The crisis of three years in what is expressed. How to cope with the crisis of three years in a child

The crisis of three years scares or at least confuses many parents. A three-year-old baby can turn into a whining monster who wants nothing and does everything in defiance. At some point, it begins to seem to adults that the child is testing their nervous system for strength and testing the limit of patience. He must be urgently re-educated and put on the right path! The older generation, our dear grandparents, can even intimidate parents. They sternly warn them that if they lose a child now, they will have to regret it later.

What exactly is this “terrible” crisis of 3 years?

In psychology, the crisis of three years is one of the five age-related childhood crises. Parents encounter the first at 4-6 weeks of a baby's life, then at 1-2 years, 3-4, 6-8 and 12-14 years. Since all children develop differently, the time frame is somewhat arbitrary, and the crisis itself clearly manifests itself for only a few months.

For example, a crisis of 3 years can begin at 2.5 years, and at 3.5. It all depends on the nature and temperament of the child and the conditions in which he grows up.

Often it is the crisis of three years that manifests itself very brightly and violently, so it is not surprising that parents complain about “unbearable three-year-olds” without exception. Adults expect obedience and perseverance from a grown-up baby, but he refuses to do even what he always liked.

Crisis 3 years: signs and features

When a child is three years old, a new phase in his development begins. Psychologists call it the age of obstinacy. Parents can recognize this age crisis by a number of symptoms:

• the child does the opposite of what is required of him;
• shows miracles of stubbornness and does not give up his “no” even if he really wants to agree;
• wants to do everything himself and refuses help, even to the point of hysteria;
• the baby can become rude and pugnacious;
• does not recognize the word "no";
• the child's tastes and mood change dramatically;
• wants to be done just the way he wants.

All these signs are not a sign of bad upbringing or parental mistakes. All children go through this stage. It's just that some preschoolers experience it more violently, while others experience it less painfully.

Crisis 3 years: how long does it last

A crisis is a temporary phenomenon, but it begins and lasts very individually. Some of the children survive it at 2.5, someone at 4 years. Usually the acute period of tantrums and negativism lasts for several months. The actions and attitudes of the parents towards the child have a great influence on the duration of the crisis.

But the most important thing is not how long the crisis lasts for 3 years. Much more important is how it can affect parent-child relationships.

Causes of the crisis 3 years

Psychologist L. Vygotsky says that children at this age begin to realize their "I", they are looking for their place in the family, hence the test of parents for strength and the limits of what is permitted. He describes the crisis of three years as follows:

“This is a protest of a child demanding independence, having outgrown those norms and forms of guardianship that were formed at an early age. These symptoms indicate increased activity and independence, they revolve around the “I” axis and the people around the child - attitudes towards these people and their own personality change. There is a leap towards social separation from close adults.”

The main reason for the three-year crisis is the transition to a new level of consciousness. In the first two years of his life, the baby did not separate himself from his mother, but now he began to realize himself as a person. And, like any person, the child begins to defend his boundaries and his own opinion. A three-year-old child does it the way he knows how: cries, is naughty, rude, insolent, resists.

The child, discovering that he and his parents are not one, gradually comes to the conclusion that he can do a lot and has his own desires. But he does not know what to do with all this and cannot cope without the help of his parents.

Here, it is important for parents and other relatives to know not only about the signs of a crisis of three years, but also its positive aspects. This gives an answer to the question why all this is happening to my child and what should we do.

The crisis of 3 years is a stage in the development of the child, which he needs in order to:

• realize your “I” and place in the family (I am a child, mom and dad are the main ones, they protect and love);
• learn to be independent;
• try your hand at something new;
• develop your will.

The essence of this period of tantrums and constant “I don’t want to” is the development of independence and perseverance in achieving the goal. Everything that adults require from a teenager is laid precisely in the period of 3-4 years.

As you can see, the little rebel is going through an important age period and is in great need of parental understanding. He learns to live in a world where not everyone wants what he wants.

Unfortunately, often parents see the crisis only from the negative side. They are sure that the child is doing it out of spite, specifically to annoy and piss them off. In such families, a real war begins, where the child is unconsciously declared an enemy. They can shout at him, accuse, threaten, use physical punishment and try to re-educate him in every possible way, asking where their obedient baby has gone.

In this case, the crisis becomes the cause of the deterioration of the relationship between the child and the parent and does little to contribute to the development of the child. The famous psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya says that the crisis of three years tests not only parental patience, but also affection:

“With every blow and shout there is a devaluation of affection. One of the threads in the rope breaks. From the image of the parent, as a source of protection and care, a small piece falls off. Attachment has a large margin of safety, nothing will happen at once. And for five. And for ten. How long it will take, no one knows. No one can calculate how many times your child will have enough of such cases when, for the sake of momentary obedience, you left the role of someone who protects and cares, and began to beat, yell, threaten, leave. How many repetitions does he need in order to lose a sense of security next to you, trust in you, in order to continue to maintain affection and natural obedience. You can make the TV with a punch right now to earn better. But it can't be fixed. And each blow brings closer the moment when a useless heap of details remains from a complex device.

