The fates of female child killers – the memoirs of a gynecologist. What to do after a miscarriage - how to restore your physical and moral condition

“Darling, I still can’t believe it. Even though a day has passed since you called and asked to come home from work early. Excited, you whispered in a broken voice that you had to tell me something important. I came home and found you crying ".

"My dear, these are tears of happiness. How long have we waited for our pregnancy. How much have I read medical articles, how many forums I reviewed - my obsession would be enough to master a new profession. Let's paste this pregnancy test into our child's photo album. There are so many magical worries ahead, my head is spinning.”

“Not a working mood at all. I think only about you and our baby in your belly. From now on, my wayward wife, no coffee and long hours at the computer. And learn to answer your mobile phone, I’m worried.”

“Are you completely crazy? Who did you bring so much fruit to? I won’t eat this during my entire pregnancy.”

“You have become wildly impulsive and inconsistent, and your fears for the child are gradually being transmitted to me. You will have to be patient to withstand these mood swings. And sometimes you become so defenseless that I would not leave you for an hour.”

“My whole essence, all my thoughts and dreams are concentrated in a pleasant heaviness inside. My back aches, my stomach pulls down, and my friend laughs: all this time is nothing, but I’m already clumsy, like a duck.”

Miscarriage

“You haven’t gotten out of bed all evening and complained of pain. We called the gynecologist, calmed down: “Pain and even brown discharge This is normal during pregnancy.” But I’ll still take you to the clinic after the weekend.”

“I woke up at night and was afraid to make a control movement of my fingers between my legs. Even if I was cowardly, even if I froze in anxiety every time, but I constantly checked myself, and now I hesitate. I make up my mind in one second and am immediately convinced that something irreparable has happened: my palm plunges into sticky moisture pajama pants, and your nose inhales the thick smell of blood.

A sudden apathy takes over me. I feel nothing but an unbearable desire to fall asleep and never wake up. Viscous laziness confuses my thoughts, and, resisting the realization of the tragedy, I fall into sleep. This is how the body protects me, pushing back the inevitable shock."

“A hoarse howl wakes me up - like a shepherd dog whining, whose puppies have been taken away. You lie on your back, shaking in fear and gritting your teeth. I sit up in bed: “What happened?” “I don’t know,” you squeeze out helplessly and turn to me. back: “Look.”

Red spots on the bed, a bloody semicircle on your pajamas - like a knife in the throat, in the chest, in the solar plexus.

“I’m cringing from being unprepared to face the terrible truth. I’m waiting and afraid of your answer, wanting to delay the moment of despair. I slowly turn my head towards you: the reflection of grief on your face takes away the last hope. You open your lips, twisted with compassion.”

"- No! - you moan. - Don't tell me. Don't talk, don't talk!

Like a trapped animal, you panic and cover your head with a pillow."

“I don’t want to know anything. I would fall into unconsciousness so as not to participate in what is coming next: doctors’ confirmation of the death of the fetus, cleansing, and then emptiness in the soul and body.”

I could not

"Two days have already passed. There is a picture before my eyes: you, covered in blood, do not dare to look down and ask to wash you before going to " ambulance“. I can’t forgive myself for not taking you to the clinic in advance.

You get out of bed and go out into the living room. There are cakes waiting on the table. I brewed strong herbal tea for them - now it’s possible again. You smile faintly: “Thank you.” You avoid looking at me - you hide your suffering, you are ashamed of yourself, unkempt, drooping, with a bloodless face. And I love you now stronger and deeper than ever.

So as not to embarrass you, I leave the room. I turn around at the door, and my heart sank: you stopped, closing your eyes and leaning helplessly against the wall. I heard your silent cry for tenderness and support."

"I would faint. Right here, a meter away from you. So that you understand how hard it is for me. I feel your approach on my skin, and everything inside aches from nervous tension. You take me by the shoulders, turn me around and press me to your chest. I am ashamed of my weakness and trying to free myself, but you hold tightly. Your hands stroke, love, pity. And then I submit and quietly cry: “For what?”

What did I do wrong, why couldn’t I save the child? Although I remember the doctor’s words:

Heavy bleeding is not a warning about a threat, but the result of its end.

Three days ago, I told the doctor, there was a strong pulling in my lower back and stomach.

Most likely, it was then that a spontaneous miscarriage occurred.

Should I have called an ambulance right away?

Maybe it’s for the best: everything came out on its own, and you avoided cleaning. Spontaneous abortion in your case was most likely a foregone conclusion. Ultrasound hints that the embryo was missing and the uterus has gotten rid of the empty ovum.

So, what I loved and waited for, what I cherished and considered my baby, was just an empty fertilized egg? I feel like a freak, unable not only to bear a child, but even to conceive a normal fetus."

We survived

“My good girl. You are cheerful, minding your own business - holding on. But as soon as you lie down in bed, limp tears flow down your cheeks. I don’t know how to help. You put me beyond the threshold of your suffering and arrogated to yourself the rights to a joint loss. But so do I too bad, don't even want to see it.

I lie next to her, remembering our first night in this bed. How many evenings we talked about everything here, how many we laughed, argued, loved each other. Here I consoled you after each negative test. You calmed down and said that your happiness lies in our love. And now you are surrounded by sadness, and I have no place in your union."

"I wake up in an inexplicable panic. I listen in the dark to your breathing and choke on sudden happiness: you are alive, you are near. I press my cheek to your hot shoulder. You are everything to me: my child, my husband, friend and family. Tenderness spreads throughout body. Bitter humility bound our hearts even more tightly, and common pain stretched like a strong thread between us.

You woke up and tremblingly pressed me to your chest. I'm ready to burst into tears from the intensity of my feelings.

My native. I have you and you have me.

We are happy, we will be happy,” your lips persuade, kissing.

You caress carefully, warningly. We are both confused and each wants to give in rather than take the initiative. “It’s possible, it’s possible,” I allow, I ask. Pain, despair and angry resentment towards life result in a fierce love struggle. This is our celebration of victory over death: we did not break under the blow of fate. We survived."

What did a failed pregnancy give me?

“The crisis is over, I’m cured,” you say at breakfast.

