The behavior of a child and an adult is different. How is a child different from an adult? When do children become adults? Features of the child's psyche
Adults are much more like children than children are like adults. For many children, a truck is a Big Machine. For a long time they cannot understand that a truck is designed to transport goods, and an ordinary passenger car is designed to transport people. In the same way, for many adults, a child is a Little Adult. They don't understand that a child has different problems than an adult. Although an adult at times behaves and even should behave like Big child, a child is not a Little Adult. The idea that a child is a miniature adult could be called the idea of homunculus (homunculus called a smart little man).
How does a child differ from an adult? The child is helpless. As he grows, he becomes less helpless, but still depends on his parents to teach him how to do things. As he is taught to do this or that, he has more and more new subjects to master; but, as we have already said, he cannot learn what he is not yet ready for nervous system. The time at which his various nerves, such as the nerves of his legs or intestines, mature depends on the quality of the nervous system he inherited from his parents. If a baby is born prematurely, he sometimes has to be kept in an incubator before his body is mature enough for the cradle.
Children's images are vague. At first, the child can only separate the outside world from himself. He learns to highlight individual items, and his images become more accurate. Adults require many years of experience to refine their images, and even then they are not very good at identifying essential objects. The child does not have such experience; While he is studying, he and his parents must show restraint and patience.
Minerva Seyfus, for example, has always been unusual for her age developed child. When she was learning to walk, she would turn things over from time to time, like all children at that time. One day she knocked over an ashtray and was angrily told not to do it again. It was important to her mother that the ashtray contained ashes; but at Minerva's age, with all her development, the girl's attention was drawn to something simpler: not to the contents of the ashtray, but to her appearance. She wanted to please her mother, but she was under the wrong impression. The fact is that this ashtray was blue color, and Minerva told herself that she would obey her mother and never turn over any of those blue objects again. The next day she began to play with a light green ashtray; For this, her mother scolded her cruelly, exclaiming: “After all, I told you never to play with the ashtray again!” Minerva was puzzled. After all, she carefully avoided all blue plates according to her interpretation of her mother’s demands, and now she is scolded for playing with green! When the mother realized what she had done wrong, she explained: “Look, these are ashes. That’s what these plates are for. They put these gray grains in ashtrays. Don’t turn over anything that contains this thing!” And then Minerva realized for the first time that the ashtray was not a blue plate, but an object containing gray powder. After that everything was fine.
If the mother underestimates the child's difficulties and does not explain various things to him clearly enough to avoid misunderstandings, then the punishment may lose all meaning for him; and if this is repeated over and over again, then in the end he no longer tries to be good and behaves as he pleases, because he feels that he will never understand what they want from him. The child may come to the conclusion that punishments are something like unpredictable “acts of Providence” that periodically strike him regardless of his actions.
However, punishments make him resentful, and he may do bad things to get back at his mother. In some cases, all this can be avoided by following the example of Mrs. Seifus, that is, clearly and unambiguously explaining to the child what is required of him.
The baby is primarily concerned with the basic issues of life, breathing and eating, and cares about these things above all else. An adult knows (with a certain degree of certainty) that when normal conditions he will eat at the proper time. The child may not have such confidence because he does not know what the required conditions are, but only knows that it all depends on the mother. He soon gets the idea that the first guarantee of safety from fear and hunger is that his mother loves him, and he begins to make efforts to acquire her love. If he is not sure mother's love, he becomes restless and fearful. If his mother does things that he cannot understand at his age, it can upset him, no matter how clearly his mother understands her actions. If she has to interrupt feeding to take care of his sick father, and if she does not caress him at the same time, this can frighten the child just as much as if his mother abandoned him, not wanting to take care of him. A frightened child is an unhappy and difficult child. When he sees an opportunity to take revenge for some kind of fright, such as the one described above, he can take advantage of this opportunity. He is unable to think clearly enough to understand that such behavior may cause him more harm than good.