In this video, Lyudmila Petranovskaya tells how to stand up to parents in this difficult period

So, what to do to survive the crisis of three years and help the child? Do not indulge him in everything?

Indeed, the parental model of behavior, where adults do everything so that the child does not cry or say with irritation, “Take it, just leave me alone!” Is also not the best option. A parent, first of all, must remain a caring and loving adult who plays a major role in the parent-child relationship. But this does not exclude flexibility and sympathy in conflict situations.

If the parents can’t find a compromise with the baby in any way, they don’t have the patience to cope with children’s tantrums, then it’s better to contact a psychologist who will suggest a way out of this situation.

11 tips to help you get through the period of obstinacy and negativism

1. Respect the child's right to autonomy and choice. It is really important for him to try to do something himself. As long as it doesn't endanger the child's life or the health of others, let the child decide what to wear, what to play with, or what to have for breakfast.
2. Remain calm during conflicts. Remember that you are an adult, and in front of you is just a child who needs your sympathy and love. There are various ways to reduce the intensity of passions during a tantrum (distract attention or wait it out), but do not require the child to immediately stop everything and turn back into a smiling baby. Let him go through his grief and sympathize with him if your “no” is an iron rule.
3. In the family, adhere to a single upbringing tactic so that the child does not learn to manipulate.
4. Don't scold your child for mistakes. Help him fix them. It is impossible to learn something if you do everything right at once. Mistakes are part of growing up.
5. Do not punish your child with your coldness and deprivation of love. For a three-year-old kid, this is an unbearable burden. Children should always be sure that their parents will love them no matter what.
6. Do not lecture your child and do not try to teach the rules of behavior when the child is hysterical or upset. Wait until the heat of passion subsides and in a calm atmosphere talk about what could have been done in that situation (or how to do the right thing).
7. Avoid physical punishment. There have been many studies that talk about their harm to the child's psyche. It has been proven that they do not teach anything and destroy the child's trust in parents. Finally, remember that the strong do not beat the weak.
8. Don't be afraid to apologize to your child. A parent does not have to be perfect at all, but always maintain peace and calm when a child yells and demands his own - from the realm of fantasy. But he can come to the child and ask for forgiveness for being wrong (and this happens very often) or lost his temper. This is how adults show that everything is in order with their relationship with the child, and they, too, can make mistakes and admit their guilt. Remember that the child takes an example from the parents.
9. Be flexible. Of course, the child must have rules that cannot be broken. But in other cases, sometimes there may be exceptions when the baby may have freedom of action.
10. Remember that at the age of 3-4 years, it is important for a child to communicate with peers. Help him learn to make friends and resolve conflicts with other children.
11. Let your child feed on your love: play, cuddle, joke, have a joint weekend, tell him about your love.

The crisis of three years is a difficult period for the whole family. The child begins to separate from the parents and takes the first steps in independence. This program is inherent in him by nature, so the baby, although he is afraid, rebels and defends himself. How parents react to protests and conflicts will determine how acutely the child will experience this crisis and what he will be able to learn.

So the sleepless nights, endless motion sickness and anxiety about the health of the baby were left behind. Fortunately, he eats on his own, walks, runs and is already asking a lot of questions. Funny stories, statements of children, parents immediately try to capture. Funny walks in the park, gatherings in a cafe or short excursions - all this can be afforded by parents of children of three years old.

The crisis of 3 years can come in 2.5 and 3.5 years

But another stage is coming, no less difficult - the period of a child crisis of 3 years and how should parents behave now in order to survive these trials as quickly as possible?

Even the most accommodating and hospitable child can turn into an eternally dissatisfied, stubborn and aching creature. It's all about the crisis! The kid suddenly refuses to comply with the requests or orders of his parents, behave inappropriately, throw himself on the floor, fall into hysterics and demand that everyone obey his requirements. Why not a terrorist? Sometimes even the most patient parents give up and in a panic fulfill all the whims, so long as their child does not cry.

The child is dissatisfied with everything and constantly cries

Fortunately, the three-year-old child crisis is a passing phenomenon, especially if you approach this issue competently and figure out what are the reasons that cause such inappropriate behavior of the child.

Having prepared for it in advance, parents will not only be able to endure all the whims of the baby with minimal mental losses for themselves, but will also help the child overcome these difficulties. In fact, this crisis is not due to the excessive stubbornness of the child, it is associated with misunderstanding and ignorance of how to behave in unknown living conditions, how to adapt to this new stage?

