How to survive a divorce, my husband left for his mistress. The husband left the family for his mistress, but does not want to get a divorce

The husband cheated for a year, left for his mistress twice, returned for three days the first time, left for two weeks the second time, returned. After the second return, a month later, his mistress came and said that he would choose to stay in the family or go to her, he left for the third time and a few days later he again began to ask to go home and began to say that he loved only me, would not give it to anyone and that I piece. I filed for divorce. Should you trust your husband?

It’s not for me or any other person to decide. It's your life and that's all, and the choice is yours. But what can I say, I can say that this will not end, I know how many such situations, he will walk until the end, either you accept it, or you yourself know what the solution is. In this regard, as well as in others, they do not change; this can no longer be eradicated. Established character and way of life.

No, it's not worth it. It’s better to shift your focus altogether in order to solve this problem - urgently raise your self-esteem, develop your femininity. And then - look for your man, despite all the talk about the topic that there are not enough men now, and where am I with my age, appearance and other far-fetched shortcomings.
The husband should be catching up, not running away. This one is already lost, forget about it! Not only will it be hard for you to forget betrayal, but the worst thing is that even after returning, your ex will begin to secretly hate you, due to the fact that he became a traitor in the situation with you. Such is the illogicality of our psyche.

The question is not whether you should believe, but whether you are satisfied with such a relationship? Yes, he loves you, in the sense that he puts into it. Yes, you are a part of him, yes, he is attached to you, you are part of his life. But he also loves his mistress, no matter why, the important thing is that he sees her as a person, and not a girl for one night. He is held not only by sex with her, but also by affection, he feels something for her, this is a fact. He doesn't lie to you, but he doesn't lie to her either. Both you and she are dear to him. You need to decide whether you allow him to live in two families (people live in harems and live happily). Either get a divorce, there is no other way. He will still go to her, unless she breaks all contact with him.

the person doesn’t seem to know what he wants, but you don’t want to be a toy in his hands, so don’t believe him

I wouldn’t believe it if a person did it once, twice, three times - he will continue to do so, these are no longer one-time mistakes, this is a pattern of behavior. I think you should find another, worthy and faithful man.

I wouldn’t be so categorical in my judgment about the goat... A goat, of course, yes. But. Most likely, your husband is not happy with something in your relationship. But for some reason he can’t tell you this. And he gets something on the side. Don't immediately think that this is sex. This is your husband, and only you can understand what alienated you and your husband. What you are asking is: is it worth believing? , then this said that you would be happy to believe, but you need guarantees that this will not happen again. And for this you need to have an honest conversation with your husband. Maybe not very pleasant things will come out. But it must be done. But you can always get a divorce. Breaking is not building.

You're still asking... of course it's not worth it. I understand that you love him, but cheating cannot be forgiven even the first time, but three times... he will simply repeat it again over time. You will hurt yourself more. He can't be trusted.

A person should always be given one chance. You gave him this chance, but he didn’t take advantage of it. The man did not accept the lesson. I decided that once they let him back in, he could use it throughout his life. Believe me, he will continue to hang around like shit in a hole: neither ours nor yours. Let him go, let him roll in all four directions. You did everything right. Don't lose yours precious time to a person who simply does not know what loyalty is. He will do the same with his mistress (after all, he has already left her for you several times!). It looks like he got her too with his choices.

Don’t waste your time on him, he won’t be with anyone, he’ll be fooled by him throughout his life and won’t stay with you like that with someone else, when they love you don’t run around with others, but it’s in his blood, a seeker of new sensations

Naturally not! Send this goat to all fours. Where is your self-respect? I understand that it is very difficult, but you need to be strong and no longer partake in the lives of people who cause you pain.

You see a question that one of the site users asked the Universe, and the answers to it.

The answers are either people very similar to you, or your complete opposites.
Our project was conceived as a way psychological development and growth, where you can ask advice from “similar” people and learn from “very different” people what you don’t yet know or haven’t tried.

Do you want to ask the Universe about something important to you?

Anonymously

My husband left and left me pregnant with my second child.

Hello girls. There will be a lot of letters. Whoever reads it - thank you. My husband and I had a whirlwind romance, we got married, and after that we had a daughter. The birth was very difficult and very for a long time I couldn’t recover physically after them. I'm going to my daughter.....

Read completely...

Conscience gnawed!...

Not a situation, but an anecdote! (I filed for divorce, the first meeting was held, the second was at the end of March. There is a child. The husband comes to him reluctantly. There is an MCH, they have known each other for a long time, but upon learning about the divorce, he confessed his feelings) So, the MCH came with cake, juice and other things to visit. The kid went to bed. We drank coffee, he hugged me, everything was so good... And there you go!!! Almost my ex-husband comes in... We calmly introduced ourselves to each other, went to smoke. Then the three of us drank coffee , MC left, and BM started to set fire to me! And I felt so ashamed, I feel like I’m the last one... But we’re getting a divorce!... And it’s still somehow disgusting... ((P.S when BM came in, we just stood there hugging each other, everything is fine)

Perhaps you have already guessed about everything for a long time or, on the contrary, you have not noticed anything suspicious.

Always preferred total control, or maybe complete trust. They kept a tight rein on their spouse or catered to his every whim.

But, be that as it may, it was with you that what everyone is afraid of happened. married woman: the husband left for his mistress, and what to do next is absolutely unclear.

