Conflicts between parents and children. Workshop for parents "Positive ways to resolve conflict situations between parents and children

INTRODUCTION…………………………………………………………………………..3

1 CHILD-PARENT CONFLICTS AS A PSYCHOLOGICAL AND PEDAGOGICAL PROBLEM…………………………………………………...6
1.1 The essence and structure of the conflict ………………………………………...………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
1.2 Child-parent conflicts in the family …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
1.3 Causes of conflicts in parent-child relationships…………….......13
Conclusions……………………………………………………………………………...16
2 METHODS AND RECOMMENDATIONS FOR RESOLUTION OF CHILD-PARENT CONFLICTS……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
2.1 Methods for resolving parent-child conflicts……………………..17
2.3 Recommendations for resolving parent-child conflicts…………….23
Conclusions……………………………………………………………………………...25
CONCLUSION……………………………………………………………………….26
LIST OF USED SOURCES…………………………….27

INTRODUCTION

The relevance of the study lies in the fact that the family acts as an important factor in the development of the individual. The family is a social group of different ages: it has representatives of two, three, and sometimes four generations. And this means that different value orientations, different criteria for evaluating life phenomena, ideals, points of view, beliefs that influence the formation of family traditions are possible in the family.
The problem of parent-child conflicts and their influence on the development of the child's personality is one of the key problems in modern family psychology and psychotherapy. The family is the most important of the phenomena that accompanies a person throughout his life. The significance of its influence on the personality, its complexity, versatility and problematic nature determine a large number of different approaches to the study of the family, as well as definitions found in the scientific literature.
Conflict is such an interaction between people, which is characterized by the emergence and clash of contradictions in their relations. It is present only when there is mutual opposition of the parties participating in it, accompanied by the highest degree of expression of the intra- and interpersonal tension of their experiences. In other cases, either the resolution of the conflict situation occurs, or the conflict is avoided. It is also associated with the deterioration of relationships, the loss of mutual understanding and trust between people. Lowering the socio-psychological climate in the group (collective) and in society as a whole.
The conflict situation is characterized by the presence of a contradiction in the interests and needs of the parties, which, however, may not be recognized for a long time. It reflects the totality of the causes and conditions that precede the conflict and cause it. In the sphere of parent-child relations, the factor of relations between spouses raising children plays an important role. Often, conflicts between parents affect the well-being of children. The constant dissatisfaction of the spouses with each other, problems in the sphere of intimate relationships, affect their attitude towards the child, and the child, in turn, feels disharmony and his behavior becomes very conflicting.
Child-parent relationships are the environment that determines mental development child and determining the formation of his personality. The influence of parents on the child is largely associated with educational influences on him, and ideas about the child are the internal (indicative) basis of education. The role of the family in shaping the social situation of development unique for each child is well known. The style of family education, determined by parental value orientations, attitudes, emotional attitude to the child, the peculiarity of the perception of the child by the parent and the ways of behavior with him - is a significant factor in the development of the child's personality.
The family can act as both positive and negative factor education. positive impact on the personality of the child lies in the fact that no one, except for the people closest to him in the family - mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, treats the child better, does not love him and does not care so much about him. And at the same time, no other social institution can potentially do as much harm in raising children as a family can.
The favorable climate of the family is strongly influenced by intra-family communication. It is very specific. This determines, first of all, the multidimensionality of family relations (economic, ideological, psychological, sexual, moral and related), their naturalness, constancy, cordiality, deep intimacy, mutual interest, focus on ensuring all aspects of the life of family members; variety of family ties to environment; the nature of the impact on the family environment; the peculiarity of the perception of these influences by the family. Therefore, communication has a comprehensive impact on family life. Naturally, family members communicate most actively during leisure hours.
Favorable psychological climate family leads to the fact that jointly created spiritual values ​​become the most attractive for each of its members, while the prestige of material goods, although remains high, is relegated to the background. Of course, the everyday disorder of the family often, interacting with other unfavorable conditions, provokes the unfavorability of its psychological climate. However, many families with high everyday comfort, with an impoverished spiritual life, experience psychological discomfort.
The unfavorable psychological climate of the family leads to depression, quarrels, mental tension, and a lack of positive emotions. If family members do not strive to change this situation for the better, then the very existence of the family becomes problematic.
Authors dealing with the problem of parent-child conflicts (R.V. Bortov, Yu.B. Gippenreiter, I.A. Loginova, L.G. Matveeva, O.V. Perelomova, O.E. Smirnova, M.V. Bykova and others), play an important role early experience raising a child in a specific cultural environment, family traditions and the emotional background of the relationship of parents to the child.
Target term paper: to determine the features of parent-child conflicts and methods for their resolution.
Objectives of the course work:
1. To study parent-child conflicts as a psychological and pedagogical problem.
2. Determine the causes of conflicts in parent-child relationships.
3. Determine methods for resolving parent-child conflicts.
The object of the course work: parent-child conflicts.
Subject of the course work: features of parent-child conflicts and methods of their resolution.
Course work methods: analysis of literary sources, bibliographic method, analysis and generalization theoretical concepts on the research issue.
The structure and scope of the course work consists of an introduction, two chapters, a conclusion and a list of sources and applications used. The volume of the course work is 27 pages.

