I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide. Why do you want to get a divorce? Sufficient grounds for divorce

Divorce from a husband is an extremely painful situation for most women. Many women are so afraid of this step that they cannot decide to divorce, even when married life becomes unbearable. Why are women so afraid of such changes in life?

Because as a result of divorce:

1. Raising children falls entirely on the mother. Many women do not want to subsequently feel guilty in front of their children, so they endure until the last moment, as long as the children have a father.
2. Relatives and friends may condemn a woman who decides to divorce her husband, or even stop communicating with her altogether, taking the side of her husband. But not every woman has the courage to resist the attacks and condemnation of loved ones.
3. A woman does not dare decide to take such a step, since it may be difficult for her to do without the financial support of her husband. Especially if before the divorce she was fully supported by him.
4. The loneliness that follows as a result of a breakup with a spouse causes severe psychological discomfort in women. In addition, it is unpleasant to move from the category “ married woman» to the category « ».

Yes, divorcing your husband is not easy... For this you really need good reasons. Unfortunately, in some cases, the implementation of such a serious task is the only opportunity for a woman to maintain her physical and psychological health.

Sufficient grounds for divorce

Alcohol or drug addiction of the husband A man who has an alcohol or drug addiction gradually becomes an antisocial person and cannot fully fulfill his family functions. A woman who has a husband who is an alcoholic or drug addict should think about what it’s like for her children to see their dad in this condition every day! Physical violence by husband rather a woman who is beaten by her husband, decides to break up with him and submits a corresponding application - so much the better for both herself and her children! No, and it can't be good reason, according to which a woman must endure beatings from her husband. Moral terror on the part of the husband Some husbands never beat their wives, but they constantly abuse them morally: they insult, humiliate, ignore them. This husband’s attitude gradually undermines the woman’s psychological health - her self-esteem drops, neuroses and other psychosomatic diseases appear and may develop. In addition, children who constantly see their father humiliating their mother may have big problems with building your own personal relationships.

Constant betrayals husband It's no secret that most husbands cheat on their wives at least once in their lives, and that women, for the sake of preserving the family, turn a blind eye to this and... But if the husband openly cheats and sexually ignores his own wife, it is very difficult to pretend that everything is normal! And is it necessary to endure this? The husband's reluctance to provide for the family Almost every man can find himself among the unemployed, and this must be treated with understanding. But if a man with a family categorically refuses to go to work, and at the same time considers it normal to live on his wife’s money, then the woman should think: is it worth limiting herself and her children to the bare necessities and enduring financial difficulties in order to support a fully capable man.

What should a woman do if she intends to break her marriage?

Undoubtedly, deciding to divorce your husband is difficult, even if there are many reasons for it. Therefore, before making such a responsible decision, a woman should:

• Answer yourself: do she have good enough reasons for divorce? If it’s all about minor grievances or towards another man, it’s better not to rush into a divorce, so as not to regret it later. But if a woman sees that she is living together My husband and I have long since turned into a nightmare - then it’s probably better to leave...
• Visit a family psychologist. Experienced and highly qualified family psychologist can help a woman either finally decide to divorce her husband, or abandon him and try to save the family.
• Consult with an experienced lawyer to be prepared for the complexities and legal issues that may arise during a divorce.
• Enlist the support of friends and family by clearly explaining to them the reason for your desire to get a divorce. For a woman divorcing her husband, the support of others is very important in order not to become depressed and get rid of loneliness!
• Seriously talk to her husband and explain to him the reasons why she is forced to take this path. If you have children together, it is advisable to separate from your husband peacefully - in any case, " bad world better good fight».
• Make plans for the future. To survive a divorce from her husband less painfully, it is advisable for a woman to imagine how she will live when she is left alone - what she will do, who she will communicate with, whose help and support she can count on. This is especially true for women supported by their husbands. There is no need to be afraid of problems! It should be remembered: even from the most difficult situation there is always a way out!
• Set yourself up for positivity. A woman who decides to divorce her husband must understand that life does not end there and that she will definitely still have a chance to become happy!

Unfortunately, not every marriage lasts forever. There are often cases when family relationships reach such an intensity that it becomes clear that the only way out of the current situation can only be divorce. But deciding to take this step is very difficult. What keeps ladies from going to court, how to overcome the fear of the unknown after a divorce, what is the psychology of divorce - our article is devoted to the answers to these and other questions.

