Why men lie and how to bring them to clean water. My boyfriend is cheating on me what should I do

Women and girls often complain that the guy is constantly lying. More often this is not even a lie, but an exaggeration on the part of a man, but not every girl is ready to forgive a guy or a beloved man. Consider why a man lies to a woman, and how to deal with it.

Why is this happening

If a man is lying, you should find out the reasons for such male tactics, then his motives will become clear and it will be possible to plan further actions. The reason may be quite deep.

It may be that when a man lies, he simply shows a defensive reaction, learned from childhood. It is possible that in childhood they demanded a detailed account of each step from him, did not leave one for a minute, and severely punished for any trifles.

Later, he realized that when he lies about trifles, he is less questioned, and that any events can be embellished and made the way the questioner wants them to be. Such behavior for a guy can become a permanent pattern of behavior when he is already lying subconsciously. American psychologists believe that absolutely all people always lie - to others or to themselves.

How to spot a lie

When a guy is lying, his subconscious is clearly aware of this, and it can be quite difficult to hide it. Psychology highlights the following gestures that will help you find out when a man is deceiving a woman:

• The position in which the hands are in the pockets may suggest that the man is lying.
• Another type of gesture is touching your face, neck, shoulders, trying to close your mouth with your palm.
• Vague emotions like grins, tension and shrugging, twitching.
• Worry about appearance during a conversation, adjusting clothes.
• A man hides details, answers uncertainly, repeats the same thing.

But you should not immediately conclude that a man is lying, since it is possible to understand that this is really the case only taking into account the individual characteristics of a person. Some men always behave this way with women - insecure and confused.

In addition, having discovered something was wrong, you should not immediately call the young man with tantrums and bring down a flurry of accusations and evidence on him. Most likely, the young man will not even listen to the hysteria about “how bad he is, and they trusted him.”

How to respond correctly

Having found out why he can do this, consider how to behave with a guy or a man who is used to lying all the time. First of all, do not seek advice from your friends. Everyone lies at least once in their life, but when they hear about other people's sins, they act as strict judges. It is unlikely that anything will change from their advice, but dirty linen will be taken out of the house, as the well-known saying goes, and your loved one may be considered a person who often lies.

If a man constantly seeks to deceive, you should not become for him something like a mother who controls every step. In this case, men are guided by only one instinct: mom will forgive everything.

This approach leads to the fact that the guys are deceiving in the same way as they lied, and constant scandals will only build an insurmountable wall between you. To do everything right, solve the problem step by step.

Convince the man that you yourself are not lying, and you want reciprocity in this regard. If a guy is constantly lying, you need to make it clear to him that these omissions make your relationship worse, and that the bitter truth will always be better than the sweetest lie. Someday the lie is revealed anyway. Remember what to do if a guy is used to lying, something will not work out with lightning speed.

Is it worth it to denounce lies

In most cases, the psychology of such lies is harmless and should not be treated as the end of the world. If, when figuring out whether he is lying, you unequivocally found affirmative arguments, try to judge them correctly.

For example, you found an amount of money that you did not know about. It is possible that he just wanted to give a gift. The psychological side of the issue is such that by constant reproaches you will only provoke his even greater closeness, and he also understands this.

In addition, by catching him in a lie, you hurt his male pride. And the male psyche endures it very hard. The best option for girls is to turn this lie into a joke after a while. So she will be convinced that she was right, and men's feelings will not be affected.

Little lies

Women's experiences and suspicions can sometimes be caused by the most harmless exaggeration. Girls believe that a person who lies on trifles will deceive on a larger scale.

In fact, the opposite also happens. A person who can be relied upon in any, even the most difficult life situation, is absolutely honest and sincere, but in small things he likes to exaggerate a little. From the point of view of psychology, most men tend to exaggerate their achievements and successes, downplaying failures, and no advice can help here.

Perhaps he is trying to be more successful in the eyes of the second half, overestimating his achievements. Accept this as a manifestation of his love and desire to be better, more successful, smarter, more beautiful for you. In this case, you can’t compare him with your colleagues or friends, since his pride will simply be trampled underfoot and not a single psychologist’s advice will help resolve the issue.

