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How to deal with falling in love psychology. New way of life

Falling in love is a terrible disease that can lead to disaster in a person’s life.

How do you like this thesis? Too categorical? Yes, I agree, it's too much. But - and this is important - the overkill is small. One might say - just a slight exaggeration.

Let's start with the term. What is falling in love? This is a special human condition, which is characterized by some stable phenomena.

Professor Dorothy Tennow, in the shaggy year of 1979, identified the following phenomena characteristic of falling in love:
- obsessive thoughts (about the object of love);
- an acute need for reciprocal feelings (and at the same time - fear of rejection);
- concentration on searching for confirmation of reciprocity, hope for such confirmation, wishful thinking.
- constantly in high spirits (“like on wings!”), if there is reciprocity;
- ignoring or neglecting everything that does not concern falling in love (work, study, friends);
- idealization of the object of love (“he is ideal!”).

And to the heap - disturbances in sleep and eating patterns, cardiopalmus, dilated pupils. In general, of course, it doesn’t reach full-blown psychosis, but it’s close, close.

By the way, the mentioned professor still considered that falling in love can be attributed to mental disorders and called this condition limerence. And her scientific followers are studying limerence in comparison with obsessive-compulsive disorders and the behavior of drug addicts. These scientists agree that limerence (falling in love) should not yet be included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual mental disorders“, but, I quote, “we want to move in the direction of diagnosis, prognosis and treatment.”

In general, it is already obvious that with falling in love, not everything is as rosy as it is usually described in works of fiction.

Here, of course, it is necessary to make a reservation that falling in love (limerence) contains some gradations and it is incorrect to say that, say, ignoring other concerns is equally expressed in all people at once. Of course not. The strength of limerence varies from person to person.

Is falling in love always bad? Of course no. When a man or woman is not in any relationship and falls in love, this is very good (especially if they perform their work duties more or less tolerably).

Moreover, there is an opinion that falling in love is necessary for people to create some foundation of common positive experiences, on which love would then develop. That's probably true.

However, what if limerence occurs, for example, in a married man? And he impersonates not into his wife, but into a completely stranger?

In this state, our hero will definitely do a lot of business. His obsessive desire for this woman, reinforced by ignoring everything that does not apply to this woman, will certainly lead to stupid actions - for example, leaving the family or divorce.

In his right mind, he would not have done anything like this, but here, like some kind of clouding, he messed up.

And then limerence will pass (and it does), and suddenly it turns out that new woman he doesn't like (what falling in love stronger, the stronger the rollback into hatred is usually), and to ex-wife you won't come back. Here is the disaster mentioned at the very beginning of the note.

That's why I say that falling in love is a terrible disease. And calling it this is only a slight exaggeration.

Now it would be appropriate to discuss the issue of treatment. Well, within the framework indicated above (that is, taking into account that limerence was not introduced into the “Manual”). So - how to get rid of falling in love?

There are two basic methods Treatments: behavioral and cognitive.

The behavioral one is very simple - stop any contact with the object of love (it is best, of course, at the very beginning, as soon as you feel the signs of limerence). Any contacts are just that, any, including social networks and SMS. The best option here is to go into the wilderness and sit there for three months. Then it will work.

The cognitive method is divided into two methods.

1. The decision “I will only be with my spouse.” You need to make a clear, meaningful decision and follow it. Then limerence will not fall on you.

However, there is one catch. This should be a fresh decision, one might say, a morning one. If this decision was made a hundred years ago, nothing will work. The “I will only be with…” decision needs to be constantly updated.

Then, thanks to the mechanism of cognitive dissonance, everyone except the partner will seem less attractive (see details in the note). And since everyone except the legal spouse is less attractive, then falling in love will not happen.

2. Presence of a cognitive barrier. This is both difficult and simple at the same time. This is simply why - it’s enough to know that falling in love is a disease, and it won’t stick. In fact, by reading this note, you have already contributed to the creation of this cognitive barrier.

Strictly speaking, if the entire machine of culture - songs, books, films, legends - worked to recognize falling in love as limerence, then there would be no problems. A cognitive barrier would be created and work perfectly.

And it’s difficult because now the entire cultural machine works to idealize falling in love. And, therefore, destroys the cognitive barrier. Therefore, if you create it, you have to build a complex system of defense against cultural pressure.

Well, at the end of the day, one more behavioral trick. To deal with limerence, start living together. Very soon it will evaporate and you will be cured.

If you want to know more about emotions, .

That's all I have, thanks for your attention.

Here are some more notes on a similar topic:

The entry was published by the author in the category ,.

How to get rid of being in love: 119 comments

Alyona
Pasha, how timely they sent me the link to this article, I’m literally crying.
Please clarify - “in comparison (with) obsessive-compulsive disorders” - two “s” are missing, I think so.
Repeat what you wrote like a mantra. Every morning, along with a cup of coffee. Well, use your brain, yes. Awareness is our everything.
And about culture, I’ve long been infuriated by all these “I can’t love” things that are glorified and filmed. She will die for him - but living for him (especially with him) is much more difficult! 🙂
Anna
That is, to summarize the above, a person in love is a person with a clouded consciousness. Essentially what he cares about is not the real person with whom he is in love, but a certain perfect image, which in this moment projected onto this particular person. A loving person is one who does not idealize his partner, knows his shortcomings, but at the same time this partner is still dear to him for some reason (if it is clear why it is EXACTLY not love?)
Anonymous
Or maybe, Pavel, you can write a note on how to become infected with this love?))) It seems to me that for family relations, where a husband and wife are mutually in love with each other - this is wonderful)))
scarecrowd
I will not give myself away, my caution is not in vain:
The more pleasant the beginning, the nastier and more terrible the ending...

(C) Olga Pulatova. "A man with thirty-three features." A very witty song about that same love.
sms
why when life together Is love fading and not strengthening?
bloom
I always suspected that I was a “hormonal addict.” I’ve been in a relationship for quite some time now, which generally suits me, but if I didn’t notice other men before, then now Lately It turned out that there are a lot of them around, and among them there are interesting, talented, etc. and damn, how sometimes you want to slip into this very love. keeping yourself on the edge and turning back always costs titanic forces..
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post author
  Awareness of the disease is the first step to recovery :)
2. Inna
  bloom, as I understand you! She's the same! And, for me. It's so boring without love! Well, of course, I don’t want to make a mess, but these heart-stopping moments... Such beauty!
Natalia
how good! it turns out I normal person and on the right track! sometimes I get carried away, but it weighs me down so much, I directly feel this irregularity, this emotional viscosity instead of lightness and transparency, I really feel sick. We even developed our own methods to get out of this state))).
Vladimir
Yeah, falling in love is an episode of hypomania. Well, or mania in general :)
Masha
The note is simply wonderful. I would also add that you can get the “ snow queen”, when the love is not mutual and the option of “living together” is not possible. You can exclude all contacts and experience withdrawal symptoms, but then you definitely cannot avoid the syndrome.
Valeria
Hello!)
And if such a condition, and all the mentioned symptoms have lasted for 2 years, is it time to go to the doctor (to be thoroughly treated;)?, to the cemetery (because the emotional intensity is difficult to bear) or is this already love?!;))):)))
It's a serious question, for real.
Alexei
Hello!
Thanks for the note, but...
I can’t stop contacts - we work together. I'm also the boss...
It has been in the described condition for a year now. That long time I calmly observe and quietly rejoice at the presence of the object, then I begin to look for “signs of confirmation.” And so from a sluggish (long-term state), I move into an active (short) one until I understand that I’m wrong with the signs or that this woman has suspicions about a potential partner...
I want a pill that will let me go in no time ((
Anastasia
Pavel, is it possible to somehow save my husband from falling in love? Naturally, he is not in love with me, but is going to marry the object of his love, for which he is now divorcing me and has almost stopped communicating with our child. And I would wish him happiness and let him go in peace, but he was so “out of his mind” that he began to commit outright meanness towards my son and me, and I’m afraid to even imagine how the court proceedings will end... It’s clear that our family no longer exists , but I want to leave peacefully and not constantly wait for knives in the back. How can you return a person to normal? Thank you
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post author
  Pavel, is it possible to somehow save my husband from falling in love?
  _Alas, only he himself can do this. Six months will pass and he will sober up.
  1. Anastasia
    Hmm, what if six months have already passed? Or do you mean six months from the beginning of your life together, and not from the beginning of falling in love?
    
