The naked truth about Lovelace. Many acquaintances, but almost no close friends

A real, warm spring is coming. The time when the number of lovers increases by 60%, harmons play and push for crazy deeds. Girls run to buy spring dresses, shoes and are ready to go in search of their beautiful princes. women's hearts strength of its ideality. However, what is really hidden behind this perfect picture?

Lovelace is a disease.

All irresistible heartthrobs are united by the fact that they are sick with such a psychological disease as intimophobia. It lies in the fact that the womanizer is afraid of long intimate relationships with one woman. Such Don Juan cannot be forced to stop even at the most charming and attractive girl, because the fundamental force that makes him change girls almost every week is fear. As soon as he realizes that he begins to depend on the girl, he runs away from her like a cowardly hare from a fox. Psychologists more often consider intimophobia as a pathology of character caused by the upbringing of a single mother. The mother, with her unpredictable behavior, has formed in her child disbelief in the predictability of the behavior of another person, so he does not trust anyone and tries not to depend on anyone. Psychiatrists consider intimophobia a consequence of some mental illness in which emotional and volitional disturbances are observed.

Sissy.

Future intimophobes are often children who are brought up in a female environment without relying on male authority. In childhood, his mother praises him and inspires him that without her he will not be able to do anything worthwhile. He is intimidated by his mother and in the future is afraid to meet a woman who will also seek to control him. Moreover, these guys are very spoiled. female attention mom's friends and girls from kindergarten. “Success, firstly, indulges and inspires a sense of its exclusivity and permissiveness; and secondly, the popular have to erect defensive bastions against overly insistent encroachments. Feeling like a game, the angel will become furious, ”writes famous psychologist Vladimir Levy.

Zero self esteem.

When we meet such a charming, well-groomed guy with a pleasant smile, it seems as if his self-esteem is very high and his self-confidence attracts many girls. In fact, womanizers are self-confident, but not self-confident. Their self-esteem is low and therefore they need female attention in order to prove to themselves and others that they are excellent. live differently. More precisely, maybe, but then his life will completely lose its colors and he will simply close in on himself, so in this case, the womanizers are simply in “sexual addiction”.

“Womanizers are emotionally immature individuals,” says psychologist Natalia BONDAREVA. “They are mostly insecure, their self-esteem is low, so they constantly need to be fed by women. On the other hand, often women themselves are to blame for the fact that men turn into womanizers. Excessive attention from the weak half of humanity generates popularity among women, and success, as you know, indulges and inspires a sense of one's own exclusivity. The attitude of women towards womanizers depends on how much they are offended by the behavior of loving men. So don't take the thugs seriously."

Love tragedy.

A striking example is the story of Casanova. His fiancee, whom he passionately loved and, according to him, carried this feeling through his whole life, died of pneumonia. The blow was so strong that Casanova almost killed himself. After the drama he endured, the count swore to himself that he would never marry and began to start exclusively open relationship with girls. Similarly, in our time, many guys, having experienced an emotional shock after a relationship with a girl they loved, try to run away from the problem, negating the possibility of long-term and Serious relationships with the girls, afraid to relive the tragedy again. And again they are controlled by fear, which speaks of the weakness of these people.

The baseness of the act.

The most dangerous thing about womanizers is that they choose kind, naive and unspoiled girls as their victims. They clearly understand that a girl with experience will immediately recognize them and will not let them close to her, and if she does, then just for fun, and not for feelings. And so they find this "angelic creature", tell her about how they feel with her "like in a fairy tale, like in a dream", about how beautiful and irresistible she is, that she turned his life upside down and took him heart. And this sweet, angelic creature, of course, believes and, of course, falls in love. He looks at the object of his love with angelic eyes and is already ready for the craziest deeds for the sake of his “handsome prince”, and the prince enjoys this admiration, increases his self-esteem and lives for some time in the illusion of falling in love, but this quickly passes.

