I beat my wife what to do. Psychology reveals the reasons why a husband beats his wife

What can push the once caring and loving husband to beating his wife, bullying his family? Psychology reveals the reasons why a husband beats his wife, but the consequences of this are still disappointing, because work with a family and personal psychologist is required. Of course, this is unlikely to end. Many women, after the husband raised his hand, forgive their spouse. Some husbands swear that the demon beguiled and everything turned out by accident, others push everything off to stress and fatigue. But everyone always makes a promise that this will never happen again.

The woman believes the words spoken and forgets everything. Many begin to blame and scold themselves: “Why climbed, because I knew that after work I was tired!” But forgiving once, everything repeats again and again. No fatigue or stress justifies the actions of the stronger sex. A woman cannot understand what such a situation hides behind herself, therefore it is precisely family psychology reveals the true reasons why a husband beats his wife at home.

It happens that some women, standing in front of a mirror with a bruise, find an excuse for this - beats means loves. And again, the excuse could not calm, regret or caress. The husband's oath promise that this will not happen again is all a lie. Too small percentage of men realize their mistake and do not repeat it again in the future. Psychology, within sessions and couples work with family psychologist, explains important reasons why a husband beats his wife, which is simply impossible to reach on your own. By hitting a woman once, a certain barrier is broken for a man that they have not been punished.

Aggressive men capable of raising a hand against their wives are divided into two types:

1. The first type of men are people who themselves awaken the fire of rage. They throw caustic words, call names to offend and humiliate more, while they turn themselves on more and more. In such families there are no friends, even with relatives they rarely communicate. And the wife, in turn, tries to think about her actions and words, so as not to anger her husband once again.
2. The second type of men are cold-blooded men. Their reaction is so calm that without the slightest trembling and regret they can beat their chosen one to a pulp. At the same time, nothing can stop them, even pregnancy. Having finished the proceedings with his wife, this type of man transfers his negativity to loved ones. Not infrequently they become their own children.

Psychology shows the reasons why a husband beats his wife:

It is not uncommon for a woman to provoke a man. By nature female psychology different in that they can be quickly pissed off. Some women throw tantrums, start calling names. There are also those who themselves begin to dissolve their hands. Adding fuel to the fire, thereby provoking a fight.
Psychologists advise before a woman marries to look at the groom's family. If the father beat the mother, then this pattern of behavior will pass to the son. Even if in childhood the child was afraid and worried about his mother and promised in the future, do not do this to your family.
Alcoholism, main reason assault in the family. Most often, cases of violence, injuries, murders occur precisely in a drunken stupor. A person who consumes alcohol has a weak nervous system.
In order to raise your self-esteem and show superiority over others. If failures and humiliations occur outside the house, then by spreading his hands on his wife, such a man finds satisfaction.
A boy who has been spoiled since childhood and carried out all orders from the first “I want” will be a tyrant for the family. He will need from his wife the fulfillment of all his conditions.
Women should think about the situation that develops in their family. Is it worth it to forgive a person who managed to raise his hand and hit. Especially if there are children in the family.

Let's talk about domestic violence. Perhaps this is one of the most serious problems society with which it is impossible to reconcile. Why, discussing such incidents literally every day, still women ask the question: “Why does the husband beat his wife?”

Our women are not accustomed to complaining to law enforcement agencies about their husbands beating them. We have no tradition (and no money) to go to psychotherapy sessions. More often humiliated woman falls into depression and looks for the reasons for male assault, and this is wrong.

Depression - serious illness, as a result of which not only the soul, but also the body begins to hurt. In a very short time, young beautiful woman turns into an evil, sick old woman. Don't waste time! Feel free to ask for help! Look for forums where your phrase “husband beats, what to do?” will never go unnoticed!

The origins of assault in the family

Of course, thinking about the topic: “what should a woman do if her husband beats her”, it would not be superfluous to note the exceptional situation when he completely accidentally (with a frequency of once every hundred years) hurts his wife. In addition, there are times when a lady still needs to be silent, instead of “sawing” the missus all day long. Although at such a moment, a self-respecting man is likely to turn around and leave.

But why does a husband beat a wife who behaves decently in society, brings up children, cooks borscht and treats temporary life difficulties with understanding?