    Another question, if you don’t mind... You write “the stronger the love, the stronger the rollback into hatred, usually,” and in what cases does this rollback occur? After all, love doesn’t always turn into hatred, does it? Probably, more often than not, it’s love?
    
    And also, does the appearance of love (for the husband) for an object on the side mean that there was no love (for the wife)? As I understand it, this means the absence of a nutritious and safe environment in the family, otherwise love would not have arisen (probably?), but as for love in the family, that means it didn’t exist either?
Elena
Oh thank you)))
Are there such limerents or something? them - for years suffer.
I will need your article for work,
thanks again.
Anastasia
“Anastasia, let’s be honest - what question do you really want to hear the answer to?” - I do not know. I've been in complete confusion and confusion in my head for six months now. Probably as usual - “who is to blame and what to do”?)) Or “what happened, what will happen and how will the heart calm down?”)) But no one will answer these questions, I understand.
Asking “how could this have been prevented?” it's already late. Some time ago, the question “Can something be fixed?” was still relevant, but now such a thing has come out of the person that I already seriously doubt that my child and I ever meant anything to my husband.
Will a person be able to at least realize what he has done and just leave us alone? Otherwise, he decided to take revenge on us because my son and I “interfered with his happiness.” I think that's what worries me the most right now. The strongest feeling I feel now is fear for our future with the child, and all questions are related only to this. Forgive me, Pavel, for my flow of emotions, I’ve been reading you for a long time, but I decided to write for the first time.
Svetlana Kipiani
Just. Laconically. Clearly.
And most importantly, a very useful article.
Tatiana
Pavel, please tell me how to get rid of falling in love if you can’t avoid contact? We work together, we sit in the same office. Changing jobs is not an option.
She’s already made a mess of things and left her husband.

Help me please)
Anyuta
Pavel!) And yet it’s interesting to know an alternative view. I may be upset, but I won’t be offended - I really respect your opinion.
Anyuta
Thanks for the answer, Pavel! No offense.))) I thought about it. What do you mean by “little things” that you need to be able to enjoy? And where can you read about ways to develop greater sensitivity in yourself?
Zhanna
And yet the state of being in love is wonderful!!! There is only a moment, but WHAT!!! This is the flight of the Soul!!! You can always stop, but NEVER forget this magical state!!!

Thank you, Pavel!!! Thank you!!!
Tatiana
Pavel, what if this love hits you over and over again?
The person is the same) We broke up a long time ago. Both he and I are married.
But as soon as we cross paths (on the Internet, congratulations on something, a personal meeting - this is only a couple of times in many, many years, despite the fact that I’m not specifically looking for communication, I deliberately distance myself) - that’s it, my roof goes away for a couple of months, guaranteed . The county is one-sided (well, I think so, otherwise it would still show itself somehow). I don’t even know whether, fortunately or unfortunately, it is one-sided...
And this despite the fact that at first I thought that everyone had broken up, there were no feelings, etc. Then I caught myself that I was able to throw away his letters only after being married for 6 years..., telling myself that that’s it, this is not necessary, we will not meet again, I am married, I have children, etc.
And then “classmates”... like a bolt from the blue, it hit me... the marriage was on the verge of collapse (note that we don’t have a relationship!). I survived, there was six months of withdrawal symptoms. And now every congratulation brings blood to the head, ringing in the ears, thoughts in flight. It's good that this doesn't happen often. Because he always kicks me out after them... I myself try not to always even congratulate - so as not to intrude (I understand, my cockroaches, a person can react normally, he doesn’t know about my torment). For several years now. Is it my wild imagination? Or is the relationship simply unfinished?
Because now I have another call... But then it seems to me that he saw through me, suspected something was wrong (because there were 2 personal meetings within a month - one by chance, the second on his initiative, after many years of not meeting, plus some time correspondence in network), now (it seems to me) deliberately avoids communication. And how bad I feel... I understand that all this is not necessary, he is married, we will not have a relationship. It throws me off balance too.
But now on my part everything is complicated by the fact that I am in the process of divorce, so there can be no decision to stay with my husband.
It's the love itself that worries me. Which has been catching up and catching up with me again for so many years, despite the fact that before there was a decision to live with my husband and a cognitive barrier.
What am I doing wrong?
Natalia
Pavel, you are too categorical, as always. Composer
Dunaevsky married 7 times and each time he was happy with a new muse, he left each wife an apartment, without suppressing his feelings and without mocking his psyche.
Several businessmen I know have divorced and remarried, and each family has children.
Categoricalism is a rather harmful mental category - it can deprive many people of happiness
Alexei
Those. Should a marriage be arranged only by convenience? love marriage failed?
Alyona
Paul! Let me confess my love to you!))))) (not love)))
No matter what article I read, I’m absolutely delighted!
Lover
I understand that falling in love is like a drug, if it doesn’t turn into love and doesn’t stop. Yes? I have several questions at once: I
1) I heard from one psychologist that when a person often falls in love, this indicates a lack of serotonin in his body, which he makes up for with these feelings of euphoria during falling in love. that is, if this is so, then by replenishing serotonin from other sources, you can avoid falling in love?
2) I didn’t understand about the cognitive barrier. Just realize that falling in love is like a disease and will definitely pass?
3) regarding the “solution”: what if you are not married, but you love a person who left. what is the solution here?
4) perhaps I misunderstood something, but the described methods of getting rid of falling in love are essentially suppression. But if you suppress something, won’t it turn out the other way around—even worse?