Let's remember Natasha Rostova and Anatole Kuragin from Tolstoy's War and Peace. Kuragin "powdered" naive girl head with his love and just broke her life. It is difficult to overestimate the meanness of such an act. It is one thing when you meet with the same spoiled girls like yourself, and another thing when you break the life of a “clean” and “kind” girl. Agree, there is a difference.

And yet we need them!

Lovelace is needed by us, girls, and even very much! They are very gallant, they respect every girl, they are ready to give flowers and shower with compliments. good means from depression. They will help the girl to get on her feet, make sure of her attractiveness and irresistibility. Womanizers know female psychology very well, which is why they have such success with girls. So why not take advantage of this and make a womanizer your friend who will help you figure out your problems? Real womanizers generally prefer a female social circle to a dry male circle. Lovelaces do not need to be taken seriously, but it is a pleasure to communicate with them! They are kind, pleasant, charismatic, so let them be your “dear friends”!

Sad future.

Having hundreds of women, the womanizer feels lonely and tries to get lost in entertainment or those who are older in work. From 16 to 30 years old, womanizers are not such a terrible phenomenon, if it is just a period in life, but if this period does not end by the age of 30, then psychologists strongly recommend contacting a psychiatric clinic. "Intimophobia" is dangerous because it makes a person an outcast and most intimophobes in adulthood sit without families, in full loneliness and depression. At the age of 40, both charm and strength are already leaving, and such a womanizer will no longer conquer anyone and will be left with nothing.

Boys, guys and men, do not rush to call yourself ladies' man, attributing illness to yourself! Being proud that you have a psychological illness, isn't that smart, is it?

Girls comments:

“These are guys / men (there is no certain age for womanizers) with an increased interest in girls. They meet with everyone and at the same time with no one, so very often they do not notice their true love and remain lonely in life. (Alice Milyakova)

“These are guys who cannot be in a permanent relationship, they require variety. in principle, I am for a permanent relationship, but I do not blame guys who run after girls. we only live once, if they like to spend their youth like this, then why not :) but we girls better not mess with such people. (Anonymously)

“Unfortunate, unsuccessful in love and relationships people who once had their hearts broken for sure” (Anonymous)

“If possible, I will answer this way: “Everything is in the hands of the girl. If sensible, she will immediately understand the intentions and essence of the guy, and will not waste time on him. If not, he will get burned, of course, but he will gain experience and, perhaps, having become wiser, in the future he will protect himself from being included in the list of some womanizer called “My next for a week”. We all grow up and we all develop an attraction to opposite sex. Don't blame the broken hearts on the guys alone. Modern girls often they themselves provoke them with their behavior to exacerbate natural instincts. ”(Diana Pashko)

“Narotic, not respecting women. For them, only their satisfaction is important, and they don’t care about anything else. ” (Dasha Lesnevskaya)

“Womanizers are prone to selfishness, there is no specific ideal, in the eternal search for a new girl. It’s hard to fall in love with such a person, unless you can only charm and surprise with something special.” (Valery Selezneva)

"This extra nerves, they won't change anyway." (Anonymous)

“It seems to me that these are the people who sincerely believe that there is nothing shameful in their behavior and that jumping from girl to girl is normal behavior"a real male." (Vlada Suleimanova).

"Proud, confident in themselves and in their irresistibility, very sociable but superficial, without particularly deep thoughts in their heads." (Valery Pavluchuk)

“These are guys who do not care about the feelings of girls, their opinions, they do everything for their own pleasure, very windy and frivolous.” (Diana Spiridonova)

“In principle, they are always very similar: the same manners, the same forms of flirting, but despite this, girls most often fall in love with them, hoping that they are not like “everyone.” (Anna Nemnyasova)

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Relations between a man and a woman- This difficult process in which you need to take into account all the little things and features. If you start only from your principles and views, then it is unlikely that you will achieve success in your personal life, because another person may have a completely different character.

