What does a pause in a relationship mean for a man. When should you take a break from a relationship? Women's mistakes during a pause in a relationship on a man's initiative

, "the upbringing of a man or woman is tested by how they behave during a quarrel." Well, this is for you to note: how He manifests itself during a quarrel? He always treated you like a queen, and "suddenly", as soon as you dared to express your opinion, he began to cover you for what the light is worth, and then explain it to his heightened emotionality and yours bad temper?

And you yourself? Look after yourself, analyze yourself! Perhaps the gentle lady of the first dates turns into Manka the milkmaid at the first "horn sounds"? Then and his can understand...

However, the situation when you quarreled with your loved one and you stopped communicating causes panic in many women. Common questions in such situations: “What should I do now?”, “Call myself or wait for him to call?”, “And if he doesn’t call at all?”, “Is this the end or not?”, “Why he doesn't call and ask for forgiveness?"...

In general, the main thing is this. And this, believe me, most The main thing. If he offended you, or (what in this case the same thing) you feel offended and you want him to understand this - carefully read on.

Don't worry if he will call or not. Don't think about exactly how long you need to pause! If you call him yourself, you will never know if he, in fact, was going to call you himself. A pause is primarily a test of contact with a person. Yes Yes!

Exactly pausethe contact and interest of a man in you is checked. It's the most important.

In the very worst case you will understand if he is interested in you (and how much) or not! And this - believe me - is not the worst result ... Why do you need a man who is not very interested in you?
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Words are often weaker than silence. In silence there is expressiveness and your unconditional assessment of the situation. Sometimes, instead of waving your arms, squealing, throwing scary words, bombarding you with revealing SMS, calls and letters, trying to “figure it out” and “bring the scoundrel to clean water”, you just need to shut up, look into the eyes for 3 seconds, turn around, silently leave and ... disappear from his life.

And pause! And don't get in touch under no circumstances! Do not answer anything, go about your business, defiantly not noticing the "raging sea" around, including his silence. With this you will say much more than a stream of uncontrolled words and emotional monologues.

If you want to show that you are offended - no the best remedy than silence. In addition, it is also a game - who will "outlast" whom. "Override" you He Trust me, you will regret it a hundred times over. He will remember this not in good hour(during the next quarrels), he won’t respect you either - they say, he’s not proud enough. So here it is...
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purely for prevention.

Well, from time to time you need to pause and ... just for prevention. And in general, it is worth showing love “through a pause” - after all, a cheap and affordable product is not appreciated. This, of course, does not apply to sex - by no means! If you decide that there will be sex (and if you brought a man to this) - the stupidest mistake would be to give reverse when he already, I'm sorry, took off his underpants. He will not understand your "pride" and least of all at this moment will be ready to understand your uh ... prevention.

And 100% of men will consider you a “kindergarten” and a “dynamo” - and never you will not be forgiven! And here is my opinion - and they will be ... right. Give yourself to this process to the fullest! In this matter, you should not just be sincere - you should be completely open, able to receive and give pleasure here and now, without thinking about the future. You have to let your man know that you are really good with him. And she does a lot to make sure that you feel good together. But this is ... a separate issue.

Returning to the prevention of pauses ... For example, I know one married couple, where the husband’s remark “I love you!” wife for 20 years coquettishly and mysteriously answered: "I like you very much too." And the husband all of them life together wanted to conquer her, he could not calm down - well, how could it be, he loves her, but she just likes it! Take your time with the words "love" and "forever". Let He tells them to you! Although ... to say at a certain moment that he is the best never hurts.
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In general, do not rush to express your " great love”, But in sex, know how to be the best for him and let him know that he is the best and only one for you.

Don't overdo it, again. Yes, of course, a man can be won over by starvation of admiration, but then don’t be surprised why he doesn’t believe and doesn’t trust you - after all, this You tirelessly admiring him (which is suspicious), and not he you, and then ... Men are sooo sensitive! And sooo complex! If he knows (God forbid) that you are at least not even 35th, he simply won’t believe it when you sincerely sing praises to him about his unique skills and qualities and say that he is the best! It's not always necessary to say it directly - let him understand it by their behavior in bed (well, ok, you can emphasize the special nuances that are unique to him, which no one really has - every man has such features!). It is in sex that it is very important to be open and sincere.

