He returned from the army and became a real beast! Did you wait for the guys from the army? a friend waited a whole year, and the guy came and left: feelings, he says, have passed.

Young guys leave to serve every six months, and none of them can imagine what their future will be like. life after the army. Someone is afraid, someone, on the contrary, is eager to defend their homeland, and someone goes simply because they have to. Subsequently, they return home, but by what people? Some are merciless to everyone, brutalized, with a “sick” head, others are people who are ready for any vicissitudes of fate, able to control themselves, protect themselves, their relatives and friends. Why? Yes, for the most banal reason - each of us has our own character, endurance, our own head on our shoulders. Someone breaks under the charter, under the so-called "hazing", under the lack of freedom, but someone does not, someone finds the strength to fight for a calm and bright tomorrow for themselves and their loved ones.

The only question is whether a person is ready to pay for this the price he owes? What needs to be done in order to return home not as a beast, but as a person capable of adequately responding to a sudden change in the situation, to certain life circumstances?

First of all, it is necessary to understand - why you are going to serve - in order to be taught to kill, destroy others or protect the lives of others, temper your character, be a stone wall for those you love, for those who are dear to you. You also need to remember that this is an army, and not a means to break your character, to deprive you of the opportunity to do what you want, to be a person. Military service teaches not violence, but a way to avoid its use, although it seems to many that the opposite is true. And, depending on which option the soldier chooses, it adds up life after the army.

What are the rules?

Let's digress for a moment from the topic of the army and remember about martial arts. What is their essence? Undoubtedly, you are taught certain techniques, stances, movements, almost all of which are aimed at causing pain to another person, but the meaning of this training is protection from the enemy, and not an attack on a weak and defenseless person.

The goal of any martial art is to avoid a fight, and only, in the case when this is not possible, to apply one's knowledge and fighting skills. Military service teaches the same thing - no matter how someone is beaten, no matter what they force you to do, no one is going to suppress your will, endurance and character. And only in the case when you yourself surrender - the army is able to break you, turn you from a person into his miserable likeness, which means that you just need not to succumb to provocations and educate yourself, train yourself daily and hourly. Let mom, dad, grandparents not help you outside the perimeter of the part, but this is even better - after all, you are learning to be an independent person, independent of anyone else, to be responsible for your actions or inaction, for everything that you are capable of doing. This is the answer to the question, what gives the army.

The army has its own rules

I will not argue that there are also such servicemen who will seek to break you down, to morally suppress you, and this mainly happens in units close to hot spots. This is also quite understandable, because the closer to real military operations, the more endurance and hardening a soldier should have, and here you need to be able not only to follow the orders of senior commanders and commanders, but also to protect your life, overcoming difficulties and numerous obstacles, of which there are so many. and in real life, not behind the fence part. After all, it is quite possible that tomorrow you will have to fight not with colleagues, but against the enemy, whose only desire will be to destroy you, your land, your loved ones. As a result, in order to return home as a man, you need to be independent, have a strong character and be able to protect your life, in other words, be a man. And how else to become a man, if you are not ready to overcome the difficulties and numerous obstacles that the life of each of us is so rich in, how not to join the army?

Everyone has their own stories, and I have two of them.
I completely agree that guys in the army are blowing their minds and very decently. Although this is more likely all g .... pops up later, but earlier it was inside and carefully veiled.
My first expectation was from the army of the very first martyr, he returned, made an offer, at that time we were 3.5 years old. And it started ... At first I attributed everything to nerves, I thought “oh, how poor he is, he came after the army,” but the man began to drink, raised his hands, this affair ended in betrayal, before our wedding, that's how God saved me from unworthy people - he cheated on me with his “best friend.” She went through hellish pain, lost a lot of weight, for a long time did not want to know or see anyone, and suddenly she suddenly met someone else. At first they just talked, but then communication grew into something more. And he served in army at that time, served. Both fell in love like fools :) I fluttered on the wings of love and went to meet him in a demobilization in another city, meeting like in a movie, he was with a bouquet of flowers, he was immediately taken to introduce him to his family, friends, to show the seriousness of his intentions. As a result, they began to meet, but the happiness did not last long, despite the fact that the person proposed to me, handed over the dust particles, he betrayed me, and on the day when I experienced grief - the death of a loved one, he left me, writing that “I used me" and played to forget my ex, and if I did not understand this, then I
Both returned later, but that's another story.
Now both of them are in jail.