What are the symptoms, how does the behavior of children 3 years old change?

The symptoms that characterize the crisis appear in many preschool children. Excessive stubbornness, denial of everything - this is evidence of the beginning of this difficult stage. The crisis does not visit the child at a clearly defined time, seizures can begin long before the age of three or after it, before the start of the school period. It all depends on the personal development of the child.

What is a crisis

The following behavior indicates the beginning of the crisis of three years:

• the child becomes hysterical, even for no particular reason;
• joint shopping becomes unbearable, he constantly demands to buy something for himself. Otherwise, parents are waiting for a "demonstration performance" with sobs and rolling on the floor;
• constantly trying to cross the border of what is permitted, to check the reaction of adults, does not respond to prohibitions or requests, the concept of “no” does not exist for him;
• on a walk, he can run away in the opposite direction of movement and hide;
• answers all proposals negatively, he does not like everything, he does not want to obey;
• tries to dress and eat on his own, but when faced with difficulties or obstacles, throws a tantrum;
• attempts to talk with the child do not end with a positive result; in any case, he does everything in his own way.

What are the reasons for this behaviour?

At the age of 3, the child realizes that he is an independent person. Gradually, the personal "I" is separated from parental care.

Crisis 3 years - the child does not want to listen to anything

Your desires must be defended for the sake of satisfying children's needs. Most often, the behavior of the child is demonstratively; in front of everyone, he can throw a tantrum because of a trifling reason or without it at all. Such tyrannical behavior causes a lot of anxiety in parents. In some cases, it turns into irritation or assault. However, we must not forget that such behavior is not at all aimed at deliberately upsetting adults, annoying them. The child simply does not know other behaviors in order to assert himself and prove to everyone that he is also a person with his own character and desires.

Crisis 3 years - a list of symptoms

How should parents behave?

Advice to parents will help to overcome all the negative manifestations of this period, they will teach you how to behave properly with a three-year-old child.

Keeping the right balance

The critical three-year crisis is the time when parents need to learn how to strike the right balance. You should not remake the child, “break” his psyche, adjusting it to your needs. By oppressing the baby with punishments or moralizing, insults, we drive the problem even further, and do not allow it to be resolved. It is more expedient to switch the child's attention to something else during a tantrum. If you can't distract him, it's best to wait it out. Then, in a calm atmosphere, you need to discuss the problem with him, explain that such behavior is very upsetting for dad and mom, and it is unacceptable to behave like that in society.

A child's tantrum is the most common manifestation of a crisis of 3 years

Giving choice

The desire to independently decide and choose is what takes possession of the child during the crisis of three years.

Tips for parents will help to quickly and effectively eliminate all negative manifestations of the baby's behavior. After all, it’s not difficult to ask the baby for advice during a walk: “Where will we go first - on the slides or swings?” Or let him decide on his own what to eat for breakfast: porridge or a sandwich. So he will feel like a full-fledged member of the family with his desires and needs.

Playing with contradiction is a clever parenting maneuver best used in extreme cases. For example, if a child is reluctant to go to kindergarten, whines, you can say that today he does not go there. Then the child, out of stubbornness, will say: “No, I will go!” Emphasizing that today you are fulfilling his request, say that another time it will be his turn to fulfill yours.

The main message of the crisis of 3 years: I myself

Accepting your "I"

And parents should help the child in this. The main thing is not to switch to insults and humiliation of the dignity of the baby. You need to criticize the behavior of the child, not him personally. With all the temporary difficulties, the baby should feel the care and love of adults. It is better to emphasize this at every opportunity. It is necessary to praise the child, especially if he completed the task or his behavior during the day was satisfactory.

Help from experts

In extreme cases, when educators and parents are unable to cope with the consequences of a 3-year-old crisis in children, psychologists will tell you how to behave. Turning to the help of specialists, you can find the right solution in a given situation. Many practicing psychologists have extensive experience in this area, they will always help, give the right advice on how to overcome the difficulties that accompany this period.

The negativism of 3-year-old children is one of the manifestations of the crisis

In any case, parents will need a lot of patience, calmness and a positive attitude.

How long does the crisis of three years last?

The duration of this period is individual for each child and largely depends on the reaction of parents to children's behavior.

Some children quickly go through all the difficulties of the stage, others suffer for a long time, trying to prove to others their independence.

In any case, the crisis of 3 years is considered the starting point for the formation of personality, therefore the suggested tips and the correct behavior of adults based on them will help to effectively cope with all the difficulties and overcome these difficult times.

