How to survive a breakup. According to the Moscow Psychological Assistance Service

• • Allow your emotions to take over
  • Break ties with the past
  • Work with your thoughts
  • Keep yourself busy
  • Learn a lesson for the future
  • Dream and set goals
  • Focus on the positives
  • Take time for yourself
  • Meditate
  • Take care of your career
  • Change your scenery
  • Spend time with friends
• • Trying to stay friends
  • Blame yourself
  • Throw yourself into the pool headlong
• Conclusion

Breakups happen in every person's life. Love twists and turns can leave a deep mark on the heart. The breakup of a relationship is often accompanied by resentment, melancholy, despair, and sometimes low self-esteem. Sometimes it is very difficult to find the strength and quickly recover after such a loss. In this article we will look at what stages of separation exist,with your beloved guy or girl and what you should never do when the relationship breaks down.

What are the stages of separation?

To understand , and learn to pull yourself out of depression, you need to look at the situation from a detached perspective. Each break leads to a series of psycho-emotional states- psychologists call them stages of separation. As a rule, everyone who has ever separated from their partner goes through these stages. Only the duration, depth of feelings and emotions experienced at each stage vary depending on the characteristics of the person’s psyche, the degree of attachment to the partner and other nuances.

There are five stages of separation:

At this stage, we are not yet able to soberly realize what happened. It seems to us that this is a temporary quarrel, the relationship continues, a time-out was just taken. We are afraid to admit that everything is over, so denying the breakup is a defensive reaction of our psyche to overcome the severity of the loss.

2. Expression of feelings

After denial, emotional intensity begins. We replay the quarrel and the moment of separation in our heads. At this stage, feelings such as resentment, anger, anger, and disappointment intensify. We begin to get angry at the other person. It is very painful to feel deceived, so it is very important to knowhow to recognize a lie. In addition, anger can also be directed at oneself. We blame ourselves for weakness, we suffer because we said the wrong thing.

The most important thing here is to stop blaming yourself. This is a painful stage after a breakup, based on a storm of emotions, followed by a stage of comprehension and attempts to understand what happened.

1. Bargaining and internal dialogue

At this stage, dialogue with yourself begins. We are trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship, we are going over it in our heads. possible options developments of events. It is at this stage that we imagine how we could have done things differently.

This is how thoughts are born that it is not too late to fix everything. A search begins for ways to return to past relationships, which is replaced by the triumph of wounded pride and the inability to continue interaction with the partner. There is an acute internal conflict, a feeling of a pendulum appears.

1. Depression

After trading, a stage of depression begins. The realization comes that nothing can be changed, the person has left our lives forever. The past is clearly perceived as something distant and irrevocable, but the future is unclear and foggy. Therefore, we try not to think about him, we live in our pain, mourning past relationships.

1. Acceptance and return to a full life

Gradually we begin to accept what happened to us. Thoughts about your partner are replaced by everyday activities and become less painful. At this moment, plans for the future begin, understanding the need to live on and build your happiness. New people, impressions, events appear, and life continues in its usual way.

Each of these stages can last a couple of weeks, months or even years. It happens that a person is not able to go through one stage. As a rule, we are talking about the stage of bargaining or the stage of depression. Cases arose when people were stuck in one phase or another until the end of their lives, carrying resentment, pain and bitterness through it.

This can cripple fate. Don’t carry negative emotions inside yourself, find a way to get rid of them. If you feel like you don't know howget out of depressionsituation you are in, seek help from to an experienced psychologist. Sometimes it's very effective method, when you feel that the situation is out of control. Nevertheless, the saying “Saving drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves” does not lose its relevance.

13 universal tips on how to survive a breakup with your loved one

It is not always necessary to run to a psychologist to lick mental wounds. Many of us are quite capable of independently finding a way out of the state into which we plunged after a breakup. We will share with you a few effective advice that will help you get out of vicious circle depression and endless reflection. Use them all or choose the ones you like.

Allow your emotions to take over

Don't pretend to be a hero who can suppress your pain and suffering. Emotions need to be released, so cry enough if you want to. Play songs about unhappy love in your headphones, suffer, and don’t listen to other people’s advice. They will convince you that these are unnecessary tears, the person was not worth it or something like that, but no one can be you and feel what you felt in this situation, so trust your emotions.

