Husband is a tyrant and an alcoholic what should a woman do. Will he be a tyrant in family life? Why does a man become a family tyrant

Husband is a tyrant and a despod

A despot husband is a real chameleon and a subtle psychologist. Often a tyrant is not so easy to recognize at the first meeting. Outwardly, he may look like an exemplary family man: courageous, strong, caring, sparing no money for gifts, very appreciating and loving his woman. He hurries to take responsibility for his beloved and calls to marry after only a few months of relationship.

The enchanted girl falls in love with her ardent boyfriend, not noticing the first alarming bells, and falls into a real tyrant's trap, which is not easy to get out of.

Types of despots

Psychologists conditionally divide tyrants into three types:

• Everyone is in control.

Where was? What did you do? With whom? How long? And this is not the whole list of questions that a girl should answer every evening to her “caring” husband. And God forbid, you evade an answer or do not get in touch in time! Expect reprimand and scandal.

Such a man torments his wife with jealousy, forbids communicating with any men, including brothers, classmates, colleagues and father. Yes, and friends are blacklisted, with whom a woman should immediately stop communicating.

But this is not enough, in addition to constant interrogations, the husbands of tyrants do not disdain to constantly check the phone, read SMS, check calls, investigate social networks. Nothing must escape his eyes. With maniacal persistence, he checks his wife's outfits, her makeup and hair: about no attractive way there can be no speech.

• Constantly humiliates and insults.

This type of tyrant asserts itself at the expense of low female self-esteem. In union with such a man hurtful words, caustic remarks, verbal humiliation and insults are a common phenomenon. A tyrant and despot husband will constantly poke his wife at her shortcomings and point out her mistakes. He's hard to please. Whatever a woman does, he will find something to become attached to: the dish is oversalted, put on too bright makeup or, on the contrary, dressed very inconspicuously, tastelessly, did not show herself in bed that way, did not immediately answer his SMS, etc.

Humiliation in such couples does not always occur in an aggressive or pretentious form. Tyrant may well with a smile on his face and playfully tell his wife: “What a stupid thing you are, and who would marry you like that if it weren’t for me?”.

• Releases his hands.

The third type of tyrants is the most terrible, because such individuals can calmly raise a hand against a woman, often for no apparent reason, relying only on their mood. He never feels guilty, believing that their victim herself asked for it and deserved such treatment by her behavior. Despots of this type love to drink and often suffer from alcoholism, which only contributes to the development of their tendency to manifest physical violence.

Of course, you can meet a bright representative of one type, but more often a tyrant is a mixture of two or three types at once.

Signs of a tyrant husband - 18 signs

You can identify a tyrant on early stages relations. To do this, you need to communicate with a person for a long time, meet on neutral territory, avoid intimacy, carefully monitor a person’s behavior and the slightest changes in his reactions.

However, women often begin to guess that they are in a relationship with a despot, having already exchanged wedding rings. How does a tyrant husband behave? ?

1. Total control over all households. Who communicates with whom, where he studies, works and where he goes, the tyrant must know everything about his wife and children. He makes all the major decisions in the life of his family alone, without asking the opinions of other members. Puts everyone before the fact, any attempt to challenge the decision is stopped, there are many prohibitions in the family. Often this sign manifests itself at the stage of courtship, when a man tries to control the social circle and life of a girl.
2. Excessive confidence in one's own authority, constant attempts to show a woman where her true feminine place is.
3. Increased control over the main areas of life: finances, property, storage of documents, etc. This approach makes all family members dependent on the tyrant.
4. The desire to subjugate a woman and put her in a dependent position. This is manifested in the prohibition to work, control Money. Sometimes it may look like an order, and sometimes it is masked by concern for the health, beauty and psyche of the spouse.
5. Constant criticism of all family members, nagging from the tyrant. Everything is always done wrong.
6. Destroys the self-esteem of all family members, while he himself has an overestimated self-esteem.
7. Eternal questions: Where are you? With whom you are? Why so long? etc. Refusal of a detailed report provokes the manifestation of aggression.
8. Humiliation and insults: “Who needs you?”, “What would you do without me?”, “What are you capable of?”.
9. Periodic beatings. At the same time, he believes that the wife herself is to blame, brought him to her wrong behavior, and the victim really often considers himself to be guilty of what is happening.
10. He loves your tears and tantrums. He feels sincere pleasure from your crying, provokes tantrums, and then feels satisfied and may even ask for forgiveness.
11. Maniacal jealousy for every pillar, person, passerby.
12. Does not encourage your successes, treats them intolerantly, belittles merit, considers that it does not matter.
13. He never asks for anything, never apologizes, only orders, shuts his mouth and accuses.
14. Next to him, you constantly experience fear.
15. He speaks badly of other people. He constantly blames someone for his failures, looks for the guilty, asserts himself at the expense of others.
16. Restricts or prohibits communication with loved ones, relatives, friends.
17. Often calls, writes SMS, tries to control as much as possible by phone, rolls up scandals if they did not have time to pick up the phone or did not answer SMS.