The life of a child is full of shocks and amazing phenomena that we adults cannot fully appreciate. Imagine what a shock it is for a child to be born! And how surprised he must be when he sees the book for the first time! His mother tells him that these black icons are "cat". But he knows that a cat is a furry animal. How can black icons be the same thing as a furry animal? How amazing this is! He would like to know more about this.
Weird question! Probably the same as adults get from children. But what if an adult cannot compare, if only because he simply does not remember himself as a child? It’s rare that anyone can boast of lasting memories earlier than 3 or even 5 years. But until that age, a person also lives, grows and develops very actively. So what does our memory hide?
The first and most important difference between children and adults is serious gaps in knowledge about this world. Which they are actively trying to make up for. That is why children examine, smell and taste everything by touch and taste, trying to answer the question “how does it work?” everyone accessible ways and ask a lot of questions. And for parents to scold, or even punish, their children for their desire to learn is not just stupid, but also short-sighted - school is ahead of them. Where children who were punished for trying to explore the world on their own will find themselves in a losing position.
The second difference, obvious, is the size and capabilities of the physical body. Physical bodies children grow and develop, so they need and proper nutrition, And physical exercise, and good sleep - everyone knows about this. But less attention is paid to the development of the nervous system of children, the maturation of parts and the formation of brain functions. And about the fact that physical activity child directly affects his mental development Few people know at all. It's not just about outdoor games fresh air, the child needs information about the world, and for this he must touch and manipulate objects, and move in space - all his senses must be involved. It is on the basis of this information that the child creates full-fledged images with which he learns to operate in the course of thinking. For example, an apple is round, green, smooth, cool, with a special smell, taste and consistency of the pulp. And also, his bones can especially tap inside. And apples are different, but there are qualities that unite them all into one concept.
The third difference is spontaneity. Children study the world, remember what is here and what it is called, and actively use the knowledge they have gained, informing all passengers on the bus that their uncle is bald and their aunt is very fat. Children, unlike adults, are just learning to independently identify the emotions they experience in a given situation, and learn from their parents how to express them. And parents usually tell children that others are also capable of feeling something, and that these feelings must be taken into account, because this is education.
The “spontaneity” of adults has a completely different origin.
And the fourth difference, which most alienates the worlds of adults and children, is centeredness. The center of every child’s world is himself. And it is precisely this fact that allows a child to develop so quickly, to assimilate a colossal amount of information, while maintaining amazing mental flexibility. This is why time passes so slowly in childhood.
The center of an adult’s world in 98% of cases lies outside himself, so the happiness and well-being of most adults does not depend on themselves.
A shift in this center occurs in the process of upbringing, due to the child’s immediate desire to be loved and to prove his love to his parents.
Love your children and be happy.
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Dedicated functions hemispheres, I just touched on the topic, how often we are limited by previous experience . And so , completely unexpectedly, it received a new sound. On the same day I attended a master class from the Business Relations company " How to create a bright future? " It was conducted by Arsen Ryabukha. Very figuratively, convincingly and with a great deal of humor, he proved that quite often our life experience bothers us. How so? After all, we believe that it is experience that gives us certain advantages. This is exactly what adults are different from children. We know something that they don't know yet. Another question: “Does this knowledge make us happier?” The whole room started laughing when Arsen suggested answering the question: “Have you ever met a single 3-year-old who is skeptical or depressed?” Well, yes, it’s even hard to imagine. How many such people are there among adults? children always live in the moment here and now Our little children look at the world with open and trusting eyes. They are in an amazing state of complete acceptance of life and are not yet burdened by their past. They have too little of it. Children do not learn to live in the “Here and Now” moment, having this ability from birth. They are very organic in this state and know how to enjoy the most various little things, which we have not paid attention to for a long time. When a baby wants something, he gives himself to it with all the frantic passion of his desire. And least of all thinks about possible obstacles and restrictions. We adults very often lose this ability: “To be happy with what we have now.” Unlike children, we know how to look into the