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"Boy and girl in the family. Problems and approaches in education" - speech at the parent conference

Introduction

Conclusion

Bibliography

Introduction

Raising independent, self-confident girls is critical, but also very difficult for parents. Low self-esteem, sadly, it becomes a problem for many girls. Far from reality, the pictures imposed by the media, as well as strong peer pressure regarding appearance and behavior, lead to the fact that many girls begin to feel embarrassed and afraid by adolescence.

Girls with high self-esteem, on the other hand, are more likely to believe in themselves and have a stronger sense of self-worth. They are also less likely to start using drugs and alcohol or engage in other dangerous activities. In addition, they are more willing to take on difficult tasks and overcome difficulties and do not back down or give up when things start to go wrong. You can play a significant role in raising your daughters to self-respect by making them feel valued and loved.

Thus, the main problem of our generation in the education of girls is the education of femininity and the guardian family hearth.

Features of raising a girl in a family

parenting girl daughter character

The family plays the main role in shaping the moral principles and life principles of the child.

The family creates or destroys personality, it is in the power of the family to strengthen or undermine the mental health of its members. The family encourages some personal inclinations, while preventing others, satisfies or suppresses personal needs. The family structures the possibilities for achieving security, pleasure and fulfillment. It indicates the boundaries of identification, contributes to the appearance of the image of the person's "I".

It depends on how relationships are built in the family, what values and interests are put forward by its senior representatives to the fore, what kind of girl will grow up. The climate of the family affects the moral climate and the health of the whole society. The girl is very sensitive to the behavior of adults and quickly learns the lessons learned in the process of family education. It is almost impossible to re-educate a girl from a problem family. The child has learned certain rules, and society will pay for such gaps in education. The family prepares the child for life, is his first and deepest source of social ideals, and lays the foundations for civic behavior.

Parents - the first educators - have the strongest influence on children. More J.-J. Rousseau argued that each subsequent teacher has less influence on the child than the previous one. Parents are prior to all others; kindergarten teacher, teacher primary school and subject teachers. They are given by nature the advantage in the upbringing of children. Ensuring family education, its substantive and organizational aspects are the eternal and very responsible task of mankind.

Deep contacts with parents create in children a stable state of life, a sense of confidence and reliability. And parents bring a joyful feeling of satisfaction.

In healthy families, parents and children are connected by natural everyday contacts. This is such a close communication between them, as a result of which spiritual unity arises, the consistency of the main life aspirations and actions. The natural basis of such relationships is family ties, feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, which are manifested in parental love and caring affection of children and parents.

Features of family education were studied by A.I. Zakharov, A.S. Spivakovskaya, A.Ya. Varga, E.G. Eidemiller, J. Gippenreiter, M. Buyanov, 3. Mateychek, G. Homentauskas, A. Fromm, R. Snyder and others.

A.S. made a huge contribution to the study of family relations. Makarenko, who developed the most important issues of family education. In the "Book for Parents" Makarenko shows that the family is a primary team, where everyone is full members with their own functions and responsibilities, including the child.

A.E. Lichko, studying the problems of intra-family relations, identified unfavorable situations in the family (hyper-custody, neglect, a situation that creates an "idol in the family", a situation that creates "Cinderellas" in the family).

In general, we can say that the problems of family education are studied by many scientists who cover this issue with different aspects.

The task of the family is to educate not only consumers, contemplators of beauty, but also active participants in its creation in all possible areas and spheres, to educate the daughter as a comprehensively developed personality.

Parents as educators will not succeed if they do not know the characteristics of their daughter. After all, every person, no matter how old he is, is a specific, unique personality. Therefore, a father and mother cannot be satisfied with the ordinary idea of their daughter. For the purpose of education, a constant and in-depth study of the daughter is required, a special identification of her interests, requests, hobbies, inclinations and abilities, advantages and disadvantages, positive qualities and negative traits. Only then will the father and mother get the opportunity to purposefully and reasonably, and therefore, fruitfully influence the formation of the personality of a growing baby, focusing on her positive aspects and developing them, and on the other hand, persistently overcoming negative traits.

In studying their daughter, parents will be helped by casual conversations on issues of interest, observing his behavior both at home and on the street, in in public places, at school - in communication with comrades, during work, rest. What the child reads, how he spends his free time, with whom he makes friends, what games he plays - parents should know the answers to these and similar questions. Teachers will answer some questions. But the assessment of strangers can be biased, incorrect. Trust is the main line of behavior of the father and mother. It is very important that the child, the children also trust them.

When raising children, parents should take into account their gender characteristics.

After all, boys and girls differ not only in appearance: male or female nature manifests itself long before puberty and leaves its definite imprint on their feelings, consciousness and behavior. At the same time, one should not forget that the representatives of the male and female sexes are, nevertheless, primarily united by universal human qualities that are characteristic of both; sexual features are mainly distinguished only by some accent within the limits of the characteristics of a person in general. To know about this and keep in mind the psychological characteristics of a person, due to her gender, means to have the opportunity to rely on everything positive, to take into account possible negative manifestations and, consequently, to carry out family education more effectively.

Some significant differences between boys and girls are found already in the first months of their lives. For example, some girls faster boys develop both physically and psychologically, they begin to speak about 2-4 months earlier. On average, by the age of three, girls, with the help of their parents and others, already know about their gender, distinguish the sex of other children and adults.

As the child grows, sexual psychological characteristics gradually increase. They manifest themselves in the level of emotional reactions, in specific interests and inclinations, in the nature of thinking, in relation to specific facts, and so on.

Consider the features of the psyche of a girl.

In girls, already at an early age, the "instinct of motherhood" is manifested, expressed in interest in other babies, in games, in a caring attitude towards dolls. Their attention is attracted primarily by a person, his relationship with other people. The older they get, the more their interest in inner world person, his feelings, behavior. Girls are also characterized by a predominant interest in what directly surrounds them (furniture, utensils, clothing, etc.).

Girls communicate more with their mother, are more attached to the house. They are, as a rule, more diligent and diligent than boys, more accurate, thrifty, and conscientious. They are more likely to take care of others, to care, as well as to teach, criticize. The increased emotionality of the female representatives is often the reason for their lack of objectivity. The susceptibility of the female psyche is higher than that of the male, girls are more touchy, proud, they react more sharply to both encouragement and censure.

In girls, involuntary attention is more developed, they are more attracted to concrete visualization. They are easier to suggest; adapt to new surroundings faster, feel more confident in unusual conditions.

The range of their cognitive interests is less diverse than that of boys.

Of the school subjects, they more often prefer literature, history, foreign languages. More than boys, they love to read, are fond of poetry, and play music. It is usually easier for teachers to work with girls, and this is partly why it is they who, as a rule, predominate in the student's active, are the headmen.

In adolescence, girls and boys show mutual increased interest, which is due to the process of puberty. In this regard, girls have increased attention to their appearance, an active desire to please others is manifested. Communication, friendship with a boy sometimes takes on the character of falling in love. In such cases, the role of parents and teachers is very large, whose task is to develop in advance and tactfully in children an understanding of what should be the relationship between male and female adolescents, between boys and girls.

a brief description of psychological characteristics of girls allows us to draw some conclusions and formulate recommendations on how to bring them up in the family, taking into account these characteristics and what is the role of father and mother in this.

The appearance of a child in the family, first of all, requires the creation of normal living conditions for his life and development, the proper environment. Taking care of the health of the baby, it is important for parents from the first weeks to remember the need to stimulate his emotional and intellectual development. Regular friendly communication, conversations with young children, affection from both mother and father, lullabies, use of available toys - all this serves the interests of such development.

The role of the mother in the upbringing of the girl

The main educator of the daughter in the family, as a rule, is the mother. She gives life to a child, feeds him, maternal feelings are decisive in her attitude towards her baby. Naturally, girls also respond to their mothers in an appropriate way; between them - especially at an early age of a child - closer relations are usually established than between children and their father. This circumstance is of significant importance, which should be taken into account and used in order to educate both girls and boys.

The closeness of the relationship favors the educational influence of the mother on the child, and therefore it is very important that the mother be a real model for her daughter in everything. The natural susceptibility of girls, their involuntary attention, subconscious interest in everything visual, concrete help them to automatically assimilate what they see, hear, feel when communicating with their mother. And if the mother, remembering this, in her behavior, lifestyle, appearance will try to serve as a worthy example for his daughter from the first weeks - the success of his influence in to a large extent will be guaranteed. This also applies to attitudes towards people, things, work and the nature of the manifestation of emotions, and manner of speaking, and much more. The daughter, first of all, adopts external forms of behavior from her mother, and many internal features that determine the appearance and character of a woman. So, if a mother has femininity, it is thanks to her that this quality becomes a property of her daughter.

The appearance of a younger child in the family provides rich opportunities for the upbringing and development of a girl of many typical female traits, which are manifested in caring for babies and the weak, in caring for them, in affection and tenderness.

The role of the father in the upbringing of the girl

Consider the role of a father in raising a daughter.

Dad, on the other hand, acts as the main man of her environment, a kind of standard of masculinity. And the daughter expects love, attention, tenderness and care from these two most important people in her life. Justifying these expectations, as often as possible be interested in the thoughts and feelings of your daughter, ask her about the impressions of the past day, about what pleased or upset the child. By teaching a girl from childhood to share her troubles and victories with her parents, you will thereby establish a trusting and close relationship with her. Subsequently, you can always provide the necessary support and give useful advice in a timely manner.

Make your child feel that you are always ready to help and take an active part in solving the child's problems. The support and approval of parents, mutual understanding in the family will help the girl grow up as an open and friendly person, using her abilities without fear and showing talents in everyday activities. If parents do not take into account such a child’s dependence on support and participation, then the daughter may develop low self-esteem, a feeling of worthlessness, weakness and defenselessness. The girl can withdraw into herself and begin to avoid communication with people around her.

In any activity for girls, it is important who will evaluate their work and how they will evaluate it. If boys are interested in the very essence of evaluation, then girls expect their parents' emotional reaction to the impression they made. They expect admiration for their skills, appearance: outfits, hairstyle, beauty, etc. The formation of self-esteem in a girl directly depends on the assessments that people around her give her. And their opinion about themselves is very important for the girl. A positive assessment of her actions, actions or appearance will increase her self-confidence, give additional energy to continue the necessary actions.

When raising a girl, use compliments more often. The ability to notice the qualities and traits of the child’s character, important details of his appearance will help to evoke positive emotions for the baby, establish himself in the correctness of the action and form positive thinking. For example, "What a beautiful blouse you have, it suits your eyes very much", "What clean and tidy dolls you have, you play very carefully with them." You can praise a child for everything - for helping around the house, for studying at school, for a neat appearance. But it is also important to feel the measure. Do not cross the line beyond which the praised dignity turns into a disadvantage. So, constantly focusing the girl's attention on her external beauty, you can form an overestimated self-esteem in a child, which in the future will cause problems in communicating with other children.

Girls are characterized by a manifestation of interest in relationships between people, in their experiences, behavior, emotions. With age, interest in the inner world, her own or the people around her, only increases. This interest is manifested in the desire to know oneself, to analyze the actions of others. In adolescence, girls start questionnaire diaries for their girlfriends, or begin to keep Personal diary writing down their thoughts. Always be there, help find answers to their questions, find ways out of difficult situations. The participation of parents in the upbringing of the child should not be manifested in the form of spontaneous actions. This is an ongoing process. Children learn life from our own perspectives. The more we encourage and praise them, the more we support and love them, the more joy they see in the world around them, and the more success they achieve in life.

