Family roles and leadership. The problem of power in the family
The decision to get married is quite a serious moment in the life of both men and women. The prospect of family life paints bright prospects for the spouses. The newly-made wife sees herself as a legendary housewife, the most caring and tender mother and the unsurpassed lover of her husband. The young husband is also full of plans for a future together. Spacious house, car and other amenities of civilization. Discussing their future, a husband and wife in love make changes to their dreams that have not yet come true, complement them and, of course, believe in their fulfillment. It would seem that there is nothing that could turn the life of one of them into a slave for the second. Why does this happen?
Who is the head in this house
The place of leader in the family is occupied by the more decisive spouse. This happens simply because brave individuals always try to become the first, without fear of responsibility. Nothing new! But the second family member rarely calmly endures the prospect of further submission and tries throughout later life change your position.
Over the years, the more morally weak spouses get used to their unenviable position and become real slaves and slaves of their masters.
In another case, the constant struggle for the “throne” can lead to misunderstanding and constant scandals, with all the ensuing consequences...
The thorny path to the goal
What to do if you want to be in charge? It’s worth noting right away that after putting on a commander’s jacket, you will immediately have to show the toughness and strength of your character. Moreover, the demonstration performance should in no case be unfounded. It’s not enough to just make a choice to do this or that; you need to defend, prove and analyze the consequences of this or that decision.
For example, how to convince your other half of the need to buy this particular washing machine? Of course, you need to compare the selected model with similar machines in advance. And decide, first of all, for yourself, what exactly you want. Then write down and remember its advantages over others. Find information about the service life of similar models and customer reviews about them. With such arguments, you can easily lure the seller to your side. An experienced consultant will immediately realize that the “bird in the hand” speaks the absolute truth, and the opinion of a professional is always valuable.
This is how the tactics for defeating the home leader will be slowly but surely developed.
It’s worse if the leader-half’s decision sounds categorical. Here it is worth asking for clarification as to why it is this way and not otherwise. In no case should refusal be harsh and negative reaction. The reason may be solely personal sympathy in choosing such a solution. Examples from the lives of people you know who have found themselves in the same situation can help here. So, based on the specifics of certain individuals, over time the decision can be rethought.
The second option is to experience a daily reminder of the possibility of making a different decision that will lead to better consequences. In any case, constantly listening to a problem, a person will think about several options and choose the most optimal one. It is important that it has already been calculated by you in advance.
The reason to be a leader may also be the opportunity to show off among your friends. So, for example, a husband can prove to his friends that he is not henpecked. And the wife must confirm that the marriage did not deprive her of freedom.
In such cases it will help collective work. Yes yes exactly collaborations will help you understand that a husband or wife simply cannot cope without outside help. And the other side, accordingly, will be able to understand for itself that fulfilling requests and simply doing something together is not a manifestation of spinelessness and humility, but a very ordinary phenomenon.
Characteristics of a modern family
3. Leadership in a modern family
The distribution of roles and functions in the family is closely related to the concepts of leadership in the family. In this regard, it should be noted that “...now the head of the family is not the head “by law”, but the leader, that is, whose psychological impact confessed voluntarily." Therefore, we can assume that in an egalitarian marriage, both spouses can equally be leaders, while in a traditional marriage, the role of leader belongs to the man.
Dynamic approach to family problems classifies modern families into three types: symmetrical, complementary and meta-complementary.
A marriage can be called symmetrical, where both spouses have equal rights, none of them is subordinate to the other. In such a marriage, all problems are resolved consensually through exchange or finding a compromise. Complementary marriage implies autocracy, i.e. one gives orders, and the other waits for his instructions. In a meta-complementary marriage, one of the partners achieves his goal by manipulating the other, emphasizing his weaknesses, inexperience, and powerlessness.
N.F. Fedotova argues that in a modern family, the husband’s recognition of his leadership is based mainly on priority in the material support of the family and success in production, i.e. in activities outside the family. From the point of view of women, to recognize the headship of a husband, his role as the main breadwinner is not enough. Attributing to the husband the role of the head of the family, women pay attention to his participation in organizing leisure time, in creating a favorable psychological climate, and to a lesser extent - in organizing everyday life and raising children. At the same time, what is important for wives is not so much the husband’s participation in these matters, but rather the fact that he participates in them more actively than husbands in other families.
