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Jealous guy to the child from his first marriage. The child from the first marriage is jealous of the new parent

Hello! I am 26 years old, my husband will soon be 35 years old. We have been together for almost 4 years, we have a daughter (2 years old), we love each other very much, we understand that we have a great family, which I value very much. Daughter just loves dad and he loves her very much. But sometimes I am overwhelmed by terrible jealousy, up to hatred for my husband (severe attacks happen somewhere once in the weather) for no particular reason. common cause that my husband had a first marriage, he got married early, he has two children (12 years old boy, 7 years old girl) from his first marriage, he visits them in a week, he is there for 3 hours and he needs to stay late , even for a minute, everything gradually starts to boil inside me, I understand perfectly well that you can’t leave the children on an alarm clock, that this is simply not physically possible, the children love him very much and he loves them too. It begins to seem to me that he loves them more than ours. common daughter. I understand this is all nonsense. He gives no reason to think so. He does everything for us, he denies himself everything, he loves all children equally, and he also wants many children in common with me .... I understand, but I can’t do anything with myself and I break down on him! I leave in a few minutes, but what is said is said. Every time, I hurt him, and every time I reproach myself for it. Because there was no reason. He says that he is even afraid to stutter about children, afraid of my reaction. I definitely want him to interact with children. I even want to get to know them myself, but he says that I'm not ready, that I constantly take offense at him after a trip to the children. Help, for God's sake, to solve this problem. I no longer have the strength to torment a loved one and bring myself to insanity. I'm also jealous of him ex-wife, although again there is no reason. But jealous, not for the present, but for the past. Although he says that there was never love between them, they lived by joint agreement (maybe he is cunning). At the beginning of our acquaintance, I asked a lot about her and now I am reaping the benefits ... Although there was nothing happy or unusual in the stories, every time I imagine a scene with her from his past life, fantasizing, of course, and just dying of grief. I asked her what was her favorite position in sex, and now I can’t have sex in this position myself. I'm talking nonsense!!! But I can't... It always seems to me that he loved her more than he loves me now. Although he says that I am his only love in his life. And I seem to believe him, but sometimes I go off the rails again .... I offend him, I suffer a lot later. Although, after all, I myself had 10 men before him, I thought I loved one, but when I met my husband, I realized that he was the only one! And now I'm acting so obscene! I hate for no reason dear person in the world. I really leave very quickly, in a matter of minutes, and always, absolutely always ask him for forgiveness and help. He tries to help me, but then all over again. A year and a half ago, he accidentally called me by his name. ex-wife. For me it was the end of the world. He apologized, even cried, I forgave. She forgave, but did not forget, and yesterday she remembered it again ... Why???? I ask myself "Why???" .... True, there is a positive trend, jealousy gradually fades away over time, but very, very slowly. I will be immensely grateful for the help! I'm afraid to destroy my family! This is the most valuable thing I have in life.

Hello Christina! It means that not everything is going so smoothly, and although you are blown away every six months, but the rest of the time you accumulate it in yourself! and after that, when the cup overflows, you are freed from it! But what are you not sure about - in him or is everything like that in yourself? especially if he does not give reasons, then you yourself can find them and find them in yourself - associating yourself with his ex-wife and getting pain from this and tormenting him with constant jealousy, suspicions - although in this situation both of you could help! How? try to open up to each other - and not try to hurt him with your own words (so that he feels what it's like for you), while moving him away from yourself and driving yourself more and more into this pit of despair! Try to have an open dialogue with your husband (and not accumulate everything in yourself) - speak from yourself, from the level of your feelings and emotions (it hurts, I feel uncomfortable, I feel disarmed, annoyed .....) - so that the messages are from you (but NOT reproaches and resentment), and also think about what you would like to receive from him (how would you like him to behave, what would he do for you from which it would be easier for you to overcome this path of feeling like a second !) - and also formulate your expectations from him ("it was easier for me and perhaps I began to feel less jealous of your children and your wife if you introduced us to them, otherwise I feel that you are hiding me, you are afraid that I will behave inappropriately and annoyed, but it is precisely with refusals that I feel even more jealous and remain in this circle") - and it would really be easier for you if you really saw his children and even his wife - otherwise you feel insecure (put questions to yourself: why doesn’t he introduce you? and naturally twist yourself to all sorts of possible conclusions) and you really get a vicious circle! And besides: voicing your emotions and formulating expectations! it is important to learn and reflect the partner’s feelings (“it’s possible that you feel cornered by my jealousy and don’t understand what I expect from you and maybe it would be easier for you if you heard it” - i.e. learn to reflect the state of your partner - this will only help him see that you understand him and shorten the distance between you!) And in order to somehow help yourself to pour out your feelings, start a diary of feelings and describe there what is happening to you (date, time, situation, what you felt what you did, result/consequences) - this will help you analyze what is happening in your life (and if you do it together with your husband, it will only help you get to know each other even better! ) Christina, if you have any questions - feel free to contact me - call - I will be only too happy to help you!

