On vacation without your wife or husband. Separate holidays - for or against

Deciding where to go is easier. It is enough to calculate the budget, and two dozen options will be eliminated by themselves. Who should you go on a trip with? This is an issue that sooner or later appears on the agenda of all married couples. Admire sunsets on the ocean shore, conquer mountain peaks, explore the sights of the globe as a family, or take a “vacation” and married life, having rested without the other half?

Couples whose passports have recently been adorned with a marriage registration stamp, as a rule, do not even think about going to a resort separately. Young families “follow” the instructions given at the registry office, so “in sorrow and in joy...” they relax together. If you have more than one year behind you family life, and in addition to it a list of accumulated claims, then some spouses prefer to take a break from each other.

Lena and Igor: rested and... strangers.

Three years of meetings under the moon and nine years with a stamp in the passport. During this time, Igor and Lena became happy parents two kids. The head of the family worked actively, and the other half kept the home. While on maternity leave, the woman also earned a penny from her labor by selling cosmetics. For the first few years of family life, the couple did not think about going abroad on vacation - funds did not allow it. Over time, Igor’s affairs went uphill and the family went to the resort. Having traveled around the country for a year, young parents reached an international level of recreation. Türkiye, Egypt, Tunisia, Cyprus, Thailand... Everywhere together.

No conflicts. Everything is quiet, calm... Like at home. This “just like home” thing is what I’m tired of. The decision to take a break apart came naturally. We chose the place ourselves. She – Greece, he – Thailand. Leaving the children with their grandmothers, the husband and wife scattered different sides. After 10 days, with a difference of several hours, the couple landed on their native soil.

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History is silent about how the other halves rested away from each other, but the situation in the family changed dramatically. Igor began to stay late at work and often ignore phone calls and get irritated.

Why are you controlling me? - he shouted in anger at his once beloved wife, in Once again returning home after midnight. Perplexed Elena tried to talk to her husband. One of these attempts ended in scandal. The head of the family packed his things and left. Soon the couple divorced.

As it turned out later, on that ill-fated vacation the man had a blast. At home, the foreign macho continued his knowledge of the opposite sex.

Today Igor is alone. Despite rare meetings with his sons, the man regularly transfers money for their maintenance. Elena let go of the situation. Just recently appeared in her life new man and now she lives in pleasant anticipation of a marriage proposal.

Peter and Natalya: free and... happy.

At a celebration on the occasion wooden wedding The Lyubenko spouses hardly smiled at their guests. They had difficulty hiding their mutual irritation. We have five years of family life behind us and a lot of complaints against each other. In appearance perfect family: together all the time, but in fact two completely strangers and embittered people. Joint trips on vacation, as a rule, ended in scandal. A silent road home and thoughts about another ruined weekend.

Things were getting close to divorce when Natalya got a free trip to Turkey. A friend offered to join her. The trip for two was paid for by her friend’s boyfriend. The generous groom was not released from work, and it was necessary to find a “fellow traveler.” Hearing about this, Peter was indignant: they say, it’s not good to go to resorts married ladies travel alone. And after thinking about it, I decided to make a retaliatory move - I bought a week-long tour to Georgia. Natalya approved the trip.

Who would have thought, but the life of the separately rested spouses sparkled with new colors.

We had topics for conversation, we, as in our youth, shared our impressions with each other,” says an inspired Natalya.

Two years have passed since then. The couple is still planning a joint vacation, but now the thought of relaxing separately does not frighten them, but rather attracts them. At the same time, according to the husband and wife, they did not commit anything “criminal” on the trip. Natalya admits that during her vacation abroad, men repeatedly flirted with her.

It's nice when people pay attention to you and give you compliments. It seems to me that my self-esteem has even increased,” the woman shared.

Peter also said that during his vacation he did not avoid the opposite sex, but communication was limited light flirting. The traveler even went to a striptease and willingly shared his impressions with his wife.