You are depressed and broken, excessive pain and resentment are overwhelming. The same questions are spinning in my head: “How could he? What is wrong with me? How is it better? My heart breaks from self-pity, and hatred awakens in my soul - towards my husband and, especially towards her, the homewrecker. And how can she, the unscrupulous one, be carried only by the earth?!

Unfortunately, you are not the first and you will not be the last. Your feelings are familiar to many women. Some were able to cope with them, while others were mired in depression for a long time. But remember, your future is now only in your hands. And even though life is divided into “before” and “after,” everything will definitely get better, but only if you want it yourself!

What not to do if your husband left for his mistress

It's very difficult for you right now, and this is absolutely normal. But under no circumstances should you get used to being a victim. After all, it also happens that some abandoned wives for years, decades, seek pity and sympathy from those around them, blaming their ex-husband for all their failures and hardships: “He crippled me all my life, betrayed me, went to this bitch. But I was never able to recover from the blow. She never got married again and didn’t give birth to children. She eked out a miserable, beggarly existence, because during the divorce he took everything away.”

Understand that You can’t shift responsibility for your destiny to your husband. Everyone is responsible for themselves! Set your number one goal - getting out of depression. And to make this happen as soon as possible, work diligently on yourself.

Moreover, under no circumstances don't lose your self-esteem. In order not to lose the respect of others, adhere to the following rules to the best of your ability.

Don’t start a showdown with your spouse’s mistress. Don't look for a meeting or communication with her. Constructive dialogue it still won't work. It is unlikely that she will be interested in your arguments about how much you and your husband have in common. She needs to take care, first of all, about herself and her well-being, and not about some stranger and her feelings.

Most likely, you will not be able to resist insults or even assault, and then you will regret what happened. It's especially terrible if you start a scandal in public place. For example, you might take it into your head to show up to your mistress at work. In this case, the girl’s colleagues are unlikely to understand or sympathize with you. You will be a laughing stock for them, you will put on a free show that everyone will laugh at for a long time.

Do not contact the loved ones of the homewrecker. Some wives do not go directly to their mistress, they go to her parents or some other relatives in the hope that they, having entered into the situation, will influence the situation. Remember, these people will never be on your side.

They love their daughter, sister, aunt, niece, mother - in a word, the woman with whose participation your family was broken. They don't care about you.

Don't humiliate yourself in front of a man. Don't beg your husband to come back, don't fall on your knees in front of him, don't throw hysterics, don't threaten to commit suicide. Do not refuse a divorce if your spouse requests an annulment. All these actions will only cause a man to feel disgust towards you. But don’t hide your pain and disappointment in your partner. It’s not possible to tell him everything calmly, write an SMS or a message on a social network, without descending into dirt and insults.

Don't complain to the first person you meet. Now, more than ever, you want to talk it out, but don’t try to share the problem with everyone. Some people are not interested in her, others have enough of their own worries, and still others will laugh at you behind your back. Limit the circle of those involved in what happened to your closest friends and relatives, trust the trouble only to those in whom you are confident.

Don't try to forget yourself with alcohol. When a husband leaves for his mistress, some women try to quell their despair with alcohol. Indeed, after getting drunk, you can temporarily push worries out of your head, but along with a hangover, the pain will certainly return, but with a vengeance. In addition, drinking has the nasty ability to quickly become a habit, completely depriving its fans of beauty, health, success, and the good attitude of others.

Don't pick on men. Don't try to quickly find a replacement for your husband. Now it is difficult for you to objectively evaluate young people. Don’t try to prove your relevance to the opposite sex by appearing in public from time to time. different men. This way you can easily deprive yourself of a good reputation, which will negatively affect future relationships.

Don't force yourself on your ex-lovers. First, put yourself and your thoughts in order, and then improve your personal life.

Don't make excuses. Don’t try to explain every time to curious people the reason why your husband left for his mistress. None: “I did everything for him, cooked, cleaned, washed, blew away specks of dust, pleased him in bed, but it wasn’t enough for him.”

Whatever you say, there will be those who will say that husbands do not leave good wives. Don't prove to them otherwise, it's useless. Reply to awkward question short and dry: “It just happened.”

Do not turn to psychics and fortune tellers. They tell all abandoned wives the same story: that a rival unscrupulously bewitched a man, and he left you not of his own free will, but under the compulsion of evil spirits. That it is important to fight a love spell, otherwise it will be bad for you, your husband, and all generations of offspring.

Rituals to remove a spell are always expensive and must be performed repeatedly. And you even supposedly begin to notice some results from their implementation, but in reality you are simply lining the pockets of so-called magicians and wizards with your own savings, and in return you listen to fairy tales and hope for the best.

Don't follow the life of your husband and his new chosen one. Do not find out the details of the relationship between your spouse and his passion through mutual friends. Of course, you will be pleased to know that lovebirds quarrel all the time. But if everything is fine with them, and they seem to be made for each other? Would you like this information? Do not look at their shared photos in in social networks. Don’t tear your soul, don’t hurt yourself even more.

How to return to normal life when your husband leaves for his mistress

Even when your heart breaks from pain and despair, you need to find the strength to move on.

You need to slowly but surely get rid of negative emotions, learn to notice as much good as possible, and smile more often.

To recover from what happened, first of all, get down to business.