The father, personifying the masculine principle in the family, mainly lays the rational foundations in children. His communication with his daughter gives her an idea of men in general and thus helps her to feel and more clearly realize her feminine nature. Taking into account the attachment inherent in girls to the house, to what directly surrounds them, the father should pay special attention to educating curiosity, strive to expand the horizons of his daughter, to acquaint her with what goes beyond what she already knows. This is helped by reading fairy tales, learning poetry, looking at and coloring pictures, drawing, listening to music, communicating with nature, watching children's TV shows. Of great benefit are joint walks and excursions, accompanied by the necessary explanations, as well as contacts with peers.

The educational efforts of both father and mother in relation to a girl of preschool age should to a large extent be directed towards properly preparing her for schooling. This means: to persistently continue the development and encouragement of curiosity in children, the desire to learn, to cultivate interest in school, learning, to form a respectful attitude towards the teacher. It is important to orient girls in advance to good, kind relations with boys at school, to focus on the need for friendly joint activities, games, mutual assistance. The presence of a brother in the family, of course, greatly facilitates the solution of this problem.

The daughter's admission to school is a great event for her and her parents. Having become a schoolgirl, the girl is actively involved in the system of social relations, which usually appeals to most of them. She assumes quite specific responsibilities - to study conscientiously, at the same time gaining certain rights as a member of the school team. With the advent of a schoolgirl in the family, a teacher can become a true ally and a qualified assistant to parents. Therefore, the primary concern of parents is to establish business contacts with him and jointly solve the urgent problems of education.

In the family, a schoolchildren need to create appropriate conditions for classes and recreation. Of great importance is the clear organization of the regime, which would provide for all the main points that ensure normal life. In this regard, parents have the opportunity to consult at school with a teacher, a school doctor, while taking into account the specific features of their family's life.

Realizing that for a novice schoolgirl, learning is not only a new occupation, but also serious work, a difficult and responsible task, parents should pay daily attention to her studies, take an interest in her successes, delve into difficulties, and, if necessary, provide assistance with explanations and advice, additional exercises. There are useful didactic and other games, visual aids, both purchased and made with my daughter. Along with substantive assistance to a schoolgirl in learning, it is important to continue to expand her horizons, develop independence, encourage cognitive activity using conversations, reading together, excursions, etc.

Based on everything positive in the character of their daughter, the father and mother should strive to carry out her comprehensive development, improve the most important personal qualities, while identifying negative traits and overcoming them. For this purpose, explanations and accustoming are used - the girl is told and shown how to act in this or that case, and then, if necessary, is reminded of this. The increased suggestibility of girls favors the effective impact of such methods.

It is advisable to apply encouragement if the child deserves them by good behavior, success in learning, good deeds. It can be praise, permission to entertain, a welcome gift. IN necessary cases punishments are also possible: reprimand, deprivation of pleasure. Taking into account the sensibility and resentment of girls, the application of punishments in relation to them requires special tact and caution.

Of course, any physical punishment that degrades the dignity of both the one who is subjected to such punishment and the one who punishes is completely excluded. Without solving problems, they interfere with normal upbringing, as they cause fear in the child, the desire to hide their misdeed, lead to alienation, and sometimes their consequences can be serious physical or mental injuries.

In adolescence, the upbringing of girls becomes noticeably more complicated.

Pretending to be adults, they prefer to have their own opinion on many issues, which does not always coincide with the opinion of their elders, and make high demands on others. The range of their interests is expanding, activity is increasing, the desire to have a wider circle of communication with both peers and older people is aggravated.

Experiencing certain difficulties with studying in grades 5-6, caused, in particular, by the onset of puberty, girls subsequently cope mainly with these difficulties and for the most part study more evenly than teenage boys. Comparatively better is the situation with them and with discipline.

Since many schoolgirls prefer humanitarian academic subjects, for the purpose of comprehensive development, it makes sense for parents to draw their attention to natural science disciplines, to reveal the importance of such subjects as mathematics, physics, chemistry, to improve thinking, improve general culture. At the same time, given their interest in the inner world of a person, it is important to assist them in this regard through casual conversations on relevant topics, discussions of works of art, and recommendations of available literature on psychology. Teenage girls willingly read popular books on moral issues, specific issues of relationships between people, between the sexes, and a culture of behavior, which has positive influence on their moral and general development.

Adolescence of a schoolchild is associated with the problem of choosing his future profession. Together with the school, the father and mother should pay special attention to this problem, on the one hand, revealing the inclinations and abilities of the daughter, and on the other, introducing various areas activities, specialties, professions. In principle, very many, almost all existing professions are available to female representatives, but there are many of those that best suit female nature, correspond to their physical and psychological characteristics. For example: a teacher, a teacher, a doctor, a nurse, a typist, a dressmaker, a saleswoman, a hairdresser, a cook, a milkmaid, etc. When choosing a profession, along with the personal interests of a girl, the state of her health is important, family traditions and other circumstances to be taken into account. In any case, we must not forget that the right and justified choice of vocation, life path is a very important prerequisite for human happiness, material and moral well-being.

In middle and senior school age, the task of preparing a daughter for family life becomes especially urgent. Creating a family, raising and raising children is the natural duty of every healthy person. In the process of family education, it is necessary to gradually, gradually, but steadily, when the opportunity arises, inspire the girl, and then the girl, with the idea that she will eventually have her own family, children. Such psychological attitude is essential, helps to form a positive attitude towards the family, stimulates purposeful preparation for future family life.

Of course, it must be borne in mind that a lot is determined by the example of the parental family.

If a girl sees from day to day how well and amicably her father and mother live, help each other in everything, what a warm and benevolent atmosphere constantly reigns in the house, how much easier it is to overcome any difficulties through joint efforts, she will naturally get the impression that that it is the family that creates all the conditions for happiness, that everyone really needs it.

Conclusion

When a girl is born in a family, it seems to parents that their life will be calm, peaceful, full of tenderness and affection. But it soon turns out that the baby has a lively and persistent character, which is not so easy to deal with. She is naughty, screams, pushes, tears books and breaks toys. And mom only shrugged her hands in bewilderment, not even guessing how to raise her fidget real lady.

In fact, the upbringing of girls may differ depending on their character. If some babies are quite assiduous and quiet, then others can give odds to even the most frisky little boys. But this does not mean at all that little fidgets in the future will not want to have a family, kids, a favorite job and a stable life. Therefore, every mother should be able to grow a good and kind out of her crumbs. open girl with good manners and the right outlook on life.

Bibliography

1.Azarov Yu.P. Family Pedagogy - St. Petersburg: Publishing House "Peter", 2011.

2.Vasilyeva E.K. The family and its functions. - M., 1975

.Druzhinin V.N. Family Psychology - M., 1996

.Kovalev S.V. Psychology modern family- M., 1999.

.Family as a social phenomenon, Voronezh, 1989

Family, M., 1993

.Family - 500 questions and answers, M., 1991

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Boy and girl in the family. Problems and approaches in education.

The subject of our today's conversation will be the specifics of raising girls and boys. What is the problem? Why is this subject, according to many psychologists, so relevant? Here are a few points that confirm this relevance.

Firstly, already at the age of 6-11 years, children are sexually homogenized, that is, self-determination in the system of sex-role standards and attitudes. Therefore, it would be naive to expect that a boy and a girl can equally accept and fulfill the rules of the game, as well as the school duties that are offered to them. At school and in the family, alas, the differences in the inner world of boys and girls are practically not taken into account.

Communication with them (and teaching) in the family and school is designed for a kind of sexless creature. But it is here that children receive not only knowledge, but also First of all, social skills. Many attitudes, including the relationship of the sexes, learned in childhood, remain for life.

A study of 300 couples who sought the help of a psychotherapist is described. It turned out that almost all men in childhood saw little attention in the family, almost everyone had a domineering and cold mother, constantly showering reproaches on an anxious and dependent father. Almost all 300 couples were characterized by a deviation in the pace of normal development, and especially at 11-13 years old - at the age of assimilation of male and female stereotypes of behavior. This process is held back, firstly, by a school oriented towards some average asexual type of person, and secondly, by the family, where they were afraid of everything that could arouse sexual desire.

As a result, the boys acquired certain feminine traits: sensitivity, vulnerability, an idyllic perception of the relationship between a man and a woman. In girls, on the contrary, a masculine character was formed: independence of judgment, determination, orientation towards professional activity. Such a distorted upbringing, prohibitions on everything, the inability to discuss burning issues with a loved one, an older, more experienced one, only drove problems inside, not resolving them in any way.

As the second reason, emphasizing the appeal to the problem stated today, I want to name the dominance of "women's education". On the one hand, there is the irresistible influence of women who surround the child from the cradle (mother, grandmother, always more active than grandfather; female doctor, nurse, kindergarten teacher, teacher). On the other hand, the lack of prestige of this, literally imposed, albeit involuntarily, female standard behavior, especially for the stronger sex.

So, we have posed the problem, and now we will determine the degree of our awareness of it. For this, dear parents, you will need pens and a small piece of paper. I will read the questions, and you will answer, i.e. “YES” if you agree with the statement, “NO” if you disagree. Now I will offer answers to these questions of psychologist A. Ivanov. Comparing the answers, evaluate the level of your knowledge of information and experience on the problem.

Test for parents "Boys and girls"

№ p.p.

question

answer

Are girls more obedient than boys?

1. In early childhood, girls are indeed more obedient.

Are girls better in nature?

2. So far, nothing has been established that would give reason to assert that girls, by their nature, are more inclined to take care of sick and weak animals and plants. Unless at the age of 6 - 9 years.

Are boys better able to assess difficult situations and think more logically?

3. It's not tech. Girls can decide challenging tasks(problems) are no worse than boys.

Do boys have a greater desire to excel?

4. Until the age of 10 - 12, girls develop faster (and therefore sometimes they strive to stand out, to distinguish themselves from their peers). But later, girls are more focused, they think more about the future than boys.

Are boys more gifted for math?

Girls and boys are equally gifted, it all depends on how we orientate them, although it is believed that boys perform better in mathematics. But when we get rid of this prejudice, we will not notice much difference.

Are girls more sensitive to the atmosphere in which they live, harder than which they live, are they more difficult to endure pain and suffering?

6. On the contrary, boys are more easily influenced by the environment and therefore experience separation from their parents more strongly. Boys are more sensitive to pain and suffering. They only pretend outwardly that they are not hurt, because from the very beginning they are taught that a man should not cry.

Are girls better at expressing their thoughts?

7. Until the age of 10-13, the difference is insignificant, then in most cases girls verbally and in writing express their thoughts more clearly than boys.

Do boys have better visual memory, girls better auditory?

8. Research has shown that boys and girls have the same ability throughout their lives. If there is a difference, it is only individual.

Are boys better oriented in space?

9. Before the onset of puberty, there is no difference, after that the boys are better oriented in space. Over the years, the difference has increased.

Are boys more aggressive?

10. Boys become aggressive at a very early age, at two or three years old, when their personality begins to form.

Girls are less active

11. The difference in activity between boys and girls has not been established. Only in childhood do boys show it more noisily.

and obviously (in fights, for example). At the same time, the girls are not so noisy, but no less purposeful.

Girls are more sociable, they prefer a big company, and not narrow circle friends?

12. On the contrary, girls prefer one or no more than two friends, and not a large company. That is why it is the boys who gather in larger groups. This situation persists, and when they grow up, therefore, boys are more inclined to collective games.

Are girls more affectionate?

13. Up to a certain age, there is no difference between boys and girls, and boys at a certain period require affectionate treatment.

Girls are easier to fall under the influence of others?

14. On the contrary, boys tend to rather take "on faith" the opinion of the company, in their upbringing this must certainly be borne in mind. Girls usually stick to their opinion.

Are boys more adventurous?

15. In this capacity, up to a certain age, there is no difference between boys and girls. Later, girls become smarter and more active. And during puberty, they are inferior in this to young men. Perhaps deliberately.

Are girls more cowardly?

16. Girls are not as cowardly in reality as many people think. In fact, they can be stronger and more determined than boys, it is easier to overcome fear.