The crisis of three years is one of the most difficult and significant periods in a person's life. It can be considered the starting point of personality formation. This is a crisis of social relations, since it affects not only the development of the child himself, but also marks the transition to a new stage in relationships with others. Therefore, during this period it is not easy for everyone - both the baby himself and his parents.

An obedient and calm child suddenly turns into an uncontrollable and violent opponent of all previous attitudes. Beloved baby tests the strength of the nervous system of parents, arranges real tests for their patience and love. This behavior drives adults crazy, they are at a loss and do not know how to proceed.

However, it is important for loved ones to understand that their baby is also not easy now.

Negativity, stubbornness is not just a desire to annoy parents. This is an expression of the "I" of the child, his autonomy. At this age, children cannot yet control their emotions due to the physiological characteristics of the body, they do not know how to constructively express feelings.

An example of attitude to the situation should be shown by an adult who is nearby. But sometimes unenlightened parents themselves do not understand what to do, and choose such methods of education that only exacerbate the situation. Having understood the reasons for the conflict behavior of the child and having built the right tactics for communicating with him, adults will be able to significantly smooth out all the negative manifestations of the crisis.

Causes of the crisis 3 years

At this age stage, by his behavior, the child tries to separate his "I" from the parent. The kid can already understand the difference between "I must" and "I want." However, he has yet to learn how to correlate "I want" with "should" and "shouldn't". The child has a clash of the need to act on his own and the need to meet the requirements of an adult. There is a tension between "I want" and "I can". In these contradictions lies the cause of the crisis of three years.

Psychological picture of the crisis of three years

The crisis of three years has no clear boundaries of beginning and end. The approximate time frame for the onset of symptoms is 2-3.5 years. The acute interest of the child in himself can tell about the approach of the crisis. He looks at himself in the mirror, watches his shadow, is puzzled by his appearance and how he looks in the eyes of other people. During this period, many children begin to react sharply to failure: they throw toys and objects, beat themselves and close adults.

The crisis of three years is often manifested in the demonstrative behavior of the child. He expresses dissatisfaction with tantrums and whims. Such a reaction can be to any previously habitual action of the parents. To all the questions and suggestions of an adult, the baby has one answer - “no!”. However, this behavior of the child is considered the norm for this age. And this must be understood and accepted.

The crisis of three years is characterized by a clear specific symptomatology, which is called the "seven star of the crisis of three years", since these symptoms manifest themselves clearly and in aggregate.

1. Negativism

Negativisim is the most obvious symptom of this crisis. This is a reaction not to the content of the sentence, but to the fact that it comes from an adult. Especially if this proposal is made in an authoritarian tone. The child specifically does not comply with the requests of the parents. He strives to do the opposite, contrary to an adult, even contrary to his desires.

2. Stubbornness

Stubbornness is manifested in the child's insistence on his own. It is impossible to convince him. He decided so and he does not accept other options.

3. Obstinacy

Expressed in dissatisfaction with everything that adults offer him, with which the child has dealt before. This is not a reaction to a specific person, but in general a rejection of the established rules of behavior in the family, daily routine and other conditions.

4. Willfulness

It is about striving for independence. Psychologists often refer to this stage in development as the "I myself!" crisis. The child wants to decide for himself where to go, what to eat for lunch, when to go to bed, what game to play. This desire he reinforces verbally. The most popular phrase of this age: "I myself!". In itself, the tendency to independence is a sign of age-appropriate development. Thus, the child tests his abilities, satisfies the need for knowledge.

5. Protest riot

It manifests itself in the form of frequent quarrels with parents. The child objects to everything that adults say to him. The kid wants his wishes and opinions to be taken seriously. If this is not the case, a conflict begins, which can be provoked by absolutely any situation.

6. Depreciation

Devaluation, as a symptom of a crisis, is expressed in the child's speech and actions in relation to significant adults and favorite things. Everything that was interesting and dear to the child before, during this period of life loses its significance and value. Abusive words may appear in the baby's vocabulary, with which he begins to call his parents names. Some babies show physical aggression towards mom or dad, refuse favorite toys or break them.

7. Despotism

The kid considers himself the most important in the family and strives to completely control his parents. He seeks to fulfill his requirements by any means. If mom is busy with household chores, she should drop everything and just sit next to me. If she does not fulfill the requirements of the baby, he uses his entire arsenal: he begins to whimper, be mean, scatter things around the house, that is, do everything to attract the attention of his mother. In families with several children, this symptom is called a symptom of jealousy, which is manifested by whims, aggression directed at the brother (sister) and parents.

The crisis of three years is among the acute ones. And this can be seen from its vivid symptoms that accompany this stage in the development of the vast majority of children.

