The person does not allow tactile contact. Location and hidden love

The development of communication technologies, which provide the possibility of communication using electronic means of communication, is aimed at bringing people together and gives close people the opportunity to see and hear each other from different corners the globe. But right now, despite the achievements of civilization, we, more than ever before, feel loneliness and emotional emptiness.

Remember Juan Mann, the founder of the Free Hugs movement, who suffered so much without human contact that he offered to hug strangers on the street? Try to compare yourself to Mann. How often do you feel lonely, craving more tenderness than you get? Maybe you want your spouse or partner to show love more and better? If any of these are familiar to you, then you are experiencing a common psychological problem, known as tactile hunger.

We need to satisfy our hunger, thirst, and get regular rest in order to function, but this list of needs rarely mentions tactile contact, which is why we often neglect the importance of hugs, handshakes, and kisses, even though research shows tenderness ranks just behind food, water, and rest on the list of needs. Touch is an urgent need as it brings emotional and physical sensation which cannot be obtained in any other way. Like neglect physiological needs leads to disastrous consequences, so tactile hunger can have a devastating effect on health: over time, anxiety increases and depressive thoughts appear.

Harry Harlow studied newborn monkeys weaned from their biological mother. They favored mannequins that were made from soft material even though they were not provided with proper nutrition. A dummy that could provide them with enough food, but was made of wire and steel, was rarely chosen by the cubs.

As expected, the monkeys' desire for emotional comfort exceeded their need for food. The same applies to people. During the Second World War, children who ended up in orphanages without maternal affection soon died.

Of course, there are times when, as we get older, we ourselves resist contact because we want to separate and become independent. But even then we experience a tactile hunger, and its main consequence in the perspective of life is a pathological feeling that we are not worthy of love.

A recent study of 509 adult men and women examined the mechanism of tactile hunger and associated social and health problems. The results were unexpected. People with high level of tactile hunger are less happy, more lonely, more likely to experience depression and stress, and their overall health is worse than that of people who are not deprived of tenderness. They have less social support and lower relationship satisfaction. They are more likely to experience anxiety disorders and other secondary immune disorders (acquired rather than hereditary). They are more prone to alexithymia, a condition that reduces the ability to express and interpret emotions. And finally, they tend to develop a detached lifestyle with little chance of building secure and lasting relationships.

These findings do not establish that tactile hunger causes all these negative states, but only that people who go through rejection are more prone to them. If you are one of those people, chances are these testimonies did not surprise you. Physical contact is essential for healthy lifestyle life, and we suffer when we don't get it.

Even married couples suffer from tactile hunger due to a lack of genuine affection. For example, a husband may pay more attention to his career than his wife, and a wife may be more interested in the life of her girlfriends than her husband, with corresponding consequences in emotional expression towards each other.

Sociologists have found that residents of the US and the UK suffer from tactile hunger the most in the world. The least affected by this problem are Greece, France, Italy and Spain. In the Mediterranean, it is normal for people to kiss and hug when meeting and parting. When you travel to African countries, you may find that strangers always ready to invade your personal space with a hug. For comparison, in American society, the topic of touch is taboo due to the presence of fine line between friendly touch and harassment, so with early childhood they are encouraged to stay in their bubble.

Dr. Tiffany Field, who has spent many years researching the benefits of human touch, explains:

“Many forms of touch help relieve pain, anxiety, depression and aggressive behavior, lower heart rate and blood pressure and improve air circulation in asthmatics; boost immune function and promote healing. So many benefits and no side effects!”

She and her colleagues found that children whose parents exhibited less tenderness, are doomed to grow up to be more verbally aggressive than children whose parents did not deny them affection. She explains that animals with sensory deprivation end up developing aggressive behavior, and humans suffer the same consequences.

Fortunately, you are not doomed or required to endure tactile hunger forever. Each of us has the opportunity to receive more love and tenderness. Remove right now mobile phone and share this moment with a loved one.

Article prepared on materials:

• Michael Gregory, Skin Hunger: 3 compelling ways to overcome loneliness. Self-development for introverts and highly sensitive people, May 6, 2015.
• Kory Floyd Psychology Today, August 31, 2013.

Do you like a man, but he does not pay attention to you? Seduce him, but in such a way that it remains invisible.

In relations between a man and a woman, the initiative behind the scenes belongs to stronger sex. It has been this way from time immemorial, because nature has not in vain entrusted men with the role of invaders, miners and conquerors. However, the modern world has somewhat erased gender boundaries. In our age, a woman can wear jeans and boots, hold leadership positions, and take care of her own provision. So why is it that the first step in a relationship taken by a woman is still considered something wrong, and rarely leads to success? It's simple - every woman is endowed with an amazing ability to charm and seduce, so the "rough" ways to achieve love turn out to be ineffective.