. Appreciate the advantages of a free life. My husband left for his mistress, what advantages could there be? And you will remember all of him negative qualities. If he liked to drink and raise his hand to you, consider his departure great luck. You just got rid of the tyrant. Did your spouse throw dirty socks around and not let you watch TV shows? But now your house is always neat and clean, and you watch TV whenever you want.

. Analyze your fears. If separation is inevitable, many fears arise in your head, most of which are completely unfounded. You are afraid of being alone forever, not being able to live with dignity financially, and you are afraid of being judged by others because of your inability to maintain strong family relationships.

Your fears are far-fetched. You will be able to provide for yourself, find a worthy life partner and be happy, like many other women who have experienced betrayal and a difficult divorce.

. Draw conclusions. No one is calling you to engage in soul-searching, but you should still draw certain conclusions from the current situation so as not to repeat past mistakes with other men. Maybe you chose the wrong person in the first place? Or have you been testing your husband’s patience for a long time, and he left you in search of more respect?

Perhaps you allowed him too much, and he always did what he liked, contrary to your feelings? Try to understand what you did wrong, and once you understand, don’t blame yourself for anything. It was not you, but your husband who did not want to work on the relationship; he chose to run away instead of dealing with the difficulties that arose in the family.

. Hope for higher power . If you believe in God, attend church, this will help you let your spouse go in peace and forgive. If you're not too devout, just rely on the boomerang rule. You will be rewarded for all your suffering and tears, and the offenders will someday get theirs. This position will help you not resort to revenge and thereby not make a mistake.

. Raise your self-esteem. You may feel like everyone is looking at you askance. Even if this is the case, raise your head up, straighten your shoulders proudly, and boldly look people in the face. Now it is very important to be constantly confident in yourself. Take care of your appearance, apply makeup, create hairstyles, go on a diet, do fitness.

Do everything to feel attractive, while avoiding being too revealing or flashy. sexual frustration outfits

. Take a break. Go on a visit and go shopping, start renovations in your apartment, arrange general cleaning, read books, bake cakes - do everything to distract yourself from sad thoughts. When you are alone with yourself, remember pleasant moments from childhood, first love, funny animals. Look for the positive, in a word.

What to do if your husband left for his mistress, leaving you without financial support

After separation, it is especially morally difficult for those women who are accustomed to being dependent on their husbands.

If in your family the main breadwinner has always been a man, understand that everything has changed.

Don’t expect handouts from your spouse, don’t sit on your relatives’ necks, start acting on your own.

Force yourself to look for a job, write a resume, go to interviews. If you have no experience, you may have to start from the bottom, but there is nothing scary or shameful about that.

A good employee will be quickly noticed, supported, and taught.

Believe in yourself and everything will work out.

Soon you will not only be able to feed and clothe yourself, but also allow yourself good cosmetics, rest, any entertainment.

What to do if your husband left for his mistress and you have children together

If you have a child, and maybe even more than one, remember, first of all, you are a mother, and then an abandoned spouse.

When parents separate For children this is always unbearable stress. Spare their feelings, don’t take it out on them, don’t turn them against their father and his new woman.

If their couple turns into a family, it will be difficult for the children to establish contact with their stepmother, knowing from their mother’s words what a rare bitch and reptile she is. The relationship with your father will inevitably deteriorate, and this will only hurt the children more, because they love him no less than you.

Don't try to manipulate a man with a child, do not prohibit meetings. Remember, dads do not know how to love children from a distance, quickly forgetting about fatherly responsibilities. Do not insult your spouse in front of the child, do not focus on unfulfilled promises, and do not undermine your father’s authority. Perhaps someday you will need your ex-husband's help in raising your grown-up child, but your son or daughter will no longer treat your father with due respect.

My husband left for his mistress, how to return him to the family

Your husband left you, but are you still waiting for his return? Believe me, there are many chances that you will reunite again.

According to statistics More than half of men, after leaving for their mistress, return to their family after some time. For this to happen, do not try to prove anything to your husband, do not interfere in his relationship with his new partner.

Take care of yourself and your life. Move forward without looking back at the past, strive for high goals.

Maybe, the time will come, and the man himself will understand that he stupidly lost the best woman In my life. And then you will decide whether you need reconciliation.

Main, be able to forgive, otherwise the family reunion will not make any sense.

You can put a lot of effort into your beauty, comprehend spiritual practices and culinary art, love your spouse madly and one day discover that everything has collapsed - he leaves for another. Some blame their mistress for this, others blame their husbands, others blame themselves. Who is really to blame?

If the husband left for his mistress, then there is a reason for this. Perhaps after some time he will be drawn home and the couple will be reunited again. In order not to step on the same rake twice, married couple It’s worth finding the cause of the gap and trying to eliminate it. What could become such?

• Polygamy. Sometimes there is no one to blame. Polygamy is inherent in nature, so it’s better to take the information for granted and just wait. In 90% of cases, men return to their families.

