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"Emotional Divorce": Couples Therapy. The main reasons for divorce

According to statistics every year more and more couples officially dissolve the marriage, sometimes without even explaining the reasons for what is happening. The family is warm and tender relationship to which both spouses contribute. If a husband or wife has ceased to “warm up” their hearth, then this provokes conflicts. Why do people get divorced, make marriage invalid, what factors influence the decision? What are the reasons for divorce? The question is not easy, however, specialists in marital relationships have been able to identify the root causes of such behavior.

Why marital unions break up

Why do people get divorced - this question has always interested psychologists. In fact, there are a lot of factors that can contribute to this. It is very difficult to identify the main reason for divorce for certain couples, because no one knows about their relationship in private. The last straw before a quarrel can be an ordinary household or other trifle, abortion.

Reasons for divorce:

Violence. This category includes not only physical impact, but also psychological conflicts. It offends not only men, but also women.
Bad habits. If men and women have bad habits, like excessive use of alcohol or drugs - this can lead to discord in the union, such signs are quite weighty. In fact, according to statistics, this situation is the most frequent and offensive reason many divorces. When the other half drinks, it is very difficult to do something about it.
Betrayal. Often couples experience a feeling of fatigue towards each other after a few years of life. Then treason will serve as a basis for dissolution of marriage. Man is designed in such a way that he constantly needs new emotions. If there is boredom in the house, he will try to diversify it.
There are no shared interests. The other most common reason why conflicts arise is because of different views on the world, different hobbies. Couples should have at least, one thing that they do together.
As grounds for divorce of people with different characters also serves as unwillingness to adulthood one of the lovers. For example, a child is born in a family, and one of the parents is simply not ready to raise him. Then the marriage breaks up.
misunderstandings and conflicts. Often when the union breaks up former lovers They say they don't get along. The main reasons for the divorce of today's youth lie in a hurry. A girl and a guy sign in the registry office at the age of 20, not knowing each other well, only then they begin to figure it out negative qualities. Such reasons for marital divorce are not uncommon.
intimate life. At the age of 20, intimate life is in full swing, but after marriage, for some reason, everything changes. The body of men and women needs sexual intercourse, whether one of them wants it or not. In the event that there is no sexual intercourse, this offends both men and women.
social status. Most couples fight and divorce because they have different social status. For example, men are very offended when a woman earns more, when she is more successful in her endeavors.
Problems. Sometimes couples have problems they can't handle and get divorced. This happens after death. loved one or after an abortion. A person is experiencing a severe emotional breakdown, if the beloved does not support, then trust in him will dry up. For example, the condition of a woman after an abortion cannot be described in words, especially if she is 20–25 years old. She wants a child, but her significant other does not - this is a reason for divorce. beautiful half humanity is very offended when it is not understood, especially after an abortion.

different character

The reasons why marriages break up are now known. It remains only to get acquainted with the main ones in more detail. As it turned out, the most common reasons for divorce are the difference in characters. There are three groups of spouses who terminate the union for this reason. Consider what offends each of these groups.

The first group is youth

At the age of 20, hormones are raging among modern youth, they want to get married faster. Somehow they think it's easy and simple. However, it should be understood that marriage is a big responsibility.

After the creation of a family, it begins to turn out that the lovers do not know each other at all, and conflicts arise from this. “They didn’t get along” - that’s what they say when they go to the registry office to sign the termination of the union. They expected an atmosphere of joy and celebration, but got everyday troubles.

At 20, a person is not yet ready for responsibility, so early marriage of couples leads to divorce.

The second group are those who like to "fight against shortcomings"

A simple situation - lovers have been dating for several years, they know all the positive and negative sides each other. For some reason, they believe that after marriage everything will change, that women will be able to change their men. But does the representative of the stronger sex want this?

An individual's character can only change if he chooses to do so. This is a verified fact. “They didn’t agree on the characters” you can’t say about such spouses, rather, this category refers to those who did not live up to their expectations from married life.

You also need to remember that if you fell in love with your chosen one at the age of 20, and decided to get married at 30, think about whether this person is the same or not.

The third group includes those who know each other thoroughly

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Women sometimes believe that if they know their men well, relationships are easy and can be left to chance after marriage. However, if we consider the grounds on which the marriage is declared invalid, indifference will take one of the highest lines in the ranking.