This became a kind of detente in our relationship,” says the man.

The couple is planning a joint vacation in the near future and is already choosing a place to go. In this case, the wishes of both spouses are taken into account.

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Expert opinion

The main disadvantage of holidays apart is, first of all, the lack emotional contact between spouses. A man and a woman can exist as parents, but not as partners and like-minded people, explains Elena Shamova. - The absence of such contact is what leads to holiday romances, since a person seeks mutual understanding “on the side.” This often applies to men, especially if they have not seen their wife for more than two weeks. If he or she still insists on a separate holiday, the question arises: why don’t they want to be together? Apparently, there has been no warmth in the relationship for a long time. After a vacation alone, it is these couples who often find themselves on the verge of divorce because they are faced with the problem head-on. The painful things spill out, and mutual claims only get worse.

According to the psychologist, constant rest without the other half can sooner or later lead to a sad ending. If a husband and wife cannot relax together, then it begs the question, what connects these two people in the first place? Such a relationship can be called a union of tolerance and harmony in in this case out of the question. An exception is guest marriages, where family members live their own lives.

If the views and preferences of a husband and wife on vacation are radically different, then there is nothing wrong with spending a few days away from each other. Let's say he's on a fishing trip, she's on a shopping tour. The main thing is that spending time together It was a joy for the spouses.

Constant separate rest is not a way to cure family relationships. In this way, they can only be temporarily revived, but this will not solve all problems.

The advantages of independent trips to a resort are seen only in the case when they do not replace a joint vacation, but simply dilute it.

Would you like to relax separately from your husband?

Separate holidays: who needs it?

Separate holidays: who needs it? Vacation is a time that we dream of spending with maximum pleasure. What to do if your views on vacation as a couple do not coincide? Should we adapt to each other or is it better to spend our holidays separately?

There are couples who are always and everywhere together, be it a football match or opening a cosmetic boutique. But there are also those who celebrate separately without any problems New Year(he conquers the Alps, she goes shopping in Rome) and spends long-awaited vacation in different places (he is fishing in his childhood village, she is with a friend in search of cultural treasures).

A break from each other?

However, an offer to spend a vacation separately is often seen as a veiled message from a partner: “I’m tired of the relationship, I want freedom.” In fact, this is not always the case. If people spend a sufficient amount of time with each other during the year, then a separate vacation can be seen as just an opportunity to relax without problems. No one will demand to go to the museum in the midst of happy beach idleness, will not disturb the morning sleep, will not cause a scandal.
There is also such a thing as different areas interests. In this case, everyone goes where they feel most comfortable. In addition, the timing of your vacations may simply not coincide, but this is not a reason to refuse them.

Separately or apart: opinion

Olga, 29 years old:“I don’t understand “separate philosophy.” It seems to me that because of work, everyone spends very little time with their family. That’s why it seems abnormal to me to be traveling while on vacation. Why then live together at all? My husband and I are always looking for a compromise solution for our vacation. And it has never let us down yet.”

Separate rest as a principle of life

There are couples for whom a separate vacation is one of the fundamental principles life together. As a rule, they also promote greater freedom in marriage than is traditionally accepted. Among such couples there are both young experimenters and couples with considerable experience who are really tired of each other and of living together.
If a separate vacation is the result of an agreement reached and has been practiced for several years, then it does not pose a particular danger to a stable relationship.

Separately or apart: opinions

Varvara, 33 years old:“At the very beginning of our marriage, my husband and I agreed that we would not infringe on each other’s interests. That's why we for a long time(almost five years) we vacationed separately. But since we had children, we vacation as a family. And we go where it will be more comfortable for them, not for us.”
Maxim, 28 years old:“I don’t see a problem in resting separately. But my girlfriend and I don't do this all the time. And we don’t have any strict agreements. It’s just that if she wants to go on vacation with her friends, I don’t bother them. And if I have a free week, I don’t demand that she go diving with me.”

