Living together with an ex-husband. How to build a relationship with an ex-husband

Very little is said about how to build relationships after a divorce. In fact, a person may have difficulties during such a period and you need to know how to deal with them. Not everyone knows how to act in a situation where a parting happened with the person who was once closest to you.

Initially, you need to consider the relationship with the one you are breaking up with. We are talking about your ex-husband, because now you need to somehow communicate with him, or maybe not. Now this will be discussed in more detail.

Relations with the former: how to forget or restore them?

In general, it is undesirable to create a hostile relationship with any person. Your ex-husband is no exception. If he doesn't give a reason why not keep calm? It is especially not worth scandal if the process of divorce, separation of property and children was successfully completed. Did you break up with someone because you didn't get along? The two of you are to blame for this, you should not blame one man.

Relationship with ex-husband after a divorce, you should not support only if he cheated on you and betrayed you. This is the case when you have every right to refuse communication and any contact. One thing is important - there is no need to arrange a war, be kinder.

But what if you are the one to blame for the divorce from the man? Probably, there are situations when a woman does something unconsciously. As a result, the husband has every right to terminate and dissolve the marriage. How to improve relationships after a divorce, is it possible? If you want to reunite with the person again, tell him about it and give him time to think.

Usually, there is a small chance that you will still be able to move in together again and continue the happy and long life. To in further relationship only developed, work on yourself, on your mistakes. This will allow you to radically change everything. How to restore a relationship after a divorce? Now the answer to the question is known.

What will be the relationship with the children?

If you have a child and you and your husband are divorcing, the child will probably experience unpleasant feelings. To build a relationship with your child after a divorce, start talking to him more. This will help you find mutual language, even closer and become the most native.

Speaking of which, here are some tips for those who are getting divorced and have children:

• Explain to your child one very important thing. Make it clear that the child is not to blame for the fact that the parents diverge. Often children blame themselves, I think that it is because of them that mom and dad break up. By ridding them of this feeling, you are one step closer to success.
• Do not forbid to see the second parent. For example, many women do not allow their child to see their husband, which is a wrong decision. Communication with the father is simply necessary for the child, arrange regular meetings. Try to provide your son or daughter with care, both from mom and dad.

Is a new relationship possible immediately after a divorce?

Is it possible to start a new relationship immediately after a divorce? Is this allowed? It is difficult to find an answer to such a question, since everything is based on individual preferences person. If you need a new relationship after a divorce, consider whether the following stages have passed:

1. Awareness of the situation. You need to understand that more man with whom you lived will not be near. In fact, everything is quite simple to understand. Many women try to think not about constantly worrying. This is not really the correct solution.
2. Accept the divorce and find the positives you can get. For example, after you get divorced, you may have more possibilities, isn't that good? If a formerly a man forbade visiting beauty salons or girlfriends, do it now. Go shopping for the day, hang out with your favorite girlfriends, relax at home and enjoy life.
3. Forget about the past and try not to think about it, this is the only way to permanently erase negative memories from memory. By the way, it is advisable to throw out all those things that you associate with your ex-husband.

If you can prepare yourself for a new relationship, why not start one? It doesn't matter how much time you need. You can start dating another man in a couple of weeks, this is quite normal.

How to restore a relationship after a divorce?

Just talk. This is one of the most important points. Invite each other to a meeting and discuss whatever is bothering you. It is very important to see the problems on which you will have to work well in the future.

1. Live separately and arrange only romantic dates. Create intrigue in the relationship, do everything as it was before the wedding. Imagine that you have recently met each other and are starting a relationship with clean slate. Gradually, you will definitely get used to each other. And when you are separated, there will be a feeling of boredom, a lack of a person. It is at this moment that you can move in.
2. Discuss how your couple will develop. For example, assign responsibilities and discuss all important points. This is how you create a good relationship after divorce.

The main thing in the resuscitation of relations is the mutual desire to resume everything and start from scratch. If a person does not show desire, nothing will come of it. In addition, there are reasons that you will never forget. For example, if you divorced because of infidelity, it will be difficult to start over.

Good relationship after divorce

Relationships between spouses after a divorce are difficult to build, sometimes you can not do without advice experienced psychologists. Going to a specialist is a great solution if you suddenly hit a dead end and cannot get to a good level.

