What if we've tried everything? How to help a difficult child? How is the educational process organized in boarding schools? Bad behavior as an urgent need to be noticed.
Difficult children are a broad generalized concept used in scientific and mainly popular science literature, as well as in pedagogical journalism to designate a broad category of children who demonstrate obvious deviations in personal development. A child is classified into this category, as a rule, based on the external manifestations of his individual psychological characteristics, which serve as an obstacle to normal course educational process. The reasons underlying violations of a child’s character and behavior are very diverse.
Therefore, children who differ significantly in their individual characteristics. Assessing a child as difficult primarily reflects the opinion of parents and teachers about him, rather than his specific psychophysiological characteristics.
In modern literature, difficult children are usually called those whose behavior deviates sharply from generally accepted norms and interferes with full education. Therefore, the synonym “difficult to educate children” is also used, because they are the least inclined to follow pedagogical instructions and show extreme insensitivity to traditional pedagogical influences.
One of the main reasons causing difficulties in the educational process is mental illness and the so-called borderline states. A child suffering, for example, from psychopathy or early childhood autism, certainly stands out from the mass of normally developing peers, and his upbringing is significantly more difficult. However, classifying it as difficult is not entirely justified, because its deviations are subject primarily to medical correction. If a child’s behavior makes one suspect that he has neuropsychic abnormalities, consultations with a psychoneurologist, neurologist, or child psychiatrist are necessary, who will make a qualified diagnosis and prescribe appropriate treatment (in its absence, any measures of pedagogical correction may be ineffective). IN in some cases Individual training is recommended.
Some behavioral disorders may be caused by congenital or acquired psychophysiological abnormalities that are not related to mental illness. This is the so-called early childhood nervousness, a manifestation of the so-called fetal alcohol syndrome (arising as a result of alcohol intoxication at the prenatal stage of development). Mild psychophysical disorders also include minimal brain dysfunction that occurs as a result of the influence of various harmful factors on early stages development.
The most common consequence of this disorder is the so-called hyperkinetic syndrome, which, due to an imbalance in the processes of excitation and inhibition in the nervous system, manifests itself in excessive activity, impulsivity, and inability to voluntarily regulate behavior. Children suffering from such deviations need an individual approach to education, taking into account the characteristics of their psychophysical development. In most cases, it is possible to correct their behavior through a combination of individually selected measures of pedagogical influence and therapeutic and corrective measures.
In most cases medical examination difficult children states normal level their psychophysical development. It is obvious that deviations in their behavior are caused by external – social and pedagogical factors.
The most common reason for temporary deviations is insufficient consideration on the part of parents and teachers age characteristics child development. In domestic child psychology it has been established that individual development carried out in the form of alternating so-called stable and critical ages. Within the framework of the latter, the child transitions to a qualitatively new stage development, implementation of previously formed mental neoplasms. At the same time, adults do not always fairly assess the child’s increased abilities and needs and continue to implement established, but more inadequate measures of pedagogical influence. In such situation critical age turns into a truly crisis stage, fraught with disturbances in the child’s behavior. In this aspect, the crisis of three years is especially significant, when the child’s self-awareness is formed, which requires a different attitude towards him, as well as the crisis of adolescence, within which the child tends to overestimate his increased capabilities, and elders, on the contrary, continue to treat him as small. Numerous studies have shown that with an adequate approach to the developing personality, the critical age can proceed without conflict. Therefore, the definition " a difficult age» rather conditionally; taking into account age-related developmental characteristics allows one to avoid many difficulties that are characteristic not so much of a certain age stage as of the individual development situation.
In a number of cases, violations of the educational process are generated by chronically inadequate conditions of pedagogical influence on the child. An unfavorable moral and psychological climate in the family is often the basis on which deviations in personality development arise. Insufficient or, conversely, excessive demands towards the child give rise to his reluctance and inability to perceive pedagogical influences. A particularly negative role is played by the lack of unity of demands on the part of parents, in which the child finds himself in an “educational vacuum”, being unable and unwilling to satisfy contradictory or even mutually exclusive demands. Education based on moralizing and punishment usually does not lead to a long-term positive effect: having become accustomed to obeying only out of fear, the child easily commits any offense as soon as the fear weakens. Therefore, complaints from parents and teachers about children’s behavior should be considered comprehensively, taking into account all possible errors in education.
