A 3-year-old child is hysterical, jumping, screaming. Which doctor treats constant tantrums in a child

Raising a child is very difficult process, requiring a lot of time, physical and moral effort. Despite all the efforts, in the life of every baby there come the so-called critical periods that require heightened attention by the parents. It is during these periods that the first tantrums most often appear in a child. Children make scandals with crying, screaming, rolling on the floor, waving their arms and legs. Often such excesses are accompanied by a desire to get new toy or a forbidden thing. And if the causes of hysteria in older children are often clear to parents, then such episodes in infants knock the ground out from under their feet and force them to sign their own impotence.

In fact, the causes of tantrums, as well as ways to eliminate such behavior, almost always lie on the surface. The task of parents is to delve into the situation and try to understand what drives the child.

Table of contents:

Causes of tantrums in a child

In exclusively rare cases hysterics are caused by internal failures of the body - disorders of the nervous system. Tantrums in these children, unfortunately, are a manifestation of severe mental illness that require professional treatment under the supervision of a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

In all other situations, hysteria is a kind of response of the child's psyche to the information entering it.. Most often, the roots of this problem must be sought in the relationship between family members, children and adults in the yard, in kindergarten or school.

There is a list of factors that provoke seizures:

• constant lack of sleep;
• increased fatigue;
• malnutrition, leading to a constant feeling of hunger;
• transferred severe somatic disease;
• congenital unbalanced warehouse of the nervous system;
• mistakes of education in the form of excessive severity, guardianship or frequent punishments.

Hysteria can be based on any of these factors, and in most cases - their combination.

The immediate causes of an attack are quite often:

• separation from an interesting lesson;
• desire to get a new toy or thing forbidden by parents;
• the desire to attract the attention of others;
• attempts to express dissatisfaction;
• desire to imitate someone;
• failure in a particular activity

Types of tantrums in a child

Experts distinguish 2 types of hysteria in a child, which differ in the mechanism of their development and provoking factors:

Approaches to the elimination of one or another type of hysteria should be different, since these two disorders have a different nature of origin. If the upper type is the result of educational errors, then in order to eliminate cases of hysteria, educational errors must be eliminated.

At the same time, in the presence of a lower type of hysteria, it is better to immediately seek help from a specialist so as not to aggravate an already difficult situation.

What to do with a tantrum in a child?

The tactics of parents with a tantrum should differ depending on the age of the child, since on different stages the baby experiences different needs and desires. But, along with this, there are certain principles that help calm a child with a tantrum, regardless of his age.

Principle One – Stay Calm

A child can attract the attention of parents only by their behavior. Hysteria is one such attempt to get one's way. If the baby feels that the parents are reacting to his antics, then the risk of repeated tantrums will increase significantly. If you witness this kind of behavior, don't lose your temper. In some cases, this can be very difficult, especially when the tantrum occurs in a crowded place or the child breaks into crying until his breath stops. But only indifference is the right way in the fight against children's tantrums.

Principle Two - Be an Adult

Never switch to the language of the child and do not enter into a discussion with him. Once you succumb to his persuasion, you will notice that in next time he will manipulate you with much more confidence in a positive result for him. If the child wants a new toy, do not try to dissuade him or offer something else in return. You must clearly stick to your line, and at the first manifestations of hysteria indicate that the toy is not allowed in the first place because of its bad behavior.

If you are afraid of the eyes of others, or in your attack, the child brings discomfort to others, it is better to take him to a remote and safe place.

If the child is small and may inadvertently harm himself, you need to stay with him until he completely calms down.!

Principle Three - Postpone the conversation

The worst solution for a tantrum in a child is to start immediately discussing the situation that has arisen. It is best to postpone the conversation until the baby or teenager has completely calmed down. and will not be able to correctly perceive your information.

In the course of the subsequent conversation, first of all, specify the reason for this behavior. Explain with reason why you could not satisfy the request of the child, and why this should not be done. Just do not threaten the baby with punishment when repeating a tantrum. As practice shows, under the risk of punishment, children throw tantrums much more often.

Principle Four - Avoid Causes

If it seemed to you that you found out the reason for this behavior of your baby, you do not need to immediately check in practice how it will behave when it reappears. At first, it is better to avoid such conflict situations. If the child forgets about this episode, then there are very many chances that the tantrum will not happen again.

Principle Five - Avoid Overvoltage

Often the cause of hysteria is not at all the bad character of the baby, but physical or, especially, moral overstrain. If the child gets tired from a lot of activities, or is constantly surrounded family quarrel, the reason for the tantrum is not in the child.

Try to create a friendly atmosphere around your baby, provide him rational nutrition, full sleep, walks in the air. Keep track of his progress in school and ensure that the physical and mental activities are age-appropriate. If academic performance drops, it may not be worth yelling at the baby. It is likely that he does not have time due to the fact that he has to attend some circles or sections after school. Remember that not all children can do their homework equally well.

What to do with hysteria in a child under one year old?

Attacks of uncontrollable behavior in a child who has not yet turned even one year old are quite rare. They, as a rule, are not connected with mistakes of education. Most often, such episodes are a manifestation of any mental or nervous disorders at the baby. It is better not to try to deal with tantrums in a one-year-old child on your own.

note

The main task of parents during this period is to timely consult with specialists who will help identify existing violations.

Hysteria in a child 1-2 years old

At this age, the baby is already beginning to understand the forbidden meaning of such words as “no” or “no”. Often he perceives them as a kind of irritant, responding to this with bouts of hysteria. Most often, this happens in crowded places, where the hysteria is designed, first of all, not for the parents, but for those around them.

Remembering general principles dealing with hysteria in a child, the first thing to do is to hug him and try to keep him in your arms. Quite often, such a technique successfully passes and the child calms down. If, on the contrary, he tries to escape from the embrace, you should not hold him, this can only aggravate the situation.

If the baby's escape does not harm him, let him go and try to wait out the attack.. After that, in a form accessible to the child, show him your love. It can be hugs, kisses or anything else, but just not the resolution of what he was trying to achieve with his tantrum.

Tantrum in a 3 year old

Three-year-old children imitate adults in everything and strive for independence. The ban on some adult activity often causes tantrums. The kid can start any venture just to see your reaction. Your behavior in this situation should be as follows:

1. You can’t unequivocally forbid the baby to do what he planned and force him to do what, by your standards, is acceptable.
2. The ideal option would be joint game when instead of hysteria, you offer your child to assemble a constructor together or draw a picture. In this case, it is extremely important that you communicate more and show by example how to behave better.
3. Psychologists recommend monitoring your speech so that pointing phrases do not appear in a conversation with a child. The kid will be much more pleasant if you do not tell him what to wear for a walk, but offer to take a walk together in the yard or in the park.

Hysteria in a child 4-6 years old

At this age, children do not just watch how adults behave and what they do. They begin to think and often take advantage of the fact that parents cannot come to a consensus regarding their upbringing. At 4-6 years old, the baby already understands that something forbidden by mom can be allowed by dad or grandmother. At this age, it is very important that parents do not compete with each other for the love of the child, but jointly fulfill the mission of his correct upbringing.

Tantrums at this age are already rare, because it is already possible to talk with such children, discuss their problems and try to find a solution. If the child does not communicate with you, then it is better to seek help from professional psychologist and read literature on parenting. Remember: how your baby will grow up is up to you.

Chumachenko Olga, doctor, medical commentator

What is a child tantrum? These are screams, crying, uncontrolled movements, aggression. With such outbreaks, many parents are familiar firsthand. And if two year old, most often falls into extreme emotional condition due to overexcitation or overwork, then tantrums in a 3-year-old child should be considered already, rather, as the first attempts to manipulate you. They frighten someone, annoy someone, cause retaliatory aggression in someone. But such behavior of the crumbs does not leave indifferent either his relatives or those around him.