Husband and wife must work on their relationship every day, it is necessary - we interpenetrate. Otherwise, factors will appear that will lead to problems, conflicts and quarrels. The motives for divorce will be found by themselves, the recognition of the union as invalid is something that will not have to wait long.

What happens when couples can't talk to each other

Whether there is a the serious reason, according to which it is possible to formalize the recognition of marriage as invalid? We can say with complete certainty that there is none. All the factors that entail a divorce, people wind up on their own.

The main problems of most couples are that lovers simply do not hear each other and do not want to start a conversation. After that, the official recognition of the union as invalid takes place. If you do not want to think about the reasons for the divorce later, learn not to hold back your emotions. Women often do not like the behavior of men when they scatter their dirty things all over the apartment. The lady is silent for a week, silent for two weeks, a year. Is there a good reason to be silent? Of course not. What happens next?

There is no need to look for reasons for ending a marriage for a long time, one day conflicts will arise in which all the negativity will pour out. A woman can accidentally say rude things, which offends a man very much. These are the grounds for ending a marriage.

Impassable difficulties

Very often, something happens in families that a girl and a guy in their 20s did not expect at all. Is not domestic conflicts and not the problem of "didn't get along," everything can be much more complicated. There are other factors, they provoke problems, which can only be overcome with mutual understanding of the spouses.

What difficulties can couples face?

The need for an abortion. A girl at the age of 20 became pregnant, but her husband is not yet ready for children, maybe with lovers, in this moment there is no way to provide for the child, which is a common case in modern world. In such a situation, the matter may reach an abortion. But it just seems that everything is done so simply. After an abortion, a girl at the age of 20 experiences severe stress and needs the moral support. Maybe this is precisely the reason why you divorced your husband and decided to formalize your union as invalid?
Nobody expects death. Especially we are not ready to let go of loved ones. The consequences of death leave a strong imprint on the heart of men and women. At such moments, the spouses simply need the support of each other.
The recognition of the union as invalid sometimes occurs for the reason that the husband cannot survive the success of his wife. If a woman seeks a promotion at work, but her husband does not, it offends him. The reason for youth divorces, hidden in envy, is one of the most popular.

It does not matter if the family is experiencing the consequences of an abortion or death, or there are other factors that can bring bad luck - spouses should always support each other. The most common causes of divorce are hidden in fear. It can be the fear of death, another abortion, failure in work, anything.

If spouses are ready to support each other in any situation, they will live happily and for a long time. If not, everything leads to one thing - divorce.

Why unions break up, what are the most common reasons for divorce, now it has become clear. It remains only to figure out if there are any factors that can help avoid separation and save the marriage.

If there is a family, then there must be mutual understanding. Do not hold back emotions, do not like something - speak, then the negative will not accumulate. Try to resolve problems peacefully, otherwise the union will be invalid on an emotional level.
It is impossible to allow someone in the family to develop faster than the other, this is especially insulting to a man. Is the business doing well? Involve your soulmate in it, do something together.
The family must have children. You can not bring everything to an abortion.
Talk to each other, be able not only to complain, but also to hear.

Good reasons for speedy divorce and invalidation of the union simply does not exist. Marriage can be saved almost always, the main thing is to want it. It doesn't matter if you're 20 or older, appreciate the family if you decide to build one. Everyone knows why marriages break up and what causes conflicts. You need to be able to smooth them as accurately as possible.

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As the classic said, every family is unhappy in its own way. Nevertheless, sociologists were able to summarize the polls and identify the main causes of divorce and somewhat different motives, or social reasons for ending a marriage.

Most of the couples interviewed admitted that there were other, more specific problems behind the formal phrase "irreconcilable differences" in their divorce.

So, 40% of the survey participants were disappointed in the personal qualities of the partner, 20% could not endure poverty (the majority were women), another 30% blamed the spouse for irresponsible behavior towards the family as a whole. And only a tenth of them called the cooling of feelings the reason for the divorce from their husband.

Which families are at risk

The statistics allocate official divorces one third of all marriages in Russia. In the risk group, oddly enough, in the first place are families in the range from 3 to 6 years of marriage with small children and newborns. Therefore, children, contrary to expectations, do not keep modern spouses together.