Thank you for your answers.
Sveta
Paul, Good evening) Interesting article, thank you! It seems that from the point of view of logic and reason everything is correct and can be a consolation in similar situations. Emotions run high and the brain can’t cope. Behavior changes. But then, from the point of view of the Soul, as far as I understand, are you an expert in this particular area? Why did nature invent love in people?))
Tatiana
Having been married for 15 years, I fell in love. She lived another 3 years of marriage while already in love with another man. The husband knew. Divorced from her husband, separated from her lover. I don’t consider divorce, falling in love, or breaking up with a lover to be a mistake. This is my life, and it is beautiful either with love or with parting. Falling in love is wonderful, just like admiring a beautiful landscape, a wonderful person, or being indignant, indignant at injustice, sometimes feeling sad. Living on one emotional note is boring.
Alexandra
Hello Pavel!
Thank you very much for the useful and interesting articles!
I have this situation.
My husband fell in love at work (the feelings are mutual). But the girl did not want to develop a relationship with him because she found out that he was married.
My husband did not hide anything from me and did not wait.
He immediately told me everything and went to live in a rented apartment.
A couple of weeks later he began to live with his “beloved” together.
As soon as they had sex, he immediately demanded an immediate divorce from me, because the “beloved” was bothered by the stamp in the passport.
He says he is not going to return.
The husband admitted that he already dreams of having children together with her.)
He and I have a daughter whom he loves very much.
He says that I haven’t beckoned him for a long time, but everything about her beckons. And that we are different people.
!!!All these wonderful events are developing indecently quickly: fell in love, moved away, divorced. About a month passed from start to finish. Now it’s been two months since he lives with us.

Although, before all the events, he said that he didn’t need anyone, and our family was the most precious thing in his life.
My husband is 39. From the outside, it seems to me that he is having an age-related crisis, and soon he will come to his senses and return with repentance.
If this doesn’t happen, it means I never knew my husband and, in general, I don’t understand anything in life.
Dear Pavel, what is your forecast?
Thank you!
1. Alexandra
  I'll add.
  My husband and I have been together for 17 years.
  I read your article “how long does an affair last?” =)
  The thing is that he did not develop this romance on the side, but IMMEDIATELY left home.
  Throughout his life, he was always in a hurry in everything.
2. Pavel Zygmantovich Post author
  Good afternoon, Alexandra.
  
  Forgive me for my directness - I understand that this is not what you want to hear, but what can you do... I don’t know how events will develop. And no one knows. Maybe he will stop loving her just as quickly and return. Maybe not. You are trying to find an answer that does not and cannot exist. This is futile and harmful.
Anna
Thank you very much for your note, Pavel! This is the number of times I return to it, the description of falling in love is like that in general - I recognize myself in every word 🙂 Only here’s the problem, I have a chronic illness that I can’t cure in any way. Work in men's team, and in general, my specialty is male, and I constantly fall in love with my colleagues. I changed jobs, departments, projects, all the same, there is always someone for whom feelings flare up again, consistently 1-2 times a year. This has been going on for 8-9 years, of which I have been married for almost 5))) And I already know and understand everything, no flirting or attempts to achieve reciprocity, the decision to be with my husband has been made and is not discussed. And every time I try not to fall in love. But it's still like Groundhog Day. And I’m almost used to it, but all these experiences are very tiring, and it also has a bad effect on work when you constantly have to switch your thoughts from “oh, how cool he is” to work issues through an effort of will) Doctor, can this be cured? What am I doing wrong? Please advise me something, Pavel!
Tatiana
Hello, Pavel.
Due to the fact that I have fallen in love more than once, and I know what it is, having fallen in love this time, having been in a marriage for more than five years, which I consider happy, with a man who is almost 10 years younger than me, naturally I didn’t even I admit thoughts about some kind of extramarital relationship.
Nevertheless, I regularly see this man, and in public, and I am very angry that I involuntarily lower my eyes and become embarrassed, like a schoolgirl, when meeting his gaze. I am sure that the man simply feels goodwill towards me, however, his feelings do not play any role in this situation at all. The stories of Anna Karenina and Emma Bovary always made the most painful impression on me.
But I am worried that people are not fools, you never know, someone will guess about my feelings, gossip will begin, my name and my husband will be gargled. Whether there is a effective technique stop acting like an idiot if contact cannot be avoided?
Hello Pavel. If you realize that a person has shortcomings, that he is far from ideal. But you still think he’s cool and it’s nice to communicate with a person, you’re glad to see him, hear him, then this is no longer love?
Lera
Pasha, good afternoon, that is, for example, a situation where I communicate with a martyr (daily for 2 months), then we meet once for a short time, meet and live together for a while twice (both trips to Europe, we live in different countries, I fell in love for a while, in response to his confession I heard “I like you” and “I like you even more” after the second meeting-vacation with a longer stay together - is this normal? Or was the person not hooked - I’m not his person / turned out to be unable to feel more due to some other reasons?

Being a loving person, I have often encountered the fact that the object of passion does not always reciprocate, while you have already fallen head over heels in love. And sometimes it happens like this: the love is mutual and we lived together beautifully, but suddenly one decides to leave. So it turns out that we love, but we are not.

Some kind of painfully painful feeling remains in my soul. It torments and haunts, forcing you to either rush in with a prayer for a return to the former object of passion, or make plans for terrible revenge... All this is because of falling in love. How to recover from this scourge?

Prevention method.
Let's take a closer look at the feeling of love. It is essentially nothing more than a mental illness. Remember how you experienced your love - euphoria and depression, excitement and complete passivity, absent-mindedness and the feeling that you could move mountains. Literally everyone has a Romeo or Juliet. similar symptoms, but try to take them to a neurologist. He will immediately diagnose you with psychopathy and offer you treatment.

Unfortunately, most often they begin to treat love in an advanced stage, when the disease is difficult to treat. It’s much easier to take preventive measures. Don’t even allow the thought of love, fight all its manifestations, don’t read books or watch movies about love, immerse yourself in work. And then, subject to these preventive measures, the risk of infection with the “virus” of love will sharply decrease.

Method of logical comprehension.

Calmly and objectively evaluate all the pros and cons. What can love give you? Even if everything goes well, after a short period of euphoria, which is no better than ordinary intoxication, the feelings will inevitably fade, and then quarrels, conflicts and an inevitable breakup. Even if both you and your partner behave with dignity, and you can never be sure of this in advance, separation will still give you a lot of unpleasant emotions. To love is to lose. You also lose your freedom.

Love is voluntary, and therefore the highest and worst form of slavery; remember your dignity, do you really want to be a slave? Love will take a lot of your time, nerves, energy, money; you may lose friends, your job, and in return, in the end, you will only get memories, which are not always pleasant. Remember how much evil and crime has been committed because of love in all ages; think of all these people whose follies caused harm both to themselves and to those around them. Does this dangerous madness still seem attractive to you?

Lope de Vega method.
“If you are too greedy for women, look for flaws in charms,” taught the hero of one of the comedies of the Spanish playwright. Relate to the object former passion critically. Recall his or her shortcomings as often as possible. Does he have a small belly? - Great! Believe me, in a few years he would have become flabby and looked like a hog. She doesn't know how to cook? - And he won’t learn! Every time you entered the house, undercooked potatoes and burnt cutlets would await you.

Find flaws even in advantages. Is she an economical housewife? It's not true, she's just stingy! He good lover? This means he is “doing extra training” somewhere else! The more often you do this, the faster the veil of love will fall from your eyes.