Causes of children's tantrums

How should parents react to the tantrums of their little ones? And is it possible to foresee and prevent them? Everyone will have to find their own answers to these questions. Based on the circumstances and causes that led to the conflict. After all, it is conflict situations, most often, and become the impetus, the starting point of hysteria in a child.

A child during a tantrum can tear his hair, beat his head against the wall, while not feeling pain at all

So why can a baby throw a tantrum on you?

Which one of listed reasons It was not the fault of your little one's hysteria, mom-dad, for starters, they must understand one thing. The kid does not behave this way because he wants to annoy you. He is not cunning and not capricious. Something just isn't right in his life. And the baby still cannot understand the essence of the problem, nor put his emotions into words.

No censure or punishment is required in this situation from you. And your attention, help, support and, of course, parental love.

Your main weapon in the fight against children's tantrums is calmness.

How should parents behave?

If we proceed from the fact that for a child a tantrum is a means of attracting the attention of adults to his person, parents, first of all, need to ensure that the child learns to inform about his needs and desires in a more civilized way.

The baby must understand that hysteria is not so effective, and it will not help him solve problems. To bring the little one to such a conclusion, first of all, behave during such emotional outbursts, adhering to a well-thought-out line of behavior.

Tactile contact with the mother often helps to prevent a tantrum in the baby.

You need to properly respond to a child's tantrum

1. Don't panic, stay calm. In no case do not show that you are somehow offended by such a disgrace. Very often, it is precisely because of the lack of grateful spectators that the hysteria ends without really starting.
2. Find out what caused your baby's outburst of emotions.
3. If the child is thus trying to manipulate you (in order to get what he wants), giving in to him will be your biggest mistake. Thus, you will provoke the repetition of tantrums again and again, when the little one needs something from you.
4. Although this may seem cruel, the most correct thing to do is to ignore the tantrum. But do not leave the baby alone at this moment. Be in the field of view of the child, while being indifferent and adamant.
5. Of course, you can try to start constructive dialogue. Or use some kind of distraction. In some cases this works.
6. And sometimes tactile contact with mom, her hugs, words of love, even an affectionate quiet song, can quickly calm down raging passions. In this case, it all depends on the reasons that prompted the baby to such a psychological reaction.

But punishing a little rebel is not worth it. Educational moments are best left for later. When the passions subside and everyone calms down. That's when you can begin to teach the crumbs to respond correctly to various life situations.

Educational work with the child should be carried out already when the hysteria passes and he calms down

When passion subsided

Yes Yes. Just like you taught your baby to walk or talk, you need to teach him ways to express your emotions and desires. To teach patterns of behavior in certain circumstances. The easiest way to do this is through play and conversation. cautionary tales and fairy tales are also very effective.

The child must real examples find out for himself how to correctly express emotions such as joy, sadness, anger, fatigue, etc. He must understand that what he wants is achieved by no means with screams and tears. And that it is not always achieved.

Do not be afraid to explain to the little one how upset you were by his behavior. And how would you like to see it in the future. Emphasize that you love him with all your heart and no matter what. And we would like to be proud of them always. And for victories and successes, do not forget to praise the baby and encourage in every possible way.

For some it takes weeks, for others it takes months. It largely depends on the nature and temperament of the child. The more active the baby, the longer the process will be. With children calm, melancholic in this regard, it is easier.

It is necessary to contact a neurologist if the tantrums in the crumbs continue after he is 4 years old

Should I contact a specialist?

But there are situations when parents cannot do without the help of specialists. If the baby’s tantrums are repeated constantly for six months or longer, this may be a symptom of one of the diseases.

Neurological consultation required

• If during a tantrum the child loses consciousness or his breath stops.
• And it ends with shortness of breath, vomiting or sudden lethargy, fatigue of the crumbs.
• Tantrums are repeated more and more often and are more and more difficult.
• The child injures himself or others.
• The child has other disorders (fears, mood swings,).
• Tantrums don't go away until the age of four.

When similar symptoms the child does not have, then it is necessary to deal with his tantrums, most likely, using psychological methods. Therefore, it will not be superfluous to seek the advice of a psychologist in this situation.

Learn to negotiate with your grown-up toddler. Compromise is the way to resolve most conflicts

Prevention

Tantrums in a 3-year-old child. How to avoid them? And here, as they say, half measures are indispensable. Needed here A complex approach. Starting from the daily routine and ending not only with teaching the baby, but also with working on yourself.

1. Dose the emotional and that your little one receives during the day. This is especially true of cartoons with different superheroes that are so popular today. The brain of a child at this age is not yet ready to perceive a large number of special effects and adequately respond to the fantastic images of the characters in these paintings.
2. A three-year-old baby should go to bed on time in the evening and fully rest for the prescribed one and a half to two hours during the day.
3. Keep a close eye on the baby. Voice your observations: “I can see you're upset. Can you tell me what the reason is?”, “Are you offended because the girl didn’t treat you with candy?”. This will help the little one sort out his feelings and start talking about them.
4. But your task is also to teach the child to control their emotions. To do this, he must clearly know the limits of what is permitted. What can be done and what cannot. Mark all the taboos, and most importantly, explain why certain actions are prohibited. The kid should not blindly follow someone's orders. He must be sure of their expediency.
5. In the daily routine of the little one, allocate enough time for games. You can direct them to right direction you can participate in them. It is a powerful teaching tool. And it's a sin not to use it. But let's give the child the opportunity to be alone - the master in his play area.

   Having noticed the first signs of an impending tantrum in a child, try to distract him, switch the crumbs' attention to something interesting and entertaining

6. No need to try everything and always do for your beloved child. Although the baby is still quite clumsy in his attempts to dress himself or help you with cleaning, but these are his first achievements. And they make him stronger, more self-confident. They build character and self-esteem.
7. Try to achieve desired result use not orders and instructions, but requests. The kid with great pleasure will make you pleasant, but the order can be accepted with hostility.
8. If in a given situation there is an “either-or” option that suits you to the same extent, give the child the right to choose. If there is no real choice, you should not create the appearance, and then try to impose your own version on the little one.
9. So that the baby does not hostilely perceive your attempts to put him to bed or take him home from friends, warn him in advance that it will soon be time to end the game and begin the mandatory procedures.
10. Carefully observe the reaction of the crumbs to the development of events. And you will notice the symptoms of an approaching tantrum. It can be clenched fists, sniffling, pursed lips, whimpering, etc. Try to switch the little one's attention to something interesting.

Remember, at 3 years old, a child is just learning to manage his emotions. For him, this path is not easy and thorny. So become for your beloved child on this path both hope and support, and an inexhaustible storehouse of knowledge. Then no tantrums will scare you!

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Hysteria: concept and how it manifests itself

Hysteria in a child is a behavior beyond the limits of adequate and calm.

The baby may start crying loudly, falls to the floor, kicks, screams. At this time, it is problematic to calm him down.

Him seizures may occur, at this time the child does not hear the words addressed to him, and when trying to calm him down, he starts screaming even more.

Hysteria manifests itself in response to the inability to get what you want. The child wants a thing or perform some action, but parents or circumstances prevent this. As a result, a seizure occurs when it is almost impossible to control the behavior of the baby.

A child during tantrums becomes “temporarily unavailable”, that is, it is impossible to reach him, make him think logically, pay attention to the wrongness of an act.

After recession is coming when a child seeks solace for his grief.

Causes at different ages

Already at one year old, the child begins to actively move around the apartment. His goal is to learn as much as possible, to feel, to try. He still does not understand the danger, but her parents see her, who try to prohibit unwanted actions.

When you can't get what he wants, baby begins to feel frustrated, that is, his needs are not satisfied. This spills over into anger, crying, moving arms, kicking the floor.

Closer to two years, children begin to have needs and desires.

They actively explore the world They want to touch and feel everything. He already walks steadily, he can climb chairs himself, reach the shelves.

The child understands that the store they go to has a lot of interesting things, and he also wants to have them. But parents understand the danger of the world around them and try to instill in their child some correct features character.