In second place were families with an experience of 20-25 years, in which spouses, having raised and raised children, suffer from the "empty nest" syndrome. But the least common cases of divorce in childless families, when the reason for the divorce is the unwillingness of one of the spouses to ever have their own or adopted children.

The risk of divorce is not, in fact, the cause of a couple's divorce and cannot be an accurate indicator, but some factors are suggestive. What if some marriages have poor chances of survival from the start? For example, in many conflict families the guy and the girl had known each other for less than 6 months before the wedding and simply did not have time to get to know each other properly.

Psychologists do not claim that an additional six months for courtship before the wedding would help to identify shortcomings in a future partner and avoid bad marriage. On the contrary, the spouses would get every chance for more successful and long term relationship because they would be mentally prepared for each other's shortcomings.

Disappointment, and often shock, from the discrepancy between dreams and reality very quickly creates a disastrous atmosphere in a young family. Few people are able to withstand the conflict "it was - it became" in the conditions of a barely begun family life.

Another herald of early divorce - selfish attitude one of the spouses, in other words, a marriage of convenience. Moreover, you can count not only on the wealth and influential status of the future husband or wife.

Emotional dependence, for example, of a girl on her older, strong and experienced partner can turn into a disaster.

Women always look for support in their husband, which in itself does not destroy the family - this is a sign of a normal marriage. But in a situation where the wife is protected by unloved husband, she runs the risk of acquiring irritation, anger, jealousy and neurosis in the kit, and a man may begin to behave arbitrarily. Such a marriage is doomed to divorce due to the lack of love in its basis.

Behavioral causes of divorce in the modern family

The struggle of one spouse with the unacceptable behavior of the other can last a lifetime. Russian women they courageously endure the alcoholism of their husbands as if it were an unpleasant character trait, like rudeness or irascibility.

At the same time, such reasons for divorce as the illness of a spouse began to appear in the answers of respondents, and there is nothing to be proud of - this is a negative trend of almost direct betrayal of marriage and family promises, along with treason.

Among the unacceptable qualities of a husband or wife that lead to divorce are often indicated:

constant conflict resolution through quarrels and scandals;
refusal to provide for the family (for men) and to run a common household;
unjustified separation;
discovered treason, betrayal, lies;
alcoholism and drug addiction;
theft and other illegal activities.

Financial reasons are important too.

Psychologists say that conditions of poverty make family members extremely impatient with each other. Even if both partners are equally making efforts to get out of debt on loans or simply to ensure their existence, the atmosphere of tension absorbs all their strength and brings them together. tender feelings to "no". Poverty is a real test for a marriage, especially with multiple children. It happens that the husband loses the ability to earn money and the wife has to support the family.

In this situation, it is very difficult to rely on the patience and devotion of the spouse, because she feels unfairly deprived.

It can be difficult for people to accept changed circumstances, adjust to the rhythm of the life of a sick person, sacrifice their time and effort, supporting him. The feeling that everything could have turned out differently, as well as the feeling of guilt, destroys from the inside.

The reasons for divorce in Russia are often related to the issue of housing. Young families forced to live under the same roof with their parents also run the risk of not celebrating their 5th wedding anniversary. In total, from six months to two years is required for the development of a conflict with the older generation.

This is followed by a painful denouement: either the spouses move out to another room, possibly with worse conditions, or one of them remains in the parental home, and the marriage fails.

Why is this happening? Parents try to control family life their children, focus on problems between spouses, impose hostility on them and instill disappointment in each other.

Sometimes life becomes a constant source of conflict when younger generation does not want to do household chores according to the requirements of parents. Anyway parental home- not the most safe place for a young family.

The most common reasons for material divorces are:

poverty, lack of the most necessary;
debts of one of the spouses;
loss of a spouse's ability to work;
housing problem.

If feelings have changed - this is an alarming sign

Pettiness, excessive independence, inability to be responsible for one's decisions, and many other negative traits gradually lead spouses to think that they are simply not a couple. The patience that holds some for years may run out for others in the first year. life together.