Are girls more likely to suffer from an inferiority complex?

17. No more boys. Girls are better “armed” in relation to difficult everyday situations, they are able to adapt faster. In most cases, they are more independent.

Are girls less likely to compete with each other?

18. No one has an advantage in this respect. Everything depends on the individual. Both boys and girls can compete and “measure their strength” with each other.

Is it more important for boys to declare themselves, to demonstrate their abilities?

19. No. Boys are easier to submit to strong personalities and peer groups, girls are more likely to stand their ground. They are more confident.

Boys are more prone to creative work while girls are better at monotonous work?

20. There is no difference between boys and girls in this. Some have more creativity, some less, gender doesn't matter.

From a comparison of the answers, it became clear that we still have a lot to learn before building family education in a pedagogically sound manner, taking into account the characteristics of girls and boys. Now let's look at these features.

A girl... A high mission is predetermined by the very nature of a girl - to become a mother in the future. From early childhood, this is reflected in the peculiarities of her behavior, the specifics of interests, and the choice of games. She cradles the dolls, prepares food for them, arranges a cozy home. If there are younger children in the family, he instructs them, takes care of them, takes care of them. Girls are more obedient, more diligent, more accurate than boys. They adapt more easily to circumstances. They strive to make a favorable impression on adults, willingly turn to them for help, like to complain.

Girls are dutiful, but they have less exploratory interest in life than boys. They, as a rule, will not break a toy to find out its device. Girls are more suggestible and trusting, it is easier for them to arouse compassion, to gain confidence in them, to deceive. Their thinking is more concrete: in order to convince or convince someone of the correctness of this or that position, they try to apply it to the concreteness of everyday life, while boys tend to prove their case by substantiating the logic of their thought. Girls are noticeably inferior to boys in abstract-logical thinking, but surpass them in figurative, artistic perception of the world.

In the elementary grades, girls often perform better than boys, but this superiority is often short-lived: in high school, boys begin to overtake many of them. Lagging behind are those girls who, due to their obedience, readiness to imitate, form mainly performing activity, and not creative. Therefore, parents, together with teachers, should pay more attention to the development of girls' creative thinking. Girls are receptive, therefore they pay dearly for the bad habits of their mothers: the same quarrelsome daughters grow up in a grumpy mother, and this often destroys their personal happiness in the future.

When raising girls, it is important to consider that their physiological maturation occurs earlier than boys. Girls are especially in dire need of sympathy, empathy. They have, on average, half as many close friends of the same sex as boys. If young men in communication are oriented mainly towards their peers, then most of the girls are oriented towards older male representatives.

Communication between parents and daughter requires special tact, understanding, and respect. Due to increased emotionality, girls are vulnerable, touchy. It is important to cherish and cherish modesty, gentleness, respect for a man in a future woman.

Now it's the boys' turn.

How often teachers and parents complain about the indiscipline of the representatives of this restless tribe, with what readiness they write off their mistakes, failures, unfulfilled hopes as unbearable boyish character. Between topics not so much the boys are to blame for the fact that adults experience difficulties in their upbringing, but the adults themselves, ignoring everything that nature laid in the child, having created the boy . "There is no abstractteenager, - emphasized V.A. Sukhomlpnsky, - there is a specifichuman person - male or female. Hence,roparents need to know the features of developmentchild,relatedwith his gender.

What is the specificity of raising a boy? The greatest concern of parents is usually caused by restless and disorganized boys, their frequent violation of the established order, not always a responsible attitude to learning (it is known that 80% of poor students are boys), scattered and unstable interests. Boys are characterized by sudden mood swings and sharp fluctuations in self-esteem - from excessive self-confidence to self-abasement.

It should be remembered that all of the above is not so much a manifestation of bad manners or malice, but an external expression, firstly, of the processes that occur in his body and psyche, and secondly, the need to realize his "I" in accordance with those accepted among peers norms, a code of boyish honor. J. Korchak noted in this regard: “The boyit seems that he did not fit,ashamed to be calm, prudencenym,well-bred."

It is more difficult for a boy to be clean, he loves outdoor games. Boys have more bruises and bumps, cut fingers, abrasions on their knees, because they do more crafts and are more meticulous.

Boys are especially difficult during adolescence. From parents at this age, great patience, attentive and tactful attitude towards the child is required. It is advisable to create in the process of education such situations in which the child could prove himself as a representative of the “strong” sex, teaching him to take on a big load, responsibility for the weak. “There are three things that need to be approved in boys and young men,” wrote V.A. Sukhomlinsky - the duty of a man, the responsibility of a man, the dignity of a man. To affirm the consciousness of duty, responsibility and dignity means to educate good son, loving, caring father and husband.

Today I have a "bank of parental difficulties" and we will try to resolve them. So, let's begin.

Question 1. What features of the physiologists of girls and boys should be taken into account in family education?

Answer: In addition to the features that have already been noted, I want to emphasize that according to some reports, girls are born 3 to 4 weeks more mature, and by puberty these differences reach about two years. Girls are more sensitive to noise, they have higher skin sensitivity, that is, they are more irritated by bodily discomfort. Boys have better musculature, they strive for moving scars. Girls reach the age of heart maturation by 4-5 grades, and boys - only by 6.

Question 2. many parents upsets the irresponsibility and "laxity" of his sons. Is it the cost of education or something else?

Answer: Boys are slower and more difficult to develop such qualities as responsibility, conscientiousness, diligence. Even with the right upbringing, it is on average more difficult to develop these character components in males. Be patient.

Question 3. many moms upset because of the behavior of their sons: they are called to school, neighbors complain. At the same time, he doesn’t seem to do anything terrible, he’s just very mobile, disorganized. Will he grow into a bully?

Answer: In the behavior of boys there is more looseness, mobility, restlessness. This is manifested in the frequent violation of discipline in the classroom, in more noisy behavior in the classroom. It is much more difficult for boys to keep their workplace in order, and, coming from the street, neatly fold their clothes and put their shoes on. They almost don’t care what they are wearing, however, a strong protest on their part can be caused by a situation where the peculiarity of the clothes offered to them somehow affects their ideas about how a boy (as opposed to a girl) should dress - and this needs treat with understanding.

I advise parents to take into account the sexual role of their child and the characteristics of sexual behavior (on the board - a table compiled according to the method of Professor N.E. Shurkova:

Man

Woman

gender role

Characteristics of sexual behavior

"Strong"

1, Protects the weak.

2. Helps the weak.

3. Does hard work.

"Weak"

1. Shows concern for the defender.

2. Asks for help, accepts it.

3. Performs delicate work.

"Leader"

1, take responsibility.

2. Is a strategist.

3. Has special powers

"Slave"

1. Assigns responsibility.

2. Is a tactician.

3. Confers authority.

"Admirer"

1 . Service readiness.

2. Rendering signs of attention.

3. Generosity.

"Honored"

1. Keeping a great shape.

2. Recognition of the merits of the admirer.

3. Worthy accepts signs of attention.

Question 4. What parents need to consider when helping their child learn and evaluate the results of his educational work?

Answer: I propose to turn to a comparative table that reflects the differences between boys and girls in educational work. Now I will voice them, and you, dear parents, should rely on this knowledge in the practice of family education.

boys

girls

1, The left hemispheres are more developed - rational thinking.

1. The right hemispheres are more developed - a manifestation of emotion.

2. Performs tasks better in

alone.

2. Works best in a gender-mixed group.

3. Requires a long discharge.

3. More diligent, executive.

4. Fatigue at the end of work is higher than among girls.

5. Successfully perform "male" tasks.

5. Successfully perform "female" tasks.

6. Interest in the task increases with material rewards for success.

6. Everyone sees, in the image.

7. The degree of influence and assistance of a teacher is lower than that of a girl.

7. The degree of influence of the teacher and his help is high.

8. Information is processed more slowly than girls, but more consistently.

8. Information is processed faster, but less logically.

9. Boys, first of all, see the meaning, immediately move on to action.

9, Meaning read worse, it takes time.

10. They don’t perceive repetitions well, so encourage the boy ..

10. They like a lot of repetitions, so repeat to the girls.

11. Praise seems meaningless. It is important for boys what is evaluated in their activities.

11. Praise is the driving force. It is very important for girls to “be good” in the eyes of adults; they practically do not care what is evaluated in their activities.

12. Fewer than girls deviate from the rules.

12. In the course of work, games may make changes.

13. It is very difficult to adapt to unusual activities, therefore, in a non-standard way!! situations tend to dig out of adult control.

13. Easier to adapt to changing conditions, accept the strategy imposed by adults, and to a certain extent, better or worse cope with the task.

14. When answering a question, boys usually look out the window or in the other direction.

14. Almost always, when answering, they look at the teacher and catch the slightest shades of facial expressions, confirming the correctness of the departure or indicating its fallacy, they can instantly correct the answer.

15. Boys can do tasks, but also live the game at the same time.

15. For girls, the main thing is to establish contact with an adult, that is, to complete the task correctly.

16. In a situation of activity, they briefly, but vividly and selectively react to an emotional factor. Quickly relieve emotional stress, switching to productive activities.

16. In a situation of activity that evokes emotions, brain activity sharply increases. All structures of the brain are in a state of excitation.

17. When assessing “poorly listened”, the auditory parts of the brain are activated, therefore it is necessary to say “poorly performed” so that the boys relive those fragments of the activity that are being assessed.

17. Girls should not be immediately told that they did the tasks poorly or incorrectly, since a violent reaction will not allow them to rationally realize what exactly they are wrong about.

Psychological differences boys and girls are clearly expressed as the causes of academic failure. As Yu. K. Babansky notes, among the reasons for the failure of girls in all classes, a large percentage is occupied by poor health (that is a network, a good reason), while boys more often have such reasons as gaps in the skills of educational work, a negative attitude towards learning, low level of education.

In conclusion, I would like to offer some tips for practical use in family education.

Tips for parents on raising a girl and a boy

1. Be careful with punishment! It is desirable that the boy be punished not by his mother, but by his father. The girl is the opposite. This rule must be followed in order to form a good attitude towards the opposite sex in children.

2. The boy can't hold for long emotional stress he is not adapted to it. Therefore, in case of presentation of claims to him, limit the length of the notation, but make it more capacious in meaning. Explain to your son very briefly and very specifically what you are unhappy with.

3. Girls' games are more often based on near vision, they often play in a limited space. Boys' games rely on distant vision, so boys need more space for full mental development. If there is not enough space in the horizontal plane, they master the vertical one: they climb the stairs, climb the cabinets. Consider this need of boys.

4. In the upbringing of a boy, the participation of a man is very important. If there is no dad, significant men (grandfather, uncle, etc.) should take his place.

5. Boys (whether in the classroom or in learning activities at home) cannot achieve optimal performance levels as quickly as girls. Parents need to take this feature into account and not try to force learning activity, this will cause overt or covert aggression. Be patient!

6. If the family has a believing father, then the children will become believers in 80% of cases, and if the mother, then only 3%. The influence of the father on the child is stronger. Remember this!

7. If a father wants his children to grow up happy, he should never: humiliate the mother's feminine dignity, remember her mistakes and sins in the past, emphasize her mental or physical shortcomings, focus on her economic dependence.

8. Maternal and paternal influence on children is different. “Maternal means: I accept (love) you for what you are. Paternal means: "I accept you for what you are."

The task of the family is to educate not only consumers, contemplators of beauty, but also active participants in its creation in all possible areas and spheres. Parents as educators will not succeed if they do not know the characteristics of their child. After all, every person, no matter how old he is, is a specific, unique personality. Therefore, a father and mother cannot be satisfied with the ordinary idea of their son or daughter.