The basis for recognizing the headship of a wife is the high appreciation of her multifaceted activities in the family, not only by herself, but also by her husband. At the same time, the strongest motive for recognizing the headship of a wife is her authority with children and the daily work associated with caring for children. Women care for and raise children regardless of their social status and education. Unlike mothers, fathers are more involved with their children the higher their educational level and social status.
With a high assessment of your family activities wives often recognize their husband's inability to organize family life. Therefore, research modern family Fedotova proved that in families with female leadership there is low marital satisfaction (especially among women). .
The situation of leadership in a modern egalitarian family was well presented by A. Dobrovich and O. Yasitskaya [ 4, p.7]: in some matters the head is the husband, and in others the wife. IN the right moments they exchange leadership, and no friction arises in connection with this, i.e. the personal leadership of the spouse is built as free self-government, similar to the processes of leadership in informal small groups. Such families are characterized by approximately same level assessments of the personal characteristics of the husband and wife and high satisfaction with family life.
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Primary role adaptation necessarily includes the coordination of ideas about character and distribution family responsibilities. According to K. Kirkpatrick, there are three main types of marital roles: traditional, companionate and partner.
Traditional roles require the wife to:
giving birth and raising children,
creating and maintaining a home,
family service,
devoted subordination of one's own interests to the interests of the husband,
adaptability to addiction
tolerance for restrictions on the scope of activity.
From the husband's side:
devotion to the mother of her children,
economic security and family protection,
maintaining family power and control,
making major decisions
emotional gratitude to the wife for accepting adaptation to addiction,
provision of alimony during divorce.
Companionship roles require the wife to:
maintaining external attractiveness,
provision moral support and sexual satisfaction of the husband,
maintaining benefits for the husband social contacts,
lively and interesting spiritual communication with her husband and guests,
providing variety in life and eliminating boredom.
From my husband:
admiration for his wife,
chivalrous attitude towards her,
reciprocal romantic love and tenderness,
providing funds for outfits, entertainment, social contacts,
spending leisure time with my wife.
The roles of partners require both husband and wife to:
economic contribution to the family in accordance with earnings,
general responsibility for children,
participation in homework,
distribution of legal responsibility.
But, in addition to the general things, the wife is also required to:
willingness to renounce the knighthood of the spouse (since the spouses are equal),
equal responsibility for maintaining the status of the family; in case of divorce and absence of children - refusal of financial assistance.
And from my husband:
acceptance of the wife’s equal status and agreement with her equal participation in making any decisions (cited from: Kovalev S.V., 1988, p. 137).
Leadership in family relationships
The man is the head of the family. This statement is in many modern marriages has lost its relevance, unfortunately or fortunately. Today's women, in most cases, work, become financially independent of their husbands, while continuing to run the household and raise children. Having taken on all these functions, some women claim leadership in the family, wanting to make decisions alone.
Of course, a man, as a rule, is not satisfied with this situation and he tries to win his status as “the breadwinner of the family.” How fierce and open the struggle for dominance in the family will be depends on the characters of the spouses, their culture of communication and status in the family.
An ideal marriage can be considered an equal position of spouses with a high culture of communication. Being a leader does not mean morally suppressing a partner and asserting oneself at his expense; it means taking responsibility for family members, making decisions and making compromises. Whenever controversial issues spouses may well agree and agree thanks to ethics and the ability to analyze the situation. Making concessions equally is an indicator of the leadership traits inherent in strong personalities who are able to accept that they are wrong in some matters. Therefore, when all disagreements in a family are resolved through discussion and each spouse makes concessions equally, we can say that the partners are on equal terms and there is no clear leader in the family.