Basically, today classify people in their behavior and outlook on life, therefore, for sure, many women would be interested in knowing the features of a man-womanizer, who can break his heart and ruin his life, or vice versa - give years of happiness and joy. Yes, such a man may well become yours forever, unless, of course, he sincerely falls in love and exchanges quantity for quality. To contact such a man or not is your own business, but the information is worth reading. But let's talk about how to calculate it from total mass and determine habits.

1. Lovelace tries not to talk about himself, constantly asking about you. If you notice who shows incredible attention to your personality and does not want to talk about himself, then for sure he belongs to this category of the stronger sex. He will answer all your questions briefly, without revealing the essence of the answer. It is quite possible that he will begin his acquaintance with you with questions about how old you are, what your hobbies are, where you like to go and what kind of literature you read. In fact, he is not very interested detailed information about each of his mistresses, but with the help of such a simple trick, he arouses sympathy in the opposite sex. Women love to talk about themselves, and he knows this very well. Information about you will help him to better establish contact and guess your desires, because it is important for him to receive love and delight in return.

2. Lovelace man tries to adhere to your views, does not argue, agrees with the point of view. It is simply not beneficial for him, because his goal is a specific woman, and not to convince her of any issues. That is why try to listen carefully to what he says. With such a person, after 15 minutes of communication, you will get the impression that you have known him all your life and that it is so easy and simple with him. If he nods and constantly says that he agrees with you, then you have practically become his prey. Psychologists call this ability to achieve the location of the interlocutor - adjustment, so try to analyze at least a little the actions of a particular person and do not rush to melt away from his words and compliments. The most important thing in this matter is to realize in time that he is not at all interested in your deep spiritual world, it is important for him to put another tick in the list of conquered hearts.

3. Lovelace will try to please you and be appropriate situation. If your day is not set, then he will cheer you up with his sparkling humor, if your beloved friend betrayed you, he will tell a similar situation about himself and his friend. He will try to be interesting and relevant to you. In the end, if you simply do not have enough male attention and compliments, it will be happy to help you with this. After talking with a womanizer man, you will feel elated and happy, because he is fluent in psychological tricks and communication skills.

4. He always thinks through all his moves. There are those who are constantly worried about how exactly a particular lady will react to his actions and words and does not know what to expect from her. A womanizer man always knows exactly what to do, and if the first option does not work, he will have one more in reserve. If a woman refuses to go to some institution, then he will offer something else. And if she is simply not in the mood, she will use the whole arsenal of her charm and humor. He knows what he wants, so every step is planned in advance.

5. A womanizer man will make physical contact. Such a man knows exactly what women like, so with the help of tenderness and sensuality, get as close to her as possible. He will invite you to dance, gently touch your hands and cheeks. A womanizer man will never start his date with vulgarity and excessive sexual activity because he can scare away his prey. And absolutely everyone likes tenderness, especially those women who are deprived of male attention. A woman should feel his courage and strength, intertwined with tenderness and sensuality, and he knows how to do this. As soon as a woman melts and succumbs to his caresses, he will be able to do almost anything with her. He will stroke your hair with his hands, touch your back and face, but he will not allow himself something forbidden and vulgar.

6. Lovelace will fill up all your free space. The womanizer man knows perfectly well that one should not lose sight of the one that should become his prey, therefore he carefully monitors his actions with words and desires specific girl. He will give compliments, carry on his arms, compose poetry and show care, but will not spend a lot of money. In fact, it is simply not profitable for him, because you are not the first and not the last from him, but to buy expensive gifts and visiting an expensive restaurant is spending time at a loss. That is why he will show himself as courageously and gallantly as possible, will please pleasant little things, but fit into the minimum amount money.

7. Lovelace man keeps his distance and tries to be elusive. Surely, after a few dates, he will begin to quietly disappear from your field of vision, and then completely out of life. As long as you are interesting to him, he will be there, but as soon as you want to complain to him about life in the middle of the night or invite friends to a party, he will magically find a lot of reasons and excuses, or even disappear from sight.

