How does a strong and independent woman work? Weak true femininity

Instead of an introduction. Porcelain tiles, concrete and loaf.

Hello, I'm strong independent woman. I’m almost 30. Yes, yes, the same one as in the picture about the lady with cats, only real. I celebrate my birthday alone, I do everything myself. I don’t need money - I have enough, and by definition I don’t need someone else’s money. It just so happened that one of my friends is the reflection in the mirror, and a cat, and that’s where my everyday life ends. Yes, I am typical, there are many of us like that.

Another man found himself out of work again, fortunately we didn’t move in together - there were fewer worries when parting. After the next there was another, after the next another. woman's heart it is like this: he quite quickly transfers his love from one object to another, with the caveat that before this the love was not real. With us, you know, the mother’s “warm”, “caress” is much greater and higher than any of your “fuck” (although one does not interfere with the second), but the first moves us with much greater force. I want to quote my favorite prose writer alone and deeply thinking women(they do everything deeply, from thoughts to squats, to you know what). “In general, the word fuck,” reasoned Ksyusha (and Ksyusha can definitely do a lot), “makes the difficult task of Russian fucking easier.”


Let's get back to the men. There is no stronger sex. The strong floor is porcelain tiles, which I will soon install in my bathroom. Here it is strong, shockproof and will endure anything. I also like concrete, brutal.

Men themselves have a less dense structure, more like a loaf rather than concrete. I became indecently well versed in the composition of the opposite sex, after my last man (who was next to the next one). Everything started suspiciously well: there were, ideals, values, we even went to the gym together. We moved in together. Everything would be fine, but after some time, I began to understand that before me and in parallel with me, a person led a completely cheerful and obscene life. It's hard to be a smart woman and notice everything. If there was a person who cut off half of my frontal (not pubic!) lobe along with the gray contents, I would be much happier. I have one enemy - my brain, and it definitely does not want to see me in marriage. Naturally, scandal after scandal ensued; I quickly became turned on by the revealed deceptions, especially if this was reinforced by condoms falling out of my pockets (which were clearly not used with me) and his constant excursions to the toilet/shower/kitchen with the phone.

More than anything else, I hate it when people lie to me. Lying to me is wasting your time and mine. I never understood men in this, well, you don’t pretend to serious relationship, so why start all this at all - living/being/painting joint plans? We women are not a people forever young and beautiful, but you are Once again spoiling our ripe years.

By the way, I can also explain why men are still gender: when you open up the old floorboards, you can find a lot of interesting things there, rotten, hidden, a person who does not paint at all. So I opened this rickety covering - I suffocated from a cloud of dust, and in the end we parted ways. Or rather, when we separated, I kicked him out. Fortunately, by the time I was 30, I managed to buy my own apartment and not depend on anyone. I would like to point out that for a woman to have her own personal corner is as necessary as air, because there is zero hope for men and their housing. This is their home - their fortress, and in this house, often, one dust-wiping lover replaces another.

I kicked him out the same way they once kicked me out: in winter, on the street, without money, where in order to rent a house I had to sell my only camera. But that's a completely different story. To be continued…

Strong and independent women are very easy to identify. They differ from others not in one quality, but in a whole set. You want to follow such women, you want to listen to them and respect them. Some men are afraid to build relationships with such women because it is difficult to be stronger than them. Still, this is amazing quality! Here are the 15 main differences between independent women and others.

1. She knows how to make decisions. Such a woman does this even when she knows that it may hurt someone's feelings. She is not cruel, but is rather cold-blooded in some of her actions.

2. She is independent. As a rule, independent women do not need help. They will not ask for it unless absolutely necessary, because they are able to achieve everything on their own.

3. She succeeds. Whatever she undertakes, she will do it to a victorious result. Such women do not tolerate defeat.

4. She doesn't complain. A strong and independent woman will never complain about life. She will cope with all difficulties because her goal is success.

5. She tells the truth. Such a woman is not afraid to say what she thinks. She knows that a bitter truth is better than a sweet lie.

6. She is confident. Such a woman is well aware of her strengths and weaknesses. She skillfully turns the latter into her advantages.

7. She is self-sufficient. Although such a woman is not against starting a family, she is still able to provide for her own life, and not rely on her parents or her husband.