Family life can be of great help in this regard. psychological consultation and school psychological service, where the child’s behavior is analyzed in the context of the entire set of conditions for his development. Often certain measures of psychotherapeutic correction of intrafamily relationships help solve the problem of a difficult child.
School performance plays an important role in a child’s behavior and the formation of his personality. Arising as a result various reasons Chronic lag in learning can give rise to a student's aversion to educational activities and the desire to assert himself in other ways. Often, an underachieving student opposes himself to the class and the teacher, demonstrating defiant and inappropriate behavior.
Difficult child. What should I do?
How to raise an impulsive, excitable child, ready to cause a scandal over the most innocent occasion, and at the same time not feel like “the worst mother in the world” and not go crazy from each of your child’s next pranks?
Most often, everything starts as usual - a small, touchingly sniffling envelope, tied with a ribbon, ends up in its crib, and caring relatives line up for it. Strange things happen a little later. A baby, who is destined by nature to sleep peacefully twenty hours a day, instead cries day and night, demands attention and does not get out of his hands. Exhausted and frightened parents go to a neurologist, who says something about the consequences of hypoxia and hyperexcitability syndrome. Massotherapy and mild sedatives only slightly improve the situation. Those who are luckier forget about these problems along with the end of the infancy period, and stories about sleepless nights become family legends. But not all children compensate so well and outgrow their problems. Some of them remain very excitable, whiny and demanding even at an older age. And sometimes those children who seemed very calm in infancy begin to behave this way, screaming quietly and weakly, and are very tired during feeding.
“Borderline” children - one step to well-being
“As many times as they called my daughter - a manipulator and a pretender, a child with a terrible character and bad heredity, hyperactive, capricious, neurotic and even “obsessed.” Completely incomprehensible mood swings, total disobedience, continuous hysterics, refusals and protests - accompanied her entire preschool age. It only became easier after the first class. If I didn't have her older brother - flexible, reasonable and calm guy, I would feel like myself terrible mom in the world and a complete insignificance who does not know how to cope with own child“Olga’s mother, a twenty-year-old smart, beautiful and almost athlete, once admitted in a conversation.
Minimal cerebral dysfunction (MMD), prenatal encephalopathy (PEP), vegetative-vascular dystonia (VSD), and other strange abbreviations may or may not be written down on the child’s record. But regardless of this, it is already clear that communicating with a child can be very difficult, and he himself has a hard time with himself: something is bothering him, something is preventing him from developing normally, perceiving and reacting adequately to events and actions of others. In any case, this behavior is based on a malfunction nervous system, varying degrees - from the mildest to quite severe, manifested in impaired motor skills, delay speech development, behavioral problems, which are expressed in protest reactions, hysterics, violent and active reluctance to follow any rules. Such children indeed develop differently than their more neurologically advantaged (a newfangled word from the slang of foreign colleagues) peers.
Therefore, those parents who have the difficult lot of raising and educating a little mischief must always remember that the difficult character and “bad manners” of their child, most often, has a completely understandable neurophysiological basis. After all " bad character” or “explosive temperament” do not appear out of thin air. All this is a natural consequence of minor violations brain activity, the reasons for which, in addition to genetic predisposition in our environmentally unfavorable times there may be a million. And if it doesn’t occur to us to scold a child with poor eyesight because he cannot read a page of text written in small letters, then we should treat a child with behavioral disorders the same way.
And in this case, it is very important not so much to defeat or even “break” the child’s difficult character, but to help him adapt to both his own characteristics and the demands of society.
Road to nowhere
Any child grows and develops, and as this happens, his nervous system becomes stronger, the processes of excitation and inhibition become more balanced, and his behavior becomes more adequate and balanced. As a rule, this occurs between 7 and 12 years of age. However, it very often happens that by this age a child who has early childhood"heavy character" and behavioral problems comes with a psyche crippled by all possible home-grown pedagogical concepts, which most often come down to one thing - physical punishment.
“I spanked her so hard once that my arm hurt. I instantly stopped begging for sweets!” - the mother of a two-year-old girl proudly declares on the playground, distributing “educational” advice. And many, having heard enough stories about such “effective” methods, begin to urgently replenish their arsenal of educational tools. But not all children experience this without serious consequences. "How else?!" - the mother of a five-year-old boy, suffering from extensive tics and stuttering, declares, blinking his eyes in surprise. Taking a deep breath, the psychologist has to explain for the thousand and first time that by punishing him for “stupid antics” she only aggravates the problem, because the child’s nervous system can barely cope with the load, and there is also the factor of constant fear and additional stress.