That is why do not place high hopes on him, because all he needs is a woman available at a convenient time for him. Your calls and requests to meet will be ignored, and the desire to spend time together will go unnoticed. It will give you time to cool down, so as not to become boring, and it can disappear at any moment, especially when you do not expect it.

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There is a widespread opinion about womanizers: a womanizer is a man who changes his partners quite often and who does not want a serious relationship. Lovelace suits light flirting, frequent sexual contacts, romantic adventures, and as soon as the impulse of love begins to fade, the womanizer leaves the woman, starting to search for a new partner.

How to justify the behavior of not young, but already elderly womanizers who continue to run after skirts?

Unwillingness to admit one's age, as well as an attempt to linger in adolescence when hormones are seething, when you want to search, search, search, sort out and search again, which, no doubt, is good for a young man, but bad for an adult man. There is also an influence social environment, which advertises the position that a real man is the one who has many women.

Can the man we call ladies' man be married?

You don't have to be married to be called a ladies' man. Lovelace is a man who has a desire to be constantly in love, to be constantly at the peak of sexuality, and there is a reluctance to move on to other types of relationships. Lovelace can have affairs while married. Hear the story experienced woman who encountered in her life with a womanizer:

What is the difference between a man who is just in search of a womanizer?

A man who is in search falls in love with the girl he starts dating, and then the grinding begins, and people begin to get used to each other. At this stage, it may turn out that people are not suitable for each other: feelings have faded. Lovelace is a man who always knows in advance that this is not the partner with whom he will spend the rest of his life.

That is, he knows in advance that this is just sex, and he consciously goes into this relationship just for the sake of sex?

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Yes, but not necessarily just for sex, because it could be for some romantic adventure. There is a category of womanizers who arrange everything very beautifully and romantically, but apart from this romance, they don’t need anything else.

Fine. And if we assume that the thirty-five-year-old ladies' man lived for his own pleasure, according to his convictions, but suddenly stumbled on one of the girls, falling in love with her and realizing that this is much better than just sex and romance. “It seems to me that this girl is not like everyone else,” he thought. Could this be?

Yes maybe. On this topic there is a brilliant film "Love by the rules and without", in which main character- this is an inveterate sixty-year-old womanizer who has changed his position.

Is there a guarantee that a reformed womanizer has reformed forever?

It is very difficult to predict here: each case is individual. This is due to the climate in the house, and relations with specific woman, and the situation at work - many factors can provoke a person to go “to the left”, but this will not make him a womanizer.

And by whom will he do it?

Will make a walker - a man who just cheats on his wife. married man, who continues to look for other women, something does not suit him in the relationship in which he is. As a rule, when a family arises, romance goes away. And a person wants romance, and then he begins to look for some kind of relationship.

How can a woman understand that the man she likes is a womanizer?

Just as she understands that he has another woman: her heart will tell her. As a rule, a woman sees a man very well and notices the smallest changes in his behaviour. It happens that a man has not yet admitted to himself that he has lost interest in this woman, and the woman already feels it.

Lovelace and a womanizer are men who are the embodiment of the same idea?

Lovelace and a womanizer are one and the same. Simply, a womanizer is folk expression, and womanizer - intelligent.

Do you agree that a real man looks into a woman's heart, and a womanizer is a man who looks under a woman's skirt?

I don’t quite agree, because not all womanizers are only interested in sex: womanizers want adventures, feelings, experiences, and women remember such womanizers even with gratitude. Listen to the story of a man who is a real womanizer:

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So who is he: womanizer, womanizer or male?

Still, a womanizer, because he falls in love with everyone, cannot stop, he wants more and more new feelings and experiences, and not just sex.

Who is Don Juan? How is it different from Lovelace?