8. She is creative. Such a woman knows when to give herself credit and reward her with a gift or praise. She knows how to appreciate her work and her achievements.

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9. She doesn't need public opinion. The point is that an independent woman does not need to brag about her achievements in in social networks. She doesn't care about the opinions of strangers.

10. She is goal-oriented. There is nothing that could make her change the course she has chosen. She sees the goal and does not see obstacles.

11. She is active. A strong and independent woman has amazing leadership qualities.

12. She takes risks. It doesn’t matter what it concerns (work, family, leisure), but such a woman is always ready to take risks if she sees the point in it.

13. She is not a victim. A strong woman will never cry into her vest or pretend to be offended.

14. She invests in herself. Such a woman will not refuse a second education or self-development courses. She will buy herself whatever she sees fit, because she deserves it!

15. She is not waiting for a man. Of course, she is not against relationships and family, but she will never sit by the window waiting for her betrothed. If she decides to start a family, she will create one.

Sounds inspiring, right? Not everyone can be such a woman, but there is always something to strive for!

Translation and adaptation: Marketium

By the way, the Germans adhere to the same tradition, defining a woman’s place in space with the phrase “Kitchen. Children. Church". Today's women strive to be independent. This is good. But is every woman capable of this same independence?

Independence is possible only for women with a sharp mind, strong character and some degree of cunning. It is worth remembering that many Russian men consider independence their prerogative and try to defend it in every possible way. This desire is quite harmful to men’s attitude towards independent women.

Any more or less adult and independent man will try to make his significant other - his wife or girlfriend - depend on him. If not financially, then morally. And he will try to maintain and strengthen this dependence with a phrase like: “Well, I finished graduate school, but you still can’t recover in technical school!” Or this: “I’m already the head of the department, and you’re still a simple secretary. Quit your job and stay home!” Wealthy heads of families, by the way, more often than others tend to enroll their wives as housewives. Or tough and rude: a woman’s place is at the stove! Or more correctly: why should you bother with strangers, you’ll meet a child from school, you’ll cook lunch…. And then, you see, they will completely deprive you of the right to vote: “I said, you listen.” And, by the way, attention will be paid to those same independent women!

In order not to turn into a dumb housewife who is completely dependent on her husband for everything, you need to defend your interests from the very beginning. Gently, but consistently and persistently. Independent women are attractive precisely because they decide for themselves what to read, what to wear, where to go. And they don’t expect money and gifts from the faithful, who, by the way, can control everything down to the last penny in a humiliating way. But being the master of your own destiny is an exciting and respectable activity. After all, you have your own position, your own salary and your own opportunities - to get an education or take cardio striptease courses.

Do not agree? Do you think good attitude Men can be won over rather by submission, and independent women often greet lonely old age by crying sadly at the window? Don’t believe it, diligent housewives say this out of envy. And just as often they are left alone in a much more unenviable situation, much more unprotected. Because independence is responsibility, for yourself, for your children, for the work you do. And also the habit of making independent and informed decisions. U strong woman, By at least, there is a stable job and a stable salary and housing.

A successful woman often has the ability to think outside the box, good education, dressed and made up with taste. She knows how to attract attention and attracts men precisely with her independence. And getting married is not a problem for an intelligent and independent woman. It’s easy to tie a man in love even more by demonstrating his little weaknesses.

“Everyone chooses their own woman, religion, path”... And each woman herself will have to choose whether to leave her favorite job for the sake of her family. Or learn to combine family life and career. Remembering that friends, work, hobbies help you change and grow much faster, strengthening family relationships. After all, independent women get strong and successful men who value intelligence, spiritual wealth, and unusualness in their women.

To be a strong, independent woman means to be able to find your own happiness. This means that self-confidence does not depend on the attitude of any person or society as a whole. This means having emotional independence and the ability to build relationships with others. healthy relationships without becoming dependent. This means learning to express yourself as you are: shy and quiet or assertive and loud. There is no need to try to squeeze yourself into any framework. Read this article about how to embrace the woman you are and want to become.

Steps

Part 1

Put yourself first. If you notice that you are missing something - be it privacy, peace of mind or attention - try to satisfy this need. If you need attention, take a day to pamper yourself in some way. If you need solitude, take time to journal or go for a walk in nature. If you need peace of mind, spend time thinking about what you love about yourself, take yourself to a restaurant for dinner or to a movie. The simpler you are about meeting your own needs and the faster you do it for yourself, the more healthy relationships you will be able to build with other people, since understanding yourself will allow you to better express yourself in front of your partner.