Pasteur's method.
Pasteur, as you know, to prevent illness, proposed introducing a weakened infection into the body in order to stimulate the production of immunity. If you are so overwhelmed by romantic dreams and you are tired of crushing them, give them free rein. Find yourself a suitable object of passion and try to have an affair with him. As soon as you feel that you are starting to get attached to it, immediately drop it and immediately look for the next object.

After doing this three or four times, you will get required dose"medicines" and get rid of thoughts about former love. But remember, “everything is poison and everything is medicine - the only difference is the dose,” the main thing is not to overdo it, otherwise you will fall in love again. True, a shortage can cause new torment.

Deromanticization method.
As you know, people of a romantic mindset tend to fall in love. They idealize love, and therefore any obstacle in this matter is a source of incredible suffering for them. If you are this type of personality, then deromanticization will help you. It is enough to rid a person of the romantic idea of the world, and love passes on its own. To do this, first, read a few mediocre romance novels, however, they are all mediocre (this is especially recommended for men).

Talk to someone who doesn't approve of love in general. These people can be found anywhere, for example, there is a club in Moscow" Blue stocking", where women who do not recognize love gather. You can also search on the Internet. Recently, I managed to find a site of misogynists. Such simple support is often effective.

Next, if this still doesn’t help, go to work. For romantically minded people, the professions of a builder, nurse, seamstress, or loader will be an excellent remedy. Usually it is enough to stay in this environment for a month or a month and a half, as pink glasses are removed forever.

Extrapolation method.
Despite everything, you are overcome by romantic fantasies or it seems to you that you can still save or restore the relationship. Don't believe it, don't deceive yourself. You think: “Everything will be different for us.” Try to imagine it “differently” day after day, month after month. The novelty of the relationship has worn off; the main topics for conversation have been exhausted, all that remains is to discuss current affairs or the weather, which you can successfully do with your friends or girlfriends. More and more unpleasant traits are opening up in our partner (they are in each of us, there’s no getting away from it)...

Imagine this close communication, day after day, year after year, with the same person - and you will feel how great boredom takes over you, freeing you from falling in love. Think: what does this love lead to in the long term? Do you want to live together? Will it be possible to build a life with the object of love? Is there the necessary mutual understanding? If deification and idealization take place, will you be able to agree on anything? Are there common ideas about financial, business, and everyday priorities?... Do you see how many questions there are!? Will you be able to endure all these hardships? living together... Think about this more often, and the desire to fall in love will simply disappear.

The right way of life.
Remember that idleness is the source of almost all vices. If your mind is not occupied with anything, then it is not surprising that your head is filled with all sorts of nonsense; Nature, as we know, abhors a vacuum. If you are engaged in active intellectual activity that gives you pleasure, in general, if you have interesting thing(whether it's your main job or a hobby) - thoughts about your partner are unlikely to take over your mind.

Do not fall for the false propaganda of those who are subject to their weaknesses without being able to overcome them. These people are worthy best case scenario pity, and at worst - contempt, have flooded the world with maxims such as “you can’t order your heart”, “accept the inevitable, what can you do - fall in love” and so on. Such nonsense is reminiscent of the rantings of alcoholics and drug addicts who do not want to overcome their vice. Be above this, and you can be proud of yourself, and this is a much greater pleasure than the ephemeral “charms” of love.

Sigmund Freud's method.
The great Freud in his scientific works described such a mechanism of human consciousness as sublimation. It is the process by which energy originally directed toward sexual or aggressive goals is redirected toward other goals, often artistic, intellectual, or cultural. So you should, having fallen in love, direct all your thoughts to creativity. Do you like to draw? Draw! Play music? Better! Try to write something brilliant, for example an opera or, at worst, a cantata.

If you don’t know how to do either one, go and learn! It's never too late to learn to play some musical instrument, learn the basics of painting or learn a few modern dance movements, expressing your feelings and emotions in it.
By sublimating the energy of love, you will be able to create something beautiful and, most importantly, your crush will go away, and you will gain another talent, which, in turn, can become the basis of a new acquaintance.

Method B.V. Zeigarnik - finish love.
The famous Russian psychologist Bluma Volfovna Zeigarnik, in one of her studies, gave subjects 15-20 minor tasks, for example, making a house out of matches, assembling a mosaic, solving an equation, and the subject was not allowed to complete some of the tasks. Then, as if by chance, they asked him which of the tasks he remembered, and most often the subjects recalled precisely those actions that they were not allowed to complete.

Likewise, our love is not always complete. It seems to get stuck in the stream of our consciousness, interfering normal course our thoughts. We remember this person all the time, when we need it or not, we talk to him mentally, get angry with him and forgive him... Often these thoughts become so intrusive that they interfere with work, study, and sleep. How to get rid of them?

We must complete our love. Of course, it’s a good idea to go to a psychologist and talk to him. But not everyone has this opportunity, so you will need the help of an understanding friend or girlfriend. Describe to her or him the whole situation, from dating to separation. Don't talk about your feelings or emotions, try to make it like a formal report.

The second part involves the same story, but now from an emotional point of view, let your assistant ask you more often: “What did you feel at that moment?” The third stage involves you realizing what you feel now for this person, tell us about it. The fourth step is to talk to your ex-other half, but not real, but imaginary.

Imagine her sitting opposite you and tell her what you think about your relationship. Then move to her place, and, imagining yourself as the person with whom you broke up, answer for him. Then repeat step number four. Psychologists say it helps...

This entire article was a sublimation of my last unsuccessful feeling of love. Very soon the snow will melt and spring will come... and I will “get sick” again. But now I won’t be afraid to fall in love, because I have a cure for love.

Love is evil... Can you argue with that? You fall head over heels in love with a person, look at his photo with tears in your eyes, but the object of your passion will not necessarily reciprocate your feelings. One more point: mutual love for some incomprehensible (or understandable) reason, it ends, the life paths of the partners diverge, your loved one leaves, and you continue to love him. Yes - it’s offensive, yes - it’s terribly painful, yes - you want to forget about pride and throw yourself at the feet of the object of passion or, on the contrary, come up with the most terrible revenge. The reason for everything is love. It can be difficult to recover from this scourge, but it is possible.

Take preventive measures

Having examined the feeling of love in more detail, you will be amazed: this is the most real mental illness! Week-long depression is replaced by euphoria, complete passivity - by excitement, absent-mindedness - by endless ambitious plans. Naturally, when you fall in love, there is a reverse reaction (in the sense, from an active workaholic to an inert plankton with wet eyes). Describe the symptoms of falling in love to a psychiatrist, and he will delicately diagnose you with psychopathy. Most people begin to treat love in an advanced stage, but it is much easier to take preventive measures. Try not to allow thoughts about love and destroy all its manifestations in the bud. Replace films and books about love with work, work and more work. In a word, fall in love with your work, and then it will be difficult to become infected with the “virus” of love.

Start thinking logically

In a calm atmosphere, evaluate all the advantages and disadvantages of love, use logic. Let’s say everything goes well and you create a unit of society, that is, a family. Bouquet and candy period cannot last a lifetime; it will certainly be consumed by everyday quarrels and conflicts. Emotions and passions will slowly fade away or disappear altogether. The number of divorces in some countries often exceeds the number of marriages. Love is often associated with separation, loss, and emotional stress. Believe me, love is a voluntary slavery that takes away from you free time, money, nerves, strength. And how many examples does history give! Think about it, do you need “it”?

