The nature of the relationship between children and the emotional well-being of the child. The relationship of children in joint activities

Features of the relationship between children and adults in a modern family

The basis for the formation of new psychological and personal qualities of adolescents is communication in the process of various types of activities carried out by them (educational, industrial activities, various sports, creativity, etc.). During this period, there is a reorientation of communication with parents, teachers, and generally with elders to peers, more or less equal in position. Such a reorientation can occur slowly and gradually or abruptly and violently; it is expressed in different ways in different spheres of activity, in which the prestige of elders and peers is not the same, but it happens without fail. Therefore, the purpose of our study was to determine the characteristics of the relationship between adolescents and adults.

Today, the parental family remains the most important institution for the socialization of adolescents. However, the family no longer has the self-sufficient role it claimed in the previous era. Parental authority is no longer absolute, now the prohibition and coercion are replaced by persuasion. Moral authority is much more difficult to maintain than power based on force, especially when the range of sources of information and choice of circle of communication expands.

Moreover, adolescence is a time for testing all family members for social, personal and family maturity. It comes with crises and conflicts. During this period, all hidden contradictions come out.

This is how the separation of a teenager from his parents, opposition to them begins. The child may become rude, harsh, critical of parents and other adults. Previously, relatives did not notice much in the child, they believed in the infallibility of their authority, and now they were, as it were, overthrown from the pedestal. This happens because in the eyes of a teenager, mother and father remain a source of emotional warmth, without which he feels restless. They remain both the power that manages punishments and rewards, and an example to follow, embodying the best human qualities, and an older friend who can be trusted with everything. But over time, these functions change places.

In this regard, even in prosperous families there is a certain difficulty in communicating with children of senior school age. Moreover, the complexity increases also because parents often do not understand that communication with grown-up children should be built differently than with small ones. Parents do not always distinguish between what should be prohibited and what should be allowed. All this can create a very difficult situation.

Depending on the situation prevailing in them, all families can be divided into five groups:

1. Families in which very close, friendly relations between parents and children. This atmosphere is favorable for all members of the family, since parents have the opportunity to influence those aspects of the life of a son or daughter that are only suspected in other families.

In such families, parents listen to the opinion of children in matters of modern music, fashion, etc. And children to the opinion of their loved ones in other, more significant, matters. Teenagers brought up in such families are usually active, friendly, and independent.

2. Families where a friendly atmosphere reigns. Parents monitor the development of children, are interested in their lives, try to influence by virtue of their own cultural capabilities. There are conflicts in these families, but they are open and immediately resolved. Nothing is hidden from parents here, they are trusted. In such families, there is a certain distance between the elders and the younger. Children usually grow up polite, friendly, compliant, obedient. Rarely declare their independence.

3. A large group of families where parents pay sufficient attention to the education of children, their life, but they are limited to this. These guys have everything they need for life: clothes, audio, video equipment, etc. Children in such families have a separate room, but the furniture is expensive, it is arranged strictly and there is no way to move it, rearrange it. “Dilute dirt in the room” is also prohibited. Parents neglect the hobbies of children, and this creates a certain barrier between them. The motto of such parents is: "No worse than others." There is clearly a conflict between parents and children. Financial support does not always satisfy the needs of high school students; parents simply do not consider many of these requests worthy of attention.

4. There are families where the child is being monitored, they do not trust him, they use physical assault. In such families, there is always a conflict between grown-up children and parents. Sometimes it is hidden, periodically breaking through.

Adolescents from such families develop persistent hostility towards their parents, distrust of adults in general, difficulties in communicating with peers, with the outside world.

5. The situation in these families is critical. There is an abnormal relationship between children and parents. The atmosphere is tense, antisocial, in such families one or both parents drink. The influence of such a family is pernicious it is the cause of many crimes of adolescents.

From the foregoing, we can conclude that the position of a high school student in the family is largely determined by the atmosphere that prevails in it. If a teenager feels the love of his parents, they are attentive to him, but not intrusive, then this difficult period growing up, the child will most likely go smoothly, without disruption. And vice versa, if a teenager feels abandoned, useless, then callousness, selfishness, and aggression towards others appear.

If the difficulty in communicating between parents and adolescents is obvious, then most likely this is a contradiction between the desire of children to be independent and the desire of parents to see them obedient and dependent, as in childhood. However, this is only the visible part of the iceberg. In fact, during adolescence between parents and children, the conflicts of “generations” associated with age distance become aggravated.

Those problems that concern a teenager are nothing serious for parents, since they have already overcome them and forgot. Youth seems to them cloudless and problem-free, that is, an ideal time in which everything is simple and easy. And what is important for parents, what they would like to warn their children about, these children do not care at all. They are still far from the responsibility of 35-45-year-olds, and from experience, hopes, searches.

Adults and children also disagree about who to be friends with, what profession to choose, whether modern music, cinema, fashion, etc. are good. And this is not accidental. Parents grew up in different conditions. They are very busy with the experiences of their children teenagers.

Children are behaving provocatively. They believe that “ancestors” are people who have everything behind them. They are annoyed by the backward tastes of their parents. And close adults become a “mechanism” for providing needs and limiting freedom.

As a result, contact and respect are lost. Barricades are being built and revolutionary actions are taking place. Everyone is uncomfortable with this. Who should take the first step towards reconciliation? In most cases, the parents. They are wiser, and they have more experience in communication. Adults should always remember that teenagers want to see friends in their parents who will help solve the problems of self-consciousness and self-determination. It can be beyond the power to do it yourself, there is a feeling of hopelessness, and not from a lack of information, but from a lack of mutual understanding, sympathy.

Moreover, it is often easier for boys and girls to talk about problems with an adult than with a peer. It is easier to show helplessness, weakness, insecurity in front of parents. Unless, of course, there is emotional tension in the family. If this tension is present, conflicts cannot be avoided.

Our study of the relationship between adults and adolescents was carried out using the method of formalized interviews with families with adolescent children. Adolescents and adults were asked the same questions for the purpose of subsequent comparison of the answers received.

Most of the adolescents surveyed answered the question: “Do you have problems in your relationship with your parents?” answered "Yes". This majority was 67%. The parents of these teenagers also noted that there are problems in their relationship, and these problems are associated with a difficult transition period in their children's lives. Adults have identified the following problems that arise almost every day: misunderstanding, disobedience, optionality, irresponsibility on the part of their children. 86% of parents from surveyed families complain that their children spend a lot of time at the computer, being exposed to it. negative influence. In many families, the computer has replaced live communication between family members.

Children in these families do not need advice from their wise parents, they simply ignore them, to which parents do not know how to react. This is the problem of our time. To the question: "How do you fill your free time?". 90% of the respondents answered: by sitting at a computer and a cell phone. Little time is spent in communication with parents, little joint activities: sports, walks, joint visits to cinemas, museums, cafes. From this follows the conclusion: living relationships are being replaced by virtual ones, in which adolescents are immersed, forgetting about the reality of life.

75% of teenagers to the question: “Who do you spend your free time with?” They answered: "With friends." Parents stay away. Hence the coldness in relationships and misunderstanding, because teenagers do not open their problems to their parents, not giving them the opportunity to come to their aid. To the question: “Do you have a goal in life?” 79% of teenagers answered in the negative. Most teenagers today have no purpose in life. They just go with the flow. Children are angry with their parents, parents with their children.

39% of the 20 families I interviewed are in a second or even third marriage. This affects their relationship with each other. It's already mixed families and in them there are more problems associated with the step relationship of children. In such families, children may leave home.

25% of children are raised by one parent. It is not surprising that children and adolescents in such families are left to their own devices. No one controls them, they themselves survive in such difficult conditions for them. Such dysfunctional families teenage boys are under attack. 10% of the respondents from such families left home, lived in stairwells, fell into bad company, and began to get involved in drugs.

To the question of adults: “If you could go back a few years ago, would you change your relationship with your children and with each other?” 58% answered positively. Adults understand their mistakes that they have made in the past and would like to avoid them if such a chance presented itself. To the question: “Would you like your children to be like you?” 80% answered "no". Which is quite paradoxical, because children are traditionally a reflection of their parents in a slightly modified version.

I also noticed among the interviewed adults that they mainly blame the existing problems on the children themselves, society, school, the street and remove their share of responsibility in education. They believe that it is enough only to financially provide for their child, the rest will be done by the school. And 90% of the fathers surveyed do not take part in upbringing at all. They do not live the life of their children, they do not have close relationships. Children with such fathers have nothing to even talk about.

But with an overall not very positive picture of relationships, 12% of respondents have close good relationships in the family. In such families, teenagers study well, respect their elders, and help around the house. And always positive. In such families, love, mutual understanding, peace reign. And for children brought up in such families, the parent is the closest friend.