We all know that a woman should be inaccessible, modest and mysterious. However, in practice, it turns out that these qualities sometimes do us a disservice. Let's say you like a man, but you don't see from his side active action to win your heart and therefore do not know how he feels about you. Keeping in mind the notorious female inaccessibility, it would be logical to let the situation take its course, but then you run the risk of remaining in proud loneliness grieving over a failed romance. If you try on the image strong woman and tell directly young man about his feelings, most likely, this will cause him bewilderment, because. revealing all the cards to a man, you deprive him of the opportunity to show his innate hunting instinct. Obviously, with such subtle feeling, like love, you need to act very carefully, choosing the "golden mean" method. That is why we invite you to master the art of discreet seduction of men.

How to seduce a man without him noticing?

1. The right attitude

Our mood is like clothes. Just like a dress or a suit, it makes others pay attention to us and is an important part of the overall impression we make on people. As we set ourselves up, so things will develop. If you consider yourself insecure, unattractive and uninteresting, these are the qualities a man will see in you. Conversely, if you know that you, like any other person, have your own unique character traits, and focus on your positive qualities, it is from this side that others will characterize you.

The first step in seducing a man is your confidence. Surely you have noticed more than once that success in love depends not only on appearance, intelligence or character. Sometimes less attractive (by generally accepted standards) women attract men to them like a magnet, while their beautiful girlfriends can not arrange their personal lives. The secret of such “injustice” lies precisely in the fact that some women are initially set to win, while others subconsciously do not believe that they are worthy of love.

2. Non-verbal communication

Body language can express our feelings and intentions more accurately than speech. Have you noticed what happens to a woman while flirting with a man you like? Her body involuntarily turns towards the interlocutor, her hands begin to fiddle with her hair and rings, and her gaze acquires amazing softness and kindness. All these reactions are echoes of an ancient instinct, with the help of which, in cave times, people showed their sympathy towards each other. Despite the tremendous evolution, it is non-verbal signs attention is a decisive factor in the process of the birth of love between a man and a woman. You can talk to the object of your passion about the most prosaic and unromantic things, but if your body shows interest in a non-verbal way, the man’s subconscious mind reads this information and begins to act. properly. Notice how wisely nature has taken care of women's reputation: when seducing a man, we do not need to say a single word, and, therefore, it seems that we are by no means taking the first step.

How can we use this information for our own purposes? It is enough just not to be afraid to look a man in the eyes, to follow your facial expressions and gestures, using right moment non-verbal language.

3. Give a man attention

Absolutely all people, regardless of gender, are pleased to receive signs of attention and compliments. A person who is interested in us automatically goes into the category of interesting and pleasant personalities. That is why, when charming a man, do not skimp on the manifestation of emotions. Give the man subtle compliments, laugh at his jokes, continue the conversation he started, because. All this increases your importance in his eyes.

But, of course, you need to take care of a man in moderation, otherwise an imperceptible seduction will turn into a very specific and unambiguous imposition.

4. Establish tactile contact with a man

Tactile contact is a powerful signal of sympathy. We voluntarily touch only those people who are pleasant to us and subconsciously understand this moment. That is why be sure to use unobtrusive touch in the process of seducing a man. For example, remove the thread from his suit, give him something, ask him to hold your hand while you adjust the fasteners on your shoes, etc. All this looks innocent and unobtrusive, but at the same time, very seductive, and also takes your communication to a closer level.

5. Be seductive on the outside

Every man has his preferences female appearance. Someone likes blondes, and someone likes brunettes, someone is thin, and someone is full. However, there are some details that can charm absolutely all the representatives of the stronger sex. First of all, this refers to the femininity and accuracy of your image. It practically does not matter what exactly you will be wearing at the time of your meeting, but it is very important that your general image looked neat and moderately seductive.

And of course don't forget about pleasant aroma, because the aroma that we exude affects the receptors of the brain, forcing a man to pay attention to us. As a rule, men are pleased to feel light floral and slightly sweet smells.

The touch of one person to another is implied. In fact, this is the very first way of communication available to people, because when a person is just born, he is not yet able to perceive auditory and visual information adequately, unlike tactile sensations. Some psychologists believe that it is at this stage of communication that the foundations of future psyche person.