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Christina, if you like to rot yourself - continue. "Jealous, not for the present, but for the past"? Without the past, there is no present or future. The past (both yours and your husband's) must be respected. But it turns out that the husband has to create "versions" about past life, squirm like a snake in a frying pan, get nervous visiting the first family, expecting a spoiled evening with accusations, let alone intimate part life, excuse me, in general to say - do not respect yourself. What are you doing. Jealousy ... "I myself had 10 men before him" (and at 22 there are such a number, even if you start counting from 16 ....) - imagine if he starts making claims to you? And ask about poses and about places ... Usually we see others in what we ourselves are not "white and fluffy."

The first wife and older children are very important and it is important to accept it (not with the mind, but with the soul). Without this, there would not have been your meeting with him.

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Hello Christina! Still, the root of your jealousy is not in relation to the husband to the children, but to his ex-wife. You feel that there are some feelings left. But it cannot be otherwise. The first feelings are very strong, they forever leave a mark on a person's life. Of course, he is disingenuous when he says that there was no love. You still feel it, probably because you yourself had an experience. Probably, some feelings also remained, maybe you had more strong feelings to one of the men. All this was, and I want to forget it, and delete it from my life forever. It seems to you that you have crossed out, but he has not ... In fact, nothing needs to be crossed out. Gradually, the old will be more and more rethought. The past is very valuable and sometimes we don’t even understand why it is valuable. Understanding comes gradually, during life. Your jealousy bothers you. Think about her. Try to make friends with her and accept her as your companion. The one that does not allow you to become stagnant in a habit that makes your heart beat and cherish your loved one, fight and worry about him. If you make friends with her, then she will no longer interfere with you. You will understand that she is trying to help you.

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Hello Christina.

Of course, jealousy, especially strong, can significantly worsen the relationship of the spouses. And you are right that you want to solve the problem. For me, the root of the solution is where you can understand what you are missing in your relationship with your husband, as well as understand what role you yourself play in not getting this (i.e., for example, not reporting your needs). By researching these questions, you can significantly reduce the outbreak of your jealousy. If this is important to you, I will be happy to help.

You can also email me: [email protected]

Sincerely,

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With the birth of a child, the life of young parents changes radically. The arrival of a newborn is associated with joy and happiness. But not everyone keeps the family idyll, due to frequent conflicts. Quarrels are usually provoked by a change in the usual order in the family, established before the baby was born. Scandals between dad and mom create an uncomfortable atmosphere in the house and negatively affect the baby.

The birth of a child: to strengthen the family or to collapse?

Future parents are waiting for the baby for 9 months, supporting each other. In their thoughts, they do not connect the appearance of the firstborn with the occurrence of quarrels. But, as soon as mothers cross the threshold of the house with a small miracle, returning from the hospital, the baby becomes the cause of scandals, instead of tenaciously tying the family together. The life of spouses with replenishment in the family changes significantly. Moms are subject to a different charter based on feeding the baby, changing diapers, bathing, laying down, and so on.

A heavy burden rests on the shoulders of the guardian of the family hearth. Women need to have time to take care of a child, a husband, a house and not forget about themselves. But many forget about relatives and loved ones, expecting help from them and not wanting to understand that they also need support. In such situations, tension arises in the family. Long-term strained relationships are a source of unreasonable claims of husbands to their wives and ignoring requests for help. Recrimination and reproaches lead to breaks, rather than to the restoration of harmony in the family.

For many women, the birth of a baby is rewarded with postpartum depression. After returning from the hospital, as if after accomplishing a feat, they believe that everyone should fully pay attention to them. The baby becomes the center of the universe, around which women in labor revolve around the clock. They are nervous and vulnerable. Everyone knows about female depression, but fathers also feel a kind of stress with the advent of a child. During pregnancy and before it, women devote themselves entirely to their husband. But the caress and care that they have provided to their loved ones for a long time are reduced to a minimum with the birth of a baby, devoting more time to the baby. Husbands feel useless and, realizing that their wife is no longer in the first place, they begin to be jealous of to an infant beloved. Young mothers associate the irritation of a loved one with banal egoism, not assuming that the husband suffers from a lack of attention.