Thank God, I think. I already wanted to escape from this kingdom of despondency - I could no longer endure your depression. It seemed like I was back in childhood, where my mother was always dissatisfied with my father, and he, soured by her endless reproaches, shied away from home under any pretext.

It’s nice to finally see your cheerful smile and watch how you enthusiastically rearrange the services on the shelves.”

“As soon as the door closes behind you, a hopeless melancholy falls on the house, as night falls on the city after the sun has gone down. Tears again. But I cry no longer from the very feeling of loss, but from the fresh memory of the terrible despair that crushed me then. These tears are secondary, and the suffering is not primary - sad from past sadness and painful from the pain that pierced me after... It is enough to remember my reaction to the tragedy, how tears of condolences drip from my eyes. Is my grief no longer real, artificially prolonged by self-pity?

But it's really hard for me. I didn't know this could happen. At the same time, I did not expect that I would be able to survive such a tragedy. Those who were unable to bear a child seemed deeply unhappy to me, and I was amazed at how they managed not to go crazy or commit suicide. But here I am in the place of these women, and I continue to live. Sometimes the melancholy disappears completely, only to be tormented with renewed vigor later.

I have always been an optimist and walked through life with the cheerful conviction that everything that happens is for the best, that faith and positivity are enough to be happy. I dreamed of a strong, handsome man and, after several mistakes of my youth, I met you. Pregnant women smiled patiently from the screen of my mobile phone - and I waited. Immediately, pleased with the success, she installed a screensaver with a picture of a strong baby and marked the approximate date of birth of the unborn child on the calendar, reading it horoscope.

Stupid, proud in my confidence, I made calculations and plans. But life just laughed at me. Everything is for the better - what? What did this unsuccessful pregnancy give me? My body is exhausted, my soul is broken. Have I gained humility or have I lost faith? Previously, I was able to find meaning in any defeat or disappointment. But now how to believe in the logic of life and its benevolence? How to move forward, knowing that treacherous fate is capable of twisting, bending and breaking everyone indiscriminately any day? And I really want to believe in the regularity and fair orderliness of life.

Enough. I have to pretend to myself that everything is fine. It worked: the tears ended. True, my head is pounding and endlessly makes me sleepy.

Once again I check my mobile phone to see if my friends have written anything, maybe they’ll at least have something to please me with. They, being unmarried, have a habit of sharing adventures and mental turmoil with me. But after the failure of my pregnancy, my friends limited themselves to rare SMS: “How are you?” They have isolated themselves from me, no longer considering me suitable for communication, they do not know what to say so as not to give away how sorry they are for me. Their daily life is in full swing, and friends are afraid to spill the beans about their joys and hobbies.

And I may long to know that they were shocked by my misfortune, that they were hurt for me. And then let them not hide that their life goes on, and offer me, as before, New film to watch or complain about the nasty boss. I didn’t die, I didn’t go crazy and I’m still capable of being interesting conversationalist and an attentive friend.

I force myself to go for a walk. There is darkness in my soul, but the horizon does not turn black, thunder does not rumble and the rain does not drown the streets. In the park, birds sing and flowers bloom, green foliage sways gently in the wind.

My legs lead me along the alley, and another surge of hopelessness looms ahead. I step out of the shade of the trees and Sun rays splashed in the face. And suddenly the wisdom of the whole earth unfolds before me. It’s as if the experience of all the offended children, broken women and men, disappointed old people is in me. I passionately want to penetrate the deep secrets of the world, learn the revelations of centuries and share this with people.

My nature is renewed and reveals its hidden bottom. Previously, I saw a purpose only in motherhood, which would justify the meaning of my existence. The future seemed clear and certain: cherish your belly every day, visit once a week antenatal clinic, then - give birth, feed and raise. I was going to protect myself from the world, from myself and from real life, completely devoting himself to caring for his family. Then all my actions would seem important to me, and at the same time I myself would believe in my need.

No! The function of wife and mother is not the ceiling for a woman. I am enthusiastically looking for contacts of a creative studio in our city. Hurray, the day after tomorrow there is a competitive selection!”

After few years

“So much has happened over the years. You have become elusive, passionate and incredibly interesting. How do you manage to do everything? By the way, does it happen that a husband falls in love with his wife like a fool? Don’t laugh, try to develop this theme in your next project.”

"Darling, don't distract! Bring better than a child to the attractions. Yes, I adore you too."

Search line: Miscarriage

Records found: 41

Hello! Please tell me, I had a miscarriage at 25 weeks. Is this a test or a punishment for my sins? And how to continue to live?

hope

Hope, a woman should make every effort to take care of her unborn child. But our lives are in God's hands. Go to confession, repent, and prayerfully begin to live on. The Lord will help.

Priest Vladimir Shlykov

Good afternoon. I don’t know what to do, or I’m making things up, or, unfortunately, this is really the case. It was a long time ago, about 15 years ago, my daughter and I were walking along Apraksin Dvor (market in St. Petersburg), my daughter is really a very beautiful and bright girl, at that time she was 14-15 years old, we walked and quietly talked among ourselves, not paying attention to the sellers, because... We didn’t need this product, and suddenly one woman, about 45-50 years old, started screaming hysterically and wishing all sorts of nasty things to my daughter, this mainly concerned the intimate aspects of life, the people standing around did not understand anything and tried to calm her down, but to no avail; My daughter and I passed by, but it remains in my memory. Now my daughter is 31 years old. She is married, but somehow things don’t work out with children. I got pregnant a year ago, but because negative rhesus I had a miscarriage, but now I can’t. I constantly have this woman’s scream in my head, I can’t stop thinking that the reason is precisely these curses and wishes. My heart aches for my daughter. Please advise what to do. Thank you and God bless you!

Galina

Hello, Galina. Paranoid delusions are harmless to others, unless the madman takes up arms. The reason is in nature, and we are powerless to change nature. All attempts to “correct” human nature damaged by sin only lead to greater damage. Be patient and pray. This world, with all its values, is temporary, and nothing belongs to us here.