The active manifestation of at least one point should already make you wonder if everything is in order with your chosen one and the relationship between you.

Causes of tyranny

Most often, the causes of despotic behavior are rooted in childhood. Perhaps the tyrant himself experienced all the charms of life with a despot and simply adopted the model of building a family from his parents or decided to recoup someone for his spoiled childhood. A genetic tendency to despotic manifestations or wrong upbringing when the boy manipulated his parents, and they, in turn, indulged his whims.

The signs of a tyrant may awaken from deep self-doubt and a desire to eliminate rivals in this way, excessive love to a woman, strong tension, a hard day at work, a high position in society, financial advantage, etc.

Why is it hard to leave?

So, it became clear that the person with whom you live is a real tyrant. You constantly think about how to get rid of his oppression and what to do. It is obvious that the most the best solution it is to leave and leave a sick relationship once and for all, but many women do not dare to do this and live with tyrants for years.

It is very easy to condemn such women for indecision, but in practice the situation can indeed be difficult.

The fact is that the tyrant initially chooses a quiet girl, not ambitious, set to build family hearth, household chores and marriage. And he really gives her all this, and at first even more. A despot can beautifully look after, fulfill all desires, give gifts and indulge women's whims. He fits the image of an ideal husband and passionate lover.

Meanwhile, the patriarchal model is already beginning to be established in the family. And this may look quite adequate: a man earns enough money, a woman leads household. Children appear. Gradually, the entire environment of the wife is destroyed: friends, relatives, colleagues and just friends.

And even after the tyrant has shown his true nature, he can occasionally give his wife gifts and care, strengthening her belief that if she behaves correctly, he will improve. The main anchors that do not allow a woman to head for a new happy life, become:

• Desire and belief that the husband can be remade;
• Children;
• Subconscious satisfaction from the role of the victim: no need to make decisions, take responsibility for your life, special pleasure from quarrels and subsequent reconciliations;
• Lack of work and financial dependence;
• There are no friends and relatives to turn to for help;
• Sweet memories of beautiful start relations and in a positive way husband;
• Feelings of guilt for the fact that the husband has changed;
• Lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities.

How to get away from the tyrant?

If life with a tyrant and alcoholic husband has become unbearable, the best way out is to get a divorce and end the relationship.

First of all, wake up healthy egoism in yourself and realize that this man does not love you, you are just a victim for him, on which he can throw out all his negativity, insolvency and insecurity. Think carefully about your future plan, it may be worthwhile to postpone actions and start looking for housing, creating a financial airbag. It would be useful to seek advice from a psychologist. A specialist will help you understand yourself, give recommendations on how to behave with a tyrant, how to stop male cruelty.

Restore ties with friends and relatives, tell about what is happening to you, publicize the problem, so that in case of anything, you have someone to turn to for help.

If there is no assault in the family, you can directly declare your intention to divorce, and if the husband does not give consent, seek help from a lawyer or crisis center, where you can not only receive legal assistance, but also provide a roof over your head.

Stop wooing your husband and get a job, save up the amount you need for the first time independent living. Improve your self-esteem, start talking to people and going out again, this will help you get distracted and acquire new hobbies and interests.

If your husband is hitting, pack when he's not home and move out immediately. You can rent an apartment on your own, ask for help from relatives or friends, to law enforcement agencies. If there are no close people and no opportunity to rent an apartment, you will always be sheltered and protected in a crisis center.

Do not be afraid that a tyrant ex-husband will begin to persecute you. As a rule, such people are very cowardly, and if you make the case public, he will not threaten you. If you are very afraid, you can eventually move to another city and start life with clean slate. In any case, you should not endure bullying and beatings, following the lead of your fears.