It can be concluded that the factors influencing the relationship between adults and children are, first of all, love for your child, support, discipline, and the ability to direct him on the right path. Also, parents should be good example for their children. Parents will not be able to raise children who are not themselves.

Despite the general opposition to the adult, the teenager feels the need for support. Especially favorable is the situation when an adult acts as a friend. In this case, an adult can make it much easier for a teenager to find his place in the system of new, emerging interactions, to know himself better. Joint activities, common pastime help the teenager to get to know the adults cooperating with him in a new way. As a result, deeper emotional and spiritual contacts are created that support the teenager in life.

An adult should be a friend of a teenager, but a special friend, different from a peer friend. This is due not only to the difference in the social positions of an adult and a maturing person (one already has a certain range of duties and the rights arising from them; the other is still striving to obtain these rights, having a rather vague idea of ​​duties), but also by the special psychological function that adult. An adult is a friend-leader. Its task is to help a teenager to know himself, to assess his abilities and capabilities, to find his place in the complex world of adults.

The task of an adult is to be close to a teenager. And this means - in time to come to his aid, prompt, advise, and if necessary, intervene more actively in the life of a teenager. An adult nearby means that a teenager has a reliable and experienced friend who will skillfully and tactfully lead him through the difficulties of adolescence and youth. This means that a teenager will always feel the freedom and independence, respect and trust that he needs at this time. This means that his needs, desires and interests will meet with understanding and support.

Bibliography:

1 Vulfov B.Z. Interaction of factors of socialization of the child's personality // Cooperation of the family, children's associations and social educators in the process of socialization of the personality of the child. - Chelyabinsk, 1996.

2. Vygotsky L.S. Collected works: in 6 volumes. V.4 Child psychology / Ed. D.B. Elkonina.- M.: Pedagogy, 1984.

3. Zhinot H. Parents and a teenager. Series "Magic formula". - Rostov n / D .: "Phoenix", 1997.

4. Korolev S.L. Value Orientation of Modern Youth // Philosophy of Education. - 2003. - No. 6.

5. Krivov Yu.I. On the place of the concept of "socialization" in modern pedagogy // Pedagogy. - 2003. - No. 2.

STATE BUDGET EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION OF SECONDARY VOCATIONAL EDUCATION OF THE CITY OF MOSCOW

PEDAGOGICAL COLLEGE №13 named after S.Ya. MARSHAK

COURSE WORK

Topic: "Features of the relationship of children of primary school age with peers"

Scientific supervisor of the course work :

Grade:

____________________________

____________________________

Moscow 2014

INTRODUCTION:…………………………………………………………………..…. 3

1. The role of communication in personality development………………………………………. 5

   The concept of relationship and relationship……………………………..6

Chapter Conclusion…………………………………………………………………..8

2.1. Developing relationships with peers in primary school age…9

2.2. The role of a primary school teacher in developing the ability of a primary school student to build relationships with peers……………………………………..14

Chapter Conclusion…………………………………..………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Conclusion………………………………………………………………………….21

List of used literature…………………………………………...22

INTRODUCTION

The problem of relationships between younger schoolchildren and their peers, despite the fact that it has been little studied in the literature, is very popular. It is necessary to determine what role plays in relations between peers in primary school age - the most crucial period of the child's transition to a new socially significant system of relations. Its relevance lies in the identification of hidden mechanisms that underlie the relationship in the team of younger students.

The problem of building relationships between younger students is also relevant because relationships are an important aspect in the life of a student. Also, their attitude towards the world around them, adults and peers is changing. At present, teachers, sociologists, psychologists distinguish a negative trend with the advent of a computer network, the attitude of children to direct communication is deteriorating.

The study of this problem is reflected in the works of such scientists as: I.V. Dubrovina, B.S. Volkov, V.S. Mukhin.

The problem of interpersonal relationships between children and peers was studied in sufficient detail (V.G. Nechaeva, A.V. Zaporozhets, A.A. Lyublinskaya, D.B. Elkonin, L.I. Bozhovich, T.A. Makarova). Numerous studies in this area have accumulated a large number of data for primary school age. Scientists especially emphasize the influence of the nature of relationships on the daily well-being and mood of children and prove the need to create pedagogical conditions, a favorable environment for the development of positive relationships between children.

Purpose: to determine the relationship of children of primary school age with peers.

Tasks:

determine the role of communication in personality development;

characterize the features of relationships in primary school age;

to determine the role of a primary school teacher in developing the ability of a primary school student to build relationships with peers.

CHAPTER 1. Relationships in Psychological and Pedagogical Literature

1.1 The role of communication in personality development

Communication is one of the strongest spiritual human needs. Without communication, human development cannot take place. The lack of communication negatively affects the development of the child - the social infantilism of the individual, his interests, the inability to flexibly combine his activity with the activity of other people.

A junior schoolboy is still a child, dependent on an adult who is significant to him, and unusually attached to his loved ones. This is perhaps the most important thing in understanding this age and our influence on the malleable, changing, growing personality of the child.

Junior school age - last period childhood. Ahead is adolescence, the next age stage, when the child turns into a teenager and separates from parents and teachers, focuses on peers and youth. Then it will be much more difficult to “invest” in it your views on life, your values ​​and ideals, your attitude to the world, to people and business. But it's ahead. In the meantime, dad, mom and the first school teacher are authority, their opinion determines almost everything in a child's life, even if he is stubborn and naughty.

1.2 The concept of relationship and relationship

In groups, there are relationships and relationships.

Relationship- this is the position of a particular person to everything that is outside of him, and to himself. Relationship - the mutual position of a particular person to another or to a group. In contrast to a relationship, in a relationship there is constant feedback. Between, on the one hand, and relation - relationship - on the other, there is a certain correlation. Relationship and relationship are aspects of communication. Separate business and personal relationships. Business occurs in the course of the performance of official duties, regulated by the charter, instruction, resolution. When a group is created, the functions of its members are defined.

There are several types of business dependency:
1) business relationship equality: members of the group perform similar functions, have the same rights and obligations;
2) business relations of subordination: in them, one person, according to the document, occupies a position obliging him to outline for another the object of application of efforts, methods of implementation, exercise control, accept execution. Another person recognizes and fulfills the requirements of the document, although they do not come from the document, but from a person with powers vested in him;
3) personal relationships arise on the basis of psychological motives: sympathy, commonality of views, interests, complementarity (complementing each other), hostility, etc. Documents are not valid in personal relationships. Relationships can end as soon as the psychologicalthat gave birth to them. The system of personal relationships is expressed in such categories as friendship, comradeship, love, hatred, alienation.

In the course of communication, some options for the ratio are distinguished business and personal relationships:
1) positive match. In a group that does not have business conflicts between group members, good personal relationships contribute to the successful completion of the task at hand. Under the influence of positive personal relationships, business relationships become less formal, but the differences between them remain;
2) strained business relationships and unfriendly personal ones. This is a pre-conflict situation. It can arise in relationships of equality and subordination. The causes of complications may be different, but the way out of the conflict situation should not be due to disruption of the business activity of the group;
3) neutral business and equally personal. Neutral is understood as such a relationship in which both parties do not go beyond the instructions.

Conclusion by chapter

In elementary school, the teacher forms motivational and personal attitudes, interpersonal attitudes, tolerance, and communication skills in the child. Starting education, the child first encounters social activities, the results of which are evaluated by others with a socially significant assessment. His relationship with the people around him also begins to be mediated by these requirements - the child develops certain ways and strategies of behavior in society. Strategies learned in childhood lay the foundation for social behavior and largely determine it in later life. A younger student needs targeted assistance in building effective behavioral strategies. Therefore, the development of social competence of younger students should become one of the most important areas of work in primary school. The actions of children of this age are often imitative in nature or are caused by spontaneously arising internal impulses.

The main goal of any education system is the development of the student's personality. Almost all researchers note that personality development at school age occurs in the learning process. Education is not only a condition, but also the basis, a means of mental and, in general, personal development of a person.

CHAPTER 2. Features of relationships in primary school age

2.1 Development of relationships with peers in primary school age

From the moment of entering school, the child develops interpersonal relationships with classmates and the teacher. However, at first, communication with peers recedes into the background for first-graders, because they are just beginning to adapt to school, get used to a new way of life, social status and a new team. Now the main activity and duty of the child is teaching, which requires discipline, organization, will from him, he has to do what is necessary, and not what he wants, to reckon with other people's desires and interests. They avoid communication with each other, exist on their own. Contacts between first-graders are carried out through a teacher. Ya. L. Kolominsky gave an example from school life first-graders: the child did not have a pen, but he did not ask his comrades for it, but attracted the attention of the teacher by crying. When the teacher asked the children if anyone had an extra pen, the student who had it gave it not to a friend personally, but to the teacher.

Having adapted at school, the child begins to actively establish friendly contacts. If by the age of 9-10 the child has developed friendly relations with one of his classmates, we can conclude that he knows how to establish contact with a peer.