In general - pauses, pauses and once again pauses in everything except (I mean the process itself)! This is the "territory of revelations", and, I repeat, this topic is yet to come...

And returning to the benefits of pauses - very important: never think or worry about the topic “How long should I keep this pause? When is the best time to get in touch?

Remember what the heroine Viya Artmane said in the movie "Theater"?

“If you take a break, keep it as long as you can!”

If there is love in the relationship, passion - no pause will kill them. IN mature relationship V moments of crisis pauses are sometimes beneficial, they make you re-evaluate and rethink relationships and their value, restore. But the “dead” relationship is likely to be finished off by a pause. But maybe it's for the best?

If you paused for right time— means, the lesson is passed, the skill is developed. " Passion for life ».

This skill is not that hard to learn. Of course, it would be nice to take a few lessons from professionals from, but first and independent work above itself will ensure changes in better side. The main thing is not to be afraid of anything and go forward!

Today, as part of the article in this column, we will talk about whether it is necessary to take a break in a relationship. What does this lead to and what does it mean if your partner initiated such an offer.

Relationship Break: Salvation or End of Love?- So I formulated the topic of our conversation with you today.

We will try to answer this question from 2 different points view: the first will touch male gaze on this problem, and the second - female.

Man's motives

If your relationship has just begun to develop and your partner has proposed to you take a break in a relationship, that means that a man may not see the point in continuing to meet with you, but it is inconvenient to tell him about it.

Voice your guesses and worries directly by inviting the man to choose from what you think: are we breaking up because we really need a break or are you no longer interested in our relationship?

It may happen that you have to put an end to the relationship. But there are other situations as well. Man Maybe invite you to leave for a while to put an end to previous relationships. Do not rush to get upset right away, because he acts honestly and decently towards you, especially if he openly and timely confessed to you.

In continuation of the discussion of the male perspective on issues related to temporary separation, one more thing should be noted. interesting scenario. If your relationship has been going on for quite some time long period and the man decides to take a break, then the reasons that prompted him to make such a decision may be as follows:

♣ Relationships have become boring and insipid. A man takes a break to think and decide whether he wants to be with you in the future or not;

♣ a man has another woman who is attractive to him and in this moment he is at the stage of making a decision: to stay with you or start new novel;

♣ The man has some difficulties and problems in other areas of his life. It can be health, work, business, family of parents, etc. If this is the reason, the woman herself will see the roughness in the life of her beloved, then just agree to his terms and see what happens next;

♣ Another reason is that a man is afraid, while his feelings for a woman are quite strong. What does it mean? - A man takes time to get used to the idea that he wants and is ready to have serious relationship With a woman.

Observe for yourself: he feels good and comfortable with you, relations develop gradually, despite the fact that he has positioned himself an avid bachelor, "lonely wolf", and suddenly on you - disappeared! Do not get angry and do not get upset ahead of time. Most likely, this is not the end.

Whatever the reason behind the man's decision take a break from a relationship is his right. A woman can either accept the conditions put forward to her, or announce her own. What will a woman get by agreeing to pause in a relationship?

It is quite possible that during the period of separation, a man will understand how good and comfortable he was with you, he will want to continue the relationship and even transfer it to new level. Another scenario further development your relationship is that he will lose motivation and suggest that you leave forever.

Woman's motives

If the initiative to take a break in the relationship belongs to a woman, then this can mean only one thing: the woman makes a decision regarding the further development of relations - “to be or not to be.” Because if the relationship is completely satisfied with the fairer sex, she will not fill her head with such variations.

Therefore, either you need to change something in the relationship, try to look for a joint solution in order to improve them, strengthen them and find the long-awaited harmony, or still take a break and think about the expediency of your further union.

If you think objectively, a break in a relationship is made for one simple reason: people are tired, tired of each other. It cannot be said that feelings have come to an end, perhaps this is just a signal that the time has come to pay attention to what is happening between a man and a woman.

