What to do if you decide to file for divorce? Who is the real victim? When you can’t do without the help of specialists

When registering a marriage, lovers believe that it is forever. Love and tenderness will be eternal. But sad statistics report that in large cities the number of divorces reaches 80%. In just a couple of years family life the thought slips into the minds of the young that the relationship is not as smooth as they would like and they think about dissolving the union. How to decide on divorce? This is a responsible step, which is why those who are thinking about taking it have strong doubts.

First, understand yourself, find the reasons that made you want to get a divorce. Psychologists name three main reasons:

• Clan conflicts. Big role V family relationships Relatives play between spouses: fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters. A husband who is in conflict with his mother-in-law may take out his dissatisfaction on his wife. Depending on how acute the scandals are, spouses may periodically think about divorce. Is it worth getting a divorce in this case? Depends on the degree of attachment to relatives, priorities, etc.
• Emotional burnout. Having a rich life experience behind your shoulders dulls emotions. After all, what happens for the first time is more intensely experienced. Absence warmth, responsiveness, understanding can negatively affect family life. If emotions are important to you, then this may become serious reason for divorce.
• Unreadiness for marriage. Family in modern Russia is worried difficult times. The value of this social institution disappeared. Divorce is no longer something out of the ordinary. Single-parent families have become the norm. It is much less common for children to be raised in marriage by both parents. Sometimes a minor conflict leads to discord, and spouses find themselves on the verge of divorce. If they don’t get along in character, that’s enough reason for some to break up.

In life there are more reasons for divorce: betrayal, fading love, difference in temperament, family tyranny.

I want to get a divorce, but...

You are tired, fed up, you can’t see each other, but you don’t dare to get a divorce. What is the reason for the doubts that makes one maintain a marriage that is unbearable for a person?

Let's highlight a few:

• Hope that everything will work out. Start life with clean slate psychologically difficult. Most people are willing to endure, cherishing the hope that life will get better.
• Having common children. I want my children to grow up with both parents. I don’t want to traumatize them by having to live separately from one of them. But how much better is it when quarrels and conflicts occur every day in front of children? And the lack of an example of a happy family life? Truly a dilemma. Psychologists, by the way, believe that children from single-parent families, adapt better in life than children living with conflicting dad and mom.
• Strong attachment to spouse. Many who want to get a divorce are faced with a dilemma: can I live without him? For this reason, a divorce is very difficult to experience, accompanied by depression and despondency.
• Common living space. The spouses would separate, but there was nowhere. Often people who are far from each other live in the same house or apartment. The material component in the most different options may be the reason that stops spouses from divorcing.
• Opinions of others. Dependence public opinion- a terrible thing. Because of her they suffer humiliation family tyrant for years.

Even when on the brink, it is difficult for a woman to make a choice in favor of separation. Explanations for indecision are as follows:

• the feeling that, having separated from her husband, no one needs her;
• fear that it will not be possible to arrange a personal life with children;
• financial dependence on husband.

A man is stopped from taking such a step:

• fear of the spouse interfering with meetings with children;
• reluctance to hurt;
• features of psychology that allow you to live full life, without experiencing discomfort, even when the marriage is bursting at the seams.

Due to their natural flexibility and mobility, men are less likely to file for divorce. More often than not, women initiate divorce.

There are many reasons that make you think about divorce, each with its own boiling point. A rude word spoken during a conflict will be enough of a factor for someone. And someone is ready to put up with domestic violence, betrayal, disrespect, etc.

Divorce will be the only thing the right decision if the spouse is a drug addict or alcoholic who does not want to undergo treatment. You should also not save your marriage if:

• you basically have nothing to talk about;
• there were repeated infidelities;
• the other half, despite the difficulties in the relationship, does not want to change anything;
• you are experiencing domestic violence;
• You can’t agree with your spouse whether to have children or not.