For children 8-11 years old, personality traits become important: kindness, attentiveness, independence, self-confidence, honesty.

All these qualities manifest themselves in different ways at different stages of primary school age. For first graders, the most important features of the leaders are good looks, activity, willingness to share things and sweets, good academic performance, physical strength in boys. And in "unattractive" children - inactivity, inconstancy in friendship, tearfulness.

By the end of primary school age, organizational skills, independence, self-confidence, and honesty come to the fore when evaluating peers. Indicators related to learning. They fade into the background. For "unattractive" children at this age, such qualities as social passivity, an unscrupulous attitude to work and to other people's things are characteristic.

Such criteria for evaluating classmates are associated with the peculiarities of the perception of younger students and their understanding of another person, namely, with a weak ability to highlight the main thing in the subject, situationality, emotionality, reliance on specific facts and difficulties in establishing cause-and-effect relationships.

The first impression of another person in younger schoolchildren is also situational, stereotyped, focused on external signs.

The older the children become, the more fully and adequately they realize their position in the peer group. But in the third grade there is a restructuring of interpersonal relationships and their awareness. The adequacy of perception social status decreases: children who occupy a favorable position in the class underestimate it, and those with unsatisfactory performance consider their position acceptable. This is due to the fact that during this age period there is a need to occupy a certain position in the peer group. Also, at the age of 9-10, schoolchildren begin to react more sharply to remarks made to them in the presence of classmates, become more shy and embarrassed not only by unfamiliar adults, but also by unfamiliar children. The condemnation by teachers of a student in front of the whole class is a traumatic factor for him, often requiring psychotherapeutic intervention.

"Unattractive" children for peers are very acutely experiencing their situation, and often they may experience inadequate affective reactions. But, if a child has at least one mutual attachment, he experiences less. This attachment is a psychological defense for him.

The leading role in the formation of interpersonal relations among younger students belongs to the teacher, since he is the highest authority for them during this period. The teacher, unwittingly, may contribute to the isolation of the child in the classroom. If he himself does not love any child, often condemns him, makes comments to him, then the children begin to evaluate their peers in the same way and stop accepting him. If the teacher praises one of the students and sets him as an example to other children, then classmates also stop communicating with him, considering him a “favorite”. But the teacher can also help the "isolated" child to become his own in the team. This should be a purely individual work, depending on the specific situation. But there are also general recommendations: you need to involve the child in interesting activities; to help him succeed in the activities on which his position depends; overcome his affectivity (temper, pugnacity, touchiness); help build self-confidence; invite authoritative peers to support the child.

Parents can also help the younger student to establish contacts with peers. To do this, they must be friendly and hospitable when the child brings friends home, treat them to dishes that they like, invite them on joint walks, excursions, going to the cinema, help the child take the first steps towards establishing relationships with classmates.

In order for self-esteem to be sufficiently high and adequate, he must know his abilities and have the opportunity to implement them. A child at this age seeks to master various skills, to do something better than anyone else. In case of success, he develops a sense of his own skill, usefulness, and in case of failure, a feeling of inferiority. It is important for a child that his skills are appreciated by both adults and peers. He must feel his value and originality. For example, if a student does not study well, but draws well, an exhibition of his work can be organized at school. This can change both the child's attitude to learning and the class, and the attitude of classmates towards him.

A child's knowledge of his strengths and weaknesses contributes to the formation of his independence, self-confidence, independence, and competence in communicating with peers.

In addition to the fact that communication with peers affects self-esteem and helps the socialization of children, it also stimulates their learning. By the end of grade 1, children are able to perceive learning objectives as being for the whole class. They notice which of the children interferes with work, who masters the educational material well, and who does not. It has been proven that equal communication gives the child the experience of control and evaluation actions and statements. If an adult organizes the work, and children work independently, they better take into account the positions of their peers, their points of view. Thanks to this, reflexive actions develop (reflection is the ability to perceive and evaluate one's relationships with other members of the group). Also, in the process of joint work, children learn to pay attention not only to the result, but also to the way of their own and others' actions.

Gradually, younger students develop a social orientation of the individual, an interest in the affairs of classmates. Initially, the social orientation is manifested in the desire to do everything together with peers, to do what others do. That is why younger students often imitate each other (for example, if one child raises his hand, others do it too). Gradually, the public orientation is developing. Children begin to feel like part of a team.

Relationships with peers form in children the desire to satisfy the needs and requirements of other people. This is confirmed by an experiment conducted by V. G. Yakovlev: the children were read the story of V. P. Kataev “Flower-Semitsvetik”, after which they had to anonymously writing answer the question of how they would spend the magic petals. Most of the children in their responses had desires aimed at satisfying the needs and interests of other people (to become doctors, "so that there are no sick people", to be strong, "to protect all the small and weak").

Public orientation is one of the prerequisites for the child to assimilate the requirements presented to him by the children's team. But in order to better assimilate these requirements, the team needs an organizer. The role of the organizers is performed by the elders, on duty. The so-called “relationships of business dependence” are being formed (as A. S. Makarenko puts it).

Younger students strive to find their place in the team, to win the respect of their comrades. To do this, they are forced to reckon with the opinion of the team, obey its rules and traditions. As a result, moral feelings and aspirations are formed.

Just like preschoolers, younger students complain a lot about each other. The motive for these complaints is the desire of the guys to achieve the right behavior on the part of all students. In the first grade, children openly complain to the teacher about each other, and the one they complain about is not offended. In grades 3-4, students begin to discuss the actions and actions of their comrades among themselves and influence them through public opinion. If one of the students complains to the teacher, they begin to condemn him and perceive him as a sneak. In the case of incorrect educational work, there is a tendency to cover for a comrade, even if he has committed a bad deed. This indicates the creation by students of grades 3-4 of their own norms of behavior that regulate relationships in the class. At this age, the opinions of comrades are easier to assimilate and often have greater influence on each individual student than the opinion of the teacher.

According to the Gesell scale, at 6 years of age, children show a clear interest in making friendships; get along well with friends, but do not play together for a long time without adult supervision; argue, physically fight, strive to insist on their own; often complain; may show lust for power in relation to some children, exclude the third from the game; They don't know how to lose and cheat to win. For children 9 years old are characteristic the following signs: most children have a good friend of the same age and gender, they belong to a certain group of children; get along well with friends, despite the quarrels and disagreements encountered; V more show interest in activities than in their own attitude towards a friend, there is cooperative activity.

2.2 The role of the primary school teacher in developing the ability of the primary school student to build relationships with peers

The ability to communicate does not come by itself, it is acquired at the cost of effort. Probably, without exception, all parents want to see their child happy, smiling, able to communicate with surrounding children and adults. The sooner attention is drawn to this, to this side of a child's life, the less problems he will have in his future life. The importance of relationships with others is enormous, and their violation is one of the indicators of developmental deviations. It is necessary to help the child establish relationships with others so that this factor does not become a brake on personal development. In our modern, technological time, we can identify such a problem as the inability of children to freely make contact, communicate and interact with each other. Therefore, it can be noted with confidence that children who do not master the skills of a culture of communication learn worse than others. program material, as well as, as experience shows, the knowledge, skills and abilities of children are formed more effectively in joint and collective activity. The lack of ability to cooperate with peers gives rise to the child's lack of success in cognitive activity, and, consequently, as a result of this, difficulties arise in his adaptation at school.

Problems in communicating with peers can occur in a child in kindergarten and elementary school. However, at this age there is still no team cohesion, and attempts to offend another child are not systemic. By the third grade, the so-called public opinion is formed, with which, whether the child wants it or not, he must reckon with it. By the age of 10-11, an understanding of how one should behave in a particular children's team takes on a stable form. It is at this age that students actively strive to find their place in the group, to gain the authority and respect of classmates. Thus, an atmosphere of rivalry is created, which often provokes the occurrence of regular persecution of one or more members of the class.
Most often, aggressive harassment is expressed in the form of insults, threats, or vice versa. complete disregard victims.

The goal of the instigator is to assert himself and stand out in the team. Much less often personal revenge. Sometimes in school team there are children trying to protect the victim. The arrival of an advocate can make all the difference, especially if they are not alone in their authority or against the bullying. As practice shows, in this case, the persecution most often stops.

Often, physically weak, anxious, timid and lonely children become the object of persecution. Experts refer to the psychological characteristics of the victim: physical disabilities and illnesses that negatively affect the appearance, unsuccessful in school, often missing classes, overprotected by parents, inadequately evaluating themselves (having both too high and low self-esteem), unwilling to follow the rules and hierarchy in team.
A gifted child can also become an outcast.