Spouses who have become unbearable to each other automatically receive disharmonious intimate relationship. They also tend not to build joint plans for the future and quickly realize that there is no point in continuing such a marriage.

Psychological causes of divorce:

loss of love
irritation;
distrust and jealousy;
difference in outlook on life;
sexual incompatibility.

It is unlikely that someone marries or marries a person for whom he feels dislike, deeply disrespects or does not trust him. When creating a family, everyone counts on their portion of happiness and hopes to enjoy the relationship with their spouse.

If you believe the statistics, then most of the divorces occur in married couples who are from 18 to 24 years old. At this age, about 50% of young families cannot cope with problems, and every second couple decides to divorce.

There are a number of reasons why married couples separate, no matter how many years they have been married. It is possible to identify several problem situations which young families cannot overcome, but this is far from all. The decision to break up is always preceded by misunderstandings and disagreements.

Reason #1: Hurry

Haste can be considered the main reason for divorce in young families. In addition, it should be considered in two aspects.

Many couples hastily tie the knot without thinking about what will happen tomorrow. In this case, everything is decided by a momentary flash of passion. Psychologists believe that if young people decide to get married just because they have a strong attraction to each other, then as a rule, this will cause the end of family life.

And he is not far off, because very soon all dreams can be broken on the stone of everyday life and routine. So it turns out that after marriage, many understand what kind of beautiful picture happy family life (which they love to show in Hollywood films so much) lies not so fun everyday life.

The second aspect of haste can be considered if the young couple could not overcome difficulties. As an option - does not want to put up with unjustified expectations. Instead of understanding the cause of disagreements and misunderstandings between spouses, one of them (or both) accept hasty decision about divorce. The race for leadership takes on a completely different color - a husband or wife is trying to prove their case by all means.

That is why those families are considered more stable when couples approach this decision with responsibility and understanding, knowing each other well.

Reason #2: Fake Targets

O fictitious marriage as such, we will not talk (whatever the development of modern youth). Fictitious means not real, that is, the erroneous goal with which young people want to tie the knot.

As a rule, this reason for family divorces should be considered on the example of girls. There are hardly any guys who want to get married as soon as possible, just to show off in a suit on their wedding day. This is the most common dummy target. Such girls believe that family life is a painting in the registry office and a wedding ceremony. The desire to show off wedding dress so overshadows the mind of young girls that they do not at all realize the seriousness of the intention to marry.

The next, no less common goal is to rub the nose of your girlfriends. It has long been noticed that all girlfriends always compete with each other. For men, the presence of a stamp in the passport does not mean anything, but for a girl, this is everything, almost the meaning of her whole life. Therefore, boasting a ring to her friends, oddly enough, for many, is a weighty reason to tie the knot with another person.

Another fictitious goal that pushes young couples into marriage is the desire to quickly get rid of the guardianship of annoying parents. And this is far from the last stupidity that families confess.

An honest answer to the question "Why do I want to get married (get married)?" would significantly reduce the number of unstable marriages.

Perhaps then there would be no need to puzzle over another question: “Why do couples get divorced?”.

Reason #3: Failed to cope with the difficulties

Paradise in a hut does not go beyond the well-known proverb, so young couples need to be prepared for the fact that along with good periods there will be those from which you want to return under the parental wing again.

Financial difficulties are a problem as old as the world. In most couples, both are young or still students, or have just completed their education. Accordingly, the question arises - where to get the money? There are two options: either ask your parents for help and get on their neck, or go to free bread.

Whichever option the young spouses choose, the lack of money will in any case be reflected in their relationship. Material well-being can't be guaranteed family happiness, however, without it, the joy of living together will also be small.

The lack of a stable income becomes the reason that you have to work where you don’t really want to. Young people become irritated, nervous and, due to a lack of vital wisdom, pour out all the negativity on their soul mate.

The inability to spend money on whims also negatively affects relationships. If earlier money was personal, now all the money earned must be brought to the family, divided and spent on another person. Not everyone likes it.

Reason #4: Submission to the will of the parents

Excessive guardianship of parents will not lead to anything good. Those mothers and fathers who try to control the lives of their children to such an extent that they choose a groom or bride for them on their own are too worried about the fate of their child. It is still good when parents in this case take into account the opinion of their daughter or son, and if they simply put their children before the fact, then the family life of the future couple is unlikely to be happy.