Another model of relationships is very common in modern marriages, when a woman tries to seize the leadership position in the family, and does this openly and completely. Earning the same amount as her husband or more, raising children and running a household, a woman begins to suppress her partner by taking over his area of family responsibilities. In its turn strong man resists the onslaught from where they arise conflict situations, sometimes insoluble. In such situations, if the spouses do not have a high culture of communication and for a woman leadership becomes an obsession, conflicts are inevitable. The husband will have to prove his importance not in words and try to achieve equal status with his wife. If a man accepts such a situation, gives up his position and is ready to live with a woman leader, then such marriages, as a rule, are durable and take place.
A family where each spouse considers himself a leader and at the same time is unable to agree with each other is open field fighting and endlessly pulling the blanket over oneself. The subject of dispute can be any topic, and if there is a divergence of opinions, a scandal develops. In such a family, the woman does not necessarily surpass her husband financially; a child can become a powerful motive in the struggle for a leading position. In the vast majority of unions, all issues related to raising children are decided by the woman, and since a child is the meaning of marriage, as a continuation of the family, the wife takes on the leading role, fulfilling the most important mission. Gradually, a quarrel becomes a habit and if neither side gives up ground, then family life it will be like on a volcano.
There is the concept of official leader and formal leader. The problem of many families is the inner self of each spouse, which does not allow compromise. The official leader is usually a man, as is historically the case, but he is not always the true leading partner in the family. The art of leadership lies in the ability to give the official leader the illusion of superiority, while the informal leader remains in the shadows, but in fact has power and authority. This role of informal leader is played mainly by women, who give the man the feeling of a leader in the family, who is actually a follower. This manner of behavior is possessed by people who have a sharp mind and an adequate inner self, which allows them to manage the process while remaining in the position of the second. This is akin to the situation in a work team, when the deputy director actually manages the enterprise, but the director undoubtedly remains the official leader. The family model with this position of the spouses is very successful and for the most part does not conflict, but people do not always know how to manage their partner so skillfully.
Whatever the status of the partners in the family, whatever the reasons for the quarrels, it is important to be able to listen and hear and work on the relationship to achieve a common goal - happy marriage. IN harmonious family each spouse is satisfied with their position, and therefore living together to joy.
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Problem authorities V family. Primary role adaptation necessarily includes the coordination of ideas about character and distribution family responsibilities.
Leadership V family relationship The man is the head families. -
Family roles And leadership. Problem authorities V family. -
SP – modern section. ps., studying human development V family environment, psychological features, internal... more ».
Family roles And leadership. Problem authorities V family. -
Family roles And leadership. Problem authorities V family.
That is, the plan for the future is drawn up mainly according to family instructions and samples. The situation of conception can have a strong influence on the future fate of a person. -
IN children's team such students apply for leadership and official recognition.
Considering the interdependence of relationships V family, they are described through those roles which the child performs. -
If there is problem.
Basic forms authorities: 1. Power coercion (the leader has the ability to impose orders.
Management And leadership. Styles manuals. -
2. Mediation: psychologist-consultant in roles mediator facilitates recovery
IN family counseling involves nuclear or advanced family. As a rule, this type of psychological assistance is used when the existing Problems... -
Orienting the psychotherapist to 6 aspects of functioning families: 1) ability to solve problems; 2)communications in
learning-oriented families By roles And functions performed in society, as well as the dynamics family structures and their social consequences. -
Among these problems: - inconsistency in functioning families social needs - the contradiction between male and female roles V family, between roles professional and family, low cohesion family groups - loss of prestige... -
If there is problem.
Leadership And management discussed in social psychology as group processes associated with social power V group.
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Marina Nikitina
A family is a team that needs a reasonable and fair leader and leader. A man is naturally endowed with leadership abilities. Therefore, it is traditionally considered correct when the husband becomes the head of the family.
Why is it better when the husband is in charge? How to change your husband so that he is in the family?
Behavior and personality of the head of the family
The head of the family can be either a man or a woman. If the leadership of one spouse satisfies the other, the family functions well. When a man is subtle and vulnerable by nature, and a woman is strong and courageous, she dominates the relationship, he submits and they are happy together.