When getting married, everyone believes that their newly born family will be spared all troubles and sorrows, that the relationship will always be harmonious. Some people don't succeed, but not us. After all, we love and understand each other, which means everything will always be fine with us.
But time passes, and you begin to understand that not everything is so rosy in “your kingdom.” Little by little, dissatisfaction with the partner, his character traits, behavior and attitude towards family problems increases. Gradually, everything gets worse, and you come to the understanding that it is simply impossible to live like this any longer. But the thought of divorce does not bring relief, it only frightens. What then if everything (even if it doesn’t suit you) collapses? How to live further?

How to decide on divorce if you have a child

The problem of how to decide to submit an application for divorce (especially if there is a child in the family) often faces the lady. Probably, if you start thinking about ending your marriage, you can’t call it happy. But it is not so easy to understand where he is, that Rubicon, after crossing which it is no longer possible to return back. The wife tries to the last to convince herself that the relationship can still be improved, although in her heart she does not believe in it.
Psychologists advise in this case to try to mentally imagine your future. If there is no place in it for your current “life partner,” then it’s time. Keep your thoughts away:

• will I be able to start a family in the future and what will it be like;
• how will the quality of life change when I am left alone;
• what changes will occur in living conditions;
• how to decide to file for divorce with a child (two young children) in your arms;
• Will the divorce be a blow to unstable psyche children.

ATTENTION! As soon as these doubts begin to overcome you, all your determination will disappear, you will continue to coexist (not live) with a person who has long become a stranger to you.

You should not expect that peace of mind will come immediately after receiving the divorce document. This takes time. But if the breakup of a family is perceived as the beginning of a new stage in life, and not as its collapse, over time you will understand that decision was the only correct one.

How to decide to divorce your husband

According to psychologists, one of the main reasons why a woman does not dare to file for divorce from her husband is her fear of how she will live in the future, that she will not be able to find a man who will be better than her current husband. Let him be inattentive, lazy, rude - but his own, dear. And there is a pig in a poke. If such thoughts come to you, it means that you deserve what you have. There is no need to humiliate yourself in your own eyes, and you will definitely meet someone with whom you will be happy.

Another trap that a lady falls into is a feeling of pity. She feels sorry for everyone and everything: herself, the wasted time, her husband, so she cannot decide how to leave him. What if you look at it from a different angle? Weren't you happy for a while? Haven't you gained positive and negative experience that will help you avoid the same mistakes in the future?

You should force yourself to understand that the period of living together with this person is over and the time has come when you will have to move forward along different roads. So why delay the moment of separation when you understand perfectly well that everything is in the past.

If after some time you realize that you are living with a tyrant husband, do not think about the question of how to leave him. Just pack up and leave. Don't flatter yourself with the hope that you can re-educate him. He does not need your services, the desire to please in everything. He revels in constantly putting you down, insulting and humiliating you.
The same goes for alcoholics. They know very well weak spots their wives, they understand how to make them feel sorry for themselves. They can beg on their knees not to leave them, swear by anything that it was in last time. It's up to you whether to give it another chance. But if you have firmly decided on a divorce, do not give in, no matter how much your alcoholic husband persuades you, end this once and for all.

How to tell your husband about divorce

But now the hesitations and doubts are behind you, you have made a firm decision to leave. Now you need to decide how and when to tell your husband about the upcoming divorce. If you are confident in your spouse's adequacy, choose a time when you will be alone. Without insults, strain or threats, inform him of your decision. Under no circumstances should you start this conversation in the presence of even adult children. Try to spare your husband’s feelings, because this will be somewhat of a surprise for him.

If a man decides that he no longer has any feelings for his wife, he thinks about how to decide to divorce his wife, and in in this case The advice of a psychologist will come in handy.

Decision is made?

Family life is constant work and, first of all, on yourself. Few people are able to take on such responsibility and constantly maintain relationships at the proper level. After all, as soon as one of the partners stops doing something for the sake of the relationship, it immediately deteriorates. The more resentment, irritation and misunderstanding that arises on both sides, the faster the partners come to the conclusion that they do not get along in character and there is no point in staying together. However, don't any of them remember how good everything was from the very beginning?