Run away from problems

But if a relationship is in crisis and people view vacations separately as a way to escape from problems, then most likely they will return to them. Two weeks of separation will not transform a careless slacker into a serious worker, or a stubborn and self-willed person into the ideal of patriarchal life. All unresolved issues(what to spend money on, how often to visit your mother, when to have a child, etc.) will remain the same.
However, a separate vacation can help if there are two “explosive” people in a couple and (or) the conflict is superficial emotional character, then time and distance will give partners the opportunity to look at the situation from a different perspective.

Separately or apart: opinions

Oleg, 38 years old:“Over fifteen years of marriage, my wife and I have accumulated so many claims against each other... And we decided to take a time out in the form of a separate vacation. For the first time in our lives, we separated for such a long period of time - two weeks. But this was enough for us to understand: it’s time to get a divorce.”
Alina, 27 years old:“Even before marriage, my husband and I had a crisis in our relationship. There were a lot of emotions... The question was acute: either accept each other as we are, or break up. We decided to separate for a while: I wandered through the European streets, he rode in the mountains. Both he and I had a holiday romance. But after returning we met, talked for a long time and decided that we should be together.”

Pros and cons of separate holidays

• Advantages of a separate vacation:
• the opportunity to miss each other;
• acquisition of fresh topics for conversation;
• a chance to take a fresh look at relationships;
• vacation in comfortable conditions.
• Disadvantages of separate leave:
• inability to divide vivid impressions with a loved one and enjoy “holiday” sex;
• the likelihood of cheating on vacation is higher than in the hustle and bustle of everyday work;
• Separate holidays can also lead to unexpected cooling in relationships.

What can be negotiated

Yaroslav Kolpakov, clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences:“When deciding on a separate vacation, it is important to weigh the pros and cons of such an event. It is better to do this in dialogue with your partner to avoid possible suspicions. For clarity, you can write down the pros and cons on paper, and then discuss it.”
You can also agree on the fundamental points for each in the behavior of the other before leaving. For example, contact certain time, share photos (and videos) throughout the day, etc.

Life after separation

Life after separation also has its nuances. People need a certain time to switch to everyday worries. After a vacation, changes in the partner’s behavior that are incomprehensible (or even unpleasant) for the other may arise. Therefore, when meeting after a separate vacation, you need to give your friend the opportunity to adapt.
Yaroslav Kolpakov, clinical psychologist, candidate of medical sciences: “It will be important for both partners to exchange impressions about the past vacation, but you should not put pressure on each other (“Come on, tell me quickly!”). You can return to the discussion of the pros and cons that you identified before the vacation: did they coincide with reality? The exchange of emotions from the period of separation is also of great value.”

Russian sociologists have published survey data on the ideal vacation
(for 2011). “Family” vacation was preferred by 42% of men and 38% of women;
50% of respondents thought that “sometimes you can take a break from each other”
and 8% chose to go on holiday alone. For a separate holiday
People over 45 years of age voted most often.

Compromise for two

After a separate vacation, as well as after any long separation, it is important to gradually return to the usual rhythm of life, to realize that you are together again, which means that the laws of a couple begin to apply. The choice of your preferred form of relaxation is in any case yours. The main thing is to take into account each other’s interests and preserve feelings.

Expert: Galina Filippova, general practitioner, candidate of medical sciences
Yulia Prokhorova

Photos used in this material belong to shutterstock.com

Every person needs rest, no matter what that person does. Academicians, road workers, directors of enterprises, accountants, and plumbers should all rest.

Medical statistics claim that about a quarter of workers have any health problems due to lack or insufficient vacation, and these problems can turn out to be very serious due to a noticeable decrease in the level of immunity, as well as sleep disturbances and even the proper functioning of different organs and systems of the body. People who do not take a full vacation complain of absent-mindedness, forgetfulness, their performance decreases, outbreaks of aggression may occur (although in such cases it is more often unintentional), depressive state or apathy.