But sometimes this critical period can pass almost imperceptibly for parents. There is an opinion of psychologists that this may not have the best effect on the development of the child's personality and may even lead to a delay in the development of the volitional sphere. However, in a development crisis, the main thing is not how it proceeds, but what it leads to. The manifestation of independence, will, interest in the knowledge of the environment are signs that development corresponds to age norms.

Neoplasms of the crisis

Psychologists say that behind every negative symptom, a positive content is hidden. Indeed, the formation of a new level of self-awareness, the desire for independence, the development of volitional qualities, cognitive activity, and the establishment of new relationships with others can be considered positive personal acquisitions.

The main neoplasm of the crisis is the emergence of the “I system”.

The child develops the position “I myself!”, the feelings “I want”, “I can”, “I must”. During this period, many children begin to use the pronoun "I" in speech. Prior to this, the child spoke of himself in the third person (“Tyoma is playing”, “Tyoma is coming”).

The emergence of the “I system” stimulates the emergence of the desire to be good. The child wants to act as he wants, but at the same time, he strives to meet the requirements of significant adults. This leads to the development of will, a sense of responsibility. During this period, the importance of a positive assessment by parents of personal achievements, the success of children is great. It is impossible to show indifference or to consider as a trifle even the smallest achievements of the child. It is in the eyes of an adult that acquiring the ability to put on a hat, build a tower from a constructor is a trifle. For the baby, this is the most important event - he did it himself! To praise a child, to emphasize his independence means to instill confidence in his abilities.

How to survive the crisis of three years

Despite the external negative coloring of the crisis state, you should not be afraid of it. Crisis is a natural phenomenon in the development of the human psyche. However, how it will proceed, how long it will last and how the child will come out of it, depends on the behavior of parents in relation to children. Most often, a vivid manifestation of the symptoms of a crisis of three years takes place where adults simply did not notice that the child had grown up and did not change their approach to education in time.

Show patience and love in your relationship with your child

Patience for parents is the most important quality. To be patient means to respond to all the actions of the child without disruption and irritation, to remain calm and confident in their actions. Annoyed, adults will only teach the baby that losing his temper is quite normal. The patience of parents will help the child gain self-confidence.

To be patient is to be a loving parent. It is vital for a baby to know and feel that he is loved. Adults should be ready to accept the child in any condition and instill in him the confidence that he is good, despite temporary difficulties with behavior. You always need to evaluate the perfect deed, but not the child himself. If he did everything that an adult asked him to do, it is necessary to praise the baby for his efforts. At the same time, emphasize that he is obedient and everything is fine with him. When a child feels that he is understood and accepted, then it is easier for him to cope with difficulties, and sometimes he deviates from his requirements.

Avoid authoritarian and overprotective parenting styles

There must be a balance between restrictions and permissiveness. Too rigid and strict upbringing breaks the child, suppresses his activity and independence. Psychologists believe that this style of parenting is unsafe for children. Excessive restrictions on the independence of the child, constant punishment and ridicule of attempts at independence can lead to lack of initiative, loss of interest in learning, and a lag in the development of volitional qualities. In addition, high authoritarianism in relationships with children prevents the formation of an adequate self-esteem of the child.

Overprotection is just as dangerous for children as authoritarianism. Because of their concern for the baby, parents significantly limit the freedom of action of the child, and thus do not allow him to fully develop. Passivity, self-doubt, inability to make decisions on their own and find a way out of a difficult situation are the consequences of excessive guardianship of a person in childhood. In addition, children feel very much parental anxiety, which eventually passes to the child and manifests itself in the form of various fears.

In families where the child is the center of everything, acute conflicts in parent-child relationships are often observed, and the symptoms of the crisis are most pronounced. Where parents give their children enough freedom for activities, do not stifle them with excessive care or punishment, the child does not need to fight with them. To provide at this age stage the opportunity to act independently means to support his new idea of ​​himself as a self-sufficient person.

Adhere to a single educational position

All adults involved in the upbringing of a child should make the same demands. It should not be such that mom forbids something, and grandmother allows it. Consistency in requirements is also important. If some action is prohibited, then let it always be prohibited - both today and tomorrow. Consistency and consistency in the requirements will help the child more easily adapt to the new rules and comply with them. Otherwise, the baby will get confused in permissions and prohibitions, which will inevitably lead to conflicts.

You need to tune in to the fact that the baby will have to repeatedly explain why and for what this or that rule exists.

Here, parents will have to show restraint and demonstrate calm confidence in their behavior. You need to talk with the child on an equal footing, without raising your voice. It is important to remember that the requirements must correspond to the age characteristics of the baby. Sometimes the expectations of parents related to the behavior of the child can drastically diverge from what he is capable of at a given period of life.