Psychologists believe that all beating husbands are of only two types:

1. Dissolves hands with or without. This one attacks without warning or reason. Wrongly set the table - she is to blame, tasteless dinner - get it, the child cried and woke up - you deserve the most serious punishment. You should not think about your mistakes in such a situation and why the husband, such a tyrant simply has a mental disorder.
2. Beating always ends any serious conversation, dispute or quarrel, sometimes even a discussion of some domestic issue. Then, of course, after tears and bruises, he will apologize, crawl on the floor, cursing himself, but after a while everything will happen again. In the end, such a pattern of behavior will become a habit, from which he will never wean.

One of the reasons for this behavior is failure in work, inability to reach any desired heights, general failure. The other is the weakness of a woman. If she is completely dependent on her husband (especially financially), this is a kind of signal: "everything is possible."

Such a man usually has a certain weight in society. In public, he is an ideal family man, the dream of any representative fair half humanity.

Alcohol is often the catalyst for the first beating. Drug intoxication will also easily remove any taboo, and make a peace-loving husband aggressive. Of course, if the boy grew up in dysfunctional family where the father allowed himself to be rude towards the mother, this can reliably settle in the subconscious as the norm.

Who is guilty…

If a husband beats his wife, most often she will find an excuse for him. Most likely, at first she will assume that she is to blame, or that he is tired. Most women are indeed guilty of this cruelty, but only because they endure humiliation year after year.

Even the closest people sometimes only find out about the problems when the victim of abuse is admitted to the hospital with severe injuries. The worst thing is when the victim is a child who stood up for his mother or fell under hot hand dads.

But even after such misfortunes, the despot is still a pity. Instead of turning to law enforcement agencies, they try to hush up the situation. Hence - a simple pattern, in which permissiveness and impunity induce even greater cruelty, the desire to assert itself through the "taming" of households.

…And what to do with it

There are few cases when regular beatings could be stopped. If things get serious, it's time to act decisively.

When a husband beats his wife for several years, it is unlikely that anyone will feel sorry for her later. After all, if she tolerates such an attitude and justifies her husband, then the established way of life family life she is completely satisfied.

What to do if a husband beats his wife? Let's look at a few different cases:

• There is a chance (albeit minimal) to settle everything in peace. But you need to start before the first time the husband hit. Even at the beginning of the romantic period, as it were, by the way, you need to express your attitude towards assault. It will not be superfluous to bring up such a feeling as dignity.
• If hit for the first time - immediately collect children and things. Even when the possibility of a truce is allowed, it is necessary to make it clear what is possible and what is not. Nowhere to go? This is nothing more than an excuse. If there are no parents, no girlfriends, no acquaintances, no sympathetic work colleagues, and all this time the family lived on desert island, there are currently many centers social assistance. They will definitely help. If there are traces of a conflict on the body (even a small abrasion or a tiny bruise), it will not be superfluous to contact medical institution. Let the offender know that the woman is determined and will be able to stand up for herself.
• What to do if a husband beats his wife constantly? There can be only one answer here: leave once and for all. Once again, we remind social centers. This is a way out even for an unemployed pregnant mother of four children. And, despite the fact that this is their father, it will not be superfluous to contact law enforcement agencies. This is the only way to protect yourself and other women from a man who opens his arms.

The times of home building have long since sunk into oblivion. But even now, many women suffer from domestic violence. Neither public opinion, neither the law nor the police nor their relatives will be able to protect them until there is their own decision to fight back.

If a wife is beaten by her husband, what to do she can decide only on her own. It must be remembered that these actions depend not only own life but also the health of children. Be happy, take care of yourself and children!

Many women suffer from domestic violence. Husbands brandish their fists, insult, humiliate not only their wives, but also small children. At first, this is perceived as an accident - accumulated stress and other troubles, but soon this behavior becomes the "norm", and women fall into despair. Read more about this "phenomenon" and how to prevent such behavior in our article.

To be continued

Some of the unfortunate wives continue to suffer, to forgive their tormentor husbands even after bruises under their eyes and other injuries. Remember the proverb: hitting means loving. They are ready to blame themselves for everything, believing that they themselves made a mistake and could not calm, help, caress in time. The wives believe in sworn promises that he will never do that again.

Beat, beat and will beat. If a man even once raised his hand to his woman, then this will be repeated again. Their moral barrier breaks when they suddenly realize that they can beat without receiving any punishment or rebuff. There are rare cases when the husband realizes his act, repents, does not repeat mistakes - if he acted in a state of passion. Even though that doesn't justify it.

