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Tactile contact as a norm of communication. Five unobvious roles of touch in baby development

Tactile contact is secret weapon, which we receive to create successful and strong relationships. This is our language, given to us from birth. But over time we forget about its importance. How can we return to natural communication?

Psychologists recommend that in order to remember, tactile contact involves using your imagination and imagining yourself on a bus crowded with people. Passengers, being half asleep, by inertia continue to reproduce their thoughts and emotions with the help of tactile sensations. Couple in love holding hands Small child looks for support from his mother - reaches out to her and calms down.

Types of communication

Everyone knows that we can communicate verbally and non-verbally. But not many people know that with the help of movements and expressions one can convey quite complex emotions and desires. We are careful with our touch, but we can receive and transmit signals with it. That is, we have the ability to interpret tactile contact. When we touch another person, our brain displays an objective assessment.

The most accurate and not at all simple way to communicate

The researchers concluded that with the help of the voice, we can identify one or two positive signals - good mood and joy. However, research shows that sensations are a more accurate and subtle way of communicating than the sound of the voice and facial expressions.

In addition, using touch you can increase the speed of communication, that is, touch is the easiest way to signal something. Tactile contact with a man helps girls create more deep feeling communications. Touch is also important in the mother-child relationship, as we begin to receive it even before birth. When a mother touches her baby, she gives him a feeling of security.

The importance of touch

Warm touch promotes release which increases feelings of affection and trust between people. This can explain our habit of touching ourselves: rubbing our hands, stroking our forehead, hair. Tactile contact helps us experience all the same positive sensations that the person we touch experiences. Research has shown that when we hug, we get as much benefit as the person we hug. In addition, by touching a person, we will receive information about his emotional state. Let's find out how he is configured: friendly or hostile. Is he relaxed or tense? This information will help us choose the right tactics in communication. Therefore, we can say that tactile sensations are the easiest way to strengthen intimacy in a romantic relationship.

Tactile memory is the memory of the sensations we experience while touching an object. Let's say you once petted a snake at the zoo, and now every time you see a snake (on TV, for example), you remember how cold its skin is.

Tactile memory is not associated with the organs of vision, it involves. Otherwise, we can talk about working together visual and tactile memory. If vision is involved in memorization, then, as a rule, we do not remember tactile sensations.

I am 23 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have been through a lot. life situations, separated, but still returned to each other.
I love him very much and appreciate him as a person and as a man. I am happy with everything in our relationship except that he does not give me enough warmth and affection. I grew up in a family where expressions of love were always reinforced with hugs, kisses, and touches. But in his family, on the contrary, everyone is kind of cold in this regard. They have wonderful kind and respectful relationship, the family is complete, but in terms of showing tenderness through tactile sensations, there is no such thing. This worries me for 2 reasons: 1. I want initiative on his part, but he very rarely shows it, 2. when I approach him with “my tenderness,” he sometimes gets irritated and isolates himself from me even more, it seems to him that I can be intrusive and get into his personal space. He practically doesn’t kiss me on the lips, he says that he doesn’t like it. And this is not disgust, in an intimate sense everything is fine with this (just without kissing on the lips). It’s hard for me to live with this, I feel emotionally cold from it. I tried to talk to him about this, he replies that he simply doesn’t have as much warmth as I give him and is trying to demand in return.
This seems to be a trifle, since in a relationship there is love, respect, trust and everything that is really important, but from this “little thing” grievances accumulate and sometimes result in the form of unpleasant words and swearing.
Help me please! What should we do?
I understand that he is already a mature personality (30 years old), he cannot be changed and we must accept him as he is. And I understand that men express their feelings not like women, but differently. But on the other hand, I also have needs and living constantly in a state of dissatisfaction is wrong.
I don’t know what to do, I really hope for your professional advice.

Hello Julia!

It is very difficult to recommend something when one partner is trying to solve the problem and the other is not participating. It's a pity that your husband doesn't understand how important affection is to you. Often, problems with infidelity begin with the simplest thing: the husband does not caress or show much tenderness to his wife. A kiss on the lips is the highest intimate trust. Your husband says that he doesn’t have that much warmth for you... hmm... but does he love you? Or maybe he has someone and doesn’t need this affection? Sincerely, Olesya.

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Hello Julia.

A person always has a choice, and you also have a choice in this situation. Will I continue to live with this person and build a relationship with him or I don’t want such a relationship anymore and I want to end it. If you choose the first option, then you must understand that we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. Are you ready to part with a man whom you love and value as a man, but who cannot give you enough affection due to his upbringing? How valuable are one and the other to you? Are these values balanced for you or is one of them more significant for you? What can you do to make you feel more satisfied in your relationship? What compromises are you willing to make to make the relationship comfortable for both of you? Are you frank and open in conversations with your man? Do you tell him that “tenderness” on his part is very important to you? Have you ever looked for compromises to resolve your mutual misunderstanding on this issue?