1 CHILD-PARENT CONFLICTS AS A PSYCHOLOGICAL AND PEDAGOGICAL PROBLEM

1.1 The essence and structure of the conflict

Conflict is a social phenomenon generated by the very nature of social life. It directly expresses certain aspects of social life, the place and role of a person in it.
Social ties inherent in society as a complex system and an integral entity are stable and reproduced in the historical process, passing from one generation of people to another. They are real, because they are carried out with joint activities in certain time and to achieve specific goals. These connections and relationships are established not at someone's whim, but objectively, under the influence of the conditions in which a person exists, performs actions, and creates.
Moreover, society is not a simple collection of individuals and their relationships. Representing an integral system with its characteristic qualitative state, it is primary in relation to individual. Each individual, being born, finds a formalized structure of previously established connections and, as he socializes, is included in it, assimilates the knowledge and values ​​\u200b\u200bthat have become accessible to people by that time, the determined norms of behavior.
It should also be taken into account that the most important thing for a person is belonging to a community of his own kind. Since ancient times, the circumstances of human life have developed in such a way that cooperation with other people was intended for him. At the same time, in the process of interaction between individuals and the complication of social ties at a certain stage of social development in mutual relations along with cooperation, rivalry, competition, psychological incompatibility, opposition of interests and choice of means to achieve goals began to appear. The aggravation of such contradictions, their escalation, ultimately led to active confrontation, conflicts.
It is legitimate to consider that interpersonal conflict is one of the ways of interaction between human beings that go back thousands of years. It seems to have spread before the intrapersonal conflict, since the relationship between individuals preceded the communication of the individual with himself, his auto-communication. The purpose of the conflict was and is to overcome excessively aggravated contradictions, to find the optimal way out of the confrontation that has arisen, to maintain the interaction of subjects of social relations in the face of a serious divergence of their interests, assessments, and goals.
It is not for nothing that the observance of the “golden rule” developed over many centuries, according to which a person in relations with other people must show loyalty, disposition, tolerance and goodwill, be fair, friendly, respectful and polite, i.e. build your communication with others on such a benevolent basis as mutual trust, reliability in words and deeds. Any relationship, both business and purely personal, is effective only with the compliance and restraint of the parties, honest partnership, mutual desire to resolve disagreements and conflicts, if they occur.
It should be, but it doesn't always happen in reality. IN real life any person, each human community is faced with difficult to resolve problems, different kind restrictions. A person in the process of interacting with other subjects shows his inherent attitude towards partners, which always leaves its mark on the nature of communication and social ties, can give rise to contradictions and tension, intransigence and hostility, and deform direct contacts. To this should be added deviant, so-called deviant behavior: drunkenness, drug addiction, offenses, extremism, etc. Deviant from the norm can be characterized not only by negative, on the verge of vicious behavior.
The conflict should be perceived as a completely normal social phenomenon, a property of social systems, a process and a way of human interaction. Like a person, society by its very nature cannot be absolutely perfect, ideal, conflict-free. Disharmony, contradictions, conflicts are constant and inevitable components of social development.
Conflict is a conscious phenomenon, a deliberate action. Consciousness in its individual and social forms is a collection of ideas and attitudes, feelings, habits and mores. It covers all the wealth of spiritual culture - that "second nature" that was created by people.
The presence of a conscious principle fundamentally distinguishes society from natural nature, the material world as a whole. Indeed, nature exists outside and independently of consciousness. Matter is primary, and consciousness is secondary, since matter precedes consciousness, which arises much later, being a property in a special way highly organized matter - the brain. Society, on the other hand, is something else; in it, one can speak about the secondary nature of consciousness only conditionally, since social being is created by people who already have consciousness. Therefore, everything in society, including conflicts, is not done with a strict, objectively determined predestination, but with people's awareness of their actions, the possibility of their subjective adjustment.
The conflict appears as an awareness at the level of an individual, a social group or a wider community of the inconsistency of the process of interaction and relationships, differences, and even incompatibility of interests, value assessments and goals, as a meaningful confrontation.
The next feature: conflict is a widespread, ubiquitous, ubiquitous phenomenon. Conflict situations arise in all spheres of public life - be it economics, politics, everyday life, culture or ideology. They are inevitable as an integral component of the development of society and the individual himself.
Conflict-freeness is an illusion, a utopia, and even less good. Conflicts, like any social contradictions, are a form of real social ties that just express the interaction of individuals, the relationship of social groups and communities in case of mismatch, incompatibility of their needs, motives and roles.
It is very significant that a conflict is an interaction that takes the form of confrontation, clash, confrontation of individuals or social forces, interests, views, positions of at least two sides. Counteraction of the parties is present not only in interpersonal and intergroup conflicts, but also in the process of a person's auto-communication, in his communication with himself, self-organization and self-programming.
And one more important feature, which is expressed in the fact that conflict is a predictable phenomenon subject to regulation. This can be explained by the very nature of the emergence of conflict clashes, the forms of interaction between the parties involved in them, and the interest in the outcome and consequences of the confrontation.
Firstly, conflict interaction is distinguished by the fact that the confrontation in it of representatives of diverging interests and goals serves as a link for them at the same time.
Secondly, any participant in a conflict confrontation, in one way or another, must argue his position, substantiate claims and mobilize forces to implement his demands.
The structure of the conflict includes the totality of all stable connections and all parts, elements and relations that develop between them, which act as factors of its integrity. The structure of the conflict includes the following main elements: subject, object, participants, social micro and macro environment, acting as a condition of the conflict, subjective perception of the conflict, its personal elements, as well as psychological components.
The subject of the conflict is the contradiction that is its basis. The struggle that is present in the conflict and is its important characteristic is aimed at resolving the contradiction. Until the resolution of the contradiction, there is a problem of conflict, which can be objective or imaginary, and it is this problem that underlies the conflict itself.
The object of conflict is something that arises from the need to satisfy a need and can satisfy it. The objects of conflict can be classified as material, spiritual, social values. These values, in order to become an object of conflict, must be in the field of intersection of personal, group, public or state interests of subjects whose goal is to seek control over them. The claims of one of the parties to a particular object are a condition for the emergence of a conflict.
Participants in a conflict are an integral and essential part of its structure; they are present in any social conflict. Participants can be various subjects of the social field: individual individuals, small and large social groups, organizations, states. The participants in the conflict are the opposing sides. The participants in the conflict determine its essence. So, depending on who are the participants in this conflict, an interpersonal conflict is distinguished, where the opposing parties are different parts, an aspect of the personality of one person; conflict between two individuals (colleagues, members of the same family, etc.); conflict "person - group", the conflict between two groups - both small and large.
Participants in the conflict can be private, official and legal persons. The entire set of participants in the conflict can be divided into main (main) and secondary (support group, other participants) according to the degree of their participation in the conflict interaction.
Thus, conflict is a normal manifestation of social ties and relations between people, a way of interaction in the event of a clash of incompatible views, positions and interests, a confrontation between two or more parties that are interconnected but pursue their own goals. Consequently, the main task is to give the conflict, as far as possible, a functionally positive character, to minimize the inevitable damage from its negative consequences.
1.2 Child-parent conflicts in the family