Types of aggressive men

Men who raise their hands to their wives are divided into two types: "pit bulls" and "cobras". The first type is the most common. They themselves gradually wind up their rage, harass their wife with caustic remarks and insults. Husbands "turn on" themselves up to the moment when you can pounce and hit. Typical Behavior dogs.

Such men are most often psychologically dependent on their wives. This is no longer love, but a disease generated by the desire to humiliate, put in place. The wives of such people have to watch their every gesture, look and word, so that God forbid not to awaken aggression in them. These families fence themselves off from friends, relatives, live in complete isolation, alone with their problems.

"Cobras" are much rarer, but their behavior is difficult to predict. They do not need to inflame themselves - on the contrary, they attack silently and unexpectedly. During the impact, they have a completely calm, even absent look. This does not increase temperature or pressure. At the slightest provocation, they absolutely cold-bloodedly beat their wives to a pulp. They hit regardless of how you feel or where you are. Raising a hand even to a pregnant woman will not be difficult for them.

These are very dangerous, cruel men, although their rage is easier to redirect to a calmer channel. When they see that the victim does not respond to his bullying, they can find another object to relieve irritation. But you should not rejoice at this: your relatives, friends and even children can be such a source.

Why does a man spread his arms

The idea that all women who are beaten by men are timid, submissive and downtrodden is not always true. Most often, wives themselves actively participate in skirmishes, sting, insult, even beat their partners. Often they do this in response to the husband's threats.

Such women, like men, quickly light up, become aggressive even over trifles. They lose their heads, turn on their husband even more, which as a result leads to a fight. While men are fighting for power in their home, women are fighting for life.

But what are the reasons for such behavior of husbands? From scratch, a man does not become a tyrant and a sadist.

Childhood trauma

The most common case is memories of the father's behavior in his own family. If your husband had the same problems with his parents as a child, the likelihood abuse With own family very high. As a young boy, he watched in horror as his angry father humiliated and beat his mother. The child suffered deeply from fear and injustice, swore to himself that he would never in his life allow himself to be the same as his father. Nevertheless, this model of behavior is the only thing he has learned since childhood. He simply does not understand how to resolve the conflict differently, which is why he repeats the actions of his father on a subconscious level. After all, if a husband beats a mother, why shouldn’t he also rein in his wife.

If your young man is from such a family, and he is already starting to show signs of aggressiveness, persuade him to go to a psychologist. Explain the complexity of the situation, tell how much you love him, how you don’t want your child to see what he had to see.

If your spouse has a desire to keep the marriage loving and strong, he will certainly agree to your proposal. Although, unfortunately, this only works if the husband himself is burdened by his behavior and wants to change himself. Stay vigilant while things can be fixed. If he has already beaten you at least once, it will be more difficult to heal a loved one. Plus, you will need to forgive him. Can you do it?

Alcoholism

The husband drinks and beats his wife, being in a deranged state for most of his life. Sometimes a woman also begins to drown her grief with alcohol along with him, unable to find a way out, preferring to forget herself from mental and physical pain. And two drinking spouses in the family is a disaster.

Even if a woman does not drink alcohol, she still drops out of life and is completely dependent on the state of her husband. The eternal expectation - will he come home drunk or sober, will he break into Once again or leave her alone. The psyche of alcoholics is broken, they are not able to control their own behavior, their actions are inadequate. Most domestic injuries and murders occur precisely at the moment of intoxication.

It is very difficult to treat such people, but if you want to save the relationship and return your husband to normal condition, worth a try. The main thing - try to solve this problem together. If a man does not have a sincere desire to stop drinking, then nothing will work.

Remind him of the best that was in your life together. Try to convince him that you need him healthy and adequate, that you and your children do not want to suffer anymore. Explain that if a husband beats and abuses his wife, all members of the family suffer.

If the degree of alcoholism is not too advanced, your spouse may decide to be treated and stop drinking. If the physiological and mental dependencies are so high that they become an instinct for him, then he will rather prefer the bottle to his family. In this case, take care of yourself and the health of your children and cut off all ties.

Humiliated and insulted

Another example of a tyrant's husband is a person with low self-esteem. He is unlucky all around, people treat him derisively, he is not respected and does not appreciate the team. Unable to satisfy their often high ambitions, such men splash out all their negativity at home, on their closest and loving people. Here they definitely cannot receive a well-deserved rebuff and rise in their own eyes. Any manifestation of superiority is important to him - at least over weak women and children.