Conclusion by chapter

From the moment of entering school, the child develops interpersonal relationships with classmates and the teacher. However, at first, communication with peers recedes into the background for first-graders, because they are just beginning to adapt to school, get used to a new way of life, social status and a new team. Now the main activity and duty of the child is teaching, which requires discipline, organization, will from him, he has to do what is necessary, and not what he wants, to reckon with other people's desires and interests. Children can be so absorbed in their new status that sometimes they simply do not notice their classmates and cannot answer the question of who was sitting next to them. They avoid communication with each other, exist on their own. Contacts between first-graders are carried out through a teacher.

Throughout the junior school childhood understanding of friendship and attitude towards friends is changing. For a child of 6-7 years old, a friend is the one with whom he plays, sits at the same desk or lives in the same house. In choosing a friend, the child focuses not on personality traits, but on behavior. It is important for him that with friends it was good and fun. Friendships are short-lived, they are easy to form and just as easy to end.

Gradually, the child develops a system personal relationships, which is based on direct emotional relationships.

A teacher for a first grader is the main authority. Every child tries to get attention and praise from the teacher. Most first graders are highly motivated to learn. The structure of motivation is dominated by cognitive motives: "I want to study in order to learn new things, learn to read, write."

In the second grade, the teacher remains an authority, but the attitude towards him becomes more personal - children tend to communicate with him during breaks and excursions. The ability to interact with peers in games and learning develops. Cognitive reflection develops in children. They begin to evaluate the reasons for their failures. For some, because of this, self-esteem decreases ("I'm bad, because I write and read badly"). Will, memory, voluntary attention gradually develop.

In the third grade, children begin to evaluate teachers more realistically, and this may lead to dismissive attitude towards them, “nihilism”, fear, anger or resentment. It is important to explain to children that relationships are a two-way street and they should also make efforts to ensure that relationships with adults are good. Peer relationships become more important. Self-esteem is built more on relationships with peers: "I'm good because I have many friends." For most students, third grade is the most stable period in elementary school. Children are already accustomed to their social role. They perform standard tasks well, they know how to act according to the model.

In the fourth grade, children enjoy interacting with adults. It's almost the last age period when the child is so open. It is during this period that one can most effectively influence the formation of a child's worldview. In relationships with peers, children become more independent - in games and group lessons willingly take on the role of a leader, imbued with the affairs of friends, help, provide psychological support. Self-esteem is no longer dependent on knowledge, but on the recognition by others of the value and uniqueness of their personality. There is a formation of personal moral guidelines.

If a child has friendly relations with any of his classmates by the age of 9-10, this means that the child knows how to establish close relationships. social contact with a peer, maintain a relationship for a long time, that communication with him is also important and interesting to someone.

Communication is a conditional development of the child, the most important factor, the formation of personality, one of the main types of human activity, aimed at knowing and evaluating oneself through other people.

Conclusion

should be identified and developed positive traits, raise low self-esteem, the level of claims to improve their position in the system of interpersonal relationships.

Thus, the study of interpersonal relations of children in the classroom is necessary in order to purposefully form these relationships in order to create a favorable / emotional / psychological climate for each child in the classroom, as well as for greater productivity of the teacher's purposeful educational activities.

Psychological and pedagogical conditions for the formation of the mental process we need can be considered the formation of one or another skill, as well as the appropriation of certain knowledge, therefore the emotional and psychological climate (ensuring psychological safety, creating a comfortable and not disturbing situation), the ability to enter into a conversation and keep up the conversation , the ability to include members of a team or a couple in joint activities, the ability to take into account inner world partner, commensurate their actions with the actions of another person, as well as the presence of certain personal qualities in partners - all these are necessary conditions that are a kind of foundation for the formation and development of interpersonal relationships.

List of used literature

Kolominsky Ya. L. Psychology of personal relationships in a peer group: Abstract of the thesis. doc. dis. - M., 1981.

N.E. Kovalev and others, "Introduction to Pedagogy", Moscow, 1975

Nemov R.S. Psychology: Proc. For stud. higher ped. textbook institutions: In 3 books. - 4th ed. – M.: Humanit. ed. center VLADOS, 2003. - Book. 1: General Basics psychology. – 688 p.

Practical Psychology of Education: A Textbook for Students of Higher and Secondary Specialized Educational Institutions / Ed. I. V. Dubrovina. - 2nd ed. - M .: TC "Sphere", 1998. - 528 p.

Spock B., Rosenberg M. B. The child and care for him / Per. from English; Artistic region M. V. Drako. - 3rd ed. - Minsk: Potpourri LLC, 1998. - 848 p.: ill.

Shapovalenko I.V. Age psychology (Psychology of development and age-related psychology). Moscow, 2005.

Shkuricheva N. A. Formation of positive interpersonal relationships in first graders. – M.: Mask, 2008. – 226 p.

Questions of formation children's team, characteristics groups kindergarten and interpersonal relations in it, the influence of the preschool group on the formation of the personality of individual children - all this is of exceptional interest.

Therefore, the problem of interpersonal relations, which arose at the junction of a number of sciences - philosophy, sociology, social psychology, personality psychology and pedagogy, is one of the critical issues our time. Every year it attracts more and more attention of researchers at home and abroad and is, in essence, the key problem of social psychology, which studies diverse associations of people - the so-called groups. This problem merges with the problem of “personality in the system of collective relations”, which is so important for the theory and practice of educating the younger generation.

Although preschool psychology and pedagogy has done a lot in this area, many questions still remain insufficiently investigated. In addition, the very complexity of the problem requires the use of new methodological tools used at the present stage by socio-psychological science.

As is already known, the study of preschool groups has its own traditions in psychology. Based on the fundamental provisions in the relationship between the individual and the team, presented in the works of A.S. Makarenko and N.K. Krupskaya, socially psychological research kindergarten groups began in the 30s E.A. Arkin and A.S. Zasluzhny. Further, starting from the 50s, Soviet psychology began to develop at a rapid pace, and many works appeared on the problem of interpersonal relations. Among them, unfortunately, there are only a few studies of kindergarten groups. Separate works by Ya.L. Kolominsky, L.V. Artemova and others.

In 1968, at the Institute of Preschool Education, the laboratory "Formation of the Child's Personality" was established. The efforts of the laboratory staff were directed mainly to the development of a set of methods and to the study of such issues as the structure of the relationship of children on different stages preschool childhood; features of communication and mutual assessments of children in the kindergarten age group, as well as on the solution of some issues related to the sphere of self-awareness of preschoolers.

As you know, the child's need for communication with peers arises somewhat later than his need for communication with adults. But it is in preschool period it is already very pronounced and if it does not find its satisfaction, then this leads to an inevitable delay social development. And creates the most favorable conditions right upbringing and development, namely the group of peers, in which the child enters in kindergarten.

So in his works, the American psychologist T. Shibutani, developing this idea, says that children whose parents keep them from playing with their peers often experience difficulties in relationships in life. He wrote that only "a group of equals accustoms the child to mutual actions and severely corrects mistakes." T. Shibutani suggested that the lack of that experience of a child's communication with peers dulls the ability to understand other people.

And according to the definition of the famous teacher A.P. Usova, preschool group- this is the first kind of children's society that arises in the joint games of children, where they have the opportunity to independently unite with each other and act both in small and large groups. It is in these joint games that the child acquires the social experience necessary for the development of his social qualities.

In the first stages of the study, it was confirmed that the kindergarten age group is not an amorphous association of children with spontaneously developing random relationships and connections. These relationships and connections already represent a relatively stable system in which each child, for one reason or another, occupies a certain place. Among them, an important role is played by personal qualities child, his various skills and abilities, and the level of communication and relationships in the group, which is largely determined by the character.

When studying the system of relationships in the kindergarten group, they singled out three types in them, each of which was studied separately using specially developed methods. For example, great attention in the research of the laboratory, it was given to the study of the characteristics of communication in the conditions of play activity, the area where interpersonal relations of preschool children are most clearly revealed (works by T.V. Antonova, T.A. Repina and L.A. Royak). Special techniques made it possible to obtain rich material characterizing a number of features of communication and interpersonal relations of children preschool age. T.A. Repina Special attention devoted to the study of communication between boys and girls in different age groups of kindergarten. The work of L.A. Royak is devoted to the study of children with special communication difficulties, which often lead to the isolation of such children from the team. T.V.Antonova investigated the age-related tendencies of manifestation of some features of communication.

The study of the value orientations of preschool children, the features of their mutual assessments and self-assessments was carried out in the studies of Repina, Goryainova, Sterkina. In the study by A.F. Goryainova, using specially developed mathematical techniques, the degree of unanimity in peer assessments in children of middle and older preschool age, as well as basic moral concepts, was studied. An interesting work was carried out by R.B. Sterkina on the study of self-esteem of preschool children.

An important direction in scientific research lab is studying joint activities preschool children and its influence on their mutual understanding. L.A. Krichevsky, T.A. Repina, R.A. Ivanova and L.P. Bukhtiarova devoted their works to this issue.