If such facts occur in married life, then no excuses or pity for your significant other should influence the taking of drastic measures. If the reasons are not so serious, then it’s really worth thinking about what to do.

You should not make a decision about divorce rashly. The main thing that should be taken into account is: how comfortable are you with the person, are you happy?

Living with a person out of habit, staying married for the sake of children or living space - seems to be the stupidest thing in family life. You shouldn’t sacrifice yourself trying to save your marriage at all costs.

What to do to decide on divorce

To make a decision, get rid of doubts, and for this:

• Remember the positive and negative aspects of marriage. Did you remember more good things or bad things?
• Imagine you are divorced. What will change in life? Will you become happier?
• Assess how close the person is to you. Do you want to come every day to a house where a stranger is? Anything to discuss? Do you share your victories or experiences with your spouse?
• Remember, children need to see real, sincere relationships between their parents. Don’t teach them falsehoods if you don’t want to repeat your fate in them.
• Know that there is a person whose life will make you happy. Without deciding to divorce, you will not allow yourself to meet him.
• If there is no happiness in marriage, then what will you lose by leaving your spouse? Divorce will give you a chance to find this happiness.
• Being at a distance will help you make a decision. This will give you the opportunity to analyze everything that worries you.
• Figure it out, do you have a feeling of love for your soul mate?
• Imagine your life after divorce in three, five, ten years. If you see yourself happy in the future, then you should make the decision.

Remember that even in the happiest unions there are problems, conflicts, misunderstandings, and streaks of failure. It seems that the relationship is on the brink, but the marriage can be saved if you want, and difficulties will make the union even stronger. Keep this in mind when making your decision!

You shouldn't talk about breaking up if it's just thoughts. When doubts are cast aside, there is confidence that the marriage with your spouse is not worth saving, then start a conversation. At the same time, it is worth preparing for it. What do you need to consider?

• Have an honest discussion about the reasons and motives behind the divorce. There are no right or wrong here. Evaluate what happened.
• Get yourself in the right mindset, make sure that the time allotted for this marriage has passed.
• Don't hesitate. If your significant other is against divorce, be firm. Make it clear that your decision cannot be changed. And persuasion and blackmail by children will only worsen the situation.
• Prepare to talk with your spouse. Be correct in your choice of words, respect your partner’s feelings.
• Discuss the financial details of life after divorce: division of housing, property, etc.
• Decide on who the children will stay with after the divorce.

Divorce is a big shock, even if you prepared for it. Perhaps one of the spouses or children will need the help of a psychologist. This should not be considered an unnecessary measure. Consulting a specialist will help you understand what is happening and relieve depressive states and mental trauma.

Choices are difficult to make, especially when they affect your life. When you are on the verge of making a decision about divorce, remember that it is difficult to change it, therefore, be clearly aware of the seriousness and thoughtfulness of such actions.

You can start thinking about how to decide on a divorce when something incomprehensible happens in the family. Very often, a husband or wife no longer receives what they would like: love, care, attention and respect. Probably, such moments can be corrected, but many choose separation.

If we talk about how everyone decides to get a divorce, you need to set goals for yourself and remember the disadvantages of marriage. Something like this will help solve the problem:

• Surely thoughts of divorce arose due to a lack of something. Now that you are ready to leave, just write down on a piece of paper all the advantages and benefits that you can get. There will certainly be many of them. Let a person go if you don’t feel comfortable and cozy with him. Does a man no longer love you or pay attention to you? Get a divorce and find a new person who will give you all this. Does your wife no longer consider you the best? Find someone who will begin to appreciate you, and you can feel like a man.
• Remember that divorce is not so scary. If everything happens voluntarily, you will not have any problems, the process will go smoothly and without consequences.
• If you don’t know how to decide to divorce your wife because of infidelity (this also applies to husbands), just think about whether the person who loves you could do this to you. Surely loving friend people will never change a friend and will be faithful. When someone has proven unfaithful to you, it is better to break up with the person in order to find a more worthy replacement.