Learn to recognize addictive relationships. If you are a codependent person, you will quickly find that this relationship defines your entire life. Perhaps you are obsessed with thoughts about this person and cannot make your own decisions without consulting him. Start overcoming codependency by being vigilant about the following: warning signs:

• Low self-esteem
• Pleasing others
• Blurred personal boundaries
• Reactivity
• Helpfulness
• Control
• Dysfunctional communications
• Alcohol and drug abuse
• Addiction
• Negation
• Inability to spend time alone with oneself
• Painful emotions.

1. Learn to set personal boundaries. Set personal boundaries by making your own needs a priority. For example, set boundaries about how much time you spend with a person, or how much criticism you are willing to accept. Make sure that in addition to romantic relationships There were other relationships and activities in your life: school, work, friends, self-care, or your family.

   • Set personal boundaries in your relationships with people and explain that you have a need for your own independence. Once you agree on certain boundaries, stick to those agreements.

2. Don't let yourself be offended. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, real world you need to be able to stand up for yourself if you don’t want to be constantly taken advantage of by other people. You need to learn not to give yourself offense, both at school and at work, and in any other society. Develop self-confidence. Don't be ashamed of your confidence or apologize for it. Confidence is golden mean between passivity and aggression.

   Believe in yourself. Believing in your abilities and achievements is empowering. Go for what you need and want. If you lack confidence or constantly play the victim, you run the risk of everyone around you getting their needs met at your expense while you never get what you want.

   When someone hurts your feelings, speak up. If someone somehow hurts you with their betrayal, be sure to tell the person about it. Sharing your emotions can be difficult, especially if you are feeling hurt or angry. But telling the person how you feel can help them prevent similar behavior in the future.

   • For example, you could say, “I was offended when you said you didn’t like my hair. I would be grateful if you would no longer criticize my appearance.”

3. Do not leave disrespectful and offensive comments without your attention. If you hear someone make a disrespectful comment, don't remain silent. There is no need to get into an argument. Let this person know that you did not appreciate what he just said.

4. Recognize your own uniqueness and the uniqueness of those around you. Strive to develop empathy and joy for others, recognizing their unique talents and abilities, and treat yourself the same way! Every woman has her own advantages, be it math skills, artistic talent or leadership skills. Accept all your abilities and gifts and love yourself for them.

   Part 2

   Take responsibility for your sexuality

   Part 3

   Take care of your health

   Part 4

   Manage your finances

   Part 5

   Follow your dreams

   Part 6

   Support your community
   • Choice a certain woman as an example of a strong woman can have an inspiring effect. Such a woman could be one of the family members, a supporter of women's equality, an actress or a politician.
   • Love and respect yourself. What we send into this Universe, as a rule, comes back to us. So be careful what you send out there.

   Sources and resources

   1. Lancer, D. (2013). Symptoms of codependency. PsychCentral. Retrieved from http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/00011992
   2. Coyne, S.M., Linder, J.R., Nelson, D.A., & Gentile, D.A. (2012). ‘Frenemies, fraitors, and mean-em-aitors’: Priming effects of viewing physical and relational aggression in the media on women. Aggressive Behavior, 38(2), p. 141-149. doi: 10.1002/ab.21410
   3. Ostrov, J.M., Hart, E.J., Kamper, K.E., Godleski, S.A. (2011). Relational aggression in women during emerging adulthood: A social processes model. Behavioral Sciences & The Law, 29(5), 695-710. doi:10.1002/bsl.1002
   4. Stevens, T. G. (2014). Assertive communication skills to create understanding and intimacy. Retrieved from

Don't wait - act!

Any, even the most insignificant movement forward is more effective than stupid waiting. They don't call after the interview? Call yourself and find out when a decision will be made. Boyfriend can't decide on plans for the weekend? Plan your leisure time independently of it. Can not for a long time get a raise? Consider other companies or related vacancies. It is better to try many options and not get what you want than to do nothing at all. No one will do more for you than yourself.