• Mystery. By nature, a man is a hunter. To keep him, you need to intrigue him. No wonder there is an expression that a woman must have a mystery. When it is solved, the hunter rushes in search of a new victim. But then he returns to his wife again. This fact does not apply to all males. But there is a certain type for whom such a game represents the essence of a love relationship.
• Strong woman. There are women who do not tolerate sentimentality and are afraid to show weakness even in private. They don't disdain men's work, decide family problems and earn more than the head of the family. It’s no wonder that the husband leaves for his mistress after some time. After all, about how he sees Perfect marriage, no one asked. Perhaps he wants to show care, be the main breadwinner and solve everyday problems himself. And then at one point in a man’s life a companion appears who allows him to do this. Although there is also back side: since initiative is not inherent to this type by nature, the role of head of the family will not be fulfilled for long. When the enthusiasm fades, the husband returns to his wife again.
• Life It's no secret that everyday life kills feelings. A series of problems is annoying and often leads to quarrels in marriage. Scandals become the only thing emotional outburst. The rest remains behind the scenes. It is this “rest” that the spouse finds on the side.
• Extreme. The passion between spouses subsides over the years, and the relationship becomes more like a friendship. She cooks, he looks for novelty and finds it on the side. Although the ending of these romance novels also predictable - usually, after experiencing a dose of extreme sports, the faithful return to their ex-wives.
• Wife's indifference. This is a classic situation: robe, curlers, pots, children. The wife is too lazy to take care of herself and has no time to listen to her husband’s problems. The husband in this situation, as in the previous one, finds consolation in another.

How long will the fight between the ex and the future last?

Cases when men return to their families from new passion, weight. The question is, how long does it take for this to happen? How long should you wait - a year, two, three or more? According to psychologists, serious novels on the side last about eight months. This short period of time, if you remember the theory that love lasts three years. At the same time, it is impossible to answer with certainty how long it will take for your loved one to return home. Everyone has their own situation. For some representatives of the stronger sex, relationships with their mistresses can last ten years. These are the cases when they are in no hurry to make a choice and live in two houses. Marriage here is based only on an unspoken agreement: everyone has their own personal life.

If the husband left for his mistress immediately

Without long hesitation. The situation becomes a little simpler because:

• The period of throwing, and at the same time the suffering of all parties, is reduced.
• The sooner your life together begins new couple, the faster their feelings will be tested by everyday life.
• The man will begin to compare his ex with his new passion and quickly determine whether he feels good in the new conditions.

The optimal period required for the transition from passion to everyday life is one and a half to two years. The period may be shorter, because sometimes the very fact of furtive meetings adds spice. If this was the only meaning of love, exes quickly break up with their mistresses and come back. Here are some more reasons why husbands return to their wives from their mistresses:

• Mental and physical comfort, which was in the previous house and was lost in another.
• Financial situation, which suited the former and does not suit the current companion - she was counting on more.
• Disappearing passion. Perhaps passion was the only reason for the union. When she disappears, the situation reaches a dead end. About such cases they say: “It was a mistake.”
• Epiphany. It turned out that the love was far-fetched, the man just needed a pause to understand how dear his ex-wife was to him.

It is possible that the above will have one underlying reason - a midlife crisis. Many mistakes are made precisely because of a radical revaluation of values. In times of crisis this is very important.

How long a midlife crisis lasts is as difficult to determine as it is to answer how long it will take for your spouse to want to go home. Everyone has their own deadline.

It can be squeezed into a year, or it can stretch out for ten years. It all depends on internal complexes and upbringing. But no matter how long the midlife crisis lasts, outside consolation will not be a salvation from worries. An option is possible when a man breaks off relations with his wife, and then with a new passion, and remains in the status of a bachelor for some time.

Woman's behaviorwho was abandoned: first reaction

The departure of a loved one is stressful, so experiencing negative emotions in the first period is normal. The woman feels humiliated, insulted, she is hurt and scared because no one needs her. Containing emotions is not a woman’s business, therefore, the sooner they spill out, the sooner you can pull yourself together. The latter is very important for those who intend to bring their spouse home. Yes, you won’t be forced to be nice and no one gives guarantees that he will return, but to accept the news of leaving with dignity is the first step towards reconciliation.

The most important thing is to contain negative emotions at the time of leaving. Even if the couple will never be together again, discomfort The consequences of their actions can last a lifetime.

When the job is done and he has left, you should not look for consolation in food, alcohol or promiscuity. Going to extremes will not make it any easier. Endless phone calls do not bode well either. Requests to return home, accusations and reproaches only humiliate. You definitely can’t save your family from your mistress. Rather, on the contrary: for your loved one, these actions will become another confirmation that he did the right thing.

How to behave? It’s good if the spouse has long guessed about an affair on the side and had the opportunity to prepare herself for the news of leaving. It’s worse if the news came as a bolt from the blue. In this situation, you can’t pick a reaction; it will spill out intuitively. Although you can stop in time. Ideally, it is better not to start a scandal, not to play out a drama, but, having swallowed the insult, calmly accept the news. And if a woman has the courage to say that she respects her lover’s decision, then the first winning move is automatically credited to the ex’s account. The husband will certainly appreciate his wife’s wisdom, not now, but later, when he wants to return.

Important! Under no circumstances should you sort things out withhusband's new companion! This is always a loss and humiliation of oneself.

Another one important recommendation- do not overdo it in discussions with friends. You shouldn’t let them in on your details. married life and throw mud at your ex. What if after a while he returns home and family life gets better again? Meetings with people who are in the know family scandal, not very pleasant. You will have to change friends and company.

And yes, the more talk about betrayal, the more the emotional pendulum swings. It will be more difficult to find peace of mind, and the state of resentment will last longer.