A child in the family: how to get a divorce?

Everything is done for the better, this is worth remembering. Don't know how to decide on a divorce if you have a child? Think about his future. For example, if your father no longer pays attention to you and spends time with other women, you should not stay close to him. It’s better to find a new father for your child who will devote time to raising his child.

To avoid problems, just talk to your child. What age he is does not play a big role. You must have an adult conversation with your son or daughter of any age, this is the only way you can in a positive way influence the baby's future.

the main task– prove to your child that only the parents are to blame for the divorce, and not the children. If this can be done, in further life it will be much easier.

If you don't understand how to decide to file for divorce, consult a specialist. Psychologists will be able to influence you, and you will easily accomplish what you strive for. It will not be difficult to go to the registry office to submit an application. Don't be afraid of subsequent procedures. Division of property and all other nuances are not problems at all, you don’t need to get hung up on it.

How can you decide to divorce with two children? This question arises primarily because it is difficult to imagine how you can support such a family on your own. In fact, you need to think a few steps ahead. Being unemployed, you need to find a source of income, after which you can safely get a divorce. IN as a last resort, you will definitely receive alimony, it is very easy to achieve.

“Help me decide to divorce,” many married people say. In fact, there are several practical advice. They are as follows:

• Strive to improve your life. Only then will you be truly happy man. If one is bad, it's time to look for a replacement. But it’s worth considering that you just need to take a shot and try to restore everything. Relationships can always be revived.
• Start from those shortcomings that are clearly visible in your life. Are you a girl and have never visited a beauty salon because your husband forbade it? Think about how life will improve after filing for divorce.
• When a man decides to divorce, he most often does this due to his wife’s reluctance to make contact, try to communicate, or spend time together. Be smart and don't spend your whole life trying to restore everything. If it doesn't work out, move on.

If you need a divorce, how to decide and survive is a very common question. The main thing is to know your goal and clearly concentrate on your desire. When you understand what advantages await you after a divorce, you can definitely go to the registry office and fill out all the necessary papers.

What’s important is never lose the opportunity to get things right. After all, one should strive for divorce only in extreme cases. If your family is dear to you, talk and look for ways to restore relationships. It’s very simple to do this, just listen to each other and start improving. If both people meet each other halfway, they will probably work out strong relationships, in which there will be no place for such a word as “divorce”.

Previously, when deciding to divorce her husband, a woman went through all the “circles of hell”, looking for advice on how to live further, experiencing conflicting feelings, fearing loneliness. And if there is a child in the family, everything becomes complicated many times over. After all, the generation born before the 90s remembers the bitter, hissing word “fatherlessness.” Our grandmothers explained to our mothers: “The child needs a father! We must save the family at all costs!” And they did save it. Only later realizing that the price turned out to be exorbitant.

Whether it’s the case with today’s freedom-loving tribe. Not all, but many modern women realized that the stupidest thing in the world is a sacrifice. Especially in the name of someone. Especially when the role of the victim falls to a woman and child. Faced with male behavior, which is unpleasant to observe and almost unbearable to endure, contemporaries make a choice in their favor. They deliberately push away from their husband or partner and leave

It’s good that times are different now, no one will brand the bloody little girl with the sticky word “fatherlessness.” It’s bad that this doesn’t make it any easier for the child and his mother. Let's consider the most common reasons, why women choose divorce and life without a husband and father. And let's try to find an excuse.

Reasons why women go for divorce

A bad example: how to decide to divorce your alcoholic husband

All it started out beautifully: parental blessing, wedding and gorgeous cake. For some time they even lived like human beings. They worked, went to the sea, brought a treasured living envelope from the maternity hospital, and maybe more than one. And then he seemed to break loose. Or he slipped unnoticed - it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that the person they loved openly degenerated. Evil inclinations appeared in all their glory. Because of this, there are more problems and less money; the spouse doesn’t earn any money at all, he just spends it. He now has other interests - liters, puffy friends and very dubious prospects. More precisely, the prospects are just clear: if he doesn’t take his head, he will perish in the abyss.