If nothing helped

It also happens that not a single request and exhortation affects a person. He admits that this is not right, understands all the hints about his dishonesty, but systematically continues to do the same.

If lying becomes a serious obstacle to your relationship, you will have to go to the dialogue. It should be a dialogue that the relationship is in limbo, and there is no reason to lie. But in no case should you go over to reproaches and listing all cases of deception.

Explain that you are okay with meeting friends, do not pretend to be a full transfer of salary to the general budget and are ready to accept him as he is, so that he does not come up with incredible stories about blockages at work or downplay his earnings.

When the chosen one realizes that there really are no reasons for lying, his behavior may change. Also, as a lesson, you can try to behave similarly. To lie about something that he knows the truth for sure, and do it openly and confidently. Then he will be in your place and will be able to understand the transferred emotions.

How to choose the right approach

It should not be ruled out that lies are the result of banal indifference. To exclude such an option is already a lie to oneself. If there are suspicions that the young man does not have the same feelings, it is worth talking about it - calmly and without tantrums. Burdening each other with an undesirable union is highly undesirable.

If the fantasies, exaggerations and fables of the chosen one are innocent, you should not even be especially worried about this. Exaggerating the size of a fry once caught on a fishing trip or giving a heroic shade to one's former qualities is quite normal behavior.

But a serious and big lie that can set you up and seriously mislead you is a real reason for a serious conversation and raising the question point-blank, since not a single behavior should become a wedge between loving people.

“Better the bitter truth than the sweet lie” - we often hear from people this common, but sometimes contradictory expression. But more often it happens that a lie can really be to the rescue. Having learned the truth, sometimes life breaks down for people, especially for spouses. Well, for example, a man accidentally changed his wife, she found out the truth, the family broke up, it was not possible to understand and forgive, but they could continue to live as before. But for some wives, it’s already itching to find out if her husband is lying to her - they say, I don’t want to be a fool in the eyes of others. Well, it is for such curious women that this article is written.

Most often - from distrust in the family. Or to save a loved one from the bitter truth, because some problems are only temporary.

For example, my husband is in trouble at work. But everything can be destroyed. The wife asks what is going on and realizes that the husband is a liar because he swears to her that everything is fine, but something is not right.

What does the wife do. He calls colleagues, finds out the lies of his spouse, runs to the boss, threatens with all sorts of authorities and fulfills his threats. What does the boss do. Dismisses this poor fellow under article, depriving material calculations. What does the husband do? He remains without work, it is difficult to get a job, his family is in poverty, his wife is in hysterics.

And the problem would have been solved if the wife had not run in search of the truth. And the man, knowing the absurd nature of his wife, could not trust her with what he could easily deal with. But this is not the only example. There are many: the desire to meet friends is “veiled” by being busy at work. I want to buy a new game - stash is being made. Distrust is the main enemy of the family!

Physiognomy lesson

“I can see in your eyes that you’re lying” - such a phrase is often said by parents to their children, realizing that their child is a little liar. It would seem that such a number will not work with adults. And here it is not. Anyone who is at least a little familiar with physiognomy can understand where the lie is and where the truth is. Even in voice and gestures. Well here are some examples.

Eyes

The one who is calm and not going to deceive looks like this:

• right-down (a sign of confidence);
• right-straight (remembering sounds);
• right-up (visual memory);
• left-down (memories of sensations and smells).

Anyone who wants to lie will look like this:

• left-up (a sign of fantasy, unrealistic pictures);
• left-straight (going to voice the deception).

And only straight-looking eyes are a sign that a person is carefully listening to his counterpart. By the way, at this time, a man can also study your view of lies and truth.

Recognizing a liar by general facial expressions is much easier than just one eye. But sometimes the facial expressions of male liars are much "more eloquent" than female ones. For example, men, unlike the weaker sex, often scratch their noses when deceived. This is due to the fact that men have an excitable receptor zone in their nose, unlike women. Do you remember such a fabulous guy - Pinocchio? Lies - the nose grows.