The family in its synchronous functioning is a system that is in some balance due to the established connections. However, this balance itself is mobile, living, changing and renewing. A change in the social situation, the development of a family or one of its members entails a change in the entire system of intra-family relations and creates conditions for the emergence of new opportunities for building relationships, sometimes diametrically opposed.
Successful life together requires special abilities from each of its participants. Any interaction in the family requires a minimum of some general ideas, a minimum of consent. In marriage, as in any other small social group, there is a fundamental new form behavior that can be called cooperative. This joint activity is diverse, so the person who is included in it must have certain abilities, skills, abilities.
Relationships between people in a family from all human relations are the deepest and most durable. They include four main types of relationships: psychophysiological, psychological, social and cultural. Psychophysiological - this is the relationship of biological kinship and sexual relations. Psychological ones include openness, trust, caring for each other, mutual moral and emotional support. Social relations contain the distribution of roles, material dependence in the family, as well as status relations: authority, leadership, subordination, etc. Cultural relations are a special kind of intra-family ties and relationships due to traditions, customs that have developed in a particular culture within which this family originated and exists. All this complex system of relationships has an impact on family education of children. Within each type of relationship, both agreement and disagreement can exist, which positively or negatively affect education.
Child-parent conflicts are one of the most common categories of conflict in modern times. This type of conflict is present even in prosperous families and is a contradiction in the relationship between children and parents.
Parents should be aware that in each age period, children are prone to certain conflicts. First of all, this applies to children who are brought up in an incomplete family or with normal relationships between parents. The despotism of the father, who ignores the interests of all family members, the lack of spiritual warmth or hostility of parents to each other create favorable conditions for the development of neuroses in children. Conflict can not only intensify, but also lead to the development of pathocharacterological reactions, neuroses, the formation of psychopathic development on the basis of accentuated traits, if parents underestimate the specific character of children.
Conflicts between parents and children can also be for reasons of mutual wrong. The pedagogical failure of parents, cruel, barbaric methods of education, or excessive spoiling of children can lead to complete mutual alienation, hostility between children and parents.
Often, the life aspirations of children can cause conflicts in the family, and the just upsets of parents cause one-sided hobbies of children to the detriment of learning, the appearance of harmful inclinations to smoking, drinking, and drugs. And although parents are right, neither their children are usually convinced that it is not their parents who are right, but they themselves know better how to live. It is important for parents to understand the motives of the aspirations of children, showing enough respect for their arguments and arguments, convincingly revealing their own arguments.
Conflicts between parents and children are especially common. adolescence. The fact is that in this “transitional period” significant physiological and psychological changes occur in the body. The most common psychological traits at this age are emotional instability, a combination of conflicting properties and aspirations.
Building relationships not on the basis of equality, independence and trust, but on the basis of mutual subordination turn into a conflict. Parents for too long and stubbornly continue to perceive a teenager as a creature incapable of independent decisions and dependent on them even in small things. As soon as that stops, the conflict recedes into the background, the relationship becomes closer and more trusting.
It is not so rare for parents to persistently try to raise their children, wanting to realize some of their expectations with their help, reasoning according to the principle: “Well, okay, I didn’t turn out to be a singer, but I’ll make my son a musician!” Often this is accompanied by a kind of sacrificial position of the parent: they say, I live for the sake of the child and will do everything for him that I think is necessary, no matter if he wants it or not. This usually leads to conflict, because the child feels very well that they do not see him as an independent person with his own goals and dreams, but try to force him to live someone else's life. Naturally, this causes protest from grown children.
Such a conflict is typical not only for those families where parents failed to realize their plans and dreams, but not infrequently for those where parents managed to achieve a lot, acquire a significant status in society. Such parents usually have high expectations for the child, expect that he will "catch up and overtake" them.
To achieve educational goals in the family, parents turn to a variety of means of influence: they encourage and punish the child, they strive to become a model for him. Praise of the parents with whom the child is in friendly relations, is usually more effective than that received from cold and indifferent parents. As a result of the reasonable use of incentives, the development of children as individuals can be accelerated, made more successful than with the use of prohibitions and punishments.
Family education is purposeful, conscious educational influences carried out by parents in order to form certain qualities and skills. Educational influences are carried out on the basis of a reinforcement mechanism - by encouraging behavior that adults consider correct, and punishing for violation of established rules, parents introduce a certain system of norms into the child's mind, the observance of which gradually becomes a habit and internal need for the child; identification mechanism - the child imitates parents, focuses on their example, tries to become the same. .
In addition to conscious, purposeful upbringing carried out by parents, the child is affected by the whole family atmosphere, family conditions: social status, occupation, material level, level of education, value orientations of family members. Therefore, any deformation parental family leads to conflict situations within the family.
Thus, in a conflict situation, the actual needs of family members may be blocked, which, in turn, may cause a symptom to appear in one of them - most often in a child. The latter becomes the carrier of a symptom that allows maintaining old, established relationships between family members.

1.3 Causes of conflicts in parent-child relationships

Family relationships are viewed through the prism of the child's perception of the world around him. child's behavior and personal characteristics determined not only real conditions family life, but also their perception, the degree of internal activity of the child.
Conflicts and various kinds of problems can be seen in every family. But, even despite all the difficulties, in some families, as a whole, it is supported peaceful life. But parents and children in other families constantly quarrel over trifles and not only. Child-parent relationships, on the one hand, act as regulators of the behavior of their participants, and on the other hand, mediate the development of the child's personality. These relationships are manifested in a system of various feelings, experiences, communication style of parents and children, behavioral stereotypes practiced in this communication.
Numerous studies of parent-child relationships (L.S. Vygotsky, L.I. Bozhovich, S. Hall, etc.) emphasize its critical, transitional nature, when former relationship child to himself, to others and to the world as a whole. These cardinal changes give rise to the inevitable conflicts of the developing personality, both with other people and with oneself.
Domestic psychologists (G.A. Shevchuk, A.S. Shevchuk, O.V. Nakonechnaya) identify three types of psychological determinants of conflict in parent-child relationships. These are determinants associated with the psychophysiological features of development (features nervous system); actually psychological determinants - personality traits (level of self-esteem, accentuation of character); social determinants - factors of micro- and macroenvironment.
The causes of conflicts between children and parents have age dynamics, reflecting the formation of the leading needs of each age: in younger children, conflicts related to learning (decrease in academic performance and a decrease in interest in learning) prevail, in older children, the most common cause of conflicts with parents is "a mismatch of views on life ”, unwillingness to accept the point of view of parents.
The real causes of the conflict are sometimes difficult to detect due to various psychological factors. First, in any conflict, the rational principle is usually hidden behind emotions. Secondly, real reasons conflicts can be reliably hidden and psychologically protected in the depths of the subconscious and appear on the surface only in the form of motivations acceptable to the self-concept. Thirdly, the causes of conflicts can be elusive due to the so-called law of circular relationship causality.
In a conflict, no doubt, there is a risk of destruction of relations, the danger of not overcoming the crisis, but there is also a favorable opportunity to reach a new level of relations, constructively overcome the crisis and gain new life opportunities.
O.E. Smirnova identifies several types family conflicts that parents may encounter in the process of raising children. And do not assume that the older your child becomes, the more often various quarrels may arise. In fact, conflicts with children begin at any age.
1. Type of intra-family relations. There are harmonious and disharmonious types of family relations. IN harmonious family a mobile balance is established, manifested in the formation of the psychological roles of each family member, the formation of the family "We", the ability of family members to resolve contradictions.
One of the approaches to the definition of a problem family is the work of the famous Russian psychologist A. Spivakovskaya. She identifies special types of so-called "disharmonious family unions", emphasizing that the difficulty of finding marital and parental harmony lies in the fact that each of the psychological patterns that determine marital and parental behavior, contains internal conflict and contradiction.
2. Destructiveness of family education. The following features of destructive types of education are distinguished:
disagreements of family members on issues of education;
inconsistency, inconsistency, inadequacy;
guardianship and prohibitions in many areas of children's lives;
increased demands on children, frequent use of threats, condemnations.
D.N. Isaev studied families that included a physically or mentally handicapped person (and this could be both a child and a parent). The author emphasizes that physical and mental inferiority can have an adverse effect both on the general well-being of the family and on the entire system of relationships as a whole.
3. Age crises of children are considered as factors of their increased conflict. The age crisis is transition period from one stage of childhood development to another. IN critical periods children become naughty, capricious, irritable. They often come into conflict with others, especially with their parents. They have a negative attitude towards previously fulfilled requirements, reaching stubbornness. D.V. Elkonin is distinguished by the following age crises children:
crisis of the first year (transition from infancy to early childhood);
crisis of "three years" (transition from early childhood to preschool age);
crisis 6-7 years (transition from preschool to primary school age);
puberty crisis (transition from primary school to adolescence - 12-14 years old);
teenage crisis 15-17 years.
4. Personal factor. Among the personal characteristics of parents that contribute to their conflicts with children, they distinguish a conservative way of thinking, adherence to outdated rules of behavior and bad habits (alcohol consumption, etc.), authoritarian judgments, orthodox beliefs, etc. Among the personal characteristics of children are such as low academic performance, violations of the rules of conduct, ignoring the recommendations of parents, as well as disobedience, stubbornness, selfishness and egocentrism, self-confidence, laziness, etc. Thus, the conflicts under consideration can be presented as the result of mistakes of parents and children.
Increased conflict in parent-child relationships is one of the aspects of the negative impact of family upbringing, the specificity of which is determined by the very nature of the family as a group of people who have blood relations with each other. family ties. At the same time, the priority role in resolving conflicts with the child is given to the parent.
Thus, conflicts between parents and children often arise due to the type of intra-family relations, the destructiveness of education, expressed in various mistakes. educational impact, the age crisis of the child, the personality factor, i.e. properties and qualities of the individual, both the child and the parent.