Lope de Vega banishes love

The hero of one of the comedies of this Spanish playwright taught to look for flaws in partners. Try to remember more often the disadvantages of the object of your former passion. Does he like creative chaos in his apartment? Yes, in a couple of years your home will begin to resemble a dirty and smelly barracks! Does she spend too little time in the kitchen? Be glad that you parted on time, otherwise you would have had to howl from hunger and lower your eyes in shame in front of your friends. In any plus there is always a minus. Careful? Boring pedant! A thrifty housewife who buys everything and anything only on sales? Miser of the first degree! An experienced lover? I wonder where he gained such experience! This is how, step by step, you will get rid of the rose-colored glasses of love.

Pasteur comes to the rescue

To prevent the disease, Pasteur introduced a weakened infection into the body - this helped stimulate the production of immunity. A similar method is applicable in the treatment of such an “infection” as falling in love. If you are tired of crushing romantic dreams within yourself, it is better to give them free rein. It is enough to find the object of passion and have an affair with him. You need to throw the object as soon as you feel more serious feelings. Attachment is not allowed here! To get the right “dose” of medicine and develop immunity against falling in love, three or four passionate affairs are enough. True, there are also disadvantages: it is difficult to calculate the correct “dosage”.

Long live deromanticization!

People of a romantic mindset are the ones who suffer the most from the “virus” of falling in love. Such people tend to idealize love, putting on rose-colored glasses for any reason or without reason. Are you also called an incorrigible romantic? This means it’s time to take the path of de-romanticization. For example, become an active member of a misogynist club or attend a meeting at the Bluestocking Club (where women who do not recognize love will teach you wisdom). Just talk to a person who hates romantic relationships. The Internet deserves special attention - a real treasure trove for healing romantic natures. And, of course, work. Spend a month or a month and a half among nurses, seamstresses, builders or loaders - and the love virus will be over!

Enable Extrapolation

You actively fight romantic fantasies, but they are stronger. They seem to be purulent and haunt you around the clock. Do not engage in self-deception, but rather resort to extrapolation. Visualize your relationship with your ex, day after day, month after month, year after year. The novelty of relationships is replaced by everyday routine, everything interesting topics the discussion is exhausted, all that remains is the weather, boredom and hated life. Ask yourself main question: “If we had stayed together, would we have been able to build a life?” It might have been years wasted. Think about this more often, and romantic fantasies will come to naught.

Right way of life

The source of many vices is idleness. Nature and emptiness are incompatible. When a person's mind is not occupied with intellectual activity, the head begins to suffer from romantic nonsense. Lawless Heart! How many times have you heard this snotty phrase around you? Only people who are unable to overcome their own weaknesses say this. Once you fall in love most interesting hobby or work, there will be no room left for romantic nonsense in your head.

Sigmund Freud's method

Sublimation is a mechanism of human consciousness in which aggressive or sexual energy is directed towards creative purposes, such as cultural ones. So, you have fallen in love and are suffering. Have you loved drawing since childhood? So, draw. Draw a lot, passionately, show your imagination! Are you partial to music? Imagine yourself as a famous composer and write something brilliant! Those who do not consider themselves a creative person can go to study - draw, play music, speak foreign language, dance flamenco. Invest your feelings and emotions into the matter, and the result will not be long in coming.

Method B.V. Zeigarnik – finish love

Bluma Zeigarnik (a famous psychologist during the Soviet era) conducted interesting studies: the subject received several simple tasks, like solving an equation, but he was not allowed to finish some of the tasks. When a person was asked about the most memorable tasks, he named the unfinished ones. It's the same with love. Until a romantic relationship is completed, the brain does not let it go. That is, we often remember our ex-partner and see him in our fantasies, we hate or forgive him, but do not let him go. The brain became fixated on it. What to do? It's simple: try to complete your love, put a fat, fat dot in it. Certainly, perfect option– communication with a psychologist, but if this is not possible, turn to an understanding friend. To begin with, present your love story without emotions, imagine that you are defending your thesis. The next step is to have a friend ask you questions. This is followed by the stage of awareness and the stage of communication with an imaginary partner. This approach has helped many.

Despite all the charm of romantic feelings, many guys and girls, as well as men and women, are interested in how to get rid of falling in love. There can be many reasons for this: lack of reciprocity, lack of time, emotional imbalance, and so on. Fortunately, psychologists know remedies that will help cope with this condition.

The difference between infatuation and love

Not everyone is able to determine the line between a passing hobby and serious feeling. Moreover, even scientists and psychologists who were seriously engaged in research this issue, could not come to a common conclusion. However, a number of characteristics can be identified to determine the difference between infatuation and love.

Love	Love
You are attracted by good looks.	Besides physical characteristics, you also value a person’s moral qualities.
It occurs quickly (sometimes this feeling is called love at first sight).	It emerges gradually as people get to know each other better.
Feelings are vivid, but episodic (they can flare up unexpectedly and instantly fade away).	Emotions are calmer, but have a permanent character.
A person in love does not notice anything except the object of his adoration.	True love does not make you forget about friends, loved ones and work.
Passes if people are separated by distance.	Parting tempers the feeling, making it even stronger.
Accompanied by violent quarrels out of nowhere.	Disagreements are constructive.
People in love are often selfish and care only about their own good.	Love implies the word "we".
A lot of demands are made on the object of adoration.	Unselfishness and desire to please your other half.

Do you need to get rid of being in love?

Before you figure out how to get rid of being in love, you need to understand whether it’s worth doing. Unfortunately this wonderful feeling not always suits the man for good. It is worth fighting it in the following cases:

if the object of your adoration does not reciprocate your feelings; if falling in love negatively affects your mental and physical state; if you are driven by pathological jealousy; if you experience manic attachment to a person; if romantic feeling interferes with your studies or career growth.

Unfortunately, not every girl or young man in love can cope with the problem on his own. Or rather, they will in every possible way deny its existence. It is friends and family who can notice deviations in time.

Treatment methods for falling in love

If you are looking for a cure for love, try taking the advice of psychologists. So, the most popular methods are:

Prevention will help you prevent an unwanted condition. If you think that now is not the time for love, try to fight all its manifestations: do not read novels, do not watch tearful TV series, do not listen to sad music, and most importantly, limit communication with the opposite sex. Logical comprehension implies that you need to look at the existing situation from the outside. Try to evaluate all the pros and cons of your condition. In accordance with the Lope de Vega method, it is recommended to critically evaluate the object of your adoration. It is quite possible that there will be much more negative qualities in him than positive ones. The extrapolation method will allow you to look into the future. Imagine how your relationship will develop in a week, month, year. If you don’t see positive aspects in the future, urgently get rid of your crush. To sort your thoughts into shelves, enter correct image life. You must have duties, responsibilities, hobbies. It is quite possible that there will no longer be room in your head for romantic fantasies. A frank conversation with a friend, relative or psychologist is the best cure for love. Having told your story in detail, you will most likely come to the conclusion that the feeling is to your detriment.