What to do when emotions have subsided: trying to understand yourself

When the first reaction has been experienced, instead of replaying the situation over and over again, you need to step back and think about what to do next. It must be remembered that there are only two options: forgive and return, or forget and move on. If the choice fell on the first, then you should seriously think about what exactly makes you return ex-spouse. After all, feelings tend to mix and in such a situation it is difficult to distinguish where the truth is and where it is a product of anger and resentment. What may guide you when deciding to get your ex back:

• The desire to restore dignity. Trying to take away what is hers, the spouse wants to restore self-esteem and compensate for the insult. If a reunion occurs, the couple does not live together for long. Life together comes down to reproaches and pressure to feel guilty. Do husbands return to such exes forever? Hardly.
• Revenge on the homewrecker. Perhaps the relationship between the couple collapsed long ago, but the spouses never talked about it. As a result of the breakup, a woman may simply be angry at the one who allegedly broke up their family. But if the man returns, the feeling of victory will last a maximum of a week. Next there will be the same reproaches, feelings of guilt and disgust.
• Children. The most common reason. Parents forget that children are happy when their mom and dad are happy too. Children feel emotions very subtly, so saving a family through deception is not the best way to the right way. If you talk to children on an adult level, they will understand and support any decision of their parents.

What to do if there is a reason true love? After what time can you start trying to get your loved one back? At once. The first rule is not to put pressure, set conditions, not threaten or force decisions. The second is a serious but calm conversation in private. A married couple needs to try to remember all the difficulties and happy moments lived together. It’s good if she makes it clear that the feelings haven’t faded yet and that she’s ready to accept her ex into the family after the betrayal. The conversation will be a test for herself. Suddenly, in the process of communication, it turns out that there are no feelings at all, that this is self-deception. Or it may be that the spouse himself will express doubts about the breakup and hint that all is not lost. His departure may be just a moment of madness.

Women's advice: If the husband decides to return, do not quicklydisclose hugs. At first, it’s better to “think” a little about whether to take it back. After all, he is the culprit of women's tears and suffering.

What if he doesn't intend to come back?

If a man remains adamant after a conversation, then worry and self-criticism away. These two satellites are the worst solution to the problem. We need to focus on the future and start creating a new life. This is only possible if you once and for all prohibit yourself from scrolling through variations on the theme: will he ever return to me? You only need to focus on yourself: remember your attractiveness, your ability to arouse desire in men.

Begin new stage best from the outside. This is even recommended by psychologists. New hairstyle, cardinal change clothing style, getting rid of extra pounds - these worries can fill your thoughts at first. If there are any things in the house that remind you of a past relationship, you need to get rid of them or put them out of sight. The same goes for the wardrobe.

You need to find the positives in everything. If the husband restrained his former companion in some way, for example, did not let him go out with friends, now is the time to take advantage of the opportunity. It is also worth thinking about what you always wanted to do, but did not have time for it: yoga, dancing, swimming pool, fitness, etc. The more active the pastime, the greater the chance of switching to good things and pushing an unpleasant event into the background.

It’s even better to regard the breakup as an opportunity to analyze your mistakes in family life. Perhaps after some period it will be discovered that the reason for the divorce was not at all what it seemed at first. If a woman finds the courage to admit and work through her mistakes, she will have a better chance of creating a new and more prosperous family.

And perhaps it will happen that after a while the man will be drawn home. They often return to their exes if they give them complete freedom. After all, the more the level of importance of a problem decreases, the faster it resolves itself. And then it’s up to the woman to decide whether to accept her ex into the family after cheating or continue to build new life with another person.

The situation when the husband left for his mistress can be compared to a disaster. Such betrayal unsettles you, life loses its meaning, and you give up. This circumstance is painfully perceived by women of any age. But you need to live on and strive to become happy in the future, especially if there are children nearby. These are not banal words, but a guide to action. Experienced psychologists give wise advice on how to cope with emotions. You need to analyze the situation, outline a clear plan and begin to implement it.

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  Patterns of behavior when a rival appears

  Every representative of the fair sex feels the appearance of a rival in her life. This happens on a subconscious level even when the husband carefully hides its presence. There are a lot of options for women’s behavior in this situation, ranging from complete inaction to the most decisive measures to fight to preserve their happiness. Men can act in such situations differently. Some leave home without hiding anything and without thinking for a minute. Others rush between two women for a long time, being stressed by the inevitability of making a specific choice.

  Psychologists view a man’s behavior when choosing between two women as inadequate. Euphoria from new love, guilt before ex-lover, pity for children and many other aspects make it difficult to accept the only correct solution. Clouding of consciousness does not make it possible to objectively assess the situation. That is why ex-wife must take on the role of an adequate adult person who can put everything in its place. If she panics, then there will be no one to think about her family and children. The relationship will end irrevocably, and many problems will remain unresolved.

  If the husband has found a mistress, the wife can choose several models of behavior. All of them will be correct, since every woman knows exactly what she wants from a relationship with a man. But each case has its pros and cons.