You spent a lot of time together, your partner surprised you with his beauty, and it seemed to you that you had so much in common. The romantic period has passed and gray everyday life has begun. This happens to every couple. And only now can one understand whether it was really love or whether the relationship was doomed to failure from the very beginning.

The first thing a man should think about before deciding to divorce: did you immediately fall in love with her and courted her for a long time, or did she take the initiative and you agreed? In the first case there is a chance to create a relationship, in the second there is no chance. Cupid's arrow hits the man instantly and he begins to win the woman's heart. If this does not happen, then the relationship is sure to fall apart. Then it really makes sense to decide on a divorce and not torment either yourself or the woman.

If at first everything was fine, and then...

If there was a fire in the chest and a man conquered the woman’s heart, and then problems began, then a conversation is needed here. Talk to your wife to discuss any issues in your relationship that are causing tension. Ask what she doesn’t like and tell her what you want. Learn to negotiate. This must be done without emotion. If you realize that emotions have come flooding in and you can’t talk calmly, go to different rooms and write each other a letter about how you feel at the moment.

Then make a list of all the things in your relationship that are stressing you out and write down how you propose to change them. Ask your wife to do the same. Thus, after discussing each problem, find a solution together. IN next time To avoid prolonging the conflict and accumulating emotional grievances, do this procedure right away.

It is very important to talk with your wife first and understand whether she wants to get a divorce or prefers to go through the process of improving relations. Of course, both partners need to work on the relationship; one does not go the same way here.

If it's a divorce

If you still decide that this is not your soulmate and you want to get a divorce, then the first thing you need to do is to improve the relationship. That is, do everything described above, understand your own mistakes and try to part with love in your heart. Of course, for a woman, divorce is a hard blow, because she will have to rebuild her whole life from scratch and learn to rely only on herself. Therefore, it is so important that there are no claims or insults, reproaches or accusations from the man.

Thus, the man takes responsibility for proper separation. He will have more than one conversation with a woman who will definitely want to find out what was wrong. Speak honestly, but in such a way as not to offend the woman or hurt her feelings. Don't talk about cheating, even if there was one, don't blame her for the absence external beauty. Tell her that you no longer have feelings for her and are not ready to do anything for your relationship. This difficult period in the life of each of you, so try to remain friends, at least after six months.

Articles on the topic

• 
  Some women suffer in marriage and do not know how to decide to divorce their husbands, others break up without visible signs, at first...
• 
  Divorce is difficult not only for women, but also for men. A psychologist's advice will tell you how to survive a divorce from your wife. Of course, men don't...
• 
  Cheating is difficult for anyone psychological trauma, therefore, advice from a psychologist talks about how to forgive your wife’s betrayal. Faced with...
• 
  Clarification of relationships in the family is a very painful event, so men think about how to make peace with their wife if things have already come to a divorce.…

Divorce is stressful, to say the least. Most women do not want to divorce their husbands even if married life has become unbearable. And all because they are afraid of the following:

• Responsibility for children is completely shifted onto the shoulders of the mother. Not wanting to feel guilty for taking the children’s father away, the woman tolerates her husband’s presence until the last moment.
• Relatives, not knowing the true circumstances in the family, often take the husband’s side. Thus, the woman is left without the support of loved ones, which leads to doubts and erroneous conclusions about her actions.
• Material support is one of the main obstacles to separation. Especially when the wife is fully supported by the husband. In this case, the stress is double. Although for those who are tired of indecision and a boring existence, on the contrary, finding a job becomes an opportunity for self-realization.
• Loneliness and fear, which causes psychological discomfort. The lady needs to come to terms with the idea that she now has new status- "single woman". For many this is very unpleasant.

Naturally, there are also purely individual reasons according to which the young lady prefers bad marriage calm solitude. But there are times when breaking up is simply necessary. Otherwise, living together threatens to undermine the physical and psychological health a wonderful person.

How do you understand that you need to divorce your husband? Alcohol and drug addiction of the spouse.

The most compelling reasons, because dependent individuals become asocial over time, degrade and lose all ability to perform family functions. You definitely need to think about the offspring - what are you dooming them to by forcing them to see their father in an inadequate state almost every day?