For the purpose of education, a constant and in-depth study of the child is required, a special identification of his interests, requests, hobbies, inclinations and abilities, advantages and disadvantages, positive qualities and negative features. Only then will the father and mother get the opportunity to purposefully and reasonably, and therefore, fruitfully influence the formation of the personality of a growing person, focusing on its positive aspects and developing them, and on the other hand, persistently overcoming negative traits.

In studying the child, parents will be helped by easy conversations on issues of interest, observing his behavior, both at home and on the street, in public places, at school - in communication with comrades, during work, rest. What the child reads, how he spends his free time, with whom he makes friends, what games he plays - parents should know the answers to these and similar questions.

Teachers will answer some questions. But the assessment of strangers can be biased, incorrect. Trust is the main line of behavior of the father and mother. It is very important that the child, the children also trust them.

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"Features of the upbringing of boys and girls"

The main tasks of education.

Like any organized process, family education provides for a certain purposefulness, the presence of specific tasks. Since in our society the interests of the state and parents in relation to the upbringing of the younger generation most often coincide, the goal and objectives of public and family education are also basically identical. Consequently, the main goal of raising children in the family is the all-round development of the personality, which combines spiritual wealth, moral purity and physical perfection.

Physical development.

In family education important place takes care of the health of the child, his physical training, hardening, the development of strength, dexterity, speed, endurance. healthy, physically developed person is able to more successfully engage in mental and physical labor, he usually has a good, cheerful mood, and he, as a rule, is friendly to others, ready to help, perceives beauty more sharply and himself strives to do everything beautifully.

In the interests of physical education, parents should teach children from early childhood to regularly do morning physical exercises, involve them in various outdoor games, sports activities, and engage in affordable tourism together. It is important, on the advice of a doctor, to accustom a child to hardening, to teach him to take care of his health himself, avoiding bad habits (smoking, drinking alcohol, toxic drugs, etc.). And in all this, the main thing is the example of parents. If the father smokes, but forbids the son to smoke, it is unlikely that something good will come of it. The boy, while small, will smoke secretly, and then - and without fear.

Mental development.

A necessary component of the upbringing of children in the family is mental development. The first appeals of the mother to the still dumb baby are already laying the foundations for mental education. Further teaching of speech, storytelling, reading books, stimulating and encouraging children's curiosity, answering the child's questions, appropriate explanations, etc. - all this is in the interests of developing thinking, memory, attention, imagination, and serves as an important task of preparing for schooling .

Lesson productivity.

When a child becomes a schoolboy, the duty of the parents is to create the proper conditions for his productive studies, to tactfully help in case of difficulties. And here the steady development of curiosity and inquisitiveness, independence of thinking, orientation towards continuous education, accustoming to reading fiction and periodicals are of particular importance.

A positive role in this regard is played by the encouragement of children to study in subject and other circles at school or out-of-school institutions, taking into account their interests, inclinations and state of health. Parents should pay much attention to the moral upbringing of children, since in everyday life various problems constantly and inevitably arise related to behavior and relationships between people.

Moral education.

It is in the family that children mainly comprehend the ABC of morality, learn what is good and what is bad, learn to show goodwill to people, to provide all possible assistance. As the child grows older, the moral requirements for him significantly increase and deepen.

Moral education in the family involves the formation of love for the native land, one's Fatherland, humanity, a sense of camaraderie, honesty, justice, and responsibility. And here, not only and not so much special conversations and explanations play a big role, but the organization of the entire life of the child in accordance with the principles of universal morality, the daily practice of proper behavior.

Labor education.

An extremely responsible place in the system of family education belongs to labor education children. From an early age, children, as a rule, to the best of their ability, strive to participate in household chores, help adults, imitate various types of labor in their games. An important task of parents is not to discourage children from working, to encourage them in this regard, to provide all kinds of assistance.

Accessible forms of self-service, participation in household chores, equipping a child with a variety of labor skills and abilities, explaining to him the role of labor in the life of a person and society, familiarizing him with professions, encouraging participation in socially useful work - all this is very essential for preparing a conscientious worker who is capable in the future provide yourself and your family with everything you need and benefit society.

aesthetic education.

Among the specific directions of the comprehensive development of the child's personality in a family, aesthetic education plays an important role. Closely connected with other aspects of education, it helps to familiarize children with beauty, teaches them to perceive and appreciate beauty in life, nature, art, teaches them to create according to the laws of beauty.

For these purposes, parents should use drawing, modeling, listening to music, songs together, teaching the child to play musical instruments, visiting theaters, museums, exhibitions, excursions to their native places and much more.

Family task.

Education and gender differences in children.

When raising children, parents should take into account their gender characteristics. After all, boys and girls differ not only in appearance: male or female nature manifests itself long before puberty and leaves its definite imprint on their feelings, consciousness and behavior. At the same time, we should not forget that the representatives of the male and female sexes are, first of all, united by universal human qualities that are characteristic of both.

Sexual features are mainly distinguished only by some accent within the characteristics of a person in general. To be aware of this and keep in mind the psychological characteristics of a person due to her gender means having the opportunity to rely on everything positive, take into account possible negative manifestations and, therefore, more effectively carry out family education. Some significant differences between boys and girls are found already in the first months of their lives. So, for example, girls develop somewhat faster than boys both physically and psychologically, they start talking about 2-4 months earlier. On average, by the age of three, both boys and girls, with the help of their parents and others, already know about their gender, distinguish the sex of other children and adults. As the child grows, sexual psychological characteristics gradually increase. They are manifested in the level of emotional reactions, in specific interests and inclinations, in the nature of thinking, in relation to specific facts, etc.

Psychological features of the girl.

In girls, already at an early age, the "instinct of motherhood" is manifested, expressed in interest in other babies, in games, in a caring attitude towards dolls. Their attention is attracted, first of all, by a person, his relationship with other people. The older they get, the stronger their interest in the inner world of a person, his experiences, behavior increases.

Girls are also characterized by a predominant interest in what directly surrounds them (furniture, utensils, clothing, etc.).

The increased emotionality of the female representatives is often the reason for their lack of objectivity. The susceptibility of the female psyche is higher than that of the male, girls are more touchy, proud, they react more sharply to both encouragement and censure.

In girls, involuntary attention is more developed, they are more attracted to concrete visualization. They are easier to suggest; quickly adapt to a new environment, feel more confident in unusual conditions.

The range of their cognitive interests is less diverse than that of boys. Of the school subjects, they more often prefer literature, history, and foreign languages. More than boys, they love to read, are fond of poetry, and play music. It is usually easier for teachers to work with girls, and this is partly why it is they who, as a rule, predominate in the student's asset, they are the elders.

A brief description of the psychological characteristics of girls allows us to draw some conclusions and formulate recommendations on how to bring them up in a family, taking into account these characteristics, and what is the role of father and mother in this.

The appearance of a child in the family, first of all, requires the creation of normal living conditions for his life and development, the proper environment. Taking care of the health of the baby, it is important for parents from the first weeks to remember the need to stimulate his emotional and intellectual development. Regular friendly communication, conversations with young children, caresses, both mother and father, lullabies, the use of available toys - all this serves the interests of such development.

An example of a mother for a daughter.

The main educator of children in the family, as a rule, is the mother. She gives life to the child, feeds him, maternal feelings are decisive in her attitude towards her baby. Naturally, children also respond to their mother in an appropriate way; between them - especially at an early age of the child - closer relations are usually established than between children and the father. This circumstance is of significant importance, which should be taken into account and used in order to educate both girls and boys. The closeness of the relationship favors the educational influence of the mother on the child, and therefore it is very important that the mother be a real model for her daughter in everything.

The natural susceptibility of girls, their involuntary attention, subconscious interest in everything visual, concrete help them to automatically assimilate what they see, hear, feel when communicating with their mother. And if the mother, keeping this in mind, in her behavior, lifestyle, appearance, tries to serve as a worthy example for her daughter, starting from the first weeks, the success of his influence will be largely guaranteed.

This also applies to attitudes towards people, things, work and the nature of the manifestation of emotions, and manner of speaking, and much more. A daughter, first of all, adopts external forms of behavior from her mother, and many internal features that determine the appearance and character of a woman. So, if a mother has femininity, it is thanks to her that this quality becomes a property of her daughter.

The role of the mother is indispensable in teaching the girl to family affairs and cares, to work in the household. In addition to her personal example, appropriate toys (dolls, toy furniture, dishes) and games help here, as well as stories, conversations, demonstrations, and involvement in all possible participation in economic work. The appearance of a younger child in the family provides rich opportunities for the upbringing and development of many typically feminine traits in a girl, which are manifested in caring for babies and the weak, in caring for them, in affection and tenderness.

The role of a father in raising a daughter.

Taking into account the attachment inherent in girls to the house, to what directly surrounds them, the father should pay special attention to educating curiosity, strive to expand the horizons of his daughter, to acquaint her with what goes beyond what she already knows. This is helped by reading fairy tales, learning poetry, looking at and coloring pictures, drawing, listening to music, communicating with nature, watching children's TV shows. Of great benefit are joint walks and excursions, accompanied by the necessary explanations, as well as contacts with peers.

It is important to orient girls in advance to good, kind relations with boys at school, to emphasize the need for friendly joint activities, games, and mutual assistance. The presence of a brother in the family, of course, greatly facilitates the solution of this problem.

When the daughter is a schoolgirl.

Getting a child to school is a big event for him and his parents. Having become a schoolgirl, the girl is actively involved in the system of social relations, which usually appeals to most of them. She assumes quite specific responsibilities - to study conscientiously, at the same time gaining certain rights as a member of the school team.

With the advent of a schoolgirl in the family, a teacher can become a true ally and a qualified assistant to parents. Therefore, the primary concern of parents is to establish business contacts with him and jointly solve the urgent problems of education.

Realizing that for a novice schoolgirl, learning is not only a new occupation, but also a serious work, a difficult and responsible task, parents should pay daily attention to her studies, be interested in her successes, delve into difficulties, and, if necessary, provide assistance with explanations and advice, additional exercises. There are useful didactic and other games, visual aids, both purchased and made with the child.

Along with substantive assistance to a schoolgirl in learning, it is still important to broaden her horizons, develop independence, and encourage cognitive activity using conversations, reading together, excursions, etc.

Based on everything positive in the character of their daughter, the father and mother should strive to carry out her comprehensive development, improve the most important personal qualities, while simultaneously identifying negative traits and overcoming them. For this purpose, explanations and accustoming are used - the girl is told and shown how to act in this or that case, and then, if necessary, is reminded of this. The increased suggestibility of girls favors the effective impact of such methods.

It is advisable to apply encouragement if the child deserves them by good behavior, success in learning, good deeds. It can be praise, permission to entertain, a welcome gift. In necessary cases, punishments are also possible: reprimand, deprivation of pleasure. Taking into account the sensibility and resentment of girls, the application of punishments in relation to them requires special tact and caution. Of course, any physical punishment that degrades the dignity of both the one who is subjected to such punishment and the one who punishes is completely excluded. Without solving problems, they interfere with normal upbringing, as they cause fear in the child, the desire to hide their misdeed, lead to alienation, and sometimes their consequences can be serious physical or mental injuries.

The first lessons of adulthood.

In adolescence, the upbringing of girls becomes noticeably more complicated. Pretending to be adults, they prefer to have their own opinion on many issues, which does not always coincide with the opinion of their elders, and make high demands on others. The range of their interests is expanding, their activity is increasing, the desire to have a wider circle of contacts, both with peers and with older people, is aggravated.

Since many schoolgirls prefer humanitarian subjects, for the purpose of comprehensive development, it makes sense for parents to draw their attention to the natural sciences, to reveal the importance of such subjects as mathematics, physics, chemistry, to improve thinking, improve general culture.

At the same time, given their interest in the inner world of a person, it is important to assist them in this regard through casual conversations on relevant topics, discussions of works of art, and recommendations of available literature on psychology. Teenage girls willingly read popular books on moral issues, specific issues of relationships between people, between the sexes, culture of behavior, which has a positive impact on their moral and general development.