For some couples, such a step is beneficial and separation makes them look at each other from a different angle, begin to appreciate and cherish mutual feelings. Based on this, it can be said that in some cases break in relationship- There is the rescue for a couple. But it often happens that a break in a relationship is just an excuse to carefully and quietly embark on the path of their slow end.

In any case, everything will happen as it should happen and you need to trust what you feel and think - the unity of the soul and mind will tell you the right decision in the matter of temporary separation.

“You need to understand yourself. Let's take a timeout.”… It doesn't matter who said it first. It is important that this is a signal: something in the relationship went wrong So.

But for now, this is not a reason to break up. Or maybe just the fear of taking responsibility for parting?

There is a saying: "Big things can be seen from afar." Indeed, it is very useful to look at the situation, as if from the outside, from the outside. And for this you need to get out of it for a while.

When something happens inside a relationship that upsets, does not satisfy, partners always have exactly four options:

• close eyes
• take a break
• solve the problem of
• disperse.

And the break just helps to abstract and relax, to look at everything from a different angle. Only if you use it not for the left, but with benefit. And indeed, it helps a lot. But not all and not always. Let's figure it out.

Why timeout?

This applies equally to both men and women, or all at once (in each pair in its own way).

1. We hit a dead end

And it seems that you have fallen into some kind of vicious circle from which there is no way out. You quarrel over trifles, get annoyed for no reason ...

But still love each other and you know for sure that you want to be together, you just need to be alone for a while, calm down, gather your thoughts. A change of scenery, after all.

2. Trite tired

Perhaps you just spend too much time together, and you just want freedom and personal space. If you are bored together and there is nothing to talk about, if you have just been together for a long time and

3. Stopped understanding

And they got confused in their own interests, goals, thoughts and actions. Perhaps they experienced some kind of shock (big quarrel, betrayal).

When you urgently need to adequately assess the situation from the outside, delve into and understand yourself (the presence of a partner nearby will interfere with this process).

When one of the two feels that he is giving more than he is receiving or eating.

4. Decided to try

Of course, you both don't say it out loud. But, in fact, that's exactly what it is. See how you are without him/her.

It seems like you broke up, but not for long and for fun. And how long this “short-lived” will last, and whether it will turn into “forever” is unknown.

5. When it's scary

And then "Let's temporarily live separately" - an ostrich tactic. Disguise and fear to consciously and responsibly end this relationship.

It differs from the previous paragraph in that you know how it will end, but you still delay it - because it's scary.

Not everyone has the courage to put an end to it or say in person: “Sorry, I fell out of love” or “I'm sorry, I“.

To be or not to be?

The last two points, as you know, will not lead to anything good. Therefore, before deciding whether you need this temporary separation or not, analyze the reason.

Maybe it's better not to fool each other right away?

Or do you just need to go on vacation for a week, unwind, change the situation for both of you? Give personal space and time for yourself: for example, a bachelorette party for you, fishing for him?

And there are a million more options: go to a psychologist, training, shift the focus from a partner to personal growth and yourself, find time for a hobby.

There are no guarantees for "pause". There will be nothing to restore, as an option. Everything is individual here, perhaps it will work in your case as a plus. What can be positive?

• the opportunity to relax, to be alone with yourself;
• think over and evaluate, reevaluate, analyze everything;
• to understand how much you really need each other, whether you can live without this person or whether he is still not enough;
• miss each other;
• draw conclusions, think over your strategy;
• emotionally recharge;
• to understand that you have lost, even "pretend", something important, and to understand the value of a partner in your life, to look at him in a new way;
• feel the power of your emotional connection and love, if it is she, and not comfort.

A couple of rules

The optimal period for a timeout is from a week to a month. A few days are not enough for global awareness, more than four weeks is already a risk that you will remain on different shores.

If you decide on this, determine such a period immediately, say all the conditions. By the way, the decision must necessarily be mutual, if one person is categorically against breaks, this is already. Look for a compromise.

And try during this time not to make a mistake, not to indulge in all serious, not to flirt with other men, but really think about these relationships.

If you realize ahead of time that you do not need them - do not play with a man, say so.