Thus, having studied parent-child conflicts as a psychological and pedagogical problem, we can draw the following conclusions:
1. Conflict is a normal manifestation of social ties and relations between people, a way of interaction in the event of a clash of incompatible views, positions and interests, a confrontation between two or more parties that are interconnected but pursue their own goals. Consequently, the main task is to give the conflict, if possible, a functionally positive character, to minimize the inevitable damage from its negative consequences.
2. In a conflict situation, the actual needs of family members may be blocked, which, in turn, may cause a symptom to appear in one of them - most often in a child. The latter becomes the carrier of a symptom that allows maintaining old, established relationships between family members.
3. Conflicts between parents and children often arise due to the type of intra-family relations, the destructiveness of education, expressed in various errors of educational influence, the age crisis of the child, the personality factor, i.e. properties and qualities of the individual, both the child and the parent.

2.1 Methods for resolving parent-child conflicts

Psychologists have developed many recommendations for normalizing parent-child relationships and preventing disputes from developing into conflicts.
The most important technique for optimizing relationships with a child is active listening. Actively listening to a child means “returning” to him in a conversation what he told you, while indicating his feelings. Listening to a child:
1) Turn around to face him. Make sure that your eyes and the eyes of the child are on the same level - this will provide a sense of trust, create optimal conditions for psychological contact.
2) Do not ask questions (especially if the child is upset), it is better to talk in the affirmative. This is important because a phrase constructed as a question does not express sympathy.
3) In a conversation, "keep a pause." After each remark, the parent needs to be silent for a while. Time now belongs to the child. The pause helps the child sort out his feelings and at the same time makes the child feel more fully that the parent is nearby.
4) Sometimes it is useful to repeat what you understand happened to the child, and then indicate his feeling.
Active listening conversation is unusual in our culture, but it can achieve the following results:
a) the negative experience of the child disappears or is greatly weakened;
b) the child is convinced that the adult is ready to listen to him, and begins to talk about himself even more;
c) true trust is established between the child and parents;
d) the child himself advances in solving his problem, which means that he becomes more independent, mature, adapted;
e) the child learns to actively listen to his loved ones;
f) parents begin to understand their child better.
Most optimal result conflict resolution - finding a compromise between the desires and needs of the parents and the desires and needs of the child. It is quite easy to achieve such a result.
V.V. Stolin offers a step-by-step model for resolving a conflict situation.
1) Clarification of the conflict situation. First, the parent listens to the child, clarifies what his problem is, namely: what he wants or does not want, what he needs or is important, what makes it difficult, etc. The parent talks about his desire or his problem, about how he sees the situation, what suits him in it, and what he does not like about the situation.
2) The way of proposals. The stage begins with the question: “How should we be?”. After that, you must definitely wait and give the child the opportunity to be the first to express their problems. At first, proposals are simply typed, without criticism and analysis. Then the parents offer their views on this matter.
3) Evaluation of proposals and selection of the most optimal one. At this stage, proposals are discussed. The previous steps have already helped to create an atmosphere of trust, cooperation, readiness for discussion. It is important not to destroy this atmosphere with unnecessarily harsh criticism or authoritarianism.
4) Detailing the decision made. It is necessary to determine how the solution will be implemented in real life.
5) Implementation of the decision, verification. The implementation of the decision is carried out by all family members. If a child has ever failed to fulfill his obligations, do not criticize and condemn him; it’s better to just ask how he is doing, whether it works out; then the child himself will tell about the failures and he will ask for your help. At the same time, parental authority does not suffer, because authority is not authoritarian pressure on the child and the unshakable primacy of the parent in all matters. Authority is a person whose influence on the actions of others is based on the recognition and respect of those around him for his opinions, his personal qualities, competence, justice, flexibility.
Thus, conflict resolution implies such an organization of the life of children and parents, which eliminates or minimizes the likelihood of conflicts between them. Conflict resolution activities can be carried out both by parents and children themselves, and by a third party (teacher, psychologist, conflictologist). Also an important condition for the prevention of conflict is the resolution of intrapersonal conflicts. Only a person who lives in harmony with himself can effectively solve interpersonal problems.

conclusions

Thus, having studied the methods and recommendations for resolving parent-child conflicts, we can draw the following conclusions:
1. The most favorable variant of the relationship between parents and children, when they experience a steady need for mutual communication, show frankness, mutual trust, equality in relationships, when parents are able to understand the world of the child, his age requirements. Less orders, commands, threats, reading morality, and more ability to listen and hear each other, the desire to find joint solutions, arguments, observations.
2. Conflict resolution implies such an organization of the life of children and parents, which eliminates or minimizes the likelihood of conflicts between them. Conflict resolution activities can be carried out both by parents and children themselves, and by a third party (teacher, psychologist, conflictologist). Also an important condition for the prevention of conflict is the resolution of intrapersonal conflicts.