Priest Alexander Beloslyudov

Hello, father. I live with my husband in a married marriage. There is a little son. Before this, I had a miscarriage at 2-3 weeks. The priest then read a purifying prayer. And now, again we have such grief. Very short term, the delay is only a week, I have a miscarriage again. The test was positive, and there were also symptoms of pregnancy. I'm afraid it's my fault! The miscarriage happened on vacation, we went to the sea. She even rocked her eldest son in her arms for a long time. She didn’t call an ambulance because she was a doctor herself and understood that the process was irreversible... the thought in my head was that the will of the Lord was being done. At the same time, as a doctor, I understood that the miscarriage occurs due to improper development of the fetus. Also, before pregnancy, I took very strong drugs to maintain weight... And now I’m tormented that I have such a sin. Tell me, how can I pray now? Is this now like the sin of abortion? When can you visit the temple now, only after 40 days? And does the priest need to read a cleansing prayer? God bless you!

Evgenia

Hello, Evgeniya. Sympathize with you. I don't see your fault here. Our nature is damaged and deeply sick. What happened relates to the so-called “impeccable passions.” Yes, this is a manifestation of sinfulness, as a condition common to all of us, but there is no conscious sin. Humble yourself. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Go to confession, clear your conscience. Unconscious and involuntary sins sometimes torment her no less than obvious sins, but we cannot express them. None physiological processes are not something that defiles a person. If your conscience bothers you, you can abstain from communion and do not put off confession. I can’t say anything about the prayer you mentioned. I never use it, because... I suspect that she is not of Orthodox origin.

Priest Alexander Beloslyudov

Hello! I got married and lived with my husband for 2.5 years, he drank, didn’t sleep at home for 3, 4, 5 days, sometimes drank for a week, we fought because of this, he was coded, but at the same time I didn’t want to leave him, and hoped that he would stop drinking, I was sorry to leave him, I thought that maybe this would pass for him. He didn’t stop drinking, and I decided to leave him; they gave me a dorm room from work. Six months passed, and we started dating again (we remained married), we wanted to live together again, he persuaded me that everything would be fine, and I loved and believed him. When I found out that I was pregnant, he drank again and did not show up for 3 weeks. When he arrived, I began to scold him for this, and he began to come to me once a week, when I called him, he hung up when we met, then I told him that he was not behaving correctly and that I was offended that I lived alone in a dorm, that I had no one there except him, and that they weren’t paying me a salary, and that I wanted to be close to him, but he lives without problems without me, goes out with friends and doesn’t even think about renting an apartment. Since then, he stopped seeing me altogether, and I found out that he lives with another girl in her apartment and filed for divorce. At that time I was six months pregnant, his mother did not love me because I did not have rich parents, and there was no good dowry and money, she supported him, and when I was in the hospital with the threat of miscarriage, she did not let him come to me and scolded him, if he came to see me, I knew about it and I was very offended, because of this we fought with husband, and now she was glad that he left me and that he met a girl with an apartment, a car and money. He blamed me for everything, that it was all my fault, that I nagged him, that I swore for no reason, and that I myself ruined everything. When I went on maternity leave, I went home to my parents’ village, far away. Now I gave birth to a son and we divorced, the child is one year and three months old, and all this time I am tormented and think that it is my fault, that it is a sin. Tell me, who is to blame for the divorce, is he right, is it a sin?

Ira, unfortunately, your problem is that you got married without thinking about the consequences. Your husband, I assume, drank and fornicated before marriage? But you took the risk of starting a family with him and conceiving a child from him... Well done for not having an abortion! The child is not responsible for his father. But your foolishness... You need to repent of this in church in confession.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello! I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks, we were really looking forward to this baby, when can I go to confession and how to confess correctly? And the second question: they didn’t tell me what gender the child was, but now they advise me that I should find out, so that the priest would give a name for prayers. Should I do this, or what is the right thing to do?

Galina

Hello, Galina. Listen to “advice” less. When a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit. It is impossible to name an unborn baby. And there is no need to pray for him. The Lord has already taken care of the soul of the dead baby. Our God is called Love. Do you really think that He cares less about the innocent soul than you do, and He must be persuaded to show mercy? You must go to confession immediately if your conscience convicts you of sin. In general, we must always live according to the Gospel and according to church rules, and not only remember them when something happened.

Priest Alexander Beloslyudov

Hello. I have had several miscarriages. Are these already living souls? I buried it in the ground. What should I have done? What prayers should I read? Sorry for this intimate question.

R. Bozhia Elena

Hello, Elena. Yes, a human embryo becomes a living being from the very moment of conception. There is no point in talking about what should have been done. What matters now is what to do now. We need to confess. The souls of innocent babies do not require special care, but your soul needs the grace-filled action of the Church Sacraments. First of all, confession. And then turn to your parish priest for instructions.

Priest Alexander Beloslyudov

Good day! I am from the Tula region, my name is Elena. Recently I turned to a healer, as people say, to get my life back on track. And she began to predict the future for me, and said that very soon trouble would happen to her son. It's like there's a very old curse on him. Once upon a time, in a quarrel, my mother-in-law wished that I would not have children from her son, and she would not have my grandchildren. After that, I had a miscarriage, then I couldn’t get pregnant for a long time. When I got pregnant, I had to be in confinement for 7 months, I had twins, and only my son Artem was born alive. When my son was two years old, my husband left for another woman (even though we were married). But it's not that. The woman I spoke to said that this curse was about to come true (they cursed you, and the blow would fall on your son, that’s what she said). Since then, everything in my soul has turned black. I tried to tell my son about this in order to somehow protect him from trouble, but only made it worse (at the same time I upset and angered him). I myself am in tears every day, praying for him. But I am so sinful that I am afraid God will not hear my prayers. Please teach me what I need to do to avert trouble from my son? I ask you to pray for my son Artem to keep him alive and healthy. The worst thing is when children have to pay for their mothers. Don't judge me and forgive me. Do not abandon my request, pray for my son.