Physical violence

Does he hit you, does he love you? Do not make me laugh. There is no such good reason in the world why a husband could raise his hand against his chosen one. The sooner the breakup happens, the better for your health and life.

Moral pressure, despotism

It is not known which is worse - physical violence or daily moral bullying. If a companion constantly insults, humiliates, ignores, then over time the passion will turn into one continuous lump of disease. By mocking, the partner destroys the self-esteem of the other half, cultivates inferiority complexes, which leads to psychosomatic disruptions. The child (if there is one), seeing how the father treats the mother, develops his own complexes and problems with relationships in the future.

Constant betrayals

Should we turn a blind eye to betrayal? If adultery happened once, and if the companion sincerely repents, it is necessary. And if infidelity occurs openly and is accompanied by complete disregard for the lawful companion, why endure it?

Laziness and unwillingness to provide for the family

Yes, anyone can find themselves without a job at some point in their life. This can be understood. But how do you understand a person who does not want to go to work and lives completely calmly on his companion’s finances? Is this a reason for divorce?

Attention: these tips should be taken into account by those wives who do not face compelling reasons for the gap listed above.

How to decide on divorce? Psychologists have one wonderful technique that is designed specifically for analyzing confusing situations. Especially in cases where feelings say one thing, and the mind says another.

The technique is called “Cartesian Questions,” which sound something like this:

1. What happens if you do this? (Answer simply).
2. What won't happen if you do this? This question designed to identify “secondary benefits”. That is, with the help of the answer you can determine the advantages of the current situation and the advantages that there is a risk of losing when achieving a new result.
3. What won't happen if you don't do it? Here left hemisphere the brain goes into a stupor. But if you try to look for the answer, a person can avoid the usual conscious thinking and use other neural channels of the brain. Simply put, you will think about a known situation in a new way. This process helps in realizing those values ​​and internal forces that were previously unknown to you. Therefore, here I would like to wish to seek the answer using intuition, but not logic.
4. What happens if you don't? This highlights the price you will pay if you continue to live your life as before. Or you realize that parting will be a step forward for you, an incentive that will change your life for the better.

Important: beforehow to decide to divorce your husband, a woman needs to look inside her soul, turn to her values,Ask yourself how well your current situation satisfies your deepest needs.

Often, when thinking about whether to get a divorce, a lady puts first financial situation. Many women have an insoluble dilemma - material or mental comfort.

There are only two ways out here. The first is that a beautiful person takes responsibility for her life, becomes independent and financially independent. That is, she chose love and sincerity over money.

The second is that a person chooses money and comfort, but is forced to adapt and endure, depriving herself of full emotional living. Is it necessary to suffer so much if there is only one life and it is better not to observe it, but to live it?

Expectations and reality

After a meticulous approach to previous questions and answers, you may be surprised to find that in order to eliminate the interfering factors in your married life, and also to achieve your goals, it is possible to do without a break. Because the bulk of the positive factors that a person strives for are already present in life, he just doesn’t see them.

While you have not yet decided to divorce your husband completely, there is a chance for a new start. Just to get started, there is no need to radically change your partner. Just change your point of view. If you have reached such a realization, then grab the chance and change yourself while you are still close to your former companion. Because with a new one you will be forced to start all over again. And guarantees that new option It will be better, no.

Keep in mind that another person may not be found. Especially when a woman’s demands are too high, and among the stronger sex there are very few ideal ones. Psychologists advise becoming a philosopher - sorting out expectations and possibilities. Also believe in yourself, no matter what awaits you at the finish line.

So, what does a lady expect when she is ready to decide to divorce her husband? Of course, subconsciously she expects only one thing - a happy ending:

• The partner will get scared, correct himself, rethink, weigh and quickly begin to do what is expected of him.
• The lady will get rid of her annoying partner.
• Fate will immediately bring you together with a new passion.

But let’s return to reality and see how monstrously further events can disappoint a person:

• The partner does not show any reaction and acts in the same “disgusting” way.
• The partner reacts, but by committing inappropriate actions. They don’t fit into the plan you’ve developed at all, and the loneliness and other “benefits” that appear in connection with the breakup are even more annoying than the previous problems. So, the lady falls into a zone of doubt and begins to want to turn back time - so that all this would not happen at all.
• Fate turned out to be cruel and did not give a chance for a bright future, or the chance was received, but spoiled by the same scenario.