Sigmund Freud became famous for his bold theory that all human actions are driven solely by sexual instinct. However, it is precisely because of this position that many do not take his recommendations seriously. But it’s still worth listening to his advice on how to get rid of falling in love.

Freud paid Special attention such a feature of the psyche as sublimation. Falling in love gives a person energy. If this feeling for one reason or another is undesirable for you, try converting it to another form. Direct this energy, for example, into art, sports, education and other areas. It is quite possible that you will be able to achieve amazing results.

The best medicine is change

As you know, to cope with this or that state of mind, you need to change external circumstances. So, a girl in love can get rid of an obsessive feeling by resorting to the following measures:

a radical change in image (hairstyle, wardrobe, etc.); search for new hobbies (or you can return to hobbies that occupied you as a child); new interesting acquaintances(possibly with the prospect of a romantic relationship); change of scenery (if you are unable to travel, try to explore your city in search of new routes and places to walk); making changes in your everyday life (for example, you can rearrange the furniture or learn how to cook new dishes) .

You can’t do without the help of loved ones

If you are looking for ways to get rid of falling in love, enlist the support of family and friends. The fact is that it is very difficult to cope with heartfelt feelings alone. Sometimes the problem is so acute that only with the help of those around it becomes possible to solve it. That is why you should not be shy to ask for help.

Most the best option- this is a sincere conversation. With a friend, relative, work colleague - it doesn’t matter. The main thing is to openly talk about all your experiences. You will be surprised, but it will immediately become easier. In addition, it is quite possible that your interlocutor has previously been in a similar situation. It is possible that by the end of the conversation you will laugh together at a problem that seemed insoluble just a couple of hours ago.

Confession

How to get rid of obsessive love? Sometimes shock therapy is needed. If your lover is not yet aware of your feelings, then why not say them directly? Of course, this is not easy, but there will be certainty in your life. There are not many options for the development of events:

he (or she) will reject your feelings, which, of course, will be a great disappointment, but will help you free yourself; it may well turn out that the object of your affection, just like you, is in love, but is embarrassed to admit it (in this case, you will have a chance to line up strong relationships with prospects for further development).

conclusions

How to get rid of being in love? At first glance, this question may seem stupid and frivolous, because everyone goes through romantic experiences. However, it is worth considering individual psychological characteristics each individual. Sometimes falling in love not only interferes with study and work, but can also lead to serious psychological problems and even suicide attempts, which should never be allowed. That is why modern psychology pays such attention close attention this issue.

The ability to bring a state of inspiration and magic into a relationship is very useful and can bring a fresh wind into the calm. Everyday life, filling the sails of your love boat again.

THIS IS A WONDERFUL FEELING OF LOVE

Every person at one time or another in his life has experienced, is currently experiencing, or will experience this delightful state of falling in love. Falling in love changes, it makes you look at the world better, see everything in completely DIFFERENT colors.

Sometimes the feeling of falling in love can develop into an all-consuming PASSION, and even OBSESSION with the object of these feelings. The feeling of falling in love is more likely not just one sensation, but a whole COMPLEX OF FEELINGS that one person experiences in relation to another.

Psychologists believe that during this period, a PERSON’S CONSCIOUSNESS NARROWS, and the object of his strong feelings is distorted. All shortcomings of the object are erased from memory, all contradictions are forgotten, but any POSITIVE experience finds a response in the heart and is stored in memory for a long time.

The feeling of falling in love absorbs a person completely, and also covers the object COMPLETELY. The admirer LIKES not only the body or the mind, but completely everything: how he or she turns his head, how he speaks, how he smiles, how he throws his head back when he laughs, how the timbre of his voice sounds, how he treats other people, in general, literally everything.

The period of falling in love is bright and pure. Usually during this period the lover feels a huge range of feelings. He is proud that his object is so beautiful, he admires its beauty, he is touched by its grace, and so on and so forth. The period of falling in love can QUIE, and then the feeling can be reborn again with the same force, if not with more.

Falling in love is accompanied by an acute thirst to constantly be near your object. To begin with, you just WANT to SEE him MORE OFTEN, then catch his gaze, then FEEL his skin under your fingers and CATCH his touches. Over time, requests and desires only increase and can develop into a burning PASSION and PHYSICAL DESIRE.

Often falling in love is purely platonic in nature, that is, feelings at a distance. The object of such love may not even suspect that for someone he is the whole world. Such an UNRETURNED FEELING of love is accompanied by sadness or melancholy. However, this is a kind of bright QUIET SADNESS, described in famous poems, a lyrical longing for something that never happened.

When a person is in love, he feels so excited and energetic. He seems to GROW WINGS, and he soars above the whole world, looking down on those who are not in love and do not feel this exciting feeling.

The image of a beloved person is infallible, it is as if illuminated by a bright light, unusual and stands out clearly among others, HE IS UNUSUAL. It seems as if the lover has found himself in a fairy tale, and all his dreams come true.

These deepest feelings, in fact, are not aimed at real person, but to that IDEAL IMAGE that the lover created in his mind. It was he who endowed his subject with those qualities that, most likely, he never had. He GAVE him a kind of HALO that is difficult to get rid of.

During the period of these stormy feelings, a person reveals his best sides. He sees life as beautiful and wants others to see it the same way. He acutely senses all the beauty of the world around him: landscapes, paintings, songs. It seems that the whole world around him is singing some kind of love ballad.

This wonderful feeling of falling in love can end in three ways: either simply subside and forget, or find another object, or develop into LOVE. In any case, the development of events, it is the feeling of falling in love that will forever remain in memory as the MOST BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING FEELING IN THE WORLD, when you want to sing, dance and smile for no reason, and so that the whole world also smiles, sings and dances, as if responding to this magnificent feeling.

HOW TO GET RID OF LOVE THAT DESTROYS YOU.

A thousand times the man who sang about sudden love was right; but “when you’re not expecting it at all” is not so bad. Sometimes it happens that falling in love arises with a boss, with the spouse of a close friend, or with a co-worker!

No matter how euphoria and the feeling of wings behind one’s back accompany falling in love, in the cases described above, it is still not welcome: by all signs it is clear that, apart from unhappiness and grief, destruction of personality, jealousy and resentment, such a feeling is unlikely to bring anything good. And we have to fight this somehow!

So how to get rid of falling in love if it is completely inappropriate? This is possible, within the capabilities of almost any person, but for success you will have to make a lot of effort and constant control over yourself, over your actions and thoughts.

This process is indeed quite difficult and painful for the psyche, but one must firmly understand that it will be much more harmful and difficult if one leaves one’s feelings as they are, and even gives them free rein.

And the last “happy thought” sooner or later comes to the mind of any person in love if he does not try to get rid of his obsession and loses control of himself. As a result, EVERYONE SUFFERS: the lover himself, the object of his feelings, and everyone around him, initiated into the “secret,” as well as watching her from the side.

Psychologists know how to overcome falling in love. This is a difficult task, but it is rewarding. The main thing is to perceive your state of love not as happiness given from above, but as inappropriate and inappropriate, but still a training of your human qualities, strength of character and endurance.

So, the first stage is the recognition of your love as inappropriate, painful, hopeless DEPENDENCE, which in the future will only be a burden and will not bring joy and which is best to get rid of. Having defined your feeling in such categories, it will be much easier to set an internal task to eradicate it from your life.