Of course, the need for vacations is due to completely pragmatic considerations: labor productivity is higher for those workers who get the opportunity to fully relax, and work without vacations becomes ineffective and ineffective. But man does not live by work alone! There is also a family!

However, the results of sociological research confirm that the lack of vacation and accumulated fatigue are not beneficial not only for work, but also for the family: the number of mutual grievances increases, irritation that is taken out on family members increases, family quarrels become more frequent...

It looks like there's no vacation to modern man there's no way around it. But vacation also raises many questions, and the first of them is whether the whole family should vacation.

How do you understand the word “vacation”?

In fact, no one argues about the need for vacation and rest. But here’s what vacation is and how this word is understood different people? Of course, leaves can be different: annual, educational (to pass a test), child care, creative; Some of these vacations are paid, and some are not...

But usually, when it comes to vacation, they mean annual holidays, which are provided at work. And in order for the vacation to be truly fulfilling and give new strength, it is very important how a full-fledged vacation and, accordingly, rest is presented.

There are several common beliefs about vacations today (not the people who top Forbes lists).

1. Country house. On the first day of your vacation, go to the dacha (to the village to visit relatives), because there, firstly, you can breathe fresh air, admire nature, and secondly, during your vacation you can weed the garden and hill up the potatoes or harvest if your vacation is in the fall. In the summer you can make jam, preserve cucumbers and tomatoes, as well as any vegetables that you can stuff into a jar. It’s hot outside, it’s just hell in the kitchen, your hands are no longer able to turn over hot cans... But only such a vacation can be considered useful for the family - supplies have never bothered anyone. If your back hurts, you can go to the doctor after your vacation.
2. Dacha-2. Prepare fishing rods, floats, fishing line and all other fishing accessories in advance, and then you can spend your entire vacation on the shore of the lake, where excellent crucian carp (carp, pike, roach, crayfish, tadpoles) are caught. Silence, morning freshness, the opportunity not to shave for at least two weeks in a row... Again, go fishing in the morning, and then you can sleep as long as you want... So what? Legal vacation! The main thing is to sneak away to freedom and live on your own.
3. Repair. Finally, you can do normal repairs without paying extra money for something you can do yourself. On vacation you can easily go to construction market and go to hardware stores, choose wallpaper, paint, laminate, baseboards, faucets, hoses and what else you need. On vacation, you can change the plumbing, re-stick the wallpaper, build a closet, and even finally clean the kitchen hood. And there will still be time to just lie in front of the TV, even if you never get around to touching the wallpaper, and the hood remains unwashed... Although sometimes the repairs still begin, and even reach some logical conclusion.
4. Sea. Many doctors say that a holiday at sea can be considered the most useful, since here there is sun, air saturated with iodine ions, and the opportunity to get natural tan, and reading on the beach, and just a reason to update yourself with a couple of new swimsuits and eat fruit to your heart’s content.
5. More-2. The sea is super! Where else can you scuba dive and admire the underwater fabulous beauty? Where else will you go surfing? Waves, wind, salty splashes in the face, pleasant fatigue throughout the body... A dream, not a vacation!
6. Mountains and Mountains-2. You can also go somewhere to the mountains and breathe in the unusually healing mountain air. But for some, a vacation in the mountains is a number in good sanatorium or a holiday home, where there are parquet floors and mirrors everywhere, where excellent chefs will prepare any dish, where there is a swimming pool, a solarium, massage, and full complex SPA services, and for others it’s a tent and sleeping bags, a pot and an iron mug, mosquito control and kilometers walked on rocks in a day...

In exactly the same way, that is, in completely different ways, different people understand and perceive any vacation. And this is where you need to ask the question whether to relax together. After all, it’s one thing if the spouses perceive the holiday in the same way, and quite another if even with the word “sea” the imagination draws completely different pictures.