So, sometimes a person is left empty-handed and a lonely soul. And complete despair sets in when he realizes that his expectations were naive and stupid.

If your thoughts have not led to a final result, then think about this. Both in youth and in old age the married couple is connected by one very important thing- spiritual relationships. Proper communication, trust and intimacy play a huge role not only in bed, but also in spirit. If, when thinking about whether to get a divorce or not, you have not found anything like that in your relationship, then there is no point in living together. The couple will feel sadness and loneliness with each other.

Signs that a breakup is near

The couple feels the inevitable approach of a breakup intuitively. Sometimes this is determined by certain signs that are a warning. There are many cases where one of the couple had a premonition of an impending storm, but did not have enough reason to explain what was happening.

The first signal is limited communication between people. The partner suddenly becomes withdrawn, immersed in his personal experiences and does not want to share with his other half. Of course, such behavior is also characteristic of a man in case of problems at work or with health ( men's diseases, For example). Therefore, the situation here still needs to be clarified, and isolation does not mean that you should get a divorce.

But if a storm is indeed approaching, then the development scenario is more or less clear. After immersing himself in himself, the husband becomes more “cold” with his passion:

• Denies physical intimacy.
• When any signs of attention are shown on the part of the wife, the husband becomes indignant, irritated and even behaves aggressively.
• Tries to independently (without asking your opinion) solve everyday important issues.
• Attempts to ask where the husband was, how the day went and why he was late for dinner, are followed by the reaction - “my personal affairs do not concern you.”

This stage has already been significantly advanced. It is, of course, possible to return the relationship to its former course, but it will not be very easy. After all, the spouses behave like almost strangers.

But what to do if you want to save the relationship? In this situation, go to a psychologist. Although, it happens that when one partner cools down, the other does the same. And this happens on its own. But there is also a plus here - the decision to break up will be thoughtful, balanced and mutual.

And then came another evening in family circle when your soul is not at all warm and joyful, but the thought once again comes to your head: “Maybe I should get a divorce?” To begin with, I want to say that at least once this question has arisen in every married person. And therefore, there is no need to immediately doom your family to collapse, at the first alarms. If the thought of divorce becomes more and more persistent, then it is time to resort to a deep analysis of whether it is really necessary.
So. Let's start by analyzing the reason why you suddenly wanted to leave the person with whom you once planned to live your whole life.