And remember…

Before you decide to break up in a relationship, answer honestly to yourself the question: are you looking for a reason to break up in this way?

If so, better tell him about it honestly and directly. Ask him the same question if he pauses. One constructive frank conversation is able to dot the i's and no breaks are required.

Among the three natural reactions of any living organism to stress - action, flight or freezing in anticipation - the most productive is action. That is, relationship work.

Think about the consequences
your Yaroslav Samoilov.

Building strong, long lasting and harmonious relations- it's a pretty complicated thing. Even with strong mutual feelings quarrels, showdowns, showdowns can occur between lovers from time to time.

Nevertheless, many couples successfully overcome all the crisis moments that arise on their way. But it also happens that relationships come to a standstill, and it seems that the only way out of it can be a temporary break in the relationship, which will help the man and woman sort out their feelings and existing problems.

Temporarily parting is usually offered by one of the partners, who becomes unbearable to endure the increased conflicts. And the second partner may agree with this proposal, or may reject it with indignation, considering it absolutely unacceptable in this situation.

Why might a couple decide to take a break from a relationship?

Frequent quarrels Constant conflicts take a lot mental strength, devastate and exhaust, but the worst thing is that they kill mutual feelings and lead to the fact that love passes, gradually turning into hatred and hostility. Sexual satiety If there is no relationship between a man and a woman strong feelings, and most importantly, what their relationship is based on is sex, then sooner or later it arises sexual satiety each other, which can develop into mutual indifference and even disgust. Subconscious desire to end the relationship It often happens that one of the partners wants to end the relationship, but is afraid to say so directly. In this case, the proposal he made to break the relationship can be considered a veiled hint to leave.

Family psychologists believe that time out is far from the most best method to salvage a failing relationship. Rather, it is not a solution to problems, but an escape from them, caused by the inability to cope with them. Therefore, for so many couples, a temporary separation means the end of a relationship. But, nevertheless, a break in a relationship has both its “cons” and “pluses”.

Pros and cons of temporary separation

"Pros":

Opportunity to test feelings Very often it is due to temporary separation that a man and a woman realize that they are dear to each other and that they do not think of their existence separately. But it also happens that the termination of communication causes both partners only a feeling of joyful relief.

The ability to calm down and think about the situation Seething emotions, as a rule, prevent you from adequately perceiving what is happening, and the right decisions accepted through logical analysis and lengthy deliberation. It may happen that both partners, having a rest from skirmishes and quarrels, will understand that both are to blame, and will be able to come up with a compromise solution to the problem. The opportunity to get bored If a man and a woman, having temporarily parted, begin to miss each other - this sure sign that all is not lost and relationships can be saved.

"Minuses":

Possibility of betrayal If one of the partners perceives a temporary pause in the relationship as a reason to feel free and "break away to the fullest", flirting right and left, then this is unlikely to help save the relationship from collapse. Aggravation of the problem The proposal of one of the partners to solve the accumulated problems with the help of a temporary separation can cause resentment and bewilderment in the second partner, which will further complicate the relationship. “Out of sight, out of mind” If there is no strong mutual affection between a man and a woman, or if both partners do not want to be the first to take the initiative to get back together, the break in their relationship can drag on for too long and be the end love story.

Alternative Methods to Build Relationships

As you can see, temporary separation is not the most suitable and rather risky method of improving mutual feelings. Therefore, if a man and a woman really value each other, it would be more correct for them to use alternative methods to improve their relationship.

Consultation with a psychologist Experienced Psychologist can not only identify hidden reasons, because of which the lovers are in conflict, but will also give recommendations with which the couple can find the best way out of the situation. Frank conversation Very often the cause of quarrels in a relationship is the inability of both partners to solve problems with the help of constructive dialogue. If a man and a woman decide to straight Talk and try to come to a consensus, then a break in the relationship may not be needed. Work on oneself In a conflict, as a rule, both are to blame. Therefore, if lovers are ready to work on their mistakes and adapt to each other, then they have a chance not only to save their relationship, but also significantly improve their quality. Love If a man and a woman really love each other, then they definitely do not need any breaks in the relationship, since there is no such problem that it would be impossible to overcome with the help of love!