In addition, do not hold on to the family for the sake of children. Can there be daily debriefing scenes and an atmosphere of fear in the family better than a calm childhood with happy mom, albeit lonely? Although, who said that you will not marry again, but already happily? Otherwise, your children may repeat the same pattern of behavior in their families or simply grow up insecure, downtrodden and unhappy. Do you want that?

To maintain confidence in the correctness of your choice, talk to women who have survived parting with a tyrant. Among them you will not find those who are dissatisfied with their decision. Many regret only that they did not do it sooner.

How to live with a tyrant husband?

If you see no other choice but to stay in this relationship, or blindly believe that your husband will improve, you have two behaviors:

1. Submit and obey your spouse in everything;
2. Reclaim your position and stand up for yourself.

Which option you choose is up to you. There are several recommendations from psychologists that will make life easier with a tyrant, but they are more suitable for girls who decide to fight back.

1. Consult a specialist (psychologist or psychiatrist). Each case is individual and in the psychologist's office, you can analyze exactly your situation and draw up a plan of action.
2. Stop violence and demonstrations of superiority in the bud. Tyrants are, in fact, cowards. Fighting back can scare them and reduce the number of attacks in your direction.
3. Despots are greedy for flattery and love to contradict. Take advantage of this. Do not ask permission to go to a meeting with a friend, say that you have already refused. There is a good chance that he will simply insist that you go to the meeting out of a sense of contradiction.
4. Do not give up, do not lower your head, do not take a subordinate position. The tyrant is only waiting for the manifestation of weakness in order to go on the offensive.
5. Become strong personality love yourself.
6. Take care of yourself.
7. Start dressing nicely.
8. Take a self defense course.
9. Start working and saving money. In the most advanced cases, you can work from home.
10. Take care of your self-development.
11. Do not react to manipulation, but simply leave.
12. Provide yourself with a room with a strong door and a secure lock so that in case of emergency you can call for help and wait out a flash of anger.
13. Make the situation public, let everyone know that you are subject to tyranny. Talk to your loved ones, maybe they will agree to help you.
14. If your husband does not like the way you perform your duties, stop doing them altogether.

All of these rules work well if the tyrant is only verbally bullying you. Some things to avoid if your husband raises his hand to you:

• Don't refuse to do your homework;
• Don't give reasons for jealousy;
• Don't threaten divorce or talk about leaving;
• Do not make fun of your spouse's personal qualities.

How to prevent tyranny?

Of course the most The best way to prevent tyranny, it is from the very beginning to build relationships correctly and carefully approach the choice of a life partner.

If you notice the first signs of tyranny after marriage, follow these rules:

• Stop any attempts of control, pressure, humiliation, insults.
• Don't quit your job and keep earning your living.
• Don't be afraid to lose a man.
• Don't hold on to good memories.

Remember, any positive change in your relationship with a tyrant is only temporary. The tyrant will never be able to re-educate and happy relationship won't work anymore. So, is it worth it to turn your home into a real battlefield, to sacrifice your happiness and the happiness of children?

Useful articles:

According to statistics, every fourth woman is a victim of domestic violence. But not everyone dares to break such ties. Each has its own reason: inability or unwillingness to provide for themselves on their own, fear of loneliness or threats of physical violence. Often, tyrant husbands, having played enough to their heart's content, begin to beg for forgiveness and feed them with promises, and women are happy to believe them, because it's much easier than solving the current situation. Moreover, virtuoso apologies often contain a share of accusations that the woman herself provoked the scandal with her disobedience. And she remains in a mixture of feelings of fear and guilt, hoping that this will not happen again.

But it is not easy to find an approach to a tyrant and to predict his next attack. Violence can manifest itself in the most different forms. Today he will humiliate in society, tomorrow he will destroy the results of some of his wife’s hobbies, since this is “useless sitting out of his pants”, and the day after tomorrow he will be covered by an attack of causeless jealousy. Incredibly difficult to fix full life without fear, if the husband is a tyrant: the advice of a psychologist will help to understand the reasons for his desire to hurt and suggest possible ways out of this situation.