Waited for 2 years! Waited! And we broke up after the army. Couldn't just be with each other. During these 2 years I entered the university, one of the most prestigious in Russia, studied, tried, and he came, and was only ready to walk, drink and hang around, for a month or two or three ... nothing changed. After 8 months, I decided that I was not on the road with this person. Moreover, both loved, suffered, but the decision was made correctly, his betrayals that surfaced were added ...! Many years have passed since then, we have families, but families are very different ... I built a career, married a promising and wealthy man, we have two daughters, we live on the same wavelength, we move forward, we develop together! And the former .... you won’t look without tears, from the category of rogues, he didn’t get an education, he works at a factory as a laborer ... in general, nothing has changed in his life.

Guys leave girls after the army .. tin! broke the system

I waited for my husband from the army, we got married and six months later he was taken away, it's okay, everything is fine with us

Ahh, and more recently, this guy went to a cafe, got drunk, although he seems to have stopped drinking, no one expected him to. began to pester a company of men, in a conversation he found out that they did not serve, he began to yell that they were not men. In general, there was such a fight! he was pierced in the head, mutilated, be healthy. the police arrived, he yelled obscenities at the police, called them creatures, scum, demanded that they take off their shoulder straps. eyewitnesses to this story said that the policemen with such faces stood that, just a little more, and they themselves would have beaten him there, he was very dirty. the ambulance arrived, because this fellow was covered in blood, his face was not visible. in general, there are some problems now with his health and with the law. although literally not so long ago everyone thought that he had changed, he asked his girlfriend to give birth already. they calmly let him go to the cafe, thinking that everything was over with him. en-no. and these are the metamorphoses exactly after the army. and he has some strange, army friends. he somehow invited them. can't drink at all. got drunk, then disappeared somewhere, and in the morning through the snow they came barefoot in some kind of women's headscarves, sheepskin coats, they don’t remember where they were, what they were doing. one lost his passport. oooh, this guy's family suffered with these “men”. girlfriend is always in tears. he says, like a family holiday, so they have grief in their family, not rest, but just go after it and see that you don’t drink, don’t talk nonsense.

yeah, they make rambos out of them in a year.
the family of a friend suffered so much with her brother, who returned as a “man”. He really thought he was a man. they thought to hand him over to a psychiatric hospital, they beat off his cap to see.
went to the army, was a normal fellow, respected his parents, did not drink, did not smoke. the family could rely on him, helped (in general, henpecked, as you say). returned from the army ... got drunk like a pig, threw up an apartment, started smoking, started fights with passers-by on the basis of "I served, I'm a man, but you don't." once, when he was told that he had changed a lot and for the worse, he doused his father's house with gasoline and yelled that everything would fly into the air. they let's hide matches and lighters from him. he yells, they tied him up, he broke free, somewhere in the barn he found an ax, he ran after his mother with an ax. she is in tears. neighbors called the police. he immediately became a good boy in front of the police. and when the police left, he again for the ax “bastards, the cops were called on me.” it was such a hell. then I didn’t work for another year “I served, I have the right to rest as much as I like.” in general, God forbid such a “man” to anyone. 4 years he was sausage, until he came to his senses. calmed down now. doesn't drink, quit smoking, works. but sometimes he beats his mother and girlfriend. this was not the case before the army. he sincerely believes that he is a man and "now he will not bend, especially under the women."
apparently, in the army, such “muzhiks” advised how to behave.

I remember familiar couples. almost no one after the army did not work out.
mostly because of the guys themselves. returned from the army bad. there, apparently, all sorts of smart people pecked at their brains “while you are serving here, your topic is cheating.”
many started walking right in the army. they get acquainted with the girls from the city in which they serve, and rent apartments in the ridges and invite these girls there. and the girls of these guys don’t even know that the guy has a “day off”. if the unit is in the wilderness, then local proshmandovkas bring food, beer, cigarettes to the soldiers, and they give them on the spot, as they say. in general, the guys in the army have a lot of opportunity to change. infa 100%.
after the army, many abandoned their girlfriends.
one friend was waiting for this! she cried, led an almost monastic life all year, counted the days, prepared to meet with balloons, posters and flash mobs. the entire VK wall was filled with statuses from groups like “waiting for a soldier”, etc. And he proposed to her in front of the army. In the end, he returned. We danced at the station, hugged, cried, friends took a lot of cute photos. As a result, after a couple of days, the guy leaves the girl, spitting on the engagement. I wanted to play. Didn't appreciate it.
I know many who in the army all sorts of wise men cleared their brains, they say, a woman is not a man, “while you serve here, she sleeps with everyone there,” “women must be bent over so that they know their place,” and other abominations.
One pair of acquaintances got married after the army, they gave birth to a child, they live happily. But there was a strange story. The girl sent her photo to the guy in the army, and he yelled at her soooo much for it. He told her not to dare send her photos. There are some strange orders, to select photos of girls and masturbate with the whole company on them. In general, horror.
In general, because of such concerts, I had a negative opinion about the army.