Suddenly you will get tired of crying, and on an emotional level the problem will begin to exhaust itself. The main thing is not to overdo it. Give yourself a certain period of time to be with the pain, and when it’s over, give up everything that provokes you to tears and start introducing positivity into your life.

Break ties with the past

This is one way to stop replaying a dear image in your memory. Throw away the person’s gifts, and if you feel bad about throwing them away, give them back to them. Remove everything from view joint photos, get rid of your happy selfies in your phone gallery. Yes, this is a memory, but if now it causes you a lot of pain and does not allow you to free yourself from obsessive thoughts, you need to part with it.

In fact, this is a working method. Once the object of your tears is out of sight, it becomes easier to turn your attention to other people and other concerns. This also includes advice not to visit the page. ex-lover several times a day. This favorite entertainment to all those who have separated and are grieving over relationships. Well, what will you find new there, besides reminding yourself of what has passed irrevocably? Take better care of yourself and your page, work on your image in social networks, it’s exciting and will bring real benefits in many areas of life.

Work with your thoughts

The main cause of our despair is our own thoughts. It is human nature to escalate a situation. Typically we think we won't find anything like this again. wonderful person, love happens once and it is gone forever, the meaning of life is lost, etc. Such intrusive thoughts may cause clinical depression or physical illness.

How to get rid ofnegative thoughts? Don't deceive yourself when you feel bad. If you repeat, like a mantra: “I feel good,” then you will not feel better. Replace gradually negative thoughts to positive ones. For example, the thought: “How could he/she do this?” to “What happened is past, thank you for everything, may everything be fine with you.”

This is not at all easy, especially if a loved one really hurt you, but without this you will not move forward. Only acceptance and forgiveness of the past underlie a happy future, and our thoughts inevitably lead to this. Fill yourself with kind and bright images, then life will also begin to improve.

Mentally communicate with your ex-partner

Sometimes the unspoken words addressed to the person who left our lives stand as a heavy lump in our throats, forcing us to replay the day of separation in our heads over and over again. Try writing unsent letter former chosen one. Put there all your emotions that prevent you from sleeping peacefully. Perhaps this is what will bring you relief.

Keep yourself busy

There are probably activities that you have been putting off on the back burner. Now you are on your own and can spend your time having fun. Go to an exhibition, a master class, attend a lecture. This will not only help you get distracted, but will also enrich you with new knowledge and bring you new acquaintances.

Have you been interested in something for a long time? Why not turn one of your interests into a hobby? Cooking, drawing, dancing - everything your soul has long wanted. Creative and creative energy heals. The main thing is not to get bogged down in a routine where your obsessive thoughts will eat you up every hour and make you sad.

Learn a lesson for the future

Every person comes across our path for a reason. It’s not for nothing that they say: “Everything that is done is for the better.” If a person came to teach you a lesson, learn it, thank it and calmly let it go from your life, because something even more wonderful awaits you ahead.

Understand that the end of a relationship is not a tragedy, but an opportunity to learn from your mistakes. Analyze what was wrong in your relationship, learn a lesson that you will take into account in the future. When a new relationship comes, it will be more harmonious and lasting, because you will be ready for it and will be able to avoid the troubles that once happened.

Just don’t deliberately look for a new soulmate immediately after a breakup, otherwise you risk ending up in a “transit” relationship. This is a relationship in order to forget or wipe the nose of your ex-partner.

Signs of a “transit” relationship include:

1. The desire for your ex to see you together with a new contender for your heart.
2. Thoughts about your ex-partner when you are with your new one.
3. You don't build joint plans with a new partner.
4. You do not introduce him into your close social circle.
5. Your attention is drawn to your new lover only when you are overcome by boredom.

By entering into such a relationship, you are making your situation worse and causing pain to the other person who has sincerely trusted you and has feelings for you. Subconsciously comparing your new partner with the previous one, you become more and more attached to such a dear and dear image a former lover who is still alive in your heart. That is why enter into a new relationship only when you are sure that you are no longer attached to the past.

Dream and set goals

Give your dreams the opportunity to come true. It sounds banal and loud, but it is a dream, turned into a goal, that sometimes makes us get up and move, regardless of the difficulties and obstacles that arise. Have you long wanted to go to another country, take professional lessons makeup or skydiving? Now is the time to start implementing your plans, because you have freed up a whole bag of time that you spent on your relationship!