The head of the family is a person who:
It is a guarantor of stability and order. The head of the family is guided by reason, establishes and adheres to family rules and laws. Emotionality and frequent change moods adversely affect the ability to manage and lead.
Due to the innate characteristics of the functioning of the body and psyche, a woman is emotional and subject to mood swings more often than a man.
Provides material goods. The head of the family works for the family, invests money and effort into it. The one who earns and provides for the family leads it.
It is extremely important for a man to have the status of “breadwinner”, “breadwinner” of the family. It has long been established: a woman is the keeper of the home, a man is the breadwinner. Modern world is not so categorical in the distribution of the roles of men and women, it assumes freedom of choice to be a follower or a leader. But unlike social roles, a person cannot choose instincts and needs. A man feels the need, revered in the family, to earn love through actions.
There comes a time in every woman’s life when she becomes temporarily disabled – the period of pregnancy, childbirth and the first three years of a child’s life. This period is a test of a man’s courage, ability to be the head of the family, to provide her with everything she needs while his wife takes care of the baby.
He also knows how to protect. The head of the family ensures order and law within the family and protects it from outsiders. negative factors. He takes responsibility for the peace and well-being of family members, knows how to stand up and fight for it. Being the head of a family is not easy; it is work that requires strength and energy.
The ability to be responsible for the family requires willpower, activity, energy, and sometimes even aggressiveness. It's traditional masculine qualities and character traits.
The head, the “head” of the family is a person guided by reason. It’s good when a man decides to be the head of the family on his own, is ready for this role, is able to bear responsibility, protect, and provide for the family.
It is more natural for a woman to be the “heart” and “soul” of the family. She creates comfort, cleanliness, and order. A woman provides psychological well-being and comfort in the family. He cares, consoles, advises, helps, loves without judgment.
When the husband is the head of the family
How do they behave when they start a family? They become its head without hesitation. They either tell the woman that she is now under protection and guardianship, or they assume this by default.
In most cases, a man is not so categorical, so the question “Who is the boss of the house?” discussed by the couple together. A woman can offer a man a leadership role. In this case, they discuss the features of this role, distribute rights and responsibilities, negotiate and come to a common decision.
The husband is the head of the family when he:
adult, mature personality;
responsible, serious, stable;
, provides for the family;
performs assigned duties;
ready and willing to be a father/a good father;
loves a woman and does everything possible for her happiness.
A man is not ready to be the head of the family if he:
immature, infantile personality;
afraid of responsibility;
;
does not know how or thinks that he does not know how to lead;
unable to provide for family;
not ready for fatherhood;
doesn't love a woman.
A woman can help a man become the head of the family, but manipulation, blackmail and attempts to re-educate him are ineffective.
The question “How to change a man?” relevant before marriage and the birth of children. If a man is ready to change for the sake of the girl with whom he is starting a family, he will do it before he marries her. He will want to achieve everything that will allow him to create strong family. If he hasn't changed before the wedding, he's unlikely to change after.
And marriage - important decisions in a woman's life. Creating a family must be approached consciously.
How to help a man become the head of the family
A woman who is thinking about how to change a man needs to think about what to change in herself. Often the husband's inability and unwillingness to be the head of the family is provoked by the behavior of his wife.
Because of love or dislike, the responsibility of the husband is transferred to the shoulders of the wife by herself.
Refuse to execute men's duties. If a woman takes on men's work because she performs it better or does not wait for the man to take it up, she accustoms him to failure to fulfill his duties. The man will either be offended and consider himself unnecessary, or will be glad to have the opportunity to shift responsibilities onto his wife’s shoulders. In any case, he will lose the desire to perform male duties.
Praise your husband for fulfilling his duties. Even a man's small work should be appreciated positively. If you criticize, then constructively, so as not to discourage a man from trying. The wife's praise, admiration and praise of her husband's virtues increases his self-esteem and self-confidence.