Why is the baby throwing tantrums? Causes of tantrums at 2 years of age are:

• misunderstanding - the child tries to say something, but cannot express it in words. As a result, the parents do not know what he wants, and the baby begins to act up;
• the desire to attract attention to themselves - in the case when the mother or father devotes little time to him, they do not want to fulfill his request;
• fatigue, feeling of hunger;
• during illness - immunity is weakened, the baby feels unwell, needs increased care;
• imitating the behavior of peers or adults;
• overprotection;
• when distracted from an interesting activity;
• conflicts in the family;
• changes in the usual way of life - the departure of one of the family members, moving, starting to visit a kindergarten, even repairs;
• unsatisfied need for love - little man Most of all, he needs warmth and the feeling that he is loved.

  He cannot express it in words, but, neglect, irritation from loved ones feels good.

  This upsets him, the psyche can not cope with the fact that the baby;

• hyperactivity.

At the age of three, the child passes crisis period . At this time, tantrums occur in many children.

But they are most clearly manifested in choleric or melancholic temperament, as well as mistakes in education.

When the child goes to kindergarten, he encounters a new environment for him. At this time, tantrums can happen on the basis of and unwillingness to attend a social institution.

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Misconceptions and myths about baby crying

Crying for a child natural response to internal and external stimuli. He thus expresses that something is wrong in his world.

Crying annoys parents, sometimes they think that the baby whines and worries over trifles, but in fact even simple situations matter to him.

The main myths of baby crying:

1. It will just pass. Some parents think that let him cry, he will calm down and everything will be forgotten. In fact, any negative states are reflected in the psyche of a growing person.
2. "Men do not cry" - instilled in boys from childhood. As a result, they are forced to drive their experiences inside. the negative accumulates, this leads to disorders of the nervous system and somatic diseases in the future.
3. Children cry over nothing. Everything matters to a child. He still does not know how to distinguish between the significant and the insignificant. The machine broke down - this is an important and offensive event for him.

Cry- a natural reaction of the psyche to an irritant, so you should not scold a child for such an emotional manifestation.

How to understand the cause of hysteria in a child and help him calm down? The main types of tantrums:

Why does he whine about everything?

Whining a baby for any reason can mean lack of attention.

If the mother is more concerned about her problems, and the child annoys her, he tries by any means to become noticeable.

Whining happens in families where an unhealthy atmosphere- quarrels, problems household plan. The child can also adopt the behavior of significant adults - if one of them is used to complaining, then the preschooler unconsciously begins to copy it.

Some children have hyperemotionality, that is hypersensitivity. In this case, tears arise easily and at the slightest provocation. You should take into account this property of the psyche, perhaps visit a specialist.

However strong reason for anxiety it should not be - it is just a special property of the nervous system, a melancholic temperament.

What to do if the baby is constantly freaking out and yelling?

How to wean a child to throw tantrums and whine for any reason? First of all it is important to determine the cause. Then tantrums will be easier to prevent.

With each time, it becomes more and more difficult to prevent tantrums. Parents are lost with violent manifestations, they themselves begin to scream or try to appease the baby.

In severe cases tantrums can be repeated up to 10-15 times a day, which exhausts parents and especially the child himself.

In advanced cases, it is still better to visit child psychologist consultation.

Having studied the characteristics of the family, methods of education, the state of the nervous system of the baby, the accompanying stresses, he will give recommendations on how to most safely cope with the violent emotional and uncontrollable behavior of the child.

What to do if the child constantly whines? Psychologist's advice:

Weaning hysteria in 10 months-1 year

Parents need learn to keep calm. The child adopts the emotional state of loved ones, and especially the mother. If the mother herself is nervous, irritated with the baby, then his psyche becomes unstable.

To prevent the beginning of a tantrum, you should calm down yourself. Talk to your child slowly and quietly. Screaming will only increase the fear and crying.

child at this age can be easily distracted- give a toy, turn on the music, pay attention to the animal.

At 2-3-4 years old

At this time of hysteria are the most frequent.

They can be spontaneous, occur at night when the baby suddenly wakes up and starts screaming.

Usually by the age of four the seizures are gone, but with the wrong approach, they manifest themselves at a later age.

Parents' actions:

• follow the regimen. At wrong mode V biological clock a failure occurs, it is difficult for the body to tune in to wakefulness and rest, as a result, the child increases fatigue, irritability;
• teach your child to express their desires in words. No need to pressure and force, help him find the right words;
• if the child is easily excitable, minimize the likelihood of irritating factors;
• explain the reasons for the ban.

During an attack, parents should not respond to the cry.

One way is to go about your business, turn away slightly, but in such a way that you can control what is happening. Do yourself something interesting that will arouse children's curiosity.

At 5-6 years old

A child at this age is already quite conscious. He can understand the consequences of certain actions, distinguishes wrong actions.

To prevent tantrums, you must:

In this age getting ready for school, they begin to demand more and more from the child, they teach him the norms of behavior. The baby has fears. Stress accumulates and spills out in hysterical fits.

To patronize, to cherish excessively, to fulfill any whims of the baby is not worth it. This will have the opposite effect.

If a child holds his breath during tantrums, don't be too scared. One of the methods is to blow lightly in the face, and the baby will reflexively take a breath.

Tantrums most often occur in the presence of certain family members, usually a grandmother or mother. Fathers are more calm and consistent, so emotional outbursts are less common with him.

One way to get rid of children's tantrums - send the child to kindergarten. Children there behave differently.

In the absence of constant spectators who react to his seizures, the child will not fall into tantrums. There are other children that he will be ashamed of, and caregivers who cannot be manipulated.

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At 7-8 years and older

The period when the child enters a significant stage - starts going to school.

For him, this is a new environment, the need to follow the rules, learn lessons, communicate with a large number of children, obey the requirements of parents and teachers.

At this age, tantrums may occur for the first time or continue those that accompanied the development of the baby for recent years because the parents did nothing.

What to do at this age:

• explain the restrictions. After 7 years, the child already knows what is acceptable and what is not;
• draw his attention to the inadmissibility of such behavior;
• note that his peers do not behave this way;
• parents should agree among themselves on the methods of education so that there are no contradictions when one allows and the other prohibits;
• don't give up and don't change decision. If the child achieves his own behavior, then the attacks will be repeated again.

After the tantrums you need establish tactile contact- hug, take by the hand. Then you can talk, calm down. Tantrums are more characteristic of capricious and excitable children, so you need to pay attention to surrounding the child with a calm environment.

If convulsions occur during tantrums, consciousness suffers, then it is better to seek advice from a neurologist or visit a psychologist.

What can't be done?

There are activities that can harm a child and exacerbate tantrums.

It is useful for parents to learn to anticipate the onset of a tantrum. Preventing it before it starts is easier than calming down a screaming baby.

If a child, using tantrums, still learns to get his way, this may have long-term consequences. From a capricious preschooler, he turns into unruly teenager. Therefore, at the first seizures, urgently start looking for the causes and ways to eliminate them.

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Many parents experience tantrums in children between the ages of one and three or four. The first tantrums can begin after a year and a half and reach a peak by 2.5 - 3 years, when the famous "crisis of three years" occurs. Older children already have a good vocabulary, can identify their feelings and express them in an acceptable way, and tantrums fade.

The causes of hysteria in a child, as a rule, come down to the fact that his own interests and desires do not coincide with the requirements of adults. "Classic" situations that can lead to a tantrum:

• the child does not get what he wants;
• he was torn away from an exciting activity;
• he is overtired;
• wants the attention of parents;
• plays games that he cannot win due to age or developmental features;
• he fails to put on verbal form their desires and experiences.

When a child is 2 years old, constant tantrums are not considered evidence of any developmental disabilities, on the contrary, this is the so-called “mini-teenage” crisis that must be overcome so that in adolescence you do not have to deal with much big problems work out the stages of growing up.