They, like air, need proof of their “dominance” in the house, because this is the only way they are worth something in their own eyes. They take revenge for insults, for disrespect, for laughing at themselves. Ordinary losers, unable to realize themselves in life, trample their loved ones and relatives into the mud. That's what they live.

If your husband is a tyrant of this type, then immediately save yourself. Selfishness is incurable, promises to improve are false. You should not become a punching bag for the sake of a person who wants to raise personal self-esteem in this way. He beat you, and will continue to dissolve his hands.

minion of fate

A husband who beats his family can be a person who was very spoiled as a child. He is used to the fact that everyone around him indulges his desires, any “I want” of him is the law of life for those around him. A man simply does not fit in his head, why the wife does not immediately fulfill all his requirements and does not stand at attention when he approaches. Not having received submission, such people can fall into uncontrolled aggression and “punish” loved ones for a long time for the offense.

Since childhood, not accustomed to independence, they demand from their wives what they cannot do themselves. It's not only men's work around the house, but also the solution of financial, domestic issues. As a rule, they do not consider betrayal a sin at all, because absolutely everything is allowed to such “wonderful” people. And if suddenly the wives decide to tell them what to do, then you just need to teach them a lesson and show who is the boss in the house.

If your husband looks like such a person, run without looking back! No love is worth such mental and physical pain. And if you have children, protect them from mental trauma, give them the opportunity to grow up to be worthy, happy people!

What kind of women suffer bullying and humiliation

Many wives are ready to forever forgive their cruel husbands and be with them. What is it: fear, loneliness or incomprehensible masochism? Is love so blind that it allows them to shackle themselves into a life sentence of humiliation and pain? There is a reasonable explanation for this behavior.

Naivety or greed

Some women think: "When my husband beats me, this is how he shows his feelings." This fairy tale has long lost its relevance. Once upon a time, our great-grandmothers got married by agreement of their parents, without even seeing the groom before the wedding. They lived all their lives together, whether it was a successful marriage or an unhappy existence. Since divorce was impossible, then the popular “beats means loves” was a salvation and an explanation for what was happening.

Even now, despite the propaganda against violence, women are sure that it is the norm for almost every woman. modern family. After all, neighbors and relatives also have scandals. The husband beats them, and then repents, gives flowers, gold, diamonds, swears that this was the last time.

It comes to the point that sometimes wives see a split personality in their husbands: they consider the kind and with flowers to be real, and the aggressive with fists - an accident, illness, circumstances. Sometimes women subconsciously begin to provoke their spouse so that he will give gifts the next day. But in such cases, fights happen more often, and apologies - less and less.

Suicide threats

Sometimes men blackmail their wives by committing suicide if they leave them and leave. Often these words do not mean real threat, this is just an excuse to keep you always with you, to be able to control you. Plus, women become pliable, they begin to be afraid of even their own shadow. Who wants to be the cause of someone else's death, even if this person brings moral and physical pain.

To live in constant fear and tension, to be afraid for the possible death of a person "through your fault" - did you expect this when you got married? If you succumb to blackmail, you will forever be a guilty and deeply unhappy woman without guilt. And after a couple of decades, such a “male” can go to another, and you will be left alone. Due to constant worry nervous breakdowns your hair will begin to gray prematurely, wrinkles will appear, the shine in your eyes will disappear. You need it?

Do not pity your husband, stay femme fatale- Give him the opportunity to do as he sees fit. Only a few are capable of taking such a terrible step as suicide. The most they can do is fake an attempt to keep you on a short leash. Otherwise, they only develop in wives a sense of guilt and despair. By the way, all suicides are registered in a psychiatric hospital. And in some cases, it will be very difficult for him, especially if he wants to change jobs or acquire personal transport. Don't forget to tell your spouse.

Children need a father

Many women think that a tyrant dad is better than no father at all. This is where they are wrong. Seeing constant scandals and fights of parents, the psyche of children is deeply traumatized. This is dangerous for boys: as adults, they copy the behavior of their father in their family. It is hard for girls - in the future, to create a family, they will subconsciously look for cruel men who look like their father.