  • Don't notice what's happening. Many women prefer this model of behavior because they pursue their interests. This is reasonable if the wife lives on her husband’s territory and is completely dependent on him financially. Sometimes inaction and silence allow you to gain time to resolve the issue in your favor. The man has not yet decided whether he should destroy his family, and he has the opportunity to compare his new passion with his ex-wife. The mistress does not want to wait and begins to demand decisive action, but the wife behaves calmly. A husband who finds himself in a difficult situation chooses more comfortable conditions, and when difficult period passes, remains in the family. However, in the case of thoughtful behavior of a mistress who acts not with pressure, but with affection, the situation can radically change. If she constantly demands help, is “bored,” puts herself in the role of a victim, or puts forward the most important argument in her favor - sudden pregnancy, the guy can leave his wife forever.
  • Sort things out. This behavior pattern is the most common. Not many women are able to remain silent when their husband has a mistress. Unexpected grief does not allow one to correctly assess the situation, and the spouse begins to take unplanned actions. If you pull yourself together and become a good friend to your husband for a while, you can lead him to straight Talk. It is necessary to give a person the opportunity to make his own choice, without unnecessary reproaches and accusations. Then there is a chance that the man will remain in the family. If a completely balanced woman has turned into a rude, hysterical woman, the husband will try to avoid a showdown and go to a place where he will not listen to reproaches. This is the most common way for men to. They subconsciously wait for their spouse to start making claims, so that the negativity that befalls them becomes a reason to leave. Then the choice will become obvious, and the husband will not feel guilty. Anyone will support him when they know what he had to listen to and endure.
  • Let everything take its course. There is a category of women who let go of the situation and watch how it all ends. My husband doesn’t come home to spend the night; sometimes this absence lasts for weeks. Then he returns home, explains the reason or does without explanation, and the family continues to live as usual. There are cases when a husband goes to his mistress for months and years, and then returns and never leaves. It depends on the character of the wife and the circumstances that arise. If this happened after 30 years of marriage, when the relationship became too smooth and outlived its usefulness, then leaving the family becomes the only way out to save them. The woman is unable to influence the situation, since she is no longer young and is not an authority for her husband in this issue. Moreover, if the couple does not have children or they are old enough and do not require constant presence and care, this gives the spouse additional opportunities.

  According to statistics, a secret romance between lovers lasts approximately 8 months. After they start open relationship, passion lasts no more than 1.5-2 years. Love finally dies after 3 years. The ex-wife’s main suffering lasts from 2 to 3 weeks, the final “recovery” occurs after 3 months. Based on these data, it is recommended to make the right decision for yourself. If you want to stay with your husband, you should be patient a little, since the likelihood of returning to the family is very high.

  How to return a husband to his family from his mistress

  What to do in different situations

  When your husband leaves, there may be different situations. Sometimes a person leaves for work and never returns, leaving his things behind and avoiding explanations. Another situation is when a man hides a relationship on the side, but continues to support it. The third is when everything is already known, but he will not make a definite decision and rushes between two women.

  In every special case there are some nuances. However, the solution to the problem remains standard. The wife needs to objectively assess the situation and try to resolve it without unnecessary emotions.

  

  My husband left for someone else

  My husband lives in two families

  If a husband has found himself a mistress and does not want to leave, this indicates his uncertainty about the correct choice in the current circumstances. The limiting factor is material or moral obligations:

  • nowhere to go (the new passion does not have her own living space);
  • common business with the spouse;
  • debt obligations in the form of a mortgage, loan;
  • small children or great love for them;
  • wife's illness and guilt towards her;
  • close connection ;
  • feeling of shame in front of parents, friends, work colleagues;
  • common plans and interests that cannot be betrayed;
  • uncertainty about a new partner;
  • indecision;
  • fear of making a fatal mistake.

  It happens that a man runs from one family to another, feels responsible for both women and therefore does not get a divorce. Only the reasonable behavior of one lady and the fatal mistake of another can push him to take a decisive step.

  Psychologists recommend that the wife clearly decide whether she needs such a man. In this case, the affected pride comes to the fore. It is impossible to survive resentment and unexpected betrayal. A woman tries with all her might to force a man to return, forgetting about the consequences of this return. It’s worth imagining a situation where, after much hesitation, a man will return to his family. If a woman can forgive him, forget the past and remain the same, she should definitely try. To do this, you need to free yourself from feelings of jealousy, resentment and completely trust your husband. However, this is very difficult to do. Without understanding the reasons for her husband’s behavior, the wife dooms herself to new suffering. At first everything will be fine, but there is a high probability that the man may cheat again or begin to remember his mistress and stop devoting time to his wife. Both sides may lose, since the old trust will be difficult to achieve.

  A wife who does not want to put up with her husband’s constant desertions must clarify their relationship. This is necessary if she has mentally prepared for a possible breakup. The man fears this moment, but expects it, since the first step towards separation (in his opinion) will not be taken by him. The wife is recommended to give her husband a little time to make his choice and wait for the result. A man may return home because he will understand that family is more valuable. If the husband continues to stay late at work, does not part with his phone and behaves suspiciously, then specific actions need to be taken. The relationship is at an impasse, and there is no point in wasting time on it. Maybe, loving person is nearby.

  

  Do husbands return after divorce?

  He returned to his wife

  The man who left his family made the right decision. It seems so to him at first, but at this time he is under the influence of a surge of emotions. Secret dates, which are a priori condemned by others, unite a couple in love. They are in the state of sufferers whose love is forced to survive in such terrible conditions. A man is accused by his wife, parents, friends, and only with his mistress is he calm and at ease. The euphoria of secret meetings gives way to a situation in which there is nothing left to hide. The prose of life begins, which reminds the husband of previous relationships. There comes a moment of disappointment as each of the lovers did not get what they wanted. The mistress saw that in everyday life the man was far from the image of an attentive groom, and the guy drew attention to changes in appearance and character new girlfriend, because instead of sweet coquetry there were notes of demands and discontent.