The child shows negativism in relation to the requirements of an adult, becomes stubborn, trying to defend his opinion and force his parents to reckon with his desires, becomes obstinate, goes across accepted rules family behavior. It is not surprising that with all these signs of a new stage of growing up, the child has frequent tantrums. If you have a child, at 2.5 years old, tantrums can happen in the house 2-3 times a week or more.

Child's night tantrums

It happens that a child wakes up at night with a tantrum, while he does not know what he wants, and it is very difficult to calm him down.

As a rule, in a child, a night tantrum begins no earlier than an hour after falling asleep, and is the result of a nightmare that can return several times during the night.

The child wakes up with hysterics, with eyes wide open in fear, heavy breathing, covered in sweat. With night terror syndrome, a child wakes up in hysterics at night, does not recognize his parents, pushes them away, moves erratically, beats others and himself, without realizing it. During this period, it is not possible to distract or calm the child in any way, you just have to make sure that he does not inflict any damage on himself during an attack.

This condition is not considered pathological and does not in itself indicate a neurological or psychiatric disorder. As a rule, children simply "outgrow" it.

Usually, in the morning, the baby no longer remembers how he behaved at night, therefore, if the child has a tantrum before going to bed, then it is definitely not associated with the fear of nightmares.

How to deal with a child's tantrum

If a child has constant tantrums, it is worth observing his behavior and daily routine. Before deciding how to deal with a child's tantrums, you need to consider how to prevent their occurrence. Here are ways you can try:

• provide the baby with rest, including a full day's sleep, to prevent overwork;
• make sure that all the natural needs of the child are met immediately (food, water, sleep);
• allocate enough free time for games;
• to enable the child to feel like an adult: to dress independently, go down the stairs, build a tower from the designer;
• talk to the child using active listening: “I see that you are angry”, “I understand that you are upset because you lost the toy”, and so on. This is how we help the child understand his feelings and control them;
• indicate the boundaries of behavior: “It’s clear to me that you are angry, but you can’t fight”;
• give the right to choose - you can start with the illusion of choice: “Will you eat meat with rice or meat and potatoes?”, “Which shirt will you wear today - blue or green?”;
• distract the child with a request for help as soon as the first attempts to cry began: “Please take the dirty mug back to the kitchen.”

But if none of the above helps, and the child has a tantrum, what should I do? The best option- just stay close to him, remain calm, do not give in to his demands, do not physically punish, and, if the child agrees, hug him.

Parents should carefully monitor, first of all, their behavior, calmly resolve conflict situations, avoid quarrels and abrupt actions so as not to give the child a reason to copy their own hysterical behavior.

After the storm has passed, it is worth discussing what happened in an embrace with the child, voicing what upset him, what feelings he experienced. Be sure to confess your love to your baby so that he understands that even when he misbehaves, he is still loved.

Appeal to specialists

If a child constantly falls asleep with a tantrum, during the day his behavior becomes more and more aggressive, he causes damage to himself and others - this may be evidence neurological disease. Be sure to contact a specialist (primarily a neurologist) if during a tantrum the child loses consciousness, the tantrum ends with vomiting, sudden lethargy, and also if tantrums continue after the age of four.

The whims and tantrums of children cause a lot of inconvenience to parents. But often adults themselves are to blame, says psychologist Anna Bykova: instead of daytime sleep drag the baby into shopping mall, or do not warn that it is time to end the game soon, or do not know how to switch attention. Here are ways that work when the tantrum has not yet begun, but may soon happen.

It’s more likely not even about a tantrum when a child falls to the floor, beats with his hands, feet, and sometimes with his head, but about any loud baby crying, caused by two reasons: "I want!" or "I don't want to!", which is difficult for the adult psyche to endure.

I divide such crying into three types: whims, demands, protest. The criterion is the child's awareness of his desire.

If the child knows exactly what he wants, and weeping seeks to be granted it, - this requirement.

If a child knows exactly what he does not want, this is a protest.

If a child does not know what he wants, if he does not want anything, everything just annoys him - these are whims.

The reasons why the "whim" visits the child:

• Overwork (this can lead to a violation of the daily routine, a change of scenery, an abundance of new experiences).
• Malaise.
• Alien Bad mood(children are good at reading the emotional state of loved ones).

If these are whims, then it is useless to provide educational influences in this moment. We must try to calm ourselves, calm the child, feed him, put him to bed - whatever the situation is.

The child has a tantrum: what to do?

Sasha was two and a half years old when he threw his first and, perhaps, the brightest tantrum. It happened in an IKEA store. Children's department. Wooden Railway V assembled nailed, like an exhibit, to a vertical shield. Sasha wants bright wooden trains.

I give him a box of trains, but Sashka wants exactly the ones nailed down. I explain that those - do not come off. I give Sasha a try to tear the nailed exhibit off the wall. Again I offer locomotives in a box. But Sasha wants exactly the trains from the wall. He falls to the floor in hysterics.

I pick it up and put it in the cart, hoping that now I will quickly get my screaming son to the checkout, pay for the selected product, and then switch my son’s attention from hysteria to ice cream. He, continuing to yell, arches and tries to get out of the cart, throws the engines in the box on the floor.

And at this moment stranger woman starts yelling at me: "What kind of mother?! The child is hysterical!" (Well, of course, otherwise I didn’t notice without it ...) Holding Sasha in the cart, I taxi to the finish line. A strange woman blocks my way. Apparently, so that I could listen to her tirade: "They give birth, but they don't know how to educate!"

I analyze the situation. If I now enter into a debate with her, I will no longer be able to remain calm: the risk of emotional infection is too high. Two screaming my psyche can not stand. As a result, I move away from the woman, leaving the cart with the goods. Sasha arches in my arms, kicks.

I leave the store, sit down on the nearest bench, take the child on my knees. With one hand, hugging, I fix Sasha's hands, with the other hand I fix his legs. And I begin to shake it gently. Two minutes later, Sasha fell asleep.

It was my mistake to take my child to the store during the afternoon nap. If he had not been overworked, we would have been able to calmly agree with him. The best way to cope with tantrums is for those who simply do not provoke them. If I had had the sense to go around the toy department, Sasha would not have seen the train.

"Out of sight, out of mind" technique very effective for preventing hysteria-requirements "I want what I can't." We remove from the eyes of the child what he should not take. How less baby, the more strongly I recommend to observe this rule. I remember how I took my two-year-old son from the kindergarten on a longer road, but we did not meet provocateurs on the way: swings, stalls with sweets and a toy store.

Children's tantrums and switching attention

How to explain to your daughter that sweets are not allowed? She has allergies. We explain to her, we say that her tummy will hurt, but she still screams and demands.

How old is the daughter?

Two and a half.

Why not just take sugar out of the house? There will be no temptation - there will be no tearful demands.

Husband can't live without sweets. He is ready to refuse sweets, but he needs cookies and waffles at home. Yes, and I love them too.

I imagined a picture in colors: a little girl watches in tears as her dad puts one waffle after another into his mouth. In general, it is strange, the adults themselves are not ready to refuse, but for some reason they expect that their two-year-old daughter will easily refuse sweets.

You can, of course, continue to explain to the child that she can’t have sweets, but mom and dad can. Sooner or later she will accept this fact. This is if you have the strength to withstand her crying. And you can just not provoke. There are waffles when the daughter is sleeping, for example.

You can also use in this situation reception "Switching attention". Offer a permitted treat instead of a forbidden waffle. It will work if the product is really perceived by the child as a treat, if it appears suddenly, as a pleasant surprise, and if "Mmm, how lucky you are, but dad can't do this."

"Switching Attention" is especially effective when used with toddlers. The smaller the child, the more effective the reception. We show the child a new bright irritant, we promise another, more interesting activity, distracting from what cannot be taken. Attention becomes more and more stable with age, so it becomes more and more difficult to switch.

In order to always have something to switch attention to, it would be good to have a supply of "anti-crisis toys" to which the child does not have access. These can be small toys with a clockwork mechanism. A toy that moves by itself easily attracts attention.