Listen to what women think about this:

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In fact, what label a man will be called is determined by how a woman relates to this: if a woman is offended and bitter after parting, then a man will be called a dog or a womanizer, and if she feels good, then Casanova, Lovelace or Don Juan.

The article uses material from the radio program Seeds Chaika "Sex and the City".

Every woman dreams of big sincere love. And when she meets the man of her dreams, it turns out that he is a common womanizer. She realizes with horror that she was just another trophy on his track record. Cruel disappointment, feelings of betrayal, heartache- this is an incomplete list of feelings that exhaust a lady who has figured out the nature of a womanizer.

But male seducers admit that a woman herself allows herself to be deceived and willingly throws herself into well-placed networks of love. Everything happens on a voluntary basis and the lady herself wants to be in the hands of an experienced womanizer.

The secret of the charm of such men is quite simple: they subtly feel the psychology of a woman. Many ladies complain that their life partners do not pay due attention to them, do not want to hear them and constantly spend evenings near the TV. Lovelace understands this perfectly, so he will do everything exactly the opposite: he will listen to the girl and look at her with such a look as if he feels her problem in the depths of his soul. In addition, he is gallant, polite and surprisingly mysterious. The womanizer has enough energy and charm to make every woman think so.

Men - Lovelace shared some effective methods of seduction.

• « I will listen to her, be interested in all her problems, but I will tactfully keep silent about my life! » The seducer pulls information from the "victim". His phrases have the principle: more impressions - less specifics.

• « I agree with her in almost everything so that she feels in me your soul mate! » The girl is surprised to notice that she and her boyfriend like the same dishes, hobbies, and even their attitude to life is exactly the same.

• « I give her what she lacks in life! » He finds out what the girl cares about this moment and tries to fulfill her hidden desires. If a lady has problems at work, then the gentleman will skillfully distract her from unpleasant thoughts.

• « I try to be nice intimacy! » Experienced Lovelace understands that if the lady allows you to approach her, then he has done half the "work".

• « I will be secretive and mysterious for her! ". He wants to be always surrounded by an aura of mystery and mystery, providing an opportunity for female fantasy to create the final image of his person.

A womanizer man is able to give a woman unforgettable moments of happiness. But it will be short-lived and very soon will go to another lady.

It is the womanizers who often use the technique of "pressure on female pity." But the most amazing thing is that many ladies understand this very well. They are smart, successful, self-sufficient, but for some reason, they allow themselves to be lured into a trap of temptation. They themselves show the womanizer their “sore points”, and then complain that he turned out to be a banal womanizer.

Is it possible to keep a womanizer man?

Lovelace rarely becomes an exemplary family man. Even if he enters into a marriage, he will always allocate time in it for "campaigns to the left."

Such a man can be kept if you offer him something unusual and amazing, which cannot be found elsewhere. But not every woman can figure out what it is.

Lovelace is a gentleman in eternal search. He is always looking for something unattainable. But when it finds it, it becomes a classic monogamous man.

Text: Svetlana Ahi

Lovelace, Don Juan, ladies' man- in the days of our grandparents, gallant courteous men were called so. They knew how to deftly "approach the pen", that is, kiss the lady's hand, say an ornate compliment, were pleasant in communication and extremely seductive. The days of sophisticated gentlemen are long gone. But the words that define this in our language remained, although they are used quite rarely. Let's get to know them better!

Dictionary Tour

As always, in order to reveal the meaning of the word, we turn to explanatory dictionaries. And they say that a womanizer is a seducer of women, a red tape (who drags them, that is, cares), constantly looking for new love adventures, fickle in relations with the ladies. Synonyms for the word are the names "Casanova", "Don Juan", "reveler", "libertine", "heartthrob". Now ladies' man - this, however, comes from his own - the name of the hero of a work of art.

Ah, those sentimental novels!