Of course, one spouse can calmly lie on the sand and catch with his whole body Sun rays, achieving perfect tan, while the other can scuba dive or glide through the waves. But is this how a joint vacation was supposed to be?

The same applies to mountains, forests, and rivers - recreation can be active or completely passive, and even having arrived, for example, in Cyprus or Greece, one person will want to sunbathe, sleep, eat, lazily leaf through magazines or an easy detective story while sitting in a sun lounger and sipping ice-cold juice through a straw, while another will be interested in exploring all the sights in the area, all the ruins, all the museums, all the monasteries and temples.

There is one more feature that should not be forgotten: some people immediately strive to find company - to swim together, walk around the city or in the forest, chat, jump at a disco; others want to be alone and in silence, to be silent and really take a break from the hustle and bustle. What if these preferences do not coincide in the family?

Psychologists' opinion

Of course, both joint and separate holidays for spouses have their advantages and disadvantages.

Of course, if your views on vacation completely coincide, then there is nothing special to discuss - of course, in this case you only need to relax together. In this way, spouses will be able to gain common experience, common impressions, will be able to share their emotions and observations and will be able to understand each other even better.

But even if in Prague, Riga or Paris, one wants to wander through the old streets, admire cathedrals, museums, and sightseeing, while the other is much more interested in shopping, and not in search of a specific thing, but simply walking around the shops and stalls , then there will be no mutual understanding, no rest, but only mutual claims and grievances.

Psychologists say that a joint vacation, especially if we are not talking about the usual gardening, can reveal some previously unknown traits of the other half, which can become a real discovery, even if the marriage goes back several decades. Moreover, the discovery can be either very encouraging or extremely disappointing. Sometimes a joint vacation can strengthen family relationships, even if these relationships are slightly shaken, and sometimes it is a joint “vacation” that makes some problems unbearable and exacerbates conflicts and contradictions.

According to psychologists, there is no point in going on vacation together if the spouses have completely different ideas about vacation, absolutely different goals and plans. In this case, the entire vacation will consist of showdowns, mutual reproaches, insults, and even insults. Is this the kind of vacation you dreamed of? However, if views on perfect holiday spouses completely coincide, then, without a doubt, common impressions, new meetings, new emotions will make the relationship even brighter and stronger.

The danger of betrayal when vacationing separately from your “other half”

Sometimes, when considering the possibility of a vacation without a husband or without a wife, a completely “brilliant” and extremely “original” idea comes into my head that as soon as the other half is left without proper supervision, she (he) will immediately go into all serious troubles and what to avoid cheating in such a situation is very difficult...

Well, unfortunately, no one is immune from betrayal, but it becomes possible not when the spouse goes alone to the sea or to the mountains, but when there is no mutual understanding, respect, love in the family, mutual interest. Tell me, does cheating only happen during vacation? It’s scary to go on vacation, but is it okay to go on a business trip for the same two weeks?

But if a person is capable of treason, then a vacation is absolutely not needed for this: you never know if there are enough opportunities for this in Everyday life, especially in big city... Why is it scary to let your husband go to the mountains alone, but not to go to work? After all, the husband will go to the mountains with the same lovers as himself, but “in the office, beauties of any height, weight and age are constantly fluttering and twirling around, who try to use every free minute to steal someone else’s man”... Ugh, abyss ! After all, any adequate and self-sufficient woman understands that this is nonsense, just like any normal man.

About personal space and time

It has long been known that people of any age and social status you just need some personal space and personal time. This need is different for each person, but everyone has it. And every person needs to sometimes be alone - just be alone, not answer anyone’s questions, not react to any exclamations, not take into account anyone’s opinion. Everyone sometimes needs to think about something, rethink something, be silent about something.

Today in medicine the so-called emotional burnout syndrome is known, which was first announced by the American psychiatrist Herbert Freudenberger in 1974.