Elena

Elena, you know, the Apostle Paul wonderfully said in his letter to Timothy: “Stop worthless and women’s fables, and train yourself in piety” (1 Tim. 4:7). So you should turn away from these women’s fables and nonsense. Now - to the question, what to do? Since you have already messed up a lot, it’s time to stop and go to confession in order to at least cleanse your soul. This is where you will begin to correct the entire situation. Forget about this nonsense, as if horrible dream, don’t mention this to anyone else - neither your son, nor the priests. And in the future, don’t go to such “figures”. And we will pray for you. Just don't disappoint us!

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

We have a barren marriage. We received a lot of treatment. There was an attempt at pregnancy through IVF (miscarriage at 6 months). Trying with donor sperm. We know that big sin. We repent. Frozen donor embryos remained. Of course, we won’t go for a second attempt. But this is what constantly bothers me: what to do with these embryos? How to proceed? I ask God for humility and patience to bear my cross. And miracles do happen. But such a strong despondency sets in. No forces. It’s easier after confession and communion. I understand that I need to humbly carry my cross. We are thinking about adoption. But wouldn't this be a step of insubordination? How to figure out that the desire is not out of despair?

Irina

Dear Irina, by refusing to carry embryos you are dooming them to death, but these are already conceived children. What to do? This question should be asked not over the Internet, but in a personal conversation with an experienced priest. How to live further? Repent of sins, regularly attend church and participate in the prayer and Eucharistic life of the Church, pray daily at home, read the Gospel and spiritual literature. Then the Lord Himself will manage your future life. God bless you!

Archpriest Andrey Efanov

Hello. My husband and I want our own children, but two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. In the first case there was an operation, in the second - nature did everything itself. Doctors say that this happens, and they don’t find any special deviations in my husband’s health. Maintenance medications are prescribed. But we are thinking about changing doctors. After the first incident, the priest read a prayer over me, which, as was said, should be read in such situations. But, I admit, I am not a very church-going person, and neither is my husband. We don’t go to services, but we go to church (he less often, I mostly) and pray next to Orthodox icons as best we can. Perhaps you can help, tell me how to pray correctly in our case, to whom, to which icons, maybe, to go somewhere, or do we need something else? My husband and I are married, but not married, because, to be honest, we don’t know what it’s for, and the wedding process itself looks strange to us, like some kind of theatrical action. Forgive me, I am without malice, I speak sincerely, as I think. If you can help or suggest anything, I will be grateful. Thanks in advance!

Catherine

Faith in Christ sometimes begins with solving practical issues, such as those you have with your spouse. You can change your doctor, but a believer would definitely think about confession in church, about communion, about his attitude to life. That is, he would begin to become a church member, and not utilitarianly pray to one saint. Read the Gospel, think about Christ, would you like to become His disciples.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello! We have been married for 4 years, I am 26, my wife is 23, we have a child. We try to live like Christians. But in the last 3 months we have had two miscarriages. In the first case, when my wife showed the first signs of this, we went to the antenatal clinic. The doctor immediately suggested going to the hospital, but then there would be no one to look after the older child. Then the doctor prescribed a hormonal drug. We have a negative attitude towards them, especially without the appropriate tests. But they drank, and when improvements came, they decided to stop using it on their own and began to reduce the dosage. Everything was fine, but at the 8th week bleeding began and my wife was taken by ambulance to the hospital, where they underwent a “cleansing” operation. After 40 days, we turned to the priest, he prayed for permission, we confessed and received communion. Carry out complete medical examination They didn’t, they did an ultrasound, and, trusting in the Lord, they also prayed for a child. And the Lord performed a miracle. But the second time there were signs of miscarriage again. We decided to get tested first, but the day the results were being prepared, we lost the child again. Now we blame ourselves: we could have been more caring, trusting of medicine, found a more experienced doctor, gone straight to the hospital. We prayed for the child's salvation. But that's exactly how it is. I understand that God allowed this for our salvation, His ways are inscrutable, but what should we learn now? Are we guilty and so careless? Or, indeed, is such a coincidence simply necessary? It's hard for me to go through this, especially for my wife, how can I help her? Save me, God! r.B. Alexander

Alexander

Hello, Alexander. God does not change, we change in relation to God. We must force ourselves to make these changes, even though they are not visible. But we need to be patient. Patience is generally the first remedy available to every person. Do not forget that the primary goal of a Christian is to acquire the Kingdom of God within himself, and not at all to leave offspring. We must wait, let passions subside. Everything we desire with passion is harmful. Even if it is the desire to have a child. Focus on measured, attentive and permanent life according to the commandments of Christ. In due time, if it is useful for your salvation, the Lord will give “the fruit of the womb for good” - these are the words from the prayer at the Sacrament of Wedding. And if not, then no.

Priest Alexander Beloslyudov

Hello, father! Please tell me what to do in our situation: my husband and I have been married for 5 years, during which time miscarriages occurred 2 times and twice after curses from my mother-in-law. The mother-in-law regularly speaks openly about not having children. What should we do?

Natalia

Don't be afraid of your mother-in-law. Pray. Go to confession in church, take communion. Love each other and take care!

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello, father! I have a cry from the heart! The fact is that my husband and I have not had children for 6 years, although we are completely healthy. I have a child from my first marriage (I am a widow) and so does he. But we have nothing in common, our first pregnancy with him ended in a miscarriage at a long term, the second ended in an operation to remove the tube. I really believe in God and pray every day, but I have a suspicion that my husband’s ex-wife did something bad (there is evidence that she used to go to fortune-tellers and sorcerers). I don’t want to blame anyone, but, dear father, could it be that a person with great resentment sent a curse or something bad in the heat of the moment, and now it’s following us? The doctors shrug their shoulders and say that I am healthy and cannot answer. I don’t want to go to sorcerers, healers and fortune tellers, so I ask how, according to Orthodox laws, I can ward off a slander or conspiracy, I don’t know what it’s called. I for a long time I ordered prayers for this person, prayed that everything would be fine with her. But there is no result, and my chances of having children are increasingly decreasing. But I want more than one. Maybe there are some special prayers? I asked Matronushka about children, and after 2 weeks I found out that I was pregnant. Our happiness knew no bounds, I thanked God so much, but after a week the fetus froze. Please, help! What to do?