And how many scandals and disagreements arise between spouses who cannot reconcile their positions regarding the upbringing of their child with difficult character! “You spoiled him, you sat on his head and dangled his legs!” Dad shouts and grabs his belt. “It’s because of you that he is like this, because he doesn’t see his father, either at work or fishing!” - the mother retorts. “We raised a juvenile criminal, the prison is crying for him!” - the grandmother declares authoritatively. And this whole ugly scene takes place to the accompaniment of the howl of the mischievous offspring.
Of course, the consequences of such upbringing are very deplorable - some children splash out their aggression on everything that moves, others seek understanding and consolation on the street, others quickly learn to manipulate adults and turn into domestic tyrants, others become pinched, begin to get sick and waste away.
Experts call all this secondary pathopsychological manifestations. They are the very “layers” that appeared not so much as a result of ordinary parental upbringing mistakes (this happens to everyone), but because of total disrespect and rejection of the child’s personality. The nervous system is already able to withstand the stress that modern child life, but psychologically he is already broken, depressed and incapable not only of productive study or work, but even of more or less constructive dialogue.
So, at the age of eight, Vitya is the son of highly intelligent and successful parents, in addition to his “native” diagnosis “delay mental development", was extremely neuroticized by the very high demands of his parents, who, despite the advice of specialists, sent their son to a prestigious gymnasium, the program of which he could not cope with. Enuresis and encopresis, increased anxiety, fears, nervous tics, writing cramp - all this was only the visible part of the iceberg of all the boy’s problems. Parental and school demands turned out to be an unbearable burden for his fragile nervous system. Vitya’s brain, instead of calmly “ripening” and compensating for the consequences premature birth, was forced to work with double load. What if an ambitious mother and father allowed the child to develop at his own pace, walk a lot, play freely fresh air, most of these problems could have been avoided. But, unfortunately, there are a lot of such children.
Calm, just calm!
However, among children with minimal brain dysfunction, there is a category of very excitable, and even aggressive children, prone to hysterics and negativism.
“He needs to destroy and break everything, no, to listen to a fairy tale, to draw pictures,” sighs the mother of such a bully. “Yesterday he was lying in a puddle, he didn’t want to leave the street, today I barely managed to get him away from the toy stall. He spat, bit, and screamed so loudly that people turned around and pointed. On the slide he pushed a girl and threw a bucket at the baby. I’m just afraid to go out with him.”
And although every such mother sincerely believes that her child is “the most terrible and ill-mannered”, such complaints are heard quite often. And if there is a “little monster” in the family, perhaps there is nothing else left to do but to calmly, patiently confidently and persistently teach what children are not usually taught - to explain over and over again that strangers say “you”, that when all children they are making appliqués in the garden, you need to do the same thing, you can’t open your mouth and forget about everything and follow the auntie with a huge St. Bernard on a leash.
And of course, you have to forget about leisurely conversations with other mothers about new models of diapers and the benefits of juices in jars, while their children play peacefully in the sandbox.
And in order to develop this calmness and confidence in themselves, parents will have to learn a lot - not to react to the comments of others about the child’s behavior, to forget about their parental ambitions and dreams of an all-performing, super flexible excellent student who easily wins international competitions in music, literature and judo. And refuse to go to see your strict grandmother, who forbids touching her things and believes that “decent children should speak in a whisper.” And come to terms with the fact that a three is a completely normal grade. After all, health is really more valuable.
In general, even the youngest mothers and fathers will have to become wiser and more mature if they have to raise a “difficult to raise” child. And if the child is hysterical and excitable, adults will have to become twice as calm - “for themselves and for that guy.”
And parents of a child with developmental disabilities should try to find out what in the child’s behavior is a manifestation of the disease, and what is negative behavior patterns that have already formed, the correction of which must be worked especially persistently. So, for example, absent-mindedness, which so irritates parents, may be a manifestation of attention deficit. And to scold, and even more so to punish a child who regularly forgets toys in kindergarten, is, at a minimum, unconstructive. At the same time, tearfulness and hysteria can be both a consequence of health problems and successfully selected “master keys” to the hearts of parents by a little manipulator . Therefore, awareness of what is happening to the child, what can be corrected, and what must simply be taken for granted, is very important.