Research by progressive psychologists shows that the position of a child in a peer group is not constant, but can change under the influence of many factors. Changing the situation of an “unpopular” child can not only improve the “microclimate” around him with the help of positive ratings his qualities as an educator, but also his inclusion in activities where he can show himself from the best side. Repin and Bukhtiarov worked on this issue and conducted experiments.

In foreign science, there is a subjectively idealistic theory, which believes that relations between people, in particular, relations of sympathy and antipathy, are determined by their innate qualities. Accordingly, by this invariable quality, this or that child will allegedly be doomed to “unpopularity” and fall into the category of “isolated” or will be a “star” among children, i.e. he will be provided with a particularly high "popularity" in any children's group. Representatives of this theory try to find in it a justification for the class structure of society, arguing that division into classes is a law of nature. Research by our psychologists has proven otherwise. it turned out that positive relationships in children also arise when they perform a task not for themselves personally, but for other people.

Pedagogical and psychological studies show what a great role in shaping the relationship of children with each other can play, which for a small child is not only a school of knowledge of the world of adults, but also a school of human relations. The way of life of children in kindergarten and the peculiarities of their activities also leave a certain imprint on the relationship of children. A mass survey conducted by the laboratory for the formation of the child's personality of the Research Institute of Preschool Education showed that in rural kindergartens, where children often meet after returning from kindergarten, as well as in groups with boarding stays for children, friendly attachments acquired special significance for them, general level relationships and communication within the group were higher. The selectivity of the relationship between the children was more pronounced: there was more mutual choice, mutual sympathy was more stable, and the popularity of the child in the group was largely determined by his moral qualities.

The concept of relationships, relationships

In groups, collectives, there are relationships and relationships.

Man, one way or another, refers to things, events, social life, people. He likes something, but something does not, some events, facts excite him, while others leave him indifferent. Feelings, interests, attention - these are those mental processes, which express the attitude of a person, his position. In social communities, the people who make them up do not have relationships, relationships.

Relationship is a relationship that goes from people to people, “towards each other”. At the same time, if in relation it is not necessary for a person to receive a return signal, then in the relationship, “feedback” is constantly carried out. The relationship of the contacting parties does not always have the same modality (the same current). One may have a kind, good relationship with another, while another may have the opposite relationship with him.

Between communication, on the one hand, and attitude, there is a certain correlation.

Communication is a visible, observable, external connection of people. Relationship and relationship are aspects of communication. They can be explicit, but they can also be hidden and not ostentatious. The relationship is realized in communication and through communication. At the same time, the relationship imposes a seal on communication, it serves as a kind of content for the latter.

It is customary to distinguish between business and personal relationships. Business ones are created in the course of the performance of official duties, regulated by the instruction, charter, resolution. When forming a group, the functions of its members are determined. For example. A boarding school opens. The staff list provides for the director, head teacher, teachers, educators, etc. The document also defines the responsibilities of each of them. A person who has taken a particular position must perform certain work, as well as establish business contacts arising from official duties.

Psychological research has established several types of business addiction:

Business relations of equality. In this case, two or more members of a group or collective have the same functions.

Business relationships of subordination. In them, one person, according to the document, occupies a position that obliges him to outline for another the object of application of efforts, ways to exercise control, to accept execution. The other person recognizes and fulfills the instructions of the document, although they do not come from the document, but from a person with authority vested in him. Real business relationships are always richer than the provisions enshrined in instructions, charters, orders. This is due to the fact that people endowed with individual qualities relate to each other.

Personal relationships arise on the basis of psychological motives: sympathy, community, views, interests, complementarity, and others. In personal relationships they have no power. Necessary condition the emergence of these relations is the comprehension of each other. It is through learning that relationships are established. Relationships can end as soon as the psychological motives that gave rise to them disappear. The system of personal relationships is expressed in such categories as friendship, comradeship, love, hatred, alienation.

In the process of communication, several options for the correlation of business and personal relationships are outlined.

Coincidence of a positive direction. In a group that does not have business conflicts between members, good personal contacts contribute to the successful completion of the task at hand. Under the influence of positive personal relationships, business relationships become less formal. But the differences between them remain.

Strained business relationships and unfriendly personal ones. This is a pre-conflict situation. It can arise in a relationship of equality or subordination. The reasons for the complication of relations can be different, but the way out of the conflict situation should not be due to a disruption in the business activity of the members of the group, the team, a decrease in the quality and a decrease in the team of products.

Neutral business and just as personal. Neutral should be understood as such a relationship in which both parties adhere to the instructions without going beyond its aisles. These are the so-called strictly official relations. At the same time, personal ones are leveled. They do not appear, because there is no ground for it.

Interpersonal relationships determine the position of a person in a group, team. The emotional well-being, satisfaction or dissatisfaction of a person in a given community depends on how they are formed. The cohesion of the group, the team, the ability to solve tasks depends on them. So, hence the conclusion:

Attitude is the position of a person to everything that surrounds him and to himself.

Relationship is the mutual position of one person to another, the position of the individual in relation to the community.

In relation to children, attitudes and relationships are also manifested. They are born between children during the game, joint labor activity, in the classroom, etc. Between children of preschool age, a fairly wide range of relationships is found. Practice in kindergarten shows that the relationship of children in the kindergarten group does not always work out well. Along with positive character contacts, complications also arise, which sometimes lead to the “falling out” of the child from the team. Conflict relationships with peers impede normal communication with them and the full formation of the child's personality. Associated with a violation of communication, negative emotional often leads to the appearance of self-doubt, distrust of people, up to elements of aggressiveness in behavior.

In this regard, there is a need to develop specific measures with the help of which it would be possible to prevent or overcome conflict situations that give rise to a violation of the correct relationship between the children of the group. Therefore, the educator must be attentive to all the children in the group, to know their relationships and relationships. In time to notice any deviations in the relationships and relationships of children in the group.

Age dynamics of the development of relationships between preschoolers

In the preschool years, especially at the age of 5-6, there is an intensive process of the formation of self-awareness. An important component of development is awareness of oneself as a representative of a certain gender. The assimilation of patterns of behavior corresponding to sex is an integral part of the general process of socialization of a preschooler. It is carried out not only through the family, but also through peers.

The kindergarten group is, in essence, the first children's society that arises on the basis of a plot. role play where there are favorable conditions for the formation of the qualities of the public, the beginnings of collectivism.

The educational influence of the group on the preschooler is determined both by the exceptional significance of the peer group and by its emotional attraction.

The need to always participate in joint activities with peers grows from younger preschool age to older. And if the guys do not accept their friend in the game, they are expelled from the game in case of violation of the rules - this is an effective educational measure of the children's society in relation to their peers.

Socio-psychological studies of interpersonal relations of communication and interaction of preschoolers in kindergarten, conducted by Repina, Antonova, Royak and Ivankova for many years, showed that it is wrong to consider the connections that establish between children in a group as random, unstable, situational and directly emotional.

A kindergarten group for a child is a source of various experiences, both positive and negative. The group learns the skills of social behavior and moral standards in the interaction of children with each other in various types joint activities - gaming, labor, visual, etc.

The peer society in the kindergarten group, along with other functions, also performs the function of sexual socialization. Observing the communication and activities of children, we can say that the tendency to treat peers of the same sex more favorably, to participate with them in joint activities, manifests itself very early. However, by the age of 4, it is already pronounced, and children who follow the behavior prescribed by the sex are better accepted by their peers.

The teacher faces a difficult task - to find ways that promote friendship between boys and girls and at the same time not slow down the process of sexual differentiation, but only finely correct it. And one of the ways to continue disunity in the kindergarten group without disrupting the process of sexual socialization is the use of role-playing games with roles that take into account the interests of both boys and girls.

Alesya Sergeevna Chernyavskaya,
leading prevention specialist
social orphanhood public organization
"Belarusian Fund SOS-Children's Village"

Part 1. Is there a problem of building relationships between older and younger children in the family

People say: "The childhood of the first child ends when the second appears." Therefore, parents planning the appearance of a second child must remember that his birth for the first child is an event rather dramatic than joyful. After all, the role of the elder in such a situation changes dramatically and the requirements for him increase. The younger one is deprived of a “traumatic” experience - he is in the center of attention, they are touched, he is forgiven a lot and more often compared to the older one.

Problems in establishing good relationships between brothers and sisters can also arise when raising three children in a family. Moreover, middle children are in a more disadvantaged position. They are forced to give up the role of a “cute baby”, having not enjoyed enough of the status of a family pet, and are faced with the need to constantly compete both with the stronger and more skilled elder, and with the helpless and dependent younger. Not fewer questions occurs in parents and when raising 4 or more children in a family. And the most common problem that mothers and fathers have to resolve is the jealousy of the elders for the younger ones (or vice versa), the appearance of conflicts, quarrels and even fights.