Reasons for divorce

Reason number 1 – betrayal. Perhaps the most common factor leading to divorce. However, many who have committed a decisive act and left the marriage bond subsequently begin to regret what they had done. How to find out if you will be one of them when time will pass when the emotions subside and comes sober assessment situations? In fact, answering this question for yourself is not as difficult as it seems. You will understand the nature of your intentions if you just talk frankly with yourself. And you need to ask yourself this: “What is the real reason my jealousy?
In fact, there are two types of jealousy and they are fundamentally different from each other. In the first case, the person is jealous, afraid of losing his partner. In this case, anyone who dares to smile at your better half is considered a potential threat. Fear of losing! Because of it, suffocating jealousy is born that can drive both partners into a corner. People susceptible to this type of jealousy are very emotional about the fact of betrayal; in the heat of anger, they are capable of violence, rough treatment, blackmail, and, accordingly, divorce. But it is they who later regret it. In fact, the opposite happened. The man was so afraid of losing his family that he divorced himself. Will you say “Paradox!”? Just a feature human psyche. A person flees from something that he is unable to change or hold on to. As for divorce, in this case it is big mistake. Better give yourself time. Wait until everything calms down, you will definitely find strength.
It’s another matter when the basis of jealousy is not the fear of losing, but the fear of being deceived. Usually proud people are so jealous, deep feeling self-esteem. Their feelings are no less strong. But it is much more terrible for them to live with a person who does not love them than to lose this person. Such people are not inclined to regret divorce. For them, the best way out is to start a new life.
Ask yourself what is the basis of your jealousy? And then you will be able to understand whether it is worth crossing out the stamp in your passport.
Reason No. 2 – “people are too different.” When, after several years of marriage, you tell others: “We are getting a divorce because we don’t get along,” then, most likely, they will think: “Well, it’s necessary! They lived for ten years, had children, and suddenly decided that they were not compatible! It took them a long time to reach them!”
A reason to think. Have you always been so different that living together became impossible? In fact, you both remain the same as you were at the beginning of the relationship. The difference is that you no longer want to come to terms with your partner’s shortcomings and increasingly want to remake him at your own discretion. In order to never encounter such a problem as dissimilarity of characters in the future, I advise readers of MirSovetov to remember one piece of wisdom, or better yet, write it on the ceiling so that you can see it every morning: “If you love, accept a person for who he is and don’t try to change him. If you desperately want to change a person, then it’s better to leave him alone and find yourself another happiness.”
I think that says it all. Draw conclusions.
Reason number 3 – “love has passed.” But did it really pass? Maybe grievances have accumulated, unspoken complaints, restrained emotions? Very often these factors can cause a cooling of feelings, but this does not mean that love is dead and cannot be returned.
You need to dig deeper into yourself to understand what is really happening. Mentally play out tragic scenes for yourself that will best show where the truth is. Imagine, as vividly as possible, that your partner has suddenly died. What do you feel? Grief? A pity? Remorse? Indifference? Now imagine that your husband (wife) has another family, where he (she) is quite happy and does not remember you. What are your emotions now? Are you happy for him/her? Are you jealous? Are you jealous?
The more you imagine situations in which you definitely lose your spouse, the more clearly you will begin to understand whether the love has passed. Thought-images will help you survive an event without waiting for it to appear in reality. The main thing is to be attentive to your feelings and honest with yourself. You can even leave for a while and give yourself time to get bored. This is also quite effective in awakening faded feelings.
If, in spite of everything, you continue to repeat “We are strangers. I can't and I don't want to. Let him be happy, but without me.” Then, really, it’s time for you to get a divorce and give each other freedom.
Reason number 4 – “tyranny”.“I can’t do it with him and I can’t do it without him!” A woman who says this is actually unable to break off a relationship. You hear this quite often. To which I always answer: “If you can’t live without him, get the thought out of your head that you can’t be with him.” This is what those who have not yet run out of patience say. It is useless to try to leave if there is a thought: “I drank all the blood, I have no more strength!” But I love him, damned one!” You'll come back anyway. You'll just be wasting your time. Don't even mention divorce. Bear with me. Until there are no more words left. Until the thought “What will I do without him?” stops coming to me. Until you get tired of looking for excuses like “And sometimes he’s a golden man!” And also a jack of all trades.” You are not even ready to think about divorce yet.
There can be many reasons for divorce. But it is still very difficult to take the last decisive step. Not everyone can calmly cut the chains of Hymen, which were forged with such difficulty over the course of for long years. How can you help yourself if it’s already obvious that you can’t save your family, but it’s somehow scary to say it out loud? Here are a few reasons to help you make your choice.

1. One day sex will leave your life and only spiritual relationships will remain. If there is no true intimacy between you, you risk dooming yourself to old age together, full of melancholy and loneliness. Think, are you ready to die next to a person who has always been a stranger to you?
2. Your children will take fake relationships as a model, where people simply live under one roof, secretly reproaching each other for their broken destinies. They have every chance to repeat your bitter life. Having never learned parent example love for real.
3. Somewhere on Earth there is a person who is completely suitable for you and could not only find happiness with you, but also bring happiness to you. At the same time, he (she) will have to continue to suffer and suffer because you did not have the courage to free yourself. You may never meet because on the right day you don’t buy a ticket to another city and end up in the same carriage with someone who has been hoping to find you all your life.
4. Think about it. Why be afraid? What do you have to lose? If there is no happiness in your life, then you can only lose the usual unhappiness. Divorce is perfect occasion start life with clean slate. This is the beginning of change and new opportunities. This is a chance to give yourself what you really need.

And further. Deciding on a complete break is much easier at a distance. And therefore, before you announce your decision, find an opportunity to be alone. Just don’t send an SMS with the verdict “We’re breaking up.” Stay away, come back and talk like civilized people. It will be better for everyone. No matter how trivial it may sound, the more friendly your relationship remains, the easier it will be for both of you to start a new life.
That's all. Be happy, determined and take care of your love.