The woman struggled at first. She took her to doctors, grandmothers and healers, set conditions and demanded an oath. The husband and father repented, swore, swore. And then again for his own. At home there are scandals, breaking dishes, men's swearing, children's tears, women's despair. Time after time, the thought comes to the wife and mother that it would be better not to have a torturer who methodically loses his human appearance. The thought turns into a cherished dream.

One fine day it will come true. This day becomes the beginning of a new life, where there are no conflicts, screams and sobs, no shame for the head of the family, no fears. There are only plans for the future. And, perhaps, there are wounds in the soul, but they will heal, it’s been verified.

In support: such relationships are called codependent, and they do not promise anything good to the dependent person’s loved ones. The reason is that codependents become unable to take responsibility for their actions and lose control over themselves. The forecasts look like this: depression, irritation, neurosis.

Overcoming codependency in yourself is equivalent to defeating the fear of separation from your husband. But in in this case You are not breaking up with your spouse, but with his illness. And you will probably get back together after he undergoes special treatment and completely gives up his addiction. Protecting yourself and your children from bad sights and behavior is the only way the right way out, psychologists unanimously advise.

It’s easier without him: how to decide to divorce your parasite husband

Was Whether he was like this before marriage is difficult to say now. It seemed like he said the right things, cared, tried and pampered. Or maybe he was just pretending? For several years now, the other half of Ilya Muromets has been on the stove: he sat for 30 years and three years, and this one is setting a record. He doesn't work and doesn't plan. Once upon a time he at least pretended that he intended to return the title of head of the family and breadwinner. I looked for vacancies, went to interviews, showed agility. And now I’ve abandoned that too. Relatives and friends offered him options, maybe not God knows what, but at least some penny for the house. But he did not agree. Either there is little money, or the work is unskilled, it is humiliating for His Royal Majesty to agree to be a small fry.

For some time, my wife believed that there was indeed a problem in the labor market. She carried the burden of responsibility on herself. She fed and watered. She even updated his wardrobe so that he wouldn’t be embarrassed to show himself in public. And in no case did she reproach the piece; in our country this is strictly condemned.

In support: this should not be your problem. If the situation only gets worse over time, the surest way out is to say - That's it! I'm divorcing my husband. But not kick him out of the house with a scandal, but calmly and firmly invite the man to leave. Only after this should you not be tormented by wondering whether reconciliation will take place or not.

One task should come to the fore - take care of yourself and your children. Each person is responsible for his own destiny. It is very likely that for a man this gap is even for the better - he will be forced to independently build his life and way of life. And it will definitely become easier for you and your children.

He doesn't love: how to decide to divorce if you love your husband

AND proves it an offensive word and an even more offensive matter. For example, insults, humiliates. In particular severe cases changes and does not hide it. The phrase: “I don’t love you” sounded and continues to sound. But the woman still hopes. What if he's just angry about something? For example, he has difficulties at work, and in general his wife is much more successful. So he takes revenge with “dislike,” but in reality he loves. It doesn’t go away... Or the woman hopes that her husband will one day realize, appreciate and love. It’s not for nothing that they came up with the words “will endure” and so on.

But at some point the spring of patience breaks, and she leaves the prince with an icy heart. In fact, as much as possible.

In support: it doesn’t matter for what reason a person declares dislike. If this is a way of manipulation, then let him go away, manipulators are the most despicable category of people. If he really doesn’t love you, that’s the way to go. In a morally unhealthy atmosphere it is impossible to be happy, and without this it is impossible to raise cheerful, calm children.

The main thing is not to consider someone’s love or dislike as a starting point, a measure of your merits. Just think, he doesn’t experience anything, it’s not about you, you’re just unlucky. There is no need to prolong mutual torment. Yes, you will divorce your husband, but nothing prevents you from keeping parental relationship– here we can only rely on the responsibility of the man.