Adolescence of a schoolchild is associated with the problem of choosing his future profession. Together with the school, father and mother should pay special attention to this problem, on the one hand, revealing the inclinations and abilities of the daughter, and on the other hand, introducing them to various fields of activity, specialties, and professions. In principle, very many, almost all existing professions are available to female representatives, but there are many of those that best suit female nature, correspond to their physical and psychological characteristics. For example: a teacher, a teacher, a doctor, a nurse, a typist, a dressmaker, a saleswoman, a hairdresser, a cook, a milkmaid, etc.

When choosing a profession, along with the personal interests of a girl, her state of health, family traditions and other circumstances that must be taken into account are important. In any case, we must not forget that the right and justified choice of vocation, life path is a very important prerequisite for human happiness, material and moral well-being.

In middle and senior school age, the task of preparing a daughter for family life becomes especially urgent. Creating a family, raising and raising children is the natural duty of every healthy person. At school, high school students are taught a special course - "Ethics and Psychology of Family Life", designed to prepare future family men. But parents can't stay away either.

In the process of family education, it is necessary to gradually, gradually, but steadily, when the opportunity arises, inspire the girl, and then the girl, with the idea that she will eventually have her own family, children. Such a psychological attitude is essential, it helps to form a positive attitude towards the family, stimulates purposeful preparation for future family life.

Of course, it must be borne in mind that a lot is determined by the example of the parental family. If a girl sees from day to day how well and amicably her father and mother live, help each other in everything, what a warm and benevolent atmosphere constantly reigns in the house, how much easier it is to overcome any difficulties through joint efforts, she will naturally get the impression that that it is the family that creates all the conditions for happiness, that everyone really needs it.

Features of the upbringing of the boy.

The family upbringing of boys, having much in common with the upbringing of girls, nevertheless has its own specific features, which are directly determined by the physical and psychological characteristics of the male representatives.

In practice, however, these features different reasons and circumstances both in the family and at school are often not taken into account. But such a practice, of course, does not at all serve the interests of increasing the effectiveness of the efforts of educators in shaping the personality of future men. Therefore, parents who are really and seriously interested in the proper upbringing of their sons, it is advisable to know and take into account their sexual characteristics.

Sexual characteristics of boys.

Males have greater physical strength compared to women, but are inferior to them in endurance. Boys are more mobile, relaxed, less patient and disciplined, diligence and diligence are less characteristic of them.

Boys are usually interested in a wide variety of issues and problems, sometimes far beyond the surrounding reality (distant countries, mysterious phenomena, extraordinary incidents, etc.). They prefer the exact sciences, are fond of technology, physical education and sports, love outdoor games, many are willing to do physical labor, and are more prone to transformative activities.

At the same time, they are quite often less willing to engage in self-service, often show helplessness in simple everyday affairs, they often experience all sorts of injuries.

Due to the gender characteristics of boys, raising them is somewhat more difficult. Their performance in school is lower compared to that of girls, they are less self-critical; in middle school age, as a result of omissions in education, “difficult” adolescents more often appear among them, who are characterized by bad habits (smoking, drinking alcohol, substance abuse, foul language, etc.), as well as offenses (hooliganism, theft).

Under the influence of the bad example of adults, some boys develop a false sense of superiority over girls, which negatively affects their relationships, as well as later married life.

Father and mother are an example for a son.

Like any child in general, a boy for his normal development wide and meaningful communication is needed, both with mother and father, the good influence of both parents. Although the mother is always closer to all her children, for the boy the father is close by gender, and this largely determines the nature of their relationship, the boy's susceptibility to paternal influence.

The father serves for the son, as a rule, as a model of the representative of the stronger sex. First of all, on the example of the father, the boy learns what should be a real man. A father needs to instill masculinity in his son, a chivalrous attitude towards a woman, pass on the experience of male labor in the household, the desire to take on the most difficult household chores.

A mother in the eyes of a boy should embody all the best that is generally characteristic of a woman. With her sincere and selfless love, she evokes reciprocal feelings in her son, stimulates his emotional development. The attitude towards the mother enables the boy, to a certain extent, to learn the nature of relationships with females in general, teaches him to take care of people, to needed help surrounding.

When raising a son, both father and mother, it is important to remember the tasks of the comprehensive development of his personality, from early childhood to teach him to have correct, kind and respectful relations with girls.

Given the physical and psychological characteristics of boys, attention should be paid to ensuring that the son, while maintaining his inherent desire to be physically active, at the same time gets used to order, accuracy, organization, and masters the skills of disciplined behavior.

In this sense, the participation of the child in various games and household chores is of great positive importance. Responding to children's interests, developing physically and mentally, they teach discipline, communicate with peers, and also contribute to the manifestation of activity, independence, initiative, organizational skills, and useful skills.

It is important to teach boys to self-care. Each boy - a teenager - a young man, in accordance with his age capabilities, should be able to serve himself and provide all possible assistance to those who need it. At the same time, of course, it would be wrong to single out for them only "male" affairs and occupations: a real man should be, as they say, a jack of all trades.

success in this case provided not so much by verbal appeals and notations, but by the personal example of parents, father, inclusion of the son in the feasible everyday working life families.

As a rule, parents have more trouble with schoolboys and teenagers, often they have to be forced to study. Children cannot foresee the consequences of their actions, their unwillingness to graduate from school, college, university. Father and mother, relying on their life experience, should show the importance of education, its growing role in connection with scientific and technological progress, help develop a son's responsible attitude to learning, understanding the need for continuous education.

Difficulties of adolescence.

A crucial stage in the upbringing of boys is adolescence. It is no coincidence that this age is called difficult: it is so for teenagers themselves, as well as for parents and teachers. This difficulty is due to many reasons, and in particular to the fact that students of secondary school age, going through a transitional period, are in a state where they are no longer children, but not yet adults.

Such an “intermediate” position of adolescents causes natural contradictions between their claims and real possibilities, which sometimes leads to actions that are inexplicable at first glance, to a sharp change in mood and other behavioral patterns. Therefore, father and mother especially need to be patient, not to push their son away, not to dare him away from home, not to respond with harshness to harshness, to reasonably combine exactingness and respect in relationships with him.

The increased physical and mental capabilities of secondary school students, on the one hand, remove a certain amount of worries from parents, but on the other hand, significantly increase their responsibility for the proper implementation of these opportunities. In order for the growing energy of adolescents to be directed to the good, it is necessary to create conditions for useful and attractive practical activities for them.

How to distract a teenager from bad influence?

Parents' concern is often caused by facts when teenagers get into bad companies, start smoking, drinking alcohol, and doing other unseemly things. It must be emphasized that most often this is the result of omissions from previous years of education. But here new friends of a teenager from the “street” can also have a negative influence. Therefore, parents should be interested in who their son spends his free time with, what they do, and tactfully direct the choice of friends, stimulate their useful pastime.

In addition to school activities, the boy has a wide choice of various types of extracurricular and extracurricular activities - in subject, technical, artistic and other circles, sports clubs, creative activities at home.

It is important by all means to help teenagers read fiction and popular science literature, various newspapers and magazines. Interesting and useful activities will not leave time for idleness, will contribute to the overall development, revitalize the student, and help him determine his vocation.

The achievement of these and other educational goals is served by the participation of adolescents in student self-government, in the work of youth and youth organizations. Parents who are interested in this not only encourage such participation, but also provide real assistance with their advice, suggestions, and concrete help, which, among other things, certainly increases their authority in the eyes of adolescents.

The search for the ideal.

As well as for girls, in adolescence, for boys, the problem of choosing a future profession becomes relevant. Parents, of course, are very interested in her optimal solution. In this case, general conversations are useful - about the role of labor in a person's life, about the need for a conscientious attitude to any work, about the importance of taking into account individual inclinations and abilities, stories about people of different professions, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of a particular specialty. There is a direct reason for father and mother to talk about their own work, its difficulties and joys, perhaps, to show their jobs, products, etc. Life shows that the most favorable result happens when the important issue of choosing a son’s life path is resolved in a coordinated manner and in any case, not against his will.

With the expansion of horizons, the acquisition life experience adolescents begin to search for an ideal that they would like to imitate, which stimulates them to self-education.

This is extremely important for the formation of personality: the object of education itself is connected to the efforts of educators, significantly increasing its effectiveness. However, this is possible if parents keep this process in view, tactfully help the teenager in choosing the ideal, gently introducing worthy people from surrounding life, history, literature. Revealing their high moral qualities, if they practically contribute to the personal efforts of the pupil in developing the desired character traits.

It must be admitted that the mission of parent-educators is very difficult. They need to constantly learn, be on the alert so as not to make a mistake in relations with their son. And he grows up, and, naturally, his peers and older friends influence him. However, parents also have many options. educational impact. Among the methods of family education of adolescents, the most effective is the method of persuasion. You can convince by talking, advising, explaining by example. At the same time, in necessary cases, the use of firm requirements, as well as rewards and punishments, is also acceptable.

Young man in the family.

Students of senior school age require a new approach compared to adolescents. IN adolescence many personality traits, character traits are basically already formed, and the task of parents is to contribute to their improvement, proper adjustment, and overcoming existing shortcomings. The main direction of the educational efforts of the father and mother is the preparation of a worthy citizen, a conscientious worker, a good family man, a reliable defender of the Motherland.

For normal relationships between parents and high school students, creating favorable conditions that ensure the effectiveness of influencing them, first of all, it is necessary to clearly set the elders to the fact that they are dealing with people who are equal members of the family team. This means that all or almost all issues of family life also concern high school students, that they can and should take part in their discussion and implementation, that parents should listen to the opinion of young people and reckon with this opinion. Such a position of parents, impressing young men, helps to maintain and develop on a new basis trusting relationships that contribute to the further education of young men.

The success of the educational influence of father and mother on a young man is possible only with constant communication. It presupposes not only special conversations, but mainly joint work and rest, collective discussion of vital family problems, news sharing, mutual assistance and much more.

It is important that the relationship of parents to their son be built on the basis of trust, mutual understanding, which usually causes reciprocal trust, a reciprocal feeling. The personal example of parents and other senior family members is important. Their behavior, actions, statements, assessments of people and events have a more convincing effect on young people than any instructions and notations, as if they automatically act as a model for imitation.

Do not spare time for casual conversations, discuss topical issues - children should know the thoughts, views of their father and mother. Give advice unobtrusively. This is essentially the same teaching, but it is not instilled, but is offered on the basis of equality.

One should also name such a form of education as a request. If parental requests take into account the real possibilities of the son, are formulated properly and are not too frequent, then the young man, as a rule, willingly responds and fulfills them, tries to justify the hopes placed on him.

The effective upbringing of senior school-age students in the family is an important, responsible and very difficult task. It requires a creative approach, the ability to quickly navigate, take into account the real situation, show initiative, resourcefulness, and ingenuity. But the most important thing is that parents should not expect that everything will work out by itself, they need a firm attitude towards the purposeful upbringing of their son or daughter, awareness of the high responsibility for preparing the young shift. And therefore, it is important to constantly replenish your pedagogical knowledge, use the positive experience of other parents, maintain cooperation with the school, teachers, listen to special lectures, and read literature designed for parents.

In a word, if you want your children to achieve success in life, to reveal themselves as individuals, specialists, work tirelessly, as they say. It will more than pay off for you, and for them, and for society.

“Family breakdown today is an acute problem in our society, which is why psychologists and educators pay so much attention to children who are brought up in single-parent families. And there is every reason to believe that the very specific conditions of a child’s life without a father, since a child is brought up in modern Russian society, mainly by the mother, will be reflected in the characteristics of his personal development ".