Consider the opinion of the child

The child grows up, he has his own opinion, desires and interests. In order for the baby to grow up as a self-sufficient person, he needs at some point to separate “his” from the “parent”. Therefore, it is necessary to respect the desire of the child to act on his own discretion, to have his own opinion and keep his word. No need to try to "break" the will of the baby and insist on your own in any situation. Sometimes you can give in to the child and let him make his own decision. Thus, he will gain important experience in defending his interests.

So that conflicts do not flare up for any reason, the child must feel that adults communicate with him on an equal footing. He needs to be given the right to choose. Of course, the choice of a baby may not always suit an adult, especially if it concerns his safety. Then parents can go for a little trick and create a situation of a false choice. For example, it is windy outside, and the child does not want to wear a hat. Mom needs to approach him with the question: “Which hat do you want to wear - blue or green?”. In this situation, it is important that the baby still wears a hat, no matter what color it is. At the same time, the mother is also interested in the opinion of the child when fulfilling the rule. This method is applicable in almost all areas of activity. You can be interested in the opinion of the child when choosing the way to the store, what to cook for dinner, what T-shirt to buy for him. And even if these are trifles, it is very important for the baby that adults are interested in his opinion.

The way out of the conflict situation can be the search for a compromise solution, when the interests of both the adult and the child are taken into account. For example, you can invite him to watch one episode of the cartoon and go for a walk, and upon returning home, watch the series he likes. So the child will understand that the conflict can be resolved peacefully, without tantrums.

Support the initiative of the child, the desire for independence and independence

To provide at this age stage the opportunity to act independently means to support his new idea of ​​himself as a self-sufficient person. During this period, it is necessary to restructure relations with the child on the basis of greater equality than it was before. Everything that the child can do and does not harm, let him do it on his own. Where he still cannot cope on his own, you can offer help, but not do everything for him, but show, teach. You can’t scoff at the failure of the baby and say things like “I told you that none of this would work.” So the child will feel broken and lose interest in learning new things. Every day the baby will expand the circle of his skills and affairs with which he can cope on his own. This will help develop self-confidence. At the same time, its independence must be emphasized. Children like it very much. They are inspired to new activities.

Some dissatisfaction of the child during this period is an important part of the process of becoming a person. If the child is stubborn and does not want to do what the parents offer him, you should stop trying to captivate the child with some kind of activity. Let him be alone and do what he wants. Soon the baby will get bored, and he will come to his parents. Then he can be offered everything that he refused before. This should be done unobtrusively, without excessive enthusiasm, as if by chance, so as not to provoke the child's refusal again.

Use role-playing as a way to overcome a crisis

When the desires of the baby far exceed the real possibilities, you can find a way out in a role-playing game, which becomes the leading activity from the age of three. In the game, the child is closely connected with the social world of adults. Here he can practice independence and independence and act on his own.

The role-playing game reflects social ties, rules and norms of behavior in society, ways of interacting with people. This area is interesting for the child at this age stage, and parents will be able to use it as a tool for education and upbringing.

Teaching your child to express feelings in words

At the age of three, children do not always understand how they feel in a given situation and why they do it. They have a hard time controlling their emotions. But it is very important to teach it. Otherwise, the child will express them with whims or aggression. The inability to recognize one's feelings disrupts contact with oneself. At the same time, the baby is not able to understand what exactly he feels, but what he would really like. The child is confused and does not understand how to behave.

The only way to learn how to express emotions in words is through the example of adults.

They should talk about their feelings in front of the child. In this case, you need to use simple words that the baby understands so that he understands what is at stake (for example, “I am angry”, “I am disappointed”). You can use comparisons with objects or animals.

If parents do not always manage to control their emotions in the presence of a child, then it is necessary to apologize, ask for forgiveness for rude behavior, tell in detail about how they felt and why they behaved that way.

Stop aggressive behavior towards others

Such manifestations of the crisis as despotism and depreciation do not have a positive impact on the further development of the child. Therefore, it is better to stop attempts of such behavior in the bud. If a child during a conflict begins to fight or call his parents names, then here you need to show your displeasure. He must understand that he is doing something wrong. But this does not mean that you need to scold the child. It is better to show with facial expressions or intonation that this is unpleasant and insulting, and this behavior upsets parents.

Sometimes adults, in order to avoid conflicts, yield to the child and obey his desires. But this is a road to nowhere. The kid will get used to this state of affairs and will expect that everything in this world should be the way he wants. So that this does not end in great disappointment, it is better to immediately set reasonable limits so that the child understands that each person is a separate person with his own needs and desires. It is important for parents to learn to separate the true needs of the child from those that are more a manifestation of the authoritarian qualities of the child. And in such cases, say “no” to your child, strictly, but gently.