The root of male jealousy for a newborn

Self-sufficient men are less prone to jealousy. They are more self-confident, they rarely have a feeling of fear of loneliness and lack of demand in the family. In the thoughts of any young dad, such thoughts arise and gradually disappear without a trace. A feeling of jealousy for their own children takes root in men with high self-esteem. And with the passage various circumstances it is aggravated and becomes a painful topic for many couples.

Causes of jealousy of men for children

Encounter with something new and unknown. Women have a chance to get acquainted with the future baby before he is born. He makes himself felt inside, kicking mom or rolling over. Men do not see and do not feel the child, for them he remains incognito until birth. After the appearance of the crumbs, for the first time hearing his cry or picking up, women have a maternal instinct. Moms are eager to take care of him, feed him, cuddle him, carry him in their arms. They can spend hours admiring the little ones. Men initially do not have blind love even for the desired son, they are less tender and sensitive. Later, many begin to be jealous of women, due to the fact that they fell in love with someone else.
Lack of attention. Flaw female warmth and worries one of the main roots male jealousy to babies. Before his birth, the couple had more possibilities to make time for each other. With the advent of crumbs, a man becomes not the most important in the house. He sees how the center of attraction is shifting to the nursery to the baby, taking away all the affection and strength from the mother. Dad feels himself detached from family idylls, which stably manifest themselves before pregnancy and childbirth. Inattentive women do not notice how their husbands are trying to talk to them, coming tired from work. The conversations and requests of the husband often go unheeded, what is happening plunges into shock, inciting feelings of jealousy.
The sexual coldness of a woman. Many women in the first time after childbirth cool to intimacy. Men cannot adequately respond to sexual coldness. They consider the newborn to be the culprit of the absence sexual life. Feeling dissatisfied and abandoned, they are jealous of their wife for the baby. Not receiving tenderness from their beloved, some husbands seek solace on the side or in a glass.
men in psychologically less compliant, they get used to stability and it is difficult to endure change. After the birth of the baby, mothers who do not have time to take care of themselves lead their husbands to think that they are no longer interested in them. A woman who does not try to be beautiful for her husband and kicks him with accusations of selfishness repels her beloved.

How to avoid conflicts because of jealousy of a child?

Women whose husband is jealous of a child should show wisdom to get out of the situation. It is important to pay more attention to husbands as a caress, and not criticism.

What to do to overcome male jealousy for babies?

Prevent feelings of rivalry. Men giving a lot of time to babies by their wives is perceived as a sign of coldness towards them. They are not ready to give the dominant role to the crumbs, so there is a feeling of rivalry, which develops into jealousy.

Spouses should do many things together, exchange gentle words, speak to various themes not always related to the child. Wives need to discuss everything with their husbands, not just diapers. So that a man does not have the thought that his wife is obsessed with the baby, and that he is his rival.
Set aside time to take care of your husband. Feeling the jealousy of a husband for a child, wives should find time to take care of their husband. If a newborn takes a lot of time and effort, it is worth attracting assistants. There is no need to be afraid to leave the baby with a grandmother or a nanny, for evening walks with her husband, going out to cafes, movies or guests. A change of scenery energizes and leads to the understanding that life goes on with the advent of children.
Help young dad to uncover paternal love. For a quick disclosure of paternal feelings, women need to be allowed to take care of the little young dad. By entrusting the baby to the spouse, he is given a chance to show himself in the role of a father. Men reveal exceptional character traits, and even paternal instinct. Husband in the desire to help with the child can not be denied. An ignorant dad needs to be trusted, not leaving him for a long time with the baby, but telling him how to properly take care of him. In the future, dad will be able to act on his own, giving his wife time to rest or take care of himself. In order for the father to feel his own blood in the baby and his significance for him and his wife, women need to thank him for his help and praise him.
Let your husband be the head of the family. Consulting with her husband, even in cases, the solution of which is known in advance, the woman makes the man understand that his opinion is important and she still needs him.
Don't forget your femininity. Women who maintain beauty in the hustle and bustle of the home are surrounded by the attention of their husbands. Do not think that the beloved "loves you any." Sluts with disheveled hair quickly annoy men. You need to have time to be a mother and wife, not forgetting about your female essence. New mothers need to take the time to clean up and be gentle, caring and loving with both the baby and the husband.