As a result, the tyrant will ruin the life not only for you, but also for innocent children. Sometimes husbands raise their hand even to them, which cannot but affect the mental and physical health kids. Do you know that the majority of child murderers are convicted of killing fathers who beat their wives and children? And public opinion condemns the mother in all this, who did not protect the child from such a “loving” and “caring” dad.

material dependence

One of common causes why wives do not leave their husbands who beat them - financial dependence. They have nowhere and nothing to live on. This situation often develops in families where wives either do not work or receive a very small salary. Despite such difficulties, if desired, you can find a way out. Ask for help from relatives or friends, explain the situation, ask for help. They will definitely support you, help you to hold out for the first time until you find a job.

Understand that the safety of children is also in your hands. Many successful, financially independent women also started from scratch. There were in the same terrible circumstances (or even worse). If they can get up, then so can you.

Aggressive husbands are a twenty-first century problem

If you are still considering whether to continue your life in torment, or if you think that a beating husband is your karma, consider the following information:

• In Russia, a woman dies every 40 minutes at the hands of her husband or cohabitant. Every year a terrible number - from 12 to 14 thousand people.
• The risk of dying at the hands of a stranger in our country is an order of magnitude lower than in your own family.
• Every day, every 36,000 women are beaten by their husbands and cohabitants.
• More than 50,000 children run away from home to escape the beating of their parents.
• About 2,000 children take their own lives every year. The reason is that one of their parents beat them.

Perhaps this information will inspire you to the right decision, will help you understand whether it is worth living with someone who poses a threat to you or your loved ones.

When an adequate man can raise his hand

A real man should never, under any circumstances, raise his hand to a woman. This is a rule that everyone should know. But there are exceptions. A man can hit if, for example, his life is in danger. This is at the level of instinct. Aggression is manifested if the same applies to his children. Therefore, you should not throw yourself at your husband with a frying pan or at children with a belt. The consequences can be dire.

You can take a man out of himself adultery. Especially if he devoted his whole life to the family, and she walks, say, with his best friend. Many murders are committed out of jealousy. The person is in a state of affect. There is no excuse for this, but you should still be honest with your loved one. Exercise caution.

family psychology

Why do our men often resort to forceful methods of influence? Because by nature they have a need for self-affirmation at any cost. This is such a male instinct that makes someone go to war, someone go in for sports, someone fight in the doorways, and someone beat his wife and children. Not all men are inclined to realize their need to assert themselves with the help of physical strength.

Sometimes a woman herself provokes the appearance of aggression in a man prone to her. She begins to present to him some increased requirements, doubts the capabilities of the spouse, ridicules his actions and plans. And then he gets a slap in the face from an unrestrained missus. When a man has a predisposition to violence, one should try to show as little hostility towards him as possible. Otherwise there will be Great chance the fact that beating his wife will become quite acceptable and commonplace for a spouse.

It so happens that fights in the family are like a kind of love recharge. After them, the spouses begin to experience even greater attraction to each other. Here the situation with violence is hopeless. This is necessary for both a man and a woman to stir up passion, strengthen mutual affection. Even if such a couple breaks up, then not for long.

In principle, almost all wives regularly beaten by their husbands are in the trap of addiction. The overwhelming majority of them from time to time leave their tyrants, but then, for one reason or another, return to them again. If a husband allowed himself to beat his wife more than once or twice, psychologically she is already suppressed. Whether a woman wants it or not, subconsciously she becomes attached to her despot. Who knows why this is happening. Either the ancient instincts are waking up, or the fear of loneliness is depressing. Or maybe some complexes work or incorrect upbringing contributes to the connivance of violence by the husband.

How to behave as a woman

I must say that a strong-willed, ambitious, self-confident and self-confident woman will never become a wife who is constantly beaten by her husband. Without thinking for a long time, she immediately breaks off relations with a man. And will never renew them again.

And a woman of weak character, with low self-esteem, can tolerate a fighter all her life. Dooming, thus, themselves and their own children to continuous misfortunes. Well, weak people in general they are not capable of decisive actions, and it is impossible to change the character quickly. And yes, it's not easy to change. Therefore, in order not to fall into the clutches of a husband-beast, one must try to discern in him a tendency to tyranny in advance.

Often men who gravitate towards complete dictatorship in the family are quite attractive. They can turn a girl's head, surrounding her with attention and care. It seems to a young lady in love that next to such a man she will always be comfortable and reliable, like behind a stone wall. However, after the wedding, the stone wall suddenly becomes a prison wall. And in the relationship of the newly-made spouses, the scheme of relations between the boa constrictor and the rabbit begins to work.