Speaking about such an event as a divorce, it is worth saying that it is a tragedy for a child, if the family breaks up when the child is between the ages of 3 and 12, the consequences are felt especially sharply. The psychological development of the child in the event of a divorce proceeds according to the following plan: even before the divorce, the child in the family is relegated to the background, when the parents are busy with their quarrels, the child perceives the departure of the father as a rejection of him, this feeling persists long years, then the child experiences a lack of attention from the mother, because she is forced to earn money, when meeting with her father (if any), the child falls into error, the reason for the divorce is not clear to him. If the father is alienated and cold, then the child has a question why he should see him, so a guilt complex arises. If the parents take revenge on each other, the child's psyche is undermined even more. Also, taking advantage of the split in the family, the child can push the parents against each other, force them to pamper themselves, in which case his intrigues and aggressiveness will also turn into problems in the future. With the departure of the father, the child does not see as clearly what role a man plays in the house, which leaves its mark on the development of his personality. For a girl, this problem is fraught with an incorrectly developed attitude towards the male sex. The child also has to observe the experiences and sufferings of the mother, as this stage it is more difficult for her to cope with maternal responsibilities.

Thus, we see that after the divorce of the parents, the mental health of the child is greatly undermined, his personal development is aggravated by a number of problems.

But not only the divorce of parents has a detrimental effect on the development of the personality of the child, the absence of a father, as such, also significantly affects the formation of the personality of boys and girls. Starting with the post-natal depression experienced by the mother, which is a stressful situation for the baby, the father is called upon to protect the family, provide more favorable conditions for the future mother and child, otherwise, from the very birth of the baby, the likelihood of distorting the mental development of the child increases.

Speaking about the characteristics of children brought up in single-parent families, it is worth mentioning that many authors note that children who do not maintain contact with their father are characterized by indiscipline and a reduced sense of responsibility, the same opinion is shared by Yu.V. Borisenko and A.G. Portnova, in their studies they note that fathers help children learn moral standards, help develop the volitional qualities of the individual, establish certain limits of behavior, approving some actions and punishing others, they also attach more importance to the independence and independence of children, therefore, in children deprived of fatherly care, these qualities are formed worse.

E.P. Ilyin says that children whose fathers take an active part in raising a child have the ability to empathize, they have more a high self-evaluation, they are more stable in their emotional manifestations than children brought up in an incomplete family or children experiencing a lack of paternal attention. P. Popova, exploring the characteristics of children growing up without a father, notes that they are less successful in solving conflict situations, cognitive tasks, poorly differentiate gender roles, and, as a result, have problems with gender-role identification. Children are forced to "finish" the family in their imagination, which in itself indicates certain anomalies in gender-role development, since the child does not have a proper model.

In the studies of T.V. Andreeva says that boys deprived of sufficient communication with their father either adopt a "female" type of behavior, or create a distorted idea of male behavior as antagonistically opposite to female. It is also noted that boys who grew up without fathers are less mature and purposeful, they rarely feel safe, they are less proactive and balanced, which indicates that it will be difficult for them to fulfill their fatherly duties.

Girls brought up in families without fathers have poorly formed ideas about masculinity, in adulthood it will be more difficult for them to understand their husbands and sons, they will more often experience difficulties in playing the role of wife, mother than girls brought up in families where there is a father ( involved in education). The love of a father for his daughter is very important for the development of her self-awareness, self-confidence, the formation of her image of femininity.

It is worth mentioning that, along with parents (parent), ancestral family members take part in the upbringing of children, especially preschoolers, in this case, the process of gender-role identification of children from single-parent families may be more favorable. In the studies of T.A. Repina says that children raised by their grandparents have the ability to empathize, benevolence, lack of aggressiveness, but the child is less persistent, has less organizational skills, and is less independent.

So, we see that the participation of grandparents in the upbringing of children has a favorable effect, first of all, on the emotional state of children. But, as we see, according to the studies of T.A. Repina, this fact does not contribute to the development of masculine qualities in boys.

Thus, we can say that the presence of a father in the family, his participation in the upbringing of the child is an essential condition for the formation of harmonious developed personality.

Conclusions for chapter 1

1. Having studied gender-role identification as a problem of psychological and pedagogical research, we can say that:

Gender-role identification is the process and result of the acquisition by the child of the psychological and behavioral characteristics of a person of a certain gender; identification by him with a person of a certain gender and the acquisition of psychological traits and behavioral characteristics of a person of the same or opposite sex, including typical role-playing behavior.

at 1.5 years old, the child knows whether he is a boy or a girl;

at 3-4 years old, the child knows not only what gender he is, but also knows how to determine the gender of the people around him;

At the age of 6-7, the concept of gender is formed in the child as an irreversible property. It is at this age that the rapid process of sexual differentiation, attitudes and values begins, the subject of which is the child himself, and not his parents.

From a number of proposed theories of the formation of sex roles, we are closer to the theory of identification, which goes back to the views of Z. Freud, which says that a child unconsciously identifies with the image of an adult person of his gender, most often a father or mother, and then copies his behavior.

The process of sex-role identification of boys is complicated by a number of problems associated with the predominantly female upbringing of a child, in this case, gender-role identification of boys is built "on the contrary" (he does not know how a real man behaves, but he knows for sure that he should not manifest himself as girl) can therefore be unstable.

For girls, the process of gender-role identification is less conflicting and more time-consuming than that for boys.

2. Speaking about the family as a factor influencing gender-role identification, we can say that:

Many scientists have identified Various types and family functions, we got acquainted with the variety of proposed classifications, we take the classification of E.A. Lichko, in which the structural composition of the family is clearly distinguished:

Complete family (there is a mother and father);

Incomplete family (there is only mother or father);

Distorted or deformed family (having a stepfather instead of a father or a stepmother instead of a mother).

The image of a parent of the opposite sex is very important when choosing a future partner (the choice is made either on the basis of similarity or oppositeness).

The family is a fundamental factor in the formation of sex-role attitudes.

The emotional closeness of a child with a parent of the same gender has a positive effect on the gender-role identification of the child, that is, the psychological contact between the child and the parent determines the success of the process of gender-role identification.

Favorable emotional atmosphere in the family contributes to the identification of the child with the parent of the same sex.

The parenting style chosen by the parents has an impact on personality development, for example, a boy raised by a dominant mother in the family, who demonstrates masculine qualities, may grow up "effeminate", because. manifestations of independence and perseverance, characteristic of the male sex, are suppressed by such a mother.

3. - Studying the features of raising boys and girls in an incomplete family, we found out that:

the absence or alienation of the father has an adverse effect on the development of the child's personality and on the formation of gender-role identification.

boys deprived of sufficient communication with their father either adopt a "female" type of behavior, or create a distorted idea of male behavior as antagonistically opposite to female. It is also noted that boys who grew up without fathers are less mature and purposeful, they rarely feel safe, they are less initiative and balanced.

Children raised in families without a father rarely have the capacity for empathy.

Children who are raised by their grandparents are more capable of empathy, less aggressive, but this fact does not contribute to the development of masculine qualities in boys to the right extent.

We bring to your attention a selection of useful articles on raising boys, these articles describe how to build communication and relationships with a boy in order to raise him as a real man.

In Vedic times, boys and girls were brought up separately and taught completely different sciences. Girls were taught women's sciences: sewing, cooking, dancing, singing, studying the properties of flowers, plants, aromas, studying the laws of the ancient science of Vastu - how to create a harmonious space at home so that it contributes to spiritual growth, financial well-being and maintaining warm family relationships. Boys were taught to be strong, taught to defend their homeland and family, take responsibility, set a goal and achieve it...

And it is right. Every child knew his duties from childhood, he knew that the family is sacred, that it is created once and for all. Girls understood the power of Chastity, so they took care of themselves for their future husband, just as boys observed salibat (sexual abstinence and asceticism), which allowed them to curb sexual energy and direct it in a creative direction, achieving great results in their activities.

Now we have a mixed upbringing, girls are taught masculine sciences, they are taught to set goals and achieve them, they are taught to be professional managers, responsible workers, but they are not taught to be Women, they are not taught how to create and maintain a family, how to inspire a husband, how to give birth and raise healthy and smart children, how to accept what her husband gives her and be grateful.

In women and men absolutely different nature, different psyches, our bodies and the movement of energy in the body is different. Where a woman is strong, a man is weak, and where a man is strong, a woman is weak. So Nature ordered, the Creator, so that we can harmoniously complement each other. So that by creating a union, we can return to the original Unity and feel the Absolute Divine nature, which includes the male and female hypostasis of the one God. We can touch Eternity only TOGETHER…

We suggest watching the following videos:

Oleg Gadetsky reveals the secrets of raising strong, responsible boys and beautiful, caring, sensitive girls in a family.

The principle of raising boys. Ruslan Narushevich reports.

FEATURES OF EDUCATION OF BOYS.

Everyone knows that boys are constantly jumping, running, climbing, jerking their legs, waving their arms, spinning and spinning and occupying all the available space in the vertical and horizontal plane. Take it easy - it's okay. Boys need space. But how to properly educate this fidget? What are these boys made of?

In the development and upbringing of boys, the main thing is not to rush. Boys are "later and slower" than girls. Girls, as a rule, start doing everything earlier than boys, they study better, “grasp the material”. But, in adolescence, there is a change of position. The boys not only catch up with the girls, but also begin to get ahead of them. And that means everything has its time.

How to talk to a boy?

Formulate your instructions correctly. You tell your son: “Put away the toys” - no reaction, the toys still remain in place, the baby is busy with his own business.

You say again: "Put away the toys" - and again no reaction. Are you familiar with such a situation? So how should you talk to a boy?

Remember that boys take words and expressions literally. If you ask a boy “what are your socks doing here?”, he will not understand this as an instruction to quickly remove them, but will simply think about what the socks are doing here and may even give you a logical answer - “they lie to themselves.” This very clearly characterizes the way of thinking of boys. Boys understand direct instructions much better than just vague hints.

Just tell him "Put your socks in the closet" - and the issue will be resolved immediately.

Accuracy and brevity and presentation.

Nature arranged it so that the boys emotionally perceive information only for the first couple of minutes, and then their brain turns off from talking. Most likely, this is a special protection against information-unnecessary overload, which every day women provide for the entire strong half of humanity.

It is important for you to understand: if you did not give out all the necessary information in the first couple of minutes of the conversation, consider that further conversations are useless. You can read morals for at least 3 hours, but your son has not heard you for a long time!

Judge the actions, not the son.

The boy's assessment of his actions is important - how and what he did, and not labels on his forehead - what a clumsy and dumbass he is. When you evaluate his actions, he again scrolls through them in the brain and "can correct the shortcomings." Tell him specifically what he did right and what he didn't.

Raise the future man.

It is very important for boys to feel strong, courageous, to be defenders. Give them this opportunity, be at least a little weak next to your own, even a small man.

The son plays shooting games - play along with him, let him protect you from an imaginary enemy. If he wants to help you carry groceries from the supermarket, give him his allowable share. Be sure to appreciate the help.

And, of course, be sure to love your boy!

PARENTS OF BOYS NOTE.

Usually parents teach their sons that "girls should not be offended." Then it is necessary to teach girls that "boys should not be refused." For symmetry. The destructive potential of both phrases is the same.

But jokes aside! You have to be completely blind not to notice the obvious degeneration of men in our society. And only 3 phrases are needed for this process to continue to mow down our ranks in the next generations.

My friend and I are sitting in a cafe and after talking about business we started talking about children, we have boys.

I realized a long time ago that it is difficult to raise a real man when a guy does not see examples of male behavior.

What do you consider an example of male behavior?

Well, I tell him that girls should not be offended ...

Can boys? And the dogs? And the old ladies? Do you understand that with such phrases you guarantee your son problems in adulthood?