She doesn't love: how to decide to divorce if there are no more feelings

A maybe there weren’t any hot feelings in the first place? Maybe they have faded and worn away over time. Or even worse - another one has appeared on the horizon, looking ardently and causing trembling throughout the body.

“I can’t see, hear, go to bed with him,” the thought does not leave the head of the woman who has fallen out of love. It's just a child... What to do if a son or daughter loves dad and will miss him, how to deprive a child of his family?

In support: to be honest, this is the most a difficult situation. Because responsibility for decision completely on you, you are the initiator of difficult changes. Because handsome men millions, and caring husbands are in short supply.

Because female soul rebellious: today “I don’t love”, but in a year, especially if the abandoned one creates another family, it turns out that she cannot live without him. Because you will find an outlet for the soul and body, but an attentive father to the child is not a fact.

Before you decide to divorce your husband and take this desperate step, you need to answer the following questions: important questions: what's happened real love whether you know how to love, have fallen out of love, or are just bored. And, finally, will you be able to forgive yourself for an act that in moments of despair you will more than once consider selfish. You and your husband probably stopped being a man and a woman to each other, but you did not stop being parents. Decide which status is more important to you specifically.

Every bride in love dreams that happy story after the wedding will continue until the very last breath. But life is a complicated thing. According to statistics, only 1/2 of all marriages are viable. How to understand that you are in the other half? How to decide to divorce your husband if it has already become clear that it is inevitable? We tried to get answers to these questions from psychologists.

Beginning of the End

Even if the family has no children together, and family experience still very small, the decision to divorce is rarely made rashly. When this happens, many couples, independently or with the help of a psychologist, manage to resolve the conflict or overcome the difficulties that have arisen, preserving the family home.

The main thing is not to miss the moment, not to take the position of an ostrich and not to pretend that everything is in order. How before hand admit that problems exist in their relationship, the higher the likelihood of saving the marriage.

Alarm bells

No one has ever been able to go through a divorce painlessly. On the classic stress scale, it ranks second only to the death of a spouse. So accept that it will be difficult. And we will have to deal with this.

Another thing is that separation is an extreme measure. And it may not be reached if you notice the first alarm bells in time. But how do you know when it’s time to divorce your husband?

The most close attention You should pay attention to your relationship if:

• it turned out that your views on vital issues or value systems are incompatible;
• you have stopped communicating, or all conversations revolve only around children and everyday problems;
• you prefer to share your bad and good personal experiences not with your spouse;
• it has become difficult for you to ask your partner for something or respond to his requests;
• you discovered that appearance your other half is not interested in you;
• you began to spend more and more time away from home or moving away from each other;
• I lost the desire to appear with my spouse in in public places or among friends;
• small and major quarrels flare up more and more often and proceed more and more aggressively;
• your list of complaints against your partner and the number of reasons to be dissatisfied with him have suddenly increased greatly;
• Even your children began to tell you that you constantly quarrel and make scandals;
• you have stopped planning a future together, and are fixated only on the present or past;
• disagreements about family budget, or the principles of its distribution have changed radically;
• the thought of divorce has already crossed your mind more than once and was even voiced several times in a fit of anger by you or your partner.

At this stage, everything can still be corrected. Of course, only in the case when not all of the above signs of a significant deterioration in relations are present at once. And it’s better if you do this with the help of a qualified psychologist.

After all, when mutual understanding has already been lost, it is difficult for partners to objectively evaluate their actions and actions from the outside. But if you do everything right, then after overcoming all the difficulties you will take care of and love each other even more.

Stop signal

But there are situations when psychologists unanimously advise not to even think about whether it’s worth getting a divorce at all, but to urgently flee, taking your children with you. These are the cases in which the husband begins to imagine real threat for physical or mental health wife and other family members.

If you are not sure about the correctness of the decision to divorce, be sure to consult a psychologist. Moreover, now there are many ways to do it for free and get professional advice and support.