Future only through the prism of our experience. This happens no matter how successful or fulfilled we are. It's great when the experience is positive. And if not? This also happens. I liked this metaphor from Arsen for its accuracy: "Since our gaze is almost always turned to the experience of the past, we move with our backs to the future. Maybe because of this, the parallel between our past and our ass suggests itself"- Arsen joked. “Isn’t it so? After all, it is this outstanding part of the body that is in front of our movement towards the future. And if we speak figuratively: then for some it or it (ass = past) is very large, for others it is smaller. Just the essence the same. Moving in such an inconvenient way, we manage to collect our own waste products - everything that our past has processed and passed off as bad experience. We do not want to part with this cargo. And with every step it becomes bigger and heavier. We pull it out last bit of strength, but we rarely ask ourselves: "Why? Why do we so stubbornly carry around something that does not benefit us? What is the point of this?" We forget that experience is just ours unique way perception and comprehension information that we present as truth. Although, truth as such does not exist. “Truth is what is useful” - says one of the rules of NLP Imagine that we are waiting to move into a new, spacious apartment. But instead of throwing away the unnecessary junk that has accumulated over the years, we load everything into countless boxes. With faces red from tension, we packed the truck to capacity, jealously watching to make sure nothing of what we had acquired was lost. And, having laid out the junk, we wonder: “Why isn’t the apartment happy? Yesterday it looked so big and bright. But today it surprisingly resembles our previous home.” We don’t realize that the problem is not in the apartment, but in what we filled it with. “The cockroaches of our past” always end up with us if we don’t get rid of them in time, along with things that have become obsolete. You can, of course, ignore, turn away in disgust, be afraid or suffer while looking at their hordes. IN best case scenario we will want to change apartment again (and we will, according to the old habit, collect all our boxes), at worst, cockroaches will make our life unbearable. Why did this particular metaphor come to my mind? Fortunately, I haven’t met this “Terrible Beast” in person for a long time, but his virtual brothers ( negative thoughts and emotions) start up in my head from time to time. And to get rid of them, I chose Living in Mindfulness. The first step towards this is that I became an observer of my own life, conclusions and feelings that I experience (I know how to notice cockroaches). Secondly, I thank any experience for the benefits it brings (I understand the reason for the appearance of cockroaches). Third - I throw out of my head those thoughts and emotions that bother me (I get rid of unnecessary trash and cockroaches). Unlike us, our children live in a clean space. They exist in a state of complete openness, joy and anticipation of endless magic. There is nothing holding them back except us adults.
We make our own little copies of them, filling them with doubts, fears, and uncertainty. We habitually pass on our experience to them, just as we once received it. Leaving them as a legacy “the cockroaches of their and their parents’ past.” Guided by good intentions, we reveal to them the whole truth about the world. Without giving you the opportunity to know your own truths. They grow up and rebel against it. They fill their own shoes and gain their own experience. Time passes and the circle closes... They have their own Small child, whom you so want to protect, to protect from the dangers of an unpredictable world. “This is impossible! This is bad! But this is impossible!” - they say to their baby. And at this moment, a painfully familiar mother’s voice is heard in their head. This generational relay can be stopped. And it’s worth starting with yourself. Try watching: "How are adults different from children? And take from your little children those invaluable lessons of wisdom that, unlike us, they have not yet forgotten. Thanks to Arsen Ryabukha for reminding me of this once again (although the master class was devoted to a completely different topic). P.S. In 2009, ORT released the documentary “Context, or the art of being happy.” It is based on materials from the training of the Business Relations company (the president, who is also the presenter of the Context training, is Vladimir Gerasichev). The film literally “blew up the audience” and caused lively discussions. The materials for the second film, which consists of 8 episodes, have already been filmed. Not long ago I attended a private screening of the 1st episode - Forgiveness. Very powerful impression! I hope that our First Channel will soon start showing this film. ALL THE BEST! Maria Montessori also said that you should not look at children as little adults and raise them without taking into account the characteristics of their physical and mental development. Today, scientists have already proven that children see this world with completely different eyes. They perceive it differently in the literal sense of the word. Sometimes parents perceive this as disobedience or another oddity of the child, but in fact, this is just an increasing norm. We invite you to familiarize yourself with the features of the development of children's thinking and its differences from the adult view of the world. 