For a walk in kindergarten during the period of work as a teacher, I usually took bubble and balloons. Somehow it always worked. In a situation where there are ten scoops for twenty children, crying "I want this scoop, but it does not give back" is almost inevitable. But it was worth saying "Look what I have!" and start blowing bubbles, several useless scoops immediately formed.

How to avoid hysteria? agree

There is another technique that helps to avoid hysteria - "Conditional Agreement". The formula is: "Yes, of course, only later" or "Yes, but ..."

"Yes, of course, he will give you a scoop. Now he will dig a little, and then he will give you." This phrase is perceived with less emotional outburst than "No, he took first." When the child hears "no", he begins to protest, and all subsequent arguments bounce off him. When he hears "yes", there is a chance to negotiate.

"Yes, of course, we will play, but first we will sleep a little, and then we will play."

"Yes, I understand that you still want to walk, but it's time to return. Let's think about what interesting home let's do it?"

It is important for the child that he was heard, that he was understood and that he was agreed with him.

"Yes, I understand that you want compote right now. But it's still very, very hot. Let's blow on it together."

"Yes, I understand that you want to go to the store, but today there is absolutely no time at all. Let's go tomorrow."

(Just in case, I remind you that promises made to a child must be kept. It is wrong to promise something that you are not going to do, just so that right now the child does not cry.)

Reception is not universal, not always and not with all children works. But maybe someday it will come in handy.

Reception "Drag and drop". Part game situation moving to a new environment. To feed the young builder, instead of "Leave the bricks, let's go eat soup," you can announce that the crew is on a lunch break. And if you want to take a child out for a walk, who builds a cave for dinosaurs from pillows, offer him to feed the herbivores with fresh greens.

To avoid hysteria, warn in advance

There are many tears when a child is addicted to a game, and adults need to interrupt this game for some reason. Either it's time for dinner, or go home, or sleep. It can be difficult to stop the game instantly, and here it will do. reception "Warning".

It is better to warn the child in advance, to give time to finish, to help bring the plot of the game to its logical conclusion. In order for the pyramid to be assembled, the train had time to finish its route, all the fairies returned safely to their beds, and the winner was determined in the duel of robots.

After all, as adults, it can also be difficult for us to abruptly switch from one type of activity to another. It takes some time to put the matter on pause, bringing it to its logical point. Finish a chapter, finish a letter, watch a news story, finish cleaning. It is clear that if something emergency happens, we will drop everything and run. But it will be stressful.

For a child, a sudden switch to another activity is also stressful. He reacts to stress with tears. If nothing urgent has happened, I consider it possible to show respect for the child’s activities, to help complete the work with which he this moment busy.

This technique also works with older children. There was a period when I was very annoyed that I had to wait a long time for the children to the table, to call several times. They usually came running after an ultimatum: "If you don't come now, I won't feed you!"

Once, while visiting my mother, I myself found myself in the role of such a child. Mom called me to the table, and it was very important for me to finish the chapter before the thought flew out. I was so carried away by the completion process that I woke up only on the question: "It's almost cold. Would you like to warm it up? Or put it in the refrigerator already?" Since then, I began to negotiate with the children when (what time) we have dinner, so that by this time they would try to complete all the work.

How to understand that the child has grown

Reception "Alternative question". This technique is found in all textbooks on sales and negotiations. And it is considered the most primitive. It is also called "choice without choice".

I explain. The adult makes a decision, but invites the child to choose the accompanying conditions: "Shall we take a ball or a bicycle for a walk?" It works like this: the child is included in the choice with a question and at the same time automatically agrees with the decision. "Will you collect cars or soldiers first?" - keyword here "gather".

True, the reception does not work for long. From the age when a child is able to make a choice, to the age when he is able to reject both options. And then mom will hear: “I don’t want to go out today!”, “I won’t collect anything!”. That's when we rejoice that the child has grown up, and without flirting we put him before the fact: "I decided so, we are now going out into the street." So it's time to learn to endure frustration.

But there is another stage of the child's interaction with this technique: when the child uses it against you. Be ready to hear: "Mom, choose, you buy me a pony or a unicorn", "Mom, choose, I'll eat one candy or two now."

Reception "Substitution of concepts". A classic example from a famous movie: "Breakfast in kindergarten is canceled! Instead of breakfast, we're flying into space! They took a space instrument!"

Use the reception well at the age of about three years. This is such a cute age when a child very often says "No!" and "I won't!", defending their right to their own opinion. Through "no" he separates himself from adults, feels individual. ("If I say no to mom, then I'm not a mom.")

Feeling autonomy is so important that he can say "no", even if he basically agrees or really, really wants to. But more than that, he wants to say no.

Imagine a kindergarten and a whole group of "netok" three-year-olds. All the same, you need to take everyone out for a walk, seat everyone at the table, and then also put everyone in bed, despite their “no” ...

No! I won't wear boots!

Well, then let them jump on your legs! (The intonation is emotionally playful.) The shoes scatter, the right one overtakes the left one and - op! - jumps on the leg!

No, I won't eat!

Okay, let's not eat. Let's just sit at the table, let's see how the guys eat ... Look, pasta is floating in the soup! Let's catch them.

We catch all the pasta in turn with a spoon (naturally, we send it to the mouth). And then we catch potatoes ... You can call lunch fishing - they replaced one concept with another, and the goal was achieved.

A note for those who doubt the ethics of using this technique, considering it a deception, and it is not good to deceive children. Of course, it is not good to deceive, and not only children. Only in this case it's not cheating, it's a game.

The game is the leading activity of the child. It is natural for a child to play, so he will be much more enthusiastic about the activity that is presented as a game. This is an adjustment to the picture of the world of the child, and not a deception. Deception is when an adult says: "Eat soup, I'll give you candy," and then: "Oh, but there is no candy, she ran away."

No! I won't sleep!

Okay, don't sleep. We won't sleep. We will just lie on the bed and wait for mom to come.

The child agrees, and five minutes later falls asleep, because he really wants to sleep ... But he "did not sleep" in the kindergarten. He was so "waiting for his mother."

Okay, you can't sleep. Just help the bunny sleep. Bunny wants to sleep, but one is afraid to fall asleep. You hug the bunny and lie down next to him. Show the bunny how to close its eyes.

Five minutes later, the child is asleep, and the hare, having completed its mission, is lying on the floor under the bed.

No! I will not undress!

Okay, don't undress. No need. Lie down like this. Let's just free the tummy. The tummy needs a break from the rubber bands and buttons on the pants. Let the tummy rest, we'll take off our pants, but we won't undress.

No! I won't go for a walk!

Fine. Let's not go for a walk today. We're going to look for treasure! Do you have a spatula? Take a shovel and let's go quickly before another group dug up the treasure.

Mom, get up! Get up! Go play!

And mom is not something to play - she can’t open her eyes. To the prayers: "Let's lie down for another five minutes" - the child answers with a lively impatient refusal.

Here comes the saving idea:

Let's play bear. I am a mother bear and you are my bear cub. This is our lair. We are in winter hibernation.

It turned out, by the way, not even five minutes, but much longer. I find it difficult to say how much time passed before I heard a quiet: "Mom, I'm already tired of playing bears," but my eyes opened without any effort.

Reception also works for a short time. But do not be upset if the child has outgrown this technique. This means that he is already big enough to face the reality in which parents can demand from the child to do something without any flirting.