What should alert a girl at the beginning acquaintance

Signs that a man is predisposed to the manifestation of physical aggression:

• The hidden despot, almost immediately after meeting, begins to let go of seemingly innocent remarks about her friends, relatives and acquaintances.
• The future tyrant husband often tries to arouse jealousy in the girl, drawing her attention to how other young ladies seem to be flirting with him.
• The guy is trying to alienate the girl from her relatives, convincing her that mom, dad, brother, sister want to destroy their relationship.
• A man can quickly become enraged by some little thing and lose control of himself.

Prevention of domestic violence

At first, such behavior is not very conspicuous and is not perceived sharply by the girl. And then, completely unnoticed by herself, she finds herself at the mercy of a tyrant. Friends disappear, relatives recede into the background. The faithful begins to make a fuss and lose his temper for any reason, calling names, humiliating, using force. The poor thing despairs, rushes about, tries to please him, but all her attempts to normalize the atmosphere in the house are useless.

A woman should try to raise her own self-esteem. There are many ways to develop respect and love for your personality. Selecting the most suitable of them will not be great work. Yes, my husband has already managed to convince us that we are ugly, clumsy, stupid, and so on. However, each person is valuable in itself and worthy of happiness, and we are no exception. And no one has the right to encroach on this happiness and take it away from us.

If we want to save the family, while improving the atmosphere in the house, we need to act gradually and consistently. Eliminate the fear of a spouse in ourselves, tear it out by the roots! After all, we are free and the choice of life path always remains with us. And, since the decision has already been made to save the marriage, we will try to behave with our husband a little differently. We often praise his virtues, become more affectionate, calmer, more positive.

Aggression surrounds us everywhere. You can get nasty in line, at the clinic, while traveling by car, behind the counter of a store. But the worst thing is when the family is the main field of war and battles. A place that is considered a stronghold of security suddenly becomes a major threat to life and health. What to do, where to seek protection, if your spouse, who swore an oath to protect and cherish you, no longer fulfills it? domestic violence - serious occasion think about whether your union is so strong, and whether you need it.

By the way, according to statistics, men can also suffer from beatings in the family. Powerful women in the 20% prove themselves right by applying physical strength. But most of them are, of course, tyrant husbands.

Destroying the main stereotype about victims of domestic violence

Beat - means love? Every Russian woman heard this phrase at least once and even justified her husband's behavior with it. But we will consider why the wife actually allows her husband to beat herself, what is the psychological background of such behavior of the victim of violence.

It is believed that if a woman was brought up in a similar family situation, then she subconsciously seeks to recreate the same model in her own marriage. But no, that's not always the case. Much more often they suffered from a lack of love from their mother in childhood. Such women converge in alliance with men who have also experienced humiliation in the past, as a result of which the relationship between such spouses is emotionally strong. At the stage of acquaintance, spouses have confidence that they understand each other perfectly, like no one else. But in fact - this tyrant found himself an ideal victim.

Between the beating husband and the beaten wife, a strong psychological co-dependence arises, from which both are unable to refuse. During periods of calm, this is expressed in passion, affection, a special connection that separates them from the outside world. However, the longer such a marriage lasts, the more difficult it is to get out of it. And the more the aggressor will show violence “out of love”, and the victim will endure and blindly believe in empty promises"Don't do that again."

The behavior of a woman can be attributed to the concept of " stockholm syndrome". She justifies the actions of her tyrant husband, meekly forgives him for beatings of any complexity, since she is dependent on him. Often such a man deliberately forbids his wife to work, which automatically deprives her of her livelihood if she leaves. However, even if the spouse finds strength in herself, the dominant spouse once again threatens and uses violence, just to leave the woman on whom he depends no less.

Psychotypes of men most prone to violence

Not necessarily those representatives that fit the presented personality psychotypes will show aggression. In addition, a tyrant husband may have a completely different set of qualities, but be an aggressor for other reasons. Nevertheless, let's consider the types most psychologically prone to authority and dominance.