Second option negative impact parents - interference in the family life of their children. Very often they forget that little Serezhenka has had his own children for a long time, and his wife for five years of marriage has long remembered that her husband is allergic to citrus fruits. That is why conflict triangles “wife-husband-mother-in-law” or “wife-husband-mother-in-law” arise. There will be no prosperity in such families, so the young get divorced.

Parents should give their adult children the right to decide for themselves where to spend the money they earn or where to go on vacation in the winter. Let their decision be wrong, but they must know that parents are not eternal, so you need to learn to overcome difficulties yourself.

A young couple, in turn, must understand that all the actions of parents are only out of good intentions. No mother will deliberately spoil the life of her child.

Reason #5: Parties and feasts

Of course, this does not mean that everything should be completely excluded. fun activities. By themselves, feasts do not bear any harm (relatively, of course). But if these feasts develop into a holiday without end, then the consequences can cause the divorce of a family that has barely appeared.

One of the options for the development of such events is alcoholism. This dependence has not yet brought happiness to any married couple.

In addition, frequent friendly parties can become the basis for a more compelling reason to file for divorce - treason. And then what prompted this will no longer play a role: an excess of alcohol or "that's all she (he)". Sometimes mature couples can forgive such an act. Young spouses tend to chop off the shoulder. It's easier for them to start new life rather than live with the thought that one day the other half chose not him.

Constant communication with friends takes something free time, which the spouses could spend alone. Over time they stop finding mutual language, and where idyll reigned before, misunderstanding begins, which not all young couples manage to resolve.

Therefore, before submitting an application to the registry office, a young couple needs to think carefully about everything and decide whether it is worth doing. Otherwise, in a couple of years you will have to sit in the same queue, only for a completely different reason.

What drives the spouses, who until recently gave the impression of a completely harmonious married couple, and then suddenly decided to get a divorce? Neither young marriages, nor unions with decent experience, nor even those partners who are raising grandchildren, are immune from such a fate. What are the reasons for such sad consequences? Why is the institution of marriage now losing its former value? Let's try to figure it out and understand what, from the point of view of family psychology, convinces spouses of the need to terminate legal unions and what they are, the main reasons for divorce. It should be noted that some of them are common to many couples, and some occur most often in only a certain period of life.

According to experts, the most unstable in this regard are the so-called "young marriages", when the marriage lasts no more than five to nine years. During this period, children are usually born, the attention of partners switches to new aspects of life, financial difficulties and lack of own housing. The reasons for divorce are based on the fact that spouses lose their former opportunity to devote all their time to each other, they relax less, but are more nervous and work, often cannot properly separate family responsibilities. For the above period marriage unions accounts for almost 65% of divorce cases.

As for families with an experience of about ten to nineteen years, then, oddly enough, they also have their own reasons for divorce, different from others. If in previous years conflict situations relations have been severely destroyed, then between spouses, despite a certain level of prosperity, hatred, enmity and intolerance to each other may well arise. This period accounts for up to 24% of all broken marriages.

Marriage unions in which partners have lived for more than twenty years are also not immune from a sad ending. At this time, psychologists call the main reasons for divorce the loss of previous relationships and the violation of established life attitudes, for example, growing up children require less and less joint custody, which entails the emergence of some freedom. But what to do with it, people who are used to devoting a lot of time to education and solving related issues simply do not know.

Often there is a feeling of fatigue and satiety with each other, often mature spouses spend their leisure time separately, alienation is growing. It was twenty years later that partners named alcoholism, betrayal or suspicion of it as the main reasons for divorce. As statistics show, the initiative to break up during this period belongs to women, and the share of broken marriages is about 11% of the total.

It becomes clear that neither the age of the spouses, nor the number of years they have lived in a legal union, nor the presence of children and other relationships can become a certain insurance moment that can prevent the termination of even the longest and, oddly enough, quite successful marriage. That is why it is so important to determine what exactly most often lies behind the hackneyed wording "they did not agree on the characters" and causes divorces.