But here are some more secrets of deceitful facial expressions:

The pursing of the lower lip indicates that the man is unlikely to keep the promise. Biting lips - clearly lurking somewhere lies. A person, as it were, restrains his superfluous words, fearing that by doing so he will be convicted of deceit. A crooked smile with one corner of his lips - the emotion of a man is insincere. Tense and slightly trembling corners of the lips are a sign of gloating.

A raised (crumpled) chin means that a man is angry and annoyed towards you, no matter how he smiles. By the way, such a false smile can be given out by “not laughing” eyes that do not narrow at all.

If you told him some news, and the man is surprised for more than 10 seconds with violent emotions and facial expressions, then this is a sign that he already knew everything in advance. Since after 10 seconds a truthful person needs to comprehend the news, which means that the emotion will change.

And the most famous sign, coupled with all of the above, is the reddening of the cheeks and ears of liars. They are ashamed that they lie. However, this has nothing to do with those who are naturally able to blush due to some external influences, for example, due to the weather.

Fragment from the film "Liar, Liar"

arrow_left Fragment from the film "Liar, Liar"

Gestures and body movements

You probably noticed how a naughty dog ​​behaves, which was found next to a gnawed boot? He tries to turn away, step back, hide. He is immensely ashamed, but he cannot say anything to lie. Liars behave in much the same way, with the only difference being that they can still lie.

The deceiver will hide his eyes, as if he is distracted by something more important, he will want to turn away, step back. The body movements are slightly nervous, especially the shoulders - they twitch a little, as if a person wants to throw off the burden of an unpleasant conversation. Hands will pull the collar, neck, tie - lies begin to choke.

By the way, pay special attention to gestures, everything is hidden there. Hands that hug themselves beloved, hidden in a pocket or behind the back, fingers clasped in the lock - all this indicates a lie. A person does not want to thereby betray his excitement - suddenly shaking hands will declassify him.

By the way, in a lying person who has already become inflamed and proves his case with foam at the mouth, gestures simply begin to dance. Now he shakes his index finger, allegedly threatening, then he sharply lowers his hand with his palm down, supposedly suppressing his counterpart, but all this is, again, a kind of defense.

Almost everything lies. The politician broadcasts from the podium about how much good he will do for the people - everyone understands that he is lying, but they hope for at least a crumb of truth. The lawyer lies to protect his client, but that's his job. Professional liars do it competently, you can’t find fault with them. But for an ordinary person, this is more difficult to do.

A person who speaks the truth will not generalize: “Everyone is talking about it!” To the question: “Who exactly?”, He will not repeat: “Yes, everyone!”. He will specifically name the person. And in general - his whole story will be brief, without unnecessary details. Some little things in the story are a red herring. Moreover, these details can be dubbed two or three times: “So I went out, I went out, and when I went out, I met her.”

But the specific things that interest a woman will be crumpled and skipped. For example:

Well, in general, this aunt, like her there, left, and then, can you imagine, I decided not to go by car, but for now it’s light on the street - the sun is shining hot, the birds are chirping, the weather is super, I decided to take a walk.

Aunt "what's her name" is crumpled, but there are so many details about the weather!

When talking, there are two options to hide a lie: either a person proves his “truth” quickly and excitedly, or controls his every word when he is confused in his testimony. There is an opportunity to bring him to clean water - let the "truth-seeker" tell his version exactly the opposite, that is, from the end of events to its beginning. It is unlikely that, entangled in a lie, he will succeed.

Do you need the truth

And further. "Twisting" yourself, you run the risk of becoming a bitch. Like the one that is described in detail in the article. Men don't like that. In the end, you willy-nilly teach your own spouse to lie, and thereby destroy the family yourself. So enlist the golden rule:

The less you know the better you sleep.

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her methodology has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Even a small but regular lie over time can destroy any relationship, and if we are talking about the relationship between a man and a woman, even more so.

From time to time, almost every woman doubts her man, such is female psychology. But how to understand whether these experiences are empty, or there are still reasons to experience? If you are looking for how to understand that a man is lying, then you should definitely pay attention to several important aspects. By giving them a little time, you will definitely be able to answer your question.