In the first half of the 18th century, sentimentalism dominated Western literature. This trend was characterized increased attention writer to psychological conditions person, his emotional experiences, the world of feelings - "sentiment". Lovelace is the name of the protagonist of Richardson's moralizing sentimental novel Clarissa, or the Story of a Young Lady. A young girl, thin, tender, sensitive, romantic nature, becomes a victim of treacherous harassment and seduction of a smart, prudent, cynical, treacherous aristocrat with the appearance of an angel. With the publication of the book, the name Lovelace took root in society. This word has become a household word to refer to windy men striving for easy, unpromising love affairs, flirting, adventures.

The charm of villainy

Richardson's novel wild success not only among the English reading public. Its content was well known to the educated part of the population of Western and Eastern Europe, as well as the New World. In Russia, ladies read to them, dreaming about the fatal hero-lover. Pushkin in "Eugene Onegin" says that his Tatyana fell in love with "the deceptions of both Richardson and Rousseau." The author of the work even complained that his negative hero, a womanizer man, was more popular than the virtuous and decent Clarissa. Critics of that time, as well as today, are unanimous in their opinion that Richardson's Lovelace is one of the most striking, original and interesting characters in English literature. This is an image of "Satan" in the "guise of a gentleman" - charming, witty, fearless, courageous and not knowing pity.

Having found out who the womanizer is, we will continue our research. From the pages of the novel, the name stepped into Big world and was picked up by other writers, already in the same 18th century becoming a household word. However, having entered into wide word usage, it is written in Russian somewhat differently than in the original language. The English have the correct surname - Lovelace, which means "love lace". That is, Richardson called the hero so for a reason, but with a hint of his ability to weave love affairs how craftswomen weave lace: gracefully, subtly, cunningly, sophisticatedly. The Russian version arose, perhaps by analogy with the word "catch" - womanizer. Synonyms for him were selected appropriate: libertine, windy, don Juan. But the same Pushkin, an excellent connoisseur of literature, with a subtle linguistic instinct, in Onegin used correct form surnames - "Lovlas". And Lovelace is a very common surname among the British!

And I know dear by ...

Remarkable examples of the heartthrob have been given to us by our Russian literature. Remember Onegin! He was a true genius of the "science of tender passion" - flirting and seduction. What Pushkin writes about this: from his youth, Eugene could “be hypocrite, seem languid, languish, dissuade, make believe”, was “languidly silent” and “fieryly eloquent”. It cost nothing to Onegin to disturb the hearts of the “note coquettes”, to fall in love with himself, then, in the current language, “quit”. The guy-womanizer - this is how the current youth would describe him. And, in fact, she would be right! Another wonderful example of heartbreak is Pechorin from A Hero of Our Time. As if by notes, he played the seduction of Princess Mary. Managed to fall in love with Bela. Vera was a victim of his fickle nature for many years. As the hero himself correctly noted, his feelings were for women not a source of happiness and joy, but of disappointment and unfulfilled hopes.

Psychological picture

Let's try to get out character traits real womanizer. First of all, these are men who are completely self-confident, enterprising, able to take everything under their control - from the first steps of seduction to the denouement of the novel. It is easy for them to take and get acquainted with the lady they like anywhere: in transport, cafes, on the street, in companies. And even if a woman is already married, or she has a fan - it doesn’t matter, this fact will not stop a real Casanova. On the contrary, he will give the situation the sharpness and piquancy that this type of men needs so much. After all, Lovelaces are rather interested not in the final result, but in the process of “hunting”, the development of tactics and strategies and their phased implementation. Naturally, such men are devilishly charming, courteous. Some put on a romantic air and act accordingly. beautiful courtship, gifts, candlelight dinners - ladies' man themselves enjoy the intrigue they are leading. After all, often they are real aesthetes! And play on tender strings female soul for such people - a real pleasure. Whether to succumb to seducers depends on the ladies themselves. Want to vivid impressions, a holiday today, but without the hope that it will last tomorrow, then the womanizer is the perfect gentleman for you. afraid to stay with broken hearted- stay away from him!