Jealousy and betrayal

Unfortunately, in last years all over the world, including Russia, the divorce rate continues to grow steadily, undermining the centuries-old moral foundations of society. Researchers have been struggling with this problem for decades, trying to figure out main reason divorces, interviewing thousands of couples who have broken family ties.

In the course of studies conducted among several thousand former spouses, scientists tried to find out the main causes of conflicts leading to the breakdown of marriage unions. As a result of the work done, they managed to identify the main "enemies" of family life, among which jealousy and betrayal come first. According to the researchers, the number of divorces for these reasons is simply staggering: every third of the divorced couples breaks up precisely because of them.

By the way, these data concern only those who are bound by marriage, while people who have not officially registered their relationship have much less problems arising from jealousy. Thus, doubts about fidelity destroy not only the emotional harmony between partners, but also negatively affect their intimate life. As you know, men and women have different perceptions of infidelity: if the representatives of the stronger sex suffer more because of physical infidelity, then women, on the contrary, because of its emotional side.

Cheating is a kind of antipode to the feeling of love, which is one of the most important motives that encourage people to get married. Without it, it is impossible to imagine a happy married couple. Cheating also becomes a reflection of the contradictions and conflicts that violate any harmonious union. This reason for divorce is most often found in troubled families, but it is not so rare among quite successful marriages. Cheating does not have persistent age restrictions, so marital experience is not an obstacle for her.

Young husband and wife, who allow this in their relationship, most often simply do not think about it. family values- they are immature and frivolous, so they are not stopped possible consequences. More mature spouses commit adultery in an attempt to find an outlet in the string domestic problems. This does not mean that they do not value their marriage - often this is how banal inner emptiness and fatigue manifest themselves. A certain number of men in their early fifties cheat on their wives in an attempt to cope with an age crisis. And these are not all the reasons that push partners to cheat.

Each specific fact of violation of marital fidelity is based on certain motives. For some, these are the shortcomings of education, rooted in childhood (licentiousness and displacement moral values), some people In a similar way self-affirm, others are pushed to treason by social immaturity or an unstable life position. No matter how things are in each specific case, but it is jealousy and adultery, as the reasons for divorce, rank first among the majority of couples surveyed.

Lack of attention and interest in a partner

Often, many young families break up, strange as it sounds, with the advent of their children. Of course, such a reason for divorce can be associated with the unwillingness to become parents or the couple's lack of true affection. But it happens that young spouses, who initially accepted the news of the upcoming appearance of offspring with joy and a great deal of responsibility, subsequently still dissolve the marriage.

Why is this happening? Precisely because of the decrease in attention to her husband. After all, a young mother concentrates all her energy on caring for a baby. Sleepless nights, days filled with worries and worries - all this does not contribute to the former harmonious relations. And although this situation is temporary, because children grow up, it is sometimes very difficult for a man to come to terms with the fact that the center small world family now is not he. In order to somehow resolve the dissonance that has arisen, one should persistently involve the spouse in the process of caring for a son or daughter. It is these actions that can cement the marriage, and not cause a divorce.

Concerning mature families, then not everything is smooth here. Fundamentals are often lost behind everyday chores mutual interest, attention is dispersed to a mass of other moments. It is possible that initially the spouses were not united by common hobbies - they were used to relaxing separately, and only the problems associated with raising children served as a bringing together factor. It is difficult to say exactly when the process of cooling and loss of mutual interest took place. However, not all families come out of such a crisis with honor: many spouses call the lack of attention to themselves common cause divorce, and alone experience the consequences of dissolution of marriage during later life.

Lack of romance

As mentioned above, true love is the foundation of a happy family life. But over time, the main source of its existence, romance, leaves the established relationship. If, behind everyday problems, spouses forget about wonderful moments, about the importance of personal intimate holidays, about dates and joint walks, then they lose the basis of what once made them live together.

Of course, if a man stops giving flowers to a woman at some stage of family relations, then this is not yet the reason for divorce. But often he even forgets to congratulate his wife on the next anniversary of marriage. In this case, the woman begins to doubt that her husband's feelings are still alive and she is still interesting to him. Therefore, one should not neglect the opportunity from time to time to admire the beauties of nature only together, read poetry to each other and render small, but very pleasant signs attention with romantic overtones. This is how it is possible, with the desire and some efforts on the part of both partners, to strengthen the marriage, so that later you do not regret its dissolution, experiencing the sad consequences of such a rash step.