If you find it difficult to decide what you really want, do one interesting and effective exercise.

Stay alone with yourself, take a pen and notepad. Imagine yourself in 5-10 years and describe your ideal future. Dream big, nothing limits you. Do you want to live in Bali? Please. Big family? Write it down like that. Have you always wanted to become a Nobel laureate? Everything is possible. Don't take into account your current self, your capabilities and who you are. Just sign yours perfect life and ideal self. This way you can get to know yourself and your true desires better.

Focus on the positives

Take a piece of paper with a pen and write down all the advantages of your separation. Maybe your ex-partner didn't allow you to go to bars with friends, wear short skirts or periodically criticized you unjustifiably? Find out,how to reactto insults, so as not to be offended in the future. After writing down the benefits, analyze the pros and benefits you received as a result of your breakup. Surely, you will have a couple of points for which you will begin to appreciate your newfound freedom.

Take time for yourself

You know what lowersyour self-esteem?Launched appearance. Perhaps in a depressed state you will give up on this, but believe me, the subconscious reflection in the mirror will make you even more sad. After a breakup, many people begin to eat away their feelings and emotions, forget about their appearance and generally let everything take its course.

But in vain! After all, this is the most favorable time to take care of yourself. Go to a beauty salon and update your wardrobe. If you have been wanting to change your image for a long time, do it now! Now no one will tell you that you shouldn’t spend so much money on things, take long baths, or that this hair color absolutely won’t suit you.

The main thing is not to overdo it with changes. There is no need to shave your head out of grief or fill your wardrobe with vulgar things. Look as if you were about to meet your ex-partner, in which case you would probably want to look stunning!

Meditate

Meditation helps to free yourself from bodily tensions and negativity. Give yourself 20 minutes after waking up or before going to bed. Turn on pleasant music, it should be wordless, abstract and take you into the world of your fantasy. These could be sounds of nature or special music for meditation.
Sit comfortably, relax your body, concentrate on your breathing, breathe evenly and deeply. Imagine nice pictures, happy moments in life - what fills you with warmth and makes you smile. Imagine being enveloped in love, immerse yourself in this feeling and be filled with it.

Daily meditation practices will help you maintain good mood. Meditation teaches us how to remain in harmony with ourselves and opens pathshow to become an optimist.

Take care of your career

There are many examples in life when successful career built on the ashes of failed relationships. Go to work, direct your energy to creation. Now you don’t have the burden of obligations to another person, which means you can immerse yourself in what you love.

True, this option is not suitable for everyone. Sometimes due to failed relationships and tried and tested negative emotions Severe fatigue accumulates inside you, which gives rise to apathy and depression. In this situation, you need to calmly accept your condition and take a time out from everything for a while. If you decide to rest, then rest wisely. Don't sit watching TV shows until the morning, eating candy and sipping strong drinks. Your body needs proper rest: long sleep, healthy food, active pastime, preferably in the fresh air.

Give love and positive emotions to others

As strange as it may sound, showing concern for others can actually help get rid of mental anguish. When we part with a loved one, an emptiness forms inside us. Good deeds and caring for other people, their smiles and gratitude give us a feeling of warmth and being needed in this world.

Give a gift to your parents or to a close friend for no reason, go to an animal shelter, buy food for its inhabitants and spend time walking with them, collect toys for children from orphanage etc. There are always those who need our help, you just have to take a closer look around. Through love for others you will come tohow to love yourself.

Change your scenery

Changing your surroundings can also help overcome depression and melancholy. This can be either a full trip or a trip to another city. Familiar surroundings quickly drags us into a routine, causing even greater melancholy, and routine, as a rule, does not evoke new emotions and impressions in us, which is the dangercomfort zones.

Travel to another country for a week, explore unfamiliar places, meet the local people, have fun and enjoy life. Such powerful therapy will very quickly relieve you of the blues. If this is not possible, go to another city for the weekend, there is probably something nearby interesting places, which you have never been to.

On extreme case When it is not possible to go to another place due to work or circumstances, change the environment at home. Move things in the bedroom, buy new picture or curtains.