Differences in the psychology of the sexes prevent women from accepting the adequacy of male jealousy for their own daughter or son. For mothers, the situation of rivalry between fathers and children seems not normal. Given the small amount of free time and fatigue, they show little love to their husbands. Trying to save a family alone is difficult; with such problems, two must act. Therefore, when the first sprouts of jealousy appear, dads should also try to calm down their negative emotions and start getting involved in fatherhood.

How can men calm their jealousy?

Give more attention to your wife without demanding anything from her in return. For a husband who pays attention to his wife, does not forget about compliments, offers his help, women always find free time. Men who try to draw attention to themselves with reproaches that they cannot live long without sex, as well as questions about when there will be dinner, whether the beloved remembers its existence, annoy and repel their wives.
To evoke a sense of self-love in a child. Dads who spend more time with a child become attached to him faster. They quickly get used to smiles, carrying on their hands, laying down the crumbs. Over time, the baby asks for hands not only to mom, but also to dad. Caring for a child, the feeling of rivalry gradually fades, and love grows stronger.
If you want to be the main one - become it. Dads who are actively involved in family life are not left without attention. You need to consult with your wife and give her recommendations. Avoiding joint decisions, leaving the choice to his wife even in non-serious matters, the man himself reduces his significance. In the future, women continue to solve problems without bringing the husband up to date, thereby moving away from him. If a man does not have a desire to help, a woman's intentions to ask about anything disappear. There is no attraction to such husbands, no sexual attraction, their authority falls in the eyes of their wives, and their supremacy is quickly forgotten.
Help your beloved more. Young dads who do not help with the baby and around the house do not achieve recognition as their loved ones. The men who refused to help simple matters, with which the wife really easily copes herself, activate the mechanism for increasing the woman's independence.

Women who decide and do everything on their own, self-esteem grows. They begin to think about whether they need such a father and husband in general, if they manage without him. The development of such a problem leads to global consequences, to a complete collapse and divorce. A woman needs to be led to the idea that it is difficult for her without a man, helping her in elementary matters: washing the dishes, vacuuming the house, heating milk or lunch, etc. And if during the day a young mother did not find a minute for dad, then closer to night, she will definitely thank her husband with words and affection that he does not get.

Relationships of newly-made parents, not focused on difficulties, fatigue and problems, acquire a bright emotional coloring. With the loss of time with the birth of a baby, jealousy bursts into family life. It should be eradicated instantly by continuing to hug, kiss and praise each other. Harmony reigns in families with greater strength, in which mothers and fathers show love, respect and patience, and also take care of the child together.

Good afternoon, Dear Parents. Many adults are convinced that children born in a previous marriage will cause problems and trouble for new relationships. In other words, over new family the threat looms - a child from his first marriage. The problem is not so great if the baby is small, obedient or understanding.

When a person enters new marriage, he is consciously ready to take care of the partner's child. As for our country, usually the mother picks up the child, and her new husband comes to her family. Sometimes a woman with a baby moves to his house.

There are rare situations when children stay with their father, but in this case, the child with the stepmother becomes even more difficult.

In the relationship of any couple, certain steps can be distinguished that are natural for them. family life. So, if the marriage is repeated, then these steps also affect the relationship with the child. At first, all family members strive to make a favorable impression on each other.

The differences in character, habits and actions are leveled, that is, the husband and wife strive to look at the world the same way, to have the same opinion, to desire the same things. If something does not match, then the couple seeks to smooth it out in order to prevent the emergence of a conflict.

When creating a family with a child from a previous marriage, an adult also seeks to please him, spends time with him in the hope of quickly finding mutual language and make friends, and if any difficulties happen, then this is attributed to shyness or the usual childhood whims.

Adults think that everything will somehow "settle down" by itself.

What do adults do to ensure that in this so-called candy-bouquet period not quarrel with each other? They avoid uncomfortable topics that somehow cause some controversy - for example, issues of raising children.

Adults intuitively feel that all this can lead to misunderstandings, quarrels and conflicts, and strive to prevent the slightest threat to their relationship. Thus, uncomfortable topics, questions and problems are hushed up, rather than being resolved and discussed.