8 amazing facts, which prove that children perceive the world very differently It has been scientifically proven that children think and perceive the world otherwise. They don't understand how everything works, but they certainly do a lot of things better than us. However, this does not last long. It is believed that by the age of 11, a child fully masters the ability to think like adults. How does a child's thinking differ from an adult's? And do children need to learn everything that adults can, or are some abilities given at birth? Fantasy or reality? It is difficult for children to distinguish fantasy from reality. They may be sincerely convinced that what they imagined actually happened. If you ask a child to describe some imaginary event, and then seriously ask about it some time later, the child will believe that he himself made it up. But there is a clear distinction. If the child himself composed his fantasy, he will not doubt it. But if he hears something implausible from another person, in half the cases he will not believe it, just like an adult. As the scientists who conducted the testing suggest, most likely children do not have a clear line between reality and their fantasies, because they do not yet understand what knowledge can be considered true and what cannot be considered true. This skill comes as children get older. Object Permanence If someone hid an object right in front of your eyes and then suddenly moved it to another place, you would easily be able to answer where it went. It is obvious. However, if you hide a child's toy, for example, under a napkin, handkerchief or blanket, allowing the child to see it, and then move the toy under another napkin, the child will not find it. It seems unrealistic, but this is exactly what happens to children up to about 10-12 months. Why? This effect was first noticed famous psychologist Jean Piaget. He showed that up to a certain age, children react as if an object that has disappeared from their field of vision ceases to exist altogether. According to Piaget, the concept of “object permanence” is not given to us from birth. We begin to understand that objects exist without our perception only as we grow up. And the 10-month-old baby still does not know that the disappeared object still exists. Languages It's no secret that learning a foreign language is much easier for a child. The older we get, the more effort we have to put in to even master colloquial speech. And, for example, children from bilingual families can simultaneously and successfully speak two languages, despite the lack of special training. Linguist Noam Chomsky put forward the idea of universal grammar and suggested that every language has general set syntactic rules built into our brains from birth. He suggested that there is some common tool that connects all languages, and children seem to clearly understand that almost all sentences are constructed according to the principle of subject-verb-object. The logic by which we construct sentences is dictated by the nature and biological characteristics of our brain. With age, the ability to master languages becomes much weaker. There are many points of view, when it is easiest to perceive foreign language. Some people believe that until the age of 18, and others that the ability weakens from the age of 9. The concept of reversibility If you pour water from a wide glass into a tall one, you will be sure that there is the same amount of water in the glass, because no one added it or poured it out. It is impossible to explain this to children under 7 years old; they will think that since the glass is taller, there is more water in it. They will not understand why the amount of liquid remains unchanged since the glass has changed shape. It is also believed that children cannot take into account height and width at the same time, but focus only on one value, ignoring the other. Persons Scientists believe that within a couple of hours after birth, a baby is able to distinguish its mother’s face from others. But in order to fully adapt to the perception human faces, the child does not have enough experience and time. He is able to perceive many subtle features and distinguish between emotions, but cannot distinguish faces of people of other races. Abstract thinking The thoughts of children under the age of 11 are based on concrete reality. Children cannot take action or think about imaginary problems, and are not very good at making abstract judgments. When psychologist Rudolf Schaffer asked nine-year-olds to think about where it would be cool to place a third eye on their body, everyone pointed to their forehead, although this answer was rather meaningless because the forehead already has two eyes. However, 11-year-old children were already able to think about abstract things and began to come up with other solutions, such as using their hands to see something around a corner or behind them. They don't draw what they see The drawing technique of children is worse than that of adults: motor skills are not fully developed, and children cannot yet firmly hold a pencil or brush in their hand. But something else is curious: psychologists conducted an experiment by placing a mug with a handle in front of children aged 5-9 years. The mug was placed so that the children could not see the handle. And the children were asked to draw exactly what they see. Children aged 5-7 years old drew a mug with a handle, although