How to recognize cheating in a relationship?

Modern psychologists note several aspects, paying attention to which, one can easily recognize a lie or refute it. It is about them that we will talk.

1 aspect. "Fussy Movements"

Trying to understand that a man is lying, be sure to pay attention to the movements of his hands. Ask your partner if he is hiding something from you and observe.

A person who speaks the truth will answer calmly and confidently, and his hands will be in a calm position.

If a man is hiding something, he will probably constantly fiddle with his buttons, watch, wedding ring or other small details during the conversation. So a man who deceives, tries to randomly select thoughts, trying not to give out his lies. Involuntary concentration on the hands and vain movements are the first signs that you are being lied to.

2 aspect. "Lip Biting"

Hands are calm - it means that your man is either clean in front of you or well prepared. So either calm down, or ... look for other signs of how to recognize a lie and understand that you are being lied to. Another proven method will help here. If a man bites his lip during a conversation, this may also indicate that he is not completely sincere with you. This fact is confirmed by psychologists, and if you are interested in how to understand that you are lying, you should definitely take note of it.

3 aspect. "Look to the side"

It is easy to remember what children look like when reciting a poem at school. Their gaze always goes somewhere to the side, because in this way they try to remember everything that they have learned.

Do you suspect that the man has made up a legend for you? As he speaks, watch how he speaks.

If your eyes jump from corner to corner or freeze on one subject, you have reason to think about the honesty of his words.

Such signs of lies are simply impossible not to notice.

4 aspect. "The lie is out"

Many people blush instantly when they are nervous. And if it is not always possible to understand why men lie, then it is quite simple to catch them on this basis. Speaking a lie, a man instantly begins to worry that he will be “bitten”. The body, reacting just as quickly, increases blood flow, and the lie becomes obvious. So it is worth paying attention to this aspect.

5 aspect. "Diction"

If you want to know how to recognize deceit, pay attention to your man's answers. If he does not answer in the usual way, for example, draws out his words, or, on the contrary, speaks too quickly, this may directly indicate deception. Speaking quickly, a man may simply try to get away from a revealing conversation, and slow speech helps to come up with another legend on the go. So, paying attention to the diction of your man, you can recognize a lie in a relationship really quickly.

6 aspect. "Speed ​​of responses"

There is a proven way to understand that a man is lying during a conversation. Demand immediate answers from him. You don't have to think too long to tell the truth, but a lie will take a minute or two. If there is still a lie in the relationship, you will notice it. A man will constantly draw out words, speak in interjections and breathe heavily in an attempt to figure out and pick up the most similar answers to the truth.

7 aspect. "Consistent with what has been said before"

To recognize a lie, ask your man to repeat to you yesterday's reasons for being late at work or the events of the night before last. If a man tells the truth, then his answers will converge in everything. When a person deceives, the information will constantly change, and it will be very easy to bring him to clean water.

Ask clarifying questions, but don't be a sleuth and don't dig too deep trying to get the real answer to why your man is lying.

Especially if he is honest with you.

8 aspect. "Manipulation"

When a woman is looking for a way to recognize deception, and a man begins to understand this, he can use the mass. Statements like: "Don't you believe me?", "Can I deceive you?" - it's just a way to make a woman feel guilty, who, having found signs of a lie, wants to know the truth. Yielding to such manipulations, you are unlikely to find out the truth. If you notice manipulation in the form of such statements, accusations against yourself, or even aggression, try to ignore them and insist on a frank, but at the same time calm conversation.

Take note and act!

By adopting these first signs of a lie in a relationship, you can easily separate the lie from the truth, and understand whether your chosen one is sincere with you or not.

If you have caught a man in a lie more than once, you should think about it. Deception can destroy even the strongest family. Try to figure out what caused this behavior.

Secrets of the Madrid Court

When asked about what connected him with this or that girl, the beloved always answers: “Nothing but friendly relations.” You know for sure that this is far from being the case, but he does not confess even after interrogation with passion.