Examples include issues such as the right response to illness and disobedience, time for walks and games, what to do with the baby's toys and things, when he needs to be put to bed and how he needs to be fed.

This may also include the participation of grandparents, the communication of a son or daughter with past parents, etc.

It happens that in the family there are no rules that are understandable to everyone, or they exist, but are not spoken out. If your family has the same situation, then you need to think over the basic rules regarding your family and taking into account the age needs of your child, and then announce them to all household members.

In the event that either the student is inadequate, then you need to realize what lies behind all this. To do this, you need a desire to hear the opinion of another, trust in him and a willingness to make emotional contact.

You can understand that a child from a first marriage is afraid of losing your attention and love, or that he has problems at school and does not know how to successfully cope with them.

If you yourself will involve your child in the decision family matters, then you will show him a great example. You will also be able to unite your family even more tightly and prove to everyone that a teenager is very significant for the family - this is extremely important for the latter.

Try to find some unifying activities - for example, joint trips to the cinema, to the skating rink, to a picnic. All this will increase trust between you, and the child from the first marriage will treat the new parent with more love and respect.

Family safety is based on mutual understanding between parents!

If everything is agreed between mom and dad, then family system differs in stability, and in relations safety and mutual understanding reign. Thus, children develop harmoniously. All family members can freely express their emotions, feelings and needs, they hear each other, they know how to negotiate and come to a compromise.

Differences that arise are successfully resolved, and conflicts are not hushed up, but, on the contrary, are discussed. Relationships are characterized by honesty and openness, they lack any pressure, as well as various manipulations.

The boundaries are clear and discussed, as are the rules, so that everything is simple and understandable for children. Household members no longer need to control and manipulate each other - a child from his first marriage behaves calmly, everyone is happy and just lives.

Be happy!

Situations where a woman marries a man who has children from his first marriage are quite common.

And in almost all cases new wife begins to feel uncontrollable outbursts of jealousy for her husband's children from his first wife. It seems that any woman, having calmed down, understands that this is life, and there is no getting away from it, but jealousy does not go away from this.

What to do about this? Indeed, on the basis of such jealousy, one can not only undermine mental health but also destroy your marriage.

Possible causes of jealousy and how to overcome them

Let's try to understand the situation more scrupulously and highlight the main reasons that cause jealousy of this kind in women. All of them, as a rule, are connected with the gloomy reflections that new wives conduct about themselves. Below is a selection of particularly heavy jealous thoughts, along with tips on how to curb them.

Only a man who still loves their mother can love children like that.

Unconsciously, the new spouse perceives her husband's love for children from a previous marriage as a craving to restore relations with her ex, or to the way that he had until now.

Here you should calm down and, descending from heaven to earth, look at things soberly.

Firstly, at the moment he is not with her, but with you, and he left her not for someone, but for you. Secondly, if the current spouses also have common child(or children), whom he loves just as passionately, what happens?

Does he love both women? It becomes clear that this is absurd. And here it will come to any lady that he simply loves his children, and from any marriage.

He devotes his free time to them.

The owner of the family does not have much free time. And it is all the more insulting that he often dedicates it to the children from his first wife.

Such a circumstance will make any spouse jealous and look at her husband with impotent dumb reproach. But, again, you should dot the "i". He is always with you, that is, he comes from work to your family hearth, with you day and night.

At night, he cannot meet with his children from a previous marriage, just as he cannot devote evenings to them. all cinemas, entertainment centers etc. work only in daytime. And you don’t go fishing with your son at night.

It should also be felt that children also want to be with their father always. And they are forced to be content with only those few hours that they get in connection with the circumstances.

He spends too much money on them

How can you not be offended and not jealous if, instead of buying you a new fur coat, he suddenly forks out to buy new boots for his daughter or buys a new smartphone for his son.

Again, think rationally. Here he refuses to buy boots for his daughter to please you. His daughter will have to go to school in torn shoes.

Will you respect your husband after that? And, even worse, will you be proud of yourself and your “victory” in this case?

He takes them on our joint vacation

“Why, if we gathered with our family at sea, is it necessary to drag our children from a previous marriage?”

Indeed, the whole idyll is broken. You won't be able to rest like that.

Plus, the husband will have to (again!) pay more attention to his children, and even you yourself will have to look after them at times instead of enjoying the rest together. The same rule applies here as in the case of "torn boots".

Imagine the face of a child when he found out that his father had gone to a resort to rest and did not take him with him. Are you feeling better?