Ask for help. Don't demand, but ask! A man may forget about a woman’s request and not understand hints, so he needs to ask and remind him of the request. The request should not contain reproaches or insults, but rather state a fact (even if this weakness is slightly exaggerated). You can flatter your husband by saying that he behaves like real men behave, fulfilling his wife’s requests. By demonstrating dependence on a man, a woman encourages him to be more caring.
Respect and show respect in public. Even if a man is not so good as the head of a family or is not a leader, it is better to praise him in public and emphasize his merits. Hearing how his wife speaks about him, a worthy man will be ashamed that he is not as good as his wife says. He will want to confirm his words with his actions. When a woman consults, takes into account opinions, listens to a man, he feels that he is respected. Family well-being The wife's claims and complaints about her husband's inability to be in charge are harmful. Reporting, scolding, shaming, calling names - humiliating man's dignity - is the worst thing a woman can do.
Let him make decisions. To make the best decision for the family, you need to consult and talk with each other. But the final decision is made by the man. His word is weighty, significant, important. He realizes that decisions have consequences that fall on him.
Share raising children with him. A man should participate in raising children. Only the father teaches many things to a child. For a daughter, a father is an image of a man with whom she unconsciously compares her chosen ones; for a son, he is a role model with whom he identifies himself.
A woman should not be too demanding of a man. No matter how strong he may be, he still also needs tenderness, support and love. The husband's responsibility does not exclude the wife's responsibility for the well-being of the family. all its members.
No wonder they say that the husband is the head, and the woman is the neck. Loving and wise woman will be able to help her husband become the head of the family!
March 23, 2014What is valued in a man? His strength, inner core, ability to take responsibility. The ability to be a leader, both in society, the world around you, in your business, and in the family - taking the main blow, bearing full responsibility for those who need you, and for whom you are support and protection.
But all this - Nice words, but what should stand behind them? After all, let’s say the concept of leadership can be interpreted in very different ways. Also with responsibility and support. These are good words, and anyone normal man or a woman will agree that such qualities should be present in worthy man, but what does everyone mean when they talk about these qualities?
1. Male leadership
What does the concept of male leadership include?
First of all, a man is a man of action.
If a woman is, first of all, an emotion, a nuclear reactor that can both feed, give unimaginable power, and shamelessly “fog” - so that a man next to such a woman simply dies from radiation, then a man is primarily actions, results, movements in the real world.
Therefore, a man leader is a man who is passionate about his work, gives it his whole soul, constantly improves and moves forward. A man should have a sense of purpose and a path to this goal, regardless of the surrounding space. Only in this case does a man gain confidence, awareness, and a feeling of the correctness of his life.
And if the path is chosen correctly, and corresponds to masculine nature (and individual characteristics men) - then this approach will certainly lead to good results.
At the same time, it is important to look not at the man’s current position, since everything changes, but at the path he is taking. The world is changing, everything around is changing, and the one who is successful today may find himself at the bottom tomorrow, and the one who is just starting his path can reach the top. The only thing that is true is the direction you are going. Up or down.
Business for a man is the basis of everything. If a woman exists in a family - and the main priority of any woman (if she has not been carried away from fear in an unknown direction) is family, then for a man the family comes in second place.
No matter how valuable the family is for a man (and it is, of course, what makes him move, and for whom things are generally done), but if a man realized himself in the family, but did not realize himself in business, he will be unhappy .
And this option is practically impossible. That the man in the family is caring, patient, gentle, and so on, but at the same time a loser in business. He will simply be corroded by corrosion from the feeling of his own worthlessness in the world. And all this will spill over into the family.
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A man cannot be successful only in the family. First things first - this is business.
2. How do you become a leader?
A leader is not the one who shouts the loudest or proclaims himself to be the leader. A leader is always the one who makes the greatest demands on himself, and whose standards are the highest in the team and society.
Such people, consciously or unconsciously, attract others, weaker ones. People begin to gravitate towards someone who has such inner strength, and are ready to follow him. Since this person’s standards are higher, other people, in the desire to raise their standards, are ready to follow him.
This is how leadership is born.
3. What about a relationship with a woman?
In a relationship with a woman, a man should be a locomotive to which a woman can easily and naturally cling.