We didn’t have a holivar on this topic, but we talked in the old fashioned way, and not in LiveJournal. In addition, my friend is quite adequate to listen to a man on such an important issue as raising a man.

By the way, I noticed long ago that women, describing the ideal man in a vacuum, give a certain list of formulations. But, if you complicate the experiment and shift the focus of attention to her son, the wording changes. Let's put it this way: from consumer to universal. For example, the word "free" appears.

So, I believe that there are 3 phrases that, if repeated regularly, will make a problem man out of a boy, if not a weak-willed rag.

1. You can not offend girls.

In its purest form, the phrase puts the boy in a subordinate position, and gives the girls an indulgence for lifelong manipulation. After all, girls hear these settings, they know about their existence, and, of course, they use them. From the moment the girl realized this weak male place, it is enough for her to portray resentment at any moment in order to make the boy feel guilty. Women's grievances are thus unpredictable for men, but not because we are thick-skinned, but they are mysterious. Not at all. Majority women's grievances arise not when we really hurt, but when the girl needs it. That's all the unpredictability.

Boys hide their grievances, and girls show them. It's just that boys are not taught to take advantage of insults. Women's tears are like a nuclear bomb, everyone knows that. We did nothing wrong and did nothing wrong; or did, but did not intend; or they were up to good, but they didn’t guess, and then - BAM! - We are already bad, so we need to improve. The tears will dry very quickly, but the ring will remain.

And all this is simply because the attitude “you can’t offend girls” is too general and vague to really serve the upbringing and formation of conscious life values. A man cannot learn to act in his own interests if he looks around: does he offend any woman with his actions within a radius of 50 meters? Some will always offend, infa 146 percent.

Any man will find in his history cases when he acted to the detriment of his interests, so as not to offend a certain woman. Is it called "freedom"? If we can’t even predict what exactly she might be offended by. One cannot be held responsible for the feelings of others. "Resentment" - from this series.

Let me explain: it is necessary to say specifically what “offend” means. For example, “you can’t beat girls if they don’t beat you,” and the meaning of the verb “offend” is concretized, and not transferred to the entire hypothetical set of actions. Or “one should not deliberately point out flaws that a person cannot correct.” It's for older kids, yes. And by the way, have you noticed that these rules do not apply only to girls? So they are correct.

And then the guy will grow up with a normal adequate reaction to obvious manipulations through guilt: “If you want to suffer, that's your choice. Something does not suit you - let's discuss it. At least there will be a presumption of innocence in the showdown, and not like that you are guilty only because her eyes are wet.

Well, purely for symmetry. Have you ever heard parents strictly say this to a girl: “you can’t hurt boys”? Hardly. So you can! Normal society?

2. Girls need to give in.

In the same cafe with this friend of mine, during our conversation, we observed such a scene together. We see a couple with children. Dad says so authoritatively: “Go wash your hands!”. A boy of 6 years old and a girl of 8 years old race to the bathroom. In front of the door, the girl, to the envy of the whole NHL, boards the boy with her hip, and the boy flies further. Then he returns to the door, there is a fuss inside, both return to the table.

Mother, father! And he pushes! Girls have to give up!

Yes, girls need to give in! What are you doing!

The guy has tears in his eyes: he suffered from a more physically developed sister, and he is still to blame. And you can’t admit that he is weaker, and you can’t cry, because “not like a man.” The children in this scene are just children, and the whole strategy for their future life is laid down by their parents in such situations. Parents, like robots, muttered the memorized phrase, without delving into the situation.

Here a boy grew up, confident that "girls should give in." What exactly to give up - a place in a trolleybus or a profitable project at work? And everything: both. And here he is such a gentleman, he gives in to the girls, he comes home, and what does he hear there? That he is a fool and a loser. Is he to blame? He's so in the head loving parents laid. And to tell him that he is a sucker and a loser is not an insult? Resentment, but you can offend boys.

It may seem that I exaggerate. No, I don't shrink. These are basic values, they act without looking back at our consciousness: what is literally laid down by parents in childhood will explode when the time comes. It then, sometimes, is corrected, sometimes, over the years, if you're lucky, for some. But before it returns to normal, years will pass, and then the pendulum will swing in the opposite direction. And the girls will get it.

Girls love gentlemen. But the age of gentlemen coincided with the age of ladies, and ladies were not involved in business and did not compete with men.

True gentlemanship is the result of free conscious choice rather than a hardened habit. Besides, if you now send boys with gentlemanly attitudes into the world of predators of both sexes, then life will be beautiful, but short. Gentlemen die first. Although, in general, why not give the lady a seat on the subway? The main thing is not to extend this rule to all spheres of life indiscriminately. It is quite possible to love and respect a certain number of women, while not trying to constantly yield to them in vital matters.

3. Well done, obedient boy.

It seems obvious to me that a person reproduces the behavior that is encouraged. Do you encourage beauty? Get beauty. Encourage intelligence - get intelligence. Do you encourage obedience? Get obedience. Do you encourage independence? Get independence. However, just an obedient man in the household will come in handy. Yeah, especially if you have a naughty lover, a free and strong man in mind.

Why do good girls like bullies? Freedom, independence, willingness to establish and defend their own rules, fortitude. Well, or something like that. Correct me if I'm wrong.

And what do obedient boys do? They live with their mothers, for example. Because 1) mom will be offended if he leaves to live separately. And mother is the main woman in life, and girls cannot be offended. 2) Mom really asks, but "girls must give in." 3) How not to obey your mother?

Such men, despised by women, actually have a high goal and a very difficult situation, this is without irony. Everyone has their own difficulties and their own way of overcoming. You think that such a man is an asshole, but you are great? What is your personal merit in the fact that you and that man have different parents, and they raised you differently?

I have been living independently since the age of 17, but I understand that this is, first of all, not mine, but the merit of my mother, who told me all my childhood: “think with your head”. I don't remember being praised for my obedience.

What do I want to say in general?

The flourishing misogyny is, in my opinion, the pendulum swinging back after the worship of women. This is the result of once presented by parents special requirements to the boys. They grew up and realized that the world is different, that they fulfilled their part of the contract, but did not receive a reward. And most importantly: like there is no one to blame. You can't blame your parents. Yes, and there is nothing to blame the parents for - they did as best they could. And all the women are accused en masse. This is stupid and unconstructive, like any extreme. But children pay for the mistakes of their parents.

Of course, I cannot make a complete list of what not to say to boys. But as it is. Can such phrases bring up a responsible free male personality capable of making decisions? Hardly. And if a man does not make a decision, a woman will take it, and it is not at all in his interests.

It so happened that within a short time I heard these 3 phrases. They are probably the most common, and in such a vague sense, they are definitely harmful to the psyche of future men. Although many women are comfortable. Unless it's your son.

HOW TO EDUCATE A MAN - 7 rules.

Women often complain: why are there no real men around! The answer is simple: each milestone the formation of a boy, women take the most active role in this, instilling in him a female model of behavior from childhood! How can a man behave like a man if only women's programs are invested in him. He subconsciously struggles with them all the time, but he can’t do anything with himself, showing doubts, uncertainty, irresponsibility ...

Paradox, but birth in male body does not guarantee the presence of male qualities! For a boy to become a man, you need to try! And men must take part in his upbringing!

And these 7 rules can help you understand at least something in raising a boy:

The father should take care of the upbringing of the boy. Moreover, since birth. His birth, not from the birth of his son.

Because family upbringing is not moralizing. The boy copies the pattern of his father's behavior, not his words.

QUESTION TO MOMMS - do you want your son to become the same as your husband?

Watch the video of Anton Romanov "Overage undergrowth". Boys should be raised by men! We do not have a system for educating men. Kindergartens, schools, other educational institutions - almost everywhere women teach. The boys grow up, but not everyone becomes real men, able to defend their family and country.

A man must be strong. What does it mean? Be able to make decisions and take responsibility for those decisions.

QUESTION TO PARENTS - Does your son learn to make decisions independently and be responsible for them? Does he do martial arts?

Making decisions and being responsible are two sides of the same coin. Freedom on the one hand. Restriction of freedom - on the other.

EXAMPLE: A man makes decisions, but his woman is responsible for them. This is not a man, but a sissy. Man.

A man does not make decisions, but is responsible for them. This is not a man. And the henpecked. Man.

Fourth.

Freedom begins with self-restraint.

There is such an oriental saying “Camels are the first to drink water, because they have no hands. Men drink second, because they have no patience. Women are the last to drink.

EDUCATION SCHEME (FOR DAD!!):

“The best is for mom. Because she is a girl. Then the cat - because he is helpless and dependent on us. And then you and me. Because we are men."

At what age does a baby become a man?

From the moment you realize yourself as a person. Psychologists know this age. Three years. Yes, moms. Three years.

It is from this age that it is necessary to constantly inspire the son - "You are a man!".

In Rus', at the age of 3, a special ceremony of Mounting on a Horse was performed, during which the condition of a victorious man anchored in his son!

A man must: Be able to endure. Learn to overcome yourself. Learn to be wrong. Know how to be gentle. Know how to be rude. Learn to be different. Know how to take responsibility for your words. A man must be able to BE.

The child must be treated like an adult. This does not mean that you should not play with him, do not forgive his mistakes, do not undead him, do not smile at him.

A child can make mistakes. He explores the world around him, explores its boundaries. Do you know why men look like children? Because men are also pushing the boundaries of this world. The man must be worried. He is the driving force of mankind. And a woman is a preserving force, if anything.

You can't punish a boy for mistakes. They need to be corrected. To him. Himself. On one's own. But with your hint and help.

HOW TO GROW OUT OF YOUR SON THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY. 30 TIPS FOR EDUCATION OF SONS.

Let's try to generalize and at least somehow systematize what needs to be done (and what not to do) in order to raise a real man, a responsible father of the family from an early age.

1. Do everything so that your son has a full-fledged father. If a woman does not succeed in living together with a man, but he is not burdened with serious moral vices and bad habits, to fully promote intensive contacts between the son and his father and his relatives.

3. In every possible way to encourage communication with true men of honor, truly self-respecting.

4. Talk to your son like an adult, respectfully, based on the understanding that you are a full-fledged person, only who has lived a little.

5. Do not dismiss questions annoyingly, take them seriously and answer them as thoroughly as possible. To proceed from the fact that boys do not have naive or premature questions, there are incompetent, unintelligible, arrogant answers.

6. Listen carefully to your son, but do not encourage excessive talkativeness.

7. Don't lisp. Don't overprotect your son.

8. Entrust as many self-service operations as possible every year, and then for the benefit of the family

9. Do not stop a business initiative, even if it threatens with some damage (for example, a broken cup).

10. Do not drive the boy away from men involved in some business (father, grandfather, older brother, etc.), on the contrary, if possible, involve him in simple operations in the household and in working with technology.

11. Keep a balance between praise and criticism.

12. Do not groan at the sight of your son (grandson) scratches, abrasions, bruises and other minor injuries, do not scold for them, but calmly treat the wound, saying something like “it will heal before the wedding.”

13. From the age of 4–5, to wean from rushing to seats in public transport, on the contrary, to give way to women and elderly passengers, including mother.

14. Even at preschool age, begin to introduce the son to the course of his affairs and problems, causing sympathy and empathy. Whether a good father will grow out of a guy can also be judged by what kind of son he is.

15. Every day from infancy - physical exercises with a gradual complication, first in the apartment, then, if possible, on the street. Exempt from physical education lessons at school only with a clear threat to health. Before school, learn to swim, ski, ride a two-wheeled bicycle, play volleyball or other ball game.

16. Fully encourage honesty: in the case of an honest confession of a committed misconduct, the punishment should be reduced to a minimum or to zero, accustoming to the thought: honesty is more profitable than deceit.

17. From an early age, cultivate efficiency, life according to a schedule; violation of the regime good reasons. Learn to calculate the time with a small margin in order to leave the house on time (a real man arrives at the right place on time and is not late).