Alexandra

Hello, Alexandra. Nobody knows what is really good for us. Only God knows. And He always puts us in best conditions from the point of view of salvation. It is unreasonable to want more. And to desire with passion is suicidal. There is such a law: nothing can be obtained except through sorrow and humility. Everything that a person acquires beyond this corrupts and destroys. Force yourself to be essentially Christian. Practice the gospel in your life. To do this, read it constantly and ask yourself: “What am I like?” Thank God for everything He has given you in this life. The gift of God remains fruitless only when there is no thanksgiving for it. And you left what you have and live your dream. Dreaminess clings the human soul to the unrealizable, long-term expectation of the unrealizable plunges into earthly sadness, which causes despondency and despair. Leave it alone. Pray, expressing your hopes as simply as possible. “Lord, You know my desire, if You please, You can fulfill it. But not my will, but Yours, be done.” And cast all your sorrow on the Lord. God help you.

Priest Alexander Beloslyudov

Hello! My name is Olga, 35 years old. I was married, we were getting married, but at that time I didn’t understand the meaning of this sacrament. She was pregnant, but never gave birth, an abortion, then a miscarriage. 12 years ago my husband and I divorced, I sinned, and now, all these years I have been living with another man in fornication. At first everything was very good, but now the further it goes, the worse it gets, since he abuses alcohol quite often. For several years now we have been fighting this terrible addiction. My hands have given up, I’m such a sinner that God doesn’t hear me. Do you really need to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your loved one and exist, since it’s hard to call it life? Maybe we should register our marriage and get married? I'm ready, and he wants it, but his drinking scares me away. Family happiness no, there are no children... I was already thinking, maybe I should live alone and atone for the sins of my youth, since I didn’t save my happiness? I don’t know what to do. Thanks for the answer.

Olga

Olya, let's start with the fact that 35 years is not old age, and it’s too early to give up on your destiny - “the sins of youth, I didn’t preserve my happiness.” Of course, you need to pray for forgiveness for an unreasonable life in passions. But ask God also for reason and will. Your life is now like a “black hole”: everything you do is absorbed without a trace and bears no fruit. God sometimes allows a person to plunge into a hole that he dug for himself. In your case, this is cohabitation with a drunkard. The fact that you are thinking about saving him, intending to “sacrifice yourself for the sake of your loved one,” speaks of your readiness to atone for sins. But... the sacrifice must also be reasonable. I think that registering a marriage, much less getting married, is now premature. You need to look at who your man loves more: alcohol or you. Separate yourself from him, live separately for 3-5 months, set him the condition “get yourself in order.” If there are any shifts towards correction, repentance, prayer on his part, then there will be at least some reason to think about a future together. And now there is no point in talking about it.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Good afternoon Sorry for the question: there were 2 miscarriages in later. The children did not survive. Now I'm in conservation with the third one. What can you read for a successful outcome of pregnancy and full-term birth? Or simply trust in the will of God? I'm 34. A very desirable baby. Thank you in advance.

Larisa

Larisa, you definitely need to pray, for yourself and for safe birth. Here is the prayer, read it: PRAYER FOR A GOOD BIRTH Most Holy Virgin, Mother of our Lord Jesus Christ, who weighed the birth and nature of mother and child, have mercy on Thy servant (name) and help at this hour so that her burden may be resolved safely. O all-merciful Lady Theotokos, even though You did not require help in the birth of the Son of God, grant help to this Thy servant, who requires help, especially from You. Grant her blessings at this hour, and grant her the birth of a child and bring her into the light of this world at the right time and the gift of intelligent light in holy baptism with water and spirit. We fall down to you, Mother of the Most High God, praying: be merciful to this mother, the time has come for her to be a mother, and beg Christ our God, who has become incarnate from you, to strengthen her with His power from above. Amen.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello, father! My question is: do I need to confess that I had a spontaneous miscarriage? Is this a sin? If so, what sin does it refer to? This child was wanted, I was very worried that this happened! God bless you!

Svetlana

Hello Svetlana. This must be stated directly in confession. After 40 days of purification, the priest will read a special prayer over you. God bless.

Priest Sergius Osipov

Hello! Please tell me: 1) can an unmarried but deeply religious friend be a witness at a wedding? 2) is there a prayer for an unborn child due to a miscarriage?

Christina

Christina, to put it bluntly, I can say that many people, including us, do a lot of unreasonable things in life. But this is not so scary, the main thing is that we see our mistakes, correct them and repent of them. The main thing is that we have strong faith and life by faith. Your unmarried friend can be a witness at the Sacrament of Wedding. There is no prayer for unborn children, since they have no sins and, therefore, there is no need to pray for them. But there are prayers for a woman who has thrown out a baby (only non-violently, not during an abortion!). These prayers are read by the priest. You need to go to the temple and ask the priest to read them.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello. My name is Olga. I am 34 years old. I was baptized 4 years ago, began to live the church life, I try to do everything as the Holy Church advises. I'm very afraid to return to the state in which I arrived." past life"". But now I don’t always understand how to live correctly in this earthly life. I keep thinking what will happen to me after death, how God will judge me if I cannot correct the consequences of my sinful life in the past: my 15-year-old son does not want to live with us, but lives with my mother, who blasphemes God all the time, and he humiliates me in front of him. Son has computer addiction, very angry. I also had 3 miscarriages in 2 years, although I was examined several times. Healthy. There were 4 abortions and the IUD was in place for 5 years in a “past life”. I repent and cry a lot, I constantly pay penance for miscarriages. Will I be saved in such a situation? wrong life? What to do?

Olga

Hello Olga. What's wrong in your life? Everything that was false was washed away by Holy Baptism. It is not clear from the letter what kind of penance you are paying and why, since the miscarriages did not occur through your fault. There are two worries left - mother and son. Try to spend enough time with them. Let them see you joyful. Testify for Christ not with words, but with deeds. Think with your mother about how to get your son away from the computer. Very useful at his age team events sports In addition, you can take any training courses (automotive, programming, cooking, etc.). Fill the lives of your loved ones with joy and save your soul. God bless.