It is known that emotional burnout syndrome is expressed in emotional exhaustion, which is growing and intensifying all the time, and if adequate measures are not taken in time, it is very likely that, due to serious personal changes, a person simply will not be able to communicate normally with others, and with anyone, including relatives , friends, colleagues. And in order to get rid of this syndrome, which can pose a very serious danger, you need complete rest and peace, including the opportunity to be alone.

Doctors report that most often people who suffer from burnout syndrome are those who, due to their occupation, are forced to constantly communicate with others, so it is precisely these people who are in especially dire need of personal time and space. But isn’t it precisely vacation that provides them with such an opportunity?

Probably, many remember M. Kotsyubinsky’s short story “Intermezzo”, which was written in 1908 - more than half a century before the term “ emotional burnout" However, it is in this short story that one can see how necessary both personal space and personal time can be for a person, especially if the fatigue from everything that happens around and from any communication becomes so enormous that even life practically stops...

So sometimes it can happen that a holiday alone is very effective way restore strength and return to full activities, including work. Does your significant other work as a doctor, teacher, consultant, manager? Then it is very likely that this person simply needs a week or two alone. There is no doubt that there can be no question of any holiday romances, since a person really strives to be alone.

A few more holiday notes

• By the way, some married couples come to the conclusion that it is best to divide the vacation into two parts and spend one together and the other separately from each other.
• Psychologists say that if quarrels and misunderstandings are very likely during a vacation, then in this case it is better to rest separately so as not to provoke unnecessary conflicts and not spoil each other’s nerves and rest.
• Sometimes a joint vacation for married couple simply necessary to refresh your senses and be truly alone.
• Taking a vacation together is an excellent solution if the spouses have the same views, hobbies and interests.
• If your vacation time doesn't match and you can't go on vacation together, don't make a problem out of it. But not in all cases the best solution will stay at home and refuse any independent travel or travel.
• When returning from a vacation that you had to spend without your significant other, you should always notify in advance of your arrival. Detective stories with unexpected returns, as a rule, do not lead to anything good, even if there is no question of betrayal.
• Even if you have to relax without your other half, there are mobile communications, the Internet, and Email which should not be forgotten.
• Very often the problem shared vacation is decided after studying the vacation schedule, which does not always coincide. Therefore, any decisions should be made only after the vacation schedule is finally known, and there is no point in holding discussions in advance.
• Psychologists strongly advise against going on vacation yourself if your significant other is categorically against it. Such a decision will be the beginning of a conflict, the outcome of which is difficult to predict.
• If there is a child in the family, then you need to relax either all together, or alone with your spouse, if it is possible to leave the child with grandparents.
• If a joint vacation is planned to save the family, then you need to be aware that such a vacation can simply be agony and is unlikely to save anything. However, trying to save a family may deserve respect.

conclusions

Most people look forward to their next vacation with trepidation and hope. Someone hopes to lie on their favorite sofa and read all the new detective stories, someone plans to change the windows in their apartment, someone is attracted by Venice or Lviv, and someone likes the Shatsk Lakes... And on vacation you can knit three sweaters and three pairs of socks for the winter, learn how to bake a very complex honey cake, get a kitten and train it to use the litter tray within a month...

Sometimes the vacation goes somehow ingloriously and stupidly and even with former classmates I can't see each other at the annual meeting. But in any case, you still need a vacation, even if you can’t go anywhere. After all, there are parks, forests, meadows everywhere, there is a river or lake, there are friends and relatives...

Do you want to just lie around while on vacation? So you can afford it. Do you want to dive? Why not! It’s just very important that the vacation truly becomes a vacation, and for good rest many people often need the closest people nearby.

A vacation with your husband is wonderful because you will be able to discuss a lot, talk about a lot, and see a lot. Vacation alone? Well, if this is the case, then won’t you find something to do with yourself? The most important thing is that your vacation is filled with positivity, new emotions and impressions, and gives you strength and desire to move forward.