Anger and rage accumulate most often in a man who, for some reason, fails to realize his destiny. These may be unmet career expectations, unfulfilled sexual fantasies, a sense of social lack of demand. The tyrant's self-esteem drops sharply, and he begins to follow the path of least resistance: he begins to assert himself at the expense of his loved ones. Criticizing the results of his wife's activities, he is not so acutely experiencing his own failure in business, sexual problems or dissatisfaction results in sexual abuse, complexes and a feeling of physical unattractiveness is manifested in prohibitions on communication with friends and relatives, deprivation of means of communication, sometimes even restriction of freedom.

The main substrate for feeding the sadist is the fear of the victim. This is the main, albeit involuntary, mistake of women: they are afraid of reprisals, and therefore stop thinking constructively. Instead of thinking about the reasons, their brains are constantly solving the problem: how to avoid the next bout of tyranny.

Before taking decisive action, it is worth considering: is it possible to change something? Analyze all the foreseeable spheres of activity of the husband and find out whether the woman herself can quietly help to establish some of them. Perhaps she shifted the focus of her attention to the children born and ceased to be interested in her husband, maybe, having achieved some career success, she exalts them too much in comparison with the modest achievements of her partner. If a objective reasons However, there are still some that are too hurtful to the dignity of a man, you can try to gradually level the provocateur, transfer the reins of power on this path to your husband and observe the result. In some cases this will work. However, a true sadist will only redirect his discontent to another area, and the situation will not change.

If attempts to understand the origins and influence the self-perception of a man have not been successful, and tyranny continues, you should briefly discard thoughts about him and concentrate on yourself. From an honest answer to the question: “Why am I putting up with all this?” future actions depend. The answer will set the vector of the main efforts: if a woman does not leave because of the material component, she should first of all solve the issue of her own provision; if, due to fear of reprisal, she should contact the relevant authorities for protection and support; realize that time is running out - the time in which a woman could become truly desired and loved. Analysis of their weaknesses and the preparation of at least a theoretical basis for strengthening them will give strength for the main step: parting with the tyrant.

Usually sadists don't just let go. Threats will be replaced by persuasion and tears, in a word, the entire stock of guns will be used psychological influence on his wife, in front of whom she is likely to break down again. Therefore, there is only one advice: to run away during the absence of her husband, without betraying her intentions in any way.

It is necessary to inform relatives about the decision, find a reliable shelter in advance, which the spouse cannot find out about, collect valuable and most necessary things, not forgetting about the documents, and leave. It is very useful, if time permits, to contact the police to file a statement about violent acts committed against a woman, but not earlier than on the day of departure, since a return visit by the competent authorities or a call by the defendant, coinciding with the presence of a woman at home, is fraught with even greater showdowns. It should be remembered that violence does not go unpunished: the perpetrator, one way or another, bears administrative or criminal liability. The main thing is to bring the matter to the end, not to get in touch and not to succumb to persuasion and intimidation. Threats can be recorded on a dictaphone, meetings, if necessary, can be held on neutral territory with witnesses, and all documentary issues regarding the dissolution of a marriage or the division of property can be resolved exclusively through the courts.

No matter how cruel a person is, positive moments of relationships will inevitably pop up in memory anyway, because a habit is great power, and even in cases of tyranny, it is not easy to overcome it. But if you remember the rule of 40 days, during which the psyche is rebuilt, and the bonds of addiction are broken, then the light at the end of the tunnel will be seen more clearly, the main thing is not to give up. Indeed, after such a relatively short period, you can finally fulfill your dreams, find peace and independence, and give yourself the opportunity to become happy without any conventions.

A constant feeling of oppression and humiliation, you account for every step, a limited circle of contacts and the time allotted for it.

If you recognize yourself in these signs, your husband may be a tyrant. How to make sure of this and what to do if it's true, we'll talk today in the article.

How to recognize a tyrant in a husband

Before drawing conclusions, it is worth familiarizing yourself with the signs that indicate that your husband is a person with tyrannical inclinations.