Priest Sergius Osipov

Hello, father! I'm tormented by a stupid question (it just doesn't give me peace). My husband left me for his mistress, if the mistress repents, confesses that she destroyed the family, but does not let her husband go, will her sins be forgiven? And she will continue to live with my husband with a clear conscience, while I and my daughters will suffer and wait? 2) I had ectopic pregnancy, and then a miscarriage ( heavy bleeding) - is this my sin? Do I need to confess? I really wanted children. 3) Everywhere, when I feel bad (in transport, cleaning, cooking) I read the Jesus Prayer to myself. Can? Or is it a sin? 4) When I go to bed, after reading the evening prayers, I always mentally talk, ask, thank a specific saint - today I talk with the Lord, tomorrow with Matronushka, etc. Isn’t this a sin? Thank you in advance for your answers.

Hello, father! I am tormented by the issue of a second marriage (my fiancé is divorced, the marriage was married). They formally divorced on his initiative, he proposed, but his wife did not object; she, as I understood, was more interested in the division of property. He had another woman in marriage, it is unknown with her, but six months after the divorce she got married. Now they don’t communicate, maybe she’s single again. There were no children, there was a miscarriage with complications, instead of treatment she spent money secretly from her husband on a garage, etc. In the end, everything was cut out for her, she is infertile. I know that now divorce is acceptable for a number of reasons, but what torments me is that these are all innovations, and in the Gospel only the reason for adultery is given. In this situation, it turns out that he is the guilty party. I'm very concerned about whether we will commit adultery if we get married. After all, the Lord speaks about the adultery of those who marry divorced people. Should he improve his relationship with his first wife, and should I leave him and look for another person?

Elena

Dear Elena, the canons and rules of the Church do not contradict Scripture, but only reveal the inner depth of the Gospel. IN in this case You must apply to the bishop (the diocesan administration of your diocese) for permission for a second marriage. Typically, such permission is given after the guilty party has fulfilled the assigned penance. The reason for such leniency seems to me to be that the social attitude towards marriage in ancient times was different than it is now. In any case, you should not philosophize, but rely on the Lord, who will reveal His will to you through the bishop. God bless you

Archpriest Andrey Efanov

Good afternoon I have a difficult situation. When I was dating my husband (ex-husband, he left me, although we were married), I was afraid of getting pregnant, because of my sister, who always sent everyone to an abortion, and I was afraid of an abortion and took Postinor, and it turned out that after the pill 3 I had bleeding for weeks. I went to the doctor, the doctor didn’t really say anything about what happened to me, and now I understand that because of fear, a miscarriage may have occurred. I'm very scared! What should I do? Who should I pray to so that this anxiety will subside? I’m scared, and I blame myself for this and for the fact that the marriage fell apart because of my shortcomings, because my ex-husband didn’t like anything about me: I didn’t cook the soup right, I didn’t wash it right, I ironed it, I didn’t get enough money, and for my parents, because they were coughing, they “loaded” him so that he would not beat me or threaten me for everything. Even when I was pregnant, my husband mocked me, said that he regretted marrying me, and filed for divorce. Now my life is broken, I’m in a lot of pain, and I won’t be able to get married or have a wedding anymore, but only, it turns out, to live on my own, or to live in fornication, just by painting! What will you advice me? It hurts me a lot, I cry all the time, because I’m only 21 years old.

Albina

Dear Albina, Postinor quite possibly provoked a miscarriage, which in this case is an abortion. You need to repent of this sin in confession. In general, I advise you to seriously take care of your soul: go to church more often, pray to God every day at home, read the Gospel and spiritual literature. Over time, the Lord will ease your grief and you will be able to apply to the diocese for permission for a second marriage (you have no obstacles for this, since you are not the initiator of the divorce). God help you!

Archpriest Andrey Efanov

1

A miscarriage is called spontaneous interruption embryo development on early stages pregnancy. Loss of pregnancy can occur in any trimester. In the early stages the fetus dies, last weeks there is a chance to save the baby. If a girl has a miscarriage, then after it the body should be restored so that complications do not arise.

Possible complications after a miscarriage

Any type of termination of pregnancy leads to serious consequences. Therefore, girls are not recommended to have abortions early age. During pregnancy, a woman's body undergoes restructuring. Physical changes and hormonal changes occur in it.

After the development of the fetus is interrupted, it has to change again and adapt to the normal regime. Hormonal imbalances impair the functioning of all organs, which can lead to serious pathologies.

In addition, the following complications may occur due to a miscarriage:

• Isthmic - ecclesiastical insufficiency. Pathology appears due to severe damage to the cervix. Most often it occurs during the first abortion while carrying the first child. This is due to the fact that the cervix is ​​not elastic enough during the first pregnancy. Therefore, during an abortion, when the canals expand, she is injured. The likelihood of a cyst developing increases.
• Low attachment of the egg. In case of artificial abortion ( surgery) the endometrium, on which the placenta is fixed, is damaged. After scraping, the tissues become thinner and adhesions form on them. It takes quite a long time for the endometrium to recover. Therefore if next pregnancy after a miscarriage occurs early, there is a possibility that the embryo will not be able to attach to the walls and the girl will be diagnosed with fetal diligence.
• Rhesus conflict. If a pregnancy is terminated, the risk of Rh conflict increases, provided that the girl negative group blood. Due to curettage, the concentration of oxytocin in the female body increases, which causes an acute form of Rh conflict.
• Uterine rupture. If the walls of the uterus are weak and loose due to repeated miscarriages, then the vagina may not withstand such pressure. As a result, when new pregnancy uterine rupture occurs.

To avoid serious consequences and preserve the body, you need to take care of your health immediately after an interruption. A girl must take care of herself and do everything possible measures so that the next pregnancy does not end the same way. The recovery period is quite long, but it is important to complete it fully.

How long does it take to bleed after a spontaneous abortion?

After a miscarriage, a woman begins to bleed (often dark red or brown in color). This is due to the fact that when the fetus is abruption, the vessels of the uterus are damaged, which opens internal bleeding. During this period, the risk of infection of the genital and reproductive organs increases. Therefore, the girl must be very careful, using various methods of protection.