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Discussion

Honestly, my daughter is 2 years old, her impudent hysteria quickly began to inflame to atomic states, I had to use the most ancient method on the planet, which many creatures use: a hard rubber slipper on the ass, the next day and the next like silk. The main thing is not to give up. Amazing effect in one go. Perhaps the problem is individual for each family. Our grandfather brought up with a look, that is, there was an “educational” whip on the wall, and when the child was naughty, he looked at the whip and then at the child, if the child had already tasted it, then he already knew that a visual remark was enough, grandfather never shouted and did not swear. All the children obeyed his gaze. Therefore, all the grandchildren were sent to him for behavioral correction, and there were more than 2 dozen of them. Grandma is the mother of a heroine, and grandfather is the father of a heroine :). Firstly, you need to minimize interaction with gadgets, this affects his psyche, even mom is less friendly with smartphones and tablets, except for the working order. Secondly, dad must accept active participation in everything from diapers to feedings, from walks to going on a sleeping pill. A child needs to be brought up from the moment of conception :)), so we exclude hysteria when he wants to sleep, or is overexcited, you can always throw off his whims, turn him upside down, or put him on his neck, or make a hide-and-seek, a lot of opportunities for fantasy. Try to make the child also have some kind of hobbies to help parents, let's say he treated mom or dad, helped drag the washed clothes or collect toys. The child needs to be played, as they do with musical instrument and then play and train. He does this by expanding his capabilities and skills. It is from our experience that he will absorb the basics of behavior and thinking. There are useful educational channels on YouTube: pancakes, baby einstein, tini love cartoons and cartoons of Soviet origin (although for me this is selective) the rest is harmful slag, but at least I didn't find a better one. Good luck and patience (wisdom) to you in raising children! It is we who create the future not only of the country but of humanity as a whole!

01/27/2019 17:15:45, Kind Papa

Comment on the article "How to prevent a tantrum in a child 2-3 years old: 7 tricks"

How to prevent a tantrum in a child 2 - 3 years old: 7 tricks. Causes of whims in children. The child has a tantrum: what to do? Children's tantrums and switching attention. Someone else's bad mood (children are good at reading the emotional state of loved ones).

Discussion

Pick up after lunch. The child was simply not ready for the garden. Start driving to other developmental activities. You are at home, so you can handle the situation quite well. We have a child and walks until dinner and rarely stays until the evening. As a result, we get terrible tantrums and psychoses. We are waiting for it to outgrow, we do not pedal. We go to development. But it’s important for the child to go home later, and not to a team where there are a lot of people. Tired of communication.

Why do you think the child is depressed? The description sounds more like fatigue. Try NOT to disturb your child after kindergarten. We met, hugged and calmly drove home WITHOUT talking, WITHOUT long walks.
I will also join the advice to pick up BEFORE sleep. Walk with the younger, take the older one home, put both of them to sleep for at least 1.5-2 hours. After quiet time only quiet games, walk before going to bed, bathroom.
I do not advise you to pick up abruptly from kindergarten right now. Then there will be a problem to start walking again.

08/14/2018 09:34:42, Epsona

Section: Medicine / children (The child throws tantrums). Hysterics normal child or psychiatry. I gave mine half a tablet on time or after a tantrum, after twenty minutes there was no strength left to hysteria. And in the 5th grade, tired of her tantrums when completing my lessons, gave...

Discussion

Psychos have demonstrative tantrums. Yours is neurological. Yes, puberty kicks in. Over at the Khimki girl, the boys also began to sob. It happens, Th.

You have dysarthria, if I'm not mistaken. So neuroscience. The description is similar to a neurosis of 1 degree. we have similar problems, we go to a neurologist, we drink courses of medicine several times a year. It is forbidden to overwork, we swim 3 times a week. In principle, everything has stabilized with our friends for a year (we still have additional problems.) If you are in Moscow, then I can advise a good neurologist.

29.05.2018 18:02:17, also with dysarthria

tantrums. Problem. Teenagers. Parenting and relationships with adolescent children: transitional age, problems at school I understand that my nerves are failing, but what should I do? I can't watch, my heart bleeds. At the same time, he obviously does not for show, but for people ...

Discussion

Adolescence the most serious of all periods of a person's life. At this time, the adolescent hormonal explosion- cries often or euphoria - an explosion of emotions, brains. The body is formed and takes all the energy. The level of culture and trust in the family is very important for a teenager: calmness of parents, respect, care, offer of help, do not scold or criticize, in short - the main thing from parents is support and love, look from the positive.
Let your daughter talk about herself, about her feelings, and not about the person through whose fault she allegedly has problems!
Suppression of feelings leads to diseases of both psychological and physical nature.
If you want me to personally help you. then subscribe to me free consultation in which we will clarify what you should do right now in your particular personal situation.
Lyudmila Eskova, consultant on personal issues and family relations
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I don't want to scare! BUT! My daughter with primary school studied: chess (Moscow Championship), choreography, violin (she graduated from a music school), horseback riding, swimming (sports school). Studied for 4-5. She herself passed the OGE and entered the medical class. Everything was fine. And then she closed herself in, "everything is fine," but without revelations. I attributed it to a transitional age. Tantrums began, too, not for everyone, then thoughts of suicide. We went to a psychologist, then to a psychiatrist. Ta-dam! Diagnosis, antidepressants, antipsychotics... And now my daughter is important to me, not her studies and achievements. And it all started so well!

02/06/2018 20:11:21, MAMI

The child is hysterical. Girls, can someone advise how to be! Hysteria in a child: what to do? I have not heard tantrums from the child during meals, and there are excesses: he calls my elder and says how much he misses him, how he loves, and is waiting for a visit.

Discussion

Hemoglobin was low, 90 total. Therefore, immediately prescribed treatment. You can also suffer from a lack of vitamin D nervous system child. But in the summer, in the sun, this is not true.

06/10/2015 10:10:25 AM, from Siberia

Many thanks to all who answered! I realized that this is a variant of the norm and she is not the only one. It's just that this year "ate" her, and because of this problem with her husband, it seems to him that this is a lack of education. And she asks for help, and I can actually help only when he is sleeping (For all that, he is insanely cute and restless, and I love him very much)

Children's age-related psychology: child's behavior, fears, whims, tantrums. Lately, I regularly meet children's tantrums in terrifying forms. In those cases that passed before my eyes, one hundred percent of the fault of the parents.

Discussion

Surround with love, tastier food, give gifts, go shopping, pierce your ears, do not express your opinion until you ask. Help in everything, solve her problems. She feels like she's been abandoned by you. I say to my people: hush, hush, now let's see what can be done! And I do something to solve her problems. About the dog - that hurts, yes. Maybe there are breeds that are not allergic? Traveling is not a reason to deny a child a friend who is really needed during her tantrums. Health - yes, this is a reason. Alternatively, you can say that you will grow up, you will live separately, you will start, and I will walk with her while you are at work))

how else can she let off steam in a closed living space
yes, she is dissatisfied with herself, in an emotional impasse
How can she let off that steam?
why the earrings did not please you - she is 9 years old and not months old
only now they need to be looked after, and sometimes they get inflamed, and sometimes they don’t learn to change the earring and have to be pierced, in short, it’s still a hassle
if she is not afraid and she is ready for it - well, pierce, sometimes such a trifle helps
you can’t help with a dog, but you can try volunteering in a kennel if she has such a love for dogs, and not the whim “I want a live toy”
this is neurology - through hysteria, the nervous system is discharged and it is easier for a person
but this means that the tension is critical, it would be better to dump it in advance - even with tears, even with loud singing, at least with something else
gymnastics is apparently not right, there is not a free release of energy, but tight control over the body, the tension spring is twisted even more
you need something not professional - try trampolines, not a professional in the section, but fitness, there - freedom of flight

It seems to me that a child of 10 years old can already be told everything as it is. And that my mother died - too. And then he has some misunderstandings, and he may believe that you are lying to him. Section: Whims and tantrums (child psychology, a child of 2.9 years old arranges tantrums and a psychologist and a neurologist ...

Discussion

Thank you all very much!

Due to problems with the War, I missed your post. IMHO, there should always be phenibut at home. If a hysteria begins or preparation for it 1/2 tons on a full stomach and a nightmare does not occur.
And in vain, IMHO, we went to the "bioroots" - this communication, IMHO, should be postponed to the more adult age of the child.
You have the right to get sick and feel bad, you do not have to live up to the "ideal image of the foster mother" every day. When I'm not well, I occupied almost 10 small ones ... with cartoons and cleaning around the house. He likes to get out - go ahead). And yet, why not use a normal camp for the holidays?