Often in the popular literature you can find information that the relationship between children is influenced by their age difference, gender differences, personality traits, type of temperament. All this, of course, matters, but mainly for social roles sisters and brothers that they will fulfill in their future families. The results of research by psychologists in the second half of the 20th century unequivocally proved that the manifestation of care for each other or hostility in children's relations depends, first of all, on parents, the degree of their participation in upbringing and attitude towards each particular child.

Some experts express the opinion that competition and rivalry are much milder among children in cases of a significant (7-10 years) age difference between them, as well as if children are of different sexes. However, we emphasize once again that children of any age feel defenseless to some extent and can overcome this state only by seeking the love of their parents. Therefore, the rivalry between them in the struggle for this love is inevitable.

The frequent illnesses of one of the children can intensify the ever-present tension in the relationship of brothers and sisters. Parents, concerned about the constant malaise of the child, show him increased attention and therefore smaller than the others. Contribute to the emergence of conflicts and situations when the mother and / or father automatically “record” the older child as adults, constantly demand understanding and help from him or compare the “good” little with the “bad” older.

In this regard, each modern parent, considering options for behavior with children of different ages in the family, must answer the question: “What is the most important thing in the life of his son and daughter? What does each child need most? Experts in such a situation often tell parents the answer - the main thing for children is the love of mom and dad. But another question arises, how to express this love so that children, on the one hand, are sure of a warm and affectionate attitude towards them, and on the other hand, do not grow up as narcissistic egoists?

Part 2. General Tips parents

Specialists, and moms and dads themselves, offer a huge variety of recommendations for parents on how to build positive relationships between older and younger children in the family.

Psychologists advise expressing your love in the following ways:

Tell children as much as possible warm words: “I feel good with you”, “I’m glad to see you”, “it’s good that you came”, “I like how you are ...”, “it’s good that we have you”;

Do not forget to hug the child, touch him.

According to the American family therapist Virginia Satir, a child should be hugged at least four times a day, since this number of hugs is necessary for every person to survive, and for wellness You need at least 8 hugs.

But how to give equal attention, love and support to two or three children, what to do if there is a catastrophic lack of time? Even in such a situation, you can find a way out. For example, one mother of many children, sharing her secret of creating a peaceful atmosphere in the family, said that every day she speaks to each child in private on behalf of another (in different form, often even inventing something): “How Sasha loves you!”, “How Seryozha was waiting for you!”. “You know, Nadia left you a piece of cake.” Despite the seeming artificiality of this technique, he helped her a lot to establish good relations between the children.

Experienced parents advise resorting to bodily therapy: for this, both children sit on their knees to an adult who hugs them at the same time, forming, as it were, a “family circle”. But if there are more than two children and it is not possible to take them on your knees, then you can arrange a “universal kiss”. It is carried out as follows: first, the children kiss their mother (dad), then mother (dad) with the children of one child, and so on in any sequence until they get bored.

Psychologists also suggest, firstly, with the birth of a second child, the first one should be given even more attention than before the appearance of a brother or sister. Secondly, communicate with children personally, be sure to walk separately with each child at least once a week, talking about his affairs, holding his hand. You can also buy ice cream or a chocolate bar only for him, without being afraid to encourage his selfishness. In turn, to maintain a friendly relationship with other children in the family, you should say in advance: now I am only your mother (dad) and I buy everything only for you, but when we go home, we will buy sweets for everyone - both Petya and Lena, and dad (mom).

Thirdly, always remember that the older child is not a free nanny for the younger one and not a housekeeper. It is necessary to involve him in household chores, to teach him to take care of the baby gradually, slowly, little by little, in the form of a game, so that the elder would be interested. Both children will benefit from asking the firstborn for moderate help in looking after the younger ones. For in such situations, the younger ones develop a sense of security and confidence, while the older ones develop a sense of pride. The feeling of necessity by the elders gives them self-confidence, and the trust of parents contributes to the formation of responsibility. Fourth, do not grow up the elder ahead of time, for example, sending him to school or tightening the requirements. Fifth, actively involve seniors and juniors in joint activities, such as games and entertainment, and household chores.

But what to do if some moments in the relationship with children were not taken into account and a pronounced jealous man appeared among them, who actively or surreptitiously destabilizes the microclimate in the family? In this case, you need to objectively analyze your relationship with each of the children and with everyone together, determine who gets more real attention and warmth, and who gets less, try to balance the attitude towards children within yourself. And finally, carefully monitor the outward manifestations of your feelings. It is possible that for some time attention to a pronounced jealous person may even be increased. Another child who feels more secure is more likely to forgive the parents for some distance and be satisfied with the attention of the rest of the family. But even in this case, extremes should be avoided.

And even if conflicts constantly arise between children, the most basic advice of experts is not to panic. Moms and dads should remember that in addition to personal experience, advice from friends and girlfriends, popular science literature and the Internet, psychologists working in educational institutions can also help. Therefore, as soon as adults feel insecure, as soon as relations between children heat up for completely trifling reasons, one should not wait and drive the problem deeper.

Part 3. Helping Seniors and Juniors Build Relationships: specific advice parents

In an effort to help parents, the experts tried to describe the features of the relationship between older and younger children, depending on the difference in their age, and developed some tips for building friendly ties between them.

weather children
So, the upbringing of children of the same age is often compared with the upbringing of twins. The main difficulty with a small age difference is the emotional and physical fatigue of the mother. The elder requires maximum attention to himself, and the mother is focused on the baby. Fatigue and new worries erase from the mother's consciousness what happens during this period with the elder.

In addition, the first-born does not yet understand the harm that he can cause not only to the baby, but also to himself as a result of his stormy research activities, and mom simply does not have the opportunity to monitor him constantly. After 2-3 years, when the children live in a single mode, it becomes much easier for parents: the kids spend a lot of time together, sharing almost all hobbies and interests. However, disagreements, rivalries and conflicts are inevitable between such children and they arise mainly because of the territory, personal things or attention of parents.

One of the most effective ways to deal with this is to set clear boundaries in the showdown: for example, you can argue, but you can’t fight, call names offensive words. It is very important that this decision does not come entirely from adults, but is made by the children themselves. You can even organize a family meeting and discuss the situation, develop rules and laws together. Having taken part in the discussion of a decision, children will be more willing to stick to it. It is better to come up with a punishment for the violator of the law together - then the children will not be so offended to receive it, and the question of injustice will not even arise. adequate punishment there may be a temporary suspension of any game: little fighters are seated in different rooms on chairs for about five minutes. This will give them the opportunity to calm down, and then discuss with adults what happened.

It is also important to understand why children usually resolve their disputes with their fists rather than with words. Most often this is because they simply do not yet know how to resolve conflicts anymore. by peaceful means. In an attempt to share something (toys, computer time, mother's attention), it is easier for children to fight and defend their point of view than to agree among themselves and try to understand the feelings of another. Therefore, parents should objectively analyze each conflict situation, help children put up and ask for forgiveness, teach them ways to find a compromise.

If the age difference is 3-4 years
From a psychological point of view, a difference of 3-4 years is often called the most successful for both children and parents. Mom can fully enjoy motherhood, completely devote her attention to her only child. Over the elapsed time, the woman's body already has time to rest and recover for the birth of another baby. In addition, 3-4-year-old children are very much looking forward to the birth of a baby, they take care of him with pleasure. Jealousy, of course, is also present, but its manifestations can be mitigated if the parents prepare the first-born in advance for changes in the family and behave correctly.

The first thing to do is to form the correct idea of ​​the newborn in the older child. To do this, you can look at an album with infant photographs of the first-born to avoid disappointment, because many children think that a brother or sister will immediately become his playmate. Secondly, to create situations when it is necessary to help a mother who is waiting for a brother or sister, to give the elder an opportunity to stroke her growing tummy, to participate in choosing a name, etc. After the birth of a child, it is very important to preserve the traditions that have developed in the family before his arrival, for example, reading an evening fairy tale or certain joint games.

The most difficult period in the relationship between children may be the period when the elder baby goes to school (6-7 years). This is due to the fact that now his main activity is study, and the youngest still lives in the world of games. Therefore, the organization of joint games for juniors and seniors to school can somewhat soften the situation and bring together the interests of children.

Part 4. The difference between older and younger children 5-8 years old

The birth of a second child in 5-8 years is usually planned by parents consciously. By the time he appears, the roles in the family are clearly distributed and no one has any questions about who is the eldest. The firstborn himself is quite mature and, therefore, more often ready to compromise, to give in to the younger one. In addition, with the birth of a second child, part of the attention and expectations are removed from the eldest, parents become less critical of him. However, analyzing the drawings of older children with younger brothers and sisters, psychologists note that first-born children are quite often depicted in appearance parents have a lot of details, which indicates a lack of emotional warmth in their communication with their mother or father.