If after a miscarriage there is a delay in menstruation and severe chest pain, then the reason for this is the remainder of placenta particles in the womb. This can occur in the 2nd trimester of pregnancy. In this situation, the test done will show positive result, because hCG level does not decrease due to the presence of fetal remains inside. If this complication occurs, surgical cleaning will be required.

How much there's blood coming out? It is impossible to give exact figures for how long the bleeding will last, since the body is female. Everyone needs different time for recovery and healing. According to doctors' reviews, on average blood discharge ends on days 7–10. If heavy menstruation has not stopped after 2 weeks, then you need to consult a gynecologist. The doctor will prescribe tests, and you may need to undergo an ultrasound. During this period, hCG drops significantly, which can be dangerous to health.

Pathological bleeding is characterized by the following symptoms:

• weakness, fatigue;
• constant feeling of sleepiness even after waking up;
• toxicosis;
• migraine;
• dizziness and fainting;
• prostration.

All these signs with prolonged release of blood particles indicate that the body has developed pathological processes that require drug treatment.

Lifestyle after miscarriage

While recovering from a miscarriage, it is important to maintain a healthy lifestyle. During this period, hygiene, nutrition and sex life. In addition, it is important that the girl can recover both mentally and physically.

Hygiene

After an interruption, it is important to adhere to the following rules regarding female hygiene:

1. In a day water treatments are carried out at least 2 times. It is advisable to take a warm shower 2-3 times a day. Taking hot baths and steaming during this period is prohibited, as this may increase bleeding due to vasodilation. It is also not recommended to swim in open reservoirs, the sea and public showers.
2. During the first days of sick leave, a woman is allowed only sanitary pads. On days 4–5, you can use tampons. It is necessary to change gaskets 5-6 times a day, regardless of contamination.
3. When washing the body and vagina, it is best to use sulfate-free natural detergents. It is advisable to use baby soap and shower gel. It is not recommended to use deodorants, creams and body lotions/milks, as they can cause irritation in the groin area.

Diet

Often girls complain that their lower abdomen hurts after an abortion. If the doctor does not identify gynecological complications, then the problem is in digestion. Therefore, the girl is recommended to adjust her diet. It will help improve metabolism, launch repair processes in the body, and increase muscle tone.

The girl’s menu should include the following products:

• lean poultry meat;
• fish;
• fresh vegetables and fruits;
• greenery;
• tea, fruit drinks, juices, purified drinking water;
• porridge;
• durum pasta.

Sex life

Since after a premature pregnancy, a woman’s uterus and vagina are injured, the risk of infection increases. You can't have sex. If we talk about how long it takes to have sex again, the gynecologist should warn the spouses that sex is allowed only 1–2 months after a miscarriage. Over time, the walls of the uterus will recover, and it will be possible to gradually try to establish intimate life. But not before the deadline.

Physical rehabilitation

After an abortion, the girl must stay in the hospital for 2-3 days under the supervision of doctors. Restorative procedures will help heal damaged areas and quickly return the ovaries to full function.

The doctor prescribes drug treatment, which includes:

1. Prophylactic antibiotics (To reduce the risk of infectious complications).
2. Anti-inflammatory antibiotics (Relieve inflammation and acute pain).
3. Contraceptives for oral administration (Regulon).

The patient is prescribed drugs to increase progesterone levels (Duphaston) and immunoglobulin to quickly restore the body and minimize the risk of Rh conflict. To restore blood vessels, the drug Borovaya uterus is prescribed.

To eliminate the risk of complications, it is recommended:

1. Avoid sex for at least 1 month.
2. Do not visit places with elevated temperature air (bath, sauna).
3. Do not take hot baths (it is also forbidden to steam or stay in warm water for a long time).
4. Eliminate alcohol and cigarettes from your life.
5. Follow all doctor's recommendations regarding medication and lifestyle.

How to restore moral health

Improve psycho-emotional state For women who have lost a child, it is much more difficult than resuming reproductive work. Possible depression nervous breakdowns during the rehabilitation period. It is especially difficult to cope with the loss of a child at 37 weeks of pregnancy, when dramatic changes have already occurred in the body.

To fully restore psychological condition girls, you will need:

• support from loved ones;
• psychological assistance from a qualified psychologist;
• sedatives;
• time to pull yourself together and come to terms with your loss.

A spontaneous miscarriage will in any case leave a wound in the soul. But a woman must be able to cope with this and prepare herself for re-fertilization and the birth of a baby.

How to prepare for a new pregnancy

After the body has been completely rehabilitated, the woman can become pregnant again. It is important to understand that ovulation after such a stressful state will occur much less frequently due to injury to the organs. Therefore, sometimes it is not possible to get pregnant for a long time.

1. Protect a woman from stress, tension, nerves and excitement.
2. Get rid of bad habits to both future parents.
3. How can you take different groups of medications?
4. Adjust your diet.
5. Visit a gynecologist and get advice on taking vitamins.
6. Undergo a full medical examination and determine whether there are any risks for the unborn baby.

If a woman becomes pregnant too quickly after a miscarriage, there is a possibility that it will be difficult to carry the child to term, since the body has not been fully restored.

Watch a video about how a girl coped with depression after a frozen pregnancy:

Conclusion

The loss of a child during pregnancy is a serious trauma for a woman and causes a lot of harm. female body. After a spontaneous abortion, the expectant mother needs to properly recover and rehabilitate herself. It is important to approach the treatment methods correctly and do not forget to consult a doctor. A woman should be prepared for the fact that the treatment will not be easy and quite lengthy.

Tusse writes:

How does this happen if a woman has a miscarriage? Is it possible to attend church right away?