Looking at how he messes with her (!) children, you involuntarily begin to think: “He still loves her!”

Calm down and open your eyes. If he wanted to return to the old one again, he would not meet with children, but would look for a meeting with her.

How to stop being jealous of a husband for a child from his first marriage?

The psychology of this issue is complex, but if such concepts as conscience, tolerance and common sense, he is quite capable of getting rid of this useless, useless jealousy.

Here are the main tips to take into account:

in order to cope with such jealousy, you should stop thinking superficially and try to feel everything at a deeper level. Because, honestly, deep down you want everyone to be happy. And to separate children from their father and rejoice in the fact that he is with you, and not with them, is very bad, right? Isn't the price for one's own well-being great?
it would be nice to also feel the situation in which his former wife is. After all, usually former wives only play into their hands when the spouses quarrel. Don't give her that pleasure.
Learn to put yourself in your husband's shoes. Try to get into his shoes and feel his thoughts. And now, from his position, think about how you would behave in his place, being in his situation? It's not easy for him either. And you should maintain relationships with children, and you will not be offended. And would you really refuse another meeting with them because for some reason your wife is not satisfied that you, like any normal father, love your children?
Learn to put yourself in the children's shoes. Try to feel the thoughts of a child who thinks that dad did not go to the movies with her or did not go fishing with him because aunt (that is, you) swears.
also imagine that you and your husband have separated, and your children who want to communicate with their own father are interfered with by some woman who is constantly jealous and jealous of his kids. You deserve a bitter prize. All negative emotions that you have, you can redirect to your address.

Wouldn't it be better to calm down and stop fighting windmills and getting angry over far-fetched and thought-out reasons? After all, it is not far out of the blue to bring the matter to a divorce.

First of all, all psychologists insist on establishing a full-fledged, respectful and trusted contact with the spouse's former children.

And, of course, fix trusting relationship will not succeed immediately. Partly due to the fact that children can be negatively tuned to their stepmother own mother, partly because of their own understanding of the situation, which is based on the fact that: "... because of this woman, dad divorced mom ...".

How to behave with the son (daughter) of the spouse?

Do not be intrusive and done. Children see everything and understand everything. Be yourself, but at the same time understand that your relationship with your spouse and the psychological atmosphere in the family as a whole will depend on how you build relationships with your spouse’s children.

The main tips are:

do not discuss with the child his mother;
do not try to extract information from the child about what his mother says about you;
do not overwhelm the child with gifts, feel the edge of what is permitted and remember that trust and respect cannot be bought, they are won by deeds and deeds, but not by bribery;
do not scold the children, only the father should punish them, but snitching is also not good, if you snitch, turn the kids away from you forever.

How to behave with your husband?

Although the topic of relations with children from previous marriage quite complicated and inconvenient for both spouses, but any sane person understands that it needs to be discussed.

Once you have started this serious issue, try never to touch it again, placing all the accents already in the course of this only conversation, which should take place either before or immediately after the wedding. Therefore, approach it in the most informative and prepared way.

Things to discuss with your spouse:

acceptable spending on children (in addition to);
how children should behave in their home;
when (what days and hours) the children will visit their father;
if the children live with him, the husband should once and for all explain to the children the level of respect they should show towards the stepmother, etc.

In no case should you let your jealousy spill out. You should not show envy and be especially tolerant in the first months after marriage, while the way of life takes on a more stable character. It should be remembered that one of the main criteria strong family life are tolerance and trust.

And since at first the psychological background in the family due to the appearance of children from former wife will be unsteady, unstable and vulnerable, you should not load your spouse with unnecessary secondary problems.

Many married women are jealous of their missus for his child. The article explains how to get rid of the painful feelings of jealousy and make friends with your husband's baby.

New love is an inspiring feeling that leads to the creation strong family. But both spouses fateful meeting I had my own life - hobbies, friends, and sometimes even children.

A child, unlike a wife, cannot be an ex. Therefore, a young woman needs to accept her husband's past. And then build a harmonious relationship with the son or daughter of the faithful.

Despite all the inner worries, the young wife is obliged to accept that a man will pay attention to his child and spend money on him.

Jealous husband for a child from his first marriage

Jealousy never arises from scratch. We are experiencing it painful feeling when the most close person spends his precious time not on our loved ones, but on a stranger.