If you want to understand yourself and your question in more detail, please contact me, I will be happy to help.

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Hello Julia! There is such a concept - like love languages - for you one of such languages - are tactile touch, for another - words, for a third - gifts. It turns out that you and your husband speak different languages Love. Often problems in the family begin due to a lack of understanding of this. Your husband loves you, but he can show Love in his own way, accessible to him, and this is not about gender differences, some men can also speak the language of tactile touches. This situation is not easy for you - since here you have an option - or take it for granted and understand your husband by talking to him and perhaps he will feel your need and try to hug and kiss you at least a little more often. For your husband, such aversion to affection may be associated with his upbringing, which was so unacceptable in his family, or with experience that did not lead to anything good, that is, the roots of this lie in his psyche and experiences gained in life, responsibility for relationships in the couple bears both - and the main thing in a relationship is compromises, perhaps you will be able to come to it. Good luck to you!

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Hello Julia! Indeed, each person shows love in his own way. At the same time, the partner may be offended that the other has his own way. But is it worth being offended by this? After all, everything else is fine with you. Kisses and touches are important for you, but not for him. What to do? If he doesn't like touching, what does he like? It makes sense to find out what exactly pleases him. Your husband considers a kiss a violation of his personal space. This mechanism was laid down from childhood and if it doesn’t bother him personally, then he won’t do anything about it. I think you should be very careful and slowly slowly accustom him to tactile sensations. After all, imagine, a person has grown up all his life without this, moreover, it is unpleasant for him and you “climb” towards him with hugs. The reaction is obvious. Start by touching your finger, for example, his palm (though I don’t know, maybe that’s what feels good to him) or touching his face, etc. And ask his reaction, but without impositions or pestering. Let's say one touch can be practiced for one week or more. Gradually you can reach kissing. Good luck to you!

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Julia, hello.

Julia, people are very different. But schematically, of course, you can divide the types of people, and they are different. The simplest thing: introverts, extroverts. According to socionics, there are even more of them. And there is a division of people according to their perception of the world. Visual learners, auditory learners, kinesthetic learners. You, Julia, are kinesthetic. It is important for you to feel a person. Smells are important to you. This is how you “hear” a person. Your husband does not understand you because he most likely speaks a different language. Julia, maybe try to understand this language and start “speaking” it? Watch your husband. How does he express his feelings? Also, talk to your husband about your way of communication, explain to him how important hugs and touches are to you. If you have a good trusting relationship, you will understand each other. Buy books on psychology. Read it yourself, let him read it. Maybe it’s worth reading together, starting to study yourself together. I think your relationship will improve significantly.

All the best.

Sincerely, T.Sh.

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Everyone enjoys being paid attention to. Tactile contact is an integral part of any close interaction. Of course, business relationships hardly imply big hugs, but friendly meetings, as a rule, cannot do without them. Every person, one way or another, wants to feel needed, in demand and understood.

Tactile-visual contact helps alignment trust relationships between partners, teaches them to be lenient and attentive. Only by looking into the eyes of your interlocutor can you fully verify what feelings he actually experiences.

The essence of the concept

Tactile contact is special shape interactions in which effective communication between people. Agree that it is much easier to convey some important thought to a person if you touch him. Each of us is very pleased when he is appreciated and expresses his feelings with the help of strong handshakes.

What does tactile contact mean? Most often, with its help, people express their emotions aimed at a specific interlocutor. The desire to take your hand and stroke it is associated with the need for understanding, which we all so need. If a person is absolutely indifferent to another, then he will never touch him under any pretext. Closed people As a rule, they avoid tactile contact and are afraid to show it.

Feeling safe

Look at the woman holding a child in her arms. She just glows with happiness! She is not afraid of any obstacles, nor is she afraid of the prospect of losing her individual prospects. A woman-mother always sacrifices something for the sake of her baby: work, time, relationships with friends.

In the mother's arms, the baby feels protected from all adversities. Her gentle palms will lull him, caress him. It is tactile contact that provides a child with a sense of security from everything in the world. This is the most powerful weapon in the world against any antisocial behavior. It has been noticed that many illegal acts are committed only because no one cared about such individuals in childhood. A mother's love creates the child's soul and forms his trust in the entire world around him.

If a mother devotes insufficient time and attention to her offspring, then there is a high chance of developing an unsociable, aggressive or withdrawn person. No one can replace a mother's love for her baby. One can only imagine how lonely and unwanted the orphans feel.

Showing love

When we touch another person, it is as if we are telling him: “I care about you.” Anyone who loves necessarily strives to show his affection not only in words. How can you express your feelings? With a glance or touch. Tactile contact between a man and a woman implies a deep feeling of each other at all levels. Sometimes it is enough to look into the eyes and say a kind word, otherwise only careful handling and tactile warmth will help. Each of us wants to feel that he is loved and cared for.