Types of tactile contacts

Traditionally, tactile contacts are divided into several types. First of all, these are the so-called "professional" touches. Doctors, massage therapists, stylists, tailors simply cannot do without tactile contact in his professional activity. As a rule, most people take such contacts calmly, realizing that they do not contain any additional information.

According to psychologists, women tend to perceive tactile contact more positively than men. Because of this, a positive reaction to touch is called "feminine".

The second group includes ritual touches. This is not about mystical practices, but about a completely familiar handshake or a welcome kiss on the cheek. It is known that the handshake, for example, appeared as a means of demonstrating and friendly intentions, but over time this welcoming touch has become almost an obligatory ritual.

Finally, the largest area in which tactile contact is used is the area interpersonal relationships. Touch here is a manifestation of affection, sympathy, kinship, sexual attraction. It can be hugs, kisses, a friendly pat on the shoulder or gentle strokes. The presence of stable tactile contact of this kind is effective marker, indicating a close relationship, for example, between and .

Tactile contact may indicate social status. Touching is most often allowed by those people who occupy a higher position in society, for example, a boss can slap a subordinate on the shoulder.

I like to “touch”: to feel the contact of my skin with the surface of soft and pleasant to the touch materials, to touch and rub against velvety skin his girlfriend, sorting out small objects and turning them in his hands, stroking animals and hugging, listening to the sensations of every point of his body.

There are people with increased sensitivity, the tactility of their skin is maximum, they live in a world of sensations, increased touch, colorful touches and, as a result, vivid sex.

Tactile sensations(Latin tactilis tangible) is a type of touch that responds to touch and pressure.

Little is said about them, forgetting that tactility dominates other species. pleasant sensations especially in stimulating sexual arousal person.

Tactile sensitivity from birth is not very well developed, and closer to 8-10 years it begins to rise sharply. Often a child, in order to better feel the object, pulls it into the mouth, where there is a large location of tactile receptors on the tongue. Further, the sensitivity increases slowly, reaching its climax by the age of 16-20, coinciding with the growth of the body's sexual appetite, stimulating and sharpening it.

Pros and cons of tactile sensitivity

Almost everyone has tactile sensitivity, and the degree of reaction to touch and pressure is different for everyone. Some have increased sensitivity, which has a lot of pros and cons.

Extra tactile people often feel discomfort in living conditions, characterizing the sensations as unpleasant. The rigidity of clothes and shoes makes you carefully choose your wardrobe accordingly and take care of it to maintain softness. Women with great tactile sensitivity often wear light gloves in warm time of the year. Based solely on considerations discomfort in contact with handrails in transport, door handles, money and other objects. There are practically no men who protect their hands in this way.

Extra tactile people extract from behind hypersensitivity a lot of benefits. They better distinguish things by touch and appreciate their texture. Although the main advantage of increased sensitivity is getting pleasure from this. Starting from touching and stroking, touching and rubbing various items and objects and ending with sexual caresses and sex itself.

Biology of touch receptors and the G-spot

On average, per 1 sq. cm of the skin there are about 25 tactile receptors, while pain receptors are about 100-200, cold 12-15 and thermal 1-2.

95% of human skin is covered with sensitive hairs, and at their base there are some tactile receptors that respond to a change in the position of the hair by only 5%. So don't forget to pet your kids and sexual partners on the head.

There are several types of tactile receptors:

Pacinian corpuscles - briefly transmit information about touch to the brain, after which they turn off.

Free nerve endings with weaker sensitivity, but constant impact. Those. we do not forget that we are sitting on a bench, feeling a gust of wind.

Meissner's bodies are branches of nerve fibers, most of which are located in the skin of the fingers and toes. They also form the notorious and mysterious zone G, in search of which people spent time and lost heads, no less than in the exploration of unknown and distant lands. The G-spot is also called the Graffenburg zone (“twelve o’clock area” or “internal trigger”), a section of the lower third of the anterior vaginal wall that is extremely sensitive to erotic caresses. It is a pea-shaped area, and depending on individual features be from 3 to 5 cm from the entrance to the vagina or slightly higher.

Receptor cells in the deep layers of the epidermis of the skin, located in extremely sensitive areas of the skin, such as the lip.

Sexual tactility

Extra tactile people often start their sexual journey with petting, and get an unforgettable experience from it. Often in sexual games, clothing material is used that causes very pleasant tactile sensations, such as silk, satin, chiffon, etc. In some people, increased sensitivity does not concern the whole body, but only some areas. Many people themselves enjoy oral sex with a partner, it is not in vain that it is located in the mouth and on the tongue a large number of tactile receptors.