It must be a serious and unshakable force that goes in a certain direction.
Should a man be guided by a woman's desires? In certain situations, yes. Of course you need to listen, of course you need to try to understand the desires and aspirations of a woman, what she likes. But at the same time, do not fall into the trap of shifting responsibility: when a man constantly asks what a woman wants, while not feeling confident in his actions and decisions.
Remember the main thing - your behavior means a lot to a man, but if there is no harmony at the level of signs, then the relationship will be very tense. It is very advisable to find out the exact compatibility of your zodiac sign with the sign of a man. This can be done by clicking on the button below:
If a man does this, then everyone suffers: the woman, who is in fact transferred responsibility for decisions and their results, and the man, who loses his status as a leader and the feeling of his masculine nature.
If a man “leads” the relationship, acts primarily on his own, makes decisions himself, then a woman is very comfortable adapting to his direction and hitching a ride. And everyone gets high from it.
Moreover, there is one more nuance: it should be easy and relaxed. If a man begins to “slap” a woman with all his might, proving his leadership not with actions, behavior and actions, but with words, then this is a losing option. Words cannot change or convince anyone. Actions are important.
If a man acts in accordance with his destiny and masculine nature, feels strength and confidence in himself, then the woman will feel it too, and will stand behind him - easily and naturally.
And one more thing: a woman doesn’t always want to think for herself. Sometimes a man needs to show a certain “toughness”, although it should be shown softly, in order to direct a woman in a certain direction. Guide a soft but firm hand towards a definite solution.
After all, one of the features of the female psyche is difficulty in making decisions when there are many options. A woman gets stressed and feels uncomfortable in certain situations, and here a man’s ability to lead and make a decision comes in very handy.
4. Can a woman change a man and his goals?
It is important: a woman can correct the course. But do this only softly and gently.
Like a bull being led by the ring in the nose. You move lightly and softly - and the bull turns where it should. If you pull, you will tear off a piece of meat, and the bull will go berserk.
Ultimately, a wise woman achieves what the man is walking(runs, rides, flies) in the direction that she herself needs. At the same time, he continues to believe that these are his decisions and his path.
After all, the realization that it was not you who made the decision, but that they decided for you, is destructive for a man and destroys his self-esteem and self-esteem.
There is also an important component: initially, when starting a relationship, a woman needs to take a closer look at the man’s goals. It happens that these goals are completely inconsistent with her desires and characteristics, and no attempts on her part can change this. In this case, it is better to simply not start a relationship and find a person who will be closer to you.
5. A man’s responsibility in a relationship
There is a second component for a man in a relationship (and in life in general) - and this is responsibility.
What does the word "responsibility" mean? Actually, the root of this word contains the answer - the responsible person who holds the answer. He is responsible for his actions, he makes a decision - and then takes the results of these actions upon himself.
Many people tend to shift responsibility from themselves to others, or to the world. This is just an example of irresponsibility.
In general, this constant internal question is very important: “what depends on me, what can I do?”, “what actions do I need to take to correct the situation?”
These questions lead to decisions, actions and actions.
The opposite option: a man begins to look for the reasons for mistakes and failures in those around him: “My wife is a fool! the government is pathetic! Everything was stolen!” and so on.
That's all - there is a shift of responsibility from oneself to others. A man degrades when he does this.
6. The concept of the internal core
And finally, this is the concept of the inner core, and inner masculine strength.
In fact, the core is a combination of several qualities of a man, which together give inner confidence and that same strength.
What are these qualities?
This is the sense of leadership and responsibility described above. This is strict discipline and firm confidence in your goals, and the path to these goals. This is believing in yourself and in your path and destiny. Unshakable faith. Perseverance and determination.
All this together gives birth to a man.
But you shouldn’t expect that every man has this core from birth. Steel is hardened, and so is a man - he goes through a certain path. And it hardens and becomes stronger.
If he consciously follows the path of improving himself as a man, and is aware of his goals and his nature, he will definitely be able to develop an inner core and strength.
And become a real man.
They say: to become a real man, on average it takes 45 years.
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