CONCLUSION

Conflict is a normal manifestation of social ties and relations between people, a way of interaction in the event of a clash of incompatible views, positions and interests, a confrontation between two or more parties that are interconnected but pursue their own goals. Consequently, the main task is to give the conflict, if possible, a functionally positive character, to minimize the inevitable damage from its negative consequences.
In a conflict situation, a blockage of the actual needs of family members can occur, which, in turn, can cause a symptom to appear in one of them - most often in a child. The latter becomes the carrier of a symptom that allows maintaining old, established relationships between family members.
Conflicts between parents and children often arise due to the type of intra-family relations, the destructiveness of education, expressed in various errors of educational influence, the age crisis of the child, the personality factor, i.e. properties and qualities of the individual, both the child and the parent.
The most favorable variant of the relationship between parents and children is when they experience a steady need for mutual communication, show frankness, mutual trust, equality in relationships, when parents are able to understand the world of the child, his age requirements. Less orders, commands, threats, reading morality, and more ability to listen and hear each other, the desire to find joint solutions, arguments, observations.
Conflict resolution implies such an organization of the life of children and parents, which eliminates or minimizes the likelihood of conflicts between them. Conflict resolution activities can be carried out both by parents and children themselves, and by a third party (teacher, psychologist, conflictologist). Also an important condition for the prevention of conflict is the resolution of intrapersonal conflicts.

LIST OF USED SOURCES

1. Andreeva, T.V. Family psychology: textbook. Allowance / I.V. Grebennikov. - St. Petersburg: Speech, 2009. - 246 p.
2. Grebennikov, I.V. Educational climate of the family / I.V. Grebennikov.- M.: Knowledge, 2009.- 140 p.
3. Grebennikov IV Fundamentals of family life. - M .: Education, 2005. - 267 p.
4. Druzhinin, V.N. Psychology of the family / V.N. Druzhinin, ed. V.V. Makarov. - Yekaterinburg: Business book, 2006. - 280 p.
5. Zvereva, O.L. Family Pedagogy and Home Education: Proc. allowance for students. higher ped. studies, institutions / O.L. Zverev. - M.: Academy, 2009. - 160 p.
6. Karabanova, O.A. Psychology of family relations / O.A. Karabanova. - Samara, 2001. - 215 p.
7. Krupina, I.V. Fundamentals of family education // Pedagogy / Ed. P.I. piddly. - 2nd ed. - M., 2006. - 460 p.
8. Kovaleva, L.E. Microclimate in the family / L.V. Kovalev. - M., 2002. - 241 p.
9. Kraig, G. Psychology of development / G. Kraig. - St. Petersburg. : Peter, 2000. - 992 p.
10. Lesgaft, P.F. Family education of the child and its meaning / P.F. Lesgaft. M.: Pedagogy, 2006. - 280 p.
11. Obukhova, L.F. Family and child: Psychological aspect child development / L.F. Obukhov. - M., 2005. - 290 p.
12. Olifirovich, N.I. Psychology family crises/ N.I. Olifirovich. - St. Petersburg: Speech, 2010. - 360 p.
13. Osipova A.A. General psychocorrection. Tutorial/ A.A. Osipov. -M.: Sfera, 2012. - 510 p.
14. Psychology of age-related crises: a reader / Comp. K.V. Selchenok. - Mn.: Harvest, M.: AST, 2014. - 560 p.
15. Romek, V.G. Psychological assistance in conflict situations / V.G. Romek - St. Petersburg: Speech, 2008. - 256 p.
16. Stolin, V.V. family in psychological counseling/ V.V. Stolin. - M.: Knowledge, 2009. - 278 p.
17. Schneider L.B. Fundamentals of family psychology - M .: Publishing House of the Moscow Psychological and Social Institute; Voronezh: Publishing House of NPO "MODEK", 2005. - 356 p.
18. Eidemiller, E.G., Psychology and psychotherapy of the family / E.G. Eidimiller. - St. Petersburg: Publishing house "Piter", 2009. - 427 p.

This type of conflict is one of the most common Everyday life. However, to a certain extent, it is bypassed by the attention of specialists - psychologists and teachers. We do not consider the problem of generational conflict, which is much broader and actively developed by sociologists. Out of more than 700 psychological and pedagogical works on the problem of conflict, it is unlikely that there will be a dozen or two publications that would focus on the problem of conflicts between parents and children. It is usually studied in the context of larger studies; family relations (V. Schumann), age crises (I. Kon), the impact of marital conflicts on the development of children (A. Ushatikov, A. Spivakovskaya), etc. However, it is impossible to find a family where there would be no conflicts between parents and children. Even in prosperous families, in more than 30% of cases, there are conflicting relationships (from the point of view of a teenager) with both parents (I. Gorkovaya).

Why do conflicts arise between parents and children? Except common causes that produce conflict in the relationships of people, which are discussed above, highlight the psychological factors of conflicts in the interaction of parents and children.
1. Type of intra-family relations. There are harmonious and disharmonious types of family relations. In a harmonious family, a moving balance is established, which is manifested in the formation of the psychological roles of each family member, the formation of the family "We", the ability of family members to resolve contradictions.
Family disharmony is the negative nature of marital relations, expressed in the conflict interaction of spouses. The level of psychological stress in such a family tends to increase, leading to neurotic reactions of its members, the emergence of a feeling of constant anxiety in children.
2. Destructiveness of family education. The following features of destructive types of education are distinguished:
disagreements of family members on issues of education;
inconsistency, inconsistency, inadequacy;
guardianship and prohibitions in many areas of children's lives; f increased demands on children, frequent use of threats, condemnations.
3. Age crises of children are considered as factors of increased conflict. The age crisis is a transitional period from one stage of child development to another. During critical periods, children become naughty, capricious, irritable. They often come into conflict with others, especially with their parents. They have a negative attitude towards previously fulfilled requirements, reaching stubbornness. The following age crises of children are distinguished:
crisis of the first year (transition from infancy to early childhood);
crisis of "three years" (transition from early childhood to preschool age);
crisis 6-7 years (transition from preschool to primary school age);
puberty crisis (transition from primary school to adolescence - 12-14 years old);
teenage crisis 15-17 years old (D. Elkonin).
4. Personal factor. Among the personal characteristics of parents that contribute to their conflicts with children, they distinguish a conservative way of thinking, adherence to outdated rules of behavior and bad habits (alcohol consumption, etc.), authoritarian judgments, orthodoxy of beliefs, etc. Among the personal characteristics of children are such as low academic performance, violations of the rules of conduct, ignoring the recommendations of parents, as well as disobedience, stubbornness, selfishness and egocentrism, self-confidence, laziness, etc. Thus, the conflicts in question can be presented as the result of the mistakes of parents and children.

Allocate the following types relationship between parents and children:
the optimal type of relationship between parents and children; it cannot be called a need, but parents delve into the interests of children, and children share their thoughts with them;
parents are more likely to delve into the concerns of children than children share with them (mutual dissatisfaction arises);
rather, children feel a desire to share with parents than they delve into the concerns, interests and activities of children;
behavior, life aspirations of children cause conflicts in semes, and at the same time, parents are more likely to be right;
behavior, life aspirations of children cause conflicts in the family, and at the same time, children are more likely to be right;
parents do not delve into the interests of children, and children do not feel like sharing with them (contradictions were not noticed by parents and grew into conflicts, mutual alienation - S. Godnik).

Most often, conflicts among parents arise with adolescent children. Psychologists distinguish the following types of conflicts between adolescents and parents: conflict of instability parental relationship(constant change in the criteria for assessing the child); conflict of overcare (excessive guardianship and overexpectations); conflict of disrespect for the rights to independence (totality of instructions and control); conflict of paternal authority (the desire to achieve one's own in the conflict at any cost).

Usually, the child responds to the claims and conflicting actions of the parents with such reactions (strategies) as:
reaction of the opposition (demonstrative actions of a negative nature);
refusal reaction (disobedience to the requirements of parents);
isolation reaction (the desire to avoid unwanted contacts with parents, hiding information and actions).

Based on this, the main directions for preventing conflicts between parents and children can be the following:
1. Increase pedagogical culture parents, allowing to take into account the age-related psychological characteristics of children, their emotional states.
2. Family organization on a collective basis. Common perspectives, certain job responsibilities, traditions of mutual assistance, shared hobbies serve as the basis for identifying and resolving emerging contradictions.
3. Reinforcement of verbal requirements by the circumstances of the educational process.
4. Interest in the inner world of children, their worries and hobbies.

According to psychologists (D. Lashley, A. Royak, T. Yuferova, S. Yakobson), the following can contribute to the constructive behavior of parents in conflicts with young children:
always remember the individuality of the child;
take into account that each new situation requires a new solution;
try to understand the requirements of a small child;
remember that change takes time;
perceive contradictions as factors of normal development; show constancy in relation to the child; often offer a choice of several alternatives; approve different variants constructive behavior; jointly seek a way out by changing the situation; decrease the number of "not allowed" and increase the number of "possible"; apply punishments in a limited way, while respecting their justice and necessity;
to give the child the opportunity to feel the inevitability of the negative consequences of his misdeeds;
logically explain the possibility of negative consequences; expand the range of moral rather than material incentives; use a positive example of other children and parents; take into account the ease of switching attention in young children.

The conflict between parents and children again comes into our lives, already within the family, built by our own hands. How to break this vicious circle, firmly established in a whole series of generations? How to finally get rid of bad states and stop passing them on to your children?

The conflict of parents and children can deprive any family of peace and even destroy relationships for long years. A child who grew up in an atmosphere of constant conflict, becoming an adult, often moves away from his parents. Having finally received the long-awaited freedom, he does not seek to maintain relations with his parental family, perceiving it as the source of his many years of suffering. How to solve and even prevent the occurrence of conflicts and misunderstandings between generations is explained by the Systemic Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan. Through a deeper understanding of oneself and the reasons for the actions of loved ones.

How to run away from yourself

Alas, the attitudes laid down in childhood become a part of ourselves, our psyche. Therefore, we simply cannot “escape” from the problem by moving away from our parents. We continue to bear this damage within ourselves, in our own soul.

Today, probably, everyone has heard that "all problems come from childhood." Indeed, purchased by us in childhood psychological "traumas" and "anchors" in a sense prevent us from truly growing. Unleash and fully realize your potential abilities and talents. Build happy couple relationships and become successful parents yourself.

This creates a vicious circle. The conflict between parents and children again comes into our lives, already within the family, built by our own hands. How to break this vicious circle, firmly established in a whole series of generations? How, finally, to get rid of bad conditions and stop passing them on to your children?

Start with yourself

To disassemble the accumulated pile of mutual claims between representatives of different generations, you need to find some initial foothold. And the easiest way to find it is within yourself.

Why did such an act of my mother cause a certain reaction in me (resentment, anger, anger)? Why in own child Am I annoyed by certain traits or habits? The answers to any such questions lie in the structure of the human psyche.

Genetics - not "pseudo-science"? Who am I anyway?

Genetically, by inheritance, we can only get external signs from our parents: the color of the eyes or the shape of the nose. But the psyche of each person is arranged in its own way. It is based, as Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology explains, on eight vectors, or eight basic elements of the psyche.

Each of them gives a person a certain set of innate characteristics, properties and desires. Each person has their own set of vectors. And according to the properties of our psyche, we can radically differ from our parents, just like our children from us.

All conflicts between parents and children are based primarily on the lack of necessary psychological knowledge. We do not know ourselves and we do not know our own children. The systemic perception of the world and the people around us helps us get rid of this psychological blindness and, finally, see ourselves and others as we really are.

Parents and Children: Vector Conflicts

Here we have a slow, unhurried baby. Sbitenky and strong, slightly clubfoot. He is slowly fiddling, putting his toys in their places. Slowly dressed and going to the garden. To carefully complete his affairs, this kid, who, according to Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, needs more time than the rest.

On the threshold of impatience, his nimble mother is already jumping up and down. “How long are you going to keep messing around? How can? We'll be late again because of you! Well, you and I have a brake, can’t you get ready quickly? ”

Of course, without systemic knowledge, a skin mother cannot understand her baby. Her psyche is exactly the opposite: she is mobile and agile, fast and active. Appreciates time, does not tolerate delays.

Mistakes are costly

Alas, ignorance of the laws of the structure of the psyche does not at all free us from the negative consequences of erroneous upbringing.

For example, it is not at all by chance that an anal child is given such slowness and thoroughness by nature. This is the owner of an analytical mind, it is important for him that everything be carefully and “on the shelves”. He is committed to quality. If you give such a child enough time, he will grow into an excellent scientist, analyst, teacher, critic. And in school age he will certainly be the best student in the class, because to accumulate knowledge is his natural desire.

When an anal child is interrupted and rushed, his psyche is unable to develop adequately. The negative consequences in this case can be:

- stubbornness and negativism both in everyday matters and in educational

- constipation (as a result of the fact that mom pushes, "tears off the pot")

- the desire not for constructive criticism, but to humiliate and devalue the actions of other people

- Aggression and self-aggression, both physical and verbal

- stuttering (in case of constant interruption of the child's actions and speech when he is trying to talk about something)

- Digestive problems or heart rhythm disturbances.

Family is a complex system of different people

This is just one elementary example from the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, which clearly demonstrates the consequences of our psychological illiteracy. In fact, on a family scale, the situation is much more complicated.

It occurs not only parental conflict with baby. Relationships in a couple are also built on the basis of mutual misunderstanding. This leads to the fact that our children grow up in an atmosphere of quarrels and endless claims.

Brothers and sisters also rarely manage to learn how to build favorable relationships with each other: in this situation, conflicts between children are almost inevitable.

Manageable conflict: children and parents can understand each other

Thanks to the systemic perception of people, we become able to see each other as we are.

First of all, it gives us the opportunity to completely reconsider our own childhood psychotrauma, resentment against our parents, our claims to them. This is of tremendous importance.

The fact is that, as Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology explains, the custom of honoring father and mother arose in culture and various religions by no means by chance. From parents we accept life itself as such. And when in our hearts we reject our parents (perhaps they were unfair or even cruel to us), then unconsciously, along with this, we reject life itself. We deprive ourselves of the opportunity to live it joyfully and happily.

At the training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, we get an awareness of all the reasons why our parents manifested themselves in one way or another. This helps us free our hearts from claims and resentments against them.

This does not mean at all that you will take into your home an alcoholic father who abandoned you in early childhood and hasn't shown up in your life for decades. We have the right to protect ourselves from the real harm that other people bear, even if it is our parents.

But understanding the reasons for their actions, their motives, helps you free yourself from any negative consequences. The psyche throws off that unbearable burden that burdened you with a heavy burden for many years. And you become able to realize yourself as much as possible in life and receive joy and pleasure from it.

To be happy is to raise happy

On the other hand, we get the opportunity to finally see our own children with a clear eye. To understand in detail the peculiarities of their psyche, to get the optimal model of education. Our pair relationships also reach a completely different level of mutual understanding and intimacy. Inter-family conflicts between children are leveled.

Thanks to systemic perception, the family receives a complete recovery. This is evidenced by those who have undergone training.

Build happy relationship between generations through the acquisition of a systematic view of the world. Register for free online lectures on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

The resolution of parent-child conflicts is based, first of all, on anticipating and blocking the sources of conflicts. Usually, people already in a pre-conflict situation are able to understand that problems have arisen that can cause a complication of their relationship. In many cases, these issues can be resolved without waiting for conflict to arise.

When problems arise in the relationship between parents and children, parents, as a rule, see the reason in the changed behavior of children. And they expect, accordingly, that the child should change, take up his mind, begin to obey. Parental attempts to solve these problems, as a consequence, are also aimed at causing changes in the child's behavior. If the relationship with the parents begins to be perceived as a problem by the child himself, then he almost certainly sees the reasons exactly the opposite and expects the parents to change their behavior. However, none of them is right when they try to solve the problems that have arisen by changing the behavior of another participant in the conflict. This is a dead end path, leading only to aggravation of the conflict and aggravation of mutual grievances. You can really change the behavior of only one person - yourself. Attempts to influence other people most often lead only to alienation.

If there is a conflict between the child and the parents, then usually its severity begins to decrease from the moment when the parents recognize that the child has already grown up and begin to treat him as a person who is independently responsible for his actions. Most of the reasons for the conflict simply disappear.

A particularly important condition for the prevention of parent-child conflict is compliance with family education the following principles:

Humanity and mercy to the growing person;

Involvement of children in the life of the family as its equal participants;

Openness and trust in relationships with children;

Optimistic family relationships;

Consistency in your requirements (do not demand the impossible);

Providing all possible assistance to your child, willingness to answer questions.

To optimize relations A.A. Osipova offers methods for resolving parent-child conflicts such as:

1. Family ritual. The technique refers to the structural methods of psycho-correctional work in family relationships.

The purpose of structural methods is to reorganize the system so that its members can move from one position to another, from one role to another, to establish and maintain adequate boundaries between positions in the system and, thus, to encourage the system to reorganize itself.

Structural techniques are especially important and are used in the initial stages of corrective work. The main thing for a psychologist in this system is to join the system and at the same time not be absorbed by it. Working with the family as a system creates new system- psycho-corrective, which includes: structuring the process (rules of the game); empathy (agreement on how the new group will work - family + psychologist)

The psychologist lets clients know that he hears them, understands and appreciates them in themselves, that they are valuable and self-sufficient.

Structural techniques are used to solve the following problems:

Creating a movement. Clients feel that they are "stuck" in their actual actual situation and don't know how to get out of it. Structural moves immediately cause a change in the situation. This encourages the client to move on. The release of the child parent role can create space for the parent and encourage him to move towards greater competence, assuming a parental role.

Changing perspectives. Playing new roles, clients take a new position in the family system, begin to follow new rules. This encourages them to look at things from a different point of view and find new meanings for old facts.

Redistribution of power. By joining different subsystems, a psychologist can increase the importance of one relative for another, overcome inequalities, or break the deadlocks that confrontation has led to. Supporting parents in their role as family rule makers and supporting children in their need for respect and greater responsibility can serve as examples of such alliances.

Destruction of coalitions. Sometimes two or more people unite in order to oppose a third. For example, one parent and a child team up to oppose the other parent. In this case, it is necessary to do everything possible to destroy this alliance, to stop the child's interference in the affairs of the parents.

Formation of new alliances. Clients can be assisted in their efforts to bring together and joint activities. For example, parents are helped to reach an agreement about their parent position and putting it into practice.

Clarification of boundaries between subsystems. The psychologist helps clients find out who, how and in what function is included in this subsystem; who is responsible for what. Reducing the number of borders that are too hard to support joint action- this is an example of those issues that can serve as a subject of discussion.

One of the methods for implementing structural changes in the family system is the “family ritual” method. This is a technique designed to change the rules of the existing family game by changing the structure of the family and sustainable ways of interacting in it. This version of the technique was developed by the Milan School of Family Therapy.

2. A social ritual is a system of actions jointly developed by members of a group in which all types of behavior are defined in strict sequence. Rituals are the main source of group cohesion and intra-group bonds. They serve regulation functioning of the group, coordinating the behavior of each to achieve a common goal. Examples of cultural and family rituals include funerals and mourning ceremonies, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, graduations, and other events specific to the group.

Repetitive symptomatic patterns of interaction are present as ritual forms of behavior.

The family ritual technique is a kind of ritual created by a psychologist and prescribed to the family without any explanation, in the expectation that the required behavior will be carried out by family members by analogy. Particular attention is paid to the specific actions prescribed, including the time, sequence, details of the place, and who exactly and how should perform the required action.

It's hard enough to find the right one for family system a ritual that would dysfunctionally replace the existing one. Therefore, the psychologist needs to thoroughly understand the functioning of the family system, to identify all those myths of this dysfunctional family that are vital for its preservation. If the family's survival is threatened, rigid rituals are created to serve the myth to keep it alive. To identify the family myth and the meanings of symptomatic behavior, the psychologist is forced to examine several generations of the family. After that, you can begin to develop a family ritual that can change existing system to introduce new collective norms. If the family agrees to act in accordance with the prescribed ritual, it accepts new norms, thus changing the functioning of its family system.

The “family ritual” technique dramatically illuminates existing family patterns And family myths showing them to all family members. It paradoxically uses the rigid aspects of the family structure for positive change and promotes the emergence of new constructive patterns of behavior and behavioral norms as substitutes for dysfunctional patterns. The ritual functions at the level of metacommunications and analogy and therefore causes less resistance than the direct interpretation of the symptom. With the help of this technique, the psychologist, following the family (rather than opposing it), gradually changes the quality of family relationships.

The technique is especially effective in working with rigid families, in which family ties are intertwined and intricate, as well as with such families, one of whose members is a carrier mental pathology. Rituals can also be prescribed for families with insufficient levels of internal organization. In this case, the goal is to provide the family with a structure and common forms of verbal behavior, which contributes to intra-family cohesion. For example, setting a fixed time for a common family dinner during which one cannot talk about spicy family problems, criticize, complain, etc. At dinner, the family should discuss the events of the day, the dreams of family members, what they are thinking about or what they are currently reading. Another example is the requirement to make a list of family members' birthdays and prepare ahead of time for each such event. The development of new customs and traditions is especially important for newly created families and families with adopted children.