Extra tactile people often enjoy more intense sexual sensations than ordinary people. For men, having a partner with increased tactility is just happiness. Even without outstanding sexual abilities and huge size penis, a man is almost always able to deliver an unforgettable pleasure to a lady. And be a hero at the same time - a lover. For men, hypersensitivity carries quite a few dangers. It is worth remembering the American comedy "American Pie", where main character came to the finish line faster than his partner started.

If increased tactful sensitivity in a man causes problems, then this can be dealt with. With increased sensitivity of the head, it is recommended to use artificial lubricants and special condoms that increase the duration of sexual intercourse. In cases of premature ejaculation (sexual dysfunction), it is often necessary to consult a specialist. Sometimes produced surgical intervention, but most of the problems are psychological character and be treated with psychotherapy (sex therapy).

Two treatments are offered:

1. Reception by W. Masters and V. Johnson "compression".

Woman puts thumb on the frenulum of the penis, and the index and middle fingers to the opposite side. Compression is performed from front to back for 4 s. and so 5-6 times before the start of the act. During sex, compression is done at the base.

2. Reception of James Semans "stop-start".

Evaluation of the state of arousal and suspension of stimulation until the sensations preceding premature ejaculation fade.

People often caress themselves: they rub their body parts, tickle their cheek or ear with a lock of hair, rub their toes, and the like. At times, such caresses precede the subsequent occupation of self-satisfaction. At sexual disorders doctors recommend to increase sensitivity to caress yourself in order to better understand your body. As they say, do a workout before meeting with sexual partner, try in a calm atmosphere to feel the possibilities of your body, fully allowing for masturbation at the same time.

An increase in tactile sensitivity is observed in pickpockets, bear cubs (professional safe and apartment crackers). Also, people working with small items requiring increased sensitivity.

Most sensitive parts of the body: fingertips, tongue, lips, ears, back of the hand, and least- feet, back, stomach.

Hugs and touches good way transmission of information about a person at the level of tactile receptors. But in today's world, this type of information sharing is often impossible without being accused of harassment.

Even the usual hugs of friends and relatives allow you to get a large share of positive. "Tactile" more with your loved ones - this allows you to better understand each other, and it's damn nice!

Text Psychology:

Among all types of interpersonal communication, an important role is played by the so-called tactile contact, that is, in other words, touch. For some people, it is tactile sensations that are the most effective source of information, so communication without tactile contact is almost impossible for them. In the psychology of communications, tactile contact refers to the touch of one person to another. In fact, this is the very first way of communication available to people, because when a person is just born, he is not yet able to perceive auditory and visual information adequately, unlike tactile sensations. Some psychologists believe that it is at this stage of communication that the foundations of the future human psyche are born.

Types of tactile contacts

Traditionally, tactile contacts are divided into several types. First of all, these are the so-called "professional" touches. Doctors, massage therapists, stylists, tailors simply cannot do without tactile contact in their professional activities. As a rule, most people take such contacts calmly, realizing that they do not contain any additional information.

According to psychologists, women tend to perceive tactile contact more positively than men. Because of this, a positive reaction to touch is called "feminine".

The second group includes ritual touches. This is not about mystical practices, but about a completely familiar handshake or a welcome kiss on the cheek. It is known that the handshake, for example, appeared as a means of demonstrating peaceful and friendly intentions, but over time, this welcoming touch has become almost an obligatory ritual.

Finally, the most extensive area in which tactile contact is used is the area of ​​interpersonal relationships. Touching here is a manifestation of affection, sympathy, kinship, sexual attraction. It can be hugs, kisses, a friendly pat on the shoulder or gentle strokes. The presence of stable tactile contact of this kind is an effective marker indicating close relationships, for example, between a guy and a girl.

Tactile contact may indicate social status. Touching is most often allowed by those people who occupy a higher position in society, for example, a boss can slap a subordinate on the shoulder.

The role of touch in communication

In the psychology of communication, there are several main channels of communication. In accordance with which channel a particular person prefers, he belongs to one of several groups: "audials", "visuals" and "kinesthetics". It is believed that the first to receive the most complete information needs to be heard, the second - to see, and the third - to feel. Under the feelings this case first of all, the sense of smell and touch are understood. Thus, kinesthetic learners rely heavily on touch, which they need not only to receive information, but also to transmit it. They can be easily recognized by the unconscious desire to reduce the distance of communication, mechanical touches, robbed of invisible dust particles from the interlocutor. Communication with a kinesthetic person can be very stressful for people who consider any tactile contact to be deeply intimate process. If you are one of these people, try to immediately warn overt kinesthetics about your dislike of touch in order to avoid conflict.