Expression of confidence

In fact, we only allow ourselves to be touched by people we can completely trust. And this is by no means accidental. This is how our psychology works. Tactile contact is very important and significant thing in everyone's life, so it should not be avoided or tried to be pushed away. There are people who really don’t like hugging, even with loved ones. Such manifestations indicate that not everything is so smooth in their lives, there are internal problems and contradictions in interaction.

Trust is expressed through free tactile touches and stroking. Taking a person by the hand means showing him special warmth, spiritual closeness, and a desire to help. If we want to calm a friend or relative, we hug him. And this almost always has a positive effect on a person, allowing him to calm down. The fact is that hugs open the heart and help restore spiritual closeness and trust if they have been lost for some reason.

Relationships between spouses

The interaction between husband and wife is a special moment that causes many different debates. Family conflicts- the most powerful in terms of impact. It is believed that it is in relationships with the most dear people we're passing important lessons lives, without which our personality would not be fully realized. After all, no one can become happy alone. The participation of a partner and the presence of a deep relationship with him are always required. And here you can’t do without tactile contact.

The spouses know each other like no one else. It's not just about individual character, manners, habits. Each of us has our own weaknesses, ailments, and then being around loved one can influence our state and attitude.

Sexual interaction

Tactile contact with a man in mandatory involves touching. When two people decide to devote their lives to each other, over time they know well what their partner likes and are able to guess his mood. Physical intimacy is impossible without a great sense of trust towards your spouse. Both men and women have equal needs sincere love. But not everyone, unfortunately, knows how to correctly express their emotions. Every person wants to feel significant and loved.

Relief from stress

When you come home after a whole day of work, it’s so nice to know what awaits you loving family. A hot dinner, attention and care - this is what your partner expects. With the help of tactile contact, you can free yourself from stress, find peace of mind, and throw off the burden of problems and fatigue. Nothing invigorates a person more than the knowledge that someone needs him, his opinion is valuable in itself and important.

Tactile contact is a real salvation from stress. When we touch a person, he always feels how important a figure he is in our life. Even relationships between friends and girlfriends can be very close if there is room for mutual hugs and pats on the shoulder. Sometimes tremendous support is required and tactile contact is clearly indispensable. The more emotions we learn to show in life, the easier it will be for us to build interactions with other people.

Nobody likes cold and indifferent people, for whom to say superfluous word- problem. Everyone wants to feel a certain amount of support and protection from those who are constantly nearby. Any relationship is built on mutual trust and common interests. It is difficult to imagine that friends will tolerate a nervous, hot-tempered person around them, from whom nothing but trouble comes.

Instead of a conclusion

Tactile contact is present in almost all forms of interpersonal interaction. The deeper and better relationship between people, the more handshakes, hugs and a completely conscious intention to be close to each other in their communication. Often, a person’s self-confidence is formed directly under the influence of how significant he feels in the company of relatives, friends, co-workers and, of course, family. Happiness depends on a circumstance that allows the individual to fully express his feelings.

Not much information can be found in Russian, although they have been studied in the West for a long time. This type of person is very sensitive to sensations and needs constant touch to be happy. However, we all need this condition to one degree or another. normal development children and adult happiness.

Not just sex

For some people, touch is their primary love language. That is, without constant physical contact (and we’re not just talking about sex), such a person will not subconsciously consider himself loved. Tactile contact is touching various kinds. IN good families It is customary to hug and kiss each other when meeting. Do not limit yourself solely to sex, because you can stroke your loved one on the cheek, play with his hair, give a massage in accordance with various techniques. It all brings you closer together, especially if your partner expresses their love through touch.

Location and hidden love

IN friendly relations tactile contact is another way to express sympathy. It’s not for nothing that shaking hands is considered normal in many cultures. More about strong sympathy says a touch on the shoulder. A friendly pat on the back makes the relationship informal and shows respect. Often love disguised as friendship is expressed through pampering children, such as tickling the object of affection or even lightly pinching. Moreover, such games are not alien to many adults.

Baby needs

Touch is also important in the relationship between child and mother. Children who are not touched, or touched little, often have mental retardation and a stop in development. Therefore, a child should not only have toys with a variety of textures (to make it interesting to touch), but also long-term tactile interaction with people who love him. Tactile means carried out through receptors on the skin.

The reason for some cheating

Harmonious sex life impossible without quality touches. And the more there are, the better. Many men go “to the left” not because they lack sex, variety, or are bored with the technique of performing the act. And because the wife does not give enough tenderness. They simply don’t believe in love, and therefore they are looking for a girl who loves touching. Moreover, if the contrast is strong, the man may abandon his family altogether.