1. Epileptoid. These are individuals who tend to get annoyed over trifles. They are pedantic, tend to put everything in order, overly economical, vindictive. Such men are pissed off by the sensitivity of a woman, they find fault with any of her actions with or without cause. In a marriage with such a husband, only one who has either similar personality traits, or occupying high position having weight in society. She can force herself to be respected, a man-epileptoid will take such a woman as an equal. Everyone else can hardly stand against complex nature a spouse who is able to resort to threats and violence in order to save the marriage.
2. Paranoid type. The most embittered type of personality due to its suspiciousness, which gives rise to unreasonable jealousy. Living with such a man - constant waiting beatings, accusations, claims. Moreover, at the beginning of the acquaintance, the paranoid is completely different: noble, courteous, charming. He is a sadist. At first he hurts, and then he apologizes for a long time, right down to kneeling in front of his wife and crying. This gives him pleasure. If the partner is not ready to play such games, then it will be extremely difficult for her.

You may find the audio recording of the workshop “How to Deal with Your Anger” helpful. by Denis Burkhaev.

Possible risk factors for aggression

A man may be violent if:

• As a child, he showed aggression towards living things or had general problems with discipline.
• The man's family was filled with violence.
• Parents often punished or made strict demands.
• Has a head injury.
• He experienced difficulties in studying at school, he had poor academic performance.
• Does not feel sympathy for surrounding people and phenomena.

The presence of all factors, however, does not always lead to violence. Many men are more persistent, they know how to keep themselves under control. But the slightest stressful situation capable of "awakening" the aggressor in him. Unfortunately, not all of them are aware of their difficulties and recognize them.

Causes of violence

A man beats his wife, demonstrating his power - it seems so at first glance. But the impression is deceiving. The true reason is his impotence, not his strength. beating become a habit such a man because of impunity and lack of resistance. Such behavior has become fixed in the mind of a tyrant due to the fact that inside him there is a struggle between the “non-male” manifestation of feelings and the true model of the “real man”. The husband breaks down because he is unable to express his feelings due to the fact that he considers it unmanly. Tension accumulates, and he splashes it out on the one at hand - on his wife. At the same time, the aggressor wants to get care, comfort from his wife, but if she fails to calm him down with words, then her husband beats her. Thus, he, as it were, punishes himself for weakness, but the woman suffers physically and mentally.

The dominating spouse reacts sharply to any attempts by his wife to speak to another man, to show politeness. He crushes her out fear of losing, stay alone. In addition, in situations where the spouse refuses to have sex or devotes a lot of time to someone else - friends, relatives, the husband feels rejected, thinks that she is indifferent to him. This causes outbursts of aggression.

It also happens that a woman partly provokes her husband herself. If she often shows dissatisfaction, mocks at some ideas of her husband, does not allow her to meet with friends, then the man is even sure that he is doing the right thing, punishing her with his fists for hostility. This moment says that he not only interprets the situation incorrectly, but also considers himself right, that he has good reasons for violence.

What should a woman do to avoid becoming a victim of violence? Is it possible to save a family?

First of all, it would be nice to come to a joint meeting with a psychologist. find out the reasons aggressive behavior spouse, help him solve his problems, and his wife to change the strategy, find other ways of protection and assistance. If a man has a desire to change, and the roots of the problem lie in childhood, then it is possible to save a family.

It is important for a woman from the very first attempt to use violence against her, to clearly define the boundaries of what is permitted. Be prepared to give him sanctions and execute them if necessary. The husband must know that he will lose her if he is not restrained.

If attempts to reach an agreement do not lead to anything, one cannot stay with a tyrant whose aggression is only growing. It does not matter whether other relatives will be on the side of the wife, but it is important not to endure beatings, bullying, not to blame yourself, not to defend your husband, but to leave immediately. Do not listen to anyone's advice, if the mind tells you that it will not get better.

It doesn't matter if it's a slap or a push, an insult, a bruise. Violence always escalates when there is no response. Fractures, dislocations, severe concussions - that's what awaits you. And then death. Therefore, it is better to leave without serious health consequences.

The safety of a woman and the health of children depend only on herself. Despite the fact that initially it lies on the shoulders of a man. But the tyrant does not cope with his functions, and a woman should recognize this fact in time in order to remain intact. It is not her fault and cannot be. Neither feeling nor financial situation should not be at the forefront. If you want to save your life, run. If a man loves and is capable of adequate thinking, then he will begin to change for the sake of the family. But this rarely happens. And pulling the strap of suffering alone is not an option.

Worst of all, society is not responding to problems domestic violence, or does not attach due importance to them. Therefore, a woman has to cope on her own, to be strong and wise.