Spend time with friends

The best prevention of depression is communication with loved ones. Grab your friends and go for a walk. Heartfelt conversations, laughter and interesting pastime will heal any wounds. Just don’t pour out on your friends the tsunami of negative emotions that arose as a result of your breakup. You want to get distracted and get over the moment of the breakup as soon as possible? Then ask your friends not to talk to you about your relationship with your ex-partner.

6 things you shouldn't do after a breakup

There are things that can only make your problems worse. negative feelings and emotions after a breakup. So, after a breakup, you can’t:

Trying to stay friends

This desire arises as a clever psychological response to the inability to restore love relationship. Real friendship impossible immediately after painful separation. Under the pretext of friendship it is very convenient to control personal life ex-partner and learn about new potential suitors for his heart. But you are unlikely to have to hope that they will be mutually interested in your life. With this proposal immediately after breaking up, you will only slow down your own development and movement towards a new happy relationship.

Perhaps you really will good friends. Only enough time must pass for this. Take a time out, let each of you sort out your feelings and accept the fact of your separation.

Starting a new relationship immediately after a breakup

We have already written above about such a phenomenon as “transit” relationships. If you want to heal the wounds with a new person, you will only make them deeper. Be alone with yourself. People come and go, running from one relationship to another, do not forget about the main person - yourself. Pay attention to yourself, take care of your mental and physical health.

Be mentally prepared for a new relationship, take into account the mistakes of the past that will help you in future relationships. After such an experience, you will know for sure how to find in the futurecommon language with a man.

Blame yourself

One of the favorite activities of those who have just left a relationship. Many of us live with negative attitudes. After a breakup, obsessive thoughts like: “I’m not attractive/smart/sexy enough” begin to visit my head. Thus, a person drives himself even more into complexes, which turn out to be only a consequence of low self-esteem, and not real external or internal qualities.

Learn from the circumstances and move on. Both are always to blame, there is no need to beat yourself up and engage in self-torture.

Throw yourself into the pool headlong

There are people who, after breaking up, throw themselves into all kinds of things: alcohol, clubs, casual sex. In this way, people want to drown out their mental pain that the breakup with their partner caused them. True, as a rule, after such a waste of life depressive state It's only getting worse.

Pressure on the ex-partner's guilt

If you want to save face and establish contacts with a person in the future, do not blackmail your ex or pester him with messages about what a scoundrel and scoundrel he is. Have you ever wonderedWhat are men afraid of?They fear and avoid women who will blackmail and manipulate them. This will only make things worse for you, be smarter.

If a person really did something bad to you, a punishment has already been prepared for him, which is called “conscience.” Believe me, over time it will make itself felt. Let go of the past and enjoy life and self-development. It’s not for nothing that they say that the best revenge is to be happy despite all the circumstances.

Call and write to your ex-lover

If you doubt your abilities, are afraid to lose your temper and press the cherished buttons by calling or writing to such a familiar and familiar number, delete this person’s contacts. A completely extreme, but useful measure for some, would be to block a person on social networks.

Effective exercises for forgiveness and gratitude

Complete two exercises that will help you let go of the person and feel harmony within yourself.

1. Forgiveness

Take a piece of paper and write down on it all the grievances you still hold inside of your ex-partner. When your personal list of mental pains has been compiled, put it in front of you, relax as much as possible, imagine your former lover in front of you and say the following:

“I let you go and forgive you for (say any item on your list of grievances). You didn't make me happy and I felt pain from it, but you had reasons for it that I refused to notice, forgive me. I also forgive myself for blaming you.”

Put all your feelings into these words. Let them sound from the heart. This will help you remove a heavy load of resentment and guilt. Learn not to take unjustified insults to heart, come up with your own ways,how to protect yourselffrom hurtful words.

1. Gratitude

As in the previous exercise, write down all the joyful and pleasant moments your relationship on a piece of paper, and then, visualizing the image of your ex-partner, thank him for each of these moments with the words:

“I sincerely thank you for (say the item on your list). You gave me wonderful moments that I will keep in my memory. Thank you for teaching me a lesson that will help me in the future, because I have a happy and joy-filled life ahead of me!”

Fill your heart with a feeling of love, but by no means bitterness. Let the person go with gratitude, he has already played his role in your life and made room for the beautiful and amazing.

Conclusion

Now you know little tricks that will help you get out of a depressed state and get over a breakup. Remember that your happiness depends only on yourself. People come and go, learn to let go easily and enjoy life independently of others. Only then, by the unpredictable will of fate, you will not be alone!

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Perhaps every woman has been abandoned at some point. Even Penelope Cruz. But some of us quickly forget and fall in love again, while others cannot forgive for years or wait for the man to return. How to survive a breakup with your loved one?

No one can remain calm when they say “I don’t love you anymore” or “I love someone else.” Worldly wisdom (“everything is for the best”, “you will have a hundred more of these”, “even Hollywood beauties throw") seem stupid - and I want only one thing: to wake up and understand that everything was in a stupid dream. But days, weeks pass, and you don’t wake up - which means this is actually happening to you. Troubles could come from anywhere: they could fire you from work, steal mobile phone in a minibus, be rude in line. But you couldn’t expect that the person closest to you would cause pain. At this moment you feel crushed, because you were not ready for betrayal. And it’s not clear what to do next. Psychologists advise to worry.

How to survive a breakup: childhood experience of loss

According to Freud and other supporters of the psychoanalytic concept, the situation of a break with a loved one always sends our unconscious to the first experience of abandonment - separation from our mother in early childhood. The circumstances could be very different: your mother went to work early, or you were in the hospital and were not allowed in, or perhaps your parents were too strict. The result is the same - when experiencing a break in personal relationships, a girl who experienced a lack of love in childhood will think: “I’m probably not worthy of love.”

“When Denis told me that he was leaving, I was shocked, of course,” says Inna (25). “But at the same time, she seemed to understand and justify him. After all, he is so successful, smart, handsome, and me? She graduated from a dubious institute and is far from beautiful. Of course, I’m not a match for him.” Psychologist of the Moscow service psychological assistance Vladimir Dmitriev I am sure that a small child who experienced a lack of parental love in childhood (and he always explained the inattention by the fact that he was not worthy of it), having matured, tries to earn it.

He believes that he must become better in order to be loved. “When I began to analyze our relationship, I realized that I was constantly trying to match Denis, dreaming of being liked by him. I never fully understood why he chose me, so I tried to earn his love,” Inna’s words confirm the theory.

According to Vladimir Dmitriev, in the experience of a breakup, the “childhood story” that a person carries within himself is very clearly manifested: “By exploring it with the client, we return to the past and find a child living with a feeling of lack of love.”

How to get over a breakup with a guy: someone else's experience

You can often hear from a person experiencing a separation from a loved one that he feels this event as death (his own, his partner’s, or his relationship’s). These feelings have a psychological explanation - indeed, experiencing a breakup often goes through the same stages as experiencing loss. Experts usually distinguish five stages: shock and numbness, denial and withdrawal, recognition and pain, acceptance and rebirth, and finally, life after the end of grief. “As a rule, people who are at the third stage of experience turn to a psychologist,” says Vladimir Dmitriev. - They feel severe pain and grief that turns to anger. They are angry at themselves, at the departed partner, at the injustice of the world. At the fourth stage heartache decreases. And parting takes on meaning, meaning in life, its place in “personal history.” Then the experiencer begins to organize life in a new way, then new events happen and new people appear.” While we are experiencing severe pain, it is impossible to analyze the situation. But when the pain goes away, it is important to remember that any event, even a very difficult one, can enrich our lives if we look at the incident from the right angle.

“Two years ago, my husband came home from work and said that he had fallen in love and couldn’t help himself,” says Valeria (29). - When I found out that he new passion Born in 1990, I experienced a powerful explosion of the most terrible feelings - anger, resentment, envy, jealousy, pity for myself and for our child. During the year I remembered ex-husband only with curses, but now I am grateful to him - for a wonderful son and for a meeting with an amazing man, which would not have taken place if my husband had not left me.” Vladimir Dmitriev explains that while rethinking what happened, we create with our own hands personal history. The same event, such as a breakup, can be perceived differently different people: as part of a success story (“thank you for three years of happiness, for the child, for the opportunity to meet love”) or as part of a victim story (“I’m always abandoned,” “all men are the same”).

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

Typically, it takes about a year to recover from a breakup. During this time, you need to live alone all the dates that are significant for the couple (the anniversary of the first meeting, a declaration of love). Vladimir Dmitriev believes that some aggravating circumstances of separation can increase the period of grief. If the familiar world collapses (for example, the spouses have been together for a very long time or a woman has learned about a man’s double life), then the experience stretches over time. But if both partners understand that the relationship has exhausted itself, talk openly about their feelings, thank each other and part ways peacefully, then the experience is relatively painless. This does not mean that an amicable, wise parting does not leave a mark on a person’s soul. Nor does this mean that people who are capable of breaking up peacefully are robots without a heart. It’s just that the man and woman in this case will experience light sadness, and not exhausting pain that deprives them of strength and desire to live on.

“Most men, out of false gentlemanliness, do not want to initiate a breakup,” says Masha (26). “Instead of breaking up with their unloved girlfriend, they do everything to make the relationship unbearable for the girl. It was the same with me - Dima stopped paying attention to me, came late, and I plucked up courage and voiced his desire: “Let’s break up.” There were no scandals, we just sat down and discussed everything. It was important to talk about us with him, and not to talk about personal problems with friends. Some words turned out to be terribly offensive and painful to hear, but very useful (I realized this later). “I think I got over the breakup much faster than many of my friends.”

"I'm ugly" and other feelings

Most girls (70%) blame themselves for what happened after a breakup. They ask the void again and again: what did I do wrong? for what? what do I need to fix? Should I have behaved/dressed/had sex differently? After a breakup, a lot of energy is spent on analyzing one’s own behavior and giving oneself unsatisfactory grades.

“Now it’s even embarrassing to remember what I thought about myself,” shares Polina (28). — When the self-flagellation went off scale (I got to the point where I considered one of the reasons for his leaving to be the lack of smoothness of my legs), it was as if a brake light inside had gone off. Then I was able to stop and remember that men also left absolutely ideal women, actresses and fashion models. It’s funny, but this thought made me feel better.”

Guilt always accompanies the experience of loss, be it death or passing away. loved one. You need to remember that this is normal, and at the same time try to find at least anger or anger in your soul. After all, if you can already feel them, then the outcome is quite close. In the process of experiencing, you are faced with the fact that a variety of emotions live inside you, most of them are unsightly, but they are necessary in order to learn a lesson from what is happening, and therefore insure yourself against encountering the same rake.

Advice from psychologists: how to survive a breakup

What words do we hear from friends and loved ones who are trying to support us? Of course, “don’t worry,” “forget.” By the way, this is the most wrong thing you can do. Psychologists recommend worrying.

“Whether the experience of a breakup becomes a shackle that prevents us from moving forward, or a treasure, largely depends on how we survive it,” says Vladimir Dmitriev. — Sometimes the pain due to loss of trust (for example, in case of betrayal) or broken hopes is so strong that you want to forget everything, just erase what happened from your memory. But more often than not, we fail to get over a breakup precisely because we try to forget it.” With the best of intentions, friends advise returning gifts, changing your hairstyle, or getting married as soon as possible. new novel. And some of us listen to others, others - to ourselves. The latter are doing the right thing.

“At first I wanted to throw away everything that reminded me of Oleg and even dyed my hair blonde,” says Irena (22). — I was not myself with bleached hair for exactly one day and returned natural color. It’s good that I didn’t delete the photos from the computer. This is part of my life! A few months later I was able to remember our joint travel with a smile, not with tears in your eyes.” Vladimir Dmitriev explains that “surviving” and “forgetting” are fundamentally different strategies. Forgetting interferes with experience. It's like trying to treat a disease with painkillers. Anesthesia can only be useful at the very beginning. Then it deprives you not so much of pain as of the opportunity to overcome the illness.

“I hate myself crying and have never allowed myself to cry, even in front of my friends. Probably, dad, who raised me strictly as a boy, did his job,” says Varya (23). “When the young man with whom we lived together for four years left me, I didn’t shed a single tear.” I felt terribly bad, but I thought that crying was humiliating. At the fourth meeting with the psychologist, I finally cried and sobbed for half an hour. And then things got moving.”

The process of experiencing is also hampered by illusions. We deceive ourselves, saying: “Yes, he is not needed, I’m not offended at all, I’ll go to a corporate event with someone else, let him see...” Fantasies pass, are replaced by one another, but real emotions exist, even if you want to forget about them. Don't stop yourself from experiencing them. The fact is that locked feelings will still come out - in the form of depression or health problems. "Emotions - enormous strength, says Vladimir Dmitriev. “If we break contact with them, this force becomes uncontrollable and we have to “tame” it with the help of a psychologist.”