Unfortunately, long time children's playing interests do not coincide and they practically do not play together. But over time, reading books, drawing, watching movies become common points of contact. Most often, conflicts in such children arise due to differences of opinion. The period when the elder enters adolescence can become especially crisis in a relationship. At 7-8 years old, the younger ones believe that they have many common interests with the older ones, teenagers, on the contrary, move away, live in the interests of their peers, and can become aggressive, especially when parents demand to take the younger one with them.

To reduce disputes and disagreements between children, it must be remembered that the older child is not a nanny for the younger and is not obliged to constantly look after him. He has every right to his own childhood. In addition, it is necessary to maintain the amount of attention previously shown to the successes and difficulties in the life of the elder, more often devote time only to him personally. special approach requires the definition of the culprit in conflict situations. Since the difference in age is quite pronounced, the punishments go to the eldest child, although the instigator is more often the youngest. Therefore, when problematic situations arise, it is necessary to try to understand the position of the first-born, ask him to tell what really happened.

A difference of 9 years or more
With a difference between children of more than 9 years, parents often face an open protest of the first-born against the birth of another child in the family. The older one, who has been the only one for a long time, takes it hard or even aggressively that someone else can take his place in the life of his parents. Often a second child with such a difference in age is born in a newly created family, which creates additional difficulties. In any case, children with a difference of more than 9 years grow up as if they were the only children in the family. Until the age of 9, the child receives maximum parental attention and love, he has well-developed cognitive processes and intelligence, high creative abilities, as it was possible to communicate with adults one on one.

Firstborns in such families often talk openly about jealousy. True, if parents do not want to hear their eldest son or daughter, jealousy sometimes turns into hidden form and is expressed in bad behavior, learning problems. Therefore, the negative statements of the elder should not frighten the parents. On the contrary, in such situations, you need to have frank conversations with them, recognize his right to such feelings and express confidence that jealousy will soon pass, because you are one family. It is also important that the teenager does not fall out of the life of the family for a period when the baby needs maximum care and attention.

In such a situation, both parents must prepare the first-born for the appearance of a second child as gently and delicately as possible. For the elder it is very important that his opinion is taken into account. Gradually and not insistently, he should be brought to the idea that he will not be infringed in anything. There is no need to think that the child is already quite big and understands everything, because even a teenager needs soft preparation for the appearance of another child with the family.

The general activity of the elder and the younger is conversations, walks. The younger one often turns to the older one to help him solve problems in relations with peers or teachers, talks about difficulties in his studies. For younger children, older ones are role models, they take pride in their achievements. younger child in the person of the elder, it seems that he receives another parent, and the elder builds relationships with the younger on the principle of "teacher - student". Children with such a difference in age become truly close when the youngest grows up.

In conclusion, we note that all children keep their emotional accounting, count any manifestations of parental love and constantly compare: “My brother gave a flower - my mother was delighted, I gave it - I was less delighted.” Therefore, the most important thing that parents who are concerned about the relationship between children should remember is that no matter how many children they have, each child is the only one, he is worthy of love and unique attitude to yourself as a person. And with proper upbringing in the family, brothers and sisters become the closest people for each other, support and support for many years.

Features of the relationship of preschool children

With parents.

Parents are the standard by which children compare and build their behavior. Due to the small life experience they are unable to correlate the correctness of imposed models of behavior with objective reality. The severity of the father or mother, if it is consistent and sensitive to the baby, is able to suppress aggressive impulses in the presence of parents, but outside the home he will behave more aggressively.

The active party in building parent-child interaction is an adult person - a parent. He purposefully organizes interaction, directs it, subordinating it to a specific goal. An important characteristic in this case is what the parent focuses on, what conditions he takes into account when building the interaction. There are significant differences in their content. When building interaction, you can focus on your own state, cultural norms and requirements, the partner's state.

In a cycle of research, D. Baumrind singles out a set of childhood traits in senior preschool age associated with factors of parental control and emotional support. Based on his observations, Baumrind distinguishes 3 types of children, the nature of which corresponded to certain methods of educational activity of their parents.

Authoritative parents are proactive, sociable, kind children. Those parents who love and understand children are authoritative, preferring not to punish, but to explain what is good and what is bad, without fear, once again praise. They require meaningful behavior from children and try to help them by being sensitive to their needs. At the same time, such parents usually show firmness when faced with children's whims, and even more so with unmotivated outbursts of anger.

The children of such parents are usually inquisitive, try to justify, and not impose their point of view, they take their duties responsibly. It is easier for them to assimilate socially acceptable and encouraged forms of behavior. They are more energetic and self-confident, they have better self-esteem and self-control, they are more able to establish good relationships with peers.

Authoritarian parents are irritable, conflict-prone children. Authoritarian parents believe that the child should not be given too much freedom and rights, that he should obey their will and authority in everything. It is no coincidence that these parents in their educational practice, trying to develop discipline in the child, as a rule, do not leave him the opportunity to choose options for behavior, limit his independence, deprive him of the right to object to his elders, even if the child is right. Authoritarian parents most often do not bother to somehow substantiate their demands. Strict control over the behavior of the child is the basis of their upbringing, which does not go beyond severe prohibitions, reprimands, and often physical punishments. The most common form of disciplinary action is intimidation, threats. Such parents exclude spiritual intimacy with children, they are stingy with praise, so there is rarely a feeling of affection between them and their children.

However, tight control rarely gives a positive result. In children with such upbringing, only a mechanism is formed external control, feelings of guilt or fear of punishment develop and, as a rule, too little self-control, if any. Children of authoritarian parents find it difficult to establish contacts with their peers because of their constant alertness, and even hostility towards others. They are suspicious, gloomy, anxious and, as a result, unhappy.

Indulgent parents, often impulsive, aggressive children. As a rule, indulgent parents are not inclined to control their children, allowing them to do as they please, without demanding responsibility and self-control from them. Such parents allow their children to do whatever they want, even to the extent that they do not pay attention to outbursts of anger and aggressive behavior that result in trouble. Children, on the other hand, most often have problems with discipline, often their behavior becomes simply uncontrollable. Usually in such cases, parents become desperate and react very sharply - rudely and sharply ridicule the child, and in fits of anger they can apply physical punishment. They deprive children of parental love, attention and sympathy.

With an unfriendly attitude towards himself, the child is looking for any recognition, understanding. Not finding this, he shows aggression. With excessive demands placed on the child, he is looking for an opportunity to do the forbidden “on the sly”, and when he shows extra care, he realizes that he cannot assert himself. And with excessively high requirements, and with excessive love surrounding the child does not leave not only a sense of anxiety, fear, but also a sense of guilt.

In the works of E.O. Smirnova and M.V. Bykova reveals the essence of parental attitude towards a child of preschool age. Thus, they noted that the parents of five-year-old children are determined to recognize their interests, specifically children's activities, and support the child's initiative. This is evidenced by a pronounced personal beginning in the parental relationship, an orientation towards the development of the will of the child and a flexible, situational style of interaction with him. At the same time, this age is the period of preparing the child for school, which is reflected in the increased importance intellectual development. The contradiction between heightened importance creative self-expression of the child and orientation to his mental development as the main condition for future success in school, constitutes the main opposition of the personal and objective principles in relation to parents towards preschool children.

T. Radke's studies have shown that preschoolers from families with a restrictive, authoritarian style of upbringing are less lively, more passive and inconspicuous, less popular among their peers. In addition, an aggressive, coercive parenting style is associated with low social competence and peer rejection. Verbal and physical punishment of a child provokes aggressive behavior of children, which can serve as a reason for rejection by their peers.

Children of authoritarian parents tend, as noted by E. Hart, to learn the authoritarian style of communication and reproduce it already in their own families. In the future, such children tend to establish a greater social distance with people and form role-playing rather than interpersonal relationships.

An analysis of the literature made it possible to identify the following features of the personality of parents that pathogenically affect the development of the child's personality.

Disintegration of the personality of parents. Internal conflict, a low degree of self-acceptance, a neurotic personality structure, manifested primarily in the sphere of self-perception, guilt, anxiety, increased anxiety are indicators of the disintegration of the personality, the lack of its internal unity. Such a crisis of personal development is often not overcome in a constructive way, but is accompanied by a compensatory response. The child acts as a source of response of nervous tension for the mother. Parents can project their own qualities onto the child (this can be aggressiveness, negativism, protest reactions) and build upbringing according to the type of emotional rejection, not recognizing the presence of these rejected qualities in themselves.

E.V. Samsonova described a "family theater" where the child is involved in family games. The parental attitude is also “theatrical”, defiantly, as “on the stage” - with strangers, love and care are demonstrated, and “behind the scenes” the child is often not needed and contact with him can take the form of satisfying his special material needs.