  After such disappointment, a man will be drawn home, because the best years his young life with his wife. The time will come when the husband will ask to return. The wife is advised to remember what claims he made to her during his departure. All these wishes must be fulfilled, and mistakes must be corrected. If the husband was indignant about his inability to cook, housekeeping, or lack of attention to him, bad upbringing children, you need to reconsider your outlook on life and try to acquire these skills. IN mandatory You need to take care of your appearance; a radical change of image would be a reasonable solution.

  The husband should not only admire his wife’s appearance, but also find new qualities in her that are so desirable for him. Clean, clean, smelling apartment delicious food kitchen, happy children, calm wife will become pleasant surprise for the spouse. He should be met by a complete stranger with whom he has a pleasant time. The absence of memories of old grievances, complaints about a temporary lonely life and a lot of problems will help a man understand that he can start all over again. Most of all, he is afraid that he will have to make excuses, apologize, that he will be haunted by a feeling of guilt in front of his wife, children and loved ones. The wife must do everything to avoid this.

  What if she is younger or older?

  It is very important to find out what your opponent is like. You should not resort to drastic actions such as surveillance, determining the place of residence, and especially clarifying the relationship. IN similar situation the wife is always the loser, since the husband is completely on the side of his mistress. It is recommended to contact your friends, relatives or work colleagues and very accurately find out the necessary information. It’s good if we can get you into a frank conversation own husband. To do this, you need to gain his trust as a good friend or advisors. You can’t say anything bad about your rival, much less insult or compare with yourself. This information will be useful to draw the necessary conclusions.

  If the husband's mistress is much younger, it means the husband is having a midlife crisis, when the thirst for novelty overshadows everything else. Most likely, he became interested in the young body, fell in love with a girl with whom he felt rejuvenated. He hovers on the wings of love and cannot adequately assess the situation until some time has passed. In any case, an abandoned woman should first of all change her appearance, find new hobbies and join the youth a little. Children or grandchildren can help with this. If they are not there, try to figure it out. fashion trends in the world of music, fashion, cinema.

  If the husband has a mistress older than him or his wife, one should look for the reason for the separation in insufficient care behind the young man. Such a choice indicates a man’s unwillingness to accept overwhelming obligations and take responsibility for the family. It’s not the wife’s fault, the guy just made a mistake when getting married: he didn’t need a wife, but caring mother. If you want to return such a man to the family or he asks to return, you should pay attention to your economic skills. You should be prepared for the fact that you cannot rely on him. The guy will avoid solving problems and look for easy ways.

  Having found out what your rival is like, you can immediately determine how to behave with your returning husband. At this time, the ex-wife changes roles with her mistress. The husband should not only admire his wife’s appearance, but also find new qualities in her that are so desirable for him. A cleanly decorated apartment, a kitchen that smells of delicious food, happy children, and a calm wife will be a pleasant surprise for your spouse. He should be met by a complete stranger with whom he has a pleasant time. The absence of memories of old grievances, complaints about a temporary lonely life and a lot of problems will help a man understand that he can start all over again. Most of all, he is afraid that he will have to make excuses, apologize, that he will be haunted by a feeling of guilt in front of his wife, children and loved ones. The wife must do everything to avoid this.

  Wife's Rules of Conduct

  Even if suspicions about infidelity arose a long time ago, the husband’s departure from the family will still be unexpected. It is impossible to prepare for this, since the hope that everything will work out does not subside almost until the last minute. Every self-respecting woman who finds herself in this situation should reduce her emotions to a minimum and do the right thing.

  Even if there is no likelihood that the husband will ever return to the family again, it is worth keeping with him normal relationship, because otherwise the woman’s psyche suffers and an inferiority complex is formed.

  Prohibited tricks

  There are several rules that must be followed so as not to aggravate the situation and not suffer from its consequences. Even if there is very little time to prepare, and your husband’s departure was taken by surprise, in no case should you do the following:

  • Cry, sob, beg to stay. The psychology of a man does not allow him to endure women's tears indifferent. Representatives of the stronger sex either try to help or quickly avoid solving the problem.
  • Blackmail. Blackmail and threats based on the principle: “I won’t let you communicate with children” or “I will commit suicide” will not help. If a man decides to leave, he will definitely leave. But he will do it faster this way. Fear of getting negative information will force him not to contact ex-wife.
  • Ask unnecessary questions. Questions like “Where exactly are you going?” " or " Than I worse than her? "will not have any effect. Such conversations require a different time and place, so you won’t be able to get a clear answer.
  • Call and bother. This is very bad practice. When a woman constantly calls and starts to sort things out, writes messages with threats and insults, she has no chance of getting along with her. ex-husband even relatively normal relationships.
  • To take revenge. You should not take revenge on either your husband or your mistress. Negative actions will not lead to anything good. This applies to both moral and material aspects. Study legal proceedings- the prospect is not very optimistic.
  • Sink into depression. This condition is a serious illness. If you allow yourself to fall into it, you can get consequences in the form of health problems. If you lack the strength to cope with the situation, you must urgently contact a psychologist.
  • Telling nasty things. The “revelations” that she begins to share with relatives and friends can play a negative role with the ex-wife. Whether they are true or not does not matter. This information is purely personal, so you should not distribute it. In case of husband's return strangers they will treat both him and the woman herself with disrespect.
  • Look for an urgent replacement. You shouldn’t rush things by rushing to find another man and causing feelings of jealousy in your husband. The spouse will not be jealous because he has already made his choice. New partner wife will not be able to immediately replace those long happy years marriage, and the condition will be aggravated by shame and disgust.
  • Lose . You can come up with many ways to harm an unfaithful husband, but each of them will lead to the wife losing respect in the eyes of the man. When everything calms down, the wife will be very ashamed of her behavior and sorry that she was not able to pull herself together and get out of the situation with dignity.