Signals for others

Tactile contact is also an indicator of the publicity of the relationship. Holding your partner's hand in public, stroking their hair, or cuddling with them sends signals to people around you that you are in a relationship. If a man does not agree to minimal expressions of tenderness, this means that he does not perceive you as a serious partner. Of course, we are not talking about Muslim countries - cultural norms there are different.

Bottom line

Tactile contact is a way to express love, an urgent need for a child, a means to make obvious sympathy. It can also be a method of social declaration of relationships, that is, signaling to others that your partner is “busy.”

Touch is genetically the first, initial channel of communication for us. Even before a child acquires the ability for visual, auditory, speech, and gestural communication, adults interact with him only through tactile contact. Parents and the child at the very beginning of his life build their relationship through touch. Z. Freud in his theory psychosexual development believed that it was in this first stage of life, which he called the oral phase, when the child’s tactile sensations predominate, that the foundations of a person’s mental constitution are laid, the preconditions for his mental health and ill health.
According to some researchers, such as Harlow (1971), touch, or skin-to-skin contact are a biological need, the satisfaction or dissatisfaction of which influences the formation of affection and love in a person. Montague (1972) believes that touch is the most direct mode of emotional interaction, and therefore he views cutaneous stimulation as fundamental and essential important element healthy development every organism.
But something else needs to be noted. In society, touch as a means of communication is strictly regulated and is a subject social norms and taboos that change from culture to culture. Regulation in to the greatest extent concerns touching the face, head, intimate parts of the body (Izard K., 1980).
Touch used in social interactions is divided into several types. There are touches due to professional activity. So, for example, doctors, hairdressers, cutters, sports trainers touch other people while performing their professional duties, that is, purely functionally.
Another type of touching is socially determined and ritual in nature. This could be handshakes, common in European culture, mutual rubbing
Semechkin N.I. Social Psychology
noses, reminiscent of sniffing, as in some island cultures, kisses on the shoulders (as in India), forehead, cheeks (as in Europe and Russia), etc.
And finally, the third type of touch is more intimate, personally colored, indicating close relationships between people - kinship, friendship, love, acquaintance, sexual connection.
In general, men and women touch each other with the same frequency, but there are also specific differences due to certain factors, in particular age. Judith Hall and Helen Vecchia report, for example, that in opposite-sex couples under 30 years of age, men resort to tactile contact more often than women. In more late age Women take the initiative to touch in opposite-sex couples. Researchers have also found that men prefer to touch their hands, while women prefer to touch the hand itself (Hall J. & Veccia A., 1990).
However, men and women respond differently to touch, which is due to differences in socialization and, as a result, differences in the perception of their own status. For example, in a study conducted in one of the university libraries (USA), employees had to either touch or not touch the hands of students changing books. Those students whose hands were touched by employees reacted positively. They liked both the library itself and the librarians more than those students who were not touched by the employees. Students (men) did not react with increased sympathy for the library and employees in response to touch (Fisher J. at all., 1976).
In another study, Cheryl Whitcher and Jeffrey Fisher demonstrated even more striking gender differences in responses to touch. Attendants at a university hospital in the eastern United States either extensively or barely touched patients during preoperative examinations. In fact, touching as such is part of the professional duties of medical staff, so there was nothing unusual in the very fact of touching. The researchers controlled only the independent variable - frequency and duration tactile contacts staff with patients. The study plan included interviewing patients immediately after surgery and studying their mental and somatic state.
As a result of a survey and study of the postoperative state of women, a strikingly obvious positive effect from intense preoperative touching. Those patients who were actively touched reported being less afraid of surgery. Level blood pressure Their postoperative period was almost normal. In a word, in all respects their condition was better than that of those patients whom doctors and nurses touched little.
The exact opposite effect of touch was demonstrated by male patients. Those of them who were touched a lot before the operation reacted sharply negatively to this, and in particular high level blood pressure. Whereas in the control group of male patients, who were touched little, the postoperative indicators were much better.
Thus, we can conclude that women tend to respond more positively to touch than men. Brenda Major suggests that the gender differences that exist here are analogous to status differences in responses to touch. When the status of two people is approximately the same or when it is uncertain, then men react to touch “like men,” i.e., negatively, and women react “like women,” i.e., positively. But if an obviously high-status person touches a low-status person, the latter’s reaction is usually positive, regardless of what gender he is. Consequently, both men and women perceive the touches of a high-status person in the same “feminine way,” that is, positively (Major V., 1981).
It is clear, therefore, that touching can inform an outside observer about social status interacting people. The one who touches the interlocutor clearly occupies a dominant position, having a higher status than the one who is touched. And, indeed, it is easy to imagine, for example, that a manager pats an employee on the shoulder or some other place. And it’s hard to imagine that an employee does the same thing when talking to a manager.
Thus, touch, like other nonverbal means of communication, can serve as a source of information both about the interlocutors and about the communication process itself.