Signs of a tyrant husband:

• Controls the family - decides where you work, which kindergarten or school the children go to, what to do with the family in free time how to spend a day off with a child. He makes decisions himself, "without snotty ones."
• He is firmly confident in authority, therefore he constantly points to “your” place.
• Controls important areas - registration of property, disposal of financial resources, storage of documents.
• Puts in a position dependent on him in all plans. Can persuade you to quit your job to gain financial control.
• She constantly criticizes: she didn’t put on makeup, dressed, cooked tasteless soup.
• Brazenly insults with obscene words or plays an evil joke on you.
• Always blames. If he knocked over the plate, then you put it wrong.
• Focuses on what you would do without him, no one will like such a stupid woman. This is done to suppress the wife's self-esteem.
• He raises his hand, justifying it with your guilt. He says that they themselves pissed him off by their wrong behavior.
• Enjoys your tears and tantrums. After them softens and looks satisfied.
• Often tyrants abuse alcohol and in a state of intoxication, all negative inclinations are more pronounced.
• Suffering from manic feelings of jealousy. Jealous of every pillar.
• He does not tolerate your successes, achievements, development. Declares that it is not so important, and why do you need it.
• He doesn't ask, he doesn't apologize, he doesn't make excuses. He only orders, shuts his mouth, and his argument is “because I said so.”
• Be afraid of him, try not to fall under hot hand, do not annoy , guess in what mood he will return home.

The presence of one or more signs, to a greater or lesser extent, indicates the presence of a tyrannical inclination. If you are waiting in fear for his return home, then the tyrant is a diagnosis, an accomplished fact, and when it came to realize it.

How events develop

Life stories say that the outcome in a family where the husband and father is a tyrant is sad. A woman who is constantly in a stressful situation gets used to the role of a victim and puts up with an unacceptable attitude towards herself.

He is afraid to open his mouth, to say in response, which means that he is simply humbly waiting for old age. It's in best case, after all, when despotism takes on a physical color and is manifested by assault, then you can expect worse results.

Children in such a family grow up either downtrodden and silent, or rebels who seek to quickly escape from the despot's house, and sometimes take revenge on him.

The second scenario is that a woman will break out from under the pressure of a tyrant, saving her life and the life of her own children, while getting a chance to normal life, happiness, normal relationship.

Such an outcome is preferable, but according to the victim, unrealistic.

Why do women tolerate tyrants

It is impossible to live normally with a tyrant. But among the women reading this article, there are those who live with the despot for more than ten years, enduring all the humiliations.

The main reason is getting used to the role of the victim. The lady already subconsciously enjoys the absence of the need to make decisions and even constant punishments with subsequent reconciliations. If her parents had the same relationship pattern, then tyranny would flourish in her own family as well.

With the advent of a child, the situation becomes more complicated. A mother who cares for a baby is not able to provide for herself and him on her own, and therefore cannot do without the help of a despot. Often simply afraid of physical or moral violence.

One of the common reasons is strong love to the tyrant. The wife constantly justifies her husband, considers herself guilty, hopes to change him. Here it is already worth talking not just about psychological disorders in both spouses, since such an attitude to the current situation can hardly be called adequate.

How to protect yourself from a tyrant husband

If the first signs appear when there is already a stamp in the passport, stop attempts to control, pressure, and humiliate. Remember ladies, a tyrant is a coward who asserts himself at the expense of others. If you stop the manners from the very beginning, then he may simply stop trying to make sure own importance at your expense.

If the situation gets worse and everything continues, then you should think about what to do so that the tyrant leaves himself. But it is not the right approach, since if he groped for a weakness, he would not “get off” from the victim’s neck on his own.

First method- declare the intention to divorce, but only in the absence of physical violence, since the reaction of a man to such a statement is not predictable. Following the advice of psychologists, it is worth preparing the ground for retreat - inform your loved ones about problems, find temporary housing, get a job.

If you want to leave, but are afraid of physical violence, you should get the support of family and friends. If possible, move. Easier said than done, but it may be the only way out. difficult situation.

It is important to have the courage and take a step towards change.

Some husbands categorically do not give a divorce to a woman, purely out of perseverance. In this case, the lawyer will tell you how to get a divorce. Don't let this word scare you. In the centers of assistance to women who have suffered from domestic violence, such consultations, as well as legal assistance, are provided free of charge.

There are situations when a lady understands the seriousness of her situation, but is afraid to do something, because of her own conviction that nothing will work out. Here it is worth consulting a psychologist. If funds are limited, again, help and support centers will help.

If you endure for the sake of the child, then I guarantee that no child will thank his mother for enduring beatings and humiliation. Especially if, after contemplating such paintings, until the age of twenty, he will periodically be written at night.

There is no need to cherish vain hopes of changing the tyrant. Men don't get better with age. Nothing will change, but there is a tendency to aggravate violence. Better save yourself before things go too far.