Most often, a woman is jealous of her husband for a child when he:

Spending free time with the baby. For example, the husband and child went to the cinema for the weekend, while the young wife stayed at home. It is clear that such a "going out" will be painful for any woman.
Takes him on vacation. A young woman wants to spend long-awaited vacation alone with the faithful, and not deal with someone else's child (even if he is polite and well-mannered).
Helps with money. It seems to a woman that her husband spends an excessive amount of money on a child or an ex-wife. While the "wasted" finances could be used to build joint happiness.
Often meets with a child. Most of all, women are harassed by the arrival of someone else's child in the apartment where she lives with her husband.
Calls from ex-wife or child. In most cases, such communications are due to the need financial assistance. But the young wife finds a completely different subtext in this. It seems to her that the missus continues to show interest in his ex-wife.

Another complicating point is the attitude of the mother-in-law towards the child. She will defiantly patronize and pamper him. Such a manifestation of care is due to the kindred feelings of the grandmother. For her grandson or granddaughter a priori native person and not just a child.

How to come to terms with paternal custody and not waste your nerves? This is covered in detail in the next section.

What to do

The most important thing is to understand that there is a problem. And just stop being jealous of a child for her husband will not work. You have to work on yourself - master new model behavior and improve self-esteem

Do not interfere with the communication of a husband with a child. They both have every right to.
All meetings of the child with her husband should be held in a tête-à-tête format. If the visit takes place in your apartment, leave the premises under any plausible pretext.
Try to connect with your child. It is desirable that he be friendly, but small man started to treat you like a good friend. This is achieved simple communication and sincere concern for the baby. Gifts can also be given, but they should not look like a bribe. The child feels great when care comes from pure heart and when not.
Determine the amount of money with your husband which he will spend per child per month. This will save you from unreasonable feelings of greed. You will stop worrying about the next gift for your baby.
take care of yourself especially self-development. This refers to self-education or interest courses. Surprisingly, but the fact is that people who are interested simply do not have time for jealousy. Believe me, new knowledge is never superfluous. At first it will seem that the courses take up your precious time. But it is better to spend two hours for your own benefit (for example, studying foreign language) than re-analyze your feelings for your husband's child.
Boost your self-esteem. Jealousy occurs in people who value themselves low. That is why they so painfully endure the weakening of attention to their person.

Finally, let's say what not to do:

show jealousy for someone else's child: this is exclusively psychological problem, the decision of which depends on you;
speak negatively about your ex-wife your faithful, even if it provokes conflicts.

Your job is to stay consistent. You can consider that you are adding one hundred points to your karma. Since all difficulties will pass, and you will grow wiser and gain experience.

The situation through the eyes of a child

The key figure of our triangle is the child. At little man your vision of the situation. Every child experiences a lot of stress during a divorce. It is connected with the destruction of the usual picture of the world. Now in place native mom there is a strange woman who is not even his relative.

In such a situation, many children begin to play manipulators. They are afraid that they will not receive attention, resources and love.

So, how not to be jealous of a husband for a child? First of all, internally accept that the manifestation of paternal feelings for your child from your faithful is completely normal.

Your task is to treat the child evenly and with respect, try to find golden mean. That is, to show sincere interest in him, and not to overwhelm him with useless gifts.

How to communicate with the child of the husband?

The most important moment in overcoming jealousy is proper communication with the child. Family psychologist advises to adhere to the following principles:

Gently and calmly explain to the baby rules of conduct in your home.
Do not talk to the child about his mother. Even if he quotes a couple of interesting thoughts of the ex-wife about you. Understand that any woman in the status of an ex-wife is under the influence of negative emotions. Over time, she will calm down and accept the situation.
Go to a competent soul healer. The family psychologist has experience with similar situations. Therefore, do not hesitate to tell him about the situation and follow his recommendations.

How to behave with your husband?

Each wise woman understands what responsibility falls on the head of the faithful after a divorce and a new marriage. Being loving father, a man worries about his child.

We can say that the psyche of the husband (as well as the child) in this moment is in the process of processing and accepting life changes.

To help the faithful successfully cope with what is happening, a woman is required to manifest strong character. Only the warmth and care of a new life partner help a man to understand the situation and choose the right strategy of behavior.

Psychologists advise during this period not to burden the faithful with their problems, but to organize interesting leisure. Going to the cinema, museums, exhibitions or even going out into nature will come in handy.

Jealousy of young wives for children of husbands from previous marriages is very common. To get rid of it, you need to build friendly relations with a child and get on with your life.