Photo from the site www.domashniy.ru

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Vacation is a time that everyone dreams of spending with maximum pleasure. What to do if your views on vacation as a couple do not coincide? Is it worth adjusting to each other or is it better to spend it separately? Let's find out from a psychologist.

Larisa GUMILEVA, psychologist

When deciding on a separate holiday, it is important to weigh the pros and cons. It is better to do this in dialogue with a partner. A proposal put forward by either of the couple to spend a vacation separately can be considered only as an opportunity to relax without problems - after all, no one will demand to go to the museum in the midst of happy beach idleness, will not disturb morning sleep, will not cause a scandal and will not say in their hearts: “Mulya, no make me nervous..."!

The advantages of a separate vacation are the opportunity to miss each other; acquisition of fresh topics for conversation; a chance to take a fresh look at relationships; vacation in comfortable conditions.

The disadvantages of a separate vacation are the inability to share vivid impressions with a loved one and enjoy freedom from everyday work together; the likelihood of cheating on vacation is higher; Separate holidays can also lead to unexpected cooling in relationships.

And therefore, separate rest is a kind of indicator. If the husband and wife understand and accept each other's interests, then it will go well. If the departure of one of the spouses causes mistrust and resentment, then claims and quarrels are inevitable. And then isn’t it better to figure out why there was a desire to rest separately? Yes, vacationing apart can lead to a holiday romance and even a breakup. Or, on the contrary, it will strengthen the family and force you to reconsider relationships.

Separately or apart? Opinions:

- “I don’t understand the “separate philosophy”; because of work, everyone spends very little time with their family. Therefore, it seems abnormal to me to be separated on vacation. Why then live together at all? My husband and I are always looking for a compromise solution for vacation And it has never let us down."

- “At the very beginning of our marriage, my husband and I agreed that we would not infringe on each other’s interests. That is why we vacationed separately for a long time (almost five years). But since we had children, we vacation as a family. And We’re going where it’s more comfortable for them, not for us.”

- “Even before marriage, my husband and I had a crisis in our relationship. There were a lot of emotions... The question was acute: either accept each other as we are, or break up. We decided to separate for a while: I wandered through the European streets, he rode in the mountains. Both he and I had a holiday romance, but after returning we met, talked for a long time and decided that we should be together.”

- “I don’t see a problem in vacationing separately. But my girlfriend and I don’t practice this all the time. And we don’t have strict agreements. It’s just that if she wants to go on vacation with her friends, I don’t bother them. And if I have a If she has a free week, I don’t require her to go fishing with me.”

- “Over fifteen years of marriage, my wife and I have accumulated so many complaints against each other... And we decided to take a time out in the form of a separate vacation. For the first time in our lives, we separated for such a long period of time - two weeks. But this was enough for us to understand: it’s time to get a divorce.”

- “I know how a separation vacation works and how it can end. My first marriage broke up precisely because of such a vacation. After my husband returned from the vacation he spent with his friend, I was treated for a year. They had a great vacation there ! And although ex-husband He assured me that this only happened once, and I couldn’t stay with him.”

If a relationship is in crisis and people view vacations separately as a way to escape from problems, then they are more likely to return to them. Two weeks of separation will not transform a careless slacker into a serious worker, or a stubborn and self-willed person into the ideal of patriarchal life. All unresolved issues (what to spend money on, how often to visit your mother, when to have a child, etc.) will remain the same.

However, a separate vacation can help if there are two “explosive” people in a couple and (or) the conflict is of a superficial emotional nature, then time and distance will give the partners the opportunity to look at the situation from the other side.

There are couples for whom a separate vacation is one of the fundamental principles of living together. As a rule, they also promote greater freedom in marriage than is traditionally accepted. Among such couples there are both young experimenters and couples with considerable experience who are really tired of each other and of living together.

But there is also such an important aspect as life after a separate vacation, and it has its own nuances. People need a certain time to switch to everyday worries, to go through changes that are incomprehensible (or even unpleasant) for others. Therefore, when meeting after a separate vacation, you need to give your friend the opportunity to adapt.