The second action is to identify those LIFE OBJECTS that one way or another provoke thoughts about an inappropriate loved one - and carefully avoid such objects.

Of course, the most difficult thing to do is if your loved one is your DIRECT BOSS or COLLEAGUE. But by clearly setting a goal, you can achieve it - let this thought give strength and strengthen the mind when it gives weakness.

An excellent, well-proven way is to throw yourself headlong into work or scientific (creative) activity. To put it simply scientific language, sublimate your feeling (that is, using this energy, direct it in a more productive direction), set yourself deliberately HIGH creative-scientific (or professional) TASKS and complete them in the SHORTEST TIME possible.

The PRINCIPLE OF SUBSTITUTION applies here, displacing thoughts about one thing from the head with other thoughts. In fact, when the intellect is working at full capacity to solve some complex but feasible task, it is very difficult for the mind to soar in the clouds, looking at the world through PINK GLASSES. If possible, it would be nice to ask to go on a business trip.

Getting rid of feelings is a long process and will require several months of continuous self-control.
Necessary place the object of love in the deliberate area of ignoring and act on the principle of “by contradiction”: you want to LOOK WITHOUT BREAKING UP - which means you don’t have to look in that direction at all; I want to SAY nice things, sweet words- you will have to remain silent, communicating strictly in doses, and exclusively on business topics. It's difficult, but everything will work out!

LOVE ADDICTION.

Without loved ones and warm relations with a person of the opposite sex, life becomes gray, monotonous and joyless. It’s paradoxical, but all the conflicts and troubles that fate throws at a person fill his existence with different colors. It is not without reason that psychologists say that WITHOUT CONFLICT THERE IS NO DEVELOPMENT. The point is how a person treats him.

After a breakup, a period of analysis of the situation inevitably begins: why this happened. Thinking usually occurs in one of two possible options: a person BLAMES HIMSELF for everything or BLAMES his partner for the breakup that occurred.

Cause analysis is always in to varying degrees leans in one direction or another, which prevents the possibility of finding the real reason and understand the essence of the situation that happened, the MEANING OF THE LESSON that life gives a person. And, as you know, if a LESSON IS NOT LEARNED, fate arranges for it to be REPEATED, but with a different partner and in a different life setting.

Any person is at a certain stage of his development, and as a condition for this process, he is GIVEN CERTAIN TASKS. For example, learning to FORGIVE and UNDERSTAND your LOVED PERSON is one of the most important.

Since all people are children to some extent, understanding this will help remove blame for the collapse of the relationship from yourself and your partner. This will be the first step towards overcoming love addiction, and the correct passage of a conflict situation.

It is important to understand here that the stage of absolute internal forgiveness can change the situation so much that the question of HOW TO FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH A PERSON QUICKLY simply will not arise. Relationships can change dramatically and feelings can flare up new strength, thereby moving to a higher level of development.

However, if this does not happen, and RESTORE THE COUPLE IS IMPOSSIBLE, this should be taken as a lesson and a sign that the attachment to this person was unreasonably strong. Thus, life teaches you not to get hung up on someone to the detriment of your own internal development.

It is known that many girls “cling on” to their chosen one so much, constantly seeking his attention and feelings of love in one way or another, that the latter increasingly has a desire to RUN far away from such importunity.

A woman should not forget that if a man in a relationship with her feels like an OBJECT OF PREY, he will certainly try to break off such a connection, because according to nature, he should be the breadwinner, the catcher. It is this excessive pressure on him that creates dissonance in the couple, and turns everything upside down: the man begins to feel WEAK and HELPFUL. This is contrary to his nature, so a conflict is brewing inside him with all that it entails. . .

If you cannot revive the relationship, you need to understand that love addiction cannot be overcome quickly. The process of getting rid of it is facilitated by SINCERE FORGIVENESS of both the partner and oneself. It is important to draw conclusions about what caused the situation. Often this is a substitution of roles in a couple, which was mentioned above. If during the process of reflection personal changes have occurred, then the MENTAL PAIN will certainly recede.

The feeling of complete and unconditional forgiveness of oneself has a very positive effect on both a person’s emotional state and his life in general. And its meaning is to change enough so as not to repeat the mistakes made in the past, otherwise the emergence of a similar situation is inevitable.

When considering the question of how to fall out of love, it is important not to descend to the point of starting to PUSH OUT that wonderful FEELING OF HATE towards your partner. Undoubtedly, renouncing it will provide temporary relief in heartache. But will life in the future present an even worse person, as a sign of the extent to which the lesson it taught has been learned?

Falling in love, like a hurricane, bursts into our lives through dense closed windows, leaving no chance for the former calm and measured existence.

Situations are different, for some, falling in love is like a breath of fresh sea air, Lifebuoy on the endless waters of boredom, dullness and hopelessness. But for some, falling in love becomes a real nightmare, destroying life, previous beliefs and moral principles.

Do you feel like you have completely lost sleep, lost your appetite and can’t do your usual activities normally? All your joys lie only in “his” eyes, a smile or a fleeting phrase? Are you ready to give everything for a few minutes of “his” attention? Even if you are married or in a committed relationship.

Even if he is twice your age or, on the contrary, fit to be a son. The feeling of falling in love in such situations does not lead to anything good, and, often, threatens unpleasant consequences: family destruction, sagging work, deteriorating health, loss of mental balance, and so on. If you feel that something similar happened to you, then it would be useful to find out how you can get rid of strong feeling falling in love.

Infatuation and love. What is the difference?

To begin with, you should understand that falling in love and the feeling of love are two concepts that, although they have similar features, are still fundamentally different from each other. Every person who experiences an all-consuming feeling of falling in love always has the same question in their head: “What if it’s her?”, “If this is true love?”

It is always scary to miss something especially important and valuable in your life; such questions greatly torment those who are already married and find themselves at a crossroads of two roads, not knowing which one is right.

On the one hand - a strong and familiar marriage, family and even, perhaps, children, and on the other - feelings, bright emotions, which were so lacking before and without which life takes on completely gray colors.

No one world scientist never managed to give precise definition these two feelings, but still there is a number general criteria, which allow us to distinguish between infatuation and love. Falling in love is a rich, bright and exciting feeling, which, alas and ah, has a short lifespan and ends as suddenly as it begins.

Love is something that often comes after falling in love, but not always, a stronger and more fundamental feeling, less intense and intoxicating, however, giving solid foundation for long-term joint and happy life. The fundamental difference between a person in love and a lover lies in his consciousness: the latter knows and accepts the shortcomings of his half, while a lover does not see the shortcomings at all.

When falling in love is an unnecessary obstacle

Oddly enough, but all those wonderful feelings and impulses that are attributed to falling in love are not always its faithful companions. During this period of life, all emotions become sharper, and sometimes so much so that they are reflected in all areas of life: a person’s behavior changes, his mental condition and sometimes even health.

Unfortunately, the feeling of inspiring happiness is not always the main companion of falling in love; it is often accompanied by suffering, progressive jealousy, a constant feeling of longing for the object of desire, and in the case of unrequited feelings, a feeling of one’s own inferiority.