I understand that this article may seem sullen and angry. But it is important to realize and accept the fact that everyone has one life, there will be no chance to live it differently, and therefore you need to make it happy, bright and joyful now.

The main reason for the emergence of tyranny in the character of a man is his improper upbringing in the family, as well as the appearance of self-doubt.

Male tyrants often suffer from an inferiority complex

A despotic attitude towards his wife is an attempt to assert himself at her expense. Next to confident, interesting and independent woman they will not be able to exercise their tyranny. Most likely, such a woman will arouse their respect.

The main goal of the tyrant is to suppress the self-esteem of the victim, as well as the formation of fear and helplessness.

Signs of a male tyrant in a relationship

At the very beginning of a relationship, in the future, a tyrant man does not show himself in any way and may even seem courteous and pleasant, seems very caring, he surrounds you with attention, makes surprises, swears love, often calls. Unfortunately, these are not signs of true affection, but a desire to control all the girl's free time.

However, through certain time when your relationship moves to a more serious level, a man with signs of tyranny can still manifest himself. It is important here to carefully and “without rose-colored glasses” take a closer look at your companion.

What can alert you in a relationship? First, pay attention to the manifestations of jealousy on the part of your partner, and to the frequency of these manifestations. If this jealousy is really caused by your incorrect behavior with the opposite sex, then jealousy can be justified by this. The jealousy of a male tyrant is fundamental to your environment.

He begins to be jealous of you absolutely for every person to whom you show interest or emotions Moreover, being jealous, a male tyrant can somehow gently hint to you that he does not like your communication with this person. In addition, many tyrants are morbidly jealous. They can find signs of treason out of the blue, or come up with them themselves, and then throw a scandal.

Also, the future tyrant can manifest itself in criticism of you and your environment.

Pay attention to his attempts to criticize your loved ones, or your hairstyle, pay attention even to the jokingly - offensive tone of your companion's statements.

Criticism of a tyrant can be unobtrusive and may even disguise itself as a desire to help you, the “poor fool.” Gradually, the male tyrant forms in the victim a sense of his own inadequacy and literally "kills" her self-esteem.

If a girl does not react in any way to the first signs of tyranny from her boyfriend, she gradually falls into bondage, where more and more humiliations and insults await her. But their intensity usually increases gradually and imperceptibly.

If you are married to a tyrant? Signs of a husband - a tyrant

A tyrant husband can look like an exemplary and caring family man who sincerely loves his wife. However, the concern of a tyrant husband does not make the wife happy. She feels depressed and unhappy. AT this case we are talking about moral violence, which destroys the personality of a woman no less than physical.

No matter how successful and attractive girl before marriage, the husband gradually accustoms her to the idea that no one needs her, gradually limits the circle of his wife's friends.

A tyrant husband endlessly loads his wife with household chores so that she does not have enough time even for basic personal care.

All these measures lead to the fact that a woman is exhausted, stops taking care of herself and refuses to go out into the world. And if all the same, you still have the willpower to resist the tyrant, and defend your interests, for example, go to visit a friend or meet classmates, then you come across a wall of reproaches, tantrums and serious criticism in your direction.

It is impossible to please a husband - a tyrant, he criticizes literally everything.
A tyrant husband usually does not ask, but demands and orders, ignoring your attempts to disagree. Husband - a tyrant limits material spending, any of your movement and development.

Many tyrants persuade the wife to quit her job, promising to provide for the family, and then reproach her for her inability to earn money. Year after year life together with a tyrant, you gradually lose confidence in yourself and own forces feel weak, indecisive and unable to live without a husband.

We can say that the husband - the tyrant has already achieved his goal - the self-esteem of the victim is broken, she is not capable of active actions and will endure everything.

Another goal of a tyrant is to sow guilt in you.

The tyrant husband reproaches his wife for almost everything: that she does not do everything around the house as he asks, that she devotes a lot of time to her girlfriend, etc., etc.

Husband - a tyrant begins to splash out on his wife negative emotions. The once caring and loving husband, feeling permissiveness, loses control over himself. He can morally mock the victim, humiliate her for any reason, and even use violence. Being in this position, even the once strong and positive girl starts to break down.

The destruction of the personality renders it incapable of defending itself. Such a situation cannot be brought up to. You need to try to recognize the tyrant at the earliest stages of the relationship.