Discussion

Read Townsend's book "Children, Limits, Limits." The psychologist recommended to us.
A lot fell into place. Just need to work. Education in this matter requires the self-discipline of parents. But it works. Helped us a lot with our son. Well, plus advice. The reasons may be different. As we were explained that 7 years of crisis - separation from parents, school, a new role for students, and so on. much has been written on the internet
And I highly recommend the book.

I think that at this age, tantrums should be present.

The third - with hysteria, cold washing, mother's hugs and speaking of teeth. We leave the child alone with a tantrum, someday we may be in this place What to do after a tantrum? You have the right to get sick and feel bad, you don't have to...

Discussion

Well, this is modest for you, here we have 2.5 hours without stopping. There are a lot of options here: 1. stroke and say soothing words. 2. not to stroke, but to provoke a reason - to talk about why we cry, if the child is already older than 3 years old .. 3. switch switch, for example, a bath helps us - cold water and dousing. All in all, it's different every time. Sometimes, in general, the child himself says - I want to cry, I teach emotions to pronounce. When he starts to cling to any occasion to provoke a tantrum - we sit down and say - cry, cry like that and he catches on, I help and he cries, sometimes howls that he was abandoned, then he calms down, I give some water, I iron and falls asleep. But our adaptation lives with us for half a year .. Therefore, experiment :)

bear with me mother, this is the age... from two to 2.5 years old we had such concerts... just atas... it's not because of the garden, but because of overwork, or maybe she doesn't get enough attention...

Whims, tantrums. A child from 1 to 3. Raising a child from one to three years old: hardening and development, nutrition and illness, daily routine and development We have been living with my wife for six months, I have her second husband, two children remained from my first marriage, a daughter of 5 years and my son is 3 years old, I'm fine to...

Discussion

We have been living with my wife for half a year, I am her second husband, two children remained from my first marriage, a daughter of 5 years and a son of 3 years, I normally treat them as my own, though my son is boorish and ill-mannered, but I do not pay attention. So, their wife raised them alone for 2 years and spoiled them, there are a lot of toys, they eat at least a kilogram of sweets per day and play with them all the time and teach them to read, write and the like, plus it works, and besides, this is all that loves them madly, does everything for them, and I look from the side and see that they really don’t care about anything, they just feel comfortable sitting on her neck, they don’t understand at all that their mother is tired, that they want to relax, that at least on the weekend she can sleep longer in the morning, or at lunchtime, that is, they wake up early, but let them play, but don’t get her from the very morning, they would give her at least a little rest, but it wasn’t there, once he wanted to slap his son for disobedience, in response he heard - “don’t you dare beat my children", well, in short, I don’t participate in educating, because sometimes I want to educate with a whip, figuratively speaking, and she only gingerbread and fusses to them, this was a prehistory, now to the suia, in general, somehow they go to bed at 10 pm, at 5 o’clock in the morning the whole house can be heard, and even at 3 o'clock in the morning - moms, I can't sleep, can i come to you? Moreover, as one can charge it, so can the other, the mother will tell them a story - sleep, the second, then, okay, and goes to our bed, tossing and turning here, she herself or herself doesn’t sleep and doesn’t give us, I say once say it’s normal, they say adults, sleep in your bed and don’t yell, but try to fall asleep and be silent, but of course they still come without asking, and I say send it back, they will roar, take offense at night, then in the morning it’s all the same how they will be silk, without a mother, nowhere , neither tie your shoelaces nor wipe your ass, to which my wife always answers me - they say it’s none of your business, like, I bring it up the way I want. Attention experts, the question is, should I then live with this family? if we all live together, and only she educates, and she doesn’t educate, but pampers, one can only say, but both of us go to work in the morning, not sleeping and tired, I would understand if she said, they say I’m raising I don’t I get enough sleep, like, and so on, but you seem to be normal, they don’t bother you. And so we all live together, but you can’t count words for me, but you can only swallow everything

29.01.2019 04:52:13, Maksgreen

07/16/2018 10:56:09 PM

Hysteria in a child: what to do? There are many ways to get a child out of hysterics. But which one will help - look for mom. How to bring a child out of hysterics? The tantrum starts from scratch, it is usually so stupid and the reasons for the tantrum change five times at a time.

Discussion

Thank you all very much for your replies! I understand that such tantrums are most likely associated with violations of the regime / lack of sleep, and since we have now flown away to rest, everything reappeared at the time of perestroika. It doesn't look like epilepsy, but we will discuss our problems with a neurologist upon our return. I hope that in general we will outgrow all these badies!

The average blood from a hysterical cry fainted. Turned out to be rickets. They began to give courses of vitamin D3 or fish oil (possible in capsules), and everything went away. If the break between courses of vitamin D was long, fainting began again.

And my friend interacted with her like that. If the daughter began to roll up, she calmly said: "Do you want candy?" (at the usual time, she was not given much candy, it was a rarity in our house). The daughter immediately answered: "Yes!", And the fainting state no matter how it happened! :)

Tantrums in a child at 2 years old usually occur because of this. We also survived the crisis two years of age. Section: Education (a child at the age of 7 sometimes cries). the boy is 8 years old, and sometimes we cry over trifles. we can shed a tear when we saw in time that we missed ...

Discussion

There are such children - maximalists and very demanding of themselves. Self-esteem is not that low, but rather the so-called "complex of excellent students"
It is important here not to let them get hung up: if a child begins to enter such a "wedge" with tantrums, it is necessary, in fact initial stage distract him (without focusing on the fact that this is done on purpose). maybe even for a short time. offer to drink tea or take a little walk, or just make you laugh) After even a short rest, things will go much better.

And yet, even though you rejected an erasable pen from below, I think that the girl needs, first, to pick up good pen and notebooks with suitable paper. The fact is that everyone has it individually (strength of hands, pressure, etc.) Go with your daughter to the Olimpiyskiy yard on the weekend, there is a whole floor with pens, and notebooks are also different on another floor (if not Moscow, then find big stationery store and go there). Let the child try to write with different ballpoint and gel pens on different paper. If the line is thin enough, but clear, you can cross out neatly and there will be no special dirt.

If the dirt is erased, then the letters are "molded" close (if allowed, find notebooks where the lines are thinner) or the paper is bad. The paper must be good, so that when writing and erasing dirt does not occur. I do not call for erasing, in this version, even without erasing, it will become easier.

So the second stage, after choosing a pen and notebooks, teach you to write with noticeable indents between words, to cross out with one line, and not to gloss over. Take short breaks when the line of strikethroughs "went". At a minimum, relax your hands (this is both rest and a variant of calm). Praise the girl for small successes ("today is cleaner than yesterday, what a fine fellow"; "you wrote everything well, think about it, a couple of blots." Teach her to type on a computer so that in some cases (for example, for natural history) she could type And at the same time convince them that adults type more often than they write, so literacy is important, and calligraphy, if there is - good, no - will cost.
And, most importantly, find the strengths of the child and praise, help the girl find her area and find an "inner core" and her ambitions about good handwriting and other ideals it is better to score. You won’t put your hands on a person, which means you need to let go of the problem internally, and not just refuse to look into notebooks.

Whims and tantrums. Child psychology. See other discussions: Hysteria in a child: what to do? Hysterics. What to do if the child threw a tantrum in the store. Tantrums...