There is no need to discuss your situation on forums - everyone has their own experience. And your mistake can cost you and your children very dearly.

Unpleasant conversation

An interesting fact is that most men do not think about how to tell their wife about divorce. When they make this decision, they usually already have ready plan, what and how will happen next: who will get the apartment, who will the children stay with, etc. and so on. When everything is determined, for them (even if it has not yet been legally confirmed) it is already a fait accompli. That’s why they most often report it categorically and categorically.

Women are different by nature. They have a genetically embedded desire to be a homemaker. That's why she always gives one more chance, and then another. She will analyze and doubt for a long time. She is afraid of making mistakes and tries not to destroy the peace and peace of mind of her own children. Therefore, for them, the question of how to tell their husband about divorce is as difficult as making the decision itself.

But difficult conversations cannot be avoided. The following advice from psychologists will help you mentally prepare for it and build a dialogue correctly:

• If the final decision has been made, there is no need to delay. Sooner or later you will still have to talk, especially since the spouse also feels the understatement and will only get angry and worried even more;
• The moment for conversation must be chosen correctly. Moreover, if the husband is a drinker. In a state of intoxication or a hangover, he is unlikely to understand your position and take it seriously. You should not start a conversation late at night, immediately after a quarrel, or when you are in a hurry;
• pay attention to yours mental condition. Yes, starting a conversation about divorce is difficult. But you must be able to conduct it as delicately and calmly as possible. Then it will be easier to clarify all the important issues and, perhaps, not bring the case to court;
• make every effort to save normal relationship. Do not reproach your partner for his mistakes, do not make accusations. Try to talk only about your feelings: why you decided that there is no chance of restoring the relationship, what exactly you refuse to tolerate and accept;
• let your spouse know that your intention is firm and will be reinforced further actions. But if deep down you give up hope for reconciliation, tell him about it. Who knows, maybe he will hear you, understand the seriousness of the situation and try to change it;
• Discuss together how you will communicate the impending divorce to your child. You should not hide this fact from children, especially if there is a teenager in the family who understands a lot and will not forgive you for lying;
• if you are forced to live together during and after divorce proceedings, try to ensure that further communication is mutually polite. Remember that now you are just roommates and you must behave within the generally accepted limits of decency.

When the husband is a tyrant

The most difficult situation is when a woman runs away from her husband because he behaves like a real tyrant: he threatens, mocks, suppresses, and keeps her and her children in constant fear. You need to leave such a person in any case. And the sooner the better. This union could lead to real tragedy, the victim of which will be the woman herself or her loved ones.

But what psychologists strongly do not recommend doing is entering into any negotiations with such a person. If your spouse is uncontrollably aggressive and you know that upon receiving news of the divorce, he will begin to insult you, destroy the apartment, or cause physical suffering- don’t even try to tell him about it personally. Here's what to do:

Important! Be prepared for the fact that in court he may pretend to be peaceful and surprised by such an unfair attitude towards him on your part. Try to invite witnesses who can confirm the facts ill-treatment with you or the children.

He will certainly give you hope that he will improve. But remember that such people do not change without the help of a psychotherapist - this mental disorder which needs to be treated.

What's next

But in order to find the long-awaited freedom, talking alone is not enough. Even if you do not actually live together, but your passport has a marriage stamp, you officially continue to be considered spouses, with all the ensuing legal consequences. Therefore, if you are determined not to try to improve the relationship anymore, it is in your best interest to get a divorce as soon as possible.

In the absence of children and property claims against each other, everything is very simple. You come to the registry office together (remembering to take your passport and marriage certificate) and fill out the application form. It indicates (formally) the reason for the divorce and the names that will be borne ex-spouses after him. By placing your signatures, you confirm your intention to divorce and renounce any claims.

