.