If necessary, seek help from specialists

When parents do not cope with the situation on their own, it is better to turn to a psychologist. It will help to find the right actions in specific situations, and to establish contact with the child.

These recommendations are more aimed at correcting the behavior of parents in relation to children and preventing the manifestation of negative symptoms of the crisis. They serve to prevent conflicts in parent-child relationships.

However, no family is immune from children's whims. Even if parents reconsider their approach to raising a growing child in a timely manner, from time to time adults are faced with a sudden tantrum. Various methods and techniques that experienced parents successfully use will help to cope with the situation. However, you need to understand that all children are different. And what helped one mother in communicating with her child may not work in another family. Therefore, here the work is carried out by trial and error, until a suitable way is found to deal with whims and tantrums.

How to behave to parents when the tantrum is in full swing

Hysteria arises where there are prohibitions and restrictions. But raising children in permissiveness is also impossible. There are situations when it is better for a child to say “no!”. The scale of the reaction to rejection can be very different: from a short cry to rolling on the floor. Therefore, parents should be attentive and be able to anticipate provoking situations and try to avoid them. For example, a baby sees a large glass goblet and wants to play with it. But this is not safe: if the glass breaks, the baby may get hurt. Parents understand this and refuse the child. Rejection provokes hysteria. In this case, it would be better to remove an object that is interesting, but unsafe for the child, from his field of vision.

If the tantrum has already begun, you can adhere to the following recommendations:

• Parents should remain calm and not draw the attention of the child to the tantrum.
• You can not yell at the child and beat him. From this he will not calm down, but on the contrary, the hysteria will intensify.
• Do not pay attention to the sidelong glances of the people around you. No matter how it looks from the outside, such behavior for a small child is the norm.
• If possible, it is better to retire with the child. Strangers are very fond of advising what to do, or they may try to help the mother calm the baby, thereby causing an even greater outburst of emotions in the child.
• Don't tell your child to calm down. It is better to pronounce his emotional state in a calm and confident tone: “I see how upset you are because I did not allow you ... You are very angry because of this,” etc.
• If the situation allows, it is better to let the baby fully live out his feelings and not block them - only in this way he will learn to understand and manage them. But there are situations in which it is better to help the child calm down. Then you can try to switch the attention of the baby, for example, to some bright object that can interest the child. If it doesn’t work out, you just need to wait until the child calms down or try to find a compromise solution together.
• When the tantrum passes, it is imperative to discuss the situation with the baby, ask what he felt at that moment, show him how to express emotions in another way.

The kid, who had barely reached the age of three, suddenly changed before our eyes. The character of the child, which the parents considered "golden", suddenly deteriorated. An obedient and accommodating child will be stubborn, protest and throw tantrums over any trifle. He is constantly self-willed and tries to achieve his goal at any cost. What should parents do with a little tyrant, how to respond to such attacks?

The crisis of 3 years is a very difficult stage

First you need to calm down, do not panic. All negative manifestations in the behavior of the child are a manifestation of the crisis of three years. Scandals and asserting independence are the main characteristics of behavior.

Why does the crisis come at this particular age?

Psychology has defined the children's transitional period of three years as the third in a row (the first two - in one month and a year). Each critical period has its own characteristics. Entire books have been written about the manifestations and features of such phenomena. This article considers situations that arise in the third problem period.

At the age of three, the child tries to leave the custody of his parents.

At the very beginning, it should be noted that a child at the age of three years has a change in relationships with the environment. The main characteristic of this period is the change in social adaptation. Psychology determines that during this period the process of formation of the psyche begins. Knowing this fact, adults should consider all life situations in the life of their offspring, taking into account age-related changes.

Crisis age limit of three years

The reasons for all the difficulties in communicating with the baby is that the child has begun to realize himself.

At 3 years old, the child begins to realize his Self.

Signs of a Crisis Coming

Psychology has singled out the symptoms of a crisis of three years in the amount of seven components. Any article on the psychology of this age category can tell about them. Literary sources, books on psychology do not disagree on the classification of symptoms. Characteristics of the symptoms are discussed below.

Symptoms of a crisis of 3 years - the main 6

Children's negativity. Its signs must be distinguished from simple disobedience. Often there are situations when a child shows an unwillingness to do something, for example, to put a toy back in its place. The fact that the baby did not obey is a reaction to the words. Negativism, on the other hand, implies such situations when children do not obey not all adults, but an individual.

Manifestations of negativism are the most striking

Stubbornness is called the second sign. Do not confuse stubbornness with perseverance - they have nothing in common. Perseverance is not the worst quality of a child. It is bad if it develops into stubbornness, when the child insists on his own, not because he really wants this particular item or food, but because he wants to achieve his goal at any cost. In such a situation, you can not give in to him.