Loss of trust

It is difficult to argue with the statement that a lie can destroy any, even the most strong relationships. Honesty is the foundation of a successful marriage. All kinds of doubts, eventually developing into a total distrust that arises at any stage married life leading to divorce. Even if they are connected with ordinary everyday moments: for example, a husband hides from his wife the true amount of earnings, the wife, in turn, is silent about going to a cafe or a nightclub with her friends.

In any case, over time, all these insignificant facts of concealing the truth turn into a habit of lying, and the lie grows, as snowball. When in the end one of the spouses has an epiphany showing exactly how things really are, the serious problems in marriage, the consequences of which lead the family to collapse. That is why many divorced people cite distrust as a common cause of divorce.

sexual difficulties

You should not consider this problem as something frivolous and easily fixable. Especially when it comes to long term family relationships, where passion gradually faded into the background, and even into the third plan. Infrequent and irregular lovemaking and the difficulties associated with it are often cited as a very common reason for divorce. In the intimate sphere of spouses, in a number of cases, there come moments when certain circumstances associated, for example, with the birth of a child, lead to changes in sexual needs.

For example, a husband is ready to make love every day, and a wife needs only a couple of times a week. What can become further development events, it is not so difficult to guess: betrayal, mutual irritation associated with dissatisfaction, suspicions of infidelity of the spouse are quite likely, especially if earlier it was she who initiated sex. It also happens that the notorious habit and lack of diversity dampens the libido of one of the partners, and the other begins to suspect him of going “to the left”. Effects sexual problems in relations between spouses are quite capable of leading to divorce.

Misunderstanding

The gulf associated with the lack of understanding between husband and wife is often so deep that it becomes impossible to overcome it. Especially if you do it without help. family psychologist. Therefore, the reason for the divorce, associated with a misunderstanding in the family, cannot be taken lightly. Why does such a feeling generally arise between partners? The reasons for misunderstanding should first of all be sought in the very origins of the relationship.

Indeed, often people who are going to get married initially differ greatly from each other in their upbringing, level of culture, and intellect. In this regard, they form different views on life, they strive for other goals and pursue their own, separate interests. Such marriages are doomed to failure if neither of the spouses tries to understand the other and agree with him, to yield in something, refuses to seek compromises. The consequences of such stubbornness are often expressed in the desire to find a like-minded person in another partner.

Loss of mutual respect

A similar problem that arises in family relationships also deserves to be called important reason divorces. In the first years of marriage, the young husband and wife do not think much about her. And in vain, because the temperament of people is different. And not everyone is able to keep themselves within the framework when there is a stormy showdown, which is sometimes simply impossible to avoid. In such cases, a stream of insults, often even obscene expressions, is sent to one or both spouses.

Such behavior, despite attempts at reconciliation, mutual forgiveness and oath assurances not to repeat such mistakes in the future, leads to a crack in the relationship. Over time, it becomes more and more, and as a result, partners simply lose respect for each other. It is sad that such conflicts are witnessed by children who, following the example of their parents, will later build their own families.

Respect also disappears between those partners who allow their moral degradation as individuals, for some reason neglect the elementary care of own appearance, descend and lose their normal human appearance. What exactly is driving this behavior? You can tell only by considering a single married couple. However, people's loss of respect is often strong reason divorces.

Life

Domestic problems are an eternal and boring topic. As a rule, both spouses are to blame for this. The husband is not satisfied with the laziness of his wife in cooking, cleaning, washing and so on. The accusations of the wife are often related to the fact that her betrothed spends all her free time on the couch, buried in the TV, and does not do basic things around the house: the tap flows, the garbage falls out of the bucket, and a pile of rubbish has formed on the balcony.

What happens in the end? Family life takes place in constant dissatisfaction with each other, scandals and conflicts become an integral part of everyday life, chaos reigns in the apartment. And the consequences of such an attitude to the simplest duties become a serious reason for divorce. That is why ordinary carelessness in everyday life needs to be nipped in the bud. And this applies to both spouses.