Discussion

I read it - as if a portrait was painted from my daughter. Only she is younger, 3 years old. I attributed everything to crisis 3 -years of age But now I'm wondering if he is.
Lena, don’t you associate tantrums with the physical well-being of your girl? In our country, for example, the main provoking factors are lack of sleep or hunger (he does not eat well in the kindergarten, so by the time he is taken away, he is already ready for a tantrum). But if you can somehow solve the problem with hunger, then it’s more difficult with lack of sleep.
Of course, you should take your daughter to a neurologist, but it seems to me that this will not solve the whole problem. The baby will not live on sedatives all the time.
And about spoiled is also doubtful. I am accused of the same, that from the first days I fulfilled all my desires, and now I am paying the price. And who did not perform them when the child is tiny?
read on the topic child behavior, observed other children, and came to the conclusion that there is simply some part of them, which, on its own, has a tendency to tantrums (as a doctor friend says, a weak nervous organization). Well, the child cannot control himself, immediately carries him to screams. And between the tantrums is quite a reasonable being. And mom lives like a mine the field is coming- what would not provoke.
I have found a few recipes for myself. In any case, give a shout and do not go on about. If the daughter demanded something by shouting, then she does not receive it in any case. I go out of my sight, close in the bathroom. It’s more difficult on the street, you have to distract with something incredible that comes to mind (in our 3 years it still helps ...). As soon as the main passions pass, I put them in a bath with toys, pour foam, give paints, special felt-tip pens, etc., whatever my fantasy tells me. Water is very relaxing. Well, sleep, the sooner the better.
In general, I hope that everything will pass with age. We just have to be patient. I look on the street at adult girls - they are so beautiful, calm, and maybe they were also hysterical in childhood. And everything passed. And you hope. In some program I heard - children are treated not with medicines, but with love. So we, mothers of screaming girls, need to love them for who they are.

13.08.2008 08:01:06, Natalia Dementieva

This also happens with us from time to time ... This is all age-related, of course, but the environment also leaves its mark. Moreover, it is not always obvious what is the decisive role in this.

Perhaps in your case, as in ours, there is an overabundance of attention and a limitation of the independence and responsibility of the child? How are you doing with this? Are you doing too much with her? Or for her? When I noticed this for myself and my grandmothers and tried to limit it, it became better.

In the last such period, we have Negative influence one teacher in the garden had an effect - she pressed her daughter very hard and teased her. But this is a separate story ... When I seriously talked with the teacher and began to track psychological condition daughters are getting better.

Well, the only one effective method the fight against tantrums with us is a strict restriction "I will not talk to you, do not explain anything until you calm down" and that's the point. This is not ignorance, and not indulgence. Strictly and clearly. And that's the only thing that works.

Well, in such periods, I give my daughter something soothing like valerianochel ... To relieve tension.

Night tantrums in a child. Hello, my daughter is almost 3 years old, she often has tantrums at night, she just wakes up in the middle of the night and my son (3 years old) has the same tantrums. We consulted with a sleep expert - this is normal, it does not affect the baby and his psyche ...

Discussion

I want to add that it’s worth checking if the girl has entered a growth spurt, that is, if she has grown more than 4 cm in six months, then a psychologist will not be enough, an orthopedist and a pediatrician are also needed to somehow determine whether vitamins are needed , calcium, special diet, etc.

Need to see a psychologist. In the meantime, read books about children after a divorce. Discuss the divorce with your daughter. There should be ideas in her head: 1) dad and mom love her, 2) mom will never leave and leave her, even if she behaves badly, 3) it’s not her fault that her parents broke up.
Constantly repeat that you love her, miss her, etc. Make comments - calmly and confidently, you can hug - it is important for her to know that an adult will stop her in time and will not allow her to completely peddle. You can use phrases from two halves - I love you, but you can’t do that. I'm sorry that you're upset, but you can't do that, because... Your calmness and firmness, as well as the observance of the usual rules of life, including prohibitions, she really needs now. The world turned out to be too unpredictable - we must once again show that it is structured and controlled - my daughter will be calmer.

Boom to know.
thanks again

I washed my baby cold water, pouring my hand would not have risen :) Our tantrums were of an organic nature due to the immaturity of the nervous system, therefore, I wiped his face with water, then took it in my arms. I could easily distinguish a tantrum from a whim :) I didn’t react to a whim or sat on a chair to calm down, the child knew that I would only talk to him after calming down, offered options, for example, drink some water and he understood that he was behaving like - it’s not like that, since mom is not mad and offers some water :) and I was looking for another way to get what I want ..

Tantrums. Crisis of 2 years of age. A child from 1 to 3. Raising a child from one to three years: hardening and development, nutrition and illness Timke 2 years 8 months, tantrums happen out of the blue. Just for no reason, I won’t do it, don’t need it, bring something I don’t know what ...

How do you get an adult out of a tantrum? give an external impetus. slap for example. and man emerges from the collapse. all the local advice can prevent hysteria, but words will not get through. unless of course this is a real hysteria and not a concert of a spoiled child.

09.11.2018 05:37:29, alexey1980

You know, we did not let the child cry until the age of 3 (doctors forbade it), i.e. they simply fulfilled all his reasonable desires, but he didn’t ask for anything unreasonable :) So, after that, his nervous system got stronger and he didn’t have tantrums from scratch, there was always a reason - most often fatigue and inability to control his emotions. I couldn’t foresee the beginning of the tantrum (or rather, I couldn’t always), so I just hugged him, trying to articulate his emotions, if he didn’t have enough words and we, as a rule, found a common language. But we thought that we had it because the child was spoiled (by non-refusals to him until this age), and then I found out that regardless of this, children have tantrums, which means it’s not about being spoiled, but that we don’t understand desire child .. and I don’t think that this is some kind of performance, well, let it be a performance, but it is not performed for the sake of pleasure, because the child in this situation is also bad. So here The best way bringing a child out of hysterics - do not bring him to this, no matter how trite it sounds, believe your mother hysterical child:)

Tantrums, stuttering - what to do? Lately some kind of nightmare is happening to us - I just don’t recognize my child. In principle, I believe that the neuropathologist did the right thing, and with my daughter's great love for the nipple (and after I weaned her from the breast at 1 year 8 months ...

Discussion

A very similar situation. Our Toshka was also absolutely normal, and then progressive stuttering began very suddenly ... Plus, the child is very reactive, mobile, excitable. In a word, at one time the sky seemed like a sheepskin. We went through many specialists. As a result, the problem was solved in the following way. Firstly, the child was transferred to a speech therapy kindergarten, where, in addition to playing, a speech therapist worked with him every day. He taught not only to speak correctly, but also to overcome stuttering itself. It turns out that there are many effective methodologies. Secondly, we began to introduce a system of rituals in the evenings aimed at gradually calming the child and preparing him for sleep. All active games ended 2 hours before bedtime. Then there was dinner. Behind him are obligatory water procedures. Including soothing baths with herbal extracts. Then - indispensable cocoa. (The son of "Nesquik" fell in love very much ... :)) Then - the ritual of putting on pajamas and putting to sleep soft toys. And then a bedtime story. At first it was hard, but for about three months the son got used to this ritual and the process, as they say, began. :)))

I also (like Svetlana) noticed that my daughter has a time when she falls asleep easily, and if she goes over, then it’s hard for her to fall asleep later. I'm the same, so I understand it. Well, then make sure that it doesn’t go over, of course, this is my concern. We had a difficult period after my birth - I left to give birth at night and returned after 2.5 days, and apparently my daughter was afraid that her mother might disappear at night. She slept very badly and woke up at night. It helped her that I sat-reclined next to her. It is very important to be patient and not scold or run away ahead of time. The improvement is not so fast, and every mother's breakdown pushes back again. It took us, it seems, about 2 months to return to a normal sleep schedule. We don't have rituals. You can really consider washing and brushing your teeth as a ritual. And I kiss and hug her when she is already in bed, and she me.
I would give her the pacifier back. I heard that important changes for a child should be made no more than once every three months. She's going through a stressful period. Well, pick up the pacifier a couple of months later.
Tantrums.. I wouldn't stop her from doing what she wants. Well, if he wants to jump, let him jump. There are worse vices... :)). And at the same time she would explain that if she would talk about it, and not shout, then it would be more pleasant for everyone. All failures must be explained in detail. Can you take a sick leave for a week? Good luck!