If a person tells you: “I don’t want a relationship after a divorce”, it’s better not to try to restore something. Forced to be around is the wrong way to solve all problems. Only with mutual desire can you become happy, in no other way and under no circumstances.

Divorce has never been a holiday for anyone. Everyone experiences an unpleasant feeling if they still part with their soulmate. Before you decide on it, think about whether something can be fixed. It is foolish to get divorced, so that after that again try to restore something. It is better not to make unnecessary movements so as not to create additional problems.

Sometimes it happens that, after parting with a man and spending some time without him (perhaps even filled with other relationships), you again begin to remember how good it was with the former. As a rule, this happens if all subsequent relationships were not successful, or as a result of an unexpected meeting that made you take a fresh look at someone with whom you had already parted. It also happens that the former does not want to let you go, calls you a hundred times a day, says that he loves you very much and now everything will be different. Pictures from the past pop up in my head, and the pleasant ones shamelessly crowd out those that hurt. You believe in the best and it seems that you can start all over again.

In fact, only you yourself can solve the dilemma “can or cannot”. It all depends on specific case and from confidence in the person with whom you are again going to connect, if not life, then at least some part of it. In this regard, there are many different opinions. Someone thinks that it's worth a try, because during the time spent apart, a lot could change, and even the person himself. Others are sure that if they try to glue a broken cup, it simply won’t work anyway - there will always be only a crack in the place of the crack. Well, ardent opponents do not even allow the thought of resuming relations with the former, explaining their position more than succinctly: "If it has to grow together, it will grow together right away, without any second chances."

Well, if now you are faced with the choice of whether to enter the same river twice, you should take into account a number of nuances, answer a few questions for yourself that will help you decide and make the right decision.

Remember what caused your relationship to end.

If the reason for the breakup was a mere trifle, and you don’t even remember the details, then everything is much simpler - people often follow principles, do not want to give in, and therefore ruin relationships without wanting to. Perhaps you should try to be together again. But it is necessary to look at the situation in a completely different way, in which treason, deceit and assault took place. Are you ready to endure again everything that you ran away from some time ago? No one can give you a guarantee that these troubles will not happen again. Yes, and can you open heart and soul to treat the one who once betrayed you?

Some girls go into a relationship with an ex solely because of the desire to prove something to him.

Consider if you really want to be with this person.

Some girls go into a relationship with an ex solely because of the desire to prove something to him. Sometimes hurt pride comes into play (for example, in the case of his betrayal), and they begin to meet with the former only in order to take revenge. And sometimes the motive for resuming communication becomes a rather dubious need to show him how beautiful, smart, well-groomed, etc. she is now. Simply put, if he pointed you to those extra pounds, then now that you have lost weight, it's time to wipe his nose and strike him with his beauty. But in fact, such feelings cannot be the basis for starting romantic relationship. First, you should understand that whatever you are trying to prove, you are proving only to yourself. Neither your ex nor those around you need it. And secondly, it is not at all necessary to become a couple again so that he sees how beautiful you are, it is enough just to appear in front of him “accidentally” in a breathtaking dress at some event.

Jealousy or love?

This point is similar to the previous one, with the only difference being that this case will be discussed about jealousy for all the girls of the former who appeared with him after you. Many people suffer from this feeling. It seems to them that he simply has no right to love someone else. “Yes, how is it? I was his best! As soon as I imagine that he is hugging someone, he twitches.” And in this case, without even experiencing something similar to love, you can again try to return the man. But is the game worth the candle? Some time will pass and you won't need it. After your self-affirmation, it will not become easier for anyone - neither you nor your man. And, after all, you are not going to return every ex of yours, just to show yourself that you really are the best?

After your self-affirmation, it will not become easier for anyone - neither you nor your man.

Would you connect your life with him?

It's for real important question which you should answer for yourself. At the beginning of a relationship, this is difficult to do - we really do not know who we are dating. But if you have already seen not only positive, but also negative qualities a person (you managed to part because of something), you will surely be able to admit to yourself whether you want to marry him for life, forever and ever. If the answer is a resounding yes, then it might be worth a try. And if you hesitate, think, close your eyes and see scenes from the past in which you swear, slam doors, then consider resuming the relationship. Most likely, you don’t want to be with this person so much if, thinking about the prospect of becoming one family with him, you begin to doubt.

Do you trust him?

Since the reason for the breakup is often betrayal on the part of a man (we, women, are also not saints, but now we are talking about something else), the question of trust in him in “repeated” relationships is almost the most important. Let you think that you have forgiven him, let you assure yourself and those around you that now you won’t even think about reading his correspondence on social networks and on the phone, be alone with yourself and answer the question: “Do I trust him so much that I exclude the possibility of another treason?" The scheme is the same as in the previous paragraph: “yes” - try it, in doubt or a firm “no” - then why? By plaguing both him and yourself with suspicion, you will make two people unhappy. You will not be able to live in peace, fearing that you will be betrayed again.

Be honest with yourself - if you renew a relationship that a priori will not bring you happiness, you will only lose time and peace of mind. Of course, you can try, take a chance and see what happens. As they say, if you really want to, then you can. Just please be careful.

Relationships between two people can be different scenarios. When their ending is not very happy, people disperse into different sides trying to forget each other, and start a new relationship. But sometimes partners, having lived for some time separately, understand that forming relationships with another person does not bring satisfaction or loneliness turned out to be not freedom, but heavy burden. In such cases, there may be a desire to return to the bosom of the family, where everything is simple, familiar and familiar. Often people who try to “enter the same river twice” get emotional and forget what made them take such a serious step in the past as a divorce. They build new relationships with former partners, but, most often, such attempts again end in disappointment.

To understand whether people have a chance to reunite a family where it has already broken up once, one should understand the reasons for the desire to restore broken relationships.

Rekindling a relationship with a former partner and remarrying him can sometimes be very tempting. This is due to strong affection to the person years lived together, having children who miss their dad, or being tired of being alone. At the moment when the divorce was left behind, and the mental pain subsided, the appearance of the ex-husband on the horizon of life is no longer perceived with hostility, but on the contrary, looking at the native face, thoughts “shouldn’t we start all over again?”, Especially if he asks forgiveness, gives gifts and by all means seeks family reunification. But you should not immediately rush into the pool with your head and build something where, perhaps, nothing can be built. It is important to pause in order to understand what prompts you to step on the same rake again and whether it is worth doing.

Habit

Firstly, big role force of habit plays. When you live for many years under the same roof with the person you love, everything in him becomes familiar - smell, look, speech, manners. And his presence in life at a time when the pain of parting has almost subsided can provoke memories that are easy to confuse with love.

If you understand that you want to try again to build a relationship with your ex-husband, because you are used to the fact that he is always there, then this is a dangerous motive that can lead to re-divorce. It should be understood that, despite the desire to return your life to its usual course, the problems that led to the first separation have not gone away and the person with whom the relationship once ended most likely remained the same.

Children

Trying to save a family for the sake of children is another dangerous motive. Divorce of parents causes trauma to the psyche of children, but even taking this into account, psychologists say that the child grows and develops more safely in incomplete family with stable emotional background than where there is mom and dad, between whom quarrels and scandals often break out, misunderstanding and disrespect reign.

Fatigue

It happens that a woman gets tired of loneliness, new relationships with other men do not add up, the area of ​​responsibility grows, and longing for a strong male shoulder can provoke a desire to start over with an ex-husband.

In such a situation, it is important to know that life fatigue is not a reason to re-build an alliance with a person who has not changed and consciously return to the problems that previously led to a divorce.

Sometimes people who separate and live separately for a while come to understand that love for former partner still alive. In this case, feelings may flare up with new force. What to do if the desire to be close to a person is stronger than past grievances? Most importantly, look at past experience and understand what both people are ready to go to, for the sake of preserving love and the opportunity to restore the family. How they are both ready to change themselves so that their behavior in again don't get separated.

New relationship with an ex-husband: how to forget the past

Forming a relationship with a former partner should be based on the complete release of past grievances. Are you ready to look at your ex-husband not through the prism of old disappointment, but with new eyes, as at a person whom you met for the first time? If the answer is yes, then there is a chance to save the family. Only on condition that the ways of behavior and actions in it will be completely different from the old ones. Otherwise, it will not be possible to avoid a repeated sad ending. Both a man and a woman should know about this and do everything in order not to repeat past mistakes.

If you have decided to start everything from scratch, then you cannot see the former in your partner - these roles should be closed to you forever. Look only to a bright future. Do not try to control a man and remind him of the past - this is fraught with new problems. Try to start perfectly new life and give the former partner the opportunity to show that he is ready for changes in order to save the family.

Building relationships from scratch

You should not be led by feelings and be too hasty in making a decision to live together. The relationship between the former couple should develop gradually, give yourself and your partner time to meet, like for the first time, to care for each other, if there is such a desire. During this period, it is important to carefully observe the person, and then it will become clear whether he has really changed and become different. Otherwise, an attempt to reunite the family may result in a new psychological trauma with a repeat of the past negative experience. During the courtship period, many things will become noticeable. Try at this time not to dissolve in a person, going into love with your head, but to draw reasonable conclusions in order to make a correct and balanced decision later.

Forming a relationship with an ex-husband should be freed from empty hopes and self-deception. Do not entertain yourself with the illusion that on the basis of emotional and physical attraction, you can create a new successful union with the same person. You should not believe the promises and words of a man that he has changed and now your family life will go completely differently. See how strong his desire to return his family is and what he does for this.

Work on yourself

A person does not change when another partner wants these changes. The ability to change one's life arises when there is a rethinking of one's actions that led to divorce and the breakup of the family by the person himself. Therefore, sometimes it is even useful to leave in order to realize your mistakes and start life from scratch, even with the same person. The main thing is how great the desire to work on oneself is, and what steps are being taken for this.

Unfortunately, marriages don't always work out well. The thought simply does not fit in my head that the person who was closest to you for some time will one day become a complete stranger.

He leaves your house, but at the same time, he does not leave your life: you still think about him out of habit, meet him by chance in the city, maybe even call him up. Well, if you have children together, then communication, at least minimal, simply cannot be avoided.

However, the question of whether to continue relations with an ex-husband or stop them completely after a divorce always arises: you doubt - and that's fine!

You hear a lot of useful and very contradictory advice: “Don’t communicate with this scoundrel” or “Communicate - it can still go back to normal.” How not to get confused, especially if advice is given by people who are very authoritative for you: parents, girlfriends.

Of course, you must decide everything yourself, and close people should support you in this decision.

Communicate to your own detriment

You should not communicate with your ex-husband if you are very upset after the meetings. Communication reminds you of past "happiness" and exacerbates your current "loneliness".

It will be useful to stop meetings even if the ex-spouse talks to you disrespectfully, allows himself to be rude. Before, it was still possible to understand your patience - you wanted to save your family with all your might.

Now you need to let him know that you are not his “property”: he no longer has any rights to you! You are as alien to him as thousands of other women - and he deserved it.

Perhaps, at least for some time, it is necessary to stop meeting and talking to those couples in whose family affairs the “third” or “third” intervened. Nothing makes it so clear true attitude to a person, like separation.

"Continuation of the banquet"

However, if you yourself feel that, despite the divorce, despite everything, not very pleasant moments in your relationship, you need this person, then you should not go against your heart.

It makes no sense to “cut off” your past for those who have developed quite respectful and trusting relationship. Maybe love, passion, tenderness have passed, but friendship remains - one of the components of any marriage. It happens that both the husband and the wife have new families, and they are still interested in each other's life, if possible they help in word or deed.

Divorce is a reason to start over

Divorce is just a documented solution to the issue, but sometimes it is he who helps the spouses get out of the "impasse" in the relationship. None of them really wants to leave - they just needed some kind of relaxation: too much has accumulated. The set “point” becomes the beginning of a new stage in their family life.

Therefore, if you feel that you want to keep your ex-spouse longer at your place, and he doesn’t want to leave your house for the night (he came to pick up some things, find out about the children’s studies, or found some other good reason for in order to find yourself under the same roof with you in the evening), then why do you at this moment remember the advice of your girlfriends that this cannot be forgiven?

Relax, allow yourself at this moment not to think about anything: neither about the past nor about the future. Once again you are close, and everything else does not matter!

Children's surprise

If you have children, then the question is: “Is it worth continuing the relationship with your ex-husband after a divorce?” - redundant for you. You will have to keep in touch with their father in any case, unless, of course, he is the kind of parent who, having received "freedom", completely forgets that he has obligations.

For the sake of children, you can go to great lengths, and even pretend that, although you are divorced, you still appreciate and respect their father - let your relationship not touch their fragile children's world.

Let's give ourselves a certain setting before the meetings:

1. Be calm.

2. Don't remember the past.

3. Do not demand explanations.

4. Talk respectfully and stick to neutral topics.

5. Look at your ex as a new man in your life - with interest.

It is very difficult, but it gives effective results: he will either respect you like never before, or even fall in love again!

Decide: what do you want? If your ex-spouse really bothers you so much that you have long dreamed of living with him in different parts light, then no one has the right to persuade you to “love” him again.

But, perhaps, in the depths of your soul, a spark of hope is smoldering. Then communicate and do not forget about one piece of advice - look at your ex-husband the way you looked at him at the time when you were his bride.

In contact with

It is always easier to destroy than to create. But after the dissolution of the marriage, some couples have the question of whether to renew the relationship after the divorce.

Indeed, in some cases, the separation of the spouses occurs under the influence of emotions, and then they begin to regret what they have done. Some immediately begin to understand that they have lost their love, while for others, insight comes after many years.

Practice shows that it does not matter how much time has passed since the dissolution of the marriage and what reasons led to this decision.

Often, neither new families nor children from other marriages can serve as an obstacle to reunification. That's just waiting for the family after the reunification?

Not one forum on the Internet is busy discussing this issue. And all the advice that is given there is rather contradictory. If you wish, you can improve relations with your ex-husband after a divorce, but it is rather difficult to guess how long they will last.

Typical situations

Couples who, after a divorce, have decided to get back together can be roughly divided into the following categories:

• unfinished relationship
• Infantile position
• power struggle
• Fear of being alone
• Inability to cope independently with life's difficulties
• The first group includes married couples who could not survive the separation. After a break between such partners on an emotional level, everything remains the same. They continue to actively communicate, think about each other. Even if the separation was accompanied by negative emotions or they managed to enter into a new relationship, the thought of starting all over again regularly visits them.
• The second category of divorcees operates from the point of view of an infantile position. In the first marriage, such spouses are quite often set up only to take, not to give. Some adhere to the principle that everything should come into their own hands.
• The third group spend years in marriage, in a constant struggle for power. Each of the spouses seeks to prove to his soul mate that he is worthy to occupy a dominant role. Sometimes this situation is provoked by subconscious copying of the family model of their parents.
• Growing up, such people learn to take responsibility for their actions, begin to listen to the wishes of loved ones and compromise. In this case, over the years, the wife has a desire to improve relations with her ex-husband after a divorce, and the man, in turn, aspires to his former family.
• Fourth type couples terribly afraid of loneliness. Moreover, a woman usually believes that it is better to be with someone than alone. A man doesn't want to serious relationship with other representatives of the fair sex, motivating their behavior by the fact that all new relationships are much worse than the previous ones.
• The fifth category includes spouses who do not know how to deal with life's difficulties on their own. It’s hard for some to raise children, others have lost their jobs, and still others are in debt on a loan. They are all trying to get along with former halves thus avoiding trouble.

Is it worth rekindling a relationship?

Even more desire resuming a relationship with an ex-husband after a divorce or with a wife is not a guarantee of success.

In some cases, such actions are obviously doomed to failure.

If there is no way to get to him for a consultation, then it would be nice to visit the forum on the Internet. This will allow you to consult with people who have already experienced a similar situation, and analyze other people's mistakes.

To start, each married couple must honestly answer to himself the question of the reason for the intention to renew the relationship.

If one of the spouses is guided by the fear of being alone, the aspirations to change the partner in better side or simply annoyance that there is no one better, then such a family reunion is doomed to failure in advance.

Nothing good will come of the intention to create for a child complete family. It is unlikely that he will be happy, because children very subtly feel insincerity. The kid will simply notice the suffering of adults, and then transfer this family model to his own marriage.

You need to understand that both should strive to renew the family. former spouse otherwise they won't succeed. The likelihood of a happy outcome can significantly increase a new round of relationships. In some cases official registration marriage is a great stimulus for civil husband and wives.