Don't think about how they evaluate you. Evaluate it yourself

There is little pleasure in sitting on a date in a cafe and wondering, “How do I like him?” You've probably noticed that men often don't even consider the possibility that they might not like you. So relax, sit back and evaluate your boyfriend in all respects. At the same time, you will decide whether he is interesting to you or not.

Don't wishful thinking

Imagine how much time you can save if you don't waste time interpreting signals male sympathy. What difference does it make how he looked and whether he laid it? thumb for the belt of his trousers, if he still hasn’t called and offered to meet? An axiom tested by generations of women says: a man doesn’t call for two reasons: either he doesn’t want to, or he’s dead. Best attitude- this is calm optimism and the absence of mood swings due to someone’s calls or lack thereof.

Know how to cheer yourself up

How to become successful and independent? Don’t let yourself become sore because your boss scolded you for being late, an elderly lady was rude in public transport, or your friend criticized you. new haircut. Other people should not negatively influence your emotional condition and undermine self-esteem. To stay in good shape, keep in mind a solid list of things that you enjoy: a warm bath with a book, a cup of coffee with syrup, going to the pool or going for a pedicure. Compensate for failure with pleasure.

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Don't get over yourself

Self-love is the first step in any relationship in your life. Don't expect others to love you more than you love yourself. The most valuable relationships in a person’s life is a relationship with oneself. What matters is what you think about yourself. You can’t feel emotionally comfortable in the morning if the night before you sat in the office late doing someone else’s work. When you don’t want to do something, politely refuse, and you will feel what “a weight off your shoulders” and “lightness in your soul” means.

Don't compare yourself to others

Comparing your successes with the successes of others often leads to envy. How to become an independent girl? If you are unhappy that Lenka from the marketing department has received a promotion, but you, a procurement specialist, have not yet, think about what does not suit you in your situation. Do you not feel valued, are you working outside of your calling, or do you firmly believe that high status guarantees moral satisfaction? Comparing yourself with Lenka is the same as comparing south with north, and day with night.

Develop your abilities

Harmonious personal and Professional Development can make you happier and have a positive impact on your self-esteem. Regularly do what you are good at and what you really enjoy. Learn to do it really well. And sometimes it’s useful to trust some technique for identifying innate tendencies. You may not develop them, but you will certainly take note of them. What you don't do in your daily work can be turned into a hobby. Developing talent cultivates qualities that can be valuable in both your career and personal life.

Develop missing skills

You probably know the feeling of reluctance to take on a task that requires the use of tools that you do not know well. For example, you don’t like working in Excel and always procrastinate when preparing a report in this program. Ask a colleague to show you a few functions, and you'll finish reporting faster next month.

Here's what Brian Tracy, author of books on self-development and leadership, writes about the missing skills: “You can learn masterful time management just like you can learn anything, and here's a big clue: you may be missing just one time management skill to double your income. You may be missing just one business skill! You probably already know what this skill is...”

Forgive yourself for your weaknesses

Weaknesses are like curls on fingerprints; without them, it would be impossible to identify who the fingers belong to. Weaknesses make us not only imperfect, but also humane, because they teach us to accept the weaknesses of others. Forgive yourself not laziness or bad habits, but some addictions and distinctive features: love of coffee, clutter on the table, slowness or excessive talkativeness. Although such little things take you away from the ideal, they work great for your corporate style.

Be financially independent

Material independence gives you an advantage in everything. Girls who are able to take care of themselves are respected more, and you yourself feel much more confident having a stable income. You can be a real master of your life only if you don’t ask for anything from anyone and don’t expect anything from anyone. An independent girl can afford expenses that some would consider unreasonable: spa treatments, shoes to lift her spirits, lunch at a restaurant, lots of swimsuits or taxi services. And also, in order to become an independent woman, it is advisable to increase your own emergency reserve, putting aside 5-10% of your salary every month. If the funds stop coming, you will not be lost.

Be free from prejudice

Some people initially accept for themselves the rules of life that the majority live by. In everything you need to listen to the advice of your parents, always give up your seat in transport, work only in your specialty, after two years of relationship you must get married, preferably before the age of 25, and there must be at least two children. Such attitudes are only suitable for you if you accept them for yourself. To curious neighbors eager to know when you will finally get married, it is better to answer politely but firmly: “As soon as I have such a desire, I will immediately inform you about it.”

Text: Marina Lysenko and Anzhelika Zakharina