Different views on parenting

Yes, this happens, and quite often. For example, a mother who is constantly with her children, feeds them, takes them for walks, puts them to bed, that is, performs all actions related to care and upbringing, sets own rules. They can be more or less severe, they contain penalties for certain offenses, and so on. A dad who only sees his kids a few hours after work and on the weekends often tends to be gentle and somewhat condoning.

As a result, the mother in the child's mind takes on the features of a "bad cop", while the father is somewhat idealized. But in doing so, he drops the authority of his wife, and the children are very sensitive to such fluctuations. As a result, they become little controlled, the mother increasingly has to resort to punishment, and the father is surprised by the nervousness of both his wife and heirs. Tension builds in the family, parents begin to quarrel, children experience subconscious guilt for what is happening, but they behave worse and worse. The consequences are easy to predict - divorce, alimony and recrimination. So it is better to agree in advance on what methods you will be guided by in raising heirs, so as not to face the reason for divorce described above as a result.

Financial problems

The concept of paradise in a hut is familiar to many of those who are just starting an independent family life. The financial factor during this period does not play a decisive role. It seems to young spouses that everything is still ahead, they make bright plans and believe in prospects. It is very good if life develops successfully, if a separate housing, a car and a bank account soon appear.

However, today's realities are such that it is becoming very difficult to achieve a certain financial independence. If the problem of lack of money accompanies marriage constantly, then sooner or later the wife makes claims to her husband that he is not able to adequately support his family. A man begins to feel guilty, his self-esteem suffers. Nothing good can be expected in this case.

What to do? It is difficult to answer this question, since there is no universal recipe for increasing income. One thing is clear - financial instability is a serious cause of divorce. Not all wives know how to wait patiently, and most men are placed by the state in a situation where legal ways to meet the needs of the family are not enough. Only one advice can be given. Women shouldn't fall in love potential opportunities men, and the latter need to realistically assess their prospects as a “mammoth hunter”.

Physical form and appearance

How often do we marry handsome men with muscular shoulders, and at one fine moment we suddenly realize that we live with flabby types who shave every three days, scatter dirty socks around the apartment and cannot imagine rest without a bottle of their favorite beer? Familiar situation. But the same can be said of men who marry beautiful women. model appearance, and after some ten years they find next to them a fat person with an absurd hairstyle. And such a reason for some divorces former spouses often shared with psychologists.

But no matter how ridiculous it may seem to those who are just starting family life, you should not neglect knowledge about it. Just take it into service and try to avoid slovenliness in home clothes, do not be lazy to once again wash your hair and get a decent haircut, manicure and pedicure, even while you are on parental leave. It is also not superfluous to maintain the previous physical form. After all sexy image that excites your husband is unlikely to become more attractive if you gain a lot of weight.

The eternal problem of mother-in-law and mother-in-law

The parents of both spouses often, unwittingly, become a stumbling block to their family troubles. But it also happens that the mother-in-law deliberately provokes the daughter-in-law into scandals in the desire to save her son from an unworthy, in her own opinion, wife. The same applies to mothers-in-law. However, such situations, fortunately, are rare. In most cases, there is a hidden dislike.

But the intervention of parents in the lives of young people, even if it is done for a good purpose, affects the relationship negatively. Quarrels occur in the family, conflict situations arise from scratch, and simply because one of the spouses is not ready to follow the instructions of the mother-in-law or mother-in-law. The situation becomes uncontrollable if offensive claims are made against the parents.

Even if the mother-in-law or mother-in-law are not witnesses or participants family quarrels and proceedings, then this in any case imposes its negative on the spouses. A wife often cannot forgive her husband for swearing at her mother. The same applies to the spouse, because filial love is no weaker than daughter love. So that she does not become the reason for a divorce, and you do not have to experience their consequences for yourself, you should not lose your temper and avoid mentioning your parents in any quarrels.

The problems described above are far from full list what exactly is to blame for the collapse of marital unions. Often it is impossible to single out one thing, because many moments have close relationship. And under the wording of "irreconcilable contradictions" lies a whole galaxy of problems, from which it is impossible to single out what exactly was the main reason for the divorce. According to regularly conducted surveys, an important place among the factors provoking the dissolution of marriages is occupied by the so-called “critical five”. These are the points that cause the most intense conflicts: