Joint VS separate vacation: pros and cons. On vacation without a wife or husband

When it comes time for the holidays, many people have a question: Is it possible to go on vacation without a wife or without a husband? What is the best way to relax: together or separately? And how can a separate or even joint vacation affect the relationship?

It must be said right away that the opinions of psychologists on this issue vary greatly:

Some psychologists argue that separate rest is a salvation for relationships, based on the concept: an anchor of memory, in other words, a habit. Thanks to her, the spouses, being distracted and adding variety to their lives, begin to miss home and their soulmate. Especially if they are surrounded by loving couples and happy spouses.

Other psychologists believe that separate holidays cannot bring spouses together. In any case, it negatively affects relationships and, most importantly, exposes them to the risk of betrayal.

Still others are sure that if spouses like to relax separately, it means that they have weak soul ties, they are not related to each other. And, if they are comfortable with separate rest, then so be it.
If the spouses are uncomfortable alone, and they do not want to spend time separately, then they cannot rest apart.

And, in general, saying: since there are different opinions and beliefs, which means they have the right to exist, especially since each opinion is supported by experience and psychological knowledge.
But, if psychologists are already arguing about this, then what can we say about loving couples who are forced to deal with this issue every year, struggling with feelings of fear, desire, resentment, love, and so on.

On vacation without a wife or husband

What should they do if the question is to spend a vacation together or separately?

To answer it, we must consider each situation separately.
Before giving advice or any advice on this issue, the specialist must know: what kind of spouses have inside family relationships how they interact, what rules they have in the family, who has what roles in the family, whether there is a conflict situation and much more.
Having learned all these questions, one can reliably say: which rest will benefit one or another spouse, and which will harm.

You can’t be mistaken here, because a large proportion of disagreements, quarrels and partings fall precisely on the vacation period. It was at this time that, most often, adultery and holiday romances happen, and as a result, separation and divorce.

The only thing we can say now, without knowing each situation separately, is the conditions under which it is absolutely impossible to relax separately, since such a vacation can destroy relationships.

When you can not go on vacation without a wife or husband

• If the spouses have discord in the family.
  If you often quarrel, you have a strained relationship, or any other problems in the family, then a separate vacation can be disastrous for you.
  There is an opinion that if the spouses are together all the time, their life is stuck, they often swear, when they are together, then they need to take a break from each other, then they will get bored and everything will work out.
  In fact, this is a delusion in 90% of cases.
  When spouses quarrel, the reason lies deep in the relationship, which means they need to be sorted out and eliminated. If you go on vacation, then the situation can only be resolved superficially and on short term and worsen as a result. Also during this period, the risk of betrayal and romance on the side increases.
• If one of the spouses is categorically against separate rest.
  If the husband or wife is against separate rest, then it makes no sense to convince them to argue or insist on separate rest. The fact is that if one of the spouses still goes on vacation separately, then in this way he will cross a certain line, start a conflict mechanism in the relationship. There will be a permanent internal conflict, which will entail the establishment of new rules and the distribution of new roles in relationships that will not benefit the family.
• If there is a small child.
  AT this case we are talking about the fact that for one reason or another it is impossible to go on vacation with a child.
  And my father is leaving. Very often the wife, being in maternity leave, stays at home alone with the child while the husband goes on vacation separately from his wife.
  A man who works and tries to provide everything necessary for his family has the right to rest, which he operates with. However, the birth of a child inevitably brings new responsibilities that a man takes on when he becomes a father.

These are the main and most common reasons why you can not go on vacation without a wife or husband. Other situations require careful study and detailed analysis, before you can understand: is it possible for the spouses to relax separately and what kind of vacation can help improve the relationship of the spouses.

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Spouses decided on a separate vacation ?! The first thing that immediately comes to mind is “everything is bad for them, and they will get divorced”, the second is “they are going to rest with their lovers, and there it’s not far from a divorce.” It is these associations that the phrase “separate vacation” causes in most people close and not very close to you.

Why is it so hard to believe in well-being family life when the husband and wife decided to spend at least a weekend apart? Why is our society so primitive in its judgments that it cannot understand the theory and practice of strengthening relationships by creating an imaginary separation? It is the separate rest that is the milestone that will help to understand how important a person is, who yesterday could be secretly hated for scattered socks and an unclosed toilet lid.

Cons of separate rest

However, it makes no sense to attribute such therapy to those couples who are no longer stable in their attachments. Separate rest in such cases may lead to reverse action and exacerbate existing problems in the relationship of the couple.

If there is no trust in the family, mutual respect for each other's personalities, then separate holidays will entail gross jealousy, quarrels and accusations of infidelity, which will not improve the family situation at all. Problems of this kind must be solved with the direct help of psychological therapy.

Advantages of a separate holiday

The effectiveness of separate rest is confirmed positive feedback couples who use it quite often, that is, sometimes they allocate time for themselves without the participation of the second half.

This does not mean that the experimental spouses do not love each other or that their bonds have weakened in their spiritual attachments. Rather, on the contrary, it is the desire to restore the original strength of feelings and a sense of emotional novelty in communication that makes it possible to understand that a respite in the constant household and personal contact of the family is simply necessary.

After all, a 24-hour marathon Everyday life psychologically exhausts our satisfaction with each other's actions so much that we imperceptibly begin to put everyday claims in the foreground human relations, thus canceling spiritual impulses and inner comfort.

According to psychologists who, with their advice to go to a problem couple on a separate vacation, have helped repeatedly, they believe that if claims against each other are based precisely on fatigue in everyday aspects and the daily nature of not quite high-quality communication, then such a couple simply needs to spend at least a few days separately .

Believe me, it is during a separate holiday, when you breathe in such a welcome air of freedom, that you will acutely feel how much you miss your eyes, a person who has been so callused by your constant presence, your second and, now you will finally understand, irreplaceable and dearly beloved half. last hours before the meeting, you should already languish in pleasant impatience, quickly see and hug your loved one.

If your couple is drawn into the abyss of everyday life, the colors of family life and emotional stability are lost, since you are inseparable from the moment of marriage, there is a reason to plan a separate vacation.

Being apart, you will plunge into new sensations, feel the rush mental strength, and most importantly, miss your loved one terribly. You will understand that nothing is as important in this world as your feelings and the fact that you are together. Keep these feelings for as long as possible, and when you start making claims and dissatisfaction with your partner again, leave again, and then move in with pleasure. After all, if there were no separations, it would not be necessary to meet. And the excitement of meeting with your loved one will not replace any pleasure.

Throw away other people's opinions and prejudices, if you give free rein to each other at least for a short period, then then you will never be able to tear yourself away from each other. That is why marriages where one of the family members often leaves for short periods of time (for example, families of truckers, sailors, suppliers, journalists) are considered the strongest and most stable, since short partings preserve the freshness of feelings and mutual understanding in the family.

Spouses in these families value the time they spend together so much that they easily forgive minor flaws each other. After all, our main vice is the inability to appreciate what we have. It becomes important for us already when it is often too late to change anything.

Deciding where to go is easier. It is enough to calculate the budget, and two dozen options will be eliminated by themselves. And with whom to go on a trip? This is a question that sooner or later appears on the agenda of all couples. Admire sunsets on the ocean, conquer mountain peaks, explore the sights of the globe in a family way, or take a “vacation” and married life, having rested without the second half?

Couples whose passports have recently been adorned with a marriage registration stamp, as a rule, do not even think about a separate trip to the resort. Young families "follow" the instructions given in the registry office, so "both in sorrow and in joy ..." they rest together. If there is more than one year of family life behind them, and in addition to it a list of accumulated claims, then some spouses prefer to rest from each other.

Lena and Igor: rested and ... strangers.

Three years of meetings under the moon and nine years with a stamp in the passport. During this time, Igor and Lena became happy parents two kids. The head of the family worked actively, and the other half kept the hearth. Sitting on decrees, the woman also earned a penny of labor by selling cosmetics. For the first few years of family life, the spouses did not think about going abroad on vacation - the funds did not allow. Over time, Igor's affairs went uphill and the family "go to resort". Having traveled around the country for a year, young parents reached the international level of recreation. Turkey, Egypt, Tunisia, Cyprus, Thailand… Everywhere together.

No conflicts. Everything is quiet, calm ... Like at home. This is "like at home" and tired. The decision to take a break came naturally. The place was chosen by yourself. She is Greece, he is Thailand. Leaving the children to their grandmothers, the husband and wife scattered into different sides. After 10 days, with a difference of several hours, the couple landed on their native land.

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History is silent about how the second halves rested away from each other, but the situation in the family has changed dramatically. Igor began to linger at work, often ignoring phone calls and get annoyed.

What do you control me? he shouted in anger at his once beloved wife, again returning home at midnight. Perplexed Elena tried to talk to her husband. One of these attempts ended in scandal. The head of the family packed up and left. Soon the couple divorced.

As it turned out later, on that ill-fated vacation, the man annealed in full. At home, the foreign macho continued his knowledge of the opposite sex.

Today Igor is alone. Despite rare meetings with his sons, the man regularly transfers money for their maintenance. Elena let go. More recently, in her life appeared new man and now she lives in a pleasant expectation of a marriage proposal.

Peter and Natalia: free and ... happy.

At a celebration for the occasion wooden wedding the Lyubenkos hardly smiled at the guests. They could hardly hide their mutual irritation. Behind five years of family life and a lot of claims to each other. In appearance perfect family: all the time together, but in fact two completely alien and embittered people. Joint trips on vacation, as a rule, ended in scandal. Silent way home and thoughts about another ruined weekend.

The case was nearing a divorce, when Natalya got a free ticket to Turkey. A friend offered to keep her company. The trip for two was paid for by the boyfriend of her friend. The generous groom was not allowed to leave work, and a "companion" had to be found. Hearing about this, Peter was indignant: they say, it’s worthless to go to resorts married ladies ride alone. And on reflection, he decided on a reciprocal move - he bought a week-long tour to Georgia. Natalia approved the trip.

Who would have thought, but the life of the spouses who rested separately began to sparkle with new colors.

We had topics for conversation, we, as in our youth, shared our impressions with each other, - says inspired Natalia.

Two years have passed since then. The couple are still planning a joint vacation, but now the idea of ​​​​resting separately does not scare them, but rather beckons. At the same time, according to the husband and wife, they did not commit anything “criminal” during the trip. Natalya admits that during her vacation abroad, men repeatedly flirted with her.

It's nice to be noticed and complimented. It seems to me that even my self-esteem has grown,” the woman shared.

Peter also said that during the rest he did not avoid the opposite sex, but communication was limited light flirting. The traveler even went to a striptease and willingly shared his impressions with his wife.

It became a kind of détente in our relationship,” the man says.

In the near future, the couple is planning a joint vacation and is already choosing a place where to go. In this case, the wishes of both spouses are taken into account.

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Expert opinion

The main disadvantage of resting apart is, first of all, the lack emotional contact between spouses. A man and a woman can exist as parents, but not as partners and like-minded people, explains Elena Shamova. - The absence of such contact just leads to holiday romances, since a person is looking for mutual understanding “on the side”. Often this applies to men, especially if they do not see their wife for more than two weeks. If he or she still insists on separate holidays, the question arises: why do they not want to be together? Apparently, there has been no heat in the relationship for a long time. After a vacation alone, it is these couples who are more likely to end up on the verge of divorce because they face the problem face to face. The sore spills out, and mutual claims only get worse.

According to the psychologist, a constant rest without a second half can sooner or later lead to a sad ending. If husband and wife can't relax together, then the question begs the question, what connects these two people anyway? Such relations can be called a union of tolerance and harmony in this case is out of the question. An exception can be called guest marriages, where family members live their own lives.

If the views and preferences of a husband and wife on vacation are radically different, then there is nothing wrong with spending several days away from each other. Let's say he's on a fishing trip, she's on a shopping tour. The main thing is that and spending time together The spouses were happy.

Permanent separate rest is not a way to cure family relationships. Thus, they can only be temporarily reanimated, but this will not solve all problems.

The advantages of independent trips to the resort are seen only in the case when they do not replace a joint vacation, but only dilute it.

Would you like to rest separately from your husband?

Photo from www.domashniy.ru

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Vacation is a time that everyone wants to spend with maximum pleasure. What to do if the couple's views on vacation do not coincide? Is it worth it to adapt to each other or is it better to hold it separately? Let's ask a psychologist.

Larisa GUMILEVA, psychologist

When deciding on a split vacation, it is important to weigh the pros and cons. It is better to do this in dialogue with a partner. A proposal put forward by either of the couples to spend a vacation separately can be considered only as an opportunity to relax without problems - after all, no one will require you to go to the museum in the midst of a happy beach idleness, will not disturb your morning sleep, will not make a scandal and will not say in their hearts: "Mulya, don't annoy me..."

The advantages of a separate vacation are the opportunity to miss each other; acquisition of fresh topics for conversation; a chance to take a fresh look at relationships; holidays in comfortable conditions.

The disadvantages of separate vacations are the inability to divide vivid impressions with a loved one and enjoy together freedom from everyday work; the likelihood of cheating on vacation is higher; Separate rest can lead to an unexpected chill in the relationship.

And therefore, separate rest is a kind of indicator. If the husband and wife understand and accept each other's interests, then it will go well. If the departure of one of the spouses causes distrust and resentment, then claims and quarrels are inevitable. And then isn’t it better to figure out why there was a desire to relax separately? Yes, a vacation apart can lead to a holiday romance and even a breakup. Or, on the contrary, it will strengthen the family, make it necessary to reconsider the relationship.

Separate or apart? Opinions:

- “I don’t understand the “separate philosophy”, because of work, everyone already spends very little time with the family. Therefore, it seems abnormal to me to leave also on vacation. Why then live together at all? My husband and I are always looking for a compromise solution for holidays And it has never let us down yet."

- "At the very beginning of our marriage, my husband and I agreed that we would not infringe on the interests of each other. That is why we for a long time(almost five years) rested separately. But since we had children, we have been resting with the whole family. And we go where it will be more comfortable for them, and not for us."

- "My husband and I had a crisis in relations even before marriage. There were many emotions ... The question was acute: either accept each other as we are, or leave. We decided to leave for a while: I wandered through the European streets, he rode in the mountains. Both I and he broke out a holiday romance. But after returning we met, talked for a long time and decided that we should be together. "

- “I don’t see a problem in relaxing separately. But my girlfriend and I don’t practice this all the time. And we don’t have strict agreements. It’s just that if she wants to go on vacation with her friends, I don’t interfere with them. free week, I don't require her to go fishing with me."

- "Over the fifteen years of marriage, my wife and I have accumulated so many claims to each other ... And we decided to take a time out in the form of a separate vacation. For the first time in our lives, we broke up for such a long time - two weeks. But that turned out to be enough for us to understand: it's time to get a divorce."

- "I know how a separate vacation goes and how it can end. My first marriage fell apart precisely because of such a vacation. After my husband returned from a vacation that he spent with his friend, I was treated for a year. They rested there to glory And although ex-husband assured that this happened only once, I could not stay with him.

If the relationship is in crisis and people view vacations individually as a way to escape from problems, then most likely they will return to them. Two weeks of separation will not turn a careless idler into a serious worker, but a stubborn and self-willed person into an ideal of patriarchal life. All outstanding issues(what to spend money on, how often to visit your mother, when to have a baby, etc.) will remain the same.

However, separate rest can help if there are two "explosive" people in a couple and (or) the conflict is superficial. emotional character, then time and distance will give partners the opportunity to look at the situation from the other side.

There are couples for whom separate holidays are one of the fundamental principles life together. As a rule, they also promote greater freedom in marriage than is traditionally accepted. Among these couples, there are both young experimenters and couples with solid experience who are really tired of each other and of living together.

But there is also such an important aspect as life after a separate vacation, and it has its own nuances. people need certain time to switch to everyday worries, to live incomprehensible (or even unpleasant) changes for another. Therefore, having met after a separate holiday, you need to give your friend the opportunity to adapt.

And it is important to return to the discussion of those pros and cons that you identified before the vacation: did they coincide with reality?

There is an opinion among the people that having a rest separately, the spouses thereby significantly strengthen their relationship. But many opponents of separate holidays argue that being away from each other for a long time, on the contrary, exacerbates problems that can go unnoticed if you spend more time together.

So what to do, go together or separately? Before planning your vacation, it is imperative to weigh all the pros and cons, think carefully about what you want to get from your vacation, and only then decide whether to go on vacation alone or with your husband / wife.

Benefits of Holidays with Husband or Wife

One of the main advantages of a joint holiday is the presence of loved one who will be able to share with you all the joys of relaxation and new experiences, as well as troubles, if they arise. In addition, when you return from vacation, you can remember together all the interesting and funny moments that happened during your vacation.

If you are used to spending a lot of time together, then being on vacation separately, you can miss your soulmate, and then the whole vacation will be ruined. People who are accustomed to talking with their loved ones every day will find it very difficult to find themselves in an unfamiliar environment if there is also no opportunity to communicate with their loved ones.

Another plus of a joint holiday is the opportunity to get to know your soulmate better. AT new environment may well open up new sides dear person, new facets in the relationship may appear. If your relationship is gradually slipping into habit and routine, then a joint vacation trip will help renew it and make it brighter.

Joint vacation, especially with children, perfectly strengthens the family and makes relationships more trusting.

Well, the last thing I would like to talk about is the possibility of treason or unreasonable jealousy. If you go on vacation without your husband or let him go alone, a situation can always arise that will lead to misunderstanding and jealousy, even if there is no reason.

The main advantages of separate rest

But do not think that separate rest brings solid negative. It often has its charms. This option allows you to leave at home all the usual, routine and boring, and plunge into the sea of ​​new experiences. Sometimes such changes allow you to look at your relationships and your family in a new way. Often only resting without a husband, you can understand how truly expensive he is and how bad it is without him. Sometimes a vacation without a wife helps a man understand that she is indeed a very valuable part of his life and without her it’s bad even in a heavenly place.

A positive vacation can also affect relationships if you and your husband have some differences in hobbies and or interests. If one prefers leisure, and the second wants to lie on the beach, this can lead to quarrels. To avoid such problems, it is enough just to go on vacation without a husband or without a wife and enjoy the kind of vacation that you really like without making your spouse nervous.

Holidays without family often help to realize its value, which gives a new impetus to the development of relationships.

Sometimes a separate holiday also helps to survive the crisis in a relationship. If you are tired of each other and joint life slowly turns into torture, you can just go to different places and take a break from each other. This will help put your thoughts in order and, perhaps, start the relationship anew from scratch.

In what situations is it better to spend a vacation separately

There are situations when it is better to spend a vacation separately. This will help to avoid complicating the situation in the family and even help to put thoughts and relationships in order.

One of these situations is if a couple is going on vacation, who has already lived together for a long time and there are problems in the relationship. If the spouses communicate daily, but not for long and on business, then the problems in the relationship may be invisible, but as soon as they are alone in a hotel room with their problems, the dissatisfaction, driven into a corner, comes out. Usually, instead of rest, “debriefing”, the search for the guilty and continuous quarrels are read.

In such a situation, it is better to go on vacation separately. Of course, this does not guarantee that everything will be fine upon return, but the vacation will be more pleasant. Of course, anything can happen: holiday romances, understanding that apart is better and even divorce. But sometimes good is better bad relationship. In most cases, a separate vacation makes it clear that together is still better.

If a vacation together threatens to quarrel, it is better to spend it separately and maintain a good relationship.

Separate rest is shown to couples who have different goals recreation. If one wants to sit alone on the beach, and the other wants to go to parties, it's better to go separately and spend time the way you want. You can also divide the vacation into two parts, one to spend separately, and the second - together. This will help you get the maximum benefit from the rest with minimal harm to the relationship.

When is the best time to spend a vacation together (Video)

Vacation without a wife or without a husband is an interesting thing, but there are situations when it is simply contraindicated. When is it worth to rest definitely together?

Going on vacation together is necessary if you want to be alone, but you do not have such an opportunity. Often people really love each other, but the rhythm of life, work, responsibilities, do not allow them to just be together. Gradually, this can become a habit, and life can turn into a routine. This cannot be allowed. If you want to be together - take a vacation, send the children to their grandmother or to the camp, and go on a trip, even if it is no further than your own dacha.

Be sure to relax together if you have the same interests and hobbies. If you enjoy the same things, you can have a great time together. The main thing that is necessary for such a vacation is to agree in advance - to prevent negativity.

Sometimes it can be helpful to spend at least a weekend together, sending the kids to grandma's or camp. This will refresh the relationship and strengthen it.

Joint rest is necessary family people who want to spend more time with their children. Often there is not enough time for children at work and other openings, and joint rest will help strengthen family relationships.

What to do if separate rest is a necessary measure?

Sometimes situations happen when it’s simply impossible to relax together, for example, you can take a vacation only in different time. Often, spouses who are accustomed to relaxing only together begin to panic in a similar situation.

Even if separate rest is a necessary measure, you should try to enjoy it.

More often, women begin to panic in the event of a trip on vacation without a husband. They begin to feel guilty and even agree to give up vacation so as not to leave their spouse. But you shouldn't do it. It is better to use this time to relax a bit, even if you are away from your loved one.
Here are some tips for women going on vacation without a husband:

• Agree on how often you will call him and tell him about your vacation, be sure to call according to the agreement.
• Enjoy email, send your photos taken on vacation, but be sure to write cover letters that you miss it so that you don’t get the impression that you are too good without it.
• If the husband has a tendency to jealousy, it is better not to talk about the men at the resort, even if they are completely not to your taste and you didn’t even have sinful thoughts. It is better to tell something about local attractions, people, dishes, shops, in other words, any little things that will help him imagine your vacation.
• It is better to warn about your return in advance. This will help to avoid coming to an untidy apartment or something worse. In addition, knowing the date of arrival, the spouse will be able to prepare for you a pleasant surprise, which is always good.