18. To accustom to the rule: if you don’t give a word, be strong, but when you give it, hold on. Here, a personal example is especially important: all the promises given to the son must be strictly fulfilled.

19. Do not ridicule, do not insult, do not humiliate your son; never use epithets and replicas like “idiot”, “stupid”, “stupid”, “scum”, “puppy”, “still stupid”, “milk on the lips has not dried up”, etc. They have the ability to sink into memory for life.

20. At the same time, instill tolerance for people, their behavior, opinions, especially mistakes, blunders and shortcomings. Restrained, but firmly stop the mocking, arrogant, arrogant manifestation of attitude towards people. Indulgence is a very masculine quality.

21. From the age of 6–7, include in discussions of general family issues (arrangement of furniture in an apartment, the order of major purchases, organization summer holiday etc.).

22. As early as possible, begin to identify business and creative inclinations, but do not impose your choice of occupation by force; do not be afraid of switching from one occupation to another: many do not immediately find their calling.

23. Buy more various tools, simple mechanisms, fixtures, parts and materials for repair work and crafts, master all these tools and devices with your son.

24. Show an example of the ability to manage oneself: I do what I don’t want, but I need to; I do not do what I want, but it is harmful.

25. Do not reproach for petty reasons with the roof of your house, maintenance, food, clothing, etc. Such a conversation can take place only in exceptional cases, should be started in a serious tone without excessive emotions.

26. Facilitate active communication of the son with peers who have proven themselves on the positive side and have not compromised themselves in any way. Welcome visits of his friends to the house.

27. Encourage hiking trips, trips to sports and health camps, leave at home only with obvious signs of illness.

28. Welcome any opportunity to earn honestly, if it does not harm your studies.

29. Start teaching to take care of women from a young age (for mother, sister, etc.), for example, to serve slippers, choose gifts for women together with your son, encourage making gifts with your own hands, etc.

30. Do not put obstacles, do not dissuade the son in his desire to help someone, give something as a gift, help someone out, generally pay attention to some person, even if this requires something to give up, to sacrifice one's own. To help a person in difficult times, to lend a shoulder is one of the main male qualities.

Of course, this list of recommendations does not exhaust the program for turning a male baby into a real man. Even strict adherence to them will not guarantee that a true man will eventually grow up: a child is made human not only by the actions of his parents, but also by a host of other factors.

It is appropriate to put the question this way: have I done everything possible for the formation of a male character in my son?

A personal example, the own position of men of the older generation means a lot. The readiness to show real masculine qualities is also inherent in modern guys. You just need to think them through, push them to noble actions.

It is very important to understand that when a boy is in the family, a man is brought up. Therefore, if a mother is building a relationship with her son, then you need to understand that she is building a relationship with a man. What does it mean "I'm building a relationship with a man", despite the fact that he is 7 years old? And everything is the same. I just tell him, “Help me! I'm just weak, and I'm tired, and you are a man, you are strong. I need your help!". If a mother, she takes some kind of tough stance: “I said do it!”, This means that she destroys him male ego you know she feminine puts it above the male. Here's what's really going on. And there is, simply, a rag-a person who is not able to take responsibility for anyone. That is the principle.

Oleg Gadetsky. "Men and women"

Watch a video about raising children from the Here and Now series by Sergei Strizhak (issue 27). A very interesting video that describes the ancient traditions and principles of raising children from our Russian ancestors (Slavs).

Alexey Trekhlebov (Vedagor) about raising children.

IF YOU HAVE A SON…

1. Teach your son to put into words what he feels. The baby may scream in frustration, hide in embarrassment, bite in excitement, and cry in fear. Explain to him that these are emotions that dictate to the body how to behave. Show him other people who feel the same way but express their emotions differently. Discuss your own emotions with your child.

When he grows up one day, he will know the difference between anger and embarrassment, disappointment and grief, learn to cope with his emotions and express them competently, while not being embarrassed or feeling guilty.

2. Be your child's biggest fan. Most likely, you will embarrass your son more than once by starting to sing the songs of his school rock band at a family holiday or showing his childhood photos to girls, collecting the most stupid (in his opinion, of course) certificates, awards and achievements, writing in his blog about his problems at school and so on. Most likely, one day he will tell you: “Enough, mom, stop.” He will blush but know that there is at least one person who is ALWAYS rooting for him.

3. Teach your son to clean up after himself, cook, wash socks and iron shirts. He may never need it, but one day his wife will be grateful to you.

4. Read to him and with him. Children become readers on their parents' knees. The child must see that you are also reading. Tell him what you read. About your favorite books and characters. Explain to him why it is so important to read books. And read together, and then discuss what you read, think, fantasize, draw your favorite fairy tales - teach your child to be an active reader.

5. Encourage him to dance! Music, rhythm and dance are a universal language that everyone understands. And free possession of your body, required skill for harmonious development. Dance with your child, praise his awkward steps!

6. Make sure that he has examples of good people in front of him - smart, brave, strong, talented and honest. Tell him about great writers, travelers, explorers, scientists, artists, astronauts, photographers, artists, etc. About how they lived and what it took for them to achieve success. Not only about men, but also about women. And that inner beauty is often more important than outer beauty.

7. Be an example of such a person. You are already a superhero - it's true, don't doubt it for a second. But every day you prove to your little son that you are beautiful, smart and honest. You are his ideal woman, a sample to everyone else.

8. Teach your son good manners: saying thank you and please, shaking hands with women, offering help, giving up your seat, etc. This will make the world around you a little better.

9. Give him something to believe in. Your boy will often experience fear or anxiety, pain or grief, or simply need you when you are not around. Give him something to turn to when he feels alone so he knows he will never be alone. Never.

10. Teach him that sometimes you have to be very gentle - to small children, animals, flowers and other people's feelings.

11. Give him the opportunity to ruin the number of things that he will ruin anyway. If you get upset every time your boy comes home in dirty and torn clothes, you will enter into a hopeless fight. Do not waste your energy on being angry in the face of inevitability - boys learn the world by climbing trees and fences, jumping into puddles, spilling and falling. This is the order of things.

12. Get involved in his interests - learn all the intricacies of football and learn the names of the players of your favorite team, or rather the national team, learn all the songs of your favorite group or the names of various engines, understand the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin or learn how to draw pandas ... Be an active participant in his life, not by an outside observer.

13. Go outside together. Turn off the TV, turn off video games, put your phone on charge, and put your camera away. Just go outside and follow your child, look at him, explore his reactions, ask questions. It's like magic, try it.

14. Let him lose. As much as you would like, your child cannot always be a winner. You tell him, "You're a winner because you tried," but he doesn't think so at all and feels frustrated. And this is good, because sometimes life gives out such twists and turns, from which we are trying with all our might to protect our children. But this practice will come in handy later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again ...). Teach him that sometimes he wins and sometimes he loses. But that doesn't mean you have to give up.

15. Give him the opportunity to help others. There is a big difference between giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help. To give an opportunity is to kindle a fire in the heart, which one day will shine into a big fire and illuminate the whole world. Be an example yourself - help each other and help others.

16. Explain to him that practice helps to achieve perfection. This applies not only to sports or music, but to everything in life. Develop the right habits that will help a grown man cope with everything in life with ease.

17. Answer him when he asks: "Why?". Answer him or look for an answer together. Show him where to find the answer (ask your dad, grandma, grandpa, encyclopedia, or the internet). Ask him a counter question so that he himself starts to think. If ever, he will be too embarrassed to ask you about something - he will know where to look for the answer.

18. Let dad teach him the most important things. If you allow dad to be immersed in the process of raising a child from the very beginning, someday the son will form the correct opinion: his dad knows EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD. You will always be a beloved mother, but a father for a boy is a special person who knows the answers to all questions.

19. Give him something to release energy - drums, a punching bag, open space, water or a dog. Give him something so he can freak out and "go crazy" - or he will use something of yours, which you might regret later.

20. Always carry wet wipes, antibacterial gel and adhesive plaster.

21. Build him a fortress. Throw on the floor sofa cushions, move chairs close to each other, throw a couple of blankets over them, and your living room will turn into a cave of miracles. This is an important knowledge that every ordinary thing has an inner potential to become magical.

22. Take it with you anywhere and everywhere: to work, to meet friends, to travel. Each new place opens his heart, makes him think and leaves memories.

23. Kiss and hug him! Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are very loving and gentle. They can be harsh, wild and destructive force throughout the day, but there are times when they are very kind, gentle and sensitive. Therefore, kiss and hug your child when he is 2 months old or 16 years old, and especially when he is naughty and naughty. Do not be afraid to grow a sissy out of him - boys really need love! And make sure he knows that a mom can kiss her son, no matter how big he is or where they are.

24. Be a HOME for him. When a baby learns to walk, it only takes a few steps away from you and then comes back. Then a little further, and again runs towards you... When he learns to draw, he will wait for your proud smile. When he learns to read, he will read the same book aloud 20 times, because his mother will listen to him enthusiastically and 20 and 50 times. When he plays football, he will look for your face in the stands. When he gets sick, he will call you. When he really messes something up, he'll call you. Even when he becomes an adult and strong, he can cry on your shoulder, not embarrassed by his feelings. Even when he grows up completely and a new woman and a new house appear in his life, you will still be his mother. Something constant and unchanging, like the sun. The most important thing that your son should know is that he is always in your heart, and everything else, as they say, will follow.

HOW TO TEACH CHILDREN TO RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS?

The most valuable gift that parents can give to their children is to give them the opportunity to take responsibility for their own actions.

For example, a child one day decides to skip school because he "just doesn't feel like going there." He asks his mother to write a note to the teacher that he is ill.

The child makes a decision, not wanting to be responsible for the consequences. In this case, the mother should write a note with the following content: “My son does not want to go to school today” and tell her child: “You decided not to go to school today - I will not lie for you. If you don't want to go to school, that's your decision, but be prepared to face the consequences."

A smaller child may try to test his wings in another way: for example, in cold weather, he will want to walk without a jacket. His mother, knowing that it is cold outside, advises him to dress warmly. The child refuses. There is no need to continue to put pressure on the child, especially since this usually does not lead to anything.

If she tells him that he "wants to catch a cold," then most likely the child will actually catch a cold. But if the mother recognizes that the child is responsible for his own decisions, then she should tell him: "If you feel that you are cold, come back home and put on a jacket."

When a child is responsible for his own decisions, he will feel completely different. He will not catch a cold, because he is not programmed for it - he does not think about a cold. But as soon as he realizes that it's colder outside than he thought, he will just go into the house and put on a jacket. Independent decision-making is one of our basic natural properties, and children constantly defend their right to do so. If parents make daily decisions instead of him, the child tends to act contrary to their instructions and requests, no matter what he is told.

WHAT SHOULD YOU NOT TELL CHILDREN?

These well-known phrases seem harmless. They have become almost stamps of the national tradition of education. And if adults knew how much resentment and fear they bring to little ones ...

MISTAKE 1. PUGAL PREDICTIONS

What adults say… “Don’t rush about – you will break your neck”; “If you eat poorly, anyone will beat you”; "Don't make faces - you'll stay that way forever."

“Only the second part of the construction sticks in the child’s memory: “you will fall”, “beat”, “you will stay forever,” says child psychologist Oksana Lysikova. “Therefore, the little one soon concludes that life is a very dangerous event, where troubles lie in wait at every step.” Soon, a mother may find that her perky baby has "unexpectedly" become timid and incurious.

Work on mistakes.

Do not intimidate, but try to interest the desired behavior. For example: “If you eat well, you will be strong and you can ride a bike fast”; “If you sleep during the day, you will gain strength, you can walk for a long time in the zoo.”

MISTAKE 2. DISVALUATION

What adults say… “Don’t touch, now you’ll break it again!”; "Let me do it myself!"