At this stage, it is very important to stop, think about whether the fleeting smile of “this or that one” is worth your health and peace of mind, if not, then move on and look for solutions to the current situation.

According to experts, falling in love is a kind of disease, but the causative agent is not a virus, but fleeting impressions of something seen or heard. It can arise from a smile, a single action or look, and it becomes unimportant to the person what the object of desire actually is.

At this moment, the human body produces a certain hormone that participates in the biochemistry of our brain and provokes all those strange sensations. Everyone, without exception, is susceptible to this inexplicable feeling: girls and boys, men and women, regardless of age, status and race, but not everyone knows how to cope with it, which sometimes turns into a real disaster.

How to get rid of being in love?

There may be many reasons why you decided to get rid of an unnecessary feeling, perhaps it is irreciprocity or unequal relations, yes, anything, the main thing is to clearly understand how much you need it.

There are also many methods that explain what to do in such situations, but almost all of them are based on the radical eradication of everything connected with the object of desire. This includes deleting shared photographs, correspondence, letters, perhaps gifts and meaningful souvenirs - nothing should remind you of a difficult feeling.

Try not to overlap; if you are employees of the same office, you may have to say goodbye to your job or transfer to another group. It’s curious, but often all attempts to get rid of love end there: the person simply does not find how to fill the void created after diligent getting rid of it, and returns to square one.

In this case, the support of family and loved ones becomes important, as well as a change in your social circle - try to find yourself in a place where you have never looked before. It’s important to fill all that time that you’re used to sighing for your “love” with something new and exciting: let it be sports, yoga or couple dancing, who knows, maybe this is your calling.

A good option is to go on a long trip, if possible, stay in the place where you liked best, make it a point to learn something new every day.

So, you yourself will not notice how your life will be filled with new colors, and the place of old love will be filled with love for the world around you, new hobbies and, perhaps, real and strong feelings, which, this time, will already be appropriate. Open up new horizons!

Depending on the depth of the experience and the degree of vulnerability of the individual, a visit to to a good psychologist. If you don’t find one, then be sure to share your experiences with someone close to you, let it be the one you trust most. Sometimes speaking out and hearing a fresh perspective from the outside is much more effective than throwing away photos or gifts.

Every person has experienced or is experiencing the feeling of falling in love at least once in their life. This feeling is multifaceted, sometimes it develops into passion or obsession, into all-consuming love, or it may simply fade away. Falling in love is a whole complex of emotions that one person experiences in relation to another. At this moment, the object of desire appears to be a certain being devoid of shortcomings. But falling in love does not always bring happiness; in some cases, it is better to get rid of this feeling once and for all. A striking example is love for a boss, a colleague, or a married man.

First of all, you need to recognize the feeling of falling in love as unacceptable and unnecessary. Once you understand that you need to get rid of this addiction, you will have a clear goal.
Analyze how you can avoid unnecessary memories of your lover.
Plunge headlong into the work process. You can set deliberately high goals for yourself and try to achieve them. The more difficult the work, the more satisfying the result will be.

If the goal of how to get rid of the feeling of falling in love has been set, you need to move only in the right direction, without deviating from the set course. You can’t give yourself any slack, find excuses and excuses, or look for random meetings and dates. Overcoming the feeling of falling in love is a long and laborious process, requiring constant control and self-control.

When to get rid of love

Experienced love emotions do not always have a beneficial effect on a person’s life; sometimes they only cause harm. In what cases and how to stop this destructive process:

Relationships with a man give a feeling of inferiority;
During moments of quarrels, thoughts of suicide arise;
Instead of a good mood, the woman experiences sadness and melancholy;
Nervous breakdowns and depression often occur;
There is a disruption in the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract.

If you experience similar sensations during the period of falling in love, run away from such a relationship, and the sooner the better. You need to suppress your emotions, they will bring nothing but misfortune. In pursuit of a ghostly ideal, you can miss truly real feelings. You must not lose your mind - if the object of your adoration is prone to aggression and violence, you must urgently stop all communication.

How to survive a breakup with your loved one, how to cope with falling in love and continue to live? These and many other questions are most often asked by women at an appointment with a psychologist. There are several standard ways to solve the problem.

Take care of yourself

A well-groomed woman always attracts attention and is confident. Take care of yourself, and the result will not take long to arrive. Change of wardrobe new hairstyle and makeup, solarium, Gym– all these actions will allow you to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence.

New way of life

Make new friends, visit museums, exhibitions, go to the cinema and theater. The less free time you have, the less you will think about your lover. Perhaps the principle of substitution will work - and you will start a real relationship.

Change job

Office romances are not that uncommon, and there are only two ways to deal with the feeling of falling in love at work: quit or learn to cope with your emotions. If the first option does not suit you, then you need to wait until everything goes away on its own. Try to overlap less at work; the fewer meetings, the faster the feelings will fade away.

Getting over a breakup

The breakdown of a relationship is always a tragedy that is deeply experienced by both parties. Don't hold back your emotions, give free rein to your feelings. Break a couple of plates, cry, scream, after which noticeable relief will come. Suppressed emotions must find a way out, otherwise there may be depressive state, which is more difficult to get out of than it seems.

Make a list of pros and cons

Every person has shortcomings, and the object of your adoration is no exception. Take a closer look at a man from the outside: he, like everyone else, has advantages and disadvantages. At the moment we pay attention to negative qualities. Having made the list, think about whether this is your person? Is it possible to connect your life with him, to experience all the difficulties and hardships along the path of life? If there are plenty of items on your list, most likely it’s time to take off your rose-colored glasses and soberly assess the situation.

Out of sight

All gifts, photographs, cute trinkets, in a word, everything that prevents you from starting the fight against falling in love, needs to be put away. If your gaze does not constantly come across things associated with your loved one, emotions will become less intense, and soon they will go away altogether.

Live your life

If your feelings are not mutual, do not try to arrange “random” meetings with the object of your crush. Such actions are clearly visible to others and can only cause ridicule at you. Live your life, spend your free time not on sad thoughts, but on traveling, looking for new exciting activities. Positive and open people rarely wonder how to get rid of a love that has not found an answer.

Find support from friends or family

If you realize that you cannot cope with your feelings on your own, seek help. outside help. Close friend will be able to objectively look at your difficult situation and give advice on how to suppress your emotions.

"Fight fire with fire"

This statement is one hundred percent suitable for your problem - how to overcome the feeling of falling in love with an “unattainable” ideal. Start new novel, albeit short, but exciting. Even if the new relationship clearly has no future, a short-term affair will allow you to displace the object of your adoration from your thoughts.

Talk about your feelings

If you can’t shake the feeling that there is still a chance to develop a further relationship, just talk to your lover. As long as this “if” exists, you will not be able to feel calm. The main task of how to survive falling in love is to get rid of the hope for a successful relationship. Either he will reciprocate or he will reject, there is no third option. If it's difficult to decide straight Talk, write a letter.

It is not necessary to strictly follow these instructions; perhaps some points are not even needed. A person falls in love with lightning speed, but love also passes quickly, developing into a deeper feeling or disappearing forever. There are several ways to kill the feeling of falling in love, and if you set a goal for yourself, it will certainly be achieved.

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