And it is important to return to the discussion of the pros and cons that you identified before the vacation: did they coincide with reality?

For each couple, the question of “how to relax” is decided individually; the spouses try to agree on this in advance before the trip. It is impossible to say with certainty whether a separate holiday has a beneficial effect on family relationships or not. After all, every relationship is individual. For some couples, the very idea of ​​a separate vacation is not acceptable, while others practice this type of vacation every year.

If the opinion of one of the spouses is in favor of a separate holiday with a secret thought holiday romance, then no matter how much the other half is against it, citing numerous arguments, it is unlikely that this will change the purchase of one ticket to the resort. Such situations are not uncommon and in most cases the initiative comes from men. The process of deciding on the type of vacation develops into a series of reproaches, insults and scandals. Unfortunately, it is difficult to convince a person who has decided to combine a vacation with a couple of novels; you can either accept him as he is, or a separate vacation will entail separate living.

But if a married couple does not even think about having affairs on the side, but in fact just wants to relax separately, then such a pastime can add spice to established traditions. After 10-14 days of separate holidays, the couple manages to get bored; when they meet, they share positive emotions, photographs, impressions of excursions and other joys of vacation. But this option is only good if both spouses approve of a separate style of relaxation. Relationships built on trust will not deteriorate and fall apart if each of the partners does not feel resentment, envy and loneliness, but only rejoices for their loved one. Great option for such couples to go on vacation at the same time different places. She dreams of lying on the beach, and he is interested in climbing mountains, which is not a reason not to burden yourself with a trip together, infringing on someone else’s desires, but to enjoy it as much as possible free time, spending it usefully and recharging yourself with energy until your next vacation. Many married couples vacation separately and this only makes their family relationships stronger.

If one of the spouses is categorically against this type of vacation, then a compromise is necessary in this situation. The reasons for not accepting separate holidays can be very diverse. Vacation times do not always coincide and it is impossible to combine a trip, and those who are forced to work fall into the selfish position of “either with me or nowhere.” Of course, such an ultimatum is not encouraged and will only harm the relationship. You shouldn’t be so selfish in demanding that your partner give up vacations; every person needs rest and this should be understood. Trust your loved one and he will answer you in kind when the time comes for your vacation.

Another reason for non-consent may be quite justified, for example, when a woman is in maternity leave with a child, and the man wants to relax no matter what, and if it doesn’t work out for everyone together, then he leaves alone. You can understand your husband’s motives, fatigue accumulates, you want to escape the cycle of diapers and sleepless nights, but such self-pity is extremely selfish. The woman also gets tired and also dreams of relaxing, resentment and a feeling of loneliness lurk in her soul, and the fatigue will only intensify, because now she will have to cope alone while her beloved is on vacation. In such a situation, it is better to give up your desires and try to soberly weigh the pros and cons. The vacation is repeated every year, and raising a child is only once; in a year, the baby will already be older, and everyone can have a great time on vacation together. Of course, if the wife is not at all against her husband’s rest, lets him go with a light heart, and at this time can invite her mother to stay, then this perfect option, in which everyone will be happy.

But what if the vacation coincides and the spouses want to vacation exclusively together, but cannot agree on the trip route due to different presentation about rest. Often the wife prefers a calm beach holiday, shopping and a few excursions, and my husband dreams of diving, conquering several mountain peaks or kayaking. Fortunately, the modern travel industry offers options for shared vacations with shared interests. Best option for couples, eliminating quarrels and disagreements. Spouses travel together, live in the same room, but day programs compiled individually, designed for separate pastimes. A joint-separate vacation is an ideal opportunity to relax together without restricting each other, the couple does not have reasons for scandals and the relationship only gets stronger.

To summarize, it is worth noting that when planning a vacation, try to find a compromise, that is, the chosen option should suit both, then nothing will overshadow either the vacation or a stable family life.