Didn't happen somehow)
There was only a small wait, because. lived in different cities.
From acquaintances of my age (I don’t take a generation older), everything is somehow very sad in the end.
One waited all year, went crazy with his jealousy, quarreled with most of his friends (because the guy forbade: you walk and fuck with them), she was left alone. And the guy from the army came back with a pregnant wife.
The second also waited, endured all these attacks of jealousy.
She waited. The guy seemed to be happy: there she is, what a good one he has. And it seems at first everything is ok - he made an offer, they began to plan a wedding. Have submitted an application. A couple of months after filing the application, the girl became pregnant. And the guy sent it. He stated that he did not believe in his paternity. Like in any way she walked and now walks. After it turned out that he just came off well in the army.
Then for some time he rushed back and forth. It seems that he found a girlfriend, began to live with her. That, to the former came, let's start first. Then again to the new one, which is “clever-beauty“.
Maman, who was still here, began to put pressure on him: you have no money and in general you are a renegade from a dysfunctional family, so we will take the child as soon as you give birth.
All this eventually led to a nervous breakdown, miscarriage and suicide attempt.
From older ages, there are examples of happy relationships after.
Well, there are girls who did not wait.

Former conscripts told what their girls did while they served.

After all, during this time, the second half can have time to change orientation, sexually liberate, give birth to a child or escape to a hot country. Former conscripts from the Moscow region told RIAMO what surprised their girls.

Ilya, 28 years old, tourism manager (Domodedovo):

“We met for a year, and when I left to serve, I didn’t really worry - there was such a passion between us! She even flew to me in Yekaterinburg, for her sake I ran away without permission. She disappeared after 7 months. I tried to contact her mother, but without success. I waited for the demobilization and rushed to her house, but the door was slammed in my face.

A year later, I got sick, met a new love, and then my ex showed up, not alone, but with a child. Said it was my daughter. And she allegedly disappeared because she was afraid that I would leave her.

The ex-lover actively tried to get closer, I no longer experienced the old feelings, but I was drawn to the child, and we began to meet often. I even thought about starting over. But I accidentally found out how it all happened: while I served, she simultaneously met with a wealthy man and told him that the child was from him. And as soon as they parted, she decided to return to me.

I no longer communicate with my ex-girlfriend, and I take the child for the weekend.

Yuri, 22 years old, unemployed (Moscow):

“We met in a nightclub: I was a party-goer, and she was modest, I got into the club by accident, on a friend’s DR. At first, it didn’t work out for us: I invite her to hang out, and she invites me home, to watch a melodrama under a blanket.

While I was in the army, we communicated through social networks. And then photos in revealing clothes and some vulgar posts began to appear on her wall. From the army I was met by a completely different girl. Has changed dramatically: the style of clothing, makeup, behavior.

The problem is that I don't know how to "fix" it back. She stated that she wanted to become a stripper. I threatened that then we would part. I had to agree to strip plastic courses. Of course, there are pluses to her new look, but sometimes I miss her teddy bear pajamas and fluffy slippers.”

Pavel, 31 years old, employee of a private security company (Moscow):

“I always knew that my girlfriend is a jack of all trades. I remember being shocked when I saw her laying tiles in the kitchen. We even quarrel over the fact that she does everything herself - it's unpleasant to feel like a half-man.

When I returned from the army, she gave me a surprise - she repaired and painted my old “nine”, which it was high time to hand over to the service! I arrive - and at the entrance my car is on the move. Of course, I immediately made an offer - this should not be missed.

Artem, 24 years old, web designer, Moscow

“While I was in the army, my girlfriend managed to get married and divorced, and also work as a waitress in Turkey and meet a Turk. At the same time, she wrote to me that she was waiting, and she never disappeared.

When I returned, I asked her to issue me a temporary residence permit and accidentally saw my passport.

She really thought I wouldn't know. And then I found a folder with vacation photos on my computer and learned its “Turkish history”.

I did not part, I forgave, because I have feelings for her. But it feels like next to me is a monkey with a grenade.”