there was no visible handle, and older children drew the obvious. This is also the difference between children and adults. If an adult is asked to draw exactly what he sees, he will obviously not draw with his pen on a mug. And the children draw because they know that it should be there. Morals You most likely have your own ideas about morality. Do you understand how important it is to do good deeds or obey laws, and perhaps you understand that sometimes these rules can be broken. A child's moral judgments are simpler. For the little ones, they are based on how to avoid punishment. Later reasoning develops and the child begins to realize that The right way behavior is the one that is rewarded. And over time, these reasonings are formed, turning into moral arguments, like most adults. In one of the studies on this topic, children were asked a simple question: what is worse, breaking a lot of glasses, but accidentally, or breaking some, but on purpose. For an adult, it will be clear that the second act, when it is done with evil intentions, is much worse. But most of the young children answered that the one who broke more glasses did the worst thing because he caused more harm. For each person, childhood is its own little planet, from which begins a life-long journey into the unknown. On the way, strange metamorphoses occur to him, and, looking back, he ceases to recognize himself in the naive and spontaneous kid, as if there was no time when all the endless “why?” found intelligible answers, the world seemed simple, and the trees seemed large. How is a child so different from an adult that not everyone recognizes their own reflection in his features? Adults have accumulated years, and with them, experience and knowledge, some of which is absolutely useless and does not make a person happy. He is burdened with a lot of affairs, worries about loved ones, career growth, the desire to correspond to a certain status and works tirelessly, earning their daily bread by the sweat of their brow. The child receives it in the form of a sandwich for breakfast, washes it down with sweet tea and immediately goes off to build castles in the sandbox, launch boats through puddles and do other things that are no less important than those of adults. The most important of them are to grow and learn, acquire knowledge and accumulate experience. Children can do this without special effort. All of them are talented from birth and by the age of two they are already babbling in their own language and eating independently. semolina porridge and even tie their shoelaces. Adults can do this too. It happens that this is all they can do. But, as a rule, they master more complex skills, acquire a profession, hone their ability to think, analyze, express mature judgments, can persuade, organize and generally act, and bear full responsibility for this before their conscience and the law. For a child, such responsibility begins from the moment he comes of age. IN different countries has its own age limit, beyond which, as is commonly believed, begins adulthood. This means that a person becomes a full member of society, that is, he receives civil rights in full, and with them, responsibilities to the state, social environment, family. Adults can marry, dispose of their own property at their own discretion, carry out financial transactions, engage various types activities, participate in political life. Children do not have such rights because for them the period of personal development is just beginning, they are completely dependent on the care of their parents and are not physically ready to perform the functions of an adult. Perhaps the most important of these functions is raising a child, which implies the need to create a healthy moral atmosphere for him and develop skills social communication, teach to stick generally accepted norms behavior, as well as respect cultural traditions of his people. A child cannot independently comprehend these complex life wisdom, therefore he receives their first lessons in the form of fairy tales and parental instructions. If they do not boil down to K. Chukovsky’s good-natured exhortation “Don’t go for a walk, children, in Africa,” but are based on the example of the behavior of those closest to you, the result is sure to be positive. Children copy adults, imitating them in everything, right down to facial expressions and gestures. This feature helps the child learn not only the rules good manners, but also languages, music lessons, school subjects, and also achieve sports achievements in early age and resist harmful temptations during the transitional period of adolescence. An adult knows how to manage his emotions and keep his own mood under control. The child doesn't know how. Whims, pranks, hyperactivity are children’s “sins” for which they are punished by depriving them of pleasures or sweets. Meanwhile, children are supposed to be naughty, capricious, and have a sweet tooth. Their nervous system is actively developing, requiring a daily portion of glucose and sugars of at least 60 ml. Without sweets, a child is stunted, becomes distracted, depressed, or, conversely, overly excitable. Adults prefer strong rather than sweet drinks in order to relieve stress that their nervous system may not be able to withstand without appropriate release. Most adults forgive themselves easily bad habits and also easily forgets that children can copy them in this too. Conclusions website
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