All you have to do is wait a little and get a divorce certificate. This may take from several days to several weeks. Moreover, the two of you no longer need to come for him. From the moment the application is submitted, if neither party tries to withdraw it, everyone is on their own.

But if the spouses have joint minor children, property claims, or one of them categorically disagrees with the divorce, everything becomes much more complicated. In such cases, only a judge can make a decision on divorce. To do this, one of the spouses must submit an application to district court at the place of registration and, if necessary, attach the relevant documents, a list of which he will receive from the secretariat.

The divorce proceedings can drag on for several weeks or even months, depending on the complexity of the case. This is a troublesome and expensive matter - legal costs are usually paid by the party responsible for the destruction of the family as a penalty for their own insolvency. Therefore, most prefer to reach an amicable agreement and disperse peacefully.

The division of property, as well as the case of collecting alimony for minor children and custody of them, proceeds independently of the divorce process itself. A mother can receive child support even while in a registered marriage if the husband does not properly fulfill his obligations. financial obligations In front of them. And the division of property is sometimes completed only a few years after the divorce, when all agreements have been reached.

You can get a divorce through the court even in the absence of the other party, if she lives in another country or city or simply does not want to appear in court. She will be invited to every meeting official letter, and after several failures to appear, the judge, as a rule, makes a decision declaring the marriage invalid. And as legal confirmation of this, he issues a divorce certificate to the party present.

And then came another evening in family circle when your soul is not at all warm and joyful, but the thought once again comes to your head: “Maybe I should get a divorce?” To begin with, I want to say that at least once this question has arisen in every married person. And therefore, you don’t need to immediately doom your family to collapse, at the first alarms. If the thought of divorce becomes more and more persistent, then it is time to resort to a deep analysis of whether it is really necessary.
So. Let's start by analyzing the reason why you suddenly wanted to leave the person with whom you once planned to live your whole life.