  The best advice to give a woman is philosophical attitude to the problem. After all, no one died or became seriously ill (if she herself does not bring herself to such a state). Discord in relationships is typical situation for 90% of families.

  Men are polygamous by nature, so there is no need to dramatize what is happening. That's how fate turned out this period, tomorrow everything will change dramatically for the better. To survive this situation, you need to take into account following tips and recommendations:

  • Listen more than talk. If a woman simply remains silent (doesn’t scream, don’t blame, etc.). this will discourage a man. He has made a decision and is waiting for confirmation that he is right, since no one will live with a brawler and a hysterical woman. Silent behavior without reproach will cause feelings of guilt, pity and respect for a woman who, in such a difficult moment, managed to maintain her self-esteem.
  • Give a man freedom of choice. By saving your marriage at any cost, you can cause yourself additional troubles. You can keep someone by force or using blackmail certain time, then everything will happen again or get worse. The husband will look for a replacement at the first opportunity, and the wife will remember the betrayal and be tormented by suspicions. This situation will be the result of the woman's choice. If you let a man decide everything, you can safely rely on fate, since everything happens only for the better.
  • Realize your uniqueness. You shouldn’t blame yourself and deliberately admit defeat to your opponent. Men's thinking is on a plane that is inaccessible to women's understanding. Husbands leave beautiful and smart women, so this episode must be experienced. The wife should be reassured by the fact that she did not act meanly by taking away someone else’s husband. This is her undoubted superiority over her mistress. Sooner or later a man will appreciate it.
  • Maintain relationships. It is recommended to forget about all grievances and support with your husband a good relationship. Don't constantly call and tell them how hard life is alone. It is necessary to abstract from the past and communicate in common topics. This may concern problems of children, relatives, and mutual friends. The smart thing to do is to talk about everyday problems, which the spouse can easily solve. Don’t be afraid to touch on topics that are of interest to both parties - paperwork or property issues. It is better to resolve everything peacefully, without resorting to the help of special authorities.
  • Do not invade personal space. You can communicate well and solve issues together, but at the same time know when to stop. Constant requests for help are not acceptable, since the man already has another family (even if temporary), and he is not obliged to fulfill the previous functions of a husband and assistant. Rare tactful appeals will be pleasant to him, as he will feel love and respect for himself and will be able to partially atone for the pain caused to loved ones.
  • Engage in self-development. You should start with changing your image. A new hairstyle and wardrobe, as well as a review of behavior will only be beneficial. You can update the interior, at a minimum, by rearranging the furniture or changing the color of the walls. Ideal option will change his place of residence by moving temporarily. New hobbies, sports and self-education, constant employment and a busy schedule will leave no time for sad thoughts.
  • To communicate with people. You should not withdraw into yourself and strive for loneliness. A good environment will help you cope with melancholy faster. If there are people with whom you can share your experience and hear wise advice, it’s worth contacting them. An unmarried girlfriend can make up great company for going to the theater, cafe, exhibition or concert. If there are no such people nearby, you should consult a psychologist. He will tell you how to behave further so as not to cause harm to your health.
  • Pay more attention to children. If you have children, you need to take care of their moral peace. There is no point in going into the details of the separation; it will suffice to say that mom and dad will live separately for some period. Over time, children will get used to this situation and will begin to perceive further events calmly. The only condition should be the emotional balance of the mother. Parents' problems can have a detrimental effect on the psyche of children and lead to undesirable consequences.
  • Don't wait to return ex-lover. It is necessary to continue to live full life, forgetting about the possibility of her husband returning back. This situation involves letting everything take its course, since the woman is not able to speed up events. If we abstract from constant waiting- gifts of fate are guaranteed. Usually good things in life happen unexpectedly. This can be either the return of a beloved man or a new good acquaintance. You shouldn’t be constantly interested in events from present life ex-spouse with the help of mutual friends or relatives. This will please his pride, and loving woman cause pain and sadness.
  • Love yourself. This is the most important rule that cannot be ignored. You need to do exactly what you want, it will allow you to calm down. It is not recommended to artificially cause yourself pain by remembering only best moments life together or looking through old photographs. Every family has its own problems, but if a man was able to do this, he should not be idealized. Even if the woman was to blame, it was necessary to break up first, and then seek solace in other relationships. This is why women should not dramatize the situation and live their whole lives for a man. It is necessary to take into account this case as a misunderstanding that will soon pass. Any woman has the right to choose a new partner to create harmonious family. A woman should definitely take advantage of this, since her man has already done it.