The creation of a "family-sanatorium" is facilitated by one of the spouses, who has difficulties in contacts with others. It creates a specific barrier to the acquisition of new experience by the family. This protection creates

certain style of relationship with children. If the family turns into a sanatorium for the mother (the role of "sick"), then the children play the role of "medical staff for the patient." They are deprived of maternal love, early involved in housework, become overly anxious. The mother constantly emphasizes her indisposition, is preoccupied exclusively with herself in order to keep the child in the family, petty takes care of him, tightly controls, overprotects him from real and imaginary dangers, discredits the extra-family values ​​and friends of the child.

A low level of self-control in the affective sphere of parents manifests itself when some mothers have difficulties in parenting relationships caused by a violation of self-control. According to data obtained by A.I. Zakharov, mothers of children suffering from neuroses are emotionally unstable, excited, impatient, they are not cheerful enough, they often have Bad mood. Mothers with a low level of self-control use the conflict with the child to relieve nervous tension. Moreover, stress relief can occur either expressively (a scream, physical punishment immediately after the conflict), or impressively - through internal experience, when stress affects the child for a long time.

Inflexibility of thinking, rigidity of behavior, low level of parental reflection. The low level of parental reflection does not allow to adequately assess the situation and act taking into account the age and personality traits of the child. Parents, due to characterological features, implement the same scenario in a conflict situation. Often such parents treat the child according to the principle of "double bonding". So, the parent gives instructions to the child to do or not to do something under pain of punishment. At the same time, a second indication is received from the parent on the other communicative level, which is the opposite of the first. For example, a child is taught that it is very important to express one's feelings openly and sincerely. At the same time, parents defiantly show that "nice people" behave with restraint, never get angry.

The child in this case is disoriented, this behavior of the parents causes him to panic. He is full of anxiety, because he does not understand the source of such confusion, he constantly expects punishment, condemnation. In the end, the child is autistic, there is a decrease in his contact with others.

The lack of flexibility of judgment is observed in overly principled, over-rational, demanding parents. Mothers whose children are sick with neuroses, situationalness is combined with suspicion, intolerance, stubbornness, rigidity of thinking, there are constant difficulties in self-control and in communicating with people around them, chronic interpersonal conflicts. Such mothers are distinguished by great timidity, caution in contacts with people.

Any violation parent-child relationship due to the fact that the reference point in the dyad " parent-child is, first of all, the parent himself. Complexes, features, desires of the parent are primary and determine his behavior. Even raising a child according to the “family idol” type may be due to the parent’s need for attention that was not realized in childhood. Here they can act at least, two formulas of parental behavior; “I didn’t have it - the child will”, “I give myself in exchange for you.” The adverse consequences that this type of upbringing can lead to are not taken into account by parents.

To speak of hypoprotection means to speak of the highest form of selfish attitude to the upbringing of children. With this type of education, only parental interests are realized. Centering on oneself own problems, often unconscious, interferes with the formation of a correct parental relationship. However, a separate personal characteristic does not define any specific style of parental relationship: in one case, a parent can openly demonstrate emotional rejection of a child who does not correspond to the ideal parental model, in the other, a defense mechanism will work and emotional rejection will turn into overprotection or overprotection.

The internal need of the child to communicate with parents is manifested in the fact that the preschooler in his behavior among his peers copies the movements, behavior, value assessments and forms of consciousness characteristic of his parents. The child imitates this model of behavior and thus reproduces the image of the parents. Such imitation is often called identification - the child, as it were, recreates in himself the image of his parents.

The conflict between a child and parents has age-specific features. So, in a preschooler, the most frequent content of interpersonal conflicts with an adult is reduced self-esteem, blocking his activity. And also the reason for the increase in the number of conflicts in communication between parents and children can be crises. normal development three and seven years; inadequate type of upbringing in the family. The child expects adults to recognize his independence, independence, he wants his opinions to be asked, consulted with him. Behavior is determined not only by the attitude towards an adult, but also towards oneself.

Among the reasons for parents' misunderstanding of their children is the inability to identify the motives of behavior. In families where adults accept the demands of children's independence, the child will come out of the crisis enriched, he will compare himself with other people in a new way, he will experience satisfaction from the new, wonderful feeling of "I myself." But if the reaction of adults is focused on "breaking" children's stubbornness, using force to "stop the whims once and for all", psychological defense techniques will inevitably arise. The child will learn to hide his feelings, he will be able, as it were, to dull his feelings about the negative assessments of his elders, he will stop “hearing” remarks and reproaches. Instead of openness, isolation and gloom will appear. Therefore, when parents consider a child stubborn, this is a manifestation of self-esteem; parents think that he does not want to, but he cannot or does not know how and does not want to admit it for some reason.

The American psychologist R. Dreikurs identifies four most significant reasons for the violation of discipline: the child wants to draw attention to himself; does not want to obey adults, wants to get the better of them; takes revenge on adults for being unloved and offended; defiantly shows that he is not capable of anything and let him be left alone.

If a mother has developed an attitude towards her child as a sickly creature in need of constant and vigilant care, she will form in him effeminacy, suspiciousness, fearfulness.

One of the most common causes of children's anxiety is the excessively high and strict demands of parents who do not take into account the child's abilities, the level of his claims, and the orientation of his interests. Children have ideas about what forms of behavior close people expect from them, what will be the reaction to ordinary or unusual actions, what can be expected from adults themselves in relation to themselves - approval or, conversely, censure, discontent, punishment. In families with strict, cold relationships, where little attention is paid to personal communication, in which there is close two-way contact between the child and the adult, children show anxious or vague expectations.

There are confidently optimistic expectations of the child as an experience of possible success, praise, approval from close adults and anxious pessimistic ones, which are associated with a feeling of insecurity, fear due to the negative attitude of an adult predicted by him. Personal expectations are the result of communication between adults and children in the family. Negative anxious-pessimistic expectations of the child represent a serious "psychological barrier" between adults and children, they can provoke stubbornness, unwillingness to obey the demands of adults, insecurity, and anxiety. Such expectations appear in the child as a result of frequent quarrels between parents or their underestimation of personal communication with the child, in which he would be the object of a benevolent and at the same time demanding evaluative attitude.

In older preschool age, there is a transition from an emotional direct relationship to the outside world to relationships that are built on the basis of the assimilation of moral assessments, rules and norms of behavior. In communicating with adults, a child often learns moral concepts in a categorical form, gradually clarifying and filling them with specific content, which speeds up the process of their formation and at the same time creates the danger of their formal assimilation. Therefore, it is important that the child learns to apply them in life in relation to himself and others. This is essential, primarily for the formation of his personality traits. At the same time, socially significant standards of behavior are important, which become literary heroes and people directly surrounding the child. Of particular importance as behavioral standards for a preschooler are the characters of fairy tales, where in a specific, figurative, accessible form, positive and negative traits character, which facilitates the child's initial orientation in the complex structure of a person's personality traits. Personality develops in the process of real interaction of the child with the world, including the social environment, and through the assimilation by him of the moral criteria that regulate his behavior. This process is controlled by adults who contribute to the selection and training of socially significant properties. The independence of the child begins to manifest itself in the case when he applies moral assessments to himself and others and regulates his behavior on this basis. This means that at this age such a complex personality property as self-awareness develops.

B.G. Ananiev singled out the formation of self-esteem in the genesis of self-consciousness. The adequacy of a child's value judgments is determined by the constant evaluative activity of parents, as well as educators in connection with the implementation of the rules of children's behavior in a group, in various activities (games, duty, classes). It should be noted that the influence of parents' assessments on the preschooler's self-esteem depends on the child's understanding of the competence of the mother and father and the style of upbringing, on the nature of relationships in the family. Children accept and assimilate the assessments of the parent, who for them is significant person and bearer of standards of behavior.

The older preschooler still needs the encouragement and approval of his parents, he is much more concerned about assessing not specific skills, but his personality as a whole. At 6-7 years old, it is important for a child to understand the essence of the requirements of an adult and to establish himself in his rightness. Therefore, children of older preschool age want to talk not only on cognitive topics, but also on personal ones related to people's lives. By the age of 7, the opinions of surrounding adults directly determine the child's self-attitude. A preschooler receives knowledge about himself and his solvency through assessments of others in the same qualities.

The study of intra-family relations shows that under the influence of the emotional experience of communication with parents and their evaluative influences, the experiences of children acquire a different emotional orientation. So, for example, in families where a child is severely punished for every offense or parents behave inconsistently - either they scold, then they do not pay attention, then they enter into an argument, standing up for the child, there are clearly negative manifestations of personality.

A.S. Spivakovskaya emphasizes that there is no absolute ideal, norm in educational activities: relationships with a child are deeply individual and unique, but it is possible to formulate the basic “rules” that parents need to follow - this is love and independence.

Parental love and the child's confidence in parental love are the source and guarantee of his emotional well-being, physical and mental health: "Only love can teach love." Granting a child a certain measure of independence depends on his age and the motives of upbringing.