"Prayer for a woman who discarded her baby
With this prayer the Church comes to the aid of a woman who has had involuntary eruption of the fetus of a conceived child. On the first day of such a misfortune, this prayer is read to the woman, instead of the three already indicated.
In this prayer, the priest asks God: “Forgive her voluntary and involuntary sins, save her from all the devil’s intrigues, cleanse her filth, heal illnesses, grant health and blessings to her body and soul, cleanse her from bodily filth,... raise her from her bed, to lies there. And all who are found and touched by it through Your great mercy... have mercy and forgive.”
“When a woman gives birth, she suffers sorrow, because her hour has come; when she gives birth to a baby, she no longer remembers the sorrow for joy, because a man was born into the world” (John 16:21). In these words of the Teacher and Lord the Church sees deep meaning childbearing, by which a woman is saved if she continues “in faith and love and holiness with chastity” (1 Tim. 2:15). The birth of a baby, therefore, is associated for a Christian mother with the joy of living according to the Gospel commandments, to which the child born by her will also be involved. “Ask and you will receive,” says Christ, “so that your joy may be complete” (John 16:24). The born baby, like the mother herself once, will be introduced into the life of the Church in the Sacrament of Baptism and will receive from God the Gift of the Holy Spirit. The secrets of faith, the Gospel, and the Kingdom of Heaven will be revealed to him. Life in Christ with her child fills a woman’s heart with a grateful feeling towards God. And the joy of finding a baby makes her forget the grief at birth.
A woman’s heart behaves differently when something unexpected happens to her. involuntary eruption of the fetus of a conceived child. Joy does not come to her soul. Her heart grieves for the baby excluded from life, cast out by her. She also grieves for herself, who is in sins that poison all the members of the body, all the powers and properties of the soul, and infect the body, heart, and mind with illness. Her grief gives way to sadness. The soul may become despondent because it did not have sufficient determination to live according to the Gospel commandments and worthily preserve the Gift of the Holy Spirit received in Baptism. It is sad and difficult for a woman at these moments of life. And the Church, like Mother, understands her condition and comes to her aid. On the very first day, the shepherd must be notified of the grave misfortune that has happened to the woman in order to pray for her on the same day.
According to ancient practice, the priest performed this prayer at the woman’s bedside, having preceded the prayer for the expelled wife by accepting a repentant confession of sins on the part of the woman, revealing her spiritual state to the shepherd, reading a prayer of permission over her: “Our Lord and God Jesus Christ...” and imposing a feasible penance.
When the prayer “whenever he spews forth” is read over a woman on the first day of her misfortune, then on the fortieth day the prayer of the fortieth day is read. If this prayer is not read on the first day, this prayer and the prayer of the fortieth day are performed on the day when the woman, having recovered from illness, comes to the temple, that is, starting from the fortieth day on any subsequent nearest day.
If a woman gives birth, albeit prematurely, to a living baby, then in the event of his death, immediately after birth, the usual prayers to the mother-in-birth should be read over the mother, and not the prayer “when she will ejaculate.”
In parish life, the priest comes into contact with such cases when women who have vomited the fruit conceived in them ask to pray for themselves of your own free will. In this case, the priest has a direct responsibility to explain to the woman that since the first centuries of Christianity, the Holy Church has considered the exclusion of man from the book of life, from the economy of the salvation of people by the Son of God, incompatible with the teaching of the Gospel. Therefore, already in the first century, the Church demanded from a woman: “Do not kill the child in the embryo,” convincing her to lag behind the pagan view on this issue.
The Church has always viewed the fetus conceived in the womb as a person. She established the feasts of the conception of St. John the Baptist, the conception righteous Anna The Blessed Virgin Mary, affirming this thought. And when a woman neglects the demands of the Church, then she, according to the word of Christ, turns out to be guilty of violating the ancient commandment (Matthew 5:21).
To help a woman by will who disgorged a baby, with due spiritual understanding to endure the consequences of her sin, the Church determined for her, in contrast to the woman who ejected involuntarily, a long time of repentance.
The breviary of Metropolitan Peter Mogila of Kyiv says: “In confession it is known to test in what way this eruption happened to her: ... if by will in any way this is the key, she committed murder; For this reason, having judged from the holy rules, punish (instruct) you, and impose penance according to your strength, and allow it with the usual permission.”
From these words of the Trebnik it is clear that the woman who threw up the baby of your own free will, the prayer “whenever he spews out” was not read in the temple, but prayers of the Sacrament of Repentance were performed about it. Through prayer of permission, she was given pastoral advice aimed at vision and deep experience her sins, awareness of her guilt before God and confession of a firm intention not to return to committing sin.
This intention is helped by the woman’s desire to see herself in the light of God’s truth, which testifies that the ejection of the baby by will is being prepared in her soul by the predominance of selfishness, callousness, inner cruelty and other sinful principles in her, which convinces her to go for it. And repentance will only bring relief to the soul when the woman confesses to God about the whole range of sinful habits associated directly or indirectly with depriving the baby of the opportunity to participate in her life.
The eruption of a baby morally oppresses the soul of a woman and thereby violates the friendly atmosphere in her family, where there is a loss of harmony, peace, mutual understanding between family members (cf. Gen. 4: 11-12) in many issues of life. Through the sin of one, sin enters into many and divides and alienates family members from each other. A family is a single whole not only physically, but also spiritually. And the mother's fault is also the father's fault, when with his consent the sinful nature in a woman takes precedence over prudence and a good conscience.
A woman-mother, together with her husband, is responsible before the Creator God for the fate of the baby in the afterlife, although the judgment over him is left to God Himself, His Holy Providence. The prayer of his parents for him, especially his mother, eases his lot, inclining God’s love and mercy towards him.
The Church sees the need for a repentant change of heart and pacification of the conscience of a sinner. And in prayers for nameless babies, performed in the home prayer rule, and in good deeds She sees a necessary spiritual sacrifice for the good afterlife of these babies.
Under the indispensable condition of Repentance and penance, the priest will not violate church rules allowing a woman erupted by will conceived fruit, to participate in the worship of the Church, and after the expiration of the period of penance- and in the Sacrament of Holy Communion" - from the book of Archpriest Gennady (Nefedov) "Sacraments and Rites of the Orthodox Church".

Tusse writes:

How does this happen if a woman has a miscarriage? Is it possible to attend church right away? U future daughter-in-law a few days ago there was a miscarriage, and in a couple of days they are going to get married.

Here you need to first find out whether her miscarriage was voluntary or involuntary. And about the attitude towards the voluntary or involuntary eruption of the fetus of a conceived child, see the above excerpt.