Why is he lying?

Each of us has his own skeleton in the closet, and everyone, and your chosen one is no exception, has the right not to remember the unpleasant moments of the past. Maybe leave the right to choose what to talk about and what not to him?

If a lie is not such a frequent occurrence, you should not focus on it. However, making it clear that it is better to avoid cheating in your relationship is still worth it. You just need to talk about it in time and calmly. An unfriendly tone can only worsen the relationship, but you don’t want that at all, do you?

Lies as self-defense

Sometimes any person lies for the sake of salvation. I was late for the celebration of your anniversary, did not buy flowers for the anniversary, and you never know what other situation can lead to the fact that the faithful will be forced to lie. You can make it clear that you are aware that he is lying and spoiling himself and his mood, you can start making plans for terrible revenge, or you can cry and pretend that you did not notice anything.

Why is he lying?

Most likely, he is really very ashamed of his misconduct, otherwise he would not have tried so hard to justify himself. Maybe he is afraid of your anger, so he does not want to admit to another misconduct. Perhaps you should reconsider your attitude towards your beloved man and figure out if his lies are caused by your authoritarian behavior.

Poseur

As soon as the right audience is found, your lover seems to blossom and begins to lie at any opportunity. In a conversation, he recalls well-known personalities and tells stories from his heroic past.

Why is he lying?

Perhaps your hero is weary of his mediocre life. Most likely, in fact, his self-esteem is low, so he tries to convince everyone of his exclusivity. Catching admiring glances and listening to compliments is so nice, so why not give your loved one such an opportunity? If you are seriously annoyed by his demeanor, you should try to play along with him and gently lower him from heaven.

irresponsible type

Here he will promise from three boxes, and then he will forget about all his promises. Empty promises can seriously upset family well-being. Forgetfulness and irresponsibility can one day play a cruel joke on you.

Why is he lying?

He was simply not taught to be responsible. Everything always got away with him, and he was used to it. Why bother worrying about your neighbors, if everything is perfectly resolved without him? This position is very attractive. Perhaps you yourself taught him this manner of behavior, not paying attention to his petty misconduct.

Fighting selfishness can be very difficult, but not impossible. Try Rousseau's method of natural consequences on him. Didn't buy groceries - stay hungry. In this case, he will be forced to fulfill his promises. The main thing - do not swear and do not make scenes.

Conformist

He always agrees with everything. Whatever you ask, there is only one answer: “You are so smart, you, dear, know better.” As a result, all problems have to be solved independently. On the one hand, it’s not bad to be the head of the family, but according to Senka, is it a hat?

Why is he lying?

Most likely, he is simply lazy by nature and therefore took such a comfortable position in life. Why bother if he has you?

Skillful flattery - and now you yourself solve all the problems, relieving him of all the difficulties. Unfortunately, often women themselves provoke partners to such behavior.

If you do not want to bear the entire burden of responsibility for your family happiness on your fragile shoulders, involve your husband more often in solving family problems. Accustom a man to the idea that you simply cannot cope without him. Do not skimp on compliments, and the result will not be long in coming.

Macho

He tries to solve all his problems himself, and you are often the last to know about them. He is guided by the credo: “My problems are only my problems,” so he does not consider it necessary to inform you of all his troubles.

Why is he lying?

Many men suffer from the "macho" syndrome. There can be several reasons for keeping all your troubles a secret. Maybe he is afraid of an undesirable reaction on your part, and perhaps from childhood he was used to coping with all the difficulties on his own. It is likely that he is simply afraid to fall into the dirt in front of you.

You can, of course, not notice his omissions, but this will not contribute to your rapprochement and trusting relationship. No need to constantly ask about everything in common friends and pester him with questions. Just talk to him about the fact that no one is safe from mistakes, even such a wonderful man as he is. Let him know how important it is for you to know that he is frank with you. Teach him not to divide problems into his and yours.

son of a liar

If it was customary in the husband’s family to lie with or without reason, most likely, he will often deceive you. From childhood, he is accustomed to cover up his parents and himself in front of others. Lies for him - the most comfortable and familiar way of existence.