Reasons for divorce

Reason number 1 – betrayal. Perhaps the most common factor leading to divorce. However, many who have committed a decisive act and left the marriage bond subsequently begin to regret what they did. How to find out if you will be one of them when time will pass when the emotions subside and it comes sober assessment situations? In fact, answering this question for yourself is not as difficult as it seems. You will understand the nature of your intentions if you just talk frankly with yourself. And you need to ask yourself this: “What is the real reason my jealousy?
In fact, there are two types of jealousy and they are fundamentally different from each other. In the first case, a person is jealous, afraid of losing his partner. In this case, anyone who dares to smile at your better half is considered a potential threat. Fear of losing! Because of it, suffocating jealousy is born that can drive both partners into a corner. People subject to this type of jealousy are very emotional about the fact of betrayal; in the heat of anger, they are capable of violence, rough treatment, blackmail, and, accordingly, divorce. But it is they who later regret it. In fact, the opposite happened. The man was so afraid of losing his family that he divorced himself. Will you say “Paradox!”? Just a feature human psyche. A person flees from something that he is unable to change or hold on to. As for divorce, in this case it is big mistake. Better give yourself time. Wait until everything calms down, you will definitely find strength.
It’s another matter when the basis of jealousy is not the fear of losing, but the fear of being deceived. Usually proud people are so jealous, deep feeling self-esteem. Their feelings are no less strong. But it is much more terrible for them to live with a person who does not love them than to lose this person. Such people are not inclined to regret divorce. For them, the best way out is to start a new life.
Ask yourself what is the basis of your jealousy? And then you will be able to understand whether it is worth crossing out the stamp in your passport.
Reason No. 2 – “people are too different.” When, after several years of marriage, you tell others: “We are getting a divorce because we don’t get along,” then, most likely, they will think: “Well, it’s necessary! They lived for ten years, had children, and suddenly decided that they were not compatible! It took them a long time to reach them!”
A reason to think. Have you always been so different that living together has become impossible? In fact, you both remain the same as you were at the beginning of the relationship. The difference is that you no longer want to come to terms with your partner’s shortcomings and increasingly want to remake him at your own discretion. In order to never encounter such a problem as dissimilarity of characters in the future, I advise readers of MirSovetov to remember one piece of wisdom, or better yet, write it on the ceiling so that you can see it every morning: “If you love, accept a person for who he is and don’t try to change him. If you desperately want to change a person, then it’s better to leave him alone and find yourself another happiness.”
I think that says it all. Draw conclusions.
Reason No. 3 – “love has passed.” Did it really pass? Maybe grievances have accumulated, unspoken complaints, restrained emotions? Very often, these factors can cause a cooling of feelings, but this does not mean at all that love is dead and cannot be returned.
You need to dig deeper into yourself to understand what is really happening. Mentally play out tragic scenes for yourself that will best show where the truth is. Imagine, as vividly as possible, that your partner has suddenly died. What do you feel? Grief? A pity? Remorse? Indifference? Now imagine that your husband (wife) has another family, where he (she) is quite happy and does not remember you. What are your emotions now? Are you happy for him/her? Are you jealous? Are you jealous?
The more you imagine situations in which you definitely lose your spouse, the more clearly you will begin to understand whether the love has passed. Thought-images will help you survive an event without waiting for it to appear in reality. The main thing is to be attentive to your feelings and honest with yourself. You can even leave for a while and give yourself time to get bored. This is also quite effective in awakening faded feelings.
If, in spite of everything, you continue to repeat “We are strangers. I can't and I don't want to. Let him be happy, but without me.” Then, really, it’s time for you to get a divorce and give each other freedom.
Reason number 4 – “tyranny”.“I can’t do it with him and I can’t do it without him!” A woman who says this is actually unable to break off a relationship. You hear this quite often. To which I always answer: “If you can’t live without him, get the thought out of your head that you can’t be with him.” This is what those who have not yet run out of patience say. It is useless to try to leave if there is a thought: “I drank all the blood, I have no more strength!” But I love him, damned one!” You'll come back anyway. You'll just be wasting your time. Don't even mention divorce. Bear with me. Until there are no more words left. Until the thought “What will I do without him?” stops coming to me. Until you get tired of looking for excuses like “And sometimes he’s a golden man!” And also a jack of all trades.” You are not even ready to think about divorce yet.
There can be many reasons for divorce. But it is still very difficult to take the last decisive step. Not everyone can calmly cut the chains of Hymen, which were forged with such difficulty over the course of for long years. How can you help yourself if it’s already obvious that you can’t save your family, but it’s somehow scary to say it out loud? Here are a few reasons to help you make your choice.

1. One day sex will leave your life and only spiritual relationships will remain. If there is no true intimacy between you, you risk dooming yourself to old age together, full of melancholy and loneliness. Think, are you ready to die next to a person who has always been a stranger to you?
2. Your children will take fake relationships as a model, where people simply live under one roof, secretly reproaching each other for their broken destinies. They have every chance to repeat your bitter life. Having never learned parent example love for real.
3. Somewhere on Earth there is a person who is completely suitable for you and could not only find happiness with you, but also bring happiness to you. At the same time, he (she) will have to continue to suffer and suffer because you did not have the courage to free yourself. You may never meet because on the right day you don’t, you don’t buy a ticket to another city and you don’t find yourself in the same carriage with someone who has been hoping to find you all your life.
4. Think about it. Why be afraid? What do you have to lose? If there is no happiness in your life, then you can only lose the usual unhappiness. Divorce is perfect occasion start life from scratch. This is the beginning of change and new opportunities. This is a chance to give yourself what you really need.

And further. Deciding on a complete break is much easier at a distance. And therefore, before you announce your decision, find an opportunity to be alone. Just don’t send an SMS with the verdict “We’re breaking up.” Stay away, come back and talk like civilized people. It will be better for everyone. No matter how trivial it may sound, the more friendly your relationship remains, the easier it will be for both of you to start a new life.
That's all. Be happy, determined and take care of your love.