3. Use of poetry. The use of poetry is proposed as a tool that enables a married couple to express themselves in a unique and non-threatening way, to adequately realize the ability to verbally express emotions, to bring more positive aspects to interaction with each other, as well as to change and communicate effectively. There are several ways in which poetry can be used with the single couple, the marriage group, and the family. G The poem can be read by a psychologist or group member who then asks the group for feedback on the poem as a whole or on a line or image.

The group is asked to compose a poem together, with each having to compose one of its lines. The psychologist needs to identify a theme and evoke an emotional mood, making sure that that mood or theme is maintained throughout the poem.

Poetic images and symbols are taken and formed from the dialogues of the group members. Clients are encouraged to bring to the next session those poems that they find useful in solving their own problem. Poetry acts as an intermediary in the correctional process and helps to express those feelings that, for one reason or another, are scary, inconvenient, or uncomfortable for clients to express in other forms. Clients who are not inclined to express their thoughts in words may experience significant difficulties with this technique. Thus, this technique is not suitable for people with a low intellectual level of development or who have difficulty in verbalizing their feelings.

5. Marriage conference and family council. Methods are meetings held regularly with a married couple or family, within which equal opportunities are provided for the participation of all family members. This is a method designed to improve intra-family relationships and increase their intensity.

There are four reasons why a family council should be held:

1. To enable family members to freely communicate with each other.

2. To avoid strong emotional outbursts in family.

3. To teach family members (both children and adults) democratic methods of conflict resolution.

4. To maintain harmony and peace in the family.

The psychologist assigns clients a conference or council as homework, which can later become rituals for the family. Consultants couples and families use this technique to develop and enrich life experience family members as an effective psycho-corrective remedy.

If the psychologist comes to the conclusion that it is necessary to improve communication between spouses, then he invites them to consider the possibility of regular meetings between him and family members. At the same time, the time, place and frequency of meetings are specifically stipulated.

The time allotted for the conference, the spouses must fully devote to each other, excluding any extraneous interference. If this idea is accepted, the spouses choose a convenient time for both when they can communicate with each other and be in good physical and mental shape, and also agree to follow the rules, the list of which is handed out by the psychologist immediately at the meeting. These rules can be modified in order to adapt them to the specific problems and needs of a given family.

6. Parent Seminar. A.S. Spivakovskaya proposed this technique for solving the problems of changing the sphere of consciousness and self-awareness of parents and systems of social-perceptual stereotypes, as well as real forms of interaction in the family.

The main psycho-correctional task is to change the attitude of people to their own family life and the tasks of education. At the seminar, the spouses' perception of each other is improved, the idea of ​​their child is changing, the palette of pedagogical methods of influencing the child is expanding, which are already tested by parents at home, in everyday life.

During the workshop, parents discuss and reflect on their family relationships, exchange experience, independently in the course of group discussion develop ways to resolve family conflicts.

Thus, the most favorable variant of the relationship between parents and children is when they experience a steady need for mutual communication, show frankness, mutual trust, equality in relationships, when parents are able to understand the world of the child, his age requirements. Less orders, commands, threats, reading morality, and more ability to listen and hear each other, the desire to find joint solutions, arguments, observations.

Child-parent conflicts- one of the most common categories of conflict in modern times. This type of conflict is present even in prosperous families and is a contradiction in the relationship between children and parents.

Mostly reasons the emergence of conflicts between parents and children are personal and psychological factors present in the relationship between parents and children.

Intra-family relationships are divided into two main types:

- a harmonious type of relationship (the predominance of balanced relationships, a rational division of psychological roles within the family, the ability to resolve emerging contradictions);

- disharmonious type of relationship (negatively colored relations of spouses lead to conflict interaction between spouses, the latter can cause negative emotions and anxiety in children; respect for parents is lost, psychological roles are violated, tension increases).

The disharmonious type of intra-family relations leads to conflicts between parents and children and projects destructive parenting style .

Features of destructive parenting:

- excessive prohibitions for children in areas of life that are significant for them;

– use of threats in requirements to children;

- condemnation of the wrong actions of the child in return for encouragement and praise for achievements and successes;

- inconsistency and inconsistency of actions of parents;

- the difference in the views of parents in matters of education.

The causes of conflicts between parents and children may be inadequate reaction of parents to the age crises of children (crisis of 1 year, crisis of 6–7 years, crisis of puberty, etc.).

Age crises

- transitional periods of development of the child, cause increased irritability in the child. Aggressive behavior of children, a negative attitude towards previously acceptable requirements are the causes of conflict interaction. The task of parents and children is to smooth relations during this period, the mutual desire to compromise.

Types of conflicts between parents and children of adolescents:

1) the conflict of instability of the parental assessment of the child;

2) conflict when lowering the level of independence of the child, excessive control;

3) the conflict of overcare;

The conflict in the relationships and actions of parents causes a special reaction in children, expressed in different styles of child behavior:

– demonstration of a negative attitude, opposition on all issues;

- non-compliance with the requirements;

avoiding communication with parents, hiding information about yourself and your actions.

The concept and functions of social conflict

social conflict- this is a conflict of large social groups that arose on the basis of social contradiction. In the modern world, there is an aggravation and an increase in the number of social contradictions, which leads to an increase in conflict in society.

Definition of social conflict Babosova reflects the modern specifics of social contradictions: “ social conflict- an extreme case of exacerbation of social contradictions, expressed in the clash of social communities. The communities that the domestic conflictologist is talking about here are not only national and ethnic groups, states, classes of society, but also social institutions that exist in society on this stage development. Different goals pursued by institutions or social groups, as well as a mismatch of interests and values ​​supported by social communities, lead to social contradictions. Each social conflict is limited by its specific situation (causes, duration, scope, intensity), therefore, it requires the resolution of the problem in it. It is impossible to unite all social conflicts.

A significantly different definition of social conflict can be found in Zaprudsky : « social conflict- this is an explicit or hidden state of confrontation, objectively diverging interests, goals of social subjects. The causes of social conflict remain the same, the forms of conflict and the ways of demonstrating the interests of social communities are changing. At Zaprudsky interests are expressed by the social attitude of a particular community to the existing order in society, the distribution of social forces and the expression of general tendencies (social action). Social forces that participate in conflict do not always reflect the tendencies of their development in a conflict way or in a way of open struggle. Preservation of one's positions and interests can already lead to a new "social unity". Therefore, social conflict is also the formation of a new order in the system of social relations.

The functions of social conflict were studied in detail L. Koser, defining their specifics for a closed and open type of society.

Social conflicts can perform two main functions:

1) negative (destructive);

2) positive (constructive).

Social conflict theory has been influenced by some psychologists who have studied conflicts between large social groups (for example, D. Campbell and his theory of realistic group conflict, L. Berkowitz, D. Turner).