What is the word "self"?
Another difficulty that parents of “borderline” children have to face is their lack of a clear desire to do something on their own. And while his peers, during the three-year crisis, are actively fighting caring mothers, grandmothers and nannies for their right to put on tights, fasten buttons and wield a spoon; children with developmental disabilities are not interested in all this. They prefer to live in a way that is comfortable for them - let their mother tie their shoelaces, and let their grandmother feed them porridge. Take your time and they will be potty trained. This happens because the formation of their social “I” occurs with a delay. And this, in turn, leads to the fact that such children have almost no need to overcome difficulties (to make sure that “I can”, as is often the case normally). Internal motivation for achievement is reduced, as is the desire to gain approval from adults. This makes raising such a child a truly challenging task.
The child seems to provoke adults with all his behavior total control. He is awkward and not independent and his parents have to do a lot for him. However, over time, this has very negative consequences. The child becomes more anxious (after all, he doesn’t know and can’t do much, without his mother this world seems hostile to him), suspicious (after all, constant tugging and remarks do not allow him to develop self-confidence), infantile (after all, every month the distance between what he can and he and his peers know how to grow). In addition, overprotection does not allow the child to practice the ability to plan his actions, in the voluntary regulation of his movements and emotional impulses, in self-control and attentiveness.
It turns out a vicious circle - on the one hand, the child does not have special wish develop precisely those qualities that are already lagging behind in development; on the other hand, parents, their excessive care and control, do not allow him to do this. And I must say, very stubbornly, they do not allow the child to grow up and develop, confusing care with overprotection. The motives for this behavior of parents are very simple - it is much more convenient to deal with a child who is completely dependent on an adult. Such a child is easier to manage. He needs the care of adults more, which allows them to feel a sense of their own importance and relevance. But the need of the mother, and sometimes the father, to maintain a symbiotic relationship with the child longer turns into a disaster for him. The gap between the desires, needs and capabilities of a growing person is increasing every month, and the skills, abilities and idle time life experience, which peers already have, are absent in such a child. Together with him, his inferiority complex grows, forms and strengthens.
Get out of the vicious circle
Therefore, parents are required to ensure the physical safety of the child, but force themselves to stop worrying about the cleanliness of the apartment and the safety of not the most valuable things. The child himself must actually feel the effects of his actions - that sweet tea spilled on the floor, if you do not wipe it up, sticks disgustingly, that a piece of bread forgotten on the table will very quickly become stale and tasteless, that a hat thrown somewhere unknown will have to be looked for for a long time before going for a walk. The only condition is that the child must eliminate the consequences of his inattention or carelessness himself. Therefore, before you rush in shouting “be careful, you’ll spill it!” To help a child clumsily trying to pour lemonade from a large bottle, you should think - maybe he needs these mistakes? If you spill it, you wipe it up, if you make a mess, you clean it up. About these simple rules It's quite possible to come to an agreement. However, very often parents do not attach importance to these things that are very simple in words, but very difficult in practice.
After all, normally small man must himself strive to break the umbilical cord connecting him with his mother. If this does not happen, parents need to calmly and unobtrusively encourage the child to perform independent actions. Put him in a situation where he will be forced to make independent decisions and do things for self-care.
So, for example, one mother six year old boy, who flatly refused to dress himself, had to invent situations when she was waiting for her son in the yard, and the boy had to get dressed, close the door and go down into the yard to go with her to the store “for a gift.”
In another situation, when an eight-year-old girl woke up early and woke up her mother to feed her breakfast, the girl’s father taught her how to make sandwiches and explained which shelf of the refrigerator would contain the food for her morning meals. And although the mother resisted at first (since she considered it her sacred maternal duty to “feed the baby”), after a few days this allowed the whole family to breathe a sigh of relief. The girl could take care of herself and not wake anyone up during her morning meals, for which she later received her share of attention from her grateful, sleepy parents.
And the arsenal of such parental tricks should be very large. What to do if you have to raise a non-standard child? standard methods may be useless here. But you can come up with new ingenious ones every day psychological techniques, for raising an intractable child.