Why is he lying?

From infancy, he got used to the fact that his parents lie to each other and later began to take an example from them. A habit developed in childhood will be quite difficult to deal with. However, lying is not a genetic disease and it is simply necessary to fight it.

It will be very difficult, if not impossible, to change the established pattern of behavior. If a man himself does not see anything wrong with lying, it will be very difficult to re-educate him. You can try to take this weakness of his easier or just turn a blind eye to it.

How to recognize a lie?

In order to understand that you are being deceived, it is not necessary to have a lie detector. The liar is betrayed by his gestures.

Here are the most common gestures by which you can recognize a lie:

- the interlocutor rubs his neck or tries to loosen the shirt collar;

- he scratches the tip of his nose or eyelids;

- the interlocutor does not look you in the eye;

– he covers his eyes or mouth with his hands;

– he comes up with an “incredibly plausible” story.

Facts about lies.

– The “average” person lies up to 10 times a day.

- If you do not finish, it does not mean that you are lying.

“Sometimes telling the truth is much more harmful than lying.

- Women's lies are almost impossible to detect, as women think through the details more carefully.

- Men lie more than women.

- Women are better at detecting lies due to intuition and the ability to understand facial expressions.

Phrases by which you can determine if they are lying to you.

- If a man boasts that he has a lot of admirers, most likely it is not so.

Sober people never make excuses about drinking alcohol.

- If a man says that everyone he had before you is not worth your little finger, most likely he just wants to earn your favor.

- A man who talks about the fact that he was disappointed in a weaker field is simply inflating his worth. Otherwise, why would he tell you all this?

- If a man says that he is not made for marriage and a serious relationship, he just wants to relieve himself of responsibility, because he does not take you seriously.

There are thousands of reasons for lying, as well as ways to fight it. It must be remembered that even the most harmless lie can cause quarrels and even partings. Understand yourself and think about whether your behavior too often causes your partner to resort to deception. Be wiser and more loyal, do not provoke your partner and do not make scandals for the most insignificant reasons!

Instruction

A man skilled in deceit is not so easy to expose. But still, there are enough signs by which you can understand that the partner is not very reliable. And the very first of them is the failure to fulfill the promise. A man who does not take relationships seriously lies in everything, even in small things. Promise to buy bread - and forget about it. He will say that he will return from work at seven in the evening, and will arrive after midnight. Offer to spend the weekend together and disappear without explanation. All these actions very clearly show that a man does not value relationships. He is indifferent to the feelings of a woman, he considers himself practically free, and is hardly ready for family relationships. With such a man, you should not try to build something serious. He will fit only for the role of an incoming lover during the absence of a truly reliable and honest partner.

The second sign that - his imaginary forgetfulness. A person who tells a lie does not remember it. And if there are a lot of lies, the man will definitely get confused. And then you can catch him. If some conversation or fact has raised doubts, you can return to it after some time, for example, after a week. If new details began to emerge, the story is very different from the previous one, most likely the man is deceiving. If this is not an isolated case, it is worth considering whether a relationship is needed in which there is no responsibility to the partner.

You can understand that a man is cheating by facial expressions. Moving eyes, looking at the floor, hands in pockets or crossed on the chest - all these are signs that the partner is not completely frank. More precisely, this can be clarified by continuing the conversation on an unpleasant topic for him. If he got angry, left, stopped talking, it means that he is definitely hiding something.

A man's lack of desire to discuss serious issues - further relationships, feelings, inattentive listening, disinterest in the opportunity to get to know a woman better through her hobbies and hobbies - all this suggests that a man is not set up for a long-term relationship. And this, most likely, means that he will consider himself entitled to deceive. When a woman is not important to a man, he simply does not think about it, forgets what he promises, changes his plans without consulting her. Sometimes he deceives unconsciously, simply not realizing how important his words are for the second half. This frivolity of a man can be temporary - at the initial stage of the relationship. Or maybe constant, being one of the properties of his character. It is very important to recognize this as early as possible in order to decide in time whether to continue this relationship.