Psychotherapists like to ask clients: what will happen if the table leg breaks? Correct answer: if there is only one leg, it will cease to be a table. If there are many legs, it will remain the same. Therefore, the more important and beloved things and people in life, the higher the stability in any crisis situation, including during the experience of a breakup.

According to the Moscow Psychological Assistance Service:

• People rarely make an appointment with a psychologist directly about a breakup (300 cases out of 20,000 calls), but often in the first minutes of the appointment, clients who apply for depression or chronic fatigue,

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How to part with you, my love?
I will not forget your features.
And in the passers-by flashing by,
Sometimes I imagine you.

May separation be inevitable
I keep it safely in my heart
I cherish your image tenderly,
I love only you.

How can I get over a breakup?
Without you my heart is sad.
Through all the distant distances
You attract me like a magnet.

You are beloved, sweet, gentle...
I can never forget
And I will love you as before,
My your heart forever.

We had to part sadly.
Fate probably knows best.
The heart will have to be reborn,
After all, loneliness breaks...

I wish us to find our loved ones,
Always be with them.
And let the invisible rays of love
We'll touch base with others!

With sadness in the heart in a sad moment, -
When you leave,
At least for a little while, you need strength,
To withstand it, to collect it.

After all, sadness will suddenly howl like a wolf.
I will be quiet, like a shadow,
Count the hours to speed up
All this time, all day.

I wish I could live to see us meet,
I would like to wait, hold out.
My beloved is far away
And she needs to make her way.

Ah, it's time to part,
Both latitude and longitude.
But there is no distance for love.
She is near and far.

And it gives us strength
In love there is life and there is peace.
There is not even death and grave,
For that love, for that life.

I don't want to part with you,
My beloved, my desired!
It will be unbearable for me to stay
Suddenly without you, completely alone.

Why is separation inevitable?
And why can't the clock be turned back?
When you held my hand tenderly,
When he gave his ardent gaze.

No, I can’t part with you,
There is not enough strength in my soul.
I don't want to cry, but smile,
I want you to always be by my side.

Like a night villain from around the corner,
Sadness has attacked and torments, mocking.
After all, I heard from you yesterday,
Why are you planning to go for a long time?

Perhaps for two or three days.
Or maybe you'll spend up to a week
You are on your way without me...
And I, like an eagle owl, like a prickly hedgehog

I won't be able to sleep peacefully at night.
I’ll start wandering in the darkness, gawking.
Like a wounded animal, I'll hide in the corner,
Not understanding what I am to blame for.

Why do I need these long hours!?
Why do I need a night that has no end! ?
How long will it take for you to come back?
My beloved, my beloved.

I will howl with all my heart at the moon,
I will become like a blood brother to the wolves.
And I still don’t understand one bit:
Why do I need it? What is my fault?

I will climb the walls like a spider.
Throw around like a predatory cat in a cage.
I will hear a loud heartbeat.
Oh, if only I could survive this!

Please don't think that I lied
That it wasn't serious.
As best I could, I protected it in my soul,
There is no need for these false thoughts,

What I didn’t like when I wrote,
That you are dearest to everyone in the world...
And I didn’t like it when I dreamed
About the meeting to be longer.

And I didn't want you when my eyes
The eyes opposite were drowning in tar...
I released all the brakes
To give you what you ask.

Bye, darling, bye!
The time has come to part.
I'll be looking forward to your call
And a day to meet.

I'll miss you
Dreaming every evening.
You became everything in my destiny.
Bye! Before new meeting!

The warmth of your spring remains in my hands,
It is special in life for me.
And it was, is now, but I'm tired,
When not a day goes by without thinking about you.

Believe me, I won’t ask you to let me go.
It has nothing to do with you, it’s just in your head.
I really believe in it, I promise I will get it
A source of air in my bottomless darkness.

I don’t know what to write myself,
I don't know how I can console you.
To understand these moments,
That those paths can no longer be crossed.

And so I want to be stronger
And pull yourself together like this.
Wander alone through those alleys,
And you know, not at all out of boredom...