However, first, of course, it is worth teaching simple algorithms of actions - before leaving the house, you need to check whether everything is turned off Appliances, take the keys on the shelf and lock the door. In order for this situation to be possible and the experiment to be a success, all these actions must first be broken down into smaller operations - teach the child to open and close the door with a key, choose clothes according to the weather, turn off household appliances.
If you don’t do all this, the child, of course, will also grow and develop. Given normal intelligence, which always acts as a very significant resource for development, many of these problems will disappear. However, the child will grow up with a feeling of inferiority and otherness (which, unfortunately, cannot always be overcome with persistent study) and will be less adapted to attending kindergarten, and then schools.
Restraining factor
Another very important step to harmonize not only the development of the child, but also relationships in the family - establishing boundaries (consisting of prohibitions and permissions) and agreed rules. Children need a sense of security, and children with developmental disabilities especially. It is not easy for them to cope with their own affects, so the world around them must be clear, stable and structured. And if today mom allows what she categorically forbade yesterday, and dad forbids what he allowed the day before yesterday, this world seems very unstable, and adults seem to be extremely unreliable creatures. And this causes the child to need to test these boundaries every time, for strength, and the desire to manipulate adults. Therefore, in the family there must be a set of never-before-broken rules that should be well known to the child. For the rules to work, there should not be much better than 5, but a maximum of 7-8.
Relative to all other big and small, global and local conflicts and conflicts can always be negotiated. And it is precisely this word “agree” that should form the basis of raising a child with difficult character. In his wonderful book “The Explosive Child,” American psychiatrist Ross Greene proposes an approach to raising children with behavior disorders called “shared decision making.” It lies in the fact that parents quite benevolently and calmly invite the child to find a compromise solution to get out of a difficult situation.
Along with the development of independence and the formation of responsibility for one’s actions, this approach makes life much easier for the parents of a difficult child.
Practical advice on raising difficult children.
Excessive Parents' attachment to the child, obsession with his upbringing, his moral character and health, alas, is punished. But is punished with educational purpose, in order to show parents that they think, act incorrectly, and take on too much.
For example, parents passionately dream about obedient child who won’t take a single step without them. But the result is something completely different. He will be extremely independent, advice will not be relevant for him, he will get along just fine without them . He is who he is, and he has the right to be so!
It is very important to seize the moment here that any conflict, dissatisfaction, quarrel, problem is a signal: something is wrong, something is done or thought incorrectly. There was a clue, something is given too much great importance. It is important to understand yourself. At the same time, put aside emotions and ambitions, otherwise it is difficult to soberly assess the problem.
And the solution to this problem lies on the surface: it is necessary to change the attitude towards the child, accept him as he is, let him be himself.
Praise and encourage the child for good behavior.
Respect the child's personality, help him development.
Set rules and consistently enforce them.
Expand your child's horizons.
Increase your child's self-esteem. Let him know how important he is to you.
Remind him that you love him, even if you are unhappy with his behavior.
Give your child hugs and kisses daily.
Notice and encourage the manifestation of your child's abilities. Tell him what a unique person he is.
Respect his opinion and right to choose.
Tell your child how glad you are that he is part of your family.
Put it on him responsibilities. Collaborate with him.
Let your child feel important. Let him be proud of his achievements.
Develop a sense of humor. Show your grandson that you can laugh at yourself. Laugh with him, but not at him.
Tell him that you really appreciate his uniqueness. Pay attention to your child's talents.
Don't dwell on mistakes. Better pay attention to what the child is doing right.
Be optimistic. Reassure your child that he can cope with difficulties or that you will help him cope with them.
If you decide to do this, then, no matter how difficult it is, you will have to change a lot in yourself: admit that the very thing or phenomenon that you idealize does not have absolute value and does not have global significance in this life. Therefore, everything that does not correspond to your ideals also has the right to exist and, moreover, deserves respect.
The model of work of a psychologist involves a variety of working methods, flexibility, and the identification of main priorities based on the age characteristics of clients.
Principles of work of psychologists with difficult teenagers:
- Diagnostic;
- Advisory;
- Prophylactic;
- Corrective and developmental with elements of therapeutic techniques.