Egor, 29 years old, chef (Moscow):

“Katya and I have been dating since the eighth grade and were going to get married. They wanted to go to college together, but she got in, and I didn’t pass my exams and got drafted. Katya promised to wait, we corresponded.

By the end of the service, her messages became somehow dry, without emotions. I thought she was just tired of waiting.

I immediately wrote to Katya. She admitted that she started dating a girl.

Until now, I'm alone, I have a psychological trauma. I've tried dating other girls, but so far it hasn't worked."

Dmitry, 44 years old (Pushchino):

“While I was in the army, I managed to fall in love with a girl who did not pay attention to me. We met through friends, she had a boyfriend.

Then I went to serve in the Pacific Fleet. Before sending, he asked her for a photo as a keepsake and promised to bring a vest. She promised to correspond with me in a friendly way. In each letter, I hinted at my feelings to her, wrote: “Your Dmitry”, “kiss” and “tightly hug”.

It turned out that thoughts are material. Two years later, I returned and came to visit her in full dress naval uniform - she melted. We got married three months later and have three children. I guess I did something bad for her boyfriend, but I won my happiness.

Gleb, 19 years old, serviceman (Klin):

“My classmate Elya saw me off to the army, we had an affair from school. We agreed that I would return and we would get married. We talked on the phone every day, however, over time, the conversations became shorter and less sincere, but I didn’t really go in cycles in this.

I did not begin to explain to her, interrupted all contacts. I am a reconnaissance sniper by profession, and I was offered a contract to serve in Syria. Parents dissuade, but I decided - I will serve, earn money, and then I will think about my personal life.

Boris, 44 years old, entrepreneur (Volokolamsk):

“Before, all the guys had an attitude - not to fall in love before the army, because they served for three whole years. But of course, I fell in love with my neighbor Sveta, she had braids and huge green eyes with long eyelashes. Everything turned out trite.

Of course, I suffered for a long time. After the story with Sveta, he became more careful with women.

After the demobilization, he finished his studies, got a job, got married. My wife and I opened our own business, began to expand and recruit staff. And then my ex-girlfriend came to work for me - I was shocked when I saw a drunken, shabby aunt instead of a beauty. I took her as a dishwasher out of pity.

Konstantin, 23 years old (Yegoryevsk):

“We met from the age of 17, but broke up before the army, because I fell in love with another, and the ex-girlfriend found correspondence on my phone.

I decided to return her and every day I write long romantic letters to her. I am sure that she has not forgotten me and will want to start all over again.

Vyacheslav, 25 years old (Schelkovo):

“For the first months, my girlfriend wrote, called, talked about life, about how she was bored. And then the communication began to fade away, she talked to me without interest. The guys said it was the end. But I did not want to believe and called her.

She asked for forgiveness, but said that I was unreliable, and that she had another, from a good family, educated. After some time, I met another girl on the Internet and forgot about her. And then I accidentally found out that my ex's boyfriend also went into the army. I wonder if she will wait for him or not.

him: good day cute :)

me: good afternoon

him: good answer

Me: What are your goals for the future?

him: have kids

me: from the wind?

him: can you help me?

Me: Have you been drinking since morning?

.........................

me: what do you think about our communication with you?

him: do you think friendship between a guy and a girl is possible?

me: initially I think yes, and then it develops into something more, but what did you mean by that?

he: to be honest, you feel everything yourself, I didn’t want to talk to you and therefore I couldn’t decide upon arrival from the service, because feelings could revive again

me: what do you want from me then tell me you have feelings for me?

he.no, stop, if you don't want, I won't write to you

me: what do you expect from me?

Him: No, friendship is not possible.

me: what is possible?

He: just communication.

me: you don't have anything for me?

Him: Haven't you had a drink?

me: no. well answer?

he: yes, but it will be with me.

me: well tell me why then communicate with an ex-girlfriend?

he;everything, let's not I understood.

me: i just don’t understand you have feelings and you don’t want a relationship, you’re just not sure that’s all.

In general, we don’t communicate with him anymore, honestly I don’t understand him as if it wasn’t my boyfriend who I was waiting for from the army, they usually come “hungry”, but this one, you know, everything suits him and so calmly. I don’t know, maybe another one appeared there, well, then he would have told me. You know, I’m thinking whether he will regret it or not?! , I have been waiting for a year and now nobody needs one; (((((((, I was crying, it was insulting even now I look at his VKontakte photo (he is in my friends there), and I just want to cry. Tell me and will you regret the answer to my question after a while? Give those advice on what to do next?