Further violence can continue in a psychological form or turn into a physical impact. At the same time, the husband does not feel any remorse, believing that he does not beat his wife, but punishes and educates, and does this solely for her good.

Often the tyrant justifies himself, saying that "it was she herself who brought this to this." Worst of all, the victims usually feel that they really deserve this treatment. If you live and endure the bullying of your husband - a tyrant, then you need to seriously think about the advisability of maintaining such a marriage.

The life of a woman and her children is hard and sad when a despot husband is nearby. Tyranny is equated by many with a manic state. This completely destroys the personality of the aggressor, leading him to the most serious crimes, making him insane in anger, and those on whom this destructive force is directed. How to recognize home tyrant? How to resist him and what to do?

Domestic violence develops in the following stages:

1. Psychological pressure. The tyrant suppresses the personality of the victim, changes stereotypes and ideals.
2. sexual pressure. Forces intimacy against will and / or in perverted forms.
3. economic pressure. Controls the finances, movements of the victim, limits her contacts with the outside world. Forces imprisonment.
4. Physical violence. It can be to the same extent, both beatings and threats to kill.

As you can see, the suppressed will of a woman does not allow her to realize the danger of the presence of such a person nearby. And even at a psychologist’s appointment, it takes several sessions to understand that violence is being committed against her.

Psychological features of a tyrant husband.

The domestic aggressor is dependent on the emotions of his victim. For a comfortable life, he needs to show his negativism. Such a choice of self-realization allows you to feel like a master, while his real assessment by others is not high enough.

Such a husband tries to seize 100% of power over his wife: he checks contacts, correspondence, monitors the amount of time in places of stay (at work, with parents or relatives). He shows incredible vigilance, being jealous of every pillar.

The trouble is that the despot does not always show his malice. And often, before marriage, a woman does not even imagine the real picture. For acquaintances and even his relatives, he may look like a caring husband, showing affection and attention. Showy love further misleads the unfortunate woman and does not allow her to realize the horror of what is happening.

9 signs of violence:

Who is to blame and what to do?

Both parties are always to blame in a situation. The victim is to blame for allowing the attacks to manifest and not recognizing the tyrant in time, bringing the situation to the point of assault.

Rescuing a woman to strangers is useless. The victim psychologically likes to be in such a position, to attract attention to himself, to receive his dose of pity and sympathy. It turns out that not only the despot is dependent on the emotions of his wife, but she herself gets masochistic pleasure. Otherwise, the woman would simply run away and never return to this man.

How does the victim submit to the tyrant?

• Violent lowering of self-esteem. If you are told from morning to night that you are a complete nonentity, and without this person you cannot live, you will believe it.
• "You yourself are to blame." It is easy for a person with low self-esteem to be convinced that her tormentor himself is tormented in the company of his wife. So, the woman and only the woman is to blame for this situation. A person is designed in such a way that he tries to correct his mistakes and not offend the object of adoration.
• Change of orientation. After a certain time, the woman irreproachably submits to the will of her master. It determines the circle of communication, lifestyle and even the direction of thoughts.

What will this style of relationship lead to?

The breakdown of the psyche leads to her disorder. The victim understands that something is going wrong, but no longer has the strength to resist. She suffers. Their children grow up in constant tension. In the future, they already have huge psychological problems. Those prone to alcoholism and drug addiction are not able to build their own family. Sooner or later, beatings will begin, which can lead to death.

What is the tyrant afraid of?

The tyrant is afraid that you will leave, tell everyone the truth about him, file a lawsuit against him for moral humiliation and / or beatings, threats. He doesn't love you. You are a thing for him. Therefore, in no case should you show your fear and get rid of addiction.

What does the church say? How to pray?

On one of the sites I found a woman's question to a priest. She and her husband were married. But he beat her, humiliated her, threatened to kill her, went into drinking bouts. Batiushka said that one should definitely leave, pray and apply to the authorities. Save your soul and the souls of your children. He also noted that God's will in such a matter it is unequivocal - it is necessary to move away from obvious harm.

Pray especially in his presence with the prayer of Jesus, 3 times a day the 90th psalm (in the morning, before going to bed, at a moment of danger), read the Virgin Mary 150 times in a row, rejoice,

Write your opinion. Give advice, support to women who find themselves in such a situation.