Stubbornness can have negative consequences

Psychology scientifically substantiates that stubbornness develops into childish despotism. If, from the age of three, a child is allowed to rule in the family, to subordinate adults to his whims, then a tyrant will grow out of him, who will poison the life of his relatives. More than one article of researchers of child psychology is devoted to this problem.

Despotism is the desire of a three-year-old child to subordinate adults to his whims. Children literally mock adults: the son demands that his mother sit next to him when he plays, the daughter does not want to eat carrots or cottage cheese, but only demands “snacks”. But the most important thing, and the most terrible thing, is that the despot child demands that everything be done at his first request.

The crisis of three years is a test for parents

Manifestations of the crisis of 3 years in a child during this period are also expressed in the fact that events and actions are depreciated. Attitude to important things and requirements are expressed in antics. He begins calling other children and even adults names, deliberately breaking toys out of harm. He subconsciously (at the age of three he still cannot realize!) provokes situations that put him in opposition to others.

Antics - one of the manifestations of the crisis

A three-year-old kid, being in a situation of constant confrontation with the external environment, suffers himself. Psychology says that such behavior is a protest. The vocabulary of a child in this state expands very quickly. But it is not replenished with the words that parents would like to teach their baby. Alas, most often this is a lexicon consisting of not good words. The denial of everything that is offered is the main characteristic of the state of a three-year-old baby.

Main Not in three years

Another feature that is characteristic of a crisis state is obstinacy. Psychology believes that obstinacy is one of the most severe signs of a crisis in a child.

Children develop stubbornness and disobedience

Obstinacy is not a manifestation of negativism aimed specifically at some situations, against specific individuals. Obstinacy in this case is a characteristic of the negative attitude of the child to the world and the entire environment.

Rebellion is expressed in riots. It's an intense desire to be the center of attention. By rebelling, the little man shows the family that his opinions and desires are just as important as those of the rest. The main reasons for riots are the desire to express themselves. It often seems to parents that a three-year-old child consciously decides to mock, constantly demanding something and proving that his stupid desires must be fulfilled immediately. There is no awareness here, there is a desire to declare oneself, to achieve attention.

The crisis of three years is sharply expressed in the desire of a small person to be independent.

At this age, conflicts with other children appear.

The kid shows curiosity, strives to learn new things, to understand things that are incomprehensible to him, which in the future will favorably affect personal formation. But the problem and trouble is that the little one strives to do adult things, but at such a young age nothing comes of it. The result of this is a roar and hysteria.

At this age, the child often breaks and spoils everything.

A crisis is not always negative. The reasons for such a crisis are the transition to a new level of personality formation.

Those phenomena that are characteristic of the crisis of three years, most likely, will shock the majority of happy parents whose children have not reached the crisis period. You have to be ready, but there is absolutely no need to feel fear. Faced with similar phenomena in the behavior of a child, one must be firmly aware that external, not very pleasant manifestations are the reverse side of positive personality changes that make up the meaning of any crisis transition.

The main requirement is that I will do everything myself.

In each period of a child's development there is a very special feature that is acceptable only for this age. These features are designed to ensure that the child comprehends the world and learns to be aware of himself. The period that was experienced before the crisis is becoming a thing of the past, giving way to a new stage in the knowledge of the world. That's what psychology says. One should not argue with science - therefore, one must understand and accept a new stage in the life of a baby. His personality develops, his character is formed, the whole organism, both physically and mentally, conducts constructive work on himself.

What to do around?

Gain calmness and once again calmness ...

The main manifestations of the crisis that worry parents are "affective outbursts" - tantrums, bitter tears, unreasonable whims. Of course, such phenomena can also be present in stable situations, but they are not prolonged and are not characterized by high intensity. Adults should be advised to do the following: do nothing and do not make decisions until the capricious person becomes calm. Children at this age respond very well to some new phenomena in their lives - whether it be a toy, a book or a new cartoon - all this will provide an opportunity to distract the child.

The main thing is to keep calm

Tip: if you don’t try, then you don’t know - let the child make mistakes in front of you.

Try to gently warn him, even if he does not perceive your words. But he hears them. Having received a negative experience, having made a mistake, realizing that you are right, the baby will listen at least a little next time. In the future, such lessons will help him overcome problems.

But ... parents must learn to recognize in their little one a person, a person. It is believed (real situations were studied) that if parents show restrictions on independence, the child is ridiculed, then he develops shame for his inability, awkwardness, misunderstanding. The child loses self-confidence.

Read this guide for parents

How to be? Give a choice, allow you to learn from your mistakes and ... play. In games, the child learns to model situations and solve problems. This is how the crisis of three years passes most painlessly.