Specifics of the work of child psychologists:
1. The child cannot detect and express his problems; usually one of the adults does this.
2. The child must be interested in getting rid of psychological problems.
3. The child often does not have sufficient reflection, which certainly complicates the work of the psychologist.
If the appeal occurred on the basis of the relationship between a parent and a child, then there are several ways to work:
- working directly with the child;
- working with the family as a single organism;
- increasing the socio-psychological competence of parents.
Establishing a therapeutic relationship with most adolescents is more difficult than with children younger age and an adult, including, especially if the teenager came to the psychologist not on his own initiative, but at the direction of an adult.
A teenager’s distrust of a psychologist is due to his lack of need psychological works. Unlike adults, he himself is satisfied with the protective patterns of behavior that he developed during the growing up stage. Often, in order to make changes, one has to deal with deep feelings that touch on a “sore” topic, which is why the teenager refuses further work with a psychologist. Therefore, an important factor in the work, which takes a long time, is establishing the teenager’s consent to cooperate with a psychologist.
An adult can openly state the reason for contacting a specialist without agreeing with the teenager. In some cases, it is worth not pursuing the truth in full, since the psychologist needs to know the child’s detached position from his parents. In case of persistent refusal on the part of the child, it makes sense to try to arrange several meetings with him to get acquainted, and after making a decision to continue working.
Methods of work of a psychologist with difficult-to-educate children include:
- Psychoanalytic psychotherapy;
- The principle of dialogic communication;
- Equal relationships, with the goal of jointly studying a clear situation and resolving it.
All of the above aspects are included in individual counseling with adolescents, starting at the age of 10-11 years. Most problems adolescence eliminated by increasing the child’s self-esteem and exploring the changes occurring in his spiritual world and in relationships with others.
The most difficult stage of a person’s growing up is undoubtedly adolescence. This period begins at the age of 9-10 and ends in adolescence. During this period of time, the child’s psyche is restructured, the character changes, and the teenager’s self-awareness and personality develops.
Signs taken into account when determining whether a child is difficult to educate:
1. The presence of initial moral and physical usefulness.
2. Deviations in moral development and behavior.
3. Constant sustainable resistance to education and training.
4. Bad influence from uncontrollable environmental factors, under the influence of which a teenager can easily fall.
Difficult to educate are children who are healthy mentally and physically, but at the same time difficult to educate due to the presence of deviations in moral development and behavior. The psychological well-being of a child depends on how timely problems are identified and the effectiveness of assistance.
A psychologist has his own sphere of competence, which includes those properties and phenomena that to some extent cause and determine the maladaptation of children, their deviations in mental and social development.
Identifying the strengths and weaknesses of the personality of difficult-to-educate people involves individual psychological research, the requirements of which are psychological and pedagogical correction, as well as the creation of a healthy psychological potential of the individual, which can be relied upon in the process of education, rebuilt, taking into account the orientations, interests and motivations of the child.
Difficulties in communication among adolescents with adults and peers often affect academic performance, behavior, and mental balance. As a rule, such violations go unnoticed or their cause is seen in something completely different. This is why teenagers need advice from a psychologist.
The diagnostic work of a psychologist with adolescents involves:
- Study cognitive sphere schoolchildren;
- Diagnosis of learning ability;
- Identifying anxiety in adolescents;
- Study of self-esteem and personality traits of a teenager;
- Assessment of will and motivation of adolescents;
- Research into the interests, abilities and inclinations of a teenager professionally.
Psychological counseling, which uses individual approach to the client/teenager. The goal is to resolve the teenager’s problems by overcoming psychological difficulties.
A teenager wants to find his place in the world, to know himself. Limiting a teenager's activities during this period can lead to leaving home and depression. Adults need to establish respectful, partnerships with the child, respect his freedom.
To carry out correctional and developmental, preventive work the general direction of the correction is determined. Currently in use great amount methods of influence: bibliotherapy, art therapy, music therapy, fairy tale therapy, role-playing games, communication games, body-oriented techniques, etc.
Correcting the behavior of a difficult person involves identifying problems in the system of relationships with adults and peers, as well as eliminating problems social situation, strengthening self-esteem and self-confidence, orientation towards changes in personal terms, as well as learning to control your destructive emotions/feelings and use them as a resource for solving difficult life situations.
Psychologist's work with troubled teenagers It should also be aimed at adults. Parents and significant adults for a teenager should also have a desire to change themselves and